I set out to count how many funny people there were on Twitter but I lost track and fell asleep because there are too many. I couldn’t possibly hope to bring you samples from all of them, but let’s start with these.
Here are 12 random examples of greatness from a few of the funny women of Twitter!
12. Act fast
This is why the remote is a powerful tool in any relationship.
My boyfriend is only fast at two things: fucking, and skipping over movies he knows I’d want to watch
— Myka Fox
(@MykaFox) July 16, 2020
11. Mmm, MLM
You can be your own boss by which I mean empty your savings account to buy our awful overpriced merchandise.
Girls from your high school are like “I know a spot” and it’s at the bottom rung of their pyramid scheme
— notanothertruecrimepod (@NATCpod) June 29, 2020
10. Bras, bruh
There are the true tests of faith.
If God never gives us more than we can handle why did I just have a complete breakdown trying to put on a sports bra while wet?
— Missy Baker (@TheMissyBaker) July 19, 2020
9. Time to stretch
Me buying sweats: “I don’t think this is gonna work out.”
I own a lot of workout pants for someone who just eats all day
— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) February 10, 2020
8. Fairy tale romance
Did no two women in this kingdom wear the same size shoe?
i personally think cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup
— corri (@okiecorri) July 20, 2020
7. Hugs and nugs
The delicious affection that we all crave.
a guy at the salon is straight up feeding his girl chicken nuggets while she gets her nails done that's the kind of love & support i need
— lea adame (@leaadame) August 25, 2017
6. Model citizen
2020: “Joke’s on you, get back to the couch.”
*remodels entire home to make it more suitable for entertaining*
*invites no one over*
Ah, perfect.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) March 12, 2018
5. Highs and lows
Um. Most of us were alive in the 1900’s. It was 20 years ago. You sure about this?
Omg in the 1900s tampons were soaked on opium to relieve pain and relax the vagina
BRING THAT FUCKING BACK
— Ms.Rabbit (@amoure_af) July 17, 2020
4. Who is she
Reminding the robots that they don’t know everything.
Today I showered, blow-dried my hair, then put some concealer and mascara on, and now my iPhone’s Face ID doesn’t recognize me.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) April 26, 2020
3. Flatten the curve
The swoosh that says “Just don’t it.”
what i think ive done vs what ive actually done pic.twitter.com/nTevgH8eXu
— Jenna (@qwerticorn_ig) March 9, 2015
2. Treasure hunting
Gotta keep tabs on the important things in life.
My only current hobby and passion is tracking packages
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) April 8, 2020
1. Pocket full of disappointment
Fashion is a competition to see who can sell the least fabric for the most money.
Women: Give us pockets!
Fashion: How about shoulder cut-outs?
Women: We want pockets!
Fashion: Or one on your upper-abdomen?
Women: Really, just pockets!
Fashion: Have you heard about cut-out denim?!
Women: [evaporate in a cloud of rage] pic.twitter.com/NXnNpDXJPm
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) July 11, 2018
To see more, just go pretty much anywhere on the internet. Funny tweets have a way of showing up there.
Who are your favorites ladies of Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.
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