15 Tweets That Are Just So “Mom”

Is your mom a funny mom? I know mine definitely is – both intentionally and unintentionally (like moms are supposed to be, in my humblest opinion).

1. Listen up, Mama

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. Guilt trip to the max

Photo Credit: Twitter

3. Babied

Photo Credit: Twitter

4. That’s the cause

Photo Credit: Twitter

5. Viruses everywhere

Photo Credit: Twitter

6. Not going anywhere

Photo Credit: Twitter

7. #3 is intense

Photo Credit: Twitter

8. NO

Photo Credit: Twitter

9. Not what that means

Photo Credit: Twitter

10. Don’t let it out!

Photo Credit: Twitter

11. Better start defrosting that

Photo Credit: Twitter

12. They’re closed!

Photo Credit: Twitter

13. Hmmmm

Photo Credit: Twitter

14. Just LOL

Photo Credit: Twitter

15. Double-edged sword

Photo Credit: Twitter

Mom…she’s at it again!

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10 People Who Successfully Dodged the Cops Reveal How They Did It

It takes some balls to run from the cops, especially as an adult. If you dabbled in juvenile delinquency, I’m sure you remember your adolescent chases, but these stories are a bit different.

AskReddit users shared how they successfully ran from the 5-0. Run!

1. Minutes feel like hours

“I was “trespassing” in the park after dark with some friends. Two police officers showed up and flashed their lights so we ran around a baseball field to get away. We noticed they were following us so we all hid under those orange construction barrels you see along the highway.

Minutes felt like hours to a young teenager running from the long arm of the law.”

2. Thank god for garages

“My mom was speeding and the cop was heading towards her. He turns his lights on but has to go a ways further to U turn. My mom speeds up being only a couple blocks from home. We see him u turn just before we turn the corner. We pull into the garage and close the door and see the cop drive by less than a minute later with no clues.”

3. Brings back memories…

“House party in HS. About 30-40 kids in a basement drinking. Suddenly cops walk down the stairs (someone just let them in).

Tell us to sit tight and nobody go anywhere. Cops walk back upstairs. We’re all wasted.

I finagle a window open and help my friends and a couple brave souls up and out. I get out, run for a fence my friends just hopped, cop grabs me, hauls me back into the house.

Neglect to put me back in the basement. It’s my friend’s house so I pretend to belong. Open the fridge, grab a Mt. Dew. Cop walks in with bag of 100 breathalyzer tubes. I meander to the living room by the front door.

Wait for the clear, casually walk out the front door. Make it 3 steps and spolight hits me, cop yells at me. I meander back in, just by the front door.

Spotlight turns off, I wait 5 seconds, f*cking bolt out the front door again. Leap off front porch, sprint through front yards for 4 blocks until I’m in a field. Lay flat and call friends.

Cops patrol by with spotlight, can’t see me, go back to the house. Friends pick me up.

I have a lot these we were really good at almost getting caught for stupid sh!t.

Tldr; Escaped a house party surrounded by cops

Edit: This was early 2000’s in a suburb in the United States. They took underage drinking very seriously. If caught, you got a Minor In Possession ticket. Fine and court fees were $300-$500. So 30+ tickets that night would net the county quite a bit of cash.

We had a lot of kids showing up in hospitals with alcohol poisoning around that time too. So they were trying to help (maybe).”

4. Manhunt

“Oh man, one I can finally contribute to. This one was a while back, I’m 32 now so this had to have happened when I was like…13-14 maybe?

Anyway, a bunch of my friends and I had gathered to play man-hunt. Essentially hide and seek with teams. Except we went all out. We all wore all black, played at night, ..and definitely hid in places where we shouldn’t (neighbors backyards, under their cars, etc)

Anyhow, everything was going great this night..everyone is having fun. I got made (scoped out) and had to ditch the current spot I was in and started heading out towards an intersection in my neighborhood. Out of nowhere I heard a speeding car, it slams on the brakes, and I hear a booming voice, “GET ON THE GROUND, NOW!” …ooohh f*ck.

I instantly turned heel and booked it back down the street that I had came from. I hear footsteps gaining on me and got super nervous, but the cop must’ve saw someone else in closer proximity because he turns 90 degrees and started chasing them. I’m still running for my damn life when I hear, “yo! over here!”

