If Kids Aren’t Your Thing, These Memes Are For You

Are you the type of person who does NOT want to have kids? Hey! Me too!!

We hate the idea that our independence will be threatened by bedtimes, diaper changes, responsibilities, crying, and snot leakage.

Yeah… completely understandable reasons, fam!

If you’re one of those people, these memes pretty much sum up your outlook on life and kids, so let’s go!

1. Seriously the worst!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

2. This won’t end well…

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

3. Stop looking at me!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

4. Too late… already do this…

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

5. The right response…

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

6. Get away from me, you devil child!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

7. Wut sup!?

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

8. Get it away!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

9. Move away from the child…

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

10. OMG… YES!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

11. Yes? No? Hmmm, better take all of the birth control then!

Photo Credit: Pizzabottle

So, you’re going out to the store right now to gets some condoms, right? Because there’s NO way you want to have a little you running around. That would be horrible.

What do you think? One of these speak to you in a special way?

Let us know in the comments!

The post If Kids Aren’t Your Thing, These Memes Are For You appeared first on UberFacts.

A Kid Got a Magnifying Glass for Christmas…and Promptly Set His Lawn on Fire

One minute you think you got your child a cool Christmas gift, and the next, the whole neighborhood is about to go up in flames.

That’s exactly what happened: a 12-year-old boy in Texas got a magnifying glass for Christmas – and then accidentally set his family’s lawn on fire. I can tell you, as a former 12-year-old boy, that about 99.99% of kids that age are going to use magnifying glasses to start some kind of fire (hopefully of the small variety that won’t spiral out of control.

The boy’s mother explained on Facebook,

“Christmas Day was memorable to say the least!🔥My twelve year old son Cayden, who is an avid reader, an honor student, and interested in science, asked for a magnifying glass for Christmas. (It’s like a basketball player asking for basketball shoes.) We thought it was for reading, but instead he tried to see if he could light a fire with it! We discovered that he and his two brothers went out on the driveway to see if they could burn a couple holes in some newspaper.

Everything was under control until the boys came running into the house telling us that a corner of the lawn was on fire and the Christmas lights were melting! Justin and I rushed outside to see the entire front lawn turning black! We grabbed buckets, turned on the hose and sprinklers, and I grabbed blankets to smother and trap it – before it could spread any more into the neighbors yard! What a sight to see – a bunch of people running around crazy trying to put a front lawn fire out while wearing matching Christmas jammies!

I want to reiterate this was an accident. It could have been worse but it wasn’t. So instead of a tragedy it will now be a Christmas to remember! 2019- The Christmas the lawn lit on fire. 🎄🔥🎄

Oh and never buy a magnifying glass for your son!”

Christmas Day was memorable to say the least!🔥My twelve year old son Cayden, who is an avid reader, an honor student,…

Posted by Nissa-Lynn Parson on Thursday, December 26, 2019

People on social media thought the whole incident was pretty darn hilarious.

Well, we’re glad no one was hurt and that they were able to get the blaze started by Cayden under control.

Note to self: don’t buy any young kids a magnifying glass anytime soon…

The post A Kid Got a Magnifying Glass for Christmas…and Promptly Set His Lawn on Fire appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Dark Secrets in Their Families

There are some crazy families out there, and then there are THESE families.

When people ask questions on AskReddit, you know you’re going to get some juicy tidbits, but I don’t think you’re prepared for exactly how juicy it’s gonna get!

Ready? Set? Share!

1. An On-Purpose Accident

“My uncle was pissed at my dad once, and decided to poke holes in all of his condoms. He was dating my mother at the time, and that is how I came about. I wasn’t supposed to know, but my uncle told me once when he was drunk. I am thankful he did it, but that was a pretty douche move.”

2. “Not table conversation”

“We had a family Christmas dinner a few years ago where my aunt and uncles from both sides were staying over at our house. There were probably 10 or 11 of us at the dinner table, and everyone is getting along well like we always do. My cousin, around 14 or 15 at the time, brings up something about how he laid a massive poop earlier that day. The kids laugh and the adults were like ‘that’s not table conversation.’ Then I jump in and say ‘haha yea, there’s things we don’t talk at the dinner table, like politics and illegitimate children.’ Every adult at the table drops their eyes to their plate and goes silent. I’m sitting there like uhhhh, what in the Woody Allen movie is so awkward about all this .

What I didn’t know is that my uncle had an illegitimate child many years ago and thats always been a point of contention between my aunt and him. They also had been arguing about that earlier in the day, and all the adults knew it. Hahah man, that was jokes. But seriously though, never make jokes about illegitimate children unless you are absolutely sure no one has one.”

3. Family Tree

“I recently learned that my mother is the child of an affair. And that my grandfather was illegitimate royal blood from Russia.”

