Behold the “Avozilla:” a Giant Avocado That’ll Make Millennials Go Berserk

The world’s recent obsession with avocados, possibly fueled by the millennial love for avocado toast, might have you thinking they’re a newcomer to the culinary scene, but they’ve actually been around for a long, long time. Avocados are heart-healthy, jam-packed with nutrients, and they pretty much go great with anything.

Basically, the only thing that could make an avocado better is if it were bigger, smoother, or more easily spreadable.

If only…

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

But, hang on. Agriculture heard our wails and has acted benevolently. Giant avocados – called “avozillas” – actually do exist. According to The Guardian Australia, a farm in Queensland is cultivating enormous avocados “as big as your head.” They are, in fact, about four times larger than a normal avocado.

Photo Credit: Peaches Fresh Food

Holy guacamole.

A company in South Africa owns the rights to the variety, which was produced via cross-breeding. Anyone interested in growing their own avozillas must pay to obtain permission and then pay royalties. Currently one farmer in Australia has the lock on a few hundred trees, so the giant fruit (it’s a fruit) is available in a few cities there. They have also exported them to England.

What’s keeping the avozilla from taking over? Ian Groves, the first to have grown them on his Australian farm, believes they may be too niche.

He also told The Guardian, “There is a nursery we buy different trees off, and when we were planting a bunch of avocados 10 years ago, they gave us one as a trial. And after about four or five years, we tried a few of the fruit and thought we’d give them a go. So we planted a small block of about just under 400 trees. They’re coming up to about four years and this is their first production.”

Clearly it takes some forethought to get from idea to table.

Avozillas may not be available everywhere guac fans are, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from falling head over pit for them.

Photo Credit: Instagram

The avozilla’s majesty is inspiring.

Photo Credit: Twitter

And brunch is served.

Photo Credit: Instagram

So, how about it, California and Mexico? Let’s have some avozillas!

We’ll wait.

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The “Fiji Water Girl” who Photobombed the Golden Globes Is Suing… Fiji Water

In case you didn’t happen to catch the red carpet portion of the 2019 Golden Globes, you didn’t miss a whole lot… other than the birth of one of this year’s hottest memes – a model serving Fiji water on a tray who managed to photobomb just about every celebrity she could!

Fiji Water Girl, who models under the name Kelleth Cuthbert (her real name is Kelly Steinbach), became an overnight sensation (because it was hilarious) – but it turns out she’s not as excited about being remembered as “the Fiji water girl” as one might think.

In fact, according to E! News, the model is now suing Fiji for using her likeness without her permission. She also claims that the company pressured her into signing a document that authorized the use of images of her, pre-event.

Photo Credit: TMZ

Some people are giving her a hard time, but in truth, she couldn’t have foreseen that agreeing to carry around a tray of water would lead to insta-fame that led to Fiji using her image in cardboard cutouts and making tons of dough off her moment in the spotlight.

Tons of dough to the tune of about $12 million in profit.

Cuthbert wants her share and really, who can blame her? It’s her face, and it’s her stunt that made it – and Fiji water – a story for a few days. For their part, though, Fiji is brushing aside her claim.

“This lawsuit is frivolous and entirely without merit” as the “negotiated a generous agreement” with Cuthbert that she then violated following the Golden Globes.

Get out your popcorn, folks. It looks like this one is going to be at least as interesting as watching pretty famous people walk down a red carpet in dresses that could pay off my house.

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These Paternity Test Results from a Zoo in Switzerland Are Straight out of “Jerry Springer”

When we think of paternity tests, particularly ones that cause drama and scandal, we tend it to think of them as a uniquely human problem. It turns out, however, that we aren’t the only species to wind up with some truly surprising paternity test results. This time, it was the orangutans in the hot seat.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Padma was born about five months ago. Her parents were thought to be Maja and Budi, a male and female who were matched specifically because of how little overlapping DNA they shared. Orangutans are part of the Endangered Species Program, so, when they are bred at zoos, increasing genetic diversity is a top priority.

But when the results of the paternity test came back…it turned out Budi was not the father.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Instead, the zoo’s dominant male Vendel was the other half of the parental equation – even though he lived in an entirely different enclosure. One that had an open border somewhere, since that was where Maja went to get what she needed from the male orangutan of her choice.