I turned to the right to see my best friend hiding under a van in someones drive-way, so I jumped under there with him. We hid there for about two more minutes, but more and more cop cars were showing up – and I hear my best friend say, “man, f*ck this” and he takes off jumping fences/backyards of houses leading back to his place. I followed suit.

Somehow we made it, and he gave me a change of clothes – a white t-shirt and white hat, and told me I had to go because his parents were getting suspicious. Luckily the game of man-hunt had started at his house, so my bike was there.

I definitely rode my bike home the long way. On my way home I saw cops looking through bushes and yards with k-9 units and flashlights, but because I was wearing essentially all white, and on a bike..I guess I didn’t fit the description of the guys that they were looking for. They even brought a chopper out in the search.

Funny part is, everyone that got caught and rounded up were sat on the curb literally across the street from my house. So I saw my friends in handcuffs as I rode by. I was terrified that they’d rat me out for some reason, but they didn’t. My parents still give me shit for that one. They, naturally, were worried that I’d end up one of the ones in hand-cuffs.”

5. Escape

“I had just gotten off of the highway, driving 70. And was on this frontage road and was still in the fast driving mode.

A cop goes by in the opposite direction, and I immediately look at my speed and see that I’m doing 65 in a 45. I wasn’t speeding on purpose, just in a kind of cruise.

I see him slow down.

My destination wasn’t far away so I put the hammer down, just in time to see him pull a U turn. I got up to about 90 before I had to pull in to the place I was going. They had the garage door open already, I pulled in and jumped out and slammed the door down.

My friends were giving me the “care to explain” face. Just in time to the the cop fly past at about 90 with lights on. I waited about 6 hours before I went home.”

6. Kegger!

“Ended up going to a massive kegger (500+ people) in the middle of nowhere Iowa. Shortly after we arrived, about 10 or so sheriffs showed up and began getting plate numbers/handing out public intox tickets and mips.

I hopped in my trusty little 93′ Geo Storm and waited for the sheriff by the field entrance to get a little ways away from his vehicle before slapping it in first and dumping the clutch.

Made it about half a mile from my friend’s house before I looked up and spotted cherries in my rearview mirror. At this point, I figured there was no point in running, so I conceded and pulled over. Turns out that particular sheriff was on his way to a separate call! Biggest sigh of relief, ever.”

7. Training

“I was in the military as medical on a training course. Nearly all of us were normally civilian doctors and nurses with limited “real” military training as far as combat readiness. Part of the course was a night time Escape and Evade exercise that was basically hide and seek in the woods.

They flew over a helicopter for noise distraction and had taught us some fundamentals, then gave us a red card and informed us that there were U.S. Marines out there looking for us who got rewarded for collecting red cards from every dumbass they detected. We had two hours to cross the woods and reach a lighted tower without being spotted.

The winner was a guy who just walked to the light tower without hiding while loudly muttering about the stupid f*cking Marines and the stupid training exercise and he just wanted to have a cheeseburger. All the Marines assumed that he was already detected and had his card pulled and they focused on idiots like me trying to sneak around. He walked up to the officer at the light tower and handed in his red card for the victory.”

8. Out the back door

“A party got busted on spring break and I boogeyed out the back door when the cops were filing everyone else out the front. Hopped a fence and ran into a neighborhood security man who was quite out of shape. He asked if I was running from the cops (as the blue lights flash behind us). I say “of course not” he asks for my id and I promptly turn heels and run again. This is where it gets good.

Drunk me decided that I needed to run in zig zags to dodge any taser shots and sure enough, I cut to my right and the taser line hits the ground next to me. Turned my head to see the fat guards mouth opened and ran 2 miles back to my hotel room. Safe and sound.

Also cops came for a noise complaint. It was a large rental house in a neighborhood and cops getting called on spring breakers is very normal. For those wondering why he shot the taser, this is America. My brother got a taser pulled on him by the school resource officer for jokingly taking his shirt off in high school. Not saying it’s right but it’s fairly common for excessive use of force.”

9. A long tale

“When I was a child, early 80s an officer on a motorcycle pulled my sister over on her bike for crossing to the wrong side of the road for about 40′ before turning on our home street. She saw a break in traffic, took it to cross safely, hit the sidewalk and turned on our road. He followed her to our home.

