13. This man tells the truth
A family friend brought home a guy who told us he jumped out of a mission plane in WW1 and that he used to star in some tv show in Canada.
He was 33 in 2012.
14. What’s up, Doc?
When I was 16 I met this girl who went to high school across town through a buddy who was dating her friend. Our parents were pretty liberal and we spent most of our weekends getting high and drunk in the pool house and swimming when we wanted to cool off. Needless to say, it took about three days before I lost my virginity to this girl- and it was awesome.
Here’s the thing: when you’re 16 and you find a girl who is into you, you never let that go. I was immediately her boyfriend. Despite the fact that I didn’t know that much about her, I knew everything that I needed to know. Week two of this torrid romance and something isn’t quite right in the land down under- it was really burning when I peed. Like every time…I went to Catholic school so I knew all about how Satan invades extra-marital sex and fills your lust pole with STDs. I knew I had one, the only question was which one.
We only got more serious- like getting close to meet the parents serious. But love didn’t cure whatever evil was festering in my penis, and I had to schedule a doctor’s appointment. In the exam room, I had to fess up to my doctor. I had to pee in a cup, and he manually examined my penis. He asked me why I suspected I had caught an STD, and, in the spirit of doctor-patient confidentiality, I told him everything.
Which came out to: “I met a random girl from across town and I’ve been humping her everywhere: pool, bushes, suburbans, rugs, carpets, dirt piles. I don’t know much about her.” It took a week, but the results came back- I had a benign UTI, most likely from bare-back riding in dirt piles. Clean it up was his advice. That was a giant relief. Everything seemed to be great, the penis problem cleared up and this girl and I kept seeing each other. After a few months she invited me to her family dinner, her mom was nice and her dad was my doctor.
15. A real catch
Not a parent, but the night my sister’s ex met my parents, he went off on a tangent about how proud he was not to work, and how good it is that the state gives him food stamps and welfare. My dad, who’s been a consistently hard worker his entire life, about blew a fuse that night.
The ex continued this for some time, but shortly after he recommended to my sister that they move into Section 8 housing, that’s when she had the sense to call it quits.
16. The talk
When I was in 9th grade, I went to my girlfriend’s house at the time while her parents were supposed to be at work. we were just hanging downstairs when her dad comes through the door totally unexpectedly. I still to this day have no idea how he unlocked the door so damn fast. He sat me down and talked to me and asked if I thought coming over while nobody was home was the “right” thing to do and I nervously said “yes!”
17. A classy intro
In 2009 we had a house fire, and immediately afterwards my family stayed in a local hotel for a couple of weeks. My boyfriend and I had been seeing each other for about half a year at this point (though his parents had no idea), and at one point his mum was attending a meeting at the hotel I was staying in. My boyfriend had come back to the hotel with me after school in order to meet his mum afterwards, and when it came to it he introduced me by saying ‘she’s living here because her house burned down’. Not quite what I’d had in mind!
18. Mother
Intended to marry my ex, but after meeting his mom a few times I really couldn’t do it.
She was extremely possessive of her son, and never smiled when I’m with them. I was the blame for her son not eating properly (I always cooked healthy food for him), sleeping properly (he worked 16 hours a day) dressed properly (I ironed his shirts for him when he was too busy to do it), any blame you can think of. All in all I couldn’t see myself dealing with the mom so I eventually broke it off before it was too late.
19. Blew it
So I’m not a parent but when I met my girlfriend’s mom for breakfast I ate the whole family’s sausage and bacon thinking it was the plate they had left for me since I showed up late. They were too nice to say anything.
20. In the buff
First time my mother met my high school girlfriend was walking into my bedroom with my girlfriend completely naked on the bed and me fully clothed on the computer.
21. “She hated me”
Ex-girlfriends Mom greeted me with, ‘Did you convince my daughter to go on birth control so you could SLEEP WITH HER?!?’… I was shocked to say the least because we had only been dating for a few weeks and she was a virgin, I wasn’t pushing the issue because I really liked her. In my confused state, the girlfriend at the time explained to me that she told her Mom she wanted to have sex with me and needed birth control. First encounter with her Mom and I never recovered from that, she hated me.
22. At least they were nice…
Unbeknown to my brother he stepped in dog poo as he went to fetch this girl for the prom. Her parents invited him in to wait since she was not ready and he walked over a white carpet to go sit down. As he sat down he noticed a terrible smell, a big piece of dog poo on his shoe and the step marks on the carpet. The mother, having noticed this, blamed the dog for the smell and ignored the step marks as if they did not exist.
23. Double whammy
When I first met my ex’s Dad, I thought in my young, naive 17 year old brain that it would be a great idea to go in for a big, manly handshake. He’d broken his wrist in a cycling accident the week before. I can still hear the crack it made in my nightmares. I also may or may not have let him drive himself to the hospital while I had disappointing teenage sex with his daughter….
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