15 Inconveniences That Are Basically Level 1 Bad Guys

Remember when you played video games as a kid (or even more recently, if you’re like me), there was always the Big Bad Guy that you had to beat who was almost impossible to beat.

Before you get to that Big Bad, however, there’s a series of less difficult sub-bosses to get through, who each get progressively harder as you progress towards the last boss. So, the Level 1 boss is basically just a minor inconvenience.

What is the real-life equivalent?

The 13+ people below have some suggestions, and it’s hard to argue!

#1. Everyone knows.

Kid tries to punch me and take my food then cried when his hand aches from hitting the bone in my back. Everyone know that if you wanna hurt a man, you need to kick the crotch.

#2. People.

People who stare at you and make you look away.

#3. A goose at the park.

That goose at the park that I tried to do karate at when I was five

#4. Slow and go.

The guy who does a “slow and go” at a 4 way stop when you were there first.

#5. That won’t stop.

A fly that won’t stop bugging you

#6. That little mini-stumble.

The curb that’s one inch higher than you expected so you do that little mini-stumble thing

#7. Back in middle school.

The Hall Monitor from back in middle school. The parking meter checker for adults.

#8. A thief.

Workplace lunch thief

#9. Not the grapes.

People who steal/eat grapes from the supermarket

#10. That dude.

That dude who keeps asking the introvert why he doesn’t speak

#11. Someone you could easily punt.

Kids from rough neighborhoods that try and rob you. Btw, by kids I mean like <13, so someone you could easily punt across the fucking moon.

#12. Just ants.

Generic ants. Not bullet ants or anything; just ants.

#13. 200+ followers.

A middle schooler making fun of you for not having 200+ followers

#14. The kid who won’t share the swing.

In the first year of elementary school, just after the tutorial, there’s a kid who won’t share the swing and keeps it all recess.

#15. Seeing you in doubles.

The alcoholic threatening to beat you up while not being able to stay on their feet and always swinging to the left/right of you because he’s seeing you in doubles.

If only every defeat was so easy!

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20 “Friends With Benefits” Share Their Cringeworthiest Secrets

Have you ever been in a “friends with benefits” situation?

Those who have will likely be quick to point out that, while it provides a great deal of physical fulfillment, it can be a little emotionally empty. Inevitably, however, one person starts to want that emotional component too, and things get messy.

Here are 20 stories of people who tried the FWB setup… and it’s not going so good.

1. Honesty is the best policy.

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Did you see that movie?!

Photo Credit: Whisper

3. Oh no… how horrible for you…

Photo Credit: Whisper

4. Yeah, that is a bit much.

Photo Credit: Whisper

5. Better luck next time!

Photo Credit: Whisper

6. Just let it go man. Let it go…

Photo Credit: Whisper

7. Isn’t that kind of the point?!

Photo Credit: Whisper

8. Yeah, that’s kind of how this stuff goes.

Photo Credit: Whisper

9. Open your mouth and allow words to come out.

Photo Credit: Whisper

10. Yeah, that’s not cool.

Photo Credit: Whisper

11. Oh, calm the fuck down already.

Photo Credit: Whisper

12. Hates is probably a strong word, yeah?

Photo Credit: Whisper

13. Ruined? You sure about that?

Photo Credit: Whisper

14. No, you good.

Photo Credit: Whisper

15. Hmmm, not the outcome one would expect, but if it works, it works!

Photo Credit: Whisper

16. Maybe he’s trying to convince himself?

Photo Credit: Whisper

17. And!?!?!

Photo Credit: Whisper

18. Break. It. Off.

Photo Credit: Whisper

19. Haha, well, I bet that wasn’t uncomfortable or anything…

Photo Credit: Whisper

20. Probably.

Photo Credit: Whisper

If I’m being completely, brutally honest… I have no sympathy for any of those people.

When you agree to these kind of situations, you have to be ready for the fallout.

Otherwise, stay away from the genitals!

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10+ Tweets About Pizza That’ll Make You Say “Yep, Same”

Holy Mother of God, I love pizza so much! It’s pretty much the greatest thing EVER.

1. I felt a great disturbance in the oven…

2. Pizza is the role model everyone should strive to be more like.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @BestProAdvice

3. Make. It. Happen.

4. It’s a cons-pizza-cy.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @feralgear

5. We know that feeling all too well.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @SheaSerrano

6. It’s the pinnacle of fun.

7. Remember to stay humble.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @pizzaminati

8. It’s an important decision.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @Logan__Holmes

9. Is it a mood if I feel that way all the time?

10. I’d complain way more about not getting to eat pizza.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @NataliePerk

11. Can’t have one without the other.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @SahBabii

12. Celebs are people, too.

Photo Credit: Twitter: @Sam_Posts

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12 Great Marvel Moments That Were Totally Unscripted

Actors often ad-lib lines during filming, either in the interest of humor or character, without knowing whether they’ll make it into the movie people see in theaters or end up on the cutting room floor. Sometimes what comes out, though, is too good to cut out.

These 12 moments are so great, you won’t believe they were made up on the spot.

#1. “It’s not a hug. I’m just grabbing for the door. We’re not there yet.”

Image Credit: Marvel

The whole interaction was improvised, starting with the hug itself and flowing into RDJ’s awesome response.

#2. “Nobody would know.”

Image Credit: Marvel

He did all of the joking about shooting Quicksilver in the back on his own, and it’s now one of Hawkeye’s most memorable lines.

#3. “I am Iron Man.”

Image Credit: Marvel

That iconic line? Yep. All RDJ.

#4. “You’re supposed to move now so I can sit on the bed.”

Image Credit: Marvel

Tom Holland forgot his blocking so RDJ just stayed in character and made it work. Pro!

#5. “Please be a secret door, please be a secret door…”

Image Credit: Marvel

He also improvised the quiet “yay” afterward.

#6. “Help! Please…my brother, he’s dying! Get help!”

Image Credit: Marvel

Chris Hemsworth came up with the whole gag in the moment and Tom Hiddleston just went with it.

#7. “Blueberry?”

Image Credit: Marvel

Apparently RDJ is a notorious random snacker, and he was actually just noshing blueberries when he decided to offer Chris Evans one in character.

#8. “Why is Gamora?”

Image Credit: Marvel

The last scripted line is RDJ’s “Who is Gamora?” but Dave Bautista, the actor who played Drax, ad-libbed the final “I’ll do you one better: Why is Gamora?” and screenwriter Christopher Markus replied “Ok, you’re very good at your job.”

#9. “Try me, Beyonce.”

Image Credit: Marvel

In Doctor Strange, Benedict Cumberbatch made the Beyonce joke up in the moment, and then later, Wong can be seen listening to Beyonce “for research.”

#10. “I don’t wanna go.”

Image Credit: Marvel

The co-director of the film simply told Tom Holland to “act like you don’t want to go.”

#11. “Hey, Auntie.”

Image Credit: Marvel

Angela Bassett said during an interview that Michael B. Jordan improvised the cheeky line during their first meeting.

#12. “He’s a friend from work.”

Image Credit: Marvel

It was actually ad-libbed by a Make-A-Wish kid who was on set that day – Chris Hemsworth said, “We had a young kid, a Make-A-Wish kid on set that day. He goes, ‘You know, you should say, ‘He’s a friend from work!”