4. “Pet name”

“My family is mostly Portuguese. It used to be completely so, but my paternal grandfather married a French woman. All my life my grandfather called her something in Portuguese that I couldn’t understand. Last year at Thanksgiving I found out it meant ‘The French Whore.’ My grandfather’s parents hated her and called her that. My grandfather decided to own it and made it a pet name.”

5. Piano

“I found out that my mom had an affair with my piano teacher. Not sure that my dad even knows…”

6. “Haunted her till the day she died”

“I am named after my great aunt. I was told by my mother and my grandmother that she died a few years before I was born in a terrible motorcycle accident. I was also told never to bring up my great aunt’s name around my great grandmother as the loss of her daughter still troubled her. Understandable. Nothing was ever mentioned or said and I grew up understanding only the barest of details about her and her passing. A little odd to not know much about the person I was named after, but, whatever.

When I was 24, my great grandmother passed away. At the meal after her wake, my great uncle gets drunk and starts letting all the family secrets fly out.

In passing, he mentioned my great aunt’s suicide and everyone at the table solemnly nodded their heads, except for me. ‘What suicide?’ I asked, ‘Gran told me she died in a motorcycle accident.’

‘Yeah, that was the cover story,’ he replied, ‘Your great grandmother was too embarrassed to tell anyone what really happened and she had to explain the closed-casket at her daughter’s funeral.’

I came to find out my great aunt was a lesbian and in love with a woman from her university. The other woman felt the same way and they hatched plans to figure out a way to be together without their parents knowing. When my great grandmother discovered their plans, she went mental and sent my great aunt half way across the country to separate the two. Little did she know that both women had made a suicide pact that if this were to happen, they would shoot themselves in the head, which they did. My great grandmother, in her homophobia, caused two young women, in love, to kill themselves.Apparently she never forgave herself for what she did and it haunted her till the day she died.

After I found out the truth, I was first incredulous that my entire family had lied to me about the origin of my name, and second, I was deeply disturbed that to ease my great grandmother’s guilt and shame everyone accepted the lie.

Since then, I tell as many people the truth as are willing to listen so that my great aunt’s memory is served. Which is why I am posting this here. Every year since I found out, I have attended Pride. I donate to LGBT charities. I volunteer for LGBT organizations. All in her memory. If certain resources and volunteer organizations existed then as they do now, I might have a totally awesome, motorcycle-riding, great aunt to hang out with.”

7. Cross-Country Move

“The only reason my family is in California instead of New York is because my dad’s father wanted to follow his mistress (which nobody knew about until he died) to California, so he uprooted his entire family and made them move over here.”

8. Hungarian is a weird language

“All this time my family thought that my weird Hungarian last name meant ‘boat builder.’

Well, recently we were enlightened to learn that the closest meaning is actually ‘man who goes around the village at night and picks up the poop buckets from doorsteps.’

9. “Dad doesn’t know”

“My dad doesn’t know that I know that I have two younger brothers and a sister.

I’m also trying to look for them.”

10. Mental Institution

“My grandfather had a younger brother who was mentally disabled.

He pretty much took care of this brother completely until he was about 18, when he left for college. He came back and the brother had been put in a mental institution for months/years. No one had told my grandfather.

My mother only recently found out about him.”

11. Passing

“My dad recently told me a family story of one of his older, distant relatives; we’ll call her Jill. This all happened some 70 years ago, a good 20 years before my father was born. It’s a bit unclear what actually happened, but I’ll try my best to piece it together.

Jill was a ‘plain’ looking girl who was raised on a small, country farm. Being a bit of a quiet tomboy, she didn’t go to school, but took care of the farm’s horses instead.

One day in her teenage years, Jill was in the stables when something spooked one of the horses. It reared up and kicked Jill in the face. Since there was very limited medical surgery, she ended up somewhat disfigured and scarred. She withdrew from much of society and lived solely on the farm as a hermit.

Years of isolation pass and one day, Jill vanishes.

Perhaps her immediate family knew, but no extended family were ever told what happened. That is it, until they were notified of her death four years later. You see it turns out, Jill had run away and enlisted in the army. She had fought overseas in WWII, and had been killed.

Now that might not seem like much of a story, but keep in mind that only men fought in WWII. Jill had somehow managed to pose as a man for four years in the army without being detected, and it was her death that gave her away.

Considering the rest of my family history isn’t very exciting, I think it’s a pretty cool story.”

12. “And they all came to visit”

“So my grandfather is roughly 80 and has five kids (one of which is my father) all ranging from ages 40-50. Well about three years ago, he had a knock on the door, and it turns out that he had a family before he met my grandmother in Iowa and never told anyone.

He had married his first wife in California when he was sent out there in the Navy, and had two or three kids with her. He went and got himself deployed, and she apparently left with the kids while he was gone. Being the mid 1900s, he never found them, so he went on a cross country trip to New York for some reason. Luckily for me, he met my grandmother and had five kids, never telling anyone about his former life. From what we understood he graduated school, went into the Navy after working on some farm for a couple years, and tried to go to New York before getting snagged by my grandma in Iowa.