Apparently, Vendel has something that Budi does not: cheek pads. The fabulously extravagant face flaps, also known as flanges, are to female orangutans like dimples or cleft chins are to human females.

Which is to say, irresistible.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The paternity testing is standard procedure, even though this is the first time a test has come back with unexpected results – at least in Basel. The Loveland Living Planet Aquarium in Utah can sympathize, though, since they recently had some test results reveal that their usually-monogamous Gentoo penguins were sharing partners for funsies.

Which just goes to show, once again, that humans aren’t as removed from the animal world as we would like to think.

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Pineapples Were Once So Expensive, People Rented Them by the Hour

Pineapples are available almost year-round in most grocery stores across the United States these days, but it wasn’t always this way. Pineapples actually have quite a long and storied history. They weren’t always as readily available as they are today, and much like anything that’s simultaneously desirable and scarce, they quickly became a symbol of wealth and status.

Between the 16th and 18th century in Europe, pineapples were actually so rare that they were put on display like fine works of art. It’s hard to estimate how much a single, whole pineapple would have cost in today’s money, guesses range between $5k-$10k – definitely not chump change for something that would eventually rot. So, why was it that valuable?

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

The pineapple is indigenous to South America, which is where Europeans first encountered it. The European royals loved the fruit for its natural sweetness, but having them imported was hit-or-miss. Only the fastest ships (and ideal weather conditions) would deliver the fruit while still edible, while finding a way to grow it back home turned out to be an expensive – and not at all simple – endeavor.

We don’t know who, exactly, was responsible for first growing a pineapple in a non-tropical climate, but the consensus is that it happened in Holland in the late 1600s. The Dutch West India Company had a stranglehold on Caribbean trade that allowed them to import pineapple plants to experiment on, which almost certainly led to them being the first ones to crack the growing-tropical-fruit-in-the-cold problem.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

In fact, Dutch cloth merchant Pieter de la Court invented the hotroom – spaces kept warm and humid – to try and accomplish the task. His design worked, though issues with ventilation, the release of hot fumes, and the stability of soil and air temperatures all presented constant and evolving challenges.

England wanted pineapples, too, and so sent men to Holland in search of the secret to putting the tropical fruit on royal tables on a much more regular basis. It would be many years, however, before a pineapple was grown on English soil – and when it was (around 1715), it was a Dutchman named Henry Telende who accomplished the feat.

His method, which involved a hothouse, special soil, pits lined with pebbles, manure, and tanners bark, was a delicate balance even in the best of times, but once he got it down to a science, more English were able to afford the fruits. But even though pineapples became more available, many nobles still declined to eat something they were spending so much cash on. Instead of serving the fruit to guests, they would display the pineapples around their homes.

For lesser nobles and regular rich people (as opposed to filthy rich people), it became fashionable to rent a pineapple just for a party, then pass it around to others having parties before returning the fruit to the person who could actually afford to eat it (if they so chose).

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

The fact that refined sugar was also a rare and expensive commodity only added to the allure of actually eating the fruit. Charles II was said to love pineapple – both because of its sweetness and partly because he thought the fruit looked to be wearing a tiny crown (he referred to it as “King-pine”).

People remained obsessed with the pineapple well into the colonial period, and you’ll see it carved into any number of wooden and stone pieces in both the old and new world. The fruit remained a symbol of wealth, and eventually morphed into a symbol of hospitality as well.

Fun fact: this is why you’ll still find pineapple designs on bedposts, gateposts, bath towels, and other items often left out for guests.

Fun fact #2: in colonial times, serving a pineapple upside-down cake would be a subtle way of suggesting your guests were overstaying their welcome and should make plans to depart.

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Banker Quits His Job, Dresses as Spider-Man on His Last Day

Over the years, a lot of famous actors have donned the red-and-blue tights of Spider-Man to thrill movie audiences around the world. While they’ve all been (mostly) great, I’d argue that this anonymous bank worker from Sao Paolo, Brazil, might have worn the outfit best.