When it’s good, it’s good! (Also, Robert Downey Jr. does NOT stay on script…)

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20 Wedding Pros Share the Huge Red Flags That End Marriages

The question was simple: Marriage professionals, what are the red flags that prove a marriage won’t last?

Thousands of professionals chimed in, but these 20 are the best.

Enjoy the craziness that happens on people’s wedding day, most of which lead to divorce.

1. “…that’s a strong sign of an unbalanced relationship.”

Wedding videographer here. I don’t usually follow the marriage all that closely after the video is delivered, but usually you have a feeling as a neutral 3rd party about whether it’s going to last or not.

While I agree with most of the stuff mentioned here, I’ve found that the microcosm of how the couple feels about each other comes usually comes out during the cake cutting. If they’re drinking then they’ve usually had a few by that point and it’s a moment when everyone is watching you do something potentially awkward with your new SO. When I see a new bride or groom aggressively smush cake into the other’s face I usually feel like that’s a strong sign of an unbalanced relationship. Sometimes they’re both having fun with it and you can tell it’s cool, but most of the time you can tell that the person with cake on their face is either shocked or angry about it.

Again, I don’t have hard data to track results…but that’s the thing that usually informs my opinion about how it’s going to work out.

2. “I tried to play “I want to hear bride’s ideas” card…”

Ex wedding photographer here. There were only a couple situations where I had doubts about the couple’s future and one where I was certain.

I met the couple in a cafe to discuss their ideas and my services. The girl was very happy, she was very emotional and interested. The guy, however, was rolling his eyes and grunting at everything and I stop trying to get him involved in the conversation after he ignored me twice. It made the girl very uncomfortable and she was apologetic of his behavior. I don’t know what happened to them, as they apparently chose to reschedule their wedding and didn’t hire me in the end.

I declined shooting a wedding when the person who was going to hire me was the groom’s mom. When I asked her to arrange a meeting with the couple, she said that they didn’t want a wedding (meaning they wanted to elope), and it was her initiative to celebrate it. I tried to play “I want to hear bride’s ideas” card, but she told me the bride has no ideas, she obeys the groom, and the groom obeys mom. So I’ll only talk to the mom. So I declined, I hope the girl is fine – no one deserves a controlling MIL.

Finally, I was a guest and a photographer at my friend’s wedding. The bridesmaid was wearing a short white dress and she was chirping about her side hustle modeling for photos and catalogues, how “her boyfriend saw her in so many wedding dresses he won’t be surprised when she wears one to the wedding” and how “she caught 8 bouquets already, this will be her ninth”.

She talked a lot about wedding planning and stuff, but apparently there hadn’t even been a formal proposal and her boyfriend, who was a guest as well, looked very annoyed and clearly wished he were somewhere else.

Anyway, the bridesmaid started bugging me for photos of her and her boyfriend a week after the wedding, I told her several times that when I start editing the photos, I will do hers first, and by the time I sent her the photos, they were already broken up.

She started dating someone else a month later and got married the next year.

3. “the 8-month pregnant venue coordinator start carrying chairs…”

I used to work in day-of wedding coordination, and I remember 2 couples that I couldn’t wait to hear about the divorce.

When you pay a wedding coordinator, you only pay for the things the coordinator orders/plans (flowers, catering, DJ) + coordinator fees. Anything else couples buy (dresses, gifts, suits, etc) are added. We estimated this to be a $500,000 wedding, easy. Dad paying for all of it.

The bride was a total sweetheart when I met her. The groom seemed quiet, but was very easy going. Always nice to have a sober groom, and he didn’t drink a drop during the day. Then the photographer/videographer left to take some venue shots.

The bride began berating everyone, myself included, on how her perfect day had to be capped out because no one wanted to give her more. My clothes were trashy, the DJ’s computer was a PC, the bar staff we’re wearing red vests and she hates vests. Photographer came back and she was an angel again.

The second was a wedding of a general and pediatric surgeon in the local hospital. Paid for their own beautiful and in-their-means wedding. The bride was seriously amazing. But, there was a mixup day if the wedding. The 200 chairs that we’re supposed to be moved to the 3rd story of the historic building weren’t taken upstairs.

So my boss, the other assistant, and the 8 month pregnant venue coordinator start carrying chairs upstairs. 3 flights.

It wasn’t great.

After the wedding, we had to do it again, but down. The father of the groom started helping us. We begged him to enjoy his son’s day, but he responded that if it were his daughter doing this, he’d be furious. Groom comes by and tells his dad to stop helping the pregnant woman stack chairs.

He looks at the monster that is his son and asked how he’d feel if it was his wife or sister who had to do this. Groom told his dad that maybe if we had applied ourselves a little more, we wouldn’t have been taking out the trash at a successful couples wedding.

Clearly he didn’t know how much his wife was paying us.

4.

I was a wedding photographer for many years in the 00’s.

It was pretty easy to tell which couples were going to last and which ones would soon be divorced.

The main behavior differentiating the two was whether they were on the same team, helping each other and lifting each other up in the face of the inevitable problems and stress that come with weddings. Good couples tackle problems together. Bad couples take sides and fight/blame each other when something goes wrong.

5.

Wedding Planner here: Red Flags – nerves are normal but when one of the pair start doubting whether they should go through with it waaay before the day, you know something isn’t quite right. Green Flags – they make decisions together and have each other’s backs especially when family can be pressuring.

6. “loved poker, craft beer, cigars, hanging with his rowdy friends, video games…”

Wedding videographer here: I try to get to know both people beforehand, so I can work in their hobbies/unique traits into my product. A big red flag is when one person is clearly trying to change the other.

I had one dude who loved poker, craft beer, cigars, hanging with his rowdy friends, video games, etc. I planned a cool shoot where I had all his friends in an old west saloon, and he sees his bride to be, etc… but she steps in and declares “oh, he won’t be doing any of those things any more.”

Poor bastard just sat there in silence as I awkwardly had to plan them shopping for a Yorkie puppy instead. Half way through post production after the wedding, he called and said he was getting an annulment. I wanted to say “could have told ya so!” But I try to stay neutral.

Green flags are just the opposite. Embracing the other person’s habbits/hobbies/interests, basically not being a controlling freakshow.

7. “They got divorced about a year later.”

Ex wedding photographer.

Typically I saw red flags when the bride or groom is super quiet. I mean silent and just watching.

One instance was a groom who barely said ten words to anyone during the ceremony or reception afterwards. The bride and her mother were extremely loud and excited the entire time. The bride needed everything to be “perfect”. I dropped off the photo bundle with them two weeks later and he was still quiet. She however complained about all of the pictures because the groom wasn’t “smiling enough”. She wanted a discount because I couldn’t make him look happy enough.

They got divorced about a year later. I know because I did his engagement photos with his new fiancée about four years after his first wedding. His engagement photos showed him much happier.

Edit: I stopped doing weddings but I do some portraits and mostly commercial and product work.

He called me for a wedding quote but I had stopped doing them at that point. I do still do portraits so I offered to do engagement photos for him that he was happy with.

8. “We did not get a 5-star review.”

Wedding band guitar player here.

Drunken gorilla-sized groom physically attacked us when we cut off the music after already going over our contracted time an hour. Mother of the groom got into the mix and pulled him back. Bride was in tears. Best man pulled out a Bluetooth speaker and kept the party going. We did not get a 5 star review.

So that was a red flag.

They lasted a few months.

