Ex-Convicts Share the 15 Most F***ed Up Aspects of Prison Life

Prison is hell, and we should all be incredibly thankful that most of us will likely never experience it.

Thank heavens for that, because this AskReddit thread had ex-cons shed some light on the most f*cked up things about prison that the general public doesn’t know about, and it’s messed up.

1. Smokes

“A cigarette in prison consists of the following:

Take a regular cigarette out of the pack

Cut the tobacco portion of that cigarette into 4 equal parts

Remove the tobacco from each of those separated portions and reroll it using Bible pages into 4 mini-cigarettes called a “clip”

Sell each clip for $2-$4

A cigarette out of that pack can be sold whole for between $10-$20 each.

Edit: Here is the currency conversion for the prison where I was incarcerated:

1 ramen noodle soup = $1

1 mackerel fish pouch = $1.50

bag of coffee = $8

new bar of Ivory soap = $2

1 pack of duplex cookies = $2

bed made = $1

laundered t shirt = $1

tattoo = $20 – $50 (depends on how many hours spent)

fellatio in far stall = $5

All part of the cigarette/clips/tobacco trade

It was very common for someone to walk around the yard picking up fully Smoked Cigarettes to shake out the last few crumbs of tobacco for rolling into a clip.

Most people were fine just buying a clip or two that would last them for the entire evening. If someone saw you smoking a Cadillac you are either going to have to share that Cadillac or fight. (Again a Cadillac is a full Factory rolled standard cigarette.)”

2. NOISE

“With the acoustics of concrete, steel and glass, its not only not quiet noises all the time… it’s LOUD noises all the time. Barely can think in some cell blocks.”

3. GOT is everywhere

“On a slightly lighter side, a sort of family friend recently got out of prison after ~18 years for holding up a gas station for drug money.

My uncle was his friend and when the guy got out my uncle said “Man, there’s this show you’re gonna love called Game of Thrones.”. The guy laughed and said he was current on it. The in-prison black market was his source for a tiny ~2 inch battery powered screen and microSD cards with the episodes on it.

Every now and then it would be confiscated as contraband and he’d have to save up for a month to buy another.

He also had a prison-cat that knew to leave his cell before morning activities and to come back after lights out, he’d feed it little chunks of meat he smuggled out of the mess hall. One big thing for him was making sure to train the cat who to go to next because there’s definitely some people that would have killed it just for the unique experience.”

4. Sounds terrible

“You never wake up feeling safe, ever. There is so much hanging over your head that you may not be in control of that the stress level is through the roof.”

5. Lifers

“The lifers are usually the nicest people you will meet while you are there. This is their home, this is their whole world. Most of them try to make it as pleasant for themselves as possible.”

6. A business

“The fact that literally every single aspect of the infrastructure is setup to be for-profit, to exploit your family. From arrest quotas, to plea deal quotas, to the corporate run phone system, the prison labor gimmick slave labor used to make PRODUCTS FOR COMPANY PROFIT, not to better the community or help society.

Prison is a business, a corrupt, criminal, awful business run by politicians and special interests that are more evil than the inmates.”

7. Interesting…

“The most unlikely people are chess masters.”

8. The simplicity

“When you get out you miss the simplicity of choices.

When you are in all you think about is getting out and what you will do when that happens. Everything focuses around this.

When you are out, at first, the input is enormous and a small part of you miss the simplicity. 🙂

9. The rules

“Former prison librarian here.

Dental care – Dentists won’t fill your teeth, they will just pull them. No caps, no implants.

Race – Prisons are still self-segregating in a lot of ways. When I worked in a prison in WV, one dorm had a black TV (controlled only by black inmates) and a white tv (controlled by only white inmates).

Honor culture – If you call someone a name or steal from them, the other person must retaliate to save honor. As a result, you will see a lot of black eyes in prison.

Postage stamps are a form of currency.

Many prisons censor what books come into the institution. At one prison I worked in, The Art of War by Sun Tzu was banned simply because of the title. I assure you that no one in admin had ever read the book.”

10. Guilt

“My dad was in prison, in his situation, and in many others, you feel immense guilt after getting to know your fellow inmates. Because you’re gonna get out, and they’re not, ever.”

11. Broken spirit

“A neighbor of mine was locked up for murder and released some time before I was born. It’s one of those things where everyone knew about it but no one talked about it.

I remember him telling me the story of why he was in there and what it was like (very rarely did), and the most surprising thing in his experience was that the smaller/quieter/weaker/more vulnerable in general were typically left alone. It’s only if you acted like a big shot did people want to fight you.

Also, picking fights with said smaller/quieter/weaker/more vulnerable ones will instantly get you a nonstop flogging by other inmates until your spirit broke.”

12. Ugh

“Shit-bombing.

I had a friend go to prison for a drug related crime. He had his own cell and stuck to himself for the most part. Another inmate shit into a water bottle and filled it to the brim with water and mixed it up into a slush.

Said inmate then took the water bottle to the my friends cell, placed at the slit at the bottom of his cell door, and fucking stomped on it! Shit water sprayed absolutely everywhere… while my friend was in the cell too.”

13. Barefoot

“When you get out, the feeling of soft carpet on your bare feet is borderline orgasmic and you’ll never take it for granted again.”

14. Sickness

“Don’t get sick! You’ll probably die a horrible death.”

15. Withholding

“Guards can and will withhold medical treatment. When I was in county jail, there was an older woman, vomiting profusely. She couldn’t keep water down, her skin was tenting and she was hallucinating.

I explained all this to the guards and that she needed medical treatment immediately. For two days she was like that until I transferred out. I have no idea what happened to that woman and I still think about her. This was in Georgia, USA.”

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15 of the Most Unbelievably Scary Things People Have Actually Seen

Have you ever experienced something incredibly creepy, but nobody believed you when you told them about it? Maybe you saw a ghost, or a UFO, or something else weird enough to raise suspicions.

These AskReddit users shared their scariest experiences that no one believes for some reason. Except me. I believe you.

1. The tackle box

“Alright, buckle in.

My neighbor was dying of a heart condition about 6 years ago. He knew he was, so he was giving away his valuables to people he trusted with them. Neighbor gave me his tackle box. He loved to fish. I would see him come home from fishing every day and he’d just sit on his porch and skin fish.

I just put the tackle box in my closet and didn’t really do anything with it since I don’t fish. Anyways, soon after, he passed away in his home. Exactly a week after that, I woke up to the tackle box at the foot of my bed. Weird, but my stepdad likes to dick around, figured it was him, so I put it back. The next morning, I wake up, it’s at the foot of my bed again.

So, I ask my stepdad what the deal was, and he had no idea what I was talking about. To test this, I put the tackle box in a spot that he wouldn’t find, nor would he attempt to get it. Under my bed, all the way in the back against the wall, and I put stuff in front of it to conceal it. Next morning, nothing. Okay, I guess it was him.

Didn’t give it much thought after that. 3 days pass, I wake up one morning and there it is, at the foot of my bed. Fuck. Now i’m starting to freak out. So I did what any rational person would and I went fishing with it. After I went fishing, I put the tackle box away, and it hasn’t moved since then. It’s still there.”

2. Very strange

“Just after high school, maybe six months or so after 9-11, I was a van driver who drove the meals for meals on wheels to the place where they get packaged up and taken for home delivery. Anyway the delivery van only had am/fm radio and I was listening to 92.5 fm, when all of a sudden the station cuts out and a transmition that I can only describe as an American version of a numbers station began playing.

It was seemingly random numbers followed by a long period of the same phrase repeated over and over again. The phrase was “they took the crosstown bus”, over and over again. None of the other drivers heard it but man was it creepy to hear. Eventually the regular radio station came back on and they never mentioned anything about it.”

3. Vanished

“This happened to me last year and I fully understand why no one believed me because it sounds ridiculous.

Every morning, I need to wake up at 5 am to get the 5:30 bus to the train station to go to university. I had to be there by 8 am, but I like to get there half an hour early.

To get to the bus stop, I have to walk down this bike path and under this bridge to get to this quiet backstreet road. There is fuck all light on the bike path. This street is dead quiet. The right side of the road is a continuation of the bike path, and the left is a normal footpath with a long green hedge.

One morning, I was standing there waiting for a bus and this old women comes walking out from under the bridge. I didn’t see her at first because as I said it was pitch black on the bike path. She crosses the road and walks up to me. She asked me if I knew where X road was. I turned to point in the direction of the road she was looking for. I turned back and she was gone.

This old women who was walking at a snails pace dissapeared within 3 seconds.”

4. Intruder

“The scariest thing i saw was at the age of 16, I woke up early in the morning (4:30-5-ish AM) me and some friends were supposed to go on a roadtrip for the weekend (we had a long af ride to one of the stops we wanted to visit, and didn’t wanna be there too late) i look out my window and it’s still a kinda dark outside, i walk downstairs and see wet footprints all over the house, and suddenly a big man (Like 6’7”. i was around 6’1” at the time) just bolt past me and out the front door.

Not really creepy, but i shat at least 5 bricks and bolted upstairs to my dad.

Nothing got stolen, but things were scattered all over the house.”

5. Spirits

“Fishing on Lake Minnewanka in Banff national park with a good freind. About 50 feet from shore.

Around 8:30 pm I see glowing red eyes. Up in the trees. Like …. red… like predator i guess. I do a double – take… they are gone.

I decide not to say anything, maybe I’m trippin. Did just smoke up. Nope. 5 mins later my buddy says “I just seen some glowing red eyes up in the top of those trees.”

I feel goosebumps. “Yup, I saw them too”.

We look back and they are gone. We decide to aim the boat towards the shoreline. It’s not dark yet but sun is going down. We saw nothing. No owls, no goats in the trails. We didn’t get off the boat but we had a good look around.
When I ask him about it (this was around 10 years ago) he just says he doesn’t want to talk about it.

I can’t blame him. But after all these years I’ve never heard or seen anything like those glowing red eyes, 30 – 40 feet up in the trees. Staring at us.

I copied and pasted this next part, I knew nothing about the history when we went fishing there..

“For more than 100 centuries, people hunted and camped along the original shores of Lake Minnewanka. The Stoney people called it “Minn-waki” or “Lake of the Spirits”. They respected and feared this lake for its resident spirits. The Early Europeans called it Devil’s Lake.”

I used to go camping there. I do not any more. Mostly because it’s bear country for most of the summer. But yeah also because of those bright red eyes. I will never forget that. Most surreal thing I’ve ever seen.”

6. Missing time

“I used to have a buddy that lived in the same neighborhood, a few streets over. One night we were having a couple of beers in his backyard while playing cards. I had some things to do the next morning so just before 10 I said my good-byes and shoved off.

It was a short walk (MAYBE 15 minutes door-to-door) so I never drove. Anyway, it was a nice night… uneventful trip. But when I got home, my roommate was coming out the front door, coffee in hand, and dressed for work. He gave me a funny look and said he thought I was asleep since my truck was in the driveway. I told him where I’d been and asked why he was going in to work at night.

