People Who Left in the Middle of a Date Share What Happened

Have you ever been on a date that was so bad that you just got up and left in the middle of it? Or maybe you were on the receiving end of such a situation?

Either way, it’s awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

AskReddit users shared their stories where this took place.

1. Do you have the plague?

“I told her I was color blind, she recoiled and said it was “gross” and sat there looking at me like I had the plague or something.

I just sort of got up and left.

It was really odd.”

2. A little too pushy.

“She started talking about ‘our wedding’ and ‘our future kids’ on our first date. She wasn’t joking around, and when I told her that it was way too sudden to be talking about that, she looked at me quizically and said “Don’t you want to get married?”

First online date I’d ever gone on. Plenty of awkward ones after that (including the girl who got drunk then admitted she had an infant son and lived with her ex-husband), but that one took the cake.”

3. That’s very awkward.

“He brought another girl with him.

We had agreed to go for dinner, then see a movie together, not with anyone else, as a date. We had definitely agreed it was, in fact, a date. I would’ve understood if we hadn’t made it clear if it was a date, but we both knew it was.

Anyways, he shows up with another girl. He pretty much ignores me the entire time, the bitch is sneering at me when he isn’t looking. Why agree to a date when you’re going to bring another girl? He didn’t even tell me he was going to bring someone. He just did.

When we get to the movies, we take our seats, and I said ‘I’m going to the washroom’ and grabbed my stuff and left.”

4. By the way…

“Guy from OkCupid a few years back.

Takes me to a 5 star restaurant, I try to stick to the middle of the road drinks/food as it’s a first date. Dinner went really well so we decide to go for post-dinner drinks. I get to the point where I feel I should stop drinking since it’s a first date and I wasn’t really ready for him to see me trashed. He orders me another drink and then invites me over to his house because his wife is out of town.

Date over.”

5. What are your intentions?

“We met online.

She brought her sister on our first date. She never spoke and all her sister did was drill me about “my plans” and “my intentions.” After ordering she said “I hope you’re planning on paying. That’s what a real man would do on a first date.”

So I said “true but this wasn’t a date, it was a job interview” I dropped my half in cash and walked out. Btw I drove us there.

Never heard from them again.”

6. I’m very important.

“Blind date, Indian restaurant. First thing he does is produce a folder of photos of him and various celebrities. Shows me them, one by one. He keeps…clutching at me.

After about 15 minutes of this, I say “this isn’t really – I don’t think we’re compatible. I think I should go” and get up to leave. He stood up too, and shouted at me as I left. No, I did not look back.

This happened in the mid-1980s, so unless the guy you’re thinking of is now in his 70s, it’s not him.

Yes, a real manila folder, with 8×10 glossies, in a real manila enevelope. Mid 1980s. No Photoshop, no iphone.

The two celebs I remember seeing are Jimmy Carter and the Dalai Lama. Remember, this was 30 years ago.

No, I don’t remember what he was shouting. I was focused on GTFO of there, and as I said, 30 years ago.

No, I don’t remember which Indian restaurant, but it was in Cambridge MA. Yellow walls.

Yes, he was a Harvard man. No, he was not blind. A “blind date” is when somebody fixes you up with somebody you don’t know, or when you go out with somebody you’ve met via a dating service or ad. (No photos back then; just descriptions.)

Also, I am so glad this entertained you all. My operating principle re: nightmare experiences is “This is God’s way of giving us drinking stories.” You’ve proved me right.”

7. The baby was sober…

“Met girl online.

She shows up for our first date drunk, with her drunk friend… and one month old son that she had forgot to mention (baby was sober I think).

I excused myself to the restroom and ran like my ass was on fire.”

8. Sounds like a keeper.

“He was 45 minutes late, got mad that another guy had started chatting me up at the bar while I waited.

Then proceeded to tell me about the hidden satanic messages in the opening ceremony of the Olympics.”

