Category: Twitter

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People Share the Worst Things They’ve Done to Stay in Relationships with Deadbeats

People like to say that love is blind. Maybe that’s why it makes us fall over and hurt ourselves all the time.

Twitter user @literElly wanted to get to the bottom of this:

For those of you who, like me, were fortunate enough to have avoided this story up until now, let’s briefly recap “the shkreli story” mentioned in the tweet.

Basically, widely despised pharma bro and current inmate Martin Shkreli was in a relationship with a woman who had started reporting on him, until she became so taken that she gave up both her prestigious job as a journalist and her marriage to be with him.

Then he went to jail and basically said “lol bye, good luck out there.”

But what of the common folk? What are our experiences with this sort of nonsense? Let’s find out.

1. Some people really pay the price.

2. How much literal crap do you put up with?

3. No person can be worth this.

4. There’s…there’s a lot to unpack here.

5. Same song, second verse.

6. When you can’t even be the real you.

7. You gotta respect yourself.

8. It’s the most important meal of the day.

9. Hanging and crawling.

10. Woof.

You may find yourself quick to judge these people, but remember: loneliness is a heck of a drug, and it can make us all act pretty dumb.

Have you had an experience like this?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post People Share the Worst Things They’ve Done to Stay in Relationships with Deadbeats appeared first on UberFacts.

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10 Jokes With Great Twists For You to Check Out

I have a buddy named Tim who has this great talent for telling a joke in such a way that you don’t realize it’s a joke until the last second. It’s a sort of deadpan skill coupled with a knack for surprising twists and it’s downright delightful. You feel like you’ve been tricked and also entertained and I can’t recommend conversations with Tim enough.

But since you all don’t know him and he probably wouldn’t appreciate me sending thousands of internet strangers to his house, the next best thing is probably to just read these great unexpected Twitter jokes.

10. Crushing it

You can’t go through life just living life all the time, that’s for suckers.

9. BFF

We’ve been together in wedded bliss ever since.

8. Get it straight

We’ll have a gay old time!

7. Fur real

The double standards of society have got to stop.

6. Change is coming

Plus your body is gonna start to hurt pretty soon, so enjoy that.

5. Intimate moments

This is the future libertarians want.

4. Sleepover woes

Have you tried really telling him how you feel?

3. Cobbled together

Before you make fun, walk a mile in his shoes.

2. On the side

A delicious conundrum.

1. Stealing my heart

Hold up.

People on Twitter are just too clever for their own good. But I’m pretty grateful for it, because what else am I gonna stare at all day? A book? Gross.

Who are the funniest people to follow on Twitter, in your opinion?

Tell us who to check out in the comments.

The post 10 Jokes With Great Twists For You to Check Out appeared first on UberFacts.

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Fresh and Funny Tweets Just For You!

If you’re looking for some fresh, funny tweets, you’re in the right place.

Well done. You have excellent investigation skills. Let’s get down to it.

Here are fourteen funny tweets to satisfy your clicky-curiosity!

14. Oh, brother

I need clarifications on the ages of all the people in this story.

13. Research bowl earth

Surf’s up, soup’s up.

12. The gig economy

Learn how to monetize your baby TODAY!

11. Hard hitting reporting

I’d very much like to know what went wrong in the career of this person I’ve never heard of and don’t care about.

10. Judge not

I got into this job mostly for the little hammer.

9. The smolest boi

Are you just literally talking about those invisible dog leash gag gifts from the 70’s?

8. Living large

Just because I have nothing doesn’t mean I don’t have standards.

7. Roar right past

Weren’t we supposed to have the fun sinful part before paying for it?

6. The hard truth

They didn’t start that way, we just haven’t replaced them in 10 years.

5. Swear to God

If she was an Evangelical it was the greatest moment of her life, I promise.

4. Lunch goes on

I’m schooling at home and the food still all tastes like cardboard, somehow.

3. No chill

What do you have to do to get a little service around here?

2. Ya big baby

How the human race even made it this far is beyond me.

1. Artificial intelligence train-ing

Which of these squares DOES contain a stoplight? I thought I knew, but now…

Hope you enjoyed those, and we wish you the best in your future funny-tweet-finding endeavors. Good luck out there.

If you had to pick just three people who could keep using Twitter, who would they be?

Tell us in the comments.

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Delicious New Tweets For You to Enjoy

Do you sou smell that?

We’ve got some fresh out of the oven tweets for you here today. Home made and hot on the plate, just like Grandma used to make.

Savor each bite and enjoy these 14 new(ish) tweetly treats.

14. Let’s get physical

I looked at it for a solid 8 seconds before it clicked and now I feel stupid.

13. Attitude

A picture is worth at least a thousand words.

12. City slickers

Cool, so you know your way back out then?

11. At least you tried

Here, have some gym shorts for your face.

10. Growing older

Where’s all the wisdom that was supposed to come with this age?