That’s when he kind of laughed and asked if I was drunk. We stared at each other for a minute and then he told me it was just after 5 IN THE MORNING and he was going in just like he usually did.

In my entire life, I’d never felt more confused than I did in that moment. I could tell he was dead serious but I KNEW I had just left my friend’s house.

I checked my phone and sure enough… 5-something in the AM. My roommate left for work. I paced circles in the living room for a bit then called the friend whose house I’d just left. He groggily answered and confirmed I’d left at ten the previous evening.

I have no idea what happened during those 7 hours of my life and it gives me chills to think about it all these years later. I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t tired, no one could have slipped anything in either of the two Coors lights I’d had…no known medical conditions that would have caused me to blackout, and nothing has happened like it since.

I just don’t know what happened to that time.”

7. Help!

“I was walking to class from the dining hall on my campus when I saw a lady yelling for help and banging on a window of a nearby building.

Lots of people were walking past but I was the only one who seemed to acknowledge it. I went to the window to help and she told me she was locked in a room in the building and that she needed me to come in and open the door.

Now, I have no idea the layout of this building and where she was located. So I decided to call campus security for help despite her pleading with me not to call them and to just let her out. I call them and when I hear them coming I go to greet them so I can take them to the window.

I leave for maybe a maximum of fifteen seconds and when I return with campus security she is gone. We can’t see her at the window and campus security goes inside to double check and sure enough there is no trace of her.

Campus security definitely thought I was crazy and I’m sure my professor thought I was full of shit when I explained to him why I was late. No one seems to believe me that this happened but I swear it did.”

8. “It changed the way I look at things”

“About 8 years ago now I was taking a drive out to Kansas from the east coast. I was with a friend and we were going out to see her grandparents. Once we were about 2 hours from the grandparents house my friend starts outlining standard operating procedures of “seeing things” in and around her family’s home.

She seemed a bit panicky when going over everything but I managed to calm her down. I’m skeptical of everything and assured her that the things she had seen when she was a small child were just manufactured in her imagination. She insisted that the entire family had seen these “things” with the exception of her grandparents.

2 hours later, we arrive in Kansas and I’m ready to fall over because of the length of time the last leg of the trip took. We are welcomed and grandmother takes me to a back bedroom and just as she about to close the door; she stops, says “maybe you shouldn’t stay in this room” and escorts me to another room. Ok, that was a little strange but whatever, I’m tired.

Fast forward to night #2 at the grandparents home. It’s around 11pm and my friend is crashed out on the couch watching tv. I’m in an adjacent bedroom from which I can see her laying on the couch. I nod off for the night and wake up to a old grey man that bared a resemblance to the grandfather but was not the grandfather standing with his back to me in the doorway looking at my friend sleeping on the couch.

I decided I was going to get up and confront the old grey man and something slammed me back into the bed. I tried to get up several more times with the same result. Each time I was slammed back into the bed a voice would repeat “put a seal on the door”

Finally, I snapped to it’s 3 am and everything was normal. I must have been sleeping. It was a dream. No old grey man and my friend was fast asleep. So I start pacing around the room trying to decide how I feel about what had just happened. I glance over to my friend her eyes are open and she says “you seen it”. I say, “get in the car, I can’t be here right now.”

We spend the next 4 hours sitting in a Walmart parking lot talking about the history of her experiences in that house and comparing to my own. Ok, my nerves are not on fire anymore and we are heading back to the grandparents home. We arrive and they are waiting for us inside. I tell them exactly what happened to me and I get “yeah, that’s strange.

We usually do seal our doors with a prayer at night but with all the excitement we just must have forgotten. All the children have mentioned stories of things but we have never seen them. We are sorry you had to go through that”.

I’m really not sure what I seen or experienced that night but when I tell people they get that look of skepticism. It’s obvious they don’t believe me. My conclusion is that the experience was indistinguishable from reality in the moment. I don’t know what that means but it changed the way I look at things.”

9. Stabbing attempt

“This was 4 years ago. As I was walking on the sidewalk on a busy afternoon, I saw a suspicious boy/man about 18 yo. He was 10 meters away and walking what it looked like towards me. I kept my eyes on him despite the fact that he wasn’t looking directly at me, his eyes were roaming jumping from an object to an object.

As we approached one another, half a meter away from each other he takes out a knife and tries to stab me in my left side. He wasn’t really fast, so I easily dodged it and immediately turn to see who is he, or if he is trying to stab me again. To my surprise he continues walking and after couple of meters he stopes turns around smiles and gives me thumbs up, then he continues walking in the opposite direction.

Till this day I don’t know who he was, what he wanted and even my family doesn’t believe me, because “if someone wanted to stab you, you can‘t stop him. You aren’t experienced enough to dodge it like that” and something of that kind.”

10. Weird

“Didn’t see it but heard it. My friends and I got a cheap set of walkie-talkies from Walmart and were playing around with them in the middle of the day. There’s a bit of silence as we’re trying to figure out the volume and out of nowhere there’s a male voice saying “mayday mayday mayday” that comes through all of our walkie talkies and it definitely sounds like it from one of those aircraft headsets. We try to answer back but there’s no response. I called non emergency but they said there weren’t any reports of distressed aircraft or ships and even if there were, they couldn’t do anything about it.

Alternatively, a couple months later I saw a plane with an engine on fire go over my campus but apparently no one else did.”

11. I swear it’s true

“When I was 7 or 8, I would have a reoccurring nightmare that one of my dolls came to life, played with me, and then would try to pull me into my closet with her. I’d follow her into the closet at first, but then she’d show me this little door at the back of the closet, and my heart would start to race. I don’t know what it was about that door, but I knew something bad would happen if I went through it.

I’d start to struggle and try to pull away, but the doll was too strong and would start pulling me through the door. At this point in the dream, I’d always wake up screaming. The worst part was I had night terrors, so sometimes I’d wake up standing next to my closet. Every night before bed, I’d make my parents make sure there wasn’t a little door at the back of my closet. There never was.

Anyway, I was talking to my mom the other day and this dream came up. I’m laughing about it and how ridiculously paranoid I was about dolls and that closet, but my mom gets really quiet. She tells me the creepy part of that dream wasn’t the doll; it was the fact that there used to be a little door at the back of the closet, but when I was one year old, they remodeled the house and put a wall where the door used to be. There’s no way I could have remembered that door, but years later, I kept dreaming about it.

None of my friends believe this story, but I swear it’s true.”

12. On the stump

“I grew up on a 2 acre home with plenty of trees and room for an 8 yr old to run around. Our house also was heated in winter by a wood fireplace, so we would periodically cut down one of our own trees to save money. Well for about 2 years, there was a stump less then a foot tall near the house, and at least once a day, without fail, I would see someone standing on the stump.

Usually it was out of the corner of my eye, but once or twice I looked directly at him. I always looked away quickly, cuz it startled me and he was gone, but my sister says she experienced the same thing. Nothing ever came of it though.”

13. Adam

“Growing up, I had a friend named Adam. He was never able to come out during the day, only right before all of us kids had to go home for the evening.

Adam lived a few houses over, in a house with an overgrown yard. I met his parents once. They were very strange, didn’t smile, and obviously didn’t want me there.

I remember Adam telling me that he was sick, that’s why he couldn’t play that much. He was a small boy, pale with dark hair.

Eventually, Adam stopped showing up all together. And I eventually moved on, though I do remember going to his house a couple times to see if he could come play, and his dad just gave me this look before closing the door in my face.

Later in life, I asked my sister if she remembered him. She doesn’t, and according to my parents – that house was empty the entire time we lived there.

I don’t know who Adam was, I don’t know why I so vividly remember him and his parents. As far as I can tell, he wasn’t real – and yet I have perfect memories of him and his parents.”

14. Who’s there?

“I woke up to something, it sounded like a door shutting. At first I thought it was a dream because I could hear it in the dream as I was waking up, kinda like when someone calls your name when you’re dreaming. But then I looked at my cat, his hair was completely standing up and he was beaming at my bedroom door.

This was the moment when I got really scared bc i know animals can pick up on that shit and I thought he might know somethings wrong. My cat doesn’t do this type of thing unless a dog is in the room.

So I looked over at the door and the only way I can describe it is it looked like it was swaying, slowly, like it was breathing, like someone was standing on the other side of it trying to hear if I was awake. This swaying was accompanied by a shadow. *I don’t mean a supernatural shadow, but it looked like the shadow of a person behind the door.

I was paralyzed in fear. I lied there for 5 minutes naked watching this door away. I considered yelling and trying to scare them away but I was terrified someone might respond. I legitimately thought this was the moment where I will have to defend myself or be killed.

I don’t own a gun but after 10 minutes or so I mustered up the courage to check every room in the house. I fucking checked every corner too. But there was no one there.

I don’t know what happened, but my evolutionary traits kicked in and I completely believed someone was outside my door.”

15. An angel

“This makes me sound fucking crazy but anyways:

It was a warm summer morning back when I was a kid. I was standing in our hallway, putting on my shoes when I randomly peeked into our living room and saw a see-through male figure surrounded by rainbow coloured light standing right in the middle of the living room. He was reading a book and didn’t seem to notice me.

I thought it was weird but I didn’t feel scared or anything. It felt like the room was filled with a warm, loving energy if that makes sense. I kinda just shrugged it off and went about my day, probably because I was too young to really understand what I’d seen. A few days later when my mom tucked me into bed she read me a bedtime story about a kid who meets an angel or something like that, don’t remember the story exactly but what is interesting is the authors description of what that angel looked like.

It was exactly the same as the strange rainbow man I had seen in our living room a couple of days before. It even said that angels will often visit humans surrounded by a strong, rainbow coloured lightening and manifest themselves while reading a book*.*

I casually blurted out:”Oh, I’ve seen an angel then!” and my mom was like:”You have? That’s great!” and we didn’t talk more about that for a while until one day where I randomly asked my mom if I could see a picture of my grandad who died unexpectedly while my mom was pregnant with me.

She found an old family album and we looked through pictures of my parents’ wedding that happened exactly one year before I was born. There was a picture of three or four people sitting together, laughing and having a great time at the party. I immediately pointed out the guy who sat in the middle and said:”How funny! He looks just like the angel I saw!!” and my moms face turned white as a ghost. She was just about to tell me that this was indeed my deceased grandfather who I never got to meet. I’m very convinced it was him visiting me.”

The post 15 of the Most Unbelievably Scary Things People Have Actually Seen appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Reveal the Conspiracy Theory They Believe To Be True

Are there any conspiracy theories that you believe in? Personally, I am convinced that there are aliens out there – though I’m not sure the government is covering it up. I just think they are actively avoiding us because humanity sucks.

