Category: Twitter

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Enjoy Some of the Best Comebacks Found on the Internet

The thing about the internet is that it’s a huge public forum where almost anybody can access and respond to the things you say.

And the thing about having a forum like that is that with so many eyeballs on your statement, odds are exceedingly good that at least one pair of those eyes is gonna be connected to a brain that just happens to have the most perfectly devastating response.

Ergo, the internet is basically just one giant clap back machine, and the results are hilarious and oof-worthy.

Here are fifteen examples of killer comebacks brought to us by the internet.

15. First languages

Clearly she meant speak American. Yanno, talk about guns and Tiger King.

14. Safety second

And just like Jurassic Park, we literally never learn.

13. Special delivery

(Club = team for all my fellow basic Americans.)

12. Social predictions

Don’t hold back, king.

11. Deep breaths

I might be suffocating but these download speeds are tight.

10. Packing heat

It was planted on me, I swear.

9. Cold shoulder

Every doctor: “This is way worse than a cold or the flu.”
Your cousin: “Nu uh.”

8. Well actually

If he was around to hear this conversation he’d cut off his ear all over again.

https://ryanrosslegs.tumblr.com/post/111237376092/shaxaphone-growlithed

7. Desperate measures

Get bent, bruh.

Ooof and well asked for. from clevercomebacks

6. Just kidding

Nothing better than when you can turn around a yo mama joke.

Dominance asserted from clevercomebacks

5. Born and raised

“If we went back to using obsolete techniques and technologies, people would be confused.” – a boomer’s idea of a sick burn.

Weird motives from clevercomebacks

4. Don’t cry for me

If being a man means I don’t get to care about my own parents then screw it, I’m a wombat.

In a post about “man up” being an insult. from clevercomebacks

3. Granting wishes

That kid is going to be a lawyer when she grows up.

Children are savages from MurderedByWords

2. Can’t take the heat

But…but…I saw a meme somewhere that said…

A Moron and a Microbiologist Comment on a COVID-19 Article… from clevercomebacks

1. The winter of our inconvenience

We’re so insular we literally forget there are other countries.

On a thread about wearing masks from clevercomebacks

That’s a lot of cathartic comebacks right there. Sort of revs you up to go plant a few yourself. Remember: don’t go looking for a fight. But when the time comes to strike, use the opportunity well.

What’s your favorite comeback lately?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Enjoy Some of the Best Comebacks Found on the Internet appeared first on UberFacts.

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A Man’s Simple Quest for a Milkshake Got Weird Fast

We’ve all been on late night adventures to grab a snack. It can be a really fun diversion. It can also open up strange, unseen worlds known not to the day-dwellers among us.

But whatever story from your own life you’re now thinking of, I guarantee you it pales in comparison to that of Twitter user Josh Raby, who spelled out his own milkshake misadventure in exquisite, bizarre detail.

Chapter 1: I Am Begging Your Patience

When a midnight craving starts more than you bargained for.

Chapter 2: You Can Have It

Already, he’s not lovin’ it.

Chapter 3: My Desired Milkshake

At this point, nobody really remembers how to communicate.

Chapter 4: I Will Be Very Slow

Dude, I don’t need a milkshake THAT bad.

Chapter 5: A Deep Exhale

Oh. Maybe this isn’t such a funny story.

Chapter 6: An Apple Pie

Let them eat pie, I guess.

Chapter 7: A Weird Series of Beeps

Wait. WHAT?

Chapter 8: I Do Not Want

Quit playin with me, man.

Chapter 9: I Just Want to Go

This is too much.

Chapter 10: No Problem

You’re a part of the relationship now, friend.

Chapter 11: He Has His Thumb Out

So these two are, like, DEFINITELY high right?

Chapter 12: FINE

Why did you think you could just get away with that?

Chapter 13: 37 Minutes

Is this your anniversary or something?

Chapter 14: A Whole Separate Human

Spare a thought for those left behind.

I am agog. I am aghast. I may never seek another late night treat again.

What’s your weird late-night-out story?

Tell us in the comments.

