Category: tweets

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Funny Tweets About the “Murder Hornets”

Is it possible for 2020 to get worse? Millions of people are out of work, we’re not allowed to leave our houses, the news is filled with terrible stories every single night…

Oh, wait, here’s something else you can worry about now! MURDER HORNETS HAVE NOW ENTERED THE UNITED STATES.

Yes, you read that correctly. The deadly Asian hornet is here and they threaten to wipe out the honeybee population (and they kill up to 50 people a year in Japan). Man…I think we could all use a break from shitty world events for a while…but I guess we’ll have to keep waiting.

At least we can have some laughs, right?!?!

Here are some funny tweets about those damn murder hornets…hopefully, they’re not here to stay…

1. Thanks for the tip.

Hey, it might save your life one day…

2. Let’s really mess with everyone.

Can we please get a break? Please?

3. Sounds like it’ll be very soon.

Keep your fingers crossed.

4. They haven’t been charged with a crime…yet.

Lawyers are always doing this, aren’t they?

5. What’s next?

Can we really top this?

6. You need to chill, 2020.

For realz…it’s not cool anymore.

7. God is really…playing God right now.

Which I guess is in his job description.

8. It’s everywhere right now.

But hopefully, it won’t invade your area…

9. What else can we add to the list?

Giant robots with laser beams on their heads?

10. They’re very fine people, actually.

I’ve known them all my life.

11. I’ll show you how.

Is this all part of a big HOAX?

12. Can’t wait to tell the grandkids about it!

Back in my day…

13. What an elitist.

Always have to be a one-upper, don’t you?

What else could possibly go wrong this year?

Talk to us in the comments and brainstorm about how things can get even worse! This will be a fun experiment in despair and terror!

Good luck out there!

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Twitter Loves Chrissy Teigen and Here Are Some Good Examples of Why

Chrissy Teigen is a HUGE hit on Twitter with more than 12 million followers.

She’s open, honest, and she makes her followers laugh.

Teigen is also very well-rounded, as she’s an author, a mom, and a TV personality.

Let’s dig into some of the tweets that make a whole lot of people out there love Chrissy Teigen for just being herself.

1. Those poor paparazzi…

Might be time to give them a show.

2. Throwing some shade at her husband.

Do you think he appreciated this?

3. Keep an eye on that hamster.

Your pet might be upstaging you soon…

4. Hahahaha. Zing!

Just accept the hatred because you know it’s coming.

5. I need one of these, too.

I have a feeling she’d wear it out in public, too.

6. Wouldn’t that be something?

Stranger things have happened…especially in Hollywood.

7. That’s always a good move.

I don’t need to see that!

8. NMP = Not My Problem.

Better than silence.

9. Tomorrow will be different.

Just keeping telling yourself that.

10. Not the best decision.

Oh well, you can go get a new one.

11. The loneliness of fajitas.

The sizzle doesn’t quite matter when you’re by yourself.

12. Ummm, I think not.

What a weird headline.

She has been called the “Unofficial Queen of Twitter” and there’s the proof.

What do you think of Chrissy Teigen on Twitter?

Are there any other celebs you follow on Twitter who you think are just as funny or even funnier?

Please talk to us in the comments!

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Millennials Tweeted About All the Disasters They’ve Lived Through So Far

As much as everyone loves to make fun of Millennials and say that they’re lazy and soft, they’ve been through a lot of stuff in their lives.

I’m talking about big, major, life-changing events.

And just in case any of you out there forgot about any of those things, Millennials are taking to Twitter to remind everyone about all the awful stuff they’ve had to deal with.

Let’s take a look at what these folks had to say…

1. Think about it…

They’ve been through quite a bit.

2. The last one on that list is pretty rough.

At least we can all unite around not liking Carole Baskin.

3. You’re not a kid anymore…

A lot of sh*t to put up with.

4. Numbed to catastrophe.

This person is right on target.

5. That Cubs world series was a doozy.

I bet you never thought you’d see that one.

6. An unraveled world.

Let’s hope things start looking up!

7. What’s next?

We can only hope that things improve.

8. Back in my day…

You’ll have a lot of good stories.

9. Stop giving us crap!

A lot of big historical events have already gone down in their lives.

10. Think we can afford that?

Just waiting to see what happens next…

11. That old one-liner…

Doesn’t really ring true, now does it?

12. Why me, God?

That’s a good question…

Well, there you have it…

So what do you think?

Do Millennials have legitimate gripes or are they just whining?

Tell us what you think in the comments.

We look forward to hearing from you!

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Random, Hilarious Tweets to Get You Chuckling Today

Twitter is jam-packed with all kinds of hilarious people who make us laugh on a daily basis.

And since there are SO MANY funny folks out there, we like to do the hard work for you and narrow down the funny tweets into short articles so you can laugh your ass off and then get back to your day.

Just like that! Easy peasy!

Here is a good batch of tweets that are certain to make you LOL.

Enjoy!