Somebody on Reddit asked the questions: “What conspiracy theory do you believe to be true? What evidence led you to this conclusion?”

And lo, the people delivered!

1. The real conspiracy…

I’m starting to think that the really stupid conspiracy theories (vaccines causing autism, flat earth, lizard people, etc.) are intentionally spread by propaganda groups and troll farms.

They don’t care what stupid shit you believe, but they are very interested to know that you’re a gullible mark who will believe anything with no evidence, and won’t do research with authorities on the matter to find the truth.

If you want to spread misinformation, look for the people who do it as a hobby.

2. Oh snap….

The 10 year challenge all over social media is actually a way to record and gather more facial recognition data

3. The strange killing of John Lang.

The Fresno Police killed John Lang.

It’s been a while since I’ve read the story, so forgive me if I get something wrong. John Lang was a journalist who was very critical of the FPD. He wrote an article about how the police went into poor parts of the city and pulled cars over that parked in free parking lots or something like that. Eventually, he started noticing people watching his house, “FBI style.”

One night he asked on Facebook if he could stay in someone’s home for the night, as he knew the police were going to kill him that night. After no one let him, his house caught on fire.

4. F is for Fake

I’ve always speculated that a lot of priceless artwork and historical documents are actually replicas or copies.

Obviously a painting by a world-famous artist using a very specific technique would be very hard to fake, and I don’t think that every art scholar in the world is paid off in some grand conspiracy.

Rather, I just think that either the national treasures never left their vaults or that some national treasures actually were lost to history but they were copied.

5. The OJ theory…

O.J. Simpson didn’t do it, it was Jason Simpson.

O.J. didn’t do it: Nicole Brown was nearly decapitated and Ron Goldman was stabbed 20+ times and had numerous defensive wounds. The prosecution claimed the injuries were consistent with two knives being used and produced a stiletto knife -good for stabbing but not cutting- and a Swiss Army knife -not really good for hurting anyone other than yourself. O.J. had only a small cut on his hand with no other evidence of having been in a fight. The only blood found in his home were a few drops of his own blood which were contaminated with a preservative used in blood draws.

Jason did it: Means: Jason was employed as a sous-chef and had his own knife set, and also owned a double-edged combat knife.

Motive: Jason was cooking alone at his restaurant that night and had specifically invited Nicole to come see him cook. She stood him up and went to Mezzaluna where Ron Goldman worked. Jason was known to be bothered by Nicole seeing men other than his father.

Opportunity: Jason’s timecard that night was handwritten for a time much later than when the restaurant shut down. His alibi changed multiple times, but the last time anyone can definitely account for him is around 9:30 that night.

The kicker? The day after the murders, O.J. retained one of L.A.’s top criminal defense attorneys for Jason and did not hire his own defense attorney until several days later.

6. Michael?!?

Sony killed Michael Jackson.

He owned the rights to the Beatles discography.

After he died, Sony had remastered versions of every Beatles album available days after MJ’s estate sold the rights to Sony.

There’s no way they could have remastered the albums and published the CDs in that short amount of time.

7. The art market…

I believe that modern/minimalistic art exists solely for money laundering. It’s just a way for rich people to move money around. There’s a reason why paintings of plain geometric shapes sell for millions of dollars, and it’s not because the buyers are really into shapes.

It’s actually more of a loophole than a conspiracy. All countries, and most cities have “free port” zones. Free ports are areas, usually near a port where goods can be stored duty free because they are ultimately bound for another country.

HOWEVER, these “free ports” can also be used to store art. Art with incredible value, crated away never to been seen again. These free ports become untaxable, untraceable banks for the ultra wealthy.

This is a real thing.

I wanna be an oligarch, i hate having to play by the rules

8. This insane one about the Titanic

The Titanic/Olympic conspiracy.

It has credibility because there is photographic evidence. It’s really one of the only conspiracy theories I put much belief in.

The sister ships (and their third counterpart, the Britannic) were owned by White Star Line. The Olympic was put into service in June, 1911. She collided with another ship, the HMS Hawke, in September of 1911 and both ships were badly damaged. The accident was a financial disaster for White Star Line, as they were found to be liable for the accident and had to pay for the damages to both ships and legal fees for court cases associated with the accident. Repairs on the Olympic took nearly two months and parts intended for the Titanic, which was still being built during this time, had to be given to the Olympic instead. Only a few weeks after being returned to service, the Olympic suffered another minor incident where one of the propellers broke off and pieces intended for the Titanic were once again cannibalized.

At this point, the Olympic was looking like more and more of a money-drain for the White Star Line, though its achievement in not actually sinking despite a major accident that should have sunk it cemented the Olympic-class liner’s reputation as “unsinkable”, but I’ll get back to that in a moment.

The Titanic was finally finished and ready to leave port on her maiden voyage on April 10, 1912, having been delayed while new parts were made and delivered to replace the ones needed for the Olympic, and from there we all know the story. She went first to France, and then to Ireland, and then began her trek across the Atlantic to New York, during which she struck an iceberg and after nearly two hours, sank, taking 1,500 souls with her to a cold, watery grave that would not be seen again by human eyes for nearly a hundred years.

The Olympic went on to have a 24-year career as a successful ocean liner. She served during World War 1 where she earned the nickname Old Reliable for her impenetrable hull, and then in 1919 she was re-outfitted to be a civilian passenger ship and served as an ocean liner until 1935, when she was retired from the fleet. Her ownership changed hands several times and she was eventually dismantled and sold for scrap metal.

But what if it wasn’t the Titanic that sank? What if it was actually the Olympic? What if it was a ploy to remove a faulty ship that was costing them more money than she was bringing in for White Star Line and cash in on her million-pound insurance policy?

So here is the conspiracy theory. At some point after the Titanic was completed, they switched the identities of the ships. The new “Titanic” was actually the Olympic and the “Olympic” was actually the brand-spanking-new Titanic, fresh from the construction yard with zero problems and zero history. They intended for the “Titanic” to suffer some sort of failure that would result in the destruction of the problem ship so they could collect the insurance money. I doubt they intended to also cause the deaths of 1,500 people; the events that transpired which led to the sinking of the “Titanic” possibly happened purely by chance and the iceberg wasn’t part of their plan (i.e., they didn’t hire the captain to specifically ram the iceberg to sink the ship or anything like that). They probably had another plan involving the repairs that had already been made on the ship when it collided with the HMS Hawke.

In any case, it wasn’t really the Titanic that left port on April 10, 1912 — it was the Olympic.

After the sinking of the “Titanic,” White Star Line received a tidy sum of £1,000,000 in insurance money (or £89,289,575 in today’s money). This, of course, ruined the insurer, Lloyd’s of London. There’s an additional conspiracy theory that American financier and banker J. P. Morgan was in on this whole scheme; his company, J. P. Morgan & Co., financed the International Mercantile Marine Company in the hopes of becoming rich off of sea travel, but this turned out to be a bad investment because of the unpredictable nature of sea travel and travelers themselves. J. P. Morgan or one of his associates may have schemed with White Star Line, who was a subsidiary of this IMMC, in order to bankrupt the IMMC and allow J. P. Morgan & Co. to withdraw from the IMMC without breaking a contract. I cannot provide evidence for this beyond speculation.

However, I can provide evidence that backs up my claim that the two ships were switched and it was the Olympic who sank, not the Titanic.

This is an image of the RMS Olympic in drydock (I am currently unable to locate a picture of the Olympic while under construction with the name clear so you can be sure it definitely is the Olympic — I can only assume such a photo doesn’t exist):

http://www.greatships.net/scans/PC-OL35.jpg

Check out the very top row of portholes in the white railing. Count them. Look closely at the grouping of the last five portholes and how they are clustered with two close together, one set apart, and two more close together.

This is an image of the RMS Titanic being built:

http://cdn.history.com/sites/2/2014/01/titanic-bow-construction.jpg

Look at the top-most portholes in the railing on the Titanic. Count them too. Look at the last five portholes and see that they are evenly spaced apart.

This is a picture of the “Titanic” before leaving on its maiden voyage. Check out the portholes in question:

https://timmyatt.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/titanic-harbour.jpg

Here is the “Olympic” in New York after the sinking of the “Titanic”:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/18/Olympic_in_New_York_cropped.jpg/1280px-Olympic_in_New_York_cropped.jpg

There is no reason why the ship builders would have changed the portholes on the Titanic when they were nearly done building it. That piece was not one of the pieces cannibalized from the Titanic to repair the Olympic that would have needed to be replaced by a different piece. The only answer is that the ship in the final picture, which is the ship that left port on April 10, 1912, and was met with a terrible fate near Newfoundland, was not the Titanic, but actually the Olympic. You can find pictures from newspapers further supporting this, as they clearly show the name of the ship and the wrong number/orientation of portholes.

I doubt we’ll ever know one way or another, since the wreck at the bottom of the Atlantic is quickly being covered with sediment and will be completely buried and inaccessible soon and pieces of the ship that was retired in 1935 and dismantled in 1937 are both difficult to find and difficult to authenticate, and anybody who might be able to either confirm or deny this theory are all dead.

9. The never-ending war…

That the USA deliberately gets into an armed conflict every decade or so for the purpose of ensuring that at any given time, they always have a critical mass of soldiers with actual combat experience.

They get in a lot of conflicts, and it seems highly probable that the leadership of a country that spends so much on national defense would highly value the institutional knowledge that comes from that kind of continuity of practical experience, even if it comes at a high human cost.

10. The Unabomber was made by the government?!

When Ted Kaczynski (the unabomber) was at Harvard, he participated in a brutal psychological experiment led by professor Henry Murray. The experiment lasted for three years and by many accounts they seemed to have an extreme impact on Kaczynski’s psyche. I think this experiment was part of the CIA’s MKUltra project and destabilized Kaczynski enough to where he eventually went on his reign of terror of sending bombed packages around the country.

During the MKUltra project, the CIA collaborated with university professors on these mind-control experiments but a lot of the documentation was destroyed when people started to look into it.

TL;DR: The unabomber participated in an experiment that was a part of the MKULtra project that eventually led to him becoming a mass-murderer.

11. They’re listening….

All my devices listen in on me.

The other day I was arguing with my Dad about some chicken I thought had gone off (it was frozen for about a month so we weren’t too sure but my Dad was insistent that it was still edible).

Dad decided to ask Google, and low and behold the related searches even from the first letter were: “Is chicken edible after being frozen for a month” and “How long can you freeze chicken before it goes off”.

Also, my Mum and I use this tactic where if we need to ring up a company about something and it puts us in a queue, we swear at it. It then puts you on a priority list and you don’t have to wait as long.

Kinda sketchy on the company’s behalf.

12. The YouTube conspiracy theory crowd is out in full force…

Marilyn Monroe was murdered by the US government.

She frequently attempted suicide and then called someone via her landline next to her bed to come save her. When she died, no traces of it were found within her stomach and her colon had been extremely cleaned.