9. “She was in a mickey mouse t-shirt at that time…”

I am/was a wedding photographer: I think you can kind of tell if they are going to stay together forever based on how they handle all the little (and sometimes even big) problems a wedding day can bring.

There was one couple’s story I love to tell. They are not your typical bride and groom, they had their wedding in a forest where you could also go climbing (sorry don’t know what they are called) with a big wooden house and fireplace in front. All vegan food and a lot of friends with lots of dogs. Everything was perfect, except the special dress the bride had have made and painted didn’t arrive in time for the ceremony and she was devastated.

She was in her sweatpants and a mickey mouse tshirt at that time and her soon-to-be-husband took off his suit, put on a big white shirt, stood there in his boxer shorts and just said “well, we have to go” (cause the ceremony-person had to leave an hour later) and she just laughed and went with it. I was in shock but other than it being strange to have hairy man-legs in my wedding photos, taking the pictures was really fun and they were totally relaxed. I’m pretty sure they will be doing well.

10. “He was absolutely heartbroken.”

And I have to tell this one too…I didn’t need a sixth sense when I heard that on their honeymoon, the bride cheated on the groom, so the grooms parents didn’t want the photos OR the video I had shot. Instead they wanted me to sue her for the remainder of the money they owed me. I told them I was sorry but they signed the contract so they had to pay.

The bride was a total bitch to him all day at the wedding. It was no surprise she did this. He was absolutely heartbroken.

And yes, they sent me a check for the remainder, and I still have all the photos, developed and collecting dust in a pile still in the lab bag I brought them home in. This was in 2003, and I can’t bring myself to throw them away.

The best part? The groom called me two years later to do his wedding photos and video because he was getting married again. I was all set to do it, and then the new fiancé pulled the plug. Turns out she didn’t want any memories of the first wedding being involved. So I was fired as soon as I was hired.

11. “Everyone is drinking. Knocking back shots.”

I am a videographer. Most weddings we video are fairly smooth. Couple is happy. Family cries tears of joy. Lots of laughter. That bit. We did film one wedding that seemed fine right up until the aisle walk.

We video the bride and groom prep. They have two suites—one for the ladies and one for the gentlemen. My partner and I were having an easy time running back and forth. Everyone is drinking. Not light beer either. I mean knocking back shots. Empty bottles everywhere. Offering us rounds too as they go by. Everyone is pretty carefree, upbeat, and ready to party, the bride and groom most of all. This is going to be the easiest wedding we film. Or so we thought.

Now everyone is seated in the ceremony hall. Groom and all his men are up front with the officiant. Bride’s Maids start walking down the aisle. All beautiful. The bride walks in with her father. At this point I’m filming the groom and his reaction. We get a wide shot because we can always zoom in during post. My partner is recording the groom and her father. I see the best man in my viewfinder pull out a flask from his jacket pocket—the rest of the men do the same except Groom.

So this is clearly planned.

The best man speaks loud enough over the music so people turn to him away from the Bride. He raises his glass high and shouts “Here’s to Bride Name, here’s to Groom Name; may you never disagree. But if you do…” He points at the bride with his flask hand and finishes “FUCK YOU, here’s to Groom Name.”

They all drink to their frat boy toast. The best man hands the Groom his flask and he drinks it laughing!!

I have never watched a video more than I have the reaction of the Bride and her father. Jaw dropped speechless. The ceremony went on. And it’s not done. The officiant asks the Bride “do you take Groom yadda yadda…” and she surprisingly, yet weakly, says yes. The officiant asks the same of the Groom and instead of just saying yes, he screams “Fuck da fuck yeah I do!!” Bride just face palms herself in embarrassment.

The look of disgust on her whole family’s face the entire night after that was priceless and highly awkward to film. I could go on with more stories about this wedding, but this just about the bride and groom. Needless to say I think that’s a big red flag.

TL;DR Best man raises his flask as Bride is walking down the aisle and says “here’s to Bride, here’s to Groom, may you never disagree, but if you do, fuck you *pointing at bride* heres to Groom.” All groom’s men drink from flasks including the Groom.

12. “…smashed the cake…”

Photographer here.

I swear that all of the couples that have split up have smashed the cake in their SOs face. None of the nice cake couples have. Just my weird anecdotal experience.

Maybe it’s a sign of respect for each other.

13. “what he wrote was not exactly Shakespeare…”

Former wedding videographer. When doing the letter read the bride at the end said which I quote “well that was fucking stupid”.

I cut that part out in the final video.

Let me clarify what im referring to. The couple reads their letter from their partner prior to the wedding. She just got done reading the grooms letter and was talking about what he wrote.

To be fair, what he wrote was not exactly Shakespeare but still a harsh response.

14. “Our team can hear them yelling at each other half a mile away…”

Wedding videographer here.

Had a couple fly us out to Iceland for their engagement shoot. Now the first couple of days were fine and everything looked okay, but in Iceland, some lodging options aren’t very luxurious. The groom chose to book what was essentially a tiny bunk house (the ones meant for those summer camps) and the bride lost it and complained the whole night.

Next morning things are pretty tense and our team continues the shoot as planned even though it is incredibly awkward. Most of our plans fall through because they start arguing.

In front of a beautiful, solitary glacier.

For two hours.

Our team can hear them yelling at each other half a mile away because there is literally no one else around for miles.

We finish up whatever we could of the last day of the shoot and awkwardly said our goodbyes.

Later on I learn that they broke up a month before the wedding.

15. “…look past his soon to be wife and wink at me…”

Red flag: The groom winking at both my assistant and I during the ceremony.

He was not winking in the sense that he might have been tearing up or had something in his eye but there was a part in the ceremony where the couple sat down and he would lean his head back in his chair look past his soon to be wife and wink at me or look over his left shoulder and wink at my assistant.

It was bizarre.

16. “…biggest sign is the cake cutting.”

Photographer here: to me the biggest sign is the cake cutting. Some people like to smear the cake everywhere as a joke, some people don’t. Usually the couple is in sync about this. They know what the other would like and they don’t smush cake on the others face if they wouldn’t want that.

Sometimes one of them (usually the groom) will force cake all over the others face and embarrass and upset them. I’ve seen this happen a handful of times and all of those relationships that I have kept up with have ended in a divorce.

17. “I think that’s a good indicator…”

Photographer here.

You can tell somewhat based on how the couple treats each other on the wedding day.

If they are respectful toward one another (and toward me) during a day full of stress then I think that’s a good indicator of being able to deal with other problems that may arise during a marriage.

18. “Dad did it anyway, mom smacked him across the face…”

Not a wedding photographer, but my parent’s wedding video is a tell-all story.

At the cake cutting, my mom had specifically asked my dad not to put cake on her face (which is usually a tradition).

Dad did it anyway, mom smacked him across the face, dad said “fuck this” and stormed out of the reception.

They had a twenty year rocky marriage of lies and infidelity, and are finally officially divorced.

They are much better off now. The cake cutting really seems to be a good rule of thumb for a relationship.

19. “Then we had to photoshop a smile onto the groom…”

My husband and I are wedding photographers. We’ve been pretty lucky so far and haven’t had too many crazies. We have stayed friends with a few of the couples and see them regularly.