Well while he was doing this, apparently wife #1 was moving around the country as well, and every couple years, put those kids in adoption, busted them out of adoption, had three more kids from three different dads, but kept my grandpas same last name. So one of the original first kids went on a mission to find my grandpa, found him, and they all came to visit.”

13. Film Hobby

An ex of mine was telling me that her father made films as a hobby of sorts and he actually had some success on the indie horror cult classic scene.

So one day I was bored and decided to Google his name and found a bunch of his films. In most of them, the main character was my ex’s mother and she had at least one full frontal nudity scene in each.

She was pretty attractive and I’m open-minded about nudity anyways, but I have to say I felt a little weird when I watched one of the sex scenes between the mother and the father.

I couldn’t look her in the eyes after that point.

14. “It was looked down upon”

“This happened in May of this year. I have a sister who is four years older than me and a half-brother who is 14 years older than me (from a different father).

My aunt, my mom’s sister, sent out an email to the entire family that vented about 60 years of hatred toward my mother. Right at the end of the email, my aunt clearly indicated that my mom had another kid that no one knew about and had given the kid up for adoption. Huge news to my family who knew nothing about this.

I asked my mom about this and found out that the father of the kid was my brother’s dad, but my mom and him weren’t married when this happened 45~ years ago, so it was looked down upon by others. My mom eventually married my brother’s father and had him, but that was a few years later. After they got a divorce, she got married to my dad about 8 years later.”

15. “Horse people”

“I found out that one of my ancestors was exiled from Russia for challenging an army officer to a duel (with swords) and winning. My ancestor worked in the czar’s stable, and the argument arose when the army officer insisted on riding my ancestor’s horse. The horse threw him off and the army officer shot it.

We’ve always been horse people.”

Oh my… that last one… what would you think if you saw somebody nude and they didn’t know you saw them? I’m guessing that the woman wouldn’t care AT ALL because she made her living doing it.

But we want to know what you think? Let us know in the comments, fam!

The post People Share the Dark Secrets in Their Families appeared first on UberFacts.

Enjoy These Funny Editorial Mistakes From the Last Decade

Well, these are…unfortunate.

Hey, writers make mistakes. But if they have any values, they admit their errors, apologize, correct them, and move on. Here are some of the funniest and most interesting editorial mistakes and fails from the 2010s…

Let’s see what went down.

1. That is lengthy.

2. Oops…

3. That’s a big difference.

4. Wouldn’t want that to happen.

5. Thank you for that!

6. How’d that one get by the editor?

7. Don’t say that to Kansas Citians.

8. WOW.

9. Hahahahaha. Sad!

10. Well, isn’t that interesting…

11. Good move on his part.

12. Not “eaten to death.”

13. A pretty big difference.

14. Briney Spear.

15. How many of you have made this mistake?

Big fails!

But, like I said: admit it, fix it, apologize, move on.

Unlike some folks in government and media, these people all admitted their mistakes. Imagine that!?!?

The post Enjoy These Funny Editorial Mistakes From the Last Decade appeared first on UberFacts.

These People Are Having a Much Worse Day Than You

Do me a favor, okay? Keep these people in your thoughts and prayers.

Why, you ask? Because they’re having bad days. Really bad days, actually.

Take a look at these posts and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about…

1. That’s really considerate.

This is the one thing I am most worried about before getting on a plane from mildlyinfuriating

2. Money down the drain…

WCGW if you open your envelope out of excitement. from Whatcouldgowrong

3. That is awful.

My new Roomba ran over my dog’s shit and proceeded to “clean” the rest of my house. I’m going to need therapy.Go follow my movie Instagram: @rylanfilms I follow back!!

Posted by Ryan Landy on Sunday, July 14, 2019

4. Massive explosion.

Bad day at the home depot…

5. Ugh! Get the mouthwash!

Fighting an ant infestation in my kitchen the last couple days. Didn’t think to check my cereal box. Realized the small brown things are ants 6-8 bites in. from Wellthatsucks

6. Now it’s there forever.

If you park your car in a non-parking zone at the supermarket from Whatcouldgowrong

7. Surprise!

Shouldn’t have used her coffee creamer I guess from Wellthatsucks

8. Looks like a creature from another planet.

Allergic to hair dye from Wellthatsucks

9. Into outer space.

"It might rain today, I think I’ll take my umbrella out." …. that went well! from Wellthatsucks

10. Did you get her number?

Stitch ups from Wellthatsucks

11. Your phone is in police custody.

Well that sucks… from Wellthatsucks

12. Who’s ready to eat?!?!

13. What’s drywall?

A friend sent me this picture today. from Wellthatsucks

14. Joe, are you out there?

Packages delivered to the wrong address… from Wellthatsucks

Has anything really embarrassing or humiliating happened to you lately?

Tell us all about it in the comments! C’mon, just let it out!