A theory is that she was murdered via enema poisoning. I haven’t brushed up on it or researched in a long time so I am probably remembering facts incorrectly.

Search it up on YouTube- it’s quite interesting.

13. Disney, what you up to?

Disney made Zootopia partly to replace the Song of the South characters from Splash Mountain.

Splash Mountain is really the only thing that still exists in the public eye from Song of the South (along with the song “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah”), since Disney wants to pretend that movie doesn’t exist. So they created a movie featuring fox and rabbit characters that could replace Brer Fox and Brer Rabbit, and re-theme the entire ride to be Zootopia themed, while leaving some things (like the name, and the songs featured in the ride) from Song and the South.

There’s also that Disney loves re-theming things to their IP now (getting rid of Maelstrom and bringing in a Frozen themed ride), so it would make sense for them to re-theme a ride to a successful recent movie than keep a ride based off an old, mildly racist movie they’re trying to forget.

14. What goes on up there?

I believe there is a ridiculous amount of pedophilia among the upper echelons of society.

Whether it is uncovered in the Catholic Church, British parliament, Hollywood, Washington DC, Saudi Arabia, the mainstream media doesn’t seem interested in shining a light on the networks and procurers who allow this practice to thrive.

Remember when Sacha Baron Cohen inadvertently uncovered an underage sex service in las vegas? Imagine the demand required for this heinous practice to exist. Offered by the concierge no less.

Who is the mystery party requesting secrecy in Jeff Epstein’s sex trafficking suit?

Why was Johnny Rotten banned from the BBC for attempting to expose Jimmy Savile for sickening crimes against children?

These types of stories are far too common, and they do not receive the attention they deserve.

15. Flight 370

Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 wasn’t an accident.

There were definitely external forces that catalyzed its disappearance.

The flight path was diverted many times and there was a lot of shady stuff about some of the passengers and the pilot of Flight 370.

We may never know unless the plane is found.

If that last one didn’t satisfy your thirst for conspiracy theories, I don’t know what will!

The post 15 People Reveal the Conspiracy Theory They Believe To Be True appeared first on UberFacts.

13 People Who Met Their Online Friend and Regretted It

These days, it’s pretty common to make friends with people online whom you’ve never met. Maybe you both joined the same Facebook group, or maybe you play the same online games. These friendships tend to be generally harmless, and sometimes they can even lead to great real-life connections. Other times… not so much.

Someone on Reddit recently asked people to share horror stories of meeting up with online friends… and boy, did people have some stuff to share!

1. Who is he/she?

Not a horror story, but definitely weird. At 13 years old, I went to a show where my male online friend was also supposed to go. Not a big show and I was with my father, don’t worry.

We were supposed to meet at one of the entrances, but he never showed up. When I asked him about it later, he said he must have been at the wrong entrance.

Over time we stopped talking for no reason really. A few years later, one of our mutual online friend told me she learned that the guy in question was actually a girl. I don’t care about the gender, the thing is that she wasn’t the one on any of the pictures she sent to us and our other friends, and her name wasn’t her real name, she totally invented another identity.

The worst part is that another of our friend even told us she got pregnant from “him”. I don’t know if she asked her to fake a pregnancy, or if it was her own idea, but that was really weird. Wonder what other thing she lied to us about.

2. Well, that took a turn!

We were friends online for years. We’d meet up every so often and when we started families we’d meet up and take the kids to the zoos or whatever. She wanted us to go on a cruise together, with our husbands and kids.

I made the comment towards the effect of “We can’t afford that”, and she went nuts. We shouldn’t have had kids if we can’t afford them, we shouldn’t have more children, our life sucks blah blah blah because I didn’t want to go on a goddamn cruise with her and her bratty ass kid.

Sounds like a nightmare.

3. This doesn’t sound like a very chill set up…

I don’t know if it’s a horror story, but it how I ended up where I live now. I played WoW for years with a pretty regular group, got to know them offline and at one point two of them, a couple, invited me to move across the country.

At the time I didn’t have anything tying me to where I was, so I packed up and moved. Got out here, moved in with my friends and everything seemed okay. My buddy was a long haul driver so he was always gone for days at a time. His girl would try to set me up multiple times with two of her friends at the same time (one in Minnesota).

I ended up having a hard time finding work for a while, finally got a job though and was putting some money away while helping watch their kids. Out of nowhere one day my buddy accuses me of trying to fool around with his girl. Nothing had ever happened, but I had noticed her spending more and more time in my room when he wasn’t there. I knew his history and his previous relationship had ended after she cheated with a friend of his.

He wouldn’t listen, so I got kicked out without any warning and they stole about $1k worth of my stuff and later moved.

Ultimately it all worked out for me. Got a good job here, wife, kids and then cut out the friend and the girl completely.

4. Learn your lessons…

I was friends with a bunch of people I met through an online game. After about 2 years, I decided to meet 2 of them. The 2 I was meeting were a long distance couple, one from one country and the other from mine. They had met many times and had spent 2 weeks together prior to meeting with me. We met in the city, said hi and hugged and did some touristy stuff, took their pictures etc etc.

But throughout the whole time, they weren’t really talking to me. At first, I put it down to anxiety as I was nervous too. But even after lunch, they were only talking to each other and I felt left out. I even took a sneaky video of them talking to each other and sent it a friend, who agreed it was odd.

When it was time for me to leave, I told them I had to go but I had a nice time, and they continued to chat to each other. I said it again but no response, so I started to walk away, until one of them said “Oh byeee”

I was really hurt. It was like they didn’t want me to be with them. I had spent a lot of money getting down, especially since at the time I didn’t have a job. When I got back, I stopped talking to them. The friend who I sent the video to sent a message to them asking why they were ignoring me, and they tried to turn it on me saying that I was the quiet one and that I was being rude to them, especially “leaving without saying goodbye”. I blocked them all on the game.

A few months go bye and one of them finds my social media and tries to reconnect. Starts off well, and then goes back to blaming me. Haven’t met anyone from the internet since.

5. Absolutely tragic

He and I were part of the same forum many, many years ago. He was dealing with his issues and I was dealing with mine. I think we both went there to escape, where people wouldn’t judge. Also, because we were bored.

I’m not quite sure when we got properly talking, I think it’s when he told a terrible joke about kipper ties. We used to share everything with each other, over MSN. I’d give him advice about his love life and he’d listen to all my fuck ups.

It took quite a few fuck ups before we eventually met up. I think I already knew we were in love but seeing him in person really cemented it. We decided to give it a go, even though we lived 300 miles away from each other.

We had a lot of ups and downs. I was distant, he lived with his ex girlfriend for a bit even though she didn’t have a job and couldn’t afford her half of the rent. The same ex gf who I’d given him advice on, who he had nicknamed trouble and liked to claim she was pregnant every so often.

We got over that, along with many other things, and finally moved in with each other. I thought our issues were gonna be solved when there was no distance between us. Ends up, we were just very different people who wanted very different things and the distance wasn’t gonna change that. We broke up after three and a half years together.

None of that’s the horror story. Not the way he treated me, not the fact he probably cheated on me, not that I wasn’t a priority and used to cry myself to sleep.

About a year and a half after breaking up, he gets back in touch and we talk like it was in the beginning, when we were friends. After a few weeks, he asked if I want to get back together. I said no. I told him that he’d broken my heart again.

The next day, I got a phone call from his work because I was still his emergency contact asking me if I knew where he was because he hasn’t turned up. The police got in touch too. The last phone call that day was from his mum, to let me know that he’d killed himself.

6. The booger shrine…

I’ve been active in numerous online communities over the years, and have been fortunate enough to hang out with many of the friends I’ve made there in person. There’s only been one incident I couldn’t cope with.

He picked me up at the airport, which was very nice of him, and as soon as we got into the car, he started picking his nose.

There’s a lot that goes through your mind when you hop into a vehicle with someone you’ve never been alone with and you immediately catch them two knuckles deep in their rostrum. I looked quickly away so that he wouldn’t know I caught him and be embarrassed, if he was just trying to sneak one out before I noticed. If he did notice, he didn’t seem embarrassed, so I relaxed a little. I guessed maybe he was just so confident about himself and our friendship that he’d ascended past caring if I saw him take care of a quick boog.

Fine, sure.

When I finally looked back at him, he was wiping his fingers across his dashboard.

To this day I’m not really sure what to think, but this guy spent the entirety of the few hours we were together scooping out boogers and wiping them off on parts of his car or the table or wherever it was that we’d stopped at. I realized I was being transported in a rolling booger shrine and that there was nothing I could touch without needing to wash my hands. I was sitting on a crust of fossilized booger stuff. I had to be.

I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, he was a nice dude, but I wound up ollying out of our visit early because I couldn’t handle it. I don’t consider myself a clean freak, but as wiping started to stack it was all I could do not to throw open the passenger door and roll myself out into traffic to escape.

I still wonder if I should have done or said anything to save him some grief in the future but it didn’t feel like it was my place, you know? What do you even say?

7. Omg… helping a legit stalker do his thing?!

Guy I knew in college met a girl online and spent every day talking about her. She lived about 6 hours away, so he planned to take a semester off and pursue this relationship.

He got a job in her town and asked if I’d help him move out there since my car would hold more than he could take on a bus.

I had a long weekend off and figured, why not? A road trip cold be fun. I’d drive him out as a goodbye present, and the way back I planned to visit Yellowstone.

Well… We arrive and it turns out he doesn’t have an apartment lined up and… He found a job posting in his girlfriend’s town, he hadn’t actually gotten the job. Or even applied yet. I make a bunch of phone calls and find him a room to rent that will let him move in that day with just first, last, and deposit, even without a job.

I’m tired and disgusted with his lack of planning, but figure it’s worth staying the night and trying to end things on good terms with my buddy. Then he breaks down and confesses that he hasn’t actually met this girl. The nights he spent “video chatting” with her were really just him watching her vlog and jacking it. They’ve never talked. Never texted. Never even emailed. Hell, he’s never even left so much as a comment or “like” on one of her videos. She genuinely didn’t (still doesn’t) know he existed.

His plan was to hang out at this game shop she talks a lot about until she showed up and somehow create a relationship from that. He thought that they’d meet and she’d fall in love with him and move back to our college town to marry him… all before the next semester began.

That didn’t happen. Instead, I made my “buddy” buy a bus ticket for his ride back to school and left. He came back to school and got more cringey, not less.

I lost track of him after that.

8. Choked

I used to play WoW with my now ex. Our guild leader actually wound up moving to our state with his wife. My ex and I broke up before we got the chance to hang out with the guy, and right after the break up he messaged my ex essentially asking if it was cool if he and his wife got me drunk and took advantage of me. Ex showed me screenshots when I was getting my stuff from his place and I cancelled my plans to meet the guy and his wife.