1. She’s probably really bored.

Not on top of the world anymore, are you?!?!

2. I’ll be back, old friend.

You’ve been on a big journey.

3. Made you LOL.

I get it!

4. I’ve been doing this FOR YEARS.

And, you’re right, it never changes.

5. It really is almost impossible to open.

Should we write to our Senators about this?

6. Don’t mess with them.

Or maybe you could even join up!

7. Everything has been fixed now.

And we’re all homeowners!

8. This has nothing to do with the current situation.

This is everyday kind of stuff around here.

9. Remember those days?

Hopefully, they’re coming back soon!

10. A little something different.

That went very well…

11. Funny how that works…

Just be careful out there…

12. I’m way ahead of you!

Got mine delivered yesterday!

13. That is really not good.

Do you need some kind of intervention?

I don’t know about you, but I’m laughing…

Laughing a lot, actually!

Have you seen any really hilarious posts on social media lately?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

We look forward to hearing from you.

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Tweets That Remind Us We Have No Idea What Day It Is Right Now

The great Grouch Marx once said, “Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.” If you don’t get it at first go back and read it a few more times. It’s a delightfully confusing quote about time that keeps rolling through my head in an era when nobody, including me, seems to have any idea where we are chronologically, ever.

At least the people on Twitter are being funny about it. Here’s 14 examples of tweets about how we’re all sort of lost in the wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey stuff.

14. The 8 Commandments

Yeah I think I remember these from The Bible.

13. Days’d and confused

If my phone breaks I think I’ll actually lose my soul.

12. A Planner Darkly

Failing to plan is planning to fail.

11. Thank God it’s whatever

We can start drinking even earlier! Or later? I don’t know how it works now.

10. The days are years

We need a whole new set of idioms.

9. Time is relative

It’s always now.

8. Public service announcement

Quit trying to take Rebecca Black’s job, she has this ONE THING.

7. It slows

I don’t know what “take your time” even means anymore.

6. Eternal matrimony

For as long as you both shall live.

5. Hot take

Whoa there buddy, I’m on Twitter to have a good time.

4. I hate Mondays

I wonder how Garfield feels about this latest revelation.

3. Digital fatigue

Even our robot butlers are bored.

2. Show-offs

Nobody likes a bragger.

1. Oh no…

But the other tweet said…ah, nevermind.

Maybe it’s time to invest in the sundial market. That seems about as sensible as anything else right now!

Oh, also, what day is it?

Tell us in the comments. We genuinely don’t know.

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Funny Tweets About How Time Has No Meaning Anymore

Do you have the time? I mean, you probably do have some extra time right now. But like, do you know what time it is? Does anybody? If Twitter is any indication, the answer to that question is a firm “No.”

When your usual routine gets thrown off, it’s amazing how quickly your entire outlook goes into disarray. Lucky for us, some of the responses are really funny. Like these!

15. Dish, girl

It’s kinda like how geological time is measured in rock layers.

14. Ok, Google

This is all just a part of their plot to make us fully rely on them.

13. Underwhen

There’s a joke here about being “brief” that, to my eternal shame, I can’t seem to find.

12. Handy rhymes

Then another 90 days of fear,
For each month of the entire year

11. Time keeps on slippin’

Slippin’, slippin’, into the futuuuuure.

10. TGIW

Every day is Friday when nobody cares.

9. Homewreckers

I think maybe it’s Thruzeday?

8. It never ends

It’s a band, I think?

7. It all makes sense

Ushering in a new era.

6. Back to the future

A simpler time when time was literally simpler.

5. Nailed it

I mean, you have a clock and a calendar on your phone but ok.

4. A hard day’s night

I should be sleepin’ like a log.

3. Superimposition

It’s every day, every day.

2. Classic

Tell ’em, Peters.

1. April showers bring indifference

At least I’m the only one who has to deal with me.

Hope you enjoyed that list! But how long have you been looking at it? A couple of minutes? A week? WHAT YEAR IS IT?!

Any tips for keeping to a good schedule?

Drop ’em in the comments.

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Everybody’s Drinking on Zoom Now and We’re Totally Here for It

Can’t go to happy hour? You’ve always got the internet to keep you company while you’ve got a drink in your hand. Specifically Zoom, the video platform which has surged in popularity and found itself host to an unexpected array of makeshift online bars and parties.

It’s a phenomenon probably nobody would have predicted, but here we are. And Twitter is talking about it. A LOT.

14. Come on and Zoom

Brought to you by viewers like you.

13. Pace yourself

Or brace yourself.

12. Broadcast slumber

It’s like an accidental self-Truman Show.

11. Nothing to wine about

Hey, I can’t give you any good Riesling not to.

10. Party foul

Did you at least do it off camera?

9. Never grow up

The times they are a’changing.

8. Life as we know it

Leggo my ego.

7. The hangover

Welcome home?

6. White claws

Hey all you cool cats and kittens!

5. Drink & Ink

Gonna come out of this with some fresh tats.