The post These People Are Having a Much Worse Day Than You appeared first on UberFacts.

11 Times Birthdays Did Not Go According to Plan and Went off the Rails

Birthdays are supposed to be great celebrations! I mean, that’s when you were born… and as a kid your birthday is essentially the biggest day of the year.

But… we’re not all that lucky. Some folks get completely shafted. These Reddit users were brave enough to share their sad birthday stories with the rest of us.

1. I would be SO angry!

Last year I was unemployed at the time of my birthday.

My friends and I made plans to actually go out and do something. The day before my birthday I got called to an interview where they told me I had a job. They wanted me to start the next day. So I cancelled my plans, went out and bought some work clothes and showed up for my first day of work. When I arrived, I found that there were 6 other girls there and that we were actually being interviewed again and that we would do a day of “training”. It then came out that only 2 people would leave with jobs.

Our “training” consisted of us doing 5 hours worth of kitchen labour. At the end of the day 2 girls were chosen and everyone else walked away jobless.

I was not one of those girls and I wasted my birthday on unpaid work.

2. Super!

My Birthday is at the very end of January. So often this coincides with the Super Bowl.

16th birthday was going to be a Super Bowl party. Gave out a ton of invites, paper and verbal. Had a bunch of people say they would swing by either for the whole thing or for the first half. Blah Blah Blah.

Put out snacks, had the game on the big screen. Only had two people show up and they didn’t even come inside. They just dropped off a small cake on their way to a different Super Bowl party.

At halftime I finally gave up hope that anyone else was showing up and told my mom to put the snacks away as I was going to bed.

3. Oh, get over it

It was my 19th birthday.

I was living in the dorms, and my friends got together and decided to give me a surprise party. This included them going out of their way to not see me all day, to avoid telling me happy birthday. All of my friends ignored me for the entire day, only to call me down to one of their rooms at 11:00 PM. I was getting ready for bed, ready to put the whole crappy day behind me. Instead I have to go down there to find them all drinking. They didn’t understand why that was not exactly a fun experience.

4. Face plant

I don’t remember exactly which birthday it was, I think 9th or 10th, we were all set to go to Chuck E Cheese with some friends and their parents for my birthday.

I was out in the yard with my friends playing with skate boards until it was time to leave for the pizza party. One of my shoe laces came undone, went under the wheel of the skateboard I was riding on and it pulled me down and I face planted into the sidewalk and took a good chunk if not all of the skin off my nose. Bloodied and crying, we still went to Chuck E Cheese.

I felt so insecure with this big bloodied scar of a nose while we were out in public.

5. Get better friends

For my 19th birthday, I organized a party at a friend’s house with tons of booze and tons of snacks. My ARMY buddy whose house it was at even procured Everclear for the Jungle Juice. I invited pretty much everyone I knew and told them to invite their friends.

One friend showed up.

Six years later, I tried again. I organized a “taste tripping” party where you take these Miracle Berry tablets that change the way your tongue tastes food (sour tastes sweet). I had a bunch of different foods on a platter for people to try tasting. Again, I invited everyone I knew.

Only one friend and his girlfriend showed up.

I’ve decided to stop throwing birthday parties.

6. Broke friends

Well, it was my 18th, and my first after starting university.

Throughout high school, I was fairly well off and was usually pretty generous. I talked to all my friends and they all wanted to come until I mentioned they might have to kick in half for their dinner. All bailed except one, who got depressed and cancelled. My World of Warcraft guild got together and sent me a tray of muffins and a timecard. Its always a crappy day when the only people who even pretend to care on your birthday are people who you’ve never met in real life.

Thank you, <The Muffin Kings>, for caring.

7. Series of unfortunate events

My 20th birthday.

I woke up at 8am, went to class in the crappy cold rain. When I got there and found out class was cancelled I was pretty bummed, especially since I had no ride home for three hours.

Next my sister takes me out to lunch where we find out our grandfather has to have emergency open heart surgery. Awesome. After that mess I went to see my now ex-girlfriend at school because she refused to drive home to see me.

We go out to dinner, she doesn’t have money because she spent it all on booze earlier in the week. I have to pay for my own dinner. Next we go back to her dorm room for some birthday sexy time, but instead we have a talk and she breaks up with me.

Worst birthday I’ve ever had.

8. Well that’s sad!

My birthday usually came a week after my first report card, and I got punished as a result with either no birthday, or a “bitter birthday” with just me and my parents, who would stare at me disappointedly. Or my mother was drunk, and would forget.

My birthdays since then have been pretty good, though.

9. …I just can’t

On my 22nd birthday, my housemates girlfriend insisted we go out. She kept badgering me about it until I named a local place that was semi-expensive, I also said Chilis. She kept pushing for the more expensive place insisting it was my special day.

We got there, she looked at the menus and immediately threw a fit, complaining she couldn’t afford anything. When her boyfriend attempted to buy her meal, she declined him multiple times, and refused to share his as a compromise.