My ex had been physically abusive and broke up with me to date the girl he’d cheated on me with. I’d tried leaving before but he’d fake suicide attempts and I was so scared he’d go through with it so I stayed. Even though he was in a new relationship he tried to keep tabs on me and control me, but I saw it as my chance to escape.

I happened to move right after we split and he didn’t know my new address. I blocked him on everything. Somehow he kept getting information on me though. Turns out the guild leader was feeding him everything, I hadn’t deleted the guy off Facebook cause I figured he was only a problem in person.

When I confronted him over messenger, bringing up the abuse, and the guy said, “He said he choked you because you guys were arguing and he was afraid he wouldn’t get the chance to speak. He still loves you.”

Side note, the choking was cause I was defending myself against accusations of cheating, which I hadn’t done.

9. Seized

I met a guy online, we really got on and he came over a few times so we could hang out. I did find him attractive and tried to hint that I was into him (note, I can’t flirt to save my life) but nothing ever happened. After a few “dates” he suddenly vanished offline. No social media, he wasn’t answering texts or emails, nothing. I thought he’d ghosted me. After 6 months he reappears, I asked him where he’d been and he said “I don’t want to talk about it”.

A few weeks after, there was a fad where people were googling their names and posting humorous stories they had found about similar people with their name (mine was about a ship that had my initials) and I started to google friends names just out of boredom/morbid curiosity, googled his name and found a local news story from his area, one of those “crime and courts” things that he had been done for statutory rape of a minor, online grooming and had his computer and phone seized as evidence.

10. The cancer patient…

This is way back in the mid ‘90s. Bulletin Board Systems were all the rage. I made friends with this guy from NC – he was friends with a bunch of us from my dorm, mostly females, which should probably have been a red flag but I was extremely naive at the time.

A couple months in, he mentioned he was coming to our state for a wedding and asked if he could come by our college to meet everyone. It was agreed he’d sleep in my dorm room since my roommate was almost never around. Now, there was no discussion or thought of sex, but I was pretty excited to meet this guy and see if he was as funny and charming as he was online.

Well.

Day arrives, dude shows up. I should mention that I and all my college friends were 18 or 19, this guy was 24. Or so he said. Guy looked like, and I’m not exaggerating, a cancer patient. Pale, gaunt features, long greasy pale blond hair except where he was bald on top, and just generally looked like he was about to die or he was dressed as a ghoul for Halloween. He insisted on hugging all of us.

I was trying to remind myself that looks don’t matter and that he was a cool guy despite his very unsettling appearance. But then, when we all started hanging out, things just got worse. He was asking really invasive questions of all of us, making weird comments to whatever was said, just all around creepy and distressing. I was sitting on the floor with another friend and actively rocking back and forth from discomfort.

I lied and said I had hurt my back and that sleeping on the floor helped, because that night he kept insisting we could share my tiny twin college bed. Nope nope nope nope nope.

Last time I ever met anyone from that site.

11. Bromo crush…

after college ended i was playing a game called EVE-online. i was in a corporation with a dude who i thought was the coolest. he had sold shit in game for real world money and had built a super computer. he had a smoking hot girlfriend, and had pictures of them rockclimbing doing some super cool shit. he was also like a head chef where he worked and since i was a chef as well… well… i had a little bit of a bromo crush on him.

he told me after i graduated that he could hook me up with a manager job and all i had to do was move up there. i sold everything i owned that day at a pawn shop and bought a uhaul and started driving.

1 hour before i got there(it was like a week long drive) he called me and told me the job was no longer available and i shouldnt come. when he found out how close i was he said to just come anyways. when i got there i was compeltely blown away. they lived in a disgusting section 8 apartment with 4 other people… in a 1 bedroom apartment… they had like 3 cats, which im allergic to, and a kid as well.

day one it was all drugs and partying. i did not partake. i was not enthused. day two i went into the city looking for a shit job to survive. i got one. it was shit. day three my “buddy” tells me where all moving out and into a nice apartment. week 3 we actually move into a new apartment, and the first night in that apartment he starts beating his smoking hot girl in front of their kid.

the second time he beat her, i called the cops. him and his girl immediately said i was the bad guy and that they were just loving each other… they had the cops escort me from the apartment.

so there i was, 1700 miles away from home, homeless at 2am, and its fucking raining on all my shit…

12. Red flags. Red flags EVERYWHERE!

Had an online friend for well over a decade. She lived around Atlanta and I went down there to visit my aunt and cousin.

Turns cousin was out of town and my aunt was too old to go around sightseeing. Hit up online friend and she and her boyfriend weren’t far from me so we met up. They were homeless and couch surfing at the time so I paid for everything. Didn’t really care I had vacation money to burn.

The trip was fine no real issues.

When I got home things started going sour they got kicked out of the friends place so the boyfriend asked me multiple times for money to get back on their feet. I sympathized but I spent all my spare cash on vacation so I declined. Eventually they broke up and she moved in with family.

She claimed he was abusive which I never saw signs of but he did tell her some ridiculous things. He said he had to get dick reduction surgery cause it was too big. Other equally ridiculous things about his military career. Made me realize that my friend was pretty naive about how the world works.

She never held a job. No higher education (which I don’t judge as a tradesman) never really had any sort of financial responsibility as she was entirely dependent on family or boyfriends. Basically in a state of arrested development.

So one day she’s texts me saying she wants kids but doesn’t want another man in her life. So she asks if I will donate my sperm to her. I’d have no obligation to the children whatsoever just be a donor. I agreed if she could proof she was financially stable first.

She flipped the fuck out said I was just another man trying to control her. I was raised by a single parent so I know how hard it is and I don’t want a child to go through that with a parent who can’t provide. She got more angry and I got fed up and told her off.

We haven’t spoken since. A fifteen year (ish) friendship died that day.

13. Well, this is the saddest thing I’ve ever read…

I was on MeetMe, met this guy who was super cool. We ended up texting every single day and i took the train out to Los Angeles to meet him.

When i got there, he was being kinda shitty and he told me that he hadn’t gotten much sleep becuz he was partying until 5am. We walked to his house and when I walked into his room, i was kind of shocked. It was a 8×6.5 room. All he had was a mat on the floor and a small little jewelry box full of mementos on top of his suitcase of clothes.

We took a nap together. Later, we went to get ramen and he asked me to pay. I didn’t mind. We went back to his place and we listened to music while we waited to go to a party.

Fast forward to that night..we met up with some of his friends and they were so mean to him. They kept roasting him and picking on him and he was visibly getting upset. I stopped him for a bit so his friends could walk ahead of us. I reminded him that it was all fun and games and to ignore them.

Ended up at the party and lots of people knew him. I sat out in the patio with a few cool people that i had just met while i waited for my friend to come back from saying hello to everyone inside…he never did. I was outside in the patio with these strangers for about 3 hours. People kept coming up to me and asking if i was alright. Idk if i looked sad or if i just looked like a plain loner.

I went to find him and it was so packed. Didn’t see him so i walked back. I seen his roommate and asked him to please tell my friend that I was gonna go get a motel. He went to tell him, came back and said my friend was being a dick & he would walk me back to the house instead so i didn’t have to spend money on a hotel.

We got to the house and I thanked him for walking all the way back home. I really appreciated it as my friend was probz inside doing coke or fucking girls. I went to bed in my friends room and he woke me up in the middle of the night kissing me, trying to get his freak on. I simply said no. I’m not interested in having sex.

His exact words were, “Are you serious? What was the point of you coming here?? You’re such a waste of time!”

My feelings were really hurt. I went back to sleep, woke up and left.

Never wrote him after that. He had texted me a month later asking to borrow $50. I simply ignored the message and moved on.

I mean… what do you say after a story like that?

Good thing you got out of the crusty, mucus mess!

The post 13 People Who Met Their Online Friend and Regretted It appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Tour Guides Share the Worst Thing Someone Has Done Under Their Supervision

It never ceases to amaze me how many adults – all of whom I presume graduated kindergarten – still don’t know how to act right. Seriously, it’s not that hard to have basic decency in public, and yet there are SO MANY people who apparently struggle with it.

In this AskReddit article, people share the worst things they’ve seen while conducting outings for tourists.

Yeesh!

1. The tour is over!

“I used to work at a heritage site. It was an old military installation with a lot of remaining original structures (bunk beds, cafeteria equipment, computers etc.).

Everyday it was a constant effort to remind people (read: kids) NOT to jump on the beds, not to slam doors open, not to punch every button like it owes them money.

The absolute worst was a group of kids on a school trip. Within the first ten minutes we’re walking through the tech portion of the exhibit, where we had a wall lined with Burroughs large systems machines (B5000’s), all behind this little fence about waist-high. I turn to demonstrate some of the pieces, and when I look back at the group one of them had jumped over the barrier, opened one of the units and started pulling out handfuls of digital tape from the reels inside.

I just about jumped on the kid when their teacher did just that. She jumped the barrier, smacked the kid’s hands and took him outside. I immediately ended the tour and had them all refunded, as I couldn’t imagine what else could happen.”

2. Segway disaster

“Somewhat relevant, there’s a small hill on a pedestrian footpath outside my university. Once, I witnessed a segway tour attempt to use this path. The first segway slowed to a stop as it reached the top of this hill. The second segway sped up in an attempt to make it over, and crashed into the first segway. One by one, each segway crashed into the one in front of it, toppling over each other. The pathway now has a “no bikes or segways” sign.”

3. What an a**hole

“I was working on a tourist island in Australia when this man pulled out almost all the back feathers of a peacock because he wanted to keep one. He sneaked up behind it, and grabbed a huge handful and yanked them all out. He was immediately escorted off the island. The peacock had a huge bare patch and most of its beautiful feathers were gone 🙁

4. That’s nice

“Friend of mine does tours of whiskey museums in Dublin. Someone took a shit in one of the exhibition rooms.”

5. Don’t mess with Ted

“I worked at a living history farm museum. I had a kid that was climbing on stuff the whole tour in the farm house and trying to get behind the Smith in the blacksmith shop during a demo.

After the tour when people are allowed to roam the grounds, I hear his mom screaming and look over to the barn and this kid has climbed the fence into the field with our long horn oxen and is trying to poke them with a stick. I walk over and calmly told him to get out of the field before our lazy oxen decide they’ve had enough, but this jack off decides to look me in the eye and smack Ted on the ass with the stick like it’s a riding crop.

Ted, bless him, just kinda jumps a little and whips his head around with a WTF dude look on his face. But seeing as he’s a long horn, he just wipes this kid out with one of his horns when he turned his head. Kid goes flying into the dirt and is having a meltdown. Mom is freaking out. I’m like, dude, get the hell out of the pen before Ted actually gets mad.

So this kid is crying and trying to climb the fence out of the field and Bill, who has been watching this whole thing waits until the kid is almost over the fence and walks up to him and nudges him in the ass with his nose and pushes him off the top of the fence. It was everything I could do to keep from laughing.

