Jolabokaflod is a Christmas Eve tradition in Iceland where friends and family get together to exchange books and then they all read them together while eating chocolate and drinking cocoa.
Here Are Some Funny Jokes About White Elephant Parties
Have you been to a White Elephant party before? Or perhaps you call it a Yankee Swap or a Dirty Santa party?
They’re a lot of fun – folks bring gifts to trade, and guests have the option to “steal” gifts from other people. It can get heated, and it’s even more fun when there are totally inappropriate presents involved!
If you’ve been to these parties, these will look familiar. If not, get yourself to one this year if you can!
1. You don’t say!
Teen came home wearing a fluorescent alligator around her neck she won from a white elephant exchange. She's shocked no one else wanted it.
— Jessica Watson (@JessBWatson) December 13, 2011
2. Uh oh…
A white elephant gift exchange is a great way to secretly resent someone for swiping the dollar store bath bomb you didn't think you wanted until you were stuck with the dollar store candle.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 24, 2018
3. Not gonna make it this year.
Whether you call it the Dirty Santa game, call it the White Elephant exchange or call it Yankee Swap, I will call to cancel my attendance.
— Emily Volman (@emilyvolman) December 21, 2014
4. Some might even call it trash.
White elephant gift ideas: fuzzy toilet seat cover, half-eaten box of risotto, other stuff you have lying around…
— Abbi Holidays Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 6, 2012
5. Might as well.
An easy, festive way to dump someone at the holidays is box up all their stuff and stick it in the pile at a White Elephant gift exchange.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 30, 2014
6. Swap with the Big Boss?
Just hear me out: paycheck Yankee swap.
— Pickles (@plee_mcc) July 8, 2011
7. Might turn into a free-for-all.
You don't know hysteria until you've played Dirty Santa with 10 girls under 13 and a One Direction toothbrush gets in the game.
— Robin O'Bryant (@robinobryant) December 26, 2012
8. Just like The Hunger Games.
Every time I play White Elephant, I always say I’m not gonna get too intense. But 10 minutes in, I’m already yelling at people I’ve never met. Then by the end, I’m chasing Nikita down the block, in the pouring rain, for a pair of sunglasses. I need help.
— Rachel Ballinger (@MissRBaller) December 7, 2019
9. They always dreamed of this.
I wonder if my parents' dreams for my future included making things awkward by bringing a sex book to the neighborhood white elephant party.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 7, 2015
10. Conspiracy theory.
I think that White Elephant gift exchanges are a conspiracy started by Goodwill to rotate stock from store to store. But it sure is fun.
— The Captain (@acjlist) December 12, 2015
11. Could be your meal ticket.
My teen went to a white elephant party and gave a wind-up worm that inches along, which was stolen several times during the exchange. Now my other teen is seeing that worm all over her snapchat. If that worm gets famous and we just let it inch right out the door I will be pissed.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) December 11, 2019
12. Mine!
#tbt When you get the best gift in a white elephant gift exchange. https://t.co/aROfx8rQRQ
— Hepsi…. (@serdargoknur) January 10, 2016
13. Trying to tell you politely…
I won handmade soap in the Dirty Santa game at my husband’s office party & TWO different ppl said, “That’s perfect for you!” Soooo, I smell.
— Emily Volman (@emilyvolman) December 9, 2012
14. I’m here to file a complaint.
Bitch i bought a fucking $60 coffee maker for white elephant and ended up with popcorn. I’m going to HR in the morning
— vern (@DopeChubbyChick) December 21, 2018
15. You won 2019.
Went to a white elephant party tonight & I’m gonna say I was the big winner… pic.twitter.com/2vi0niIw7Y
— Amber (@AmberGlowYoga) December 8, 2019
Tell us all about your holiday parties this year!
How’d they go? Any drama? Any hilarity?
We’re dying to hear from you!
The post Here Are Some Funny Jokes About White Elephant Parties appeared first on UberFacts.