He decided to slip into the spandex on his last day of work, and naturally, hilarity ensued.

Photo Credit: YouTube

Is it good or bad that he worked in the analysis department of a bank and therefore saw no customers in “uniform?”

Photo Credit: YouTube

I suppose it depends on who you ask.

Photo Credit: YouTube

His fellow employees obviously enjoyed the prank, and one of them Instagrammed the picture-perfect moment saying: “Last day of work and this person is driving the boss mad.”

Photo Credit: YouTube

Overall, everyone else was pleased he decided to show up for his last day in full Spiderman regalia. Especially since he handed out candy as part of his schtick — which perhaps makes him the best Spider-Man ever.

If you’re leaving your job and have no need of a recommendation or referral in the future, then, I mean, why not go out with a bang?

Or a web?

I, for one, salute you, sir. I just hope there were no encounters with actual radioactive spiders to make this day possible.

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The “Today Years Old” Meme Will Definitely Teach You a Thing or Two

“Today years old” is the latest meme to take the internet by storm. It’s where people post things they only just learned recently that has completely changed the way they look at something. Basically, tidbits of knowledge that should be common but are somehow…not.

Read through this list of 15 good ones, and I bet you’ll have your mind blown at least once!

#1. I guess it had to stand for something?

Image Credit: Twitter

#2. Trying this ASAP.

Image Credit: Twitter

#3. Am I wrong, or is this adorable?

Image Credit: Twitter

#4. I don’t want to know if this is true or not.

Image Credit: Twitter

#5. Stealing this rtfn.

Image Credit: Twitter

#6. Wait, seriously?

Image Credit: Twitter

#7. A modern revelation for you.

Image Credit: Twitter

#8. It’s kind of abstract, to be fair.

Image Credit: Twitter

#9. Imma use it even more now.

Image Credit: Twitter

#10. I guess he was okay with it?

Image Credit: Twitter

#11. Shatner either loves or hates this.

Image Credit: Twitter

#12. It’s like he’s a real person now.

Image Credit: Twitter

#13. Love.

Image Credit: Twitter

#14. If you could see my face right now…

Image Credit: Twitter

#15. Interesting.

Image Credit: Twitter

Ok, I learned a lot just now…

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10+ People Who are Clueless About How the Female Body Works

If you’ve been on the internet at all, you know that misinformation is an epidemic. Particularly when it comes to sexuality and health, it seems like thousands of people out there skipped their high school health classes altogether.

Oh, sure, everyone thinks they’re an expert. But what they really “know” about female anatomy is horrifyingly, hilariously incorrect. Some think girls pee out of their vaginas. Others think periods are made out of the blood of dead babies. You know, fun stuff like that.

So sit back, relax and laugh.

1. This dude tried to write something snarky on the comment section of an Onion article titled, “Frustrated Gunman Can’t Believe How Far He Has to Drive to Find Nearest Planned Parenthood Clinic.” He became a bigger joke than the article. (via MsManifesto)

Photo Credit: Reddit

2. Redditor _ahsatan started a conversation about female anatomy when they had to explain that you don’t pee out of your clitoris.

I just taught my sister-in-law (26) and my husband (31) that women do not, in fact, pee from the clit. What are the most ridiculous ideas you’ve heard about the female body?

3. thumper5 responded to _ahsatan with a period myth women wish were true.

That you can “hold” your period blood the same way you can hold your pee. I had an incredibly stupid boyfriend once that wouldn’t stop at a gas station on our way someplace because he thought I could just hold it til we got there.

ETA: that women only use one pad/tampon per period. That pads/tampons/etc aren’t necessary hygiene items.

4. Through all the spelling errors and profanity, it seems this woman thinks that vaginas smell because of years of semen building up inside? (via Reddit user lady-linux)

Photo Credit: Imgur

5. wicksa, a labor and delivery nurse, had many stories to share about female anatomy myths that will make you want to campaign for sex-ed in all schools immediately.

Oh, my time to shine! I am an L&D nurse and I hear some weird shit, especially from teen moms.