9. Bottomless regret

That face when it’s noon and you’re already spent for the day.

8. Milky white

What we will and won’t put in our bodies is basically a crapshoot.

7. False dichotomy

Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

6. Quit your sass

Squidward is bitter because he knows in his heart he should have a better life.

5. Shut it down

Um, you sure? Cause I don’t think most states actually got the memo.

4. No peeping

If I need to write, delete, and repeat nine times before sending that’s my business.

3. Cat’s out of the bag

If you’re not about those felines how are you even living?

2. Let me get this straight

Is it weird that this is making me hungry?

1. Poor coverage

Well, I’m definitely getting mixed signals.

Absolutely deliciously delicious! Finally some good freakin’ internet food.

What do you go to Twitter for?

Tell us in the comments.

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Funny Tweets From People on the Struggle Bus

A philosopher once said, “Seek not perfection, seek only to live, for in living there – aw, dammit! I just spilled coffee all over my smock. My NEW smock. Dad was right, I’ll never make it as a philosopher. Stupid Carl. STUPID.” And you know what? He was right.

Here are tweets from ten people who are trying and failing and trying again.

10. Skin deep

Honestly even the fact that you’re talking about cleaning your room seems a little braggy to me.

9. High standards

When you realize that you may not be the catch you imagine yourself to be.

8. Don’t mind me

When you’re so in the moment you can’t smell your kitchen on fire.

7. Minimalism

I’m less concerned about the folding chair and more concerned about the two dozen paddles on the back wall.

6. Special delivery

I’ll bet he just ate all your fries and didn’t want to admit it.

5. This is just grate

How…how did you manage to get home like that?

4. The juice is loose

Gonna clean those things down to a pulp.

3. The pie goes on forever

Hey last time I checked you were my bank, not my mom.

2. Recipe for disaster

Honestly I thought the food might just be more impressive.

1. Shoe-less and clueless

At least you’re not stomping around trying to pretend your rights are being violated.

None of us has it fully together. And that’s ok. Just make sure to share your failures with others, because they’re usually really, really funny.

What’s been your biggest fail moment lately?

Tell us about it in the comments.

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Random Posts That Are Gonna Make You Laugh

Every day, people are just posting stuff to the internet. It used to be difficult. You used to have some crazy huge and expensive contraption that nobody else in your family even knew how to use, taking advantage of landlines to dial into message boards occupied by exactly four nerds.

But now? Anybody can just put whatever, whenever.

And we’re all better off for it. I think. Cause we get funny stuff like this!

Let’s go, kids!

10. Totally extreme

The fact that I’m alive is a miracle.

9. Talk the talk

Train them up in the way they should go.

8. Eat in peace

Well, we all sure found out the joys of this in 2020, didn’t we?

7. A big difference

God, looking back, it’s true. It’s all true.

6. That pinches

You’re gonna murder this crab in front of me now, aren’t you?

5. Your move

The Bishop strikes again!

4. Sharing is Karen

Who does she speak too when she’s upset? A mirror?

3. Silent night, holy crap

The bottom right looks elegant, everything else is just silly.

2. Spice up your life

That’s it, we’re done here, shut the whole internet down.

https://officialnapkin.tumblr.com/post/104613423949/seasons-greetings

1. Sonic booms

Those of you who are old enough to remember are scarred enough to never forget.

https://keep-that-frown-upside-down.tumblr.com/post/60327977482/coming-soon-speakers-blow-out-to-own-on-dvd

So get out there and post away, my fellow internet friends and fiends! You never know if an amusing thing you have to say might just make someone else’s day.

Where’s your favorite place to post? What platform? What board?

Tell us in the comments!

Thanks, fam!

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Enjoy These Times When Dogs Just Us With Their Greatness

Let’s talk about dogs for a moment. Are they good bois? They are. Are they good girls? Indeed. Are they, in fact, the bestest ever, with paws and cutesie snoots for booping? It is decidedly so.

On the topic of how they got so good, is such a thing knowable? And what of their other characteristics and the origins thereof? Why are they so small? Or big? Or fluffers? And why won’t they tell us?

While pondering these questions, let us look to the doggos of Twitter.

11. Let us play

We are gathered here today to celebrate doggos.

10. Wrinkles in time

This kid is on a roll.

9. Morning glory

You must feeds. Am starve. Have not eaten for a whole four hours.

8. The driver

When DMV stands for Dogs Moving Vans.

7. The best care around

I would put my life in Shiloh’s hands.

6. Rules are rules

These puppies are better at following medical safety protocols than humans.

5. He’s been licked

All he wants to do is help and you won’t help him do that.

4. Pure excitement

“This is the best show I’ve ever seen in my life” – dogs, probably

3. Mask up

He got it over the nose! You’re doin’ it right!

2. Live and learn

“Explain your smolness.”

1. Long conversations

He’s all ears.

