8. Glad we cleared that up
We were visiting an old lady that my mom knew, in a nursing home. She shared her room with someone else, a frail lady of around 80 who I’d never actually seen out of that bed.
One day while we’re visiting I’m bored and keep glancing over at the roommate who (like always) appeared to be sleeping. Suddenly her head tilts towards me and I hear her say, in a raspy voice…
“Make those doe eyes all you want, I’m not gonna have sex with you.”
9. All of them
Working at a hospital, I ran across an elderly man who was a bit demented in the lobby. He came up to me, put both his hands on my shoulders, stared into my eyes, and said with the utmost seriousness, “Everything has a reason. Even jelly beans.” He was promptly taken back to his seat by his caretakers. I’m pretty sure that man knows all the mysteries to the universe.
10. Too true
There was a customer at the Starbucks I worked at, who was 60+, really nice, but liked to talk a lot.
One day she flat out said “Old folks like me just say whatever the they want, we’re old and just don’t give a crap.”
I commenced to laugh my butt off for 5 minutes in the drive through.
11. Ha!
I was with my grandma, who was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, at her nursing home during a Easter party a couple weeks ago. One nurse was dressed as the Easter bunny and began talking to my grandma, trying to get her engaged in the party. I watched her slowly emerge from her mental haze, look the lady up and down and say, “Did no one tell you that’s it’s not Halloween?”
12. Dinner plans
Well, I thought this was really sweet and funny.
I volunteered in a Hospice ward for a couple of months and a patient named Tony was moved onto our ward, so I was introduced to him. It was a little hard for him to speak, but he said, “So… how’d you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night?” And then he started singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” by the Four Seasons and was overjoyed when I sang along with him word-for-word.
When I came in the next day I went to his room, but there was another patient in there. Turned out he died peacefully in his sleep that night.
13. Many different uses
While waiting with an elderly patient (82) who I had just transported to the ED, another ambulance crew brought in a young woman with a cell phone stuck in her vagina. My patient said “Can you believe technology? In my day, that never would have happened. Probably because the phone was too big. Of course, we did use vegetables.”
I had no idea how to respond to that. It was quite awkward.
14. Milk me
An old woman that comes to my family’s restaurant is absolutely bonkers. A group of waitresses and I were in the back talking about how it’s hard to find shirts that fit because of breast size, and she walks up and says loudly,”YOU GIRLS NEED TO BE MILKED. You could save it and sell it online! I learned that on the T.V.!” None of us are pregnant, or look pregnant.