9. Creeper City.

“I was in my late teens and went on a date with a friend of a friend. He seemed nice, and I got the OK from my bff, so I anticipated a pleasant, quiet evening – we were just going for frozen yogurt and TV at his house, after all. Well everything’s going smooth and he seems really sweet. He tells me he likes to write poetry and my teenage girl brain is thinking, “Wow! A sensitive guy! How refreshing.” Then he tells me that he wants to show me something. I assumed it was a poem he wrote because we had just talked about it.

ME: “Ok! What is it?”
HIM: “Well, it’s not ready yet, but it will be in a couple minutes.” As he leans over on his side, away from me. ME: Confused, because I’m expecting a poem… is he going to write a poem in a couple minutes? This is going to be awkward.

Then he starts making all these innuendos about what it is. I get annoyed because he sounds like he’s describing his penis, and the joke is dying fast. Finally, just to shut him up, I say, “If it’s your DICK then NO I DON’T want to see it!”

HIM: “Oh… okay then.” And he sits back normally on the couch. I’m super confused and think he’s pulling my leg. I ask if he’s kidding and says no. He seriously wanted to whip out his junk and show me.
ME: “What the hell am I supposed to say to you while your dick is out?!”
HIM: “Well, my last girlfriend told me she’d been waiting to see it all night.” ME: Stunned silence. Then, “Ohh…kay…”

Being the awkward teen I was, I sat back into the couch, not touching him (we had been cuddling up until that conversation) and uncomfortably waited out the remainder of whatever show was on TV – and then bolted.

After I got home, I called my BFF and frantically told her what had happened. Her response? “Ohhh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. He likes to do that.””

10. I’m a professional.

“OKcupid date – emailed back and forth, had some common interests, seemed like we would get along. We met up and got food, a couple drinks, seemed to be getting along well. Then he starts talking about how good he is at Karaoke.

He’s been in contests and won first place, he and his friends go all the time, etc. I tell him I’ve only done karaoke a few times, when very drunk and with a big group of friends. I also mention that I’m pretty sure I’m tone deaf. He tells me there is a Karaoke place only one block away!!!

I tell him I’m not interested. He tells me you get your own little booth. No one else will even hear you. You can pick whatever songs you want!!! No waiting while other people sing!!! It’s clear he’s not giving up, so I grab two shots of vodka and say fine, I’ll try it. We go to the karaoke lounge and get our booth and he does three or four songs perfectly. I start my first song and he starts criticizing me, and pointing out what i’m doing wrong WHILE I’m trying to sing.

Then he picks up the other mic and starts singing over me. I say fuck this and just get up to leave. He chases after me and tells me -” I need you to pay for half of this”. It’s $60. I look in my wallet, take out the only cash I had and said “here’s $20, and you can go fuck yourself”. Then he follows me to the bus stop and tried to make idle chit chat while I wait to get the fuck away from him.”

11. Show and tell.

“Had joined a new sports club and there was one guy who was quiet and kind of just hung around the periphery of the group. I felt kind of bad for him so was always trying to bring him into conversations and talk to him. One night we all went out for drinks after the game and I talked to him for awhile.

Conversation was hard work but he seemed like a nice guy. He texted and asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee. I wasn’t really interested but knew given how quiet he was that it probably took a ton of nerve to text me that and I thought maybe in a 1:1 environment he would be more comfortable and I could get to know him a little more.

We met at the coffee shop and he had a big backpack with him. We ordered drinks then chatted, with me again doing most of the talking – he rarely initiated but would answer questions. About 1/2 hour in he said he had a few things to show me to let me get to know him better. He then did a show and tell from his backpack pulling out various items and pictures and telling me about them.

Some were kind of interesting (a family trip) and some I had no idea how to respond to (here is a picture of how I had my hair cut in grade 8). He had stuffed animals and lots of items from his childhood. I kept trying to bring the conversation to the present to find out if the item linked to a current interest or hobby but he kind of had the story about each item rehearsed and he would go right back to the show and tell.