The one couple we hope we never see again fought the entire wedding day. The couple barely looked at each other, it was so bad. Then we had to photoshop a smile onto the groom a couple of times so he at least looked happy in the ceremony of all things. To describe what he looked like, I would compare him to a Polish meat butcher with transitions lensed glasses. Totally brutal. I have no idea if they are together still but I would say not.

20. “She wanted a cake like a castle…”

Cake artist here. I had a couple come in for a tasting. Appointment was for 7 PM, but he was late. First half hour was just her. She told me they met at a stable where they both kept their horses. Those horses were going to be featured at the wedding as the bride and groom would ride them to the site (a beautiful farm venue.)

She described in detail her self-designed medieval gown, flower wreath in her hair, embroidered shoes like some from a museum: sounded lovely. She wanted a cake like a castle, which was a specialty of mine. The whole wedding would be over the top, but not in a cringey way.

Then he arrives. Barely says Hi to her, sits down and starts telling me about his wedding. He’ll ride in dressed as a riverboat gambler with a frock coat, brocade vest, string tie, big hat, gold pocket watch, and STERLING SILVER SPURS! He’s fine with the castle cake, but wants to incorporate the watch and a pair of mother of pearl handled pistols (picture given).

I had already decided that I was not going to work with them. NO way could I come up with a cake that would work for them. But they were there so I brought out the samples. For the next hour they carried on two entirely separate monologues. They didn’t address each other (or me) and they didn’t listen to each other (or me).

I made no attempt to book them that night, and when they called later in the week I told them their date had been taken. They were living in 2 incompatible and entirely self contained fantasies. I doubt they even made it to the wedding day.

Honestly, it’s good most of these people figured out quickly that they weren’t right for each other.

Do you really want to spend your life with somebody you don’t like?

No. No you don’t.

The post 20 Wedding Pros Share the Huge Red Flags That End Marriages appeared first on UberFacts.

These Panoramic Animal Fails Are So Awful, They’re Awesome

As much as I’ve loved using the panoramic photo feature on my cellphone camera. It’s great for taking pictures of epic sunsets and majestic mountain vistas. But what if your subject, like, say, a dog, is a little more active than a sunset?

These awesome panoramic shots of our furry friends will have you wondering if a new species is among us.

1. Loooong neck Giraffe

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

2. Hydra Hound

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

3. Bird Dog?

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

4. Sandworm…cat

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

5. The quietest dog you’ll ever meet

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

6. Centipede puppy

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

7. Cartoon dog comes to life

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

8. Snuffleupa-pup

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

9. Disappearing kitty

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

10. Crocodog

Photo Credit: Bored Panda

Careful with those Panoramic settings or you might discover a new species.

The post These Panoramic Animal Fails Are So Awful, They’re Awesome appeared first on UberFacts.

This Guy Should Win the Award for “Worst Straight-Dude Tinder Bio”

I think we can all agree that dating today is a challenge. We’re busy, it’s impossible to meet people, and dating apps can be superficial and depressing. Of course, there are decent people out there, and some of them are even on Tinder.

But not this guy.

Twitter user @TheDreamGhoul shared this winner’s bio:

Photo Credit: Twitter

Holy smokes. There’s so much to unpack here. First, let’s look at the full, expanded list:

Photo Credit: Twitter

Okay, so reducing people to a score out of 20 is a great strategy for an online quiz, not for screening people to date. This fine fellow is also making superficial things such as putting on make-up and having “way too many clothes” a high priority. I know, everyone is entitled to their preferences, but…wut?

Anyway, Twitter had fun with this one. Here’s someone mocking the idea of putting on a face:

Photo Credit: Twitter

This person who got a ridiculously high score:

Photo Credit: Twitter

However, his approach is time-saving:

Photo Credit: Twitter

I think this is my favorite reply, though:

Photo Credit: Twitter

I sincerely hope Roz signs up for Tinder.

The post This Guy Should Win the Award for “Worst Straight-Dude Tinder Bio” appeared first on UberFacts.

14 Employees Who Should Have Definitely Gotten Fired But Miraculously Didn’t

Somebody on Reddit asked this question: “What is the biggest “oh fuck, I’m dead” thing you’ve done at work, but nobody ever found out?”

Thousands answered, and we combed through the best to share them with you.

1. “I was essentially trapped at work…”

Had a truck turn up 15 minutes before the end of the day and in my rush/pure fucking anger to just get him unloaded ASAP so I could go home I drove through the roller shutter doors as they were still opening and “caught” them with the top of the mast.

I got the guy unloaded and on his way and tried to lock up hoping to explain it all away the following day.

The door was that bent it wouldn’t lock, as it wouldn’t lock I couldn’t set the alarms, I was essentially trapped at work and now an hour late from leaving.

In a moment of pure desperation I lifted the doors again and drove into them from the other side bending them enough to lock them up, set the alarms and get home.

I’d hit them a little too hard so they were now bent inwards and the bosses assumed someone had reversed into them during the night – the estate we were on was a notorious cruising spot for the local boy racers and there was always tyre marks or bits of car scattered round the place so they got the blame

2. “…the only way to activate a multi-million dollar security technology system.”

Lost a key dongle that was worth $32k.

This was 15ish years ago in a different state and career. The dongle looked basically like a USB thumb drive was was the only way to activate a multi-million dollar security technology system for a hospital in a big city.

The thing is, I was 100% sure I never had it and that it was missing from the packaging from the manufacture. Everyone I worked with also was not sure they ever saw it too. I was distraught and sick to my stomach at the possibility I screwed up somehow on something so stupid and cost costly but ended up being convinced we never received it.

The owner of the company I worked for and our lawyers had to get involved with the vendor to make an agreement with them to send us a replacement for a relatively small fee. I’m not positive after all these years on this cost but think it was around $5k.

No one was happy but we needed it and it was done.

Fast forward to years later. I’m living in a different state, now married and working for a different company in a different field and I decide I want to use the backpack I used to use at the old job where the dongle was lost. I still had some stuff in it so I clean it out, turn it upside down and shake it and hear something rattling around.

In the bottom of the big compartment of the bag, it looks like a solid piece. I dig my fingers around it and was surprised to find it was a flap. I open the flap and HOLY SHIT its the mother f’ing missing $32k dongle!

I was shocked and for a second, felt so damn guilty. But then I just laughed as it was already taken care of and years in the past. Still feel like a shithead thinking about it all these years later just a little bit.

3. “I left Gwar, Meat Sandwich, as our only muzak…”

Gwar.

Our muzak hold crap system was out of whack, so since I’m IT, I was tasked to fix it. Stupid proprietary audio files, stupid codecs, stupid hold music.

To pass the time, I ripped a gwar cd that I recieved as a gag gift a million years ago to the proprietary format and amused myself by throwing “Meat Sandwich” on loop for testing.

Finally got everything working, called it a night and went home for the rest of the weekend.

Monday morning, around 11am, I get a call. “Hi, Coyote? I think our muzak system is still broken. People are complaining about the songs and the sound?”

What? WHAT? Call my work into question? I tested it MYSELF. I personally made sure the audio format was working with my OWN MUSIC and…

…and…

….and fuck.

I left Gwar, Meat Sandwich, as our only muzak for hold for our entire company.

I ran to the Datacenter, put everything back to default and the told them that it was “crossing channels” or some bullshit and everything was fine.

But we open at 6am. So for 5 glorious hours, Meat Sandwich was the music playing after the soft voiced woman told you to “Please Hold”.