Check out Everything That’s Coming to Netflix in January 2020
A new year: a new list of movies to watch on Netflix.
January 2020 looks pretty darn promising as far as Netflix movie titles go, which means you’re gonna want to read over this entire list. There are some real gems on here, we promise – so get ready to update your Netflix queue!
Here is every movie that is coming to Netflix in January.
Jan. 1
Ghost Stories — NETFLIX FILM
Messiah — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Nisman: Death of a Prosecutor — NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY
Spinning Out — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The Circle — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Good Girls, Season 2
21
A Cinderella Story
American Beauty
Catch Me If You Can
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Chasing Amy
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chloe
City of God
Dinner for Schmucks
Dragonheart
Dragonheart 3: The Sorcerer
Dragonheart: A New Beginning
Drugs, Inc., Season 6
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Free Willy
Ghost Rider
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Hitch
Inception
Instructions Not Included
Julie & Julia
Kate & Leopold
Kill Bill: Vol. 1
Kill Bill: Vol. 2
Kingpin
Kiss the Girls
Monster-in-Law
New York Minute
Pan’s Labyrinth
Patriot Games
Saint Seiya, Season 4-5
Seal Team Six: The Raid on Osama Bin Laden
Shrek Forever After
Strictly Ballroom
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
The Original Kings of Comedy
The Ring
The Talented Mr. Ripley
Tremors
True Grit
Up in the Air
What Lies Beneath
Wild Wild West
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
Wyatt Earp
Yes Man
Jan. 2
Sex, Explained: Limited Series — NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY
Thieves of the Wood — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jan. 3
Anne with an E: The Final Season — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
All the Freckles in the World — NETFLIX FILM
Jan. 4
Go! Go! Cory Carson — NETFLIX FAMILY
Jan. 8
Cheer — NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY
Jan. 10
AJ and the Queen — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Giri / Haji — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Harvey Girls Forever!, Season 4 — NETFLIX FAMILY
The Inbestigators, Season 2 — NETFLIX FAMILY
Medical Police — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Scissor Seven — NETFLIX ANIME
Until Dawn — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Zumbo’s Just Desserts, Season 2 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The Evil Dead
Jan. 12
Betty White: First Lady of Television
Jan. 13
The Healing Powers of Dude — NETFLIX FAMILY
Jan. 14
Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts — NETFLIX FAMILY
The Master
Jan. 15
Big Fat Liar
Quien a hierro mata — NETFLIX FILM
Grace and Frankie, Season 6 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jan. 16
NiNoKuni — NETFLIX ANIME
Steve Jobs
Jan. 17
Ares — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Hip-Hop Evolution, Season 4 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Sex Education, Season 2 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Tiny House Nation: Volume 2
Tyler Perry’s A Fall from Grace — NETFLIX FILM
Vivir dos veces — NETFLIX FILM
Wer kann, der kann! — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jan. 18
The Bling Ring
Jan. 20
Family Reunion: Part 2 — NETFLIX FAMILY
Jan. 21
Fortune Feimster: Sweet & Salty — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Word Party, Season 4 — NETFLIX FAMILY
Jan. 22
Pandemic: How to Prevent an Outbreak — NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY
Playing with Fire, Season 1
Jan. 23
The Ghost Bride — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
October Faction — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The Queen
SAINT SEIYA: Knights of the Zodiac, Season 1 / Part 2 — NETFLIX ANIME
Jan. 24
A Sun — NETFLIX FILM
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: Part 3 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The Ranch: The Final Season — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Rise of Empires: Ottoman — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jan. 26
Vir Das: For India — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jan. 27
Country Strong
We Are Your Friends
Jan. 28
Alex Fernández: El mejor comediante del mundo — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jan. 29
Frères Ennemis — NETFLIX FILM
Next In Fashion — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Night on Earth — NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY
Omniscient — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jan. 30
Ainori Love Wagon: African Journey — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Nighthawks
View this post on Instagram
Raising Cain
The Stranger — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jan. 31
37 Seconds — NETFLIX FILM
American Assassin
Bojack Horseman, Season 6 (Part B) — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Diablero, Season 2 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
I AM A KILLER, Season 2 — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Luna Nera — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Ragnarok — NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The post Check out Everything That’s Coming to Netflix in January 2020 appeared first on UberFacts.