“My friend told me that if I douched with sprite after having sex, I couldn’t get pregnant.” – 16 year old in labor

“I tried to schedule a c section because my pussy is really tight and I know a baby ain’t gonna fit through there. The doctor wouldn’t let me.” The baby did indeed fit with no assistance (meaning no vaccuum or forceps, a doctor was totally there haha).

5 foot tall 120 lb girl who looks so pregnant it’s like she swallowed a beach ball, hasn’t had her period in 9+ months, is sexually active, shows up to ER with abdominal pains (contractions!): “I didn’t know I was pregnant.”

“I’m not going to breastfeed because I am afraid it will turn me on too much. I like nipple play during sex.”

6. This man tries to correlate the thigh gap to the size of one’s vagina, even though it seems pretty obvious that no one would ever let him near their vag. (via Redditor dustinyo_)

Photo Credit: Reddit

Photo Credit: Reddit

Photo Credit: Reddit

Photo Credit: Reddit

7. Even though this commenter has had given birth to two children of her own, she still does not understand how pregnancy works. (via Gingevere)

Photo Credit: Imgur

I dont think that there is enough space for a baby in there. I’ve had 2 kids and they both liked 2 move around and that wouldn’t have been possible in such a Tiny bell. Everyone carries different but working out like that and leaving your baby with little space is not okay. A baby needs 2 tumble en move around. Dont be selfish and workout hardcore 2 keep super thin.

8. Redditor katiedid05 posted this unsettling screenshot of a teenager condescendingly explaining how the clitoris has to grow ten centimeters before giving birth.

Photo Credit: Someecards

sorry but in childbirth you clitoris will need to grow up to 10cm to actually give birth…thats why they say you need to be 10cm dialated to start pushing…im not even 18 yet and i got that one right :/

9. midnasays found this perplexing meme that tries to slut shame women who prefer to use pads?

Photo Credit: Reddit

10. This poor woman thinks she needs a placenta transplant. (via pleasuretohaveinclas)

Photo Credit: Reddit

11. One time an anti-abortion lawmaker asked why women couldn’t just swallow a camera to expedite the process of getting a gynecological exams. Yes, a man who makes laws said this. (via Huffington Post)

During a debate over an anti-abortion bill, a Republican lawmaker in Idaho asked Monday whether women can just swallow a tiny camera in order to conduct a gynecological exam remotely with a doctor.

According to the Associated Press, Idaho Rep. Vito Barbieri (R) posed the bizarre question to Dr. Julie Madsen, who was testifying against a bill that would ban doctors from prescribing medication abortion via webcam unless they have examined the woman in person. Madsen had to explain to Barbieri that swallowed items, like pills, do not land in the vagina.

12. pizzaoverload shared this comment that they found on a YouTube video where a woman (Chris) announced that she got her period back after years of over-training and dieting.

Chris, I know I am male but I have always had somehow an internal sensing that women’s period is blood that is not up to standard and the body must get rid of it. As well as many females think something is wrong with them when they don’t have a period something tells me if your detoxing well through exercise and clean diet that if the body has clean blood and there is nothing to recycle out you just won’t have a period. Just like a lot of women of little bodyfat. I think a female loses their period because the body is that clean and detoxed. I see it as a good thing if this is the case. If this is the case then most females just are not optimal detoxed and the body has to force it through a period to keep the system clean. What are your thoughts is this possible? With Love JC.

13. In a horrifying true story, a so-called “sexual assault expert investigator” had to be told what a cervix was in court.

In the reinvestigation of the case of Kelli Smith, a young driver who killed a father of two while driving the wrong way down a one way street, it was discovered that the woman may have been slipped a date rape drug which caused the accident. Although initially there was no investigation into a possible rape, it was discovered that the woman sustained injuries to her cervix and was found at the scene of the crime without pants or underwear on. Sexual assault expert investigator Eric Stacks was called in to look into whether or not Smith was raped, which prompted defense attorney Jennifer Bukowsky to ask Stacks about the injury.

Bukowsky: In your experience with car crashes how many times do you see injuries to a cervix?

Stacks: I don’t know what you’re asking me, to a cervix?

Bukowsky: You don’t know what a cervix is?

Stacks: No. explain that to me, please.