Kid was fine, Ted was fine, but the kid and his mom were promptly kicked out of the museum. Their dad and little sister were allowed to stay because she was well behaved and was just enjoying petting the goats at the petting zoo. So since the kid had to leave but his sister didn’t there was a temper tantrum in the parking lot that could be heard all the way to the other side of the farm. But the oxen got some extra grain that night, so I guess they won in the end.”

6. Okay, this one takes the cake

“Led a scuba diving tour. While signing the safety waivers and all that one very old man kept telling us that he had a DNR (do not resuscitate). We plainly told him that we are not bound to a DNR and if he passed out for any reason we would attempt to resuscitate by our safety training.

Pretty much all the divers are assuming this guy is gonna kill himself down there (prob spit out the reg and go quietly into the night).

Dive happens, pretty much everyone is hawkeyed on this guy. I see him go behind a large coral head and lay down in the sand and spit out his reg. He is only at about 60 ft so I grab him and wrestle him to the surface. He will not take my back up regulator so I slam it against his mouth a purge air Into his face.

We get to the surface and he is fighting me non stop trying to pull all of his gear off. I throw a very hard punch to his jaw and knock him out ( actually trained to do this during dive rescues to keep the panicked person from killing you too).

3 weeks later and he tries to sue my dive shop and myself personally.”

7. Karma is real

“Was on a tour in New Orleans. Guy gets drunk and basically makes a fool of himself and slaps his partner. Everyone else on the tour is like ‘whoa not cool, take a hike’. Gf leaves with him. Next morning we’re all on the bus waiting to roll out to the next destination and we’re not moving.

30 minutes later we’re all getting pissed off, then the couple get on the bus looking sheepish. By the next stop we learn, the drunk guy ran a bath at the hotel, passed out and it flooded the bathroom, and four floors below into the hotel lobby. The hotel wouldn’t let them leave without paying thousands of dollars. Karma for him.”

8. And here we have…

“They took a big shit in front of the group. So, we tour through streets and parks and make it really clear that the toilets at the beginning of the tour are the only ones for the first 90 minutes of tour. We get to a park about 30 mins into the tour. Not a big park mind you, it is basically a big roundabout with a swing set, bench and two trees.

I’m in the middle of my spiel in the park when I see a guy at the back of the group, step away, pull his pants down and squat on the grass. Of course I was stunned and lost my flow which had everyone looking around only to recoil in horror as this guy drops a log like it was nothing. He wasn’t even ashamed.”

9. An extreme act of stupidity

“About 15 years ago, I worked as a deckhand on a line of boats that took people out to Fort Sumter. The trip was about an hour each way. One day, we were about halfway there and two teenagers decided it would be fun to jump off and try to swim to shore.

This is in Charleston harbor, which has a pretty solid tidal current, lots of boat traffic, and probably more sharks than one would like to think about.

We ended up having to perform a water rescue on them. Then continued on to the fort, with the Coast Guard coming and picking them up. All in all, an extreme act of stupidity.”

10. Got what you deserved

“Used to be a tourguide at a primate sanctuary with a strict ‘no touching policy’. At the end of the tour there’s a suspension bridge, tourists go first, guide goes last as per the rules.

I always warn the tourists that the other side is the territory of a Hanuman langur and he doesn’t fuck around, keep your distance etc. He doesn’t attack people out of nowhere, but he likes showing his teeth and screaming, which scares tourists.

Anyway, one tour I get to the other side of the bridge, and a tourist got bitten. He says a monkey just bit him out of nowhere. Asked the other tourists, no he tried to fucking pet the Hanuman. Dumbass got what he deserved.”

11. Might’ve been a goner

“On an open topped tour bus in London – woman tries to dangle her toddler over the railing, then starts saying she’s going to complain to my manager when I told her to stop. Caught her doing it again and company policy said that anyone endangering their kids like that was to be removed from the tour, so the driver had to come up and march her off.

She still insisted she did nothing wrong. Like, she literally had the kid’s feet on the side rail of the (moving) bus and was just holding him loosely round the waist. One low hanging tree branch, of which there were many on the route, and that kid was gone.”

12. People are dumb

“Worked at an aquarium, this dude arrived in the amazon exhibit room featuring the tank where every fish in it can hurt you and promptly started dangling his sister’s kid over the exhibit. I immediately stepped up to him and pushed the kid back from over it, firmly explaining that this wasn’t allowed and that I’d have to call security.

Thank god, the kid’s mother was on my side and started tearing into the man. It took her five minutes of “No, that was absolutely not appropriate,” for him to get the message that he’d seriously f*cked up.

Some people never do get the whole ‘pointy venomous fish bad, no dangling kids’ thing.”

13. Not funny

“Not a tour guide, but was doing an English language camp for foreign kids.

Took the kids on a day trip to London, which involved going up the London Eye. While in the queue, one of the kids started shouting that he had a bomb in his bag and he was going to blow everyone up. Almost got all 20 kids in the group kicked out.”

14. You’re outta here!

“I work at a brewery tap room and take people on brewery tours. During fermentation CO2 is produced and excess comes out through a run off pipe and into a water bucket. One of the attendees (who was being a pain and trying to be funny but nobody was laughing) asked me what the pipe was for, so I gladly explained.

He then asked what would happen if he breathed it in… in disbelief of his stupidity I told him he would pass out/damage his brain, he then proceeded to grab the pipe and take a breath. He was then ejected and barred. Some people are just beyond belief.”

15. Never again

“Took a class of middle schoolers to a museum and one of my asshole students dragged his hand across a 3,000 year old Indian painting. Later on I found out the object was almost certainly a reproduction but I nearly died of rage on the spot.

The student was with us on a 45 day placement for severe behavioral issues. He earned enough point in school to qualify for the field trip. Never again.”

The post 15 Tour Guides Share the Worst Thing Someone Has Done Under Their Supervision appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Trends People Followed as Kids That Make Them Cringe Today

Remember the days when you were young? What was the “cool” trend back then? For me, it was playing with POGS, listening to West Coast gangsta rap (RIP Tupac!) and wearing FUBU jeans.

AskReddit users bravely went on the record and shared the trends they got wrapped up in as youngsters that now make them cringe.

1. ’80s?

“In my day, we put as much gel in our hair as we could and angled it up like a ski slope. Hair was solid as a rock.”

2. Hahahaha

“Wearing skirts over jeans 🙁

3. Those were HUGE

“Big Johnson t-shirts…. damn I was a douche.”

4. This is amazing

“I grew up on a farm outside of a small town (population was just over 500) in the Midwest. The nearest hot topic was two hours away, but I wasn’t allowed to go in it anyways. Ever seen an emo kid on a horse sorting cattle? Wore knee high converses instead of my boots. And the eyeliner…oh god the eyeliner.”

5. They were EVERYWHERE

“The Ed Hardy T-shirts.”

6. Punk rock

“Studded belts. Studded belts everywhere.”

7. I remember…

“Late ’90s when everything had stripes on the side. Shirts, jeans… Yeah that and the ball chain necklace.”

8. She did you a favor

“For me, JNCOs. I wanted a chain wallet, but my mom wouldn’t let me have one. I now understand why.”

9. Preppy

“Nothing said suave like a popped collar on a Ralph Lauren polo shirt.”

10. The point?

“Early 2000’s when wearing two belts was a thing for a bit. Neither in the belt loops, totally nonfunctional.”

11. Glitter everywhere

“I used Bath & Body Works roll on glitter religiously (Cucumber Melon obviously). But I used so much of it that instead of having a little sparkle under my eyes, my skin was tinted green and caked with glitter.”

12. Your role model

“I used to wear those black button down shirts with fire at the bottom, like the kind Guy Fieri wears. I don’t know if it was an actual trend or not but it still makes me cringe.”

13. You had your time

“I mean really looking at it now. Crotch chopping and telling people to suck it was really my generation’s version of “The Dab.”

14. Breakin’

“Those nylon breakdancing pants with all the zippers. Those zippers hurt.”

15. Pure ’90s

“I bought into the classic ’90s trends that immediately come to mind. the butterfly clips, frosted lips and eyes, platform shoes… all very spice girls. i am having to relive it because my 12 year old is now into the same things. except instead of pulling back strands of hair with butterfly clips, she’s clipping them haphazardly throughout her entire mane. i cannot wait for the trend to die!”

The post 15 Trends People Followed as Kids That Make Them Cringe Today appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Hilarious Accounts of the Moment People Realized They Were Old

Aging is inevitable, folks. I still remember the first time I heard one of my joints creaking. Definitely freaked me out!

Time comes for all of us, and these 15 people’s experience make me feel the slightest bit better.

#1. I am not ‘adult’ like that.

When I realized that I have clear memories of moments I spent with my parents when they were younger than I am now. I remember how “adult” I perceived them and I don’t feel like I am “adult” like that at all.

#2. Coupons in the mail.

When I started to get excited about coupons I got in the mail..

#3. A new vacuum.

When I got really excited about buying a new vacuum. In my defense….that vacuum is fucking dope!

#4. “Old” Disney shows.

When the kid I was tutoring referred to Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, etc., as “old Disney shows”

#5. They stopped asking for ID.

When they stop asking for ID when you buy beer.

#6. 10 years younger.

When I realized, that athletes in the NFL are 10 years younger than me. Plus they are already making millions…

#7. Every morning after.

Every morning after drinking.

#8. I’m a ma’am now.

That first time that first teenager called me “Ma’am” respectfully.

I’m a Ma’am now. I’m not a Miss anymore. sighs

#9. The tables have turned.

You know how you might see an older person and not remember them and they say, “you don’t remember me? I remember you when you were this small”?

Well I realized I was old when the tables turned and I ended up being the older one remembering this now grown up as a kid.

#10. I could not stop laughing.

i found out about a rapper named lil windex and i could not stop laughing

#11. I don’t mind.

I can’t name any actor on a recent show and I don’t know who most people are on TV or in music. I’m old,out of the loop but I don’t mind. The loop isn’t relevant to my interests anymore.

#12. Not 10 years ago.

1990 is NOT 10 years ago anymore.

#13. Grunting.

Grunting when picking up something. And the music is “just not as cool as before”.

#14. I just coughed.

Fucked around and coughed while on the toilet, somehow hurt my back and sprained my knee

#15. Classic rock.

when i heard Metallica on the classic rock station, also coming to the realization i have tattoos older than some of my co-workers

Getting old may be hell, but it does certainly beat the alternative!

The post 15 Hilarious Accounts of the Moment People Realized They Were Old appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Share the One Thing They Can’t Unsee

Have you ever stumbled upon something or witnessed an incident that you really weren’t meant to see – and that you wish you hadn’t?

We all have some of those moments, through no fault of our own.

In this AskReddit article, people share stories about seeing things that they definitely shouldn’t have.