For the rest of the night we ate in silence interrupted by her complaining about hunger pangs and how anyone could afford the place she had insisted we all go to.

10. Shit rolls downhill

16th birthday, I woke up to my parents fighting.

They didn’t even remember it was my birthday. Then my best friend, who happened to be the girl I was madly in love with stopped by to tell me goodbye as she was moving to Texas with her family.

I told her I liked her before but on that day I was going to tell her how I feel and ask her out.

When I got back from saying goodbye, my dad was packing his stuff and they told me they were getting divorced.

11. Like dominos…

I was really excited for my 19th birthday.

I was going to have lunch with my girlfriend, hang out with my friends after, and end the evening with pizza at my parents home. The girlfriends mum picks me up (no car at the time because I was living with the girlfriend and paying rent) and we go down to her university and she has to pick up some books so we go to the bookstore and she kills 2 hours in lines and shopping for clothing. Not all the books were bought so we went to an off campus bookstore. Another hour or so in line. I text my friends and cancel our plans.

We then go to The Olive Garden and she spends the whole time talking to her mum about something that the mum’s most recent boyfriend did. Started chatting up the server and mentioned it was my birthday to her and SHE wished me a happy birthday. Girlfriend looked at me puzzled. She had forgotten it. It’s now 8 pm and we are driving home. I’m in the backseat and I call my parents and tell them that I’ll be home soon. There’s an accident down the road on. My parents call me and ask where I am. I tell them to eat without me. 3 hours later we are out of the traffic jam and I go to my parents home and cry.

Broke up with her a few weeks later because she was cheating on me (for months now) and I was still salty about her forgetting my birthday and ruining that day.

What did you think? Have a story that can top some of these?

You know what to do… let us know in the comments!

The post 11 Times Birthdays Did Not Go According to Plan and Went off the Rails appeared first on UberFacts.

These People All Had a Hard Time With the English Language

English can be hard, even if you’re a native speaker. Sometimes, the right word just won’t come – or, you’ve only heard it and never seen it spelled, maybe?

I don’t know. I’m just trying to give these 12 people the benefit of the doubt.

When really, they just could have used Google.

12. Sometimes we all need a hug.

Image Credit: Twitter

11. I love that Google figured it out.

10. Eh, close enough.

Image Credit: Twitter

9. He was jus trying out something new!

Image Credit: Twitter

8. Gonna go watch the back of my eyelids.

7. Yes. Yes I did.

Ah yes, enslaved calcium from wildbeef

6. Too late.

View post on imgur.com

5. He made someone’s day at the factory.

4. Okay just stop.

https://contemplativeckik.tumblr.com/post/138109724727

3. “Bird leaf” seems like the right word, honestly.

Image Credit: Twitter

2. That’s a great nickname if I’ve ever seen one.

Image Credit: Tumblr

1. An apt description if I’ve ever seen one.

Stringy water vegetable from wildbeef

Some of these made me snort out loud!

Do you have a story like this? Share it with us in the comments!

The post These People All Had a Hard Time With the English Language appeared first on UberFacts.

Divorced People Share the Moment They Realized Their Marriage Was Over

Marriage is supposed to be forever, but it doesn’t often work out that way.

Sometimes with divorces, there’s a slow, tortuous buildup to the end with enough drama and/or introspection to fill a few diaries cover to cover. Then there are those marriages where everything combusts in a moment, like it did in most of these 19 stories from various Reddit threads.

Hopefully at least one fun divorce party was had after these proceedings!

1. Broiled was given lots of red flags.

Probably when I returned home and found all the furniture, food and my wife missing.

Another hint was the empty bank account.

2. Then shouldn’t cdc194 and his ex be going to hell for divorcing?

She wasn’t religious when we met, 10 years later she told me I was going to hell for believing in dinosaurs.

3. Buckaroo_Banzai_ just wanted a new shirt.

My wife put on 170 lbs over 10 years. I never said anything and supported her attempts at weight loss.

One day I was trying on an old Steelers jersey that didn’t fit, because I had gained 15 lbs in 10 years. I said, “Well, i guess it’s time to buy a bigger jersey.” her response:

“We’re not blowing money on a stupid jersey. You’ll just have to lose weight.”

Fucking

Done

4. Metyuadem saw the demise of two relationships at once. What a show.

When I came home to find her sister’s husband naked in my bed.

5. Nobody likes taking the bus, but this person’s ex could’ve kept that thought to herself.

On my 6th birthday I got a dog named Ace, an absolutely beautiful golden retriever chow mix that was my only friend throughout a very lonely elementary-middle school life.

My parents called me one day in July of 2009 while I was at work (I was stationed in my hometown after a few tours) telling me they were taking him to be put down because he was having some terrible medical problems and in pain.

I asked my Top if I could go and he threw me out of the office, on the way towards my folks house I called my wife at work (DQ) crying hysterically about it. I told her that she will have to either take the bus home or have her mother take her.