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14 Wild Things Couples Really Fight About

There’s this weird phenomenon on Twitter where people share the funny little things they fight about with their significant others, and sometimes they’re so weird that you’re not sure whether to laugh or message them and ask if they’re ok.

Where’s the line for that?

Let’s see if we can find out with these tweets.

14. If you have to ask

This is what we in the business call a no win situation.

13. Once you pop…

It’s the little things you learn to cherish.

12. What a headache

I think I can see where the pain is coming from.

11. Team thingee

This is also my understanding of the hobby and I’m as disappointed as you are.

10. How boring

Now you’re ready to take on the final boss.

9. Communication is key

“But like, why can’t guys just talk about their feelings?”

8. Rice is nice

Are you opening a soup kitchen or?

7. Well that’s just grate

And once again, the cheese stands alone.

6. The sacred cloth

That is a napkin for the TABLE ONLY.

5. Give me some shade

Little did they know how much they’d miss this season the following year.

4. Nothing to sneeze at

“Oh what I don’t get to sneeze?”

3. Root for the home team!

Look man, I don’t know, I’m just going by jersey color.

2. When life gives you lemons

Hahahahaha (dude run.)

1. All you can eat

Of all the problems to have, this one doesn’t sound too bad.

Remember, if you’re actually fighting all the time about everything, that’s not quirky, that’s toxic.

What’s the silliest thing you and your S/O have fought about?

Tell us in the comments.

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10 Really Dumb Things Couples Fight About

I guess if you’re in a relationship for long enough, you can just get mad at each other over literally anything.

Especially if, say, you’re in a situation that requires you to stay at home together with pretty much no breaks for months and months at a time.

The couples of Twitter are certainly no stranger to feeling the pressure. That pressure that comes from that feeling that you love ’em so much but also you kinda want them to die for not much of a reason? Take these ten examples.

10. Time management

I don’t know what year any of us are living in anymore.

9. Let it go

Dude. Come on. You did that on purpose.

8. The eyes have it

Maybe ya’ll just need a little bit of breathing room.

7. The secrets we keep

Wait, aren’t you IMDb?

6. Just plane weird

As a lifelong insomniac, I’d like you to apologize to me as well.

5. In the blink of an eye

Given this tweet, I’d guess he was signaling for help in morse code.

4. Chew on that

Gee oh boy, sounds great!

3. Absolutely trashed

I think that placement is pretty much the international signal for “this is not desirable.”

2. A comforting feeling

MAN does this sound like fun!

1. Turn, turn, turn

As long as they’re not licking it, I guess.

I suppose the moral of the story is – if you don’t wanna get mad at your partner over something stupid, don’t have a partner.

What’s the dumbest thing you and an S/O have fought about?

Tell us in the comments.

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Totally Random Treasures From the Big Ol’ Internet

The Internet is truly filled with all kinds of wonders. As far as the eye can see, there are posts of all sorts, waiting to delight us, like small treasures found along a path we didn’t even know we’d be traveling today. Plus, unlike most paths traveled, I don’t even have to actually stand up, so that’s a bonus.

In that spirit, won’t you journey with me now through the fields of funny posts? That we may revel in them together? Amen?

Here are ten great funny things you didn’t know you’d be seeing today.

10. Drop it like it’s hot

These Tony Hawk Pro Skater mods are getting out of control.

9. Pour it over

“Need to” and “going to” are two very different things.

8. The horror

And they don’t wanna be there any more than you do.

7. Dark times

That’s what you get for being lame.

6. Ultimate power

You know he’s got this tech in his garage already.

5. Romaine calm

It knows when to strike and when to hold back.

4. Goblin’ it up

Hey, we all gotta play the hand we’re dealt.

https://ritalara.tumblr.com/post/189248874593/not-elegant-enough-to-be-a-vampire-not-jock

3. Get off my lawn

Turn it down!

https://calscurls.tumblr.com/post/134146059467/admiredmgc-absolutetrashh

2. You know too much

Water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to drink.

https://ghostlight01.tumblr.com/post/185645658668/i-am-so-tired-of-peeing-i-drink-the-water-which

1. A balanced diet

I see nothing wrong here.

https://meerkuesse.tumblr.com/post/170447628387/sapphicaspiewitch-drkkn-me-drinking-juice-at

What a wonderful little journey through the internet. Join me on the next one, how about? We’ll stroll again together and discover more treasures then.