1. Cringey

“Just 2 days ago, at a community pool, a teenage couple who entered into the pool area went into the hot tub. Stood up to stretch my legs and looked over to, well, sex in the hot tub. It was mid day!! I cringed pretty hard… but I laughed even harder when the neighborhood cop showed up.”

2. Almost in the buff

“I once arrived early to pick up a girl for a first date. She was renting a small garden apartment behind a bigger house. It was just after dusk and I walked around the corner. The sliding door was standing open and she was inside walking around, brushing her hair, wearing only her underwear.

She did not see me, so I just walked back around that corner and waited another 10 minutes. When I walked round again she had a dress on. I never told her.

edit: Since a few asked. The date went well. I only got to see her underwear again several weeks later.”

3. Dear Diary…

“When I was about 16, I was snooping in my parent’s wardrobe. Found a diary written by my mother when she was 14 (from the year 1970). Read some beautiful and brilliantly written entries about meeting and dating my dad (who was 16 at the time).

Had to read a little between the lines in some slightly later entries as they were written with such flowery language. In one such entry, all of a sudden she discloses that she’s had an abortion. Performed by my grandfather. An anesthesiologist. She never told anyone.”

4. Oh boy

“I found a suitcase full of dildos under my moms bed when I was 8.”

5. Sad

“My dad’s AA chips. Learned it’s why my parents got divorced. Proud of him for being in recovery though.”

6. Don’t make a sound

“Me and a friend snuck away from a house party at 2am once, we wanted to go to this local abbey. We were exploring the grounds and generally having a nice time when we see two cars stop nearby.

Instinctively we hid in some bushes and witnessed what was clearly a large drug trade.

We definitely were not supposed to see that. We waited for them to finish their business and then we headed back to the party.”

7. My eyes!

“Saw my parents having sex. Scarred me for a good 4 years and I forgot about it until you decided to make me relive the pain.”

8. She knows…

“Found out a relative who everyone believes to be filthy rich and always throws extravagant parties, put his kids in expensive private schools, his wife shopping and eating fine dining, is broke and close to declaring bankruptcy. He’s in deep debt and that he hasn’t paid his bills in months and from what I could see, he owes a loan shark too.

Now, every time I see him post an invite to my mom, I cringe at the thought of him owing more money.

My mom knows, but I never told her, she just knows.”

9. Well, that’s ruined

“David Copperfield show: I was at an angle that allowed me to see the volunteers running out from the stage during a disappearing act.”

10. Nudes

“My mom gave me an old laptop of hers when I was about 13 and I was scrolling through random pics she had left on it of my little brothers football games and then boom, nudes of my mother.”

11. Addicted

“Back in 1997, I started work at a new job and took over the office of a salesman who had recently been fired. I was in IT, using the same computer that had been setup for Sales. My first task was to install all the software I’d need.

The computer hard drive was almost full, so I poked around and found a TON of folders filled with porn. Went to my supervisor, and he said to delete it, warning me that the salesman had been fired for downloading porn.

Over the next few weeks, I kept finding secret porn folders on the the company’s network. Not only had he downloaded enough porn to max out his computer’s HD, he had the network at about 90% capacity.

When I was done deleting all the folders I could find, the server capacity was less than 50%. Dude was seriously addicted to porn.”

12. Cooking the books

“Leaving work late one evening, I saw the HR director and CFO in a dark office shredding papers (no, that’s not an euphemism). I didn’t say anything but quietly walked on down the hall. Two weeks later we were raided by the SEC and several people were charged with cooking the books.”

13. Better call the cops

“Worked for a downtown metropolitan hotel for a long time, and I’ve seen a lot I wasn’t supposed to see. Probably the worst was a kid with an old man.

Checked this guy in at like 1 in the morning (not uncommon because people travel t different times) but he was alone. Like an hour later he asked for something like a towel or blanket. Anyways, dispatched our runner to deliver it. After the runner comes to me and says he thinks something is wrong because he caught a glimpse of someone and the old guy was trying hard to block the entrance.

Being that we were supposed to take stuff like human trafficking seriously, I asked our maintenance to cut his power so we would get a call to come up to try and fix the problem. He does and I go up with him to apologize for the inconvenience because the guy was also a tor tier member. Sure enough we hear a kid in the bathroom hiding.

Tried to ask who the kid was and the old guy tried everything to shut us down from throwing his status around to bribing. Called the cops and let them deal with it.

EDIT: didn’t expect this to gain so much traction. Here’s are some additional info for people that have been asking: I don’t recall the specific charge (or if I was even told so, use your imagination), I don’t know the age of the child (I only saw him briefly one time when the cops showed up), I don’t know the age of the guy, this was in Southern California (as specific as I’d like to be).”

14. The poor pillow

“Back when I was a teenager, we hosted a New Zealander at our house for a couple weeks. Guy gets to our place after the flight, and about 10 minutes later I’m walking around my house to see where he’s at.

The door to his room is partially open, and the dude is laying face down on the bed and HUMPING THE EVERLOVING F*CK out of a pillow. I backed away slowly like Homer when he saw Apu cheating on his wife.

I felt bad for the pillow.”

15. Put it down

“Years ago a colleague had an old smartphone that he brought in to give to another coworker as theirs broke. The phone was sitting on the new owners desk but she hadn’t yet tried it out, as it was still charging after months of not being used.

We were talking about how cool it was with the coworker (smartphones were not widespread yet), and I picked it up to see how it felt in my hand. I pressed a button and the first thing that I saw was a Google search for “lump on anus”. I quickly put the phone back down.

This must have been the last thing he searched for when he last used it a long time ago, and forgot about it…”

The post 15 People Share the One Thing They Can’t Unsee appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Share the One Thing They Can’t Unsee

Have you ever stumbled upon something or witnessed an incident that you really weren’t meant to see – and that you wish you hadn’t?

We all have some of those moments, through no fault of our own.

In this AskReddit article, people share stories about seeing things that they definitely shouldn’t have.

1. Cringey

“Just 2 days ago, at a community pool, a teenage couple who entered into the pool area went into the hot tub. Stood up to stretch my legs and looked over to, well, sex in the hot tub. It was mid day!! I cringed pretty hard… but I laughed even harder when the neighborhood cop showed up.”

2. Almost in the buff

“I once arrived early to pick up a girl for a first date. She was renting a small garden apartment behind a bigger house. It was just after dusk and I walked around the corner. The sliding door was standing open and she was inside walking around, brushing her hair, wearing only her underwear.

She did not see me, so I just walked back around that corner and waited another 10 minutes. When I walked round again she had a dress on. I never told her.

edit: Since a few asked. The date went well. I only got to see her underwear again several weeks later.”

3. Dear Diary…

“When I was about 16, I was snooping in my parent’s wardrobe. Found a diary written by my mother when she was 14 (from the year 1970). Read some beautiful and brilliantly written entries about meeting and dating my dad (who was 16 at the time).

Had to read a little between the lines in some slightly later entries as they were written with such flowery language. In one such entry, all of a sudden she discloses that she’s had an abortion. Performed by my grandfather. An anesthesiologist. She never told anyone.”

4. Oh boy

“I found a suitcase full of dildos under my moms bed when I was 8.”

5. Sad

“My dad’s AA chips. Learned it’s why my parents got divorced. Proud of him for being in recovery though.”

6. Don’t make a sound

“Me and a friend snuck away from a house party at 2am once, we wanted to go to this local abbey. We were exploring the grounds and generally having a nice time when we see two cars stop nearby.

Instinctively we hid in some bushes and witnessed what was clearly a large drug trade.

We definitely were not supposed to see that. We waited for them to finish their business and then we headed back to the party.”

7. My eyes!

“Saw my parents having sex. Scarred me for a good 4 years and I forgot about it until you decided to make me relive the pain.”

8. She knows…

“Found out a relative who everyone believes to be filthy rich and always throws extravagant parties, put his kids in expensive private schools, his wife shopping and eating fine dining, is broke and close to declaring bankruptcy. He’s in deep debt and that he hasn’t paid his bills in months and from what I could see, he owes a loan shark too.

Now, every time I see him post an invite to my mom, I cringe at the thought of him owing more money.

My mom knows, but I never told her, she just knows.”

9. Well, that’s ruined

“David Copperfield show: I was at an angle that allowed me to see the volunteers running out from the stage during a disappearing act.”

10. Nudes

“My mom gave me an old laptop of hers when I was about 13 and I was scrolling through random pics she had left on it of my little brothers football games and then boom, nudes of my mother.”

11. Addicted

“Back in 1997, I started work at a new job and took over the office of a salesman who had recently been fired. I was in IT, using the same computer that had been setup for Sales. My first task was to install all the software I’d need.

The computer hard drive was almost full, so I poked around and found a TON of folders filled with porn. Went to my supervisor, and he said to delete it, warning me that the salesman had been fired for downloading porn.

Over the next few weeks, I kept finding secret porn folders on the the company’s network. Not only had he downloaded enough porn to max out his computer’s HD, he had the network at about 90% capacity.

When I was done deleting all the folders I could find, the server capacity was less than 50%. Dude was seriously addicted to porn.”

12. Cooking the books

“Leaving work late one evening, I saw the HR director and CFO in a dark office shredding papers (no, that’s not an euphemism). I didn’t say anything but quietly walked on down the hall. Two weeks later we were raided by the SEC and several people were charged with cooking the books.”

13. Better call the cops

“Worked for a downtown metropolitan hotel for a long time, and I’ve seen a lot I wasn’t supposed to see. Probably the worst was a kid with an old man.

Checked this guy in at like 1 in the morning (not uncommon because people travel t different times) but he was alone. Like an hour later he asked for something like a towel or blanket. Anyways, dispatched our runner to deliver it. After the runner comes to me and says he thinks something is wrong because he caught a glimpse of someone and the old guy was trying hard to block the entrance.

Being that we were supposed to take stuff like human trafficking seriously, I asked our maintenance to cut his power so we would get a call to come up to try and fix the problem. He does and I go up with him to apologize for the inconvenience because the guy was also a tor tier member. Sure enough we hear a kid in the bathroom hiding.

Tried to ask who the kid was and the old guy tried everything to shut us down from throwing his status around to bribing. Called the cops and let them deal with it.

EDIT: didn’t expect this to gain so much traction. Here’s are some additional info for people that have been asking: I don’t recall the specific charge (or if I was even told so, use your imagination), I don’t know the age of the child (I only saw him briefly one time when the cops showed up), I don’t know the age of the guy, this was in Southern California (as specific as I’d like to be).”

14. The poor pillow

“Back when I was a teenager, we hosted a New Zealander at our house for a couple weeks. Guy gets to our place after the flight, and about 10 minutes later I’m walking around my house to see where he’s at.

The door to his room is partially open, and the dude is laying face down on the bed and HUMPING THE EVERLOVING F*CK out of a pillow. I backed away slowly like Homer when he saw Apu cheating on his wife.