The bus was a straight route and would take 15 minutes, and her mom lived between her work and our house so it would be no hassle anyway.

Cut the story short, she starts screaming at me for caring more about a “stupid fucking dog” than her having to take the bus home, I hung up and that was it. I never kissed or hugged her again.

6. If Raven2002 wasn’t that hurt by his friend, he needs better friends.

I came home early from work because of a migraine. Found him in bed with my best friend.

Oddly, I was more hurt by her behavior than his.

Broomed them both that day.

7. GoingBackToKPax takes things literally.

The last straw? The one they kept snorting coke with.

8. This person’s ex was very upfront about their opinions/forcing them on other people.

When he said ‘okay, I won’t force you into converting anymore, but I’m going to pressure you a little bit and talk a lot about my religion to you so that you’ll accept the truth eventually’.

At least there was honesty involved in this failed conversion.

10. Molunkusmol delivered a great comeback on such short notice.

I suspected my then husband of cheating, so I followed him. I went to the house where he was and saw him outside with a little boy. I was angry and asked (not meaning it), “Who is that – your son?” He said, “Yes.”

Yikes – surprise – he had another family! Time to split! My response, “I don’t ever want to see you again. On your deathbed will be too soon.”

11. _Blood_Fart_ is familiar with the adventures of the sea.

After having sex, her lover would wipe his “nut” on my pillow.

Came home from work and laid right in it 2 times. She claimed I drooled in my sleep.

I know the taste of seamen, she could not fool me.

12. It’d be interesting to know how often 1angrydad consumes this fruit now.
Bananas.

We were grocery shopping, and I pick up a bunch of bananas and she immediately started in with “Why are you getting bananas?! You’re not going to eat them, put them back! Right now!”

Literally yelling at me and berating me in public for bananas.

When we got back to the house, I told her I was done.

One too many crazy episodes for me.

13. Shakeyjake discovered the power of writing.

When I sat down and wrote down all my life’s goals and ambitions and realized that when I imagined my happiest self in the future it didn’t include her.

14. It’s shocking that noisycat’s husband was shocked.

My husband informed me he was moving the girl he had been having an affair with into our house.

He wasn’t divorcing me – he fully expected I’d be passive enough to accept it.

According to his friends and family, he was “shocked” I left.

15. Zinere could’ve ended up without the dog, which would’ve been worse.

When she dropped me off on a major highway in Florida with no cell, no money, my dog and a bag of clothes that is when I made the choice this woman’s getting a divorce.

16. Was_creative_once shouldn’t be so modest about his math skills.

Came home from a seven month deployment overseas to a five month pregnant wife. I’m no mathematician but I figured that one out

Putting two and two together can be hard sometimes.

17. Emodius and his ex had different ideas about work.

Ex wife said “You should get a second job”. I’m like, “Bitch, you should get a first job”. I knew.

18. DidymusNoble doesn’t understand the importance of cat food.

My dad left a passive aggressive note about not leaving a can of cat food in the fridge. My Mom confronted him about the tone of the note.

A fight ensued, Dad tried to escape to his man cave, Mom made the mistake of barging in to continue the fight while he was trying to calm down, Dad erupted in 25 years worth of pent up rage.

A can of cat food…

19. It’s unclear what WHATS_WITH planned to do with the one breast implant.

The day she showed up with a boob job and new boyfriend.

I wanted to sue for the right one, but my lawyer didn’t like that idea. I wanted my half!

Presumably he intended to do nothing fruitful with the fake boob.

Well, that was something I’ll never forget. What a bunch of insane stories!

Do you have one that you want to share? Do it in the comments!

The post Divorced People Share the Moment They Realized Their Marriage Was Over appeared first on UberFacts.

A Guy Got Revenge on His Thieving Roommate With a Booby-Trapped USB

Roommates can make or break your college experience, and having to live with someone you don’t trust – because they’re taking your things without asking – has to be pretty high on the list of annoying things about university.

That’s exactly what this guy was dealing with, but since what was being taken was considered small potatoes, he and his other roommates were left to their own devices to teach the 4th a lesson.

Oh David… you’re time is coming…

And the plan is set into action!

He bought this handy tool AND figured out how to claim innocence should the thief (predictably) take the bait.

And much laughter ensued!

And yeah, David is as dumb as you think…

Lesson learned?

Only time will tell, I suppose, but I doubt David will come back to say thanks for the moral guidance any time soon.

What did you think? Let us know in the comments!

The post A Guy Got Revenge on His Thieving Roommate With a Booby-Trapped USB appeared first on UberFacts.

People Reveal the Darkest Family Secrets They Ever Discovered

My family happens to be pretty tame, to the point where I was always a little surprised when my friends told me stories about their crazy parents. Growing up, I never understood quite how lucky I was to have a boring family – at least until I had already moved out.