Eventually the table was full of stuff and I tried to politely say that I had seen enough and change the topic. He told me had still had more to show me. I ended up saying I felt sick and left. I felt kind of bad but it was just getting too weird.”

12. Blame it on the pot pie.

“I left in the middle of a movie once. The date was going great but I forgot that I had left a pot pie in the oven in my apartment (only broke college guys and old people eat pot pies). I remembered a few minutes in and whispered something along the lines of “gotta get my pot pie out of the oven so I don’t burn down my apartment I’ll be right back.”

I did return but she was pissed. Thought we could go see the pot pie and have a laugh. Arrived at my previously empty apartment to find my brother and the neighbor girls drunk and naked in my living room. Showed her the pot pie and she said something along the lines of “you’re an asshole take me home”.”

13. Two-timing.

“I’ve had a girl walk out on me, took me weeks to realise why.

This was date 3. We’d met initially at a nightclub randomly, kinda just said hi and our groups merged (the boys and her girls), met up a week later at a carnival and ha a great time.

This day in particular, we met up for a basic lunch at a nice little spot near my place and just had nothing to talk about (which was odd, she seemed semi vacant). Lunch goes by with small talk, we pay separately and she asks to come back to my place – no problems there, she’s an attractive girl and I have a penis. Anyhow, we get back to my place, she throws on a dvd while I snack up the coffee table and we start talking about pet peeves with the opposite sex.

Usual things come up first, like toilet seat positioning and ‘get ready time’ for outings. Somehow it leads on to a story about this girl I knew who was ‘dating’ me whilst having an actual boyfriend on the side, and how disrespectful it was in the end. She just goes pale white, grabs her stuff and makes some excuse about forgetting something at home.

I thought I’d maybe sounded a bit cocky or come across like a douchebag, kinda felt like an ass for a day or so and moved on. My housemate ran into her and her boyfriend shopping a week later. That was awkward.”

14. Well, that’s a little forward.

“Went to get coffee to test the waters with someone new.

First thing he did was ask me to turn around and lift my shirt so he can see my ass.

I got up, turned around and walked out the door.”

I can honestly say that I’ve never walked out of a date…even though I wanted to sometimes…

Has this ever happened to you? Or maybe you were the one who walked out?

Tell us about your bad date experiences in the comments!

The post People Who Left in the Middle of a Date Share What Happened appeared first on UberFacts.

Painful and Pretty Funny Tweets About Getting Ghosted

Ghosting seems to be a recent phenomenon in the dating world…or maybe we just came up with a word for something that’s always been around.

Whatever the case, getting ghosted is a major bummer and most of us have had it happen at least once in our lives.

Here are some funny and very accurate tweets about getting ghosted…good luck out there.

1. You should make it happen!

2. Honey…you’ve been ghosted.

3. Sounds kinda classy.

4. They need to get on this.

5. Sad, but true.

6. We’re in love.

7. It was fun while it lasted.

8. That’s a lot!

9. Not again…

10. A preemptive strike.

11. One way of looking at it.

12. It’s all the same.

13. I would be down with this.

14. Gone in an instant.

15. Doesn’t work that way…

Ouch…those sting a little bit, huh? Isn’t dating a blast?!?! Yeah…maybe not so much…

Have you been ghosted before? Or maybe you were the person who actually did the ghosting?

Either way, tell us what happened in the comments!

The post Painful and Pretty Funny Tweets About Getting Ghosted appeared first on UberFacts.

Redditors Share Their Most Precious Pet Moments

Give me a good ‘ol pet story and you’ll have me in the palm of your hand. I adore the human/pet dynamic and how they bond with their owners – especially dogs and cats.

And the best stories are always the ones where the pet surprises its owner with their amazinging-ness. Perhaps they had a bad day, or they’re simply chilling with Netflix. Doesn’t matter – when your pet does something that melts your insides to mush, that’s how we know the bond is real and worth it.