4. Blanket statements

Hey, to each their own.

3. Cried and prejudice

When there’s nobody to hang out with in the afterglow.

2. Internal clocks

According to my watch, it’s tomorrow.

1. Reach for the stars

I guess this counts as trying out some new things?

Maybe this trend will become the new normal. If so, I’d like to claim a position as a virtual bartender. I won’t actually serve anybody drinks but I’ll take a rag and constantly wipe down my desk while saying things like “tell me about it” and “livin’ the dream!” I feel like that’s a service that needs to be filled, no matter the circumstance.

Have you had a drunk Zoom time?

Tell us about it in the comments.

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Tweets That Capture the Vibe of Our Wardrobe Choices Right Now

Even though the fashion industry is worth over a trillion dollars per year, if we all had our way, we’d probably just wear sweat pants and snuggies all the time. A lot of us have certainly learned that about ourselves, and many have taken to Twitter to express this inconvenient truth in hilarious ways.

Here are 13 examples of people who will never look at style choices the same way again.

13. All about me

Not caring what other people think is a lieeeeee.

12. Where to where?

Yanno maybe we never needed all those outfits.

11. Don’t be a scab

We’re all on strike from life, get in line.

10. Ready? FIGHT!

This is some subtle video game brilliance.

9. Lemons and lemonade

This joke has layers and it’s wonderful.

8. My big day

Why should you only get to wear it once, anyway?

7. Freedom

Burn that crap.

6. Denim deluxe

Well, look at Mr. Fancy Pants.

5. Keep it simple

And don’t even get me started on tying shoes.

4. My natural state

They mustn’t know this is the real me.

3. Changing standards

Look I don’t want to brag but I managed to clean an entire dish today.

2. Half asleep

The key to success is knowing you could totally go do stuff if you wanted to.

1. Don’t overpack

Again, the only conclusion I can come to here is that most of us just have way too many clothes.

If you happen to actually be wearing pants while reading this, I hope you enjoy your ivory towers, you elitist.

What’s your wardrobe been like lately?

Let us know in the comments.

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Funny About Everybody’s 2020 Wardrobe

Here’s a movie pitch: it’s like Toy Story except with clothes. A plucky wardrobe full of colorful characters have to team up to solve a mystery when, suddenly, nearly all of them stop being worn. I’d imagine that’s what a lot of our closets feel like, based on what people are saying on Twitter right now.

But while I’m looking for a producer who will finance this masterpiece, enjoy some tweets about what high fashion is like in 2020.

14. Lace-less

See, this is the inciting incident of the movie I was pitching.

13. Upper-crust

Oh, well, aren’t you just a fancy pants?

12. I am enough

Get out of here with that garbage.

11. RIP

Back in my day we paid good money for jeans like that.

10. Swim-where?

Weird motivational flex but OK.

9. Bye bye bags

The revolution has begun.

8. Camera angles matter

Bae caught me slippin’.

7. Winning

Don’t fly too close to the sun.

6. Beautiful lies

Come on Victoria’s Secret, who are you kidding?

5. Hat-itude

Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone…

4. Don’t sweat it

Oh, look at Mr. “I have multiple pairs of sweat pants” over here.

3. Choking hazard

Butt weight, there’s more!

2. Creatures of habit

It helps me pretend things are normal.

1. At least you tried

The important thing is that you stop doing that.

So we’re all a little sloppy. Big deal. There are far worse fates. We could go back to JNCO jeans.

We don’t mean this in a creepy way, but like, what are you wearing?

Share and compare in the comments.

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Tweets From People Who Have Been Inside For Way Too Long

Are you feeling a little stir-crazy? You’re not alone. I mean…you’re not alone in spirit, anyway. Twitter is currently full to the brim of people bouncing off the walls, and the upside of all that madness is that we get to peek in and giggle along.

Enjoy these ten tweets from those toughing it out in Twitter territory.

10. We’re all on a break

Well no one told you life was gonna be this way *clap clap clap clap clap*…

9. Keep your distance

If everybody could just kinda stay away from me for the rest of my life that would be great.

8. Hibernation chub

If you’re getting ripped right now, honestly, stop it.

7. Siesta fiesta

Time doesn’t mean a hell of a lot anymore, really.

6. Financial planning

And just like that I was a bonafide adult.

5. Wilson!

I still cry every time.

4. Extroverts unite

Comin’ out of my cage and I’ve been doin’ just fine.

3. Sleep is for the week

Who’s gonna stop me? Nobody, that’s who.

2. Beer battles

Looks like we’ve got an entirely new “c word.”

1. Mom’s spaghetti

You only get one shot…to eat as much as you want with absolutely no judgement.

Life ain’t easy, but at least we’ve got the warm light of these tweets to bask in. Go forth and vent your frustration to the world; if you’re clever enough about it, people might actually enjoy it quite a bit. You could get internet famous just by being discontent!

Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter right now?

Tell us about it in the comments.

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