She was 16, first week of first job and he thought it more important to lecture and intimidate her for 40 minutes about bikes following rules of the road and no one is exempt to laws before writing her a $15 ticket. She was devastated as she hadn’t even seen her first paycheck.

So I made it my life’s purpose to spite this cop, we’ll call him Dan F. At first it was just talking crap on him with friends. Then yelling at him on traffic stops stupid stuff to irritate. I knew his name and he was the only motorcycle officer in my town at the time and easy to spot and an easy name to joke about.

I eventually was quite the adept cyclist and somewhere around 1985-86 it escalated to every time I spotted him I’d find a reason for him to give chase to pull me over for some stupid infraction. The only difference was I rode like the wind and he underestimated that as soon as his lights went on, I had a knack for disappearing.

My irreverence for authority was getting the best of me and I made him chase me too many times, often traffic gave me an advantage to lose him. I even repainted my cycle often or changed up bar tape just to keep it fresh. He knew my hood but I’d goad him all over town. One slow day he was giving me a good run for my money on a Saturday, I bit off more than I could chew and he wasn’t relenting today.

So took to a school yard I knew well that I didn’t attend hoping he couldn’t fit that Harley through the back alley pillars that prevented cars on the school yard. He kept on me through the grassy field but it worked. Though landed me in a decent sized neighborhood with only two exits to main arteries and a distance to get to one of them and he spun around going for the one I needed to be closer to safe spots and a radio to alert a car to the other that put me in plain sight way to long to get back without pissed off small town police to grab me.

I saw a lifted truck parked next to an RV in a stranger’s drive and laid the cycle in the bed and ducked under the RV. I had to wait him out several hours as he knew he had both exits covered and He rode by about every 20 minutes. Finally after he hadn’t been by for an hour I left the same way I went in. I kept worrying my $600 paper route earned racing cycle was going to drive off in that truck.

I decided to chill out for a while and leave Dan F alone. Repainted the bike and avoided him as it was just big enough of a town to have anonymity but small enough to be remembered.

Fast forward to about 1997 I’m graduated school, started a career and professionally our paths cross. I knew him right away in plain clothes and when I saw his name I was glad he didn’t know/remember me. When we finished our business he is thanking me for my service and says “Glad to see you grew up well, it’s a good thing I never caught you in the act on that damn bike. Say hi to your sister for me. How did you get out of ‘neighborhood name’ anyway?”

“Same way I went in.”

He was always a prick locally by reputation but just doing his job. He remembered me from that first traffic stop when he pulled my sister over with excellent recognition that job requires and when I would yell stupid crap at him after it only cemented my face in his memory. Could’ve shown up at my door anytime but always wanted to catch me in the act. Turned out to be a pretty decent guy- out of uniform 😂 Never gave him a chance to pull me over in a car in that town.”

10. Gone

“I was a lanky middle school kid smoking weed behind a building in Canada. I ran short distance track at the time so I was gone as soon as I saw them taking the corner and I guess they decided that the chase wasn’t worth the effort.”

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10+ Simple Hacks That Can Seriously Improve Your Life

We’ve all had those mundane, everyday problems that sometimes get referred to as “first world problems.” You know, things like not being able to get ice cubes into your favorite water bottle or someone stealing a nonfat yogurt you were saving as a treat from the break room. Monsters!

But what if there were a few easy things you can do to eliminate the unnecessary stress in your life? These simple life hacks could make everything so much easier…

1. Why didn’t I think of that in college?

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

2. For the absolutely paranoid life-hackers.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

3. Say good-bye to that pesky stem!

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

4. Never lose another chip to staleness!

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

5. You’ll never smash another finger.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

6. The lunch stealer won’t even think about taking your sandwich again.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

7. A game changer for the tailgate party!

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

8. There is a future for the CD holder. #Upcycle

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

9. Hate throwing away toilet paper rolls? Keep them to start a garden.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

10.  A great way to keep the tooshie warm year round.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

11. Never have another watered-down glass of wine.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

12. Don’t trash your favorite jeans for a faulty zipper.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

13. Genius!

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

14. Super smart way to keep your drink cool.

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

15. Keep a bag of Doritos in your survival kit!

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

Hope these help!