Reddit users took to the question, “What is the kindest thing a pet has done for you?” and we picked the top few. Here you go!

10. They know when to say good-bye

My old doge did me a kindness. I had her for 17 years. Got her long before the doge meme became a thing, and while she was difficult as hell (seriously, think twice before getting one of these dogs) she was my lifelong companion and I loved her to death.

She went downhill pretty quickly, and there was one day when I knew that it was time to take her to the vet one last time. I went to work and set about getting the arrangements together to take her in the next day. It was heartbreaking.

I got home, and she was out there in her favorite spot in the yard. Sometime after I’d left for work, she went out there, laid down in the sun, and went to sleep.

She was a good girl.”

9. How to break up any argument

“One time my family was discussing money and we started yelling at each other. It got pretty heated until my dog showed up, barked at us once to get our attention, and then dropped a potato that he dug up in the yard in front of us. He nudged it forward with his nose and gave us this “we good now?” Look. Everyone just started laughing and it calmed everyone down.”

8. Bonding through broken bones

“In late April 2007, I was called by a shelter in Louisville, Kentucky, to ask if I would rescue a dog that they’d picked up. ‘Jet’ was a young male Basset Hound who had been hit by a car and had a shattered leg. I ran the Basset Hound Rescue in Kentucky at the time. Of course I said I would take him. I got him transported down to me and got him to my vet.

There, they said it would cost around $3,000 to pin the leg back together but only $150 to amputate. Because it was a back leg, and he was not your typical deep-chested short-legged Basset, I opted for amputation.It was rough because as the bruising healed from the car accident, it strained against his stitches and I had to take him to the vet and have them keep him overnight while they took all the stitches out and let the wound drain.

We always had a number of foster dogs at our house and we also had a dog of our own who was pretty dominant. One day, about six weeks post amputation, Jeremiah (as I now named him given that he hopped like a bullfrog) was in the kitchen with a couple other dogs when two of the other ones got into a fight around him. Not wanting him injured, I scooped him up and turned to leave the kitchen.

As I was leaving, I hit my foot on the door frame breaking my foot. I ended up in the emergency room and that night came home on crutches. The next day I got up on the couch with a pillow under my leg, as I was told to stay off my feet and keep it elevated. Jeremiah decided he needed to comfort me as I had saved him in the middle of the fight. He struggled for a good 15 to 20 minutes until he was able to pull himself up onto the couch unaided. This was the first time he had gotten on the couch. I had him up for adoption but at that point I couldn’t let him go. I paid his adoption fee and I kept him.”

7. Presents come in living packages

“I was super sick with a kidney infection and hadn’t been able to really get out of bed for the past couple of days. My cat was with me for most of the time. She went out for a bit and when she came back, she jumped up on the foot on my bed and was really still. I knew something was up and sure enough she had a mouse/baby rat in her mouth. I jumped up and ran out of the room, she followed me with it.

My mom’s boyfriend who was also sick came out of their room to see what the commotion was.

He tried to get the mouse from her, but she wasn’t having any of that and clawed him. She went back outside and when she came back in she didn’t bring another gift, but just curled up and went to sleep. Looking back it’s kinda sweet. She brought me a present, tried to make sure that I saw by following me with it, and then fought someone trying to keep it.”

6. They are our healers

“I had a black Labrador called Ben. He was everyone’s best friend and my mum called him her wee shadow. My granny passed away in 2014 after quite a long traumatic few months. We were her carers and there right til the end so after she died home felt like it was in the middle of a storm. I remember going home to wash a few hours before it happened and Ben climbed on to the couch with me and pushed his head into my neck and let me just cry. A few days after she died my mum was sitting at the kitchen table just weeping inconsolably and Ben just walked up quietly and put his head on her lap. When she leaned in he started licking her tears and trying to get at her ears to make her laugh. Without him, I don’t think we would have got through those days. We talk about him all of the time so even though I can’t hold him or go to the river and see him stick his face under water, he’s always with us.He was the very best boy.”