14. This person thinks that the menstrual cycle is unnatural, and suggests basically starving yourself to stop it. (via PM_me_a_scary_thing from Reddit)

Photo Credit: Imgur

I mean, what the actual f*** people?

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Waiters Dish Out the Most Ridiculous Customer Requests They’ve Ever Received

Being a server in a restaurant is pretty much the worst job ever, mostly because of the customers. Sure, most of them are fine, but inevitably there are always some that try to make all these extra demands and get really rude about it.

In this AskReddit article, servers revealed the most ridiculous requests they’ve ever received from customers. Maybe they’ll be like cautionary tales to help keep you on your best behavior at restaurants?

1. At least you made some money

“Working as a server (17ish) had a drunk lady ask to give her a ride home. I finished up closing out my section and gave her a ride because I knew the area pretty well. She was really nice and everything, but had a couple drinks too many and her friends had already left a little earlier and she was too embarrassed to make a scene or call someone. She gave me $50 and I was stoked.”

2. Dry steak, please

“I haven’t waited tables in about 10 years now but I’ll never forget the guy who asked for his steak “dry.” When I pressed him for what he wanted explicitly he explained that he wanted “no juice” to come out when he was eating it. I told him it would take about 30 minutes to cook his steak that done, he said that was fine and off I went.

Our steaks were pretty miserable portions in the first place, and the cut he ordered was the smallest one on the menu, so when I returned with his tiny little 6 oz flat iron that had been absolutely desiccated on the grill he looked understandably disappointed. He took a few bites of it and decided “it wasn’t very good,” which was underselling how bad it looked and almost certainly how bad it tasted.”

3. The regular

“I had a regular at my bar who spoke with a thick Southern accent, always wore an Alabama Crimson Tide shirt or some variant, would only drink beers from the South (Naked Pig Pale being his go to) which I kept in stock just for him, and would sit at the bar, bet the horse races, regale us with tales from his youth, get a little too drunk and leave to take care of his mother. He was there every single day except Thursdays. He demanded we keep Alabama beer in stock and always wanted replays of old Crimson Tide games on TV. It got to the point i started downloading them into a drive and playing them for him, since espn U is only good for so much.We all thought he was crazy but he was nice enough.

This went on for an entire year. Our entire staff knew him and he was pretty well liked. We had to ask him to leave once or twice because he decided to impress someone or would win a couple races and start drinking scotch and get a little out of hand, but he was generally really polite and respectful.

One day he just stopped coming in. One of the older ladies who worked at the track had his phone number, since she had the habit of saving him race books for the tracks he liked, so she called him a few times. Nothing.

About a month later the Police showed up to ask some people at the bar about him, if they might know where he is. We all told them what we knew but apparently not a word of it was true. His name wasn’t Scott, he wasn’t from the South and his mother had been dead for quite a while. Turns out he had seduced an older, southern lady with his charms and wiles, created an entire life with her for her money (supposedly), then disappeared with the money and the lady turned up dead. Police said it was from natural causes but the timing was so odd they still needed to find him to question him.

He came back in for a single drink about 4 months later and he left an envelope for our 3 bartenders he liked and the lady who held racing books for him. $1500 in each. I served him and asked my manager at the time what she thought I should do. She asked if I felt uncomfortable; I said no and since cops aren’t great for business at a horse track we just decided to leave it be. I walked back out and he had left, leaving a simply written “thanks for being a friend” on a napkin with $704.50 in cash under it. The $4.50 was for the beer; and my rent, as he had asked about many months before in a random conversation, was $700 at the time. Dunno if he remembered or if it was just a coincidence.

He was gone and I never saw him again, and his phone number is now out of service. I think about him a couple times a week at least.”

4. Ridiculous delivery order

“I used to work in a sub shop that had delivery. A woman called asking if the driver could pick her up a pack of cigarettes and baby formula when he was bringing her her food… this woman kept claiming she knew the owner (who was not present at the restaurant) and that he told her beforehand that it could be done.

It was busy and I didn’t have time to fight with her so I asked the delivery driver if he could do that for her and he did. Not really a big deal I guess, just a little ridiculous to ask a delivery driver.

Also – asked the owner if he knew the woman… he does not know her personally but just knows her from being a crazy customer who orders frequently.”