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15+ Absolutely Hilarious Things Kids Said to Their Parents

I’ll say it: Kids are weird. I don’t even feel bad saying it because ou know I’m right.

And thankfully we have parents who are willing to share their kids’ weird sayings with all of us so we can enjoy their weirdness!

1. Not what I meant

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. That’s all for today

Photo Credit: Twitter

3. That’s a lot

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4. GET HER

Photo Credit: Twitter

5. Not me

Photo Credit: Twitter

6. Hmmm…

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7. Feet traps

Photo Credit: Twitter

8. Good question

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9. RUTHLESS

Photo Credit: Twitter

10. That sounds good to me

Photo Credit: Twitter

11. I kind of like that

Photo Credit: Twitter

12. Who knows?

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13. Not real

Photo Credit: Twitter

14. Questioning life now

Photo Credit: Twitter

15. Not entirely wrong

Photo Credit: Twitter

16. What a coincidence

Photo Credit: Twitter

17. That’s all it takes

Photo Credit: Twitter

18. Don’t worry about it

Photo Credit: Twitter

19. Thanks for ruining it

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20. Hahaha

Photo Credit: Twitter

But weird in a good way!

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Behold the “Avozilla:” a Giant Avocado That’ll Make Millennials Go Berserk

The world’s recent obsession with avocados, possibly fueled by the millennial love for avocado toast, might have you thinking they’re a newcomer to the culinary scene, but they’ve actually been around for a long, long time. Avocados are heart-healthy, jam-packed with nutrients, and they pretty much go great with anything.

Basically, the only thing that could make an avocado better is if it were bigger, smoother, or more easily spreadable.

If only…

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

But, hang on. Agriculture heard our wails and has acted benevolently. Giant avocados – called “avozillas” – actually do exist. According to The Guardian Australia, a farm in Queensland is cultivating enormous avocados “as big as your head.” They are, in fact, about four times larger than a normal avocado.

Photo Credit: Peaches Fresh Food

Holy guacamole.

A company in South Africa owns the rights to the variety, which was produced via cross-breeding. Anyone interested in growing their own avozillas must pay to obtain permission and then pay royalties. Currently one farmer in Australia has the lock on a few hundred trees, so the giant fruit (it’s a fruit) is available in a few cities there. They have also exported them to England.

What’s keeping the avozilla from taking over? Ian Groves, the first to have grown them on his Australian farm, believes they may be too niche.

He also told The Guardian, “There is a nursery we buy different trees off, and when we were planting a bunch of avocados 10 years ago, they gave us one as a trial. And after about four or five years, we tried a few of the fruit and thought we’d give them a go. So we planted a small block of about just under 400 trees. They’re coming up to about four years and this is their first production.”

Clearly it takes some forethought to get from idea to table.

Avozillas may not be available everywhere guac fans are, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from falling head over pit for them.

Photo Credit: Instagram

The avozilla’s majesty is inspiring.

Photo Credit: Twitter

And brunch is served.

Photo Credit: Instagram

So, how about it, California and Mexico? Let’s have some avozillas!

We’ll wait.

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People Share Their Biggest Pet Peeves and We Can All Relate

We all have our pet peeves. I know I certainly do. Some of the things I’m petty about are, admittedly, pretty stupid – like my hatred of large tablespoons. I hate the way they feel in my mouth. I’m #TeamSmallerSpoons all day.

With that in mind, let’s have a look at the seemingly inconsequential things that really annoy the hell out of other people, shall we?

This tweet got the ball rolling:

Photo Credit: Twitter

1. What even is that

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2. WAIT

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3. Sidewalk hogs

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4. Drives me nuts

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5. Doesn’t work like that

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6. Relax, buddy

Photo Credit: Twitter

7. Grammar patrol

Photo Credit: Twitter

8. What would the south think?

Photo Credit: Twitter

9. That’s what it means

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10. The least you could do

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11. STOP

Photo Credit: Twitter

12. Mobile etiquette

Photo Credit: Twitter

13. Yeah, so anyway…

Photo Credit: Twitter

14. LEAVE ME ALONE

Photo Credit: Twitter

15. Just wrong

Photo Credit: Twitter

16. *Rips hair out*

Photo Credit: Twitter

17. Hmmmm

Photo Credit: Twitter

18. Oh lord, yes

Photo Credit: Twitter

19. Please clear. PLEASE.

Photo Credit: Twitter

20. Don’t get her started

Photo Credit: Twitter

I don’t know about you, but I see myself in some of these tweets.