5. Even the stubborn ones show love

“My aunt had this female cat named Gizmo when I was a kid. Gizmo was a savage bitch who had no time or patience for anyone. She spent most of her life outdoors. By choice of course. She had free reign and could come and go as she pleased. She’d come in at night to sleep and be back out again. She had no interest in people at all and chances are if you tried to touch her in any manner she’d f*** you up.

I was probably around 8 years old and I was spending a weekend at my aunts when I got the worst flu I ever had in my f***ing life. It was so bad I still remember it in vivid detail nearly 30 years later. I was sick for days and it was absolute agony.

About a day in I couldn’t take it anymore and I just started wailing. There I was laying on a pull out couch in the den surrounded by buckets, sweating, crying and begging for it to end, and in the house comes Gizmo.

This cat jumped up on the couch and cuddled me and licked me and did everything she could to comfort me. Not just for a little while, but for days. Through the entire ordeal. She stayed right there beside me only leaving to eat and head outside for a couple minutes at a time. She didn’t want anyone else near me either. If anyone got in arms reach of that couch she’d turn on them and chase them out.

I remember my aunt and cousins being amazed. To this day they still bring it up from time to time. That cat never showed an ounce of consideration for a human once before or after this event, but she was bound and determined to stick it out with me until the end and did just that.”

4. When souls collide

“My yellow lab knows me and my emotions to a near psychic level. When I’m stressed, she will come to me, and gently nuzzle her muzzle under my arm. She’ll cuddle up by my side, and just sit with me. It’s the dog version of taking me in her arms, to just hold me.

When I’m in a good mood, she will smile her dog smile, and wag her whole butt. When I’m home, she’s by my side. She understands a sizeable vocabulary, and I swear, she even understands my lame jokes (because I talk my dog like she’s a person). She has a look that’s kindly patronizing, that she’ll give me.

Our souls are intertwined.”

3. They give big smiles and licks to wash away our tears

“We’ve only had my dog (a rescue) for a few months. Despite his large size, this poor pooch is afraid of just about everything and often looks to me for assurance and guidance so usually I’m the one who’s comforting him.

But, just today I came home in a terrible mood. I had just finished crying ten minutes prior and as soon as I open the door this big goof comes galloping towards me with the dopiest smile on his face… Typically he’s a very lazy dog who never wants to play, but instantly he wanted to rough house. We played for a good half an hour chasing each other around and play fighting then afterwards he gave me a good cuddle.

Whether it was intentional or not, I felt a lot better very quickly.”

2. Real life Lassies do exist

“My family had a German shepherd when I was young. She was part of a line of police K9s and was the smartest dog I’ve ever known. One time we were at a remote job site my dad was working at. There was an old abandoned cemetery in a grove of trees a couple hundred yards away. My brother and I were playing near the job site when Cop Girl, our imaginatively named K9, came running over and circling us. There was no mistaking that she wanted us to follow her to the graveyard, but my brother and I were 6 and 8 at the time and too afraid to follow so we went and got our dad. He followed Cop Girl to the woods, and found that my mom had gone to explore the graveyard and twisted her ankle, falling into a bed of fire ants. She was eaten up pretty badly and rushed to the hospital. She had to wear some body wrappings for awhile but came out of it OK. She said she told Cop Girl to get help and without hesitation she had bolted off for us.

So I’d say possibly saving my mom’s life was a pretty kind act.”

1. Dogs will share their favorite things

My dog doesn’t let her toy carrot out of her sight, NEVER ever let anyone touch it etc. She protects it like her life depends on it. Growls, snarks, even bit my mom once when she tried to wash it.

I’ve been going through sh** and I was crying on my bedroom floor, at first she just came and lay next to me (which in and of itself is adorable), and then she brought me her carrot, and at first I didn’t react much cuz I was quite .. busy crying, so she started nudging it at me and poking me with it, got on my lab and put it on my chest and sh** and ffs that made me happy cry even more. Once I took it, she just lay next to me. That was so pure. She gave me what she felt was the most important thing ever and waited for the effect of said important thing she valued. We. Don’t. Deserve. Dogs.”

