English playwright Oscar Wilde once said, “Youth is wasted on the young.”
I often think about this quote when I ride in to work everyday and consider what I’ve done with my life. Because we had all that time! And what did we do with it? Eat gummy fruits and watch reruns? Why wasn’t I investing in stocks?!
Thankfully, there’s Twitter. Where comedians hang out and tweet funny shit that we can all relate to. Sure, it can be depressing to think about how your life has turned out so far, but at least we can all laugh at it.
Right? We can laugh at it?! It’s funny right?! RIGHT?!?!
I kid. Let’s have fun.
1. So much me. So much.
. this image describes how I feel about sliding into adulthood pic.twitter.com/nTC2TGaDzc
— Tammie (@txmmiemc) January 22, 2016
2. I enjoy “cooking”
Afternoon me: Ooh, I can bake this salmon, do some potatoes, sautée some spinach and arugula. That’ll be good.
Evening me: *eats a sleeve of thin mints*
— Nichole
(@tnwhiskeywoman) January 21, 2019
3. 4 hours at least. 6 hours at the most.
My vision board is just a picture of me sleeping.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) January 28, 2019
4. What a pain!
KID: *falls out of tree* I’m fine
ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week— batkaren (@batkaren) December 17, 2015
5. I read lots of Böökes
9 yo me: wow I love my public library yes I’d like to check out 14 novels that are above my reading level. Be back next week
Me now: wow I love my public library yes I would like to check out one—I believe it’s called a Bööke? I will be back in 3-5 business months
— your friend abby (@a_bi_gal) August 18, 2018
6. Stop jumping! I want to get back on my feet!
Remember when you were little and you’d fall on the trampoline and everyone would keep jumping so you couldn’t get back up? That’s how adult life feels
— Ric (@PrettyRicc) October 15, 2018
7. Wait… how much is THAT?
Adult culture is just walking around constantly astounded by how much everything costs
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) August 2, 2018
8. Why doesn’t anybody stop me from doing these things?!
When parents say to kids “go to ur room & think about what you’ve done” it’s really good practice for what you’ll do every night as an adult
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 18, 2015
9. I didn’t ask for this!
Being an adult pic.twitter.com/TCgXc0xqWf
— Nikki Polansky (@nikkifaceful) August 27, 2015
10. Too expensive!
True mark of adulthood: instead of your parents scheduling your doctor’s appointments, you just avoid going to the doctor & hope u don’t die
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) August 27, 2014
11. I scream! And… that’s it. I just scream.
To child:
The good news is that when you’re a grownup, you can eat ice cream for dinner. The bad news is that it’s because you’re depressed.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 27, 2015
12. MINE!
Childhood: I can be anything I want to be when I grow up!
Adulthood: Please someone just find me a job that doesn’t make me wish for death.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 14, 2016
13. Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? A: An employee, apparently.
Childhood: I can be anything I want to be when I grow up!
Adulthood: Please someone just find me a job that doesn’t make me wish for death.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 14, 2016
14. Drugs help.
It’s cute how I used to think this “barely-holding-it-together” feeling was temporary.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 17, 2015
15. Time works differently now.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
— Chez McCorvey (@CelebrityChez) October 9, 2015
16. OMG. This is so true!
You’re not an adult until you have a cabinet full of Tupperware and every time you open it they all spill out and you can never find a matching lid for the one you want to use.
— Collin Whitchurch (@cowhitchurch) August 7, 2018
17. It’s basically Netflix. That’s my existence. Thanks.
FRIEND: so how are you?
ME: I’m well, thanks!
FRIEND: what’s new?
ME: not much!
FRIEND: well, what have you been up to?
ME: why are you doing this to me
— Not Sara (@smithsara79) March 26, 2018
18. Can I hire a domineering mom for another 5 years?
I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) May 17, 2014
Okay, that settles it. Ice cream and thin mints for dinner.
To the dollar store!
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