4. “It was made out of diamonds or gold or something else fucked up.”

It was university.

They had this really expensive piece of equipment and I can’t remember exactly what it measured, or how it worked.

What I remember is this: you completed a “circuit” to power the thing, meaning you plugged a wire into 5volts or whatever came out of the wall, and another wire into the ground, and plugged both of them into the device (alligator clips baby).

What you got out of the wall was wayyyyyyyy too much current, so you had to put a resister between the wire from the wall and the device

The thing cost something ridiculous like 25k at the time. It was made out of diamonds or gold or something else fucked up.

Anyways, I got really pissed at my lab partner, just took over the experiment. And plugged the thing directly into the wall without a resister…

I basically fried the thing in a second.

I smelt burning and could see smoke come out of it immediately and knew exactly what I’d done.

As I literally thought “Oh fuck, I’m dead” and started realizing the gravity of my actions, this dude in a huge ass trench coat thing walks by my lab table, gets his coat caught in it and pulls the thing off the table. It lands on the ground and smashes into a million pieces.

Dude was walking with the guy who ran the labs, and that dude loses it on him.

I just sat in silence. I felt guilty but like I dodged the biggest bullet of my life.

I didn’t know definitively that I’d broke it, but I knew definitively that that dude had.

And I was too much of a coward to say anything.

5. “…my hot acid puke punched right through the bag and into my lap.”

It was the night before I was scheduled to have a tense meeting with my boss and a client. The meeting was supposed to be a sort of “peace talk” because of tension growing between my staff and the client who was an emotional and difficult person to work with. The night before my wife and I opened a bottle of wine with dinner and managed to finish it off before bed. This didn’t seem like too much at the time but the next morning I woke up sicker than I have ever been.

I still had this difficult meeting so I got up got dressed managed to choke down some Advil and a glass of water. The minute I get on the highway to work I feel my stomach twisting. There is nothing between where I am now and where my office is except highway with almost no shoulder.

Half way to work I feel that feeling in my throat, like a tightening, and my bowels are starting to make terrible noises. I realize I am going to throw up and look around my car for anything to throw up in. I spot McDonalds bag is on the floor so I grab it.

Hoping I don’t need to use it I speed up trying to get to my exit so I can pull over and ralph.

No dice.

I held the bag up to my mouth going 85 MPH and throw up red wine into the McDonalds bag which had the strength of tissue paper because my hot acid puke punched right through the bag and into my lap.

By some miracle I had extra business slacks in my car. I stopped at a gas station and changed in the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and a haggard sallow man with flop sweat and sunken eyes stared back at me. Even with the wardrobe change I smelled faintly of booze and vomit. I went to the meeting and my boss noticed something was up. He rescheduled with the client telling me “I don’t think you’re up to it this morning”.

I for sure thought he was going to fire me for being a huge drunk but nothing happened.

I don’t drink wine anymore.

6. “Went home. Ate pizza. Couple hours go by.”

I was to supposed to meet a client outside of work to discuss a business opportunity.

Got permission to leave work early to go to an arranged meeting with the customer. I went on auto-pilot as soon as I started driving from work. Forgot about the meeting. Picked up a pizza. Went home. Ate pizza. Couple hours go by.

OH SHIT!

I didn’t have a phone number for the customer, so I never called or anything, just no-call no-showed on the customer.

Customer never said anything. Manager never asked about it.

7. “My life flashes before my eyes.”

Okay so I’m running a summer camp and half way through the day I’m comparing our bus attendance to the group attendance and I notice there is a little girl who was marked as being on the bus but not in her group. I go and check the group, no sign of her.

Other groups, nope.

No one has seen this six year old girl and we are out in bumble fuck nowhere and I am losing my shit. I have lost a child. We’re gonna get so fired and gonna need to call the cops and they’re gonna have to search the woods.

My life flashes before my eyes.

After fifteen minutes of oh my god my life is over my coworker pulls up with the news that she spoke to the girls mom and she did not come to camp that day at all, the bus attendance was an error. I was five minutes from calling my boss and instead I collapsed in the dirt with relief and tried not to cry.

Holy fuck.

8. “….we only have one kid.”

Summer martial arts camp, probably 10+ years ago. Several times a day, the entire camp would be called to line up on the gymnasium floor. Roughly 50-75 kids, probably in rows of 8, spaces with about 5 feet between each kid, all nice and orderly.

For the most part, everybody knew exactly where and which spot to line up on. It was pretty meticulous laid out, and we would spend 20 or 30 minutes on the very first day, making sure each and every person knew specifically which spot to line up on.

One day, lineup is called for lunch or something. Whistle blows, mob of kids come crashing from all around. Kids take their spots, settle in, counselors are talking, telling them what’s for lunch, somebody is probably walking through the rows of kids with a giant bottle of hand sanitizer spritzing each pair of outstretched hands. Suddenly somebody noticed an empty spot. They turned to the next kid over who was quite young (probably 7 ish) and asked who stands there. “Oh, that’s my brother”. “Well where is he??” “I dunno..”.

So they proceed to tear the whole place apart.

Swimming pool???!? Check. Bathrooms? Check. Girls bunk? Check. Kitchen? Check. Showers? Check.

You name it, they searched there, twice. Finally they have to call the parents and tell them that they LOST one of their kids.

How do the parents respond?

“….we only have one kid.”

Oh yeah, kid forgot to mention that his brother was IMAGINARY.

9. “…20 minutes later walking in the back to ankle deep water.”

I used to work for a big box pet store taking care of the animals that lived in the store. There was a rotation of the animals getting their accessories changed out and cleaned (i.e. water bottles, food bowls, plastic huts) every day. So each day the morning person cleaned that day’s habitats and the closer did the “dishes” in the sink and set them to dry and be put back in rotation for use.

It was sometimes difficult to complete any of these tasks while also dealing with customers. The sink we did dishes in was very deep and company policy stated that the dishes had to soak in a cleaning solution for a certain amount of time so it took a long time to fill up the sink with the solution to soak everything.

It was common to turn the water on to fill up the sink and go see if anyone needed help in the store while you waited.

Not long after I started working there I was performing this task and got pulled into a long conversation with a customer. Normally I’d duck in the back and turn off the faucet if I thought the conversation would take a while, but this night I just completely forgot the sink was on. Cue like 20 minutes later walking in the back to ankle deep water. The sink had overflowed and was filling the back space. The door had a rubber stopper at the bottom keeping it from going into the store

I took a squeegee thing and started herding the water into a drain on the floor on the back side of the fish wall but it took a long time. I was so frantic and still had to pay attention to customers out on the floor. Luckily no one else ever went into the back unless you worked in that department and I was working alone. So I managed to herd most of the water into the fish drain and the rest dried over night before the opener came in. No one ever knew I flooded the back space.

Few months later I realized flooding was a common occurrence and my manager flooded it at least once a year.

10. “We call it the doom button…”

I auto-archived 2500 records from our database with one button push. This removed them from active status and cancelled any associated reservations and services.

I had to click into each record and reinstate it. Took me 6 hours.

I admitted my folly at the next team meeting to ensure no one else had to go through the sheer butt puckering terror I did when those records disappeared. We call it the doom button now. Why there is a doom button I have no idea.

11. “…forklift tine and punched it all the way through her tailgate!!!”