 

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People Discuss What Makes Them Immediately Lose Romantic Interest in Someone

You’ve probably been here before: you’re talking to someone or maybe you’re on a first date, things seem to be going just fine and then, BOOM…they say or do something that immediately makes you lose interest.

You know what I’m talking about, right?

AskReddit users shared the things that make them immediately lose interest in a person…let’s take a look.

1. So, back to me…

“When you come to them with a problem and they turn it into a conversation about them.”

2. Pity party.

“If they constantly make you feel bad for them. Felt so bad and was so worried about him for so long that the one time I needed the emotion I couldn’t have it.”

3. Take it down a notch.

“When they don’t know the difference between being funny and being obnoxious.”

4. I’ll take your word for it.

“If they say the words “I know I’m an asshole/bitch”. Like okay I’ll take your word for it. Also if it becomes apparent that they have no self-awareness.”

5. Forget the haters.

“They enjoy putting other people and their hobbies down.”

6. I’m back!

“Ghosting you then suddenly popping up out of the blue when they want attention. Yes Brittany I know what is happening when you call me, you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel and I resent the fuck out of being the bottom (wait that could mean another thing but you know the thing I mean.)”

7. Lack of situational awareness.

“Don’t know how to act in public/ are unaware of feelings other than their own.”

8. Who is the real problem here?

“If ALL of their exes were “toxic” or “crazy”

We all have one or two bad ones, but seriously it’s not ALWAYS that.”

9. That’s gross.

“Doing dumb things and should know better. We had a new guy join our Friday social group. Very nice guy. Attractive. At the bar, he took his old gum out of his mouth and stuck it to the bottom of the table. Really? So trashy.”

10. Definitely not cool.

“Selfishness. I am very considerate of others and I am slowly learning that I think I need someone that is too.”

11. Gimme something!

“When they have seemingly no opinion, no voice. When every answer is “I don’t care” or “I don’t know.” Like Jesus Christ I’m trying to find out what you like so that we can talk. Gimme something!”

12. Sounds pretty classy.

“Chewing tobacco. I’m also not a fan of smoking, but it’s not necessarily an instant deal breaker like chewing tobacco is. The truth is, I have seen too many men who would sit there and chew tobacco and then spit it into an empty Dr. Pepper bottle, and it grosses me out more than I can express.”

13. Let’s not meet again.

“Went out with a guy once who talked 90% of the time, 85% of that being about how much money he had made, how much he spent on his now ex wife, all the nice cars he had… I picked HIM up because he didn’t have a ride to meet up. He was legitimately confused why I didn’t want to spend the night with him when I went to drop his ass off. Never saw him ever again.”

14. This! Yes!

“Being rude to customer service people.”

15. Ugh! Run for the hills!

“If they say I love you on the first date. Creepy AF.”

I had a feeling these responses would be pretty enlightening.

Now it’s your turn! What immediately turns you off from a person?

Tell us about it in the comments!

The post People Discuss What Makes Them Immediately Lose Romantic Interest in Someone appeared first on UberFacts.

These Tweets Show Prove That the Dating World Sure Is Rough

Dating can really be a drag. Especially these days with all the dating apps and the pressure to find the right person.

And once you do commit to a date, you never know who you’ll be dealing with for the evening. There are a lot of weirdos out there…

Let’s hear some dating stories that might make you get rid of your Tinder app once and for all.

1. That wasn’t nice.

2. Was he impressed?

3. That’s a power move in my book.

4. They sound like a solid group of fellas.

5. Joke’s on you.

6. Trying to seal the deal.

7. Date = Over.

8. I don’t know…

9. He was a gem.

10. Thanks for letting me know.

11. Just trying to relate.

12. Not even mad.

13. How do you even get that pronunciation?

14. Are you still an idiot?

15. Okay, that’s really bad.

Ugh, those tweets definitely brought back some painful memories for me…

How about you? Have you had a hard time in the dating world?