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A Little Girl Insisted on Dressing up as a 100-Year-Old for Her 100th Day of Kindergarten, and it’s Priceless

Kids: they do the darndest things don’t they? For example, there’s this adorable little girl decided to dress up for her 100th day of kindergarten in a pretty unique way. Her father, who happens to be a Reddit user, shared the story about how his 6-year-old daughter dressed up as 100-year-old for her 100th day of kindergarten.

Of course, it didn’t take long for the story, and photo, to go viral, because it’s hilarious and all around awesome. See for yourself:

Photo Credit: Reddit

He said his wife and mother-in-law deserve credit for the hair, makeup and wardrobe.

Photo Credit: Reddit

The old lady look is strong with this one. Dad said, “Her friends and teachers loved it, she got a lot of attention in class that day. The cafeteria ladies were obsessed with her, and her friends were all gathered around her first thing in the morning like she was a zoo exhibit.”

Photo Credit: Reddit

Photo Credit: Reddit

Here is the little lady without her makeup and costume.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Of course, the internet went crazy for it.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Who doesn’t love a little girl with imagination?

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This Guy’s Duck Story on Tinder Is Easily the Greatest Way to Score a Girl’s Number

Dating these days is… well, let’s just say it’s not like it used to be. Thanks to Tinder, manners and charm have seemingly gone out the window. Welcome to the world of the insta-date. Swipe right, swipe left, match, get the number, set up a date, sleep together…then what? Lather, rinse, repeat, I suppose.

Well, this guy has all the other Tinder men beat with his funny and intriguing story about a duck – all to get the girl’s number. His creativity charmed her, and I bet he actually made her laugh enough to hand over the digits.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/mattythegee

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/mattythegee

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/mattythegee

Many people applauded his creativity and are thinking of trying it out for themselves.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/LUCIEN

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/drkrogue

Photo Credit: Ruin My Week

Photo Credit: Ruin My Week

Take note gentleman (and ladies)! This is a game changer.

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10 Hilarious Illustrations That Perfectly Sum Up Parenthood

Adrienne Hedger is the writer and illustrator behind the edearingly funny Hedge Humor. She’s also a wife, mother of two, and dog mom of one. The 10 illustrations below could very well make you fall in love with her work, so make sure and follow her on Instagram before you go!

#1. No one said raising a human would be easy.

Photo Credit: Instagram

#2. Some days you’re a superhero. Some days…not.

Photo Credit: Instagram

#3. “Go back to being cute.” Ha!

Photo Credit: Instagram

#4. Moms would pay good money for this.

Photo Credit: Instagram

#5. I mean. Just take the compliment and move on.

Photo Credit: Instagram

#6. High five, because at least something still works.

Photo Credit: Instagram

#7. There is no shame.

Photo Credit: Instagram

#8. True story. Make it count.

Photo Credit: Instagram

#9. Guilty.

Photo Credit: Instagram

#10. Little angels.

Photo Credit: Instagram

I love these sweet, funny reminders that we’re all in this parenting thing together!

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Viral Twitter Thread Shows Just How Ridiculous Stationary Bike Ads Are

Have you seen those ads for Peloton stationary bikes lately? They’re everywhere, and honestly, they’re kind of ridiculous.

Clue Heywood pointed out the silliness of these ads on a viral Twitter thread:

Photo Credit: Twitter

Why wouldn’t you? It’s not like it’s an eyesore or anything.

Photo Credit: Twitter

I mean, it’s what I do with my zen garden/home gym.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Show it off to your neighbors!

Photo Credit: Twitter

What do you mean everyone doesn’t have a conservatory?

Photo Credit: Twitter

Love the peacock.

This is my favorite though …

Photo Credit: Twitter

Who thought this photo was a good idea? The child is in the freaking corner? Good lord.

Peloton bikes: they’re expensive and ridiculous.

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