5. Wine experts

“I worked in a wine store in a dying shopping mall owned by a local winery We had this ‘wine club’ program and I’m pretty sure this couple were the only active members.

But the level of entitlement these people had was something else. We’d offer samples of a few of different types – usually a Pinot Grigio or a Chardonnay, a merlot, and maybe a riesling or a fruit wine or something that was mass produced and inexpensive.

These people would come in and start ordering me around, would start demanding samples of this Cabernet Sauvignon that cost $80 a bottle (which we never sampled for obvious reasons). The guy would drink the strawberry wine and start critiquing it like he’s a sommelier or something. Once a quarter the winery sent out coupons to its members where if you bought one bottle, you got another one half price – the woman always tried to buy a $15 bottle then get the $80 bottle for half price. It became this quarterly fight she’d try to pick.

They’d always try to pull this right at closing time, too, which is really when I lost patience for it.”

6. The best chicken ever

“Not a server, but I used to be a line cook. I once had a server come back to my saute station and tell me she was about to ring in a chicken dish and the guy specifically wanted it just overcooked to oblivion. I cooked it like I normally would, then I microwaved it for three full minutes, then I held it in tongs and burned the crap out of it directly on the burner flame. I was totally ok with getting reprimanded for overdoing by a mile.

She came back to me a while later and told me that the guy insisted that she thank me because it was the best piece of chicken he’d ever eaten. It was basically the food equivalent of finding out that some guys like to hire women to step on them in high heels. I was absolutely blown away.”

7. What is this charge?

“Table of two. They both ordered the same thing.

Lady A wanted to add a salad. Sure, it will cost extra though. She said that was fine. Lady B then decided that she also wanted a salad.

At the end lady B wanted to know why she was being charged for a salad. Only lady A was told that salads cost extra.”

8. I’m allergic

“I used to work at an Italian restaurant similar to Olive Garden. I had a lady once order a Penne With Chicken and Broccoli… a tasty dish to be sure, but the lady requested that we make it with spaghetti pasta instead of penne because she “is allergic to penne”.

Not sure how exactly you’re allergic to a specific shape of pasta… we’d gladly do the substitute even if she wasn’t allergic.”

9. Coupla quirks

“I was a bartender, but I certainly had my share of ridiculous requests.

– The weirdest was a woman who would come in on her lunch break from the Sprint store nearby and would drink a lemon drop martini before heading back to work. This was a fancy bar and it was a $12 drink. She’d give me an extra $5 to swirl my finger around in the drink before she drank it. It was definitely a weird sex thing.

– One time I had a lady ask for a blueberry mojito made with tequila instead of rum. All other ingredients to remain the same. So this was a mint, lime, blueberry, sugar, and tequila drink. It’s the single most vile cocktail I’ve ever made. She absolutely loved it and tipped me $20 for the drink. As above, it was only a $12 drink.

– We had one regular who was a horrible gross old man. He would constantly request to be changed into the section of a particular waitress (who hated him) so he could make sexual comments to her. I would never honor these requests (fuck you, gross old dude) but my manager also wouldn’t let me kick him out (fuck you, shitty manager). One day he offered to pay me three cents to change tables. Three. Cents. Uh, no.

– Had a former NFL lineman come in and order a, “steak, very rare.” “How rare would you like it?” I asked him. “Tell the cow about fire,” was he response. So yeah, he ordered a 16 oz. piece of raw meat. We briefly described what flames were to the plate after we set it on the table, and he thought that was hilarious.”

10. Enough with the kale, people

“When I waited tables, it was before the whole “Kale is a SUPERFOOD” thing, and I worked at an IHOP where they would put a sprig of kale on every plate as garnish. I didn’t even really know it was edible. I thought it was, you know, just a green thing to make the plates look fancy or whatever.

A man came in one day and ordered something that came with a side, and he asked if he could have kale. I was like… the garnish? Yes, the garnish. He just wanted a bunch of kale. I was really confused but put a bunch on the plate for him and it made him happy, so… there we go. He was years ahead of his time.”