I felt bad for the pillow.”

15. Put it down

“Years ago a colleague had an old smartphone that he brought in to give to another coworker as theirs broke. The phone was sitting on the new owners desk but she hadn’t yet tried it out, as it was still charging after months of not being used.

We were talking about how cool it was with the coworker (smartphones were not widespread yet), and I picked it up to see how it felt in my hand. I pressed a button and the first thing that I saw was a Google search for “lump on anus”. I quickly put the phone back down.

This must have been the last thing he searched for when he last used it a long time ago, and forgot about it…”

The post 15 People Share the One Thing They Can’t Unsee appeared first on UberFacts.

20+ Times Things Got Really, Really Weird With Complete Strangers

Meeting new people is an inevitable part of life, and for some folks it can be cringey AF because they’re just so damn awkward and they make every situation they’re in that way.

Yeah, don’t blame the strangers. Blame your own damn self!

Let’s get real, ya’ll!

1. SLAP! Oh shiiiiiii…

I played this game with some buddies in college where we would slap each other’s necks really hard.

I saw my friend studying at the library, went from behind him and slapped him really hard.

It turned out to be some total stranger and not my friend! I almost went #2 in my pants and so did the other guy.

2. Walmart is always weird…

An old man behind me in a Walmart checkout called out a common nickname of mine. I turned to face him and didn’t immediately recognize him. He was gushing with tears in his eyes about how much he loved me and how he couldn’t wait to go home with me.

I asked him if it was possible he had me confused with a different person. The guy’s tears started falling, and he began choking apologies through sobs. Apparently, I was a dead ringer for his long-dead wife.

Combine that and the dementia setting in and presto, Walmart meltdown.

3. Beardfinger!

I did something awkward at work.

There was a guy who came in with his kids and had a big bushy beard. He came up to the cash register and asked me where to find an item. I was a little overenthusiastic I suppose because I stuck my fingers out straight ahead to point him in the right direction and they went straight into his beard!

I felt like I had assaulted him, but luckily we laughed it off.

4. Too many feelings…

One time, I was in a sporting goods store at the mall. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shirt with a really cool design and fabric.

I started feeling the fabric to see how warm it would be, when all of a sudden I heard, “Dude. What’re you doing.” I looked up and it wasn’t a mannequin. It was a man.

My eyes grew wide and I fled. Left the mall even.

5. Wait… what?!? DAD!!!

Once, when I was about 10, I got in the passenger side of what I thought was my dad’s car.

I was waiting for a few minutes and then the real owner of the car came. At first, I was terrified that he was going to kidnap me and steal the car, so I started scrambling for the door handle. Then he started yelling at me for being in his car. That’s when I realized I was in the wrong car and booked it back to the store, where my dad was waiting and laughing hysterically.

He saw me get in the wrong car and just waited to watch it play out.

6. The vomit comet

When I was about 13, I went on a school trip which included a boat ride.

It was a windy day and the sea was rough, so like most of my friends, I got extremely seasick. The toilets were full of puking school kids so when it was my turn to churn I found a space along the rail and let loose.

I aimed down at the sea but the wind whipped my vomit about 20 feet over to a middle-aged man who was enjoying the sea air. As I watched in horror, he registered that he was being spattered with something, but it was only when my second wave hit that our eyes met and I saw his face change from confusion to horror.

I had no words, just more vomit, so he hurried off, presumably to clean himself. Thankfully, I didn’t see him again; but I’m sure I ruined his day.

7. Yeah, race isn’t a good conversation starter…

I worked security at an aquatic theme park and was watching Jeopardy in the employee entrance. One of the veterinarians came through and watched it with me for a bit. He said he watched it religiously and was hoping to get selected as a contestant. He’d heard that they like to have a diverse group of contestants, and they hadn’t had a black guy for a while, so he liked his chances.

A few days later, there were two black contestants on the show, so when I saw him the next time, I asked:

“Hey, did you catch Jeopardy last week?”

“No, why?” he responded.

“There were two black guys on it,” I explained.

He just stared at me blankly for a few seconds, then walked off. That’s when I realized I was talking to a completely different gentleman.

8. Abort hug! ABORT!

I went to a new doctor years ago because the medicine I was taking to help quit an addiction of mine was making me very sick.

After meeting with her and having a great conversation about how she also struggled with the same addiction for years, our appointment came to an end.

As I was leaving the room and opened the door, I turned around to thank her for the encouraging words. Her arm was raised up in a “gimme a hug, not a handshake” position. I thought, okay sure, and went in for the hug.

As soon as I did, I heard her say, “Oh, okay?” in a puzzled tone and immediately realized she was reaching for the door behind me, not asking for a hug.

I aborted the hug which made me look more awkward and raced out of the doctor’s office as fast as I could.

9. TBH… this is fucking hilarious!

My dad loves buying clothes for me but he’s bad at guessing my size.

He’ll find a complete stranger that he thinks looks like me and have them try the stuff on. Then he’ll take their picture and send it to me.

It’s super weird and I can’t get him to realize how creepy it is.

My favorite pics he’s sent is a five-year-old wearing a hat (we had the same hair color) and a scared looking older woman wearing a coat (we were the same height).

10. Stealing a fist bump…

I thought some random guy was trying to give me a fist bump while walking down the street.

It turned out, he just was trying to scratch his nose. I just got an awkward high five and fist bump thing.

I avoided all eye contact after that and slowly shuffled back to my grandmother.

11. Hey, a compliment is a compliment!

I got on an elevator with a woman and she had on these really nice boots on, so I complimented them by saying, “Nice boots.”

She cupped her breasts and said, “Well, you’re not shy; thank you, they’re real.” Then I immediately realized I said she thought I said, “Nice boobs.”

Longest elevator ride ever.

To this day, whenever I say boots in any context, I do so with a very hard deliberate “T.”

12. Oh you want some of this…?

I took an Uber once where the driver obviously stopped at McDonald’s on his way to get me and had the bag on the passenger seat.

He kept munching on fries and my desire for them grew so much that I asked him if I could have some. I wish this was a love story and I wish I could tell you we shared his fries and are still great friends to this day, but I cannot.

He gave me a firm no and kept on driving.

13. What a jerk off…

Had to use a public restroom and the guy in the stall next to me forgot to lower the volume (or put his headphones in) and I heard the jingle from a very specific company that makes animated adult entertainment.

The person quickly made sure the video was no longer audible for me but it was too late, I knew what he was going to do. I don’t think he knew that I knew what he was watching, but to have to sit there waiting for my body to clean itself out while knowing that he was watching animated adult videos in the stall next to me made me nervous as all hell.

14. Ya best leave them alone…

I was at a bar bathroom in a stall doing illicit drugs with a friend and he started talking about the two hot chicks at the bar.

All of a sudden, we heard a guy say, “Are you talking about the two girls at the bar?” My friend said, “Yeah, they’re hot.” He responded, ‘Well, one’s my sister and the other’s, my girlfriend.”

We tiptoed out of there as he was finishing his business in his stall.

15. Speechless…

One time, I was driving around town with my friend when I noticed I was being followed by an older car. I made several left turns that eventually made us go in a big circle, to which he followed. At this point, I was getting nervous, so I pulled into a convenience store and turned around. He did the same exact thing.

After this, I decided I’d pull into the closest business and go inside. I pulled into a shop where I knew the owner and walked in with my friend. The stranger followed us in, looked around a bit and said, “My soul is saved… Is yours?”

At that point, my friend, the owner and I were all speechless. The stranger then stared at us, calmly walked back to his car and drove away. I’ve never been so confused in my life.

16. Sores

I worked at a hotel front desk. An old, maybe 75-year-old lady called the front desk and wanted a pillow delivered to her room. When I got there with the pillow, she wanted me to come inside. I’m like “Uh no, here is your pillow,” but she insisted, so I did.

I got inside and she shut the door. She told me to put the pillow on the bed, then went to a drawer in her dresser. At this time I was like, “I need to return to the front desk,” thinking the worst.

She proceeded to pull out a box of bandaids and wanted me to put them on the open sores on her feet.

I noped out of there as fast as I could and left before she came down for morning breakfast.

17. Behind you…

I was standing behind this guy waiting for the elevator in a hotel. We were down in the lobby and it was busy with lots of people coming and going, so he obviously hadn’t noticed me. Once the elevator doors opened, he got in, but he still didn’t see me walk past him on the other side. As SOON as the doors closed, while obviously still under the impression that he was alone, he let out this heinous flatulence that went on for about ten seconds.

Midway through, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted me standing just behind him. The poor guy almost jumped out of his skin. He was staring at me as if he’d just seen a ghost. I was staring at him with what I can only assume was a fairly horrified expression.

18. Toe virgin

The first time I went to get a pedicure, I went with my mother-in-law. She’s a very loud woman who often doesn’t understand what she’s saying.

She kept screaming at the pedicurist, “BE GENTLE WITH HER, SHE’S A TOE VIRGIN. SHE’S A TOE VIRGIN. DON’T POUND HER.”

God help me, I will never go back.

19. Oh hai!

I hooked up with a guy in college and fell asleep in his dorm room.

I woke up in the middle of the night needing to go #1 so badly but I was unable to find any of my clothes right away. I ended up spending so long trying to find them in the dark that by the time I had enough to wear out in the hall, I didn’t think I’d make it.

He was still sleeping, so I grabbed a big reusable water bottle and squatted over it. It was blissful relief until I looked over and saw his roommate staring at me in horror.

20. 7/11 moves…

I tried to make some moves on a girl when I was in high school.

We were in a 7/11 near the back, and because of the late hour, I figured we were alone. When she turned me down and left, I decided to drown my sorrows with a bag of Sour Patch Kids and physically ran into the older, bearded man who had been buying nuts.

He gave me a sympathetic look and opened his mouth as if to say something, and I panicked. I said, “See you tomorrow!” and left the store.

21. Yeah, and….

The first time I hung out with a girl I knew from a bar, I paid for dinner because she had comped me so many cocktails before.

She took that as a sign that I wanted to hook up with her and I got really uncomfortable.

I ended up apologizing for buying dinner.

22. Donut judge me!

I was at the grocery store with my wife and when we were passing the donut section I said, “I’m going to humiliate those donuts.”

I knew it was something that would make her laugh.

When I said it, I turned around and saw that there was a woman in line who was not my wife.

She didn’t laugh.

23. Well, this worked out tho…

When I was in college, I was waiting for a shuttle bus and a girl I had previously been in a class with walked up to the stop with a guy I didn’t know.

I said to her, “Hi, how are you,” and we had a short exchange of pleasantries. Then she turned to the guy next to her and in sign language said: “I don’t remember her name.”

So I sign, “That’s okay, I don’t remember your name either.” I then offered my hand to the guy with her and introduced myself.

Hey, nice boots! 🤣🤣🤣

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