A team of researchers has been working round the clock to answer the ever-looming question of “who’s the bestest dog in the world” and they have concluded that it is, in fact, your dog.

Tell us all about your dog, won’t you?

In the comments. For science.

The post Enjoy These Times When Dogs Just Us With Their Greatness appeared first on UberFacts.

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The Best Part of Waking Up Is These Hilarious Tweets

Rise and shine! It’s time to get your dose of funny tweets! The best part of the morning!

Or maybe it’s afternoon or night where you are. In which case ignore that very first part. But don’t ignore these tweets, because you’ll regret it!

15. Et tu?

The revolution WILL be televised, apparently.

14. Spell it out

He learned to speak just for this moment.

13. Copy that

It’s like they prayed for a child and God was like “you suuuuure about that?”

12. That’s amore

This is the definition of non-hostile architecture.

11. Clear the fog

I had to explain how the defroster works to a friend of mine who’d been driving her entire adulthood.
She was 37.

10. Pick a lane

Don’t mind me, I’ve never been on the road before.

9. Hit it

“I see it’s still in a warehouse four states over. Good. Everything is going according to plan.”

8. Wriggle in

You’re not gonna worm your way out of this one.

7. The waiting game

It’s that special look that gets the whole thing going.

6. Personal attention

Just wait till you see my bedside manner.

5. You’re so vague…

…you probably think this song is about stuff.

4. Carry that load

I’ve never thought about this before and now it’s all I can picture.

3. Two wolves

Things are about to get ugly.

2. Trigger happy

“Any problem that can’t be solved with a gun is not worth solving.” – America, probably

1. Morning rush hour

Not sure what good that does me but thanks anyway.

Don’t you feel refreshed? I certainly do. As refreshed as my browser is as I check for new tweets on my feed every ten seconds.

Who are your top people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.

The post The Best Part of Waking Up Is These Hilarious Tweets appeared first on UberFacts.

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The New “Twilight” Book is Here and People Have Some Opinions

It’s been such a crazy year year that I wouldn’t blame you if you’d somehow missed the bombshell news that after over a decade, Stephanie Meyer finally released a new book in the Twilight series.

While it doesn’t cover any new ground story-wise, it does flesh out the core of the franchise by retelling certain events from Edward’s perspective. And it’s pretty wild.

So what do the people of Twitter think of Midnight Sun? Let’s find out.

15. The time has come

What’s old is new again.

14. The anticipation

We’re gonna rock this old school.

13. Bad apples

Book cover stars: where are they now?

12. Genius timing

Ride that wave right back into our hearts.

11. Ripple effects

We’ll always come home to you, Edward.

10. Bible study

Don’t be without it for too long.

9. A real thicc boi

Hot damn I’ve seen encyclopedias shorter than that.

8. Hard to read

I’m sorry, this is nonsense.

7. The perfect cast

Like so many geniuses he went unappreciated in his time.

 

6. Be still my heart

Nobody gave you permission to bring in all these feels.

 

5. A tail of revival

There’s nothing in this world or the next that can’t be fixed by a doggo.

 

4. Contain yourself

She’s like 1/100 your age, dude.

3. Phrasing

That’s alll gonna be a big ol’ nope from me.

 

2. Getting schooled

I keep getting older, they stay the saaaame age.

1. A matter of perspective

Just you wait – she might surprise us.

Honestly, love it or hate it, it’s fun to just have something like this to focus on again. Good ol’ vampire romance trash. It’ll always be there for us in the end.

Have you read Midnight Sun yet? What did you think?

Tell us in the comments.

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This is How You Can Apply the Five Love Languages to Yourself

Writer Jessicah Pierre brought a lot of joy to people recently with her Twitter thread on the “love languages” and how we can apply them to ourselves.

The concept of the five basic love languages was first pioneered in the early 90’s by author and minister Gary Chapman. In his book The Five Love Languages, he outlined different ways that people prefer to show and receive affection.

It’s a framework that has dug its way into the culture as a helpful guide to recognize each others’ needs, but can it be applied to our day to day, even when we’re alone? Jessicah thinks so:

Here’s her rundown of each language and how you can apply them to yourself to improve your mental health.

1. Words of Affirmation

Talking to yourself isn’t crazy. It’s a totally normal way to process thoughts.

2. Acts of Service

You’d be surprised how much you might appreciate it if you help you out.

3. Quality Time

Don’t just rush around constantly.

4. Physical Touch

There’s an obvious NSFW answer here but this is good too.

5. Gifts

Treat yoself.

Basically:

When you lay it all out like that, it seems so simple. And yet, how often have any of us thought in these terms?

A very helpful reminder that we’ve already got a lot of the tools that we need to stay hearty and happy. Just gotta get ourselves to use them once in a while!

How do you take care of yourself?

Tell us in the comments.

The post This is How You Can Apply the Five Love Languages to Yourself appeared first on UberFacts.