11. Bay leaves

“Friend of mine went to Cheese Cake Factory and ordered a “coffee with bailey’s in it” for dessert. Took ages. Server comes back and confirms. More time goes by – the cook comes out and confirms.

Finally the waitress comes back with a cup of coffee with two bay leaves in it. I can only imagine how confused they were putting that one together.”

12. A classy couple

“It’s been a few years since I’ve worked in a restaurant…I had a couple that would come in regularly, be total assholes the whole time. He’s a trucker, she was a fucking lot lizard that he married. She would order a glass of ice (packed as full as I could get it), hot water and lemon..because she brought her own tea bags and would make her own fucking iced tea at the table.

They would order salad with crackers instead of croutons and soup with croutons instead of crackers. Depending on the food, things had to be on separate plates and very specific items added or left off. “Blonde” french fries. Well done grilled cheese. I loathe these people and I still see them around town.

Edited to add; I’m in Pennsylvania. I honestly had no idea croutons were common in soup in other countries/areas of the US. I guess that makes me sound bitchy instead of just an odd request. Whoops.”

13. No free beer

“Early 2000’s.

Working in an Italian restaurant, this one cat insists he needs lime juice for his meal. As we’re an Italian restaurant, we don’t have any on hand for our menu items, but the bar should have some. Thinking out loud I mention that the kitchen doesn’t have any, but the bar throws those into bottles of Corona, so I might be able to get some there.

Customer: Are you going to charge me for that?

Me: No, I think I can get a garnish for you.

So I come back with the lime and he looks confused.

Customer: Where’s the Corona?

Me: I’m sorry – you said you wanted the lime? Did you want to order a Corona as well?

Customer: Yeah I want one, you said you wouldn’t charge me.

Leading into a back-and-forth wherein he’s upset I didn’t bring him a free Corona with his free lime, because he misunderstood me.”

14. Livin’ that ranch life

“A Mom and young son (maybe 8?) came in to the restaurant I waited tables at for lunch. The Mom asked her son what he wanted to eat, and he replied with “ranch.”

I politely asked if he meant, like, a salad with ranch? Or French fries with a side of ranch?

The Mom looked at me, rolled her eyes in embarrassment, and clarified—he wanted a soup bowl full of ranch dressing…

I walked into the kitchen and discussed with my manager, because I had no idea how to enter that into our POS system. My manager and I came to the conclusion that we should charge her for an entire bottle of ranch, so she paid $10.99 for a soup bowl full of ranch dressing. (Yuck).”

15. No!

“> Oysters!

I explained we are a burger joint, no oysters. He takes off his coat, talks to his date, then stares at me for a second.

> Oysters!

I explain again, no oysters.

> Two dozen! Oysters!

After a third and fourth time where he barks an order at me, then acts all busy so he ‘can’t hear’ my response, I stop and stare at him. He asks again, I just stare, he asks again, I just stare. He finally makes eye contact with me. “Sir, we are a burger joint, no oysters.” He is finally forced to acknowledge me.

> So go get some!

We were in a casino, we were the only restaurant open at 2AM, he knew this but expected me to run around to some closed restaurant and grab raw shellfish them just happen to be hosting during closed hours.”

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Children of Strict Parents Share the Ridiculous Rules They Had to Follow

Growing up in an Indian household, I know for a fact my parents were much more strict than a lot of my friends. That said when I read the stories below I thanked my lucky stars that my parents were still pretty reasonable.

AskReddit users ‘fessed up and revealed the ridiculous things their parents wouldn’t allow them to do. If you think your parents were hard on you…you might reconsider by the end.

1. SMH

“I was once grounded for a month, like, could go out to play with my friends, watch TV, play video games, or use the phone, because I said that I believed in evolution.

I had to admit that evolution wasn’t real, and I had to write “Evolution is not real.” 100 times.

We didn’t even go to church.”

2. No friends

“My dad wouldn’t let me leave the house on the weekends.

Guess who was upset that I didn’t have any friends?”

3. Homeschooled

“I was taken out of school and homeschooled. I wasn’t allowed to see my friends more than once every few months. So I would go weeks without seeing anybody except my parents and old church-people.

This was basically my entire time as a teenager.”