Open up to us in the comments. We’re here for you!

The post These Tweets Show Prove That the Dating World Sure Is Rough appeared first on UberFacts.

These Comments from Grandparents Should Keep You Laughing

Grandparents are the best! They tell stories from the “good old days” and give awesome fashion advice. Take a gander at these Reddit users and the hilarious things they learned or heard from their older loved ones.

1. I don’t get it

My dad calls dubstep “The Devil’s Dialup Tone” or just “The Garbage Disposal.” He’s had a couple more, but he uses those a lot.

Also, whenever he has to go to the bathroom, he says, “I have to poop like a park ranger.” I still don’t get it.

2. Just go!

I take my grandma out to run her errands and get her out of the house for a while. One day we were in a rush to get somewhere, we came to an intersection and the light turned red right before we got there. She looks at me and says “run it, just go.” Being the good grandson I am, I do so. As we pass, she waves to the oncoming cars and says “toodle-loo!”

3. Lol, tree donkeys

My grandfather used to hide behind the BBQ on his patio and shoot squirrels with a super-soaker when they would try to loot the bird feeder. He would yell “Not today tree donkeys” then come back in the kitchen chuckling to himself. I miss that goofy man.

4. Straight up

Maybe not the funniest thing he’s said, but my 93 year old grandfather when he had his picture taken: “I wish I had a camera. I’d take a picture of myself every day because I’m so damn handsome.”

5. Miscommunication

My grandparents told me this story one time. It was their “coming of age” when they realized they’re two old people now.

Grandpa is trying to get past my grandmother who is loading pre made pies into the freezer. Grandpa says, “Can I get by?”

Grandma grabs her pies and says, “What kind?”

Grandpa checks his watch and says, “Quarter after three”.

Both said they didn’t even realize it until ten minutes later, when my grandpa called my grandma old.

6. Tattoo=Jerk

I’m an EMT, we were taking a 90-something year old man to the ER, and as I was putting the cuff on his arm to get a blood pressure, he sees my tattoo on the inside of my forearm and asks “is that a tattoo?” I say “yes it is, sir” he looks me in the eye and says “well then, that makes you a jerk!” and didn’t say another word to me. I wasn’t even mad, it was too funny.

7. I like big butts and I cannot lie

My grandfather explaining the story of how he met my grandma: “I saw her walking down the street with her friends and picked out the greatest butt.” Short and sweet.

People Recount Their First Kiss Horror Stories

It’s a rite of passage for young people. And old people too I guess, depending on when you started getting busy. Regardless of the age, everyone remembers their first kiss. Maybe it was great. Maybe it was terrible.

Take a look at the 13 AskReddit entries below to see if your experience measures up.

1. Teeth!

I was 14 and she grabbed me and she whacked her teeth against mine. She was pretty embarrassed because it was her first kiss also so we just laughed it off and tried again. I ended up dating that girl for almost 2 years and then she cheated on me.

2. Alaskan Air

Homecoming freshman year. Wore too much makeup and a horrible velvet dress. The hottest guy on the swim team had been flirting with me for weeks. Went outside to his car to say goodbye. He kissed me and I all but melted. Like a bad paperback romance the world went silent all I could feel were his warm lips and the cool alaskan air. When he pulled back he said ” you really need to learn how to do that.” It was horrible…

3. Sleep-Away Camp

Summer sleep-away camp. I was maybe 10 or 11. The boys came over for a dance. One of them danced with me and held my hand all night. I tried to get him to sit with me and “look at the stars.” As soon as he looked up I grabbed him and gave him a peck on the lips. He literally RAN away.

What a f**king tease.

4. Drool

Truth or dare in 7th grade. It was her first kiss too, and we just sort of sloppily drooled all over each other while 6 other kids awkwardly cheered for us. Then the weird kid Nick, ate a caterpillar.

