Happiness is one of those vague, nebulous, concepts we struggle do define but we all just sort of “get.”
In theory, at least, we understand that happy looks different for everyone. In practice, humans have this really nasty habit of completely and totally forgetting that fact applies to them, too.
Reddit user peeledraspberry asked:
“People who are 40+ and happy with their life, what is your advice to people in their 20s?”
Yeah it’s okay for everyone ELSE to struggle, but not you. YOU must be perfect.
Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean, I know we’re all out here sobbing along to “Surface Pressure” for a reason. It’s okay. You’re among friends.
All of us need little reminders every now and then or we end up getting in the way of our own happiness. Let’s take a look at what advice actual happy human beings of Reddit had for the rest of us mere mortals.
Get ON My Lawn
“I hesitate to give advice, being unqualified to do so.”
“Instead, here are some points that may or may not be worthy of consideration:”
“Time is very short, and as you get older it speeds up more and more.”
“Time is more important than money. In theory, you could end up a billionaire. But nobody is ever a ‘time billionaire.’ Rich or poor, you’re gonna get maybe 100 years at the absolute max, and probably not that much.”
“There will be several versions of You as you walk your path, but one version that kind of colors all the other versions. This version you could call ‘the real you’ It pays to spend time figuring out who that real you is.”
“You will have to deal with people. Learn how to leave them happy to have been in your presence, and you will not lack for friends and loved ones.”
“Speaking of loved ones: just because someone is a blood relative, it doesn’t mean they’re worth a shit. If your parent, sibling, or child is a complete a-hole unworthy of your attention, don’t waste further time on them.”
“Find something you love to do, and do that. Do it every day. It doesn’t matter if you make money at it, or get recognition because of it.”
“Do it like Henry Darger did his writing and drawing, and like Vivian Maier did her photography. Do good work. It is its own reward.”
“I am a geezer, 64 years old. It does not have to suck being old. I think it’s f*cking great, for many reasons.”
“If you’re ever in my town, drop by and get ON my lawn.”
– clit-eastwould
Three Things
“I am 40 years old and I have three pieces of advice for anyone in their 20’s”
“One: Accept that perfection doesn’t exist. Your relationships will have problems, your car will break down, someone else will anyways have a better phone, a newer car, or a bigger house than you, no matter where on the social ladder you stand.”
“Constantly chasing perfection will keep you permanently stressed. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to better your life, just know that if you expect perfection you will never be statisfied.”
“Two: Pay attention to your diet and health. I have been working out at least 4 times per week since my mid 20’s. I am fitter, healthier and look younger than almost everyone else my age.”
“Three: Don’t stop doing the things you love. Even though I have a wife, kids, job etc. I still make time to play video games, draw, write stories, read comics, play basketball, listen to music, etc.”
“There is no reason to become a miserable old bastard!”
“People ask how I find time to fit in all these hobbies. Honestly, I have to make the time.”
“Apart from working out (which I do at 6am before everyone else wakes up) I’m not doing these things every day.”
“I only game on the weekend if I get the chance, I read ebooks on my phone when I’m killing time in the day, I may buy a comic 2-3 times a year and I can usually find a few hours in the week to draw.”
“I still make time to chill out with my wife in the evenings and do things with kids. I just fit my hobbies in between them. I also don’t watch much TV or go out, but that’s just me.”
“The point is to make sure you keep doing stuff you actually LIKE.”
– Denaris21
Turn Around And Change It
“I was a raging alcoholic in my twenties and thought I would never recover from it.”
“I never found a real job using my first degree or my masters. Part of it was because I was always drunk, part of it was the job market at the time.”
“I went back to school in my thirties and found something I like a whole lot more. Now, I’m married, nearly ten years sober, and have a great job.”
“My point is, if you end up on the wrong path or don’t like where you are, there’s always time to turn around and change it. Too many people just assume they’re stuck where they are and stuck with the issues they have.”
– yeahwellokay
Not A Race
“It’s not a race!”
“Stop comparing yourself to others. Just because they did things sooner than you, doesn’t mean they’re happier or better.”
“Try to start good habits. It is a little rough at first, but in a few years it will be second nature. Do this with things like cooking, cleaning, saving money and self-care.”
“It is okay to not like someone. It is also okay to have someone not like you.”
“People are going to not like you for no reason. That is okay. It’s a “them” issue and not a “you” issue.”
“Don’t be an ass to everyone and give them reason to dislike you, but also know that you are under no obligation to put up with someone else’s bad friendship.”
“There is no shame in seeing a mental health professional.”
– MayUrBladesNVRdull
“It’s been really hard to remember that things aren’t a race.”
“I am 29, graduating college this year, and so many of my classmates are 18-22 with family support, great connections and networks, no weird backstory to explain, no major disabilities (thanks military).”
“I know once I get somewhere I can thrive, I will; but it’s definitely hard to not feel like I’m behind.”
– redwingpanda
“I’ve been feeling bad about this.”
“Entering sixth year of college (graduating in the fall, though) and I just feel bad and like a failure. I feel like I’m not going to get a job when I get out, and I feel pressured to live up to the success my older brother has despite my parents say that’s not important.”
“There’s a lot of other things that hit home in this thread. Struggling from substance abuse, being physically unhealthy and having body image issues are a few others.”
“I want to be a better and successful person, but I’m afraid I’m never going to find the motivation. I’m afraid I’m going to allow myself to be mediocre for the rest of my life.”
“I really should get a therapist like you’ve said.”
– Shrumples1997
Out Of The Hole
“Don’t put yourself in ridiculous amounts of debt trying to portray a certain image. You’ll spend your entire life trying to get out of the hole you dug or you’ll have to declare bankruptcy.”
“Set aside enough money to cover 3-6 months of expenses for emergencies just like now. Moreover, save now for your retirement years. It doesn’t require much and if you have it taken directly from your paycheck you won’t be inclined to not pay yourself first.”
“Take care of your body. Exercise to maintain a healthy weight and good cardiovascular health. As you get older, it’s much harder to maintain these.”
“Enjoy the days of your youth without going overboard.”
“There is nothing wrong with having a good time, yet if you are always waking up wondering what happened last night, why you can’t remember how you spent so much money or you always have a hangover; you should tone it down a bit.”
“Don’t take advice or criticism as a personal attack.”
“Most times the people who care about you have observed behavior in you which is off putting, doesn’t reflect who you really are or could be or would make you a more rounded person.”
– RmeMSG
Anyone else feeling a little attacked?
No?
Just me?
What’s your best advice for happiness? Are there mistakes you want us all to learn from? Wins you recommend people aim for?
We’ll see you in the comments.