When I was 18 I worked for Menards (like Home Depot). It was a small store with an outside yard that you couldn’t drive into so we would pick what you wanted with a forklift and load the customers out in the parking lot.

So this lady came in to pick up a bunch of special order bricks. I loaded two pallets of bricks into the back of her very nice new truck, she signed the paperwork and the transaction was done…. Until I sat in the forklift filling out my part of the paperwork and she backed into a forklift tine and punched it all the way through her tailgate!!!

I was 100% in the wrong as anyone who has ever driven a forklift knows that unless you are actively using the lift, you keep the tines on the ground if you’re parked, and a couple inches above while driving.

I had seen a guy get fired once for driving over a piece of cardboard instead of stopping to pick it up, so I was beyond screwed… but she just put it in drive and took off. She didn’t even look back at me. I expected that she was going to pull up to the front of the store to report it, but she just left. As far as I know she never reported it, and no one ever knew it happened.

That was 21 years ago and I think about that incident pretty often.

12. “…the captain made a wrong turn onto a narrow taxiway…”

When I was a brand new airline pilot we landed at an airport that required a long taxi back to the terminal. During the taxi the captain made a wrong turn onto a narrow taxiway that led to a small private hangar. As soon as he made the turn we knew it was the wrong taxiway, but it was very narrow with trees on both sides so there was no way to turn around. I had no idea how we were going to deal with this.

He thought for a minute, then said, “McGonogle, can you see the tower from here?”

I looked. “Nope.”

“Good. Then they can’t see us.”

With that, he reversed both engines and slowly backed onto the main taxiway. I guess the passengers thought it was normal because no one asked any questions and we never heard anything about it.

13. “…paperclip flew right over the small wall and hit a customer right in the head…”

when I was about 17 I used to internship at a bank through a school program. It was a small business bank so there wasn’t any glass like you see at big banks. The set up was 4 desks lined up next to each other with small walls separating them almost cubicle style but shorter. My desk was all the way at the end next to the wall.

Anyways, so I’m sitting at my desk bored one day with nothing to do so I grab a paperclip and start flicking it paper football style at the wall separating my desk and the one next to it. Ever ytime it bounced back I would flick it again.

Well one time I flicked it a little too hard and the paperclip flew right over the small wall and hit a customer right in the head that was waiting to be attended.

My heart sank and so did my head down to the desk as I tried to go unnoticed in hopes that they wouldnt know who did it. Looking back it was probably obvious that the 16 y/o boy was the one flicking paperclips and not the 40+ old ladies next to him.

Luckily I don’t think the customer knew what hit her and I was never blamed for it.

14. “I never had to fess up to my boss…

Working at a high end tour company, I backed a bus hitch into a guest’s BMW. Broke one of their tail lamps.

I picked up all the plastic remnants from the ground and taped a note to their window to find me when they returned from their tour to discuss the damage and go speak to the owner with me about insurance, etc.

I’d been breaking down my trip to make way for the next bus arriving, so I hadn’t had a chance to go tell my boss before they returned. The guest came and found me, laughing. Said someone had hit it a few weeks prior and it was already being processed through the insurance of the other person who had hit him, and not to worry about it.

He hadn’t realized that I’d done additional damage because it was the same tail light, nothing else was damaged and I’d picked up all the broken pieces from the ground, so it didn’t look that bad compared to what damage had already existed.

I never had to fess up to my boss about the incident and learned to never attempt to park the bus near the fancy cars again.

Wow!

The post 14 Employees Who Should Have Definitely Gotten Fired But Miraculously Didn’t appeared first on UberFacts.

Teachers Share the Moment They Knew They Had to Quit

Being a teacher is a hard job, and often a thankless one.

And sometimes the stress and headaches just get to be too much. Teachers of AskReddit shared the stories about how they finally decided they had to quit.

1. Didn’t last long

“I taught middle school science in a small rural district in southern Illinois. The superintendent made a position for his wife in our cash-strapped system. Due to scheduling, it moved me out of a job that I loved, into teaching second grade. I lasted 8 days.

When the superintendent called me to tell me that I was moving, he told me not to get the union involved or fight it. I did give him a piece of my mind while on the phone, and I heard rumors that the move was coming so I made plans to leave.

If people ask me why I left, I just tell them that education has gone from making people learners to too focused on test scores. Students lack critical thinking skills.

I quit for about 1.5 years and went to work at a car manufacturing company. I left there, just wasn’t my thing. And now I’m teaching middle school science in a different district.”

2. Career change

“Good timing. I’ve been teaching high school for about four years. I’ve found the work incredibly gratifying in some ways, but I’ve never been all that happy. I start a new job after Christmas break. My kids don’t know that I won’t be teaching them next semester. :/

Stuff I like:

I really, truly love helping kids learn. I love seeing them discover or rediscover a love for reading and writing.

I’m proud that my students feel safe and cared about when they’re in my room. Some of my best teaching moments have nothing to do with my subject area, but instead come from being that “trusted adult” that’s there for students who are going through tough times and need someone to care about them. I have a drawer full of notes and letters students have written me – I cry every time I look through them.

I’ve worked on two campuses and student taught at a third, and for the most part, I’ve enjoyed the people I’ve worked with.

Obviously, the time off is sweet. Having summers and breaks is super nice.

I don’t think there was a single “straw that broke the camel’s back,” but here are some things that led to be wanting to switch professions:

Not enough planning time. Like, not even close to enough. You get one class period a day, which is often eaten up with all sorts of meetings (504/SST/ARD/etc). I get to work early every day, stay after really late, and I still end up having to grade/lesson plan on the weekend.

Horrible work/life balance. I give a lot to my kids – but someone is always there asking for more. Volunteer on weekends for this or that, sponsor this club, come to sports events, etc. After about a year of teaching I realized that I had stopped having any real life outside of school.

State testing. I’m lucky to work in a district that doesn’t harp on it like others do, but when the test is getting close, it’s all anyone can talk about. It’s not an accurate way to measure student growth and it has a tendency to suck out any natural curiosity kids have about learning. Want to ruin how a person feels about reading and writing for the rest of their lives? Shove standardized test prep down their throats for two months.

Being a performer every day is exhausting. I’m basically not allowed to have a bad day, because the kids need me every day. Also, dealing with subs is THE WORST. I usually go to work even when I feel awful (as long as I’m not contagious), because coming up with sub plans and dealing with the fallout of the kids who don’t know how to behave with someone else in the room is not worth it.

There’s not a lot of room to grow in your career. I knew I didn’t want to be an administrator, so I very quickly felt like I was stuck. I saw old timer teachers around that just seemed beaten down and depressed after 30+ years of teaching, and I didn’t want to end up like that.

The paperwork. I spend so so so so much time dealing with SPED accommodations/504 forms/etc., it’s just unreal.

What it really boils down to, is that it’s impossible for me to be good at my job in every way I’d like to be. I can either 1) plan good lessons that engage the kids, 2) give useful feedback on student work, 3) be a paperwork superstar, or 4) be a teacher that’s involved with extracurricular activities. But I can’t do all of them at the same time, or even most of them. I know I’m a good teacher. My evaluators at each campus I’ve been on have uniformly loved me. I know I’ve been a good influence on many of my students. But I always, always, always, feel like I’m not doing my job good enough. I’m always behind. I have to pick what I think is most important, and just deal with the fallout of not doing the other stuff that well. It’s draining and depressing.