4. No entry

“My mom allowed me to invite friends over but they weren’t allowed in the house. One day it rained and we had to sit on the porch until my friend’s mom came to get her.”

5. Truly white

“I wasn’t allowed to wear white clothes, cuz I’d never be able to keep them “truly white”.

Also, drive. Everyone around me has a drivers license except for me. When asking my parents why they never taught me or sent me to driving lessons, they just said “oh, you’re not good enough to drive”. Without actually giving me a chance. Thanks mom and stepdad.”

6. Why bother inviting him?

“My dad told me (F18) to invite one of my male friends (M18) with us on vacation. The friend’s room was on the one side of the living room while mine was on the other. My dad proceeded to stack 5 chairs on the inside of my door so that he’ll hear if my FRIEND snuck into my room.”

7. Rough Childhood

“I wasn’t allowed to have friends at all. Wasn’t allowed to go outside to play except supervised in the yard. I had a pet snake, she was my only friend. One night she got out of her tank some how and my dad found her. She hissed at him, he killed her then he skinned her while I had to watch.

In high school I was allowed to go to someones house to play D&D with them. But it ended up being a ‘test’ that I failed resulting in a lot of screaming and punishment.

After HS, my father made me start college immediately, threatening to kick me out if I didn’t. Literally a week out of HS I was in college doing a degree I had zero interest in. I finished and tried to do a degree that I was interested in, I was berated, screamed at and manipulated into quitting. During HS I wasn’t allowed to work or get a driving license or get out in the world at all so I was 100% stupid about pretty much everything.

There are worse things… but I guess it turned out well enough.”

8. Grounded

“Was once grounded from the library because my parents were mad that they couldn’t punish me with isolation (go to my room? Yes, please!).”

9. Satanic Panic

“I wasn’t allowed to play Dungeons and Dragons any more, got my books and materials confiscated.

1980s Satanic Panic stuff.

It particularly sucked because we weren’t well off and I’d earned the money to buy the DM books without their help. Plus, losing those made friends’ investment in player manuals useless …”

10. Strict

“My parents were very strict about “gender appropriate activities” I’m a girl so any activity deemed to masculine was off limits. Things I was interested in but banned from doing:

Skateboarding, video games, reading comic books, playing Pokemon, certain movies and books, playing most sports, watching most sports… The list goes on.”

11. Don’t cheat

“I was once sent to my room for cheating at Battleship.

I had to stay on my bed for a few hours. My mother went to the store and left us kids alone. At some point, my sister got stuck in a tree. I left my room, helped her down, then returned to my bed. When Mom got home I told her, and got in trouble for leaving the room.”

12. Um…

“My parents had a eat it or wear it rule.

I distinctly remember hiding under the table while my mom threw spaghetti at me.”

13. Roald Dahl forbidden

“My mom raised us in a super Christian household but has relaxed as I grew up. When I was in elementary school she didn’t want me to watch James and the Giant Peach for some reason (oooOoohh evil).

We watched it in my third grade class and I was too shy to speak up. Then as the credits were rolling, I raised my hand and said, “Mrs. Norris, I am not allowed to watch that movie.” lol. my poor grade school self.”

14. The Big N

“I got an “N” in handwriting in 2nd grade (it stands for Needs Improvement).

They took my toys, books, posters, art supplies, everything, and put it in the closet and nailed the closet shut. They dumped my clothes in a pile on the floor and taped my dresser shut. I had to live in a completely barren room with nothing at all to do but lay on the bed and daydream and think about what I did until the next improved report card came out. It was a very long 6 weeks.

By high school they were so wrapped up in their own addictions and petty dramas that they entirely gave up the pretense of being strict parents raising smart successful children. They didn’t care if I went to school, got good grades, did homework, etc. I showed them by not graduating.”

15. No tattoos for you

“I understand why my mum does this but it’s still annoying, but she absolutely will not let me get a tattoo. I’m 18, I don’t need her permission and I’m really tempted to do it anyway cause I don’t care anymore, but she’s that parent who’s like “my house my rules” and threatens to kick me out if I get a tattoo (Which is a total lie but I want to leave anyway so I may just do it to get kicked out on purpose).”

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