What’s your favorite place to find the internet’s gems?

Tell us all about it in the comments, won’t you?

The post Totally Random Treasures From the Big Ol’ Internet appeared first on UberFacts.

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Hilarious Questions Teachers Heard Over Zoom

Everyone agrees that teaching kids over Zoom isn’t ideal, but everyone – teachers, students, parents, administrators – has done their best to adapt.

Teachers, especially, have worked to give kids grace as everyone adapts to this new way of being or doing, which is good, since no one probably thought we’d be doing it quite so long.

There are plenty of downsides, but if there’s an upside, it’s that kids are hilarious, and they keep us on our toes – a fact these 12 comments totally prove!

12. Sometimes you’ve just gotta know.

But I mean, come on. Everyone likes grilled cheese.

11. Kid was really dealing with some stuff that day.

The first hangnail is quite the learning experience.

10. Teachers can learn things, too.

Especially the important stuff, like superheroes.

9. No, even though he could ha–

You know what? That’s a whole other discussion.

8. You have to know when they need a break.

Now more than ever.

7. You can teach them life lessons, too.

Unless you don’t know how to cook.

6. That’s what she’s been thinking about all this time.

We all get distracted, right?

5. It’s all over now.

Just go get the dog.

4. She did say they were done with their work.

What was she expecting?

3. I don’t know how the kinder teachers do it.

Those are just babies. They don’t know!

2. What a time to unmute yourself, kid.

Now we all get to find out together.

1. Just try to follow the train of thought.

You can’t. It’s a trick question.

Image Credit: Twitter

The kids are the things that are driving us crazy, but also keeping us sane at the same time, don’t you think?

If you’re a teacher, please add your story in the comments!

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Do You Remember Chuck E. Cheese? These Tweets Bring Back ALL the Nostalgia!

It might seem like Chuck E. Cheese is a relic of the past. If you don’t have kids, you probably haven’t been inside one in years, and if you do have kids, you’ve probably also not been inside one – or anywhere else – for many moons, either.

Also, now that you’re an adult, the shine has definitely worn off, right? The place is dirty, there are definitely germs everywhere, and just thinking about the ball pit makes me want to gag.

That said, these 15 tweets might just take you back to the good ol’ days when it was the place to be – the stuff birthday party dreams were made of – and if you ask me, a little nostalgia is never a bad thing.

15. Huh. I never really thought about it that way.

Where can a kid not be a kid?

14. Of course it is.

You don’t need to know this to like, know this. Like, in your bones.

13. No one was going near that stage.

They might be alive. You never know for sure.

12. Through the eyes of a parent.

But honestly…it doesn’t sound like a bad way to pass a Saturday afternoon.

11. I literally just shuddered.

Anyone who was weaned on the original Chuck E. Cheese is stone cold.

10. Only the 80s could produce this mascot.

Our parents were like, “eh, sure. Why the hell not?”

9. I’m sure there was a subconscious reason.

Like he’s scary as sh%t.

8. Did someone just…make all of this up?

Because I have some followup questions.

7. Which is really a shame.

For everyone involved.

6. The face I just made.

Do not, under any circumstances, eat off the floor of a Chuck E. Cheese unless you’re trying to get superpowers. Or kill yourself.

5. It’s all in how you look at it, love.

Live a little! Dance with meningitis!

4. Is the pizza…good?

I honestly have no recollection.

3. How many stars?

At least the skeeball wasn’t broken. That would have been the real day the music died.

2. Me yelling at every band, to be honest.

Why do they think we’re still buying their records?

1. I have no idea what I just watched.

But I am in no way mad about it.

 

Ahhhh I can almost smell the pizza and see the creepy animatronics now.