And after reading these 13 AskReddit users stories about their family’s deep dark secrets only serves to reaffirm me.

Because THEY CRAY!

1.  NAZIS!

“I married this woman a few years ago.

After dating her a while, I could tell there was something strange about her family. She claimed that she didn’t know what part of the world her ancestors were from, didn’t know where her last name came from, her parents had blonde hair and blue eyes, but had Latino accents. I later found out their first language was Portuguese and they were from Brazil.

Anyway, about a year after we were married, she sat down with me and explained that her grandparents were avid Nazis who fled to Brazil just before the war ended. She obviously didn’t like for people to know this, and had a hard time finding a way to tell me. I didn’t really care. I told her that I loved her for who she was and it didn’t matter who her grandparents were, all that mattered was who she was.

Anyway, it seemed important for her that I meet her relatives in Brazil, and apparently, her parents went there to visit every few years. So we planned the most bizarre trip of my life. When you first arrive, nothing seems off about the colony. They speak Portuguese and German, they have jobs, they drive cars, they don’t stand out in any way except that they look different than other Brazilians. The colony is isolated, and the few locals who are around don’t seem to care of really quite grasp what’s going on.

But once you start talking to people, you realize that they are deeply disturbed and have a deep-seated hatred for anyone who is different from them, especially Jews. I remember one conversation I had with her great uncle, a man who, I kid you not, had a Hitler mustache.

‘If you are going to be a part of this family you have to understand what we are planning. This is not some sad, little nursing home for the Nazi way of life to die, it is merely an incubator.’”

2. Angry Venting

“Found out through an angry vent given by my mother, that most of my cousins aren’t legitimate, and most of my aunts had lied to their husbands about the true father of their children.

Also found out that there was a very large niche of the family I had never met and that no one really admits to – because they’re all inbred.”

3. Premarital Sex

“When I first started dating my girlfriend, I was invited to her very conservative Catholic parents’ 25th wedding anniversary party.

I was hanging out with her and her 24-year-old older brother afterwords, and she was talking about how her mom found her birth control earlier that week and lectured her about how wrong premarital sex was (we weren’t having sex). I quick did some mental math and said, ‘She shouldn’t talk since your brother’s birthday is in 5 months.’

They both looked at me with a crazy amount of shock on their faces. They had never figured that out.”

4. Postmortem

“My grandmother’s cousin married a man she met in college. They had a daughter and were married for maybe 40 years. 3 years ago, he passed with cancer. We were not shocked at this. After all, he was approaching 70 and had a bad form of cancer, and it was spreading fast. We were prepared for this.

What we weren’t prepared for was that after he passed, his wife found a journal of his which explained that for 35 years, he was having a another relationship with a man.

It was a shock to all of us. He was so committed to his wife, that he never left. But at the same time, it must have killed him to stay silent for such a long time.”

5. “Piece of crap award”

“Thought my parents divorced just as a mutual agreement but my father had an affair. He was a cop and slept with his partner’s wife. Up there for biggest piece of crap award. I was 6-years-old when this all happened, 19 now and just found out a couple months ago.

Father also hates me because I decided to get out of the Army after breaking both of my legs at airborne school. Found out he got out of the Marines for having flat feet that hurt. Aunt (his sister) told me that he drove from Georgia to Florida every weekend because he hated his time in the Marines so much. Tries to tell me I am a wuss and disowned me.”

6. WTF Moments

“A long time ago, back when I was still in middle school my mom’s best friend died. She wouldn’t tell me how she died. Only that it was sudden. When I asked why we weren’t going to the funeral she told me that there wouldn’t be one because ‘her body was being donated to science.’

I didn’t ask any more questions. That was the last time we ever talked about her.

Well, five months ago my mom handed me her phone to find the number for Domino’s and as I’m scrolling through her contacts I come across the phone number of the dead best friend. Biggest WTF moment of my life. The next day I called it from a pay phone at Waffle House and she picked up. I instantly recognized the voice and accent. She’s not dead. Second biggest WTF moment of my life.”

7. You got the hook-up

“My mom was born in Colombia and moved to the U.S. when she was 12. I never knew much about her family, and was told multiple variations of sugar coated stories by other family members whenever I tried to find out more about my family history.

I was already aware that the Italian side of my family (paternal) had ties to the mob in NJ and eventually moved to Miami where my parents would eventually meet. Through Google, I also found out that my grandfather was a snitch, ended up in the witness protection program after being implicated in a murder and being indicted for selling massive amounts of cocaine. Ok, I thought, I can deal with that knowledge. Crappy about the coke, but maybe my mom’s side wasn’t so bad?

Thanks to ancestry websites and Google, I soon discovered multiple newspaper articles from the 1980s that would indicate that my maternal Colombian grandparents were the leaders of a massive pot smuggling ring which, at the time, was referred to as the largest pot smuggling operations ever carried out in the U.S. Both my grandparents were sentenced to over 250 years each, but after that my trail ran cold and I do not know how or when they died.