Oh, and cellphones. I know it’s not just a problem for kids, but we’re in the midst of a serious technology addiction problem. Many students are straight up incapable of carrying on a conversation, even with their friends, without staring at their phones every few seconds. Focusing on anything that requires brainpower is legitimately out of the question for some of them. It makes teaching frustrating when you feel like you’re giving it your all, and you look around and realize that some (it’s always just some, but sometimes it feels like most/all) of them would prefer shitposting memes and snapchatting with their friends.

Again, I love my kids, and there’s a lot that I love about teaching, but I have had plenty of moments where I look around the room and think to myself, “fine, fuck this. If you don’t care about your own learning, why should I? Have fun reading and writing like first graders for the rest of your adult lives.” For example, I have one student who has had a seriously horrible life. It breaks my heart, and I’ve spent a lot of my time this year working with him directly, trying to build him up. He’s a “trouble maker” and mouths off and has gotten in plenty of fights. The in-district alternative school won’t take him because of his violent history. This kid desperately needs help and some kind of life path.

He expressed interest in a specific trade, so the administration jumped through hoops to get him into a program that would, for free, enable him to learn that trade and graduate with some kind of certificate or licence. He got kicked out of the program after less than a month because he ignored class and played on his phone all day, so he never even learned the required safety guidelines that he needed to know to operate the equipment he was supposedly interested in learning about. Teens, especially teen boys, have undoubtedly ALWAYS had problems with executive functioning, but cell phones take that natural weakness and turn it into a gaping, infected, life threatening wound.

I knew going into the job that most teachers quit less than five years in. I thought I could handle it. I wasn’t in it for money or glory or recognition. But even in a good district and school, the deck is so stacked against you. I’m not looking forward to telling my kids that I won’t be their teacher next semester. Some of them will be mad, and some will probably cry. I will likely get embarrassingly emotional when I tell them myself. But teaching feels like being in an abusive relationship, and I’m ready to walk away from it.”

3. Walked out

“Crappy, selfish, ignorant staff. They were always bad, but tolerable. My last group refused to do much of anything and bullied me mercilessly. The last straw was when one refused to move to a different classroom and verbally attacked me over it. As if it were my fault. The move was in the best interest of the child.

I basically walked out and my bosses were completely understanding as they saw what I’d been dealing with for ten years. This was a special education room with children with profound disabilities that required a lot of care. I’d been teaching 18 years. Residential facility.”

4. Cliques

“The other teachers were gossipy and cliquey like they had never graduated high school (I started teaching at 30 after having worked in different types of jobs). They talked sh*t about each other all the time. The one teacher they all told me to avoid turned about to be the only teacher I could stand. Like me, she also worked “in the real world.”

The principal wanted me to lower my standards (which were exactly the state standards for that class. Nothing higher) because “they didn’t grow up talking about Shakespeare at the dinner table, like you.” Umm neither of my parents graduated high school so I don’t know why he assumed I was in some over educated household just because I had a few degrees. He was also just a major asshole. (He later was demoted from principal back to a teacher because he was terrible).

The students were okay, but I couldn’t stand the other teachers.”

5. I’m out

“I had a severe ear infection and temporarily lost my hearing for 3 days.

Tried to push through it for the first day but realised that not being able to hear the 30 9-year-olds in my class made teaching them pretty difficult.

I took 2 days off and sent highly detailed plans to the supply who was covering me. This was the only time I took off for the whole year.

I return to work to no less than 10 complaints. Apparently my sick leave was ‘incredibly selfish’ as having a different teacher for 2 days was ‘very confusing’ for the poor darlings, who couldn’t cope.

The Head teacher backed me up and told them to, respectfully, f*ck off but that was very much the last straw.

I’m bending over backwards working weekends and evenings for you and your kid but you can’t afford me a little human decency? I’m out.”

6. Not gonna happen

“Friend of mine quit on the spot when he was asked to change a student’s grade.

The kid missed over 50% of the classes, never handed in homework, did poorly on tests, etc, and ended up failing the class. He truly earned his failing grade. Because his father was an influential member of the school board/generous donor/blah blah blah, they “couldn’t” let the kid have a failing grade on his record.

Summer school was also not an option because the family had already scheduled a vacation during the time that summer classes would be in session. So, the principal told my buddy that he had to change the student’s grade to a passing grade.

My buddy told the principal he would absolutely not sign off on that, and if it was so important to him, to change the grade himself. He then. said “if you do change it, don’t expect to see me back here in September.” Sure enough, the grade got changed, and my buddy packed up his shit and left.”

7. Wild

“My 6th grade substitute science teacher quit in the middle of class. We were wild and unruly. Totally out of control. I watched him rub his forehead in frustration and he stands up, yells “F*CK EVERY ONE OF YOU!”, grabs his briefcase and walks out. It wasn’t singularly my fault but I still feel really bad about it. I’m sorry, Mr. Messina.”

8. Figuratively died

“I was teaching journalism in college.

A student handed in an article, which was supposed to go in a newspaper, that included no research and multiple emoticons.

Emoticons. This was before Buzzfeed.

So I gave the paper an F, and said come talk to me about this. I explained in short form why journalism exists, why it is important, and that his worst grade is dropped so this doesn’t have to hurt him. Hell, I would accept a redo.

The student in question was an athlete in a big state school for throwing balls fast.

I got shit from the dean of students, my department chair, other professorial types. Why wouldn’t I let it go? Was I racist or hate sports or what?

I just wanted him to try a little harder at the thing that was his college major. I used to pick my words so meticulously because communication is so important.

I held to my ethics, he got a tutor after a couple weeks, but it broke me. My mom had died less than a month prior and I had to explain to a college dean why “lol ;)” in the context of a journalistic article about a bar was unacceptable.

My father spent years learning English, and speaks it better than I do. This motherfucker threw balls fast and because of that I was supposed to pass him without question. Let’s go football, but between that and mom dying I could not go on. I figuratively died in that meeting.”

9. Breakdown

“Had a mental breakdown, brought about by stress: curriculum changes, meaning that low ability pupils were constant told that they were not good enough; less money meaning redundancies. Then the pressure of performance related pay with same said disinterested and low ability children. It was either leave teaching or commit suicide. Very supportive family and well paid partner meant that I could stop.”

10. Future felon

“Two things happened at once. After 4 years of teaching seventh grade:

A girl who complained to me for an entire semester of being harassed/groped brought a pocket knife to school and threatened a boy with it if he grabbed her breast again. SHE was expelled. I reported the incidents to administrators, school resource officers, and guidance counselors. They ignored her, me, and her other two teachers until she became that desperate for him to stop. Assholes.

Also, a “troubled” student (read: future felon, now a current felon) saw me walking from the convenience store with my goddaughter. He followed us and found my house. Started riding by, throwing stuff in my yard, yelling obscenities, etc. School resource officer said to go to the police; they said to go go him.

Final straw: he climbed on my fence and shot my dog with a paintball gun. I threatened to quit on the spot so they moved him from my class. Then over Christmas break, he stabbed and ruined my inflatable decorations.

I finished the year and was done. The girl from the first story homeschooled to finish high school, went to college, and just started her P.A. program. The future felon became an actual felon at 18, and is still in jail. Go figure.”

The post Teachers Share the Moment They Knew They Had to Quit appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Times Things Went WAY Better Than They Should Have

“Well, isn’t that convenient?” How many times have you said that in your life?