5. Just breathe

…My family and her family have been close for a long time and we’d known each other forever. Our families were on vacation together in Key West, Florida and we were alone one night on a pier. We had both hinted at liking each other for a while and it just happened. I passed out about five seconds after the kiss (the kiss lasted about thirty seconds). I woke up on a park bench with her sitting over me asking if I was okay. She and I are still close (in a more than friendship way) to this day, but sadly due to distance it’s never gone anywhere.

6. Church Dance

It was horrible. I thought you HAD to French kiss and I thought that meant doing all sorts of flipping and twirling motions with my tongue. I was 13 at a church dance and I convinced a girl to be my girlfriend. From there it was 45 seconds of the most distrusting and overbearing tongue assault known to mankind. Within 15 hours she broke up with me. I learned that kissing should be a bit more civil.

7. Watch the nose

It went absolutely horrible. It was a first kiss for both of us. Both of us closed our eyes, he opened his mouth and I didn’t. The result was a tongue up my nose. I do not recommend the experience.

Woman Edits People’s Toxic Exes out of Photos for a Cheap Price

Now this is a brilliant business idea!

A Twitter user who goes by the handle @hexappeal has become quite popular lately because she will perform a very important service for you for an incredibly reasonable price.

She’ll use her impressive photo editing skills to remove your terrible ex from old photos. For only $15 a pop, you never have to look at awful person ever again! She originally started out with a $10 fee, but as demand grows, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Here’s a little message about the price increase.

 

Here’s another great example of her work.

Boyfriend? What boyfriend? I don’t remember that guy. It’s like in Back to the Future when Marty McFly’s family is slowly disappearing from that snapshot. Except this time it can be permanent!

I’m sure a lot of us could do a halfway-decent Photoshop edit to try to remove those toxic folks from our memories forever, but this woman has some serious skills, so why not throw a little cash her way and she’ll do a bang-up job? Don’t be a cheapskate, okay? You’ll thank me later.

Sometimes, social media can really be used for good.

Is this a million-dollar idea, or what? Heck, it might even be a billion-dollar idea…

The post Woman Edits People’s Toxic Exes out of Photos for a Cheap Price appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Brutally Funny Tweets About Married Life

Marriage is a beautiful union between two people where all your dreams immediately come true…right?

Well, maybe it’s not exactly the fairy tale it’s made out to be…

Or maybe these people just have really good senses of humor and want to put their partners on blast?

Either way, these tweets are winners!

1. What’s it gonna be?

2. It’s over!

3. Pretty much everything.

4. Things are heating up.

5. She’s winning this one.

6. I can’t believe it’s not working.

7. Son of a…

8. Now what…?

9. I’m gonna score!

10. What am I doing here?

11. Sparks are flying.

12. Not in my house!

13. The natural progression of things.

14. No, I can’t.

15. Where the hell were you?

Those seem pretty on point…even though I’m not married. But hey, they seem right on the money to me!

What do you think? Do these tweets illustrate marriage realistically?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

The post 15 Brutally Funny Tweets About Married Life appeared first on UberFacts.

Take a Look at These ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ Tweets to Keep Up to Speed

Now’s the time for all the guys out there to listen up. The ladies are pretty sick and tired of being treated the way they have been, so they’ve taken to Twitter to vent their frustrations.

There is a lot of good information in here that I think everyone can benefit from.

So let’s take a look at these ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ tweets to educate ourselves.

1. First and foremost.

2. Just don’t do it.

3. They’re your kids, dude.

4. Kinda funny, isn’t it?

5. We’re equal, huh?

6. You’re full of it.

7. That doesn’t impress them.

8. This is a good one.

9. Don’t owe you anything.

10. And then there are these guys…

Pretty interesting and informative, if I do say so myself.

Ladies and gentlemen, what do you think? Do these things affect your relationships?

Tell us about it in the comments!

The post Take a Look at These ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ Tweets to Keep Up to Speed appeared first on UberFacts.