Family rumors would have me believe that my grandfather died of a heart attack in jail soon after hearing that my grandmother was murdered in Colombia. My mom never talks about it and I don’t feel comfortable asking. Very few of my friends know about it, but I must say I find it ironic that my Italian paternal grandparents were coke dealers, while my Colombian maternal grandparents were prolific pot smugglers.”

8. “It was looked down upon”

“This happened in May of this year. I have a sister who is four years older than me and a half-brother who is 14 years older than me (from a different father).

My aunt, my mom’s sister, sent out an email to the entire family that vented about 60 years of hatred toward my mother. Right at the end of the email, my aunt clearly indicated that my mom had another kid that no one knew about and had given the kid up for adoption. Huge news to my family who knew nothing about this.

I asked my mom about this and found out that the father of the kid was my brother’s dad, but my mom and him weren’t married when this happened 45~ years ago, so it was looked down upon by others. My mom eventually married my brother’s father and had him, but that was a few years later. After they got a divorce, she got married to my dad about 8 years later.”

9. “Horse people”

“I found out that one of my ancestors was exiled from Russia for challenging an army officer to a duel (with swords) and winning. My ancestor worked in the czar’s stable, and the argument arose when the army officer insisted on riding my ancestor’s horse. The horse threw him off and the army officer shot it.

We’ve always been horse people.”

10. Dementia Confession 

“My mom and I cared for her father as he deteriorated with old age. As his mind went he told stories from the war, from his youth, and about my grandmother’s first husband.

My grandpa had a crush on her before WWII but never acted on it because he was dirt poor. He lied about his age and joined the Navy when he was somewhere between 14 and 16 so he could be respectable. So he could be worthy of her.

While he was away she married a man her parents liked. Her first husband beat her badly, would get drunk and assault her then call her mean names and make her sleep in the barn. She stayed because divorce wasn’t something you did at the time.

My grandpa got back, all snazzy in his uniform, and was told she’d married and where she lived. He showed up to say hello and there she was, a bloody mess. He took her to the Doctor, got her cleaned up, and convinced her to divorce him.

A year later they were married. Her ex kept showing up to harass them.

The story we’d always been told is that her ex finally got the hint and moved away.

The story my grandpa told me, in a lucid moment, was basically this:

‘I hated him for what he’d done to her. I knew he’d never leave her alone. I made sure he’d never bother her or any other woman again.’

I think my grandpa confessed to killing his wife’s ex husband.

What you have to keep in mind is that this was a very rural part of the Midwest in the 40s.”

11. “Mother knew best”

“My parents used to always joke about how ‘we picked the wrong boy at the hospital.’ I never thought much of it. A year ago (I’m now 17), they told me that when I was born in the almost exact time as a boy whose parents abandoned him. The boy was almost the same size as well. Now, you’d think that this would never happen, but I was born in China at a hospital that somehow mixed us two up. Essentially, they weren’t exactly sure if I was the son of my parents. My mom looked at the two of us and swore that I was the one, despite the nurses’ tags stating otherwise. Genetic tests were (relatively) expensive then and were refused by my mother. They didn’t care at the time since there was no parent to claim the other boy.

Now, I’m about to go off to college, and I have no intention of finding out whether or not I’m the biological son. Strange when I think about the other boy though. People always say I do look like my parents though, so I have little doubt that mother knew best.”

12. Great great great uncle

“My grandmother has all the dirty little secrets but she’s too proper to spill anything. Until this one night when she told me about my grandfather’s (her husband’s) family…Essentially they were poor, living off the streets and trying to earn money during Australia’s gold rush. Anyways, the family had too many kids and not enough money so they sold one of their kids. He would’ve been my grandfather’s great uncle I suppose. She had kept it secret all this time.”

13. Atheist Priest

“My great uncle, who became a Catholic priest at a young age, came out to his parents as an atheist while in seminary. They threatened to disown him if he ever told anyone else, or if he left the seminary (They came from a small town near Boston; I guess it would have been social suicide back then). So he stayed, became an excellent priest, and apparently never told anyone until my dad asked him for advice when he was considering the priesthood as well. He swore my dad to secrecy until he (my great-uncle) was dead, because he was afraid of the impact it would have on his congregation if they found out.

I discovered all this about a year and a half ago, when my dad was extremely drunk and ranting against religion. Completely shook my view of my great-uncle and great-grandparents – they always sounded like the model family, and my uncle was an amazingly peaceful and humble man, didn’t stop working in the community until shortly before his death three years ago. If anything I think it made me respect him more, in the end.”

Well, can you blame these people for never wanting to reveal these secrets? That is some DARK shit. Wow.

Do you have a secret you want to reveal? Maybe you can use a different name and post them in the comments? We won’t judge… much. 😉

The post People Reveal the Darkest Family Secrets They Ever Discovered appeared first on UberFacts.