Sometimes the universe just seems to be looking out for you. These AskReddit folks shared the most convenient things that ever happened to them.

1. That worked out

“Was overseas for a conference and I had taken a tour on the weekend before it, and met some peeps. One was a group from America and the other a girl from Germany. As the tour wound down I gave out my email address and told them to contact me so we could do something the following day.

The next day I go have lunch with the Americans first, and I’m on a train back in the direction I’m staying in, but wasn’t too sure around public transport at the time. I get a call from the German girl who asks if I’d like to have coffee with her in a certain suburb. As she says that I look up, the train door opens and it has the suburb name on the wall. I climb off the train, walk out the station and she’s right there.”

2. Cruisin’

“In 2010 my dad was at a hotel across the state. Two things you need to know about my dad: he is always hot, and he is very stubborn. So he goes to open the window in his hotel room but it was jammed and wouldn’t open. So he yanked on it until he popped a tendon in his arm. He went to the hospital and got rushed back to our city, it was a big deal because if he didn’t have surgery within 72 hours he would likely lose use of his arm.

But he got the surgery, workman’s comp paid for it because he had been on a business trip, and all was well. But then the hotel called, saying they wanted to compensate him so that he wouldn’t sue. My dad assured them he is not the suing type, he recognized it was his own fault, etc., and even offered to sign something saying he wouldn’t sue, but they were insistent on providing compensation. So finally, my dad told them he wouldn’t even know what to ask for.

The hotel, who was affiliated with Holland America Cruise Lines, replied and said: “how about a free cruise for four anywhere Holland America sails, and $10000 to get you to the location of the port?” So he said… yeah okay.

So the summer before my senior year of high school, me, my parents, and my best friend went on a Mediterranean cruise that went through Spain, Monaco, Italy, Greece, and Croatia, and the cruise/travel cost us nothing. It was f*cking amazing.”

3. I believe

“Once I was about to get a haircut which would have cost me £9, however I only had £7 as I spend £3 earlier that day. Now I had to get this haircut otherwise I would have been killed by my mum as she is the one who gave me the money for that specific reason.

So there I was sitting and hoping I would be able to negotiate something, with each passing minute I was getting more nervous. When a miracle happened. A man approached me and told me that he is in a hurry and will pay for my haircut if I give him my space. And on that day for a minute I believed in God.”

4. Rolled on in

“I ran out of gas on a long one lane bridge with a gas station at the end on the left side of the road. Had enough momentum to get over the bridge, had a large enough break in traffic to turn left without braking, and saw that one pump was open on the correct side of my car. Rolled into the station and didn’t even need to touch the brake to stop at the pump. I should also mention the bridge was flat so I didn’t have any hills to help me out.

I’m pretty sure my lottery chances are shot with all the luck I blew in that one minute.”

5. Right person at the right time

“I got on the wrong bus and didn’t even realize until it made the first stop. I got off there and was in a panic of what to do since I had to be somewhere at a certain time. The first stop was a college campus I had never been to. I saw somebody going out to her car, who turned out to be a professor, and I went to ask her about a bus that ran from the school. She just asked where I needed to be and she gave me a ride to the place for free. I ran into the right person at the right time.”

6. Boom!

“I started a new job and about 2 months later they announced that everyone was getting laid off as they were moving the billing office to another branch in a different state in a few months.

As an incentive they offered up to $2,000 bonuses for the people who remained the longest to clear up all remaining balances to make the transition more easy. I ended up convincing my old manager at my previous job to re-hire me a few weeks after the announcement.

Months later after I had left I ended up getting a check in the mail for the full bonus amount which I cashed ASAP.”

7. On vacation

“When I was maybe 15 or so, my mom told me to go to the doctor to get health report (for some documentation, it’s a long story). I didn’t want to go, so I lied that I went and the doctor was on vacation. Later, she comes into my room saying, “So, I called the doctor to make sure…”, and I’m like “OH SH*T”, and then she continues “So, you were right, she is on vacation indeed.”

I still can’t believe this happened.”

8. Helping hand

“I was cycling in a very isolated area, exploring my province, when one of my tires blew. I wasn’t even carrying any repair tools with me, so I was left with the only option to walk back 20 miles to the nearest village and either look for help or cancel my trip and take a bus back home. Not 1 minute after I started walking two cyclists appeared on the horizon. They happily fixed my tire and I was able to complete my ride. Montreal – Percé.”

9. Lemme, lemme upgrade

“One time I got into the wrong line when boarding a plane, but the attendant said “go on ahead” and instantly upgraded me to first class.”

10. Might have starved

“Went island camping with a friend of mine on a little sail boat. We did not have a gas stove to heat our food in, we instead had a metal frame that used firewood. Unfortunately, where we landed was void of any sort of wood. I’m convinced this was Deus ex machina at play here , but we conveniently found a store-bought log of firewood in this tiny island. Would have starved without it.”

11. That’s always nice

“Back in 2003 when you could fill at the pump then pay, I filled my car and went in to pay. The guy said that pump didn’t register a sale. Told me to have a nice day. I got around $38 worth of free gas.”

12. That was quick

“Bought a car for $2000. Picked it up and drove it 3 blocks home. Guy across the street sees the for sale sign and asks how much. Tell him I just bought it and he offers me $4500. He goes and gets me cash, I sign it over to him. $2500 bucks made in 30 mins.”

13. Lazy and happy

“Married the girl next door. We were friend and neighbors for almost a decade. We were frustrated being single and did the “hey! wanna date.” After we got married moving her in was a friggin dream! We kept the 2nd apt for 2 months, that was fun too. She didn’t have to change her address. Now that I think about it. We might be the laziest happily married couple.”

14. Easy!

“I had an AMEB piano exam coming up and I was supposed to have prepared two extra pieces, one of which the examiner would ask me to play (but you don’t know which one they’ll pick of course).

One, I had nailed. The other, from the very beginning, was a piece I never really liked much and I’d only learnt the first couple of pages – the rest of the piece would probably sound like someone playing it for the first time. Honestly, I didn’t give that piece nearly as much time as I should’ve.

So I went into that exam just HOPING the examiner would pick my good piece. Exam day came around and the examiner picked the piece I could only half play. CRAP.

Then, by some incredible alignment of the stars, she says ‘I’ll just get you to play to the end of the second page.’

Yes, of course Mrs Examiner, easy!”

15. A dream

“The job description literally was “off-role job, you have been notified”

I thought it was a joke, I applied on it anyway. Turns out Its one of the biggest Automobile giants in world desperately needing a graphic designer who is ready for an off-role job.

Its EXACTLY 12 minutes ride on Motorbike to and 17 minutes fro.

Got a chill boss who’s barely 9 years older than me and completely fine with me showing up 45 minutes late to work EVERYDAY as long as the work is done before I leave ON TIME.

When asked about the funny job description, she grilled the HR dept about funky job description.

some perks of my job

An hour late on job is acceptable EVERDAY. (due to my boss’s designation)
Mostly leave on time 5 minutes give or take extra
A less polite conversation makes my boss thinks she is scolding me and 5 minutes later she politely but professionally apologizes for ‘yelling’ at me. LOL
Can take up to 3,15-20 minutes break excluding lunch break
Company has an agency already hired who does half of my work. (I’m there for emergency creatives)
This is absolutely a dream job for a second job.”

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