Did you have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese? Was it the best? Tell us about it in the comments!

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People Share What They Think Will Make a “Happy” Marriage

I remember when I was young, my dad said to me, “Son, before you ever get married, you make sure you do one thing to prepare.”

“What’s that, papa?” I asked, a gleam in my eye and wonder in my soul.

“Before you should propose, I think it only right you open up Twitter and scroll through for a while and figure out what a bunch of internet strangers have to say about being hitched. Write those down as a set of principles, and go from there.”

“I will, dad. I will.”

Today, I fulfill that promise.

12. The fry rule

Every day is fry day if you keep the peace enough.

11. The inverse volume law

Well but see that’s when it gets boring though.

10. The playing doctor ritual

These are things we really need to keep an eye out for.

9. The stand-up stare-down

One of us is going to blink first and it ain’t gonna be me.

8. The frosting fortune

It’s too bad, we really had a nice thing going.

7. Corporate culture

Never have I smelled something on this scale before.

6. The call and response

Some things transcend life itself.

5. The rescue reminder

Gotta keep him on a tight leash.

4. League placement anxiety

I can’t let this fall apart on me now.

3. Butter habits

There’s very little that fatty foods can’t fix.

2. The tea trade-off

Hey, we’re not here to kink-shame.

1. The pass-out principle

God I’m so envious of people who can just sleep like this.

And with those bits of knowledge, you and I are both ready. Will you marry me?

What’s your best piece of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

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Hilarious Posts for People in a Love/Hate Relationship with Marriage

The Greek philosopher Socrates once said “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

It seems that a lot of people on Twitter are caught somewhere between good and bad with their spouses and have thus turned into tongue-in-cheek-happy philosophers.

If you don’t understand what I mean, have a look for yourself.

13. If wishing made it so…

Ah, I see what you did there.

12. You’re toast

Why are these things still the most fickle pieces of technology?

11. Work, work, work

We’re all learning brand new things about each other.

10. Sock it to ’em

It’s called the clothes pile and it’s a sacred place.

9. Standard definition

Oh cool so we’re getting a divorce then?

8. The great outdoors

Wow, you’re practically an explorer.

7. On a roll

But did he put it overhand or underhand? Because there is a correct answer.

6. The cold shoulder

Is this dude famous on Twitter JUST for having an annoying marriage?

5. In the mood

We gotta set real expectations for those coming of age.

4. Seek and ye shall find

Solid medical burn right there. Gotta get you to the burn unit.

3. Birds of a feather

I guess we all gotta have a hobby.

2. Shower power

I mean it’s either that or talking about things that bother you.

1. Yes man

Good thing ya’ll are married then, I guess?

I wish you all happy marriages, and happy philosophizing.

What’s your best bit of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

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Check Out 12 of the Little Unspoken Joys of Marriage

Marriage is one of humanity’s oldest institutions and the source of a fair bit of our controversies.

But on a smaller scale, it’s the framework in which you can just get mad at each other for opening cans wrong or whatever.

But don’t take it from me, take it from the actually married couples of Twitter.

12. Sleep tight

I don’t know if you really knee’d me all that much.

11. Shop around

Never shop on an empty stomach.

10. Whose job is it anyway?

Join us tomorrow, same time, same channel!

9. Chew on this

Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.

8. Pack it in

But do you just toss in a couple shirts and pants or do you prepare like you’re going to be staying at that hotel for the next four years?

7. Stay on target

It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

6. Can’t get it back in the tube

These are the kinds of peacekeeping measures our leaders should imitate.

5. Just checking in

Didn’t know if I needed to call the cops or whatever.

4. Well blended

Try to use it to make him something delicious right away, he’ll forget he was mad.

3. This is the way

Ah, alright, I’ll just stop living then.

2. Let them eat cake

Why must we play these games?

1. Spoon feeding

Ok we’ve been joking around a lot but this is serious – some kind of heavy intervention is warranted here.

To all the married folks – here’s to you. Try not to kill each other.

What’s marriage like in your experience?

Tell us in the comments.

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