5 Interesting Christmas Traditions From Around the World
If you’re an American like yours truly, you have Christmas down pat here in the good old USA. We know the Christmas traditions, the songs, the pop culture surrounding it, and we know all about the good food we eat every December 25.
But what do folks do in other countries to celebrate this holiday?
Here are five interesting and unusual Christmas traditions from around the globe that you might not know about.
1. Japan
This one is very unusual, but who are we to judge? In Japan, people enjoy eating Kentucky Friend Chicken on Christmas Eve. Only one percent of the Japanese population is actually Christian, but KFC’s “Christmas Chicken” bucket is a huge hit in the country.
In 2016, an estimated 3.6 million families celebrated Christmas Eve this way in Japan. The tradition dates back to 1974 when a group of foreigners in Japan couldn’t find a turkey and decided to go to KFC instead. KFC saw it as a good marketing opportunity, and the rest is history. Today’s version consists of chicken, cake, and champagne.
2. Ukraine
In Ukraine, people decorate their trees with fake spiders and webs. Why, you ask? According to that country’s folklore, there was a poor, single mother who couldn’t afford to put any decorations on her family’s Christmas tree. One night while the family was sleeping, a spider spun a beautiful web and decorated the tree. The sun turned the web silver and gold and the poor family never needed anything ever again.
A nice story, I think.
3. Guatemala
On December 7 at 6 o’clock in the evening, Guatemalans build bonfires to “burn the devil.” This tradition kicks off the Christmas season in Guatemala every year, and it especially popular in Guatemala City as a way to honor the city’s patron saint during the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.
The tradition started with a simple fire during colonial times, then over the years devil figures and even devil piñatas have been added to the mix. It’s estimated that 500,000 bonfires now burn in Guatemala every December 7.
4. Greenland
Greenland doesn’t get a lot of mentions in the history books, but they do have an interesting Christmas tradition that’s worth noting. In that country of only 55,000 people (that’s half the size of Boulder, Colorado), the men serve the women their meals at Christmas. What’s the meal? Strips of whale blubber known as “mattak.” Dessert usually consists of porridge with butter, cinnamon, and sugar.
5. Venezuela
This might be the best Christmas tradition I’ve ever heard! In Caracas, Venezuela, people strap on roller skates to head to church on Christmas Eve. The story goes that kids are supposed to go to bed with a piece of string tied to their toes and their foot dangling out of a window. People skating by the windows tug on the toe strings letting kids know it’s time to roller skate to mass. Despite the fact that people probably don’t sleep with their feet hanging out of the window, Venezuelans still roller skate to mass to this day.
When mass is over, people get together for food, music, and dance. I like this idea!
The post 5 Interesting Christmas Traditions From Around the World appeared first on UberFacts.
Funny Tweets About the Ridiculousness of Office Holiday Parties
Working in an office can be soul-sucking, but there’s always one cool, positive thing on the horizon…the office holiday party.
They usually spin wildly out of control, and you never know what’s gonna happen on that night.
Will Bob from Accounting take off his pants again? Will Judy from Shipping and Receiving spike the eggnog? Will there be any fistfights between different departments?
You just never know!!!
1. That’s never a good thing to hear.
Every coworker I've interacted with since the holiday party last Friday has opened the conversation with some variation of "there he is" or "how did the rest of your night go?" so that's a good sign I think
— noam (@noampao) December 12, 2019
2. We survived…somehow.
Everyone who made it to work today after our office holiday party last night is acting like they survived Vietnam. Someone just referred to a co-worker as "brother".
—
Benny Katz
3. Prepare yourself.
My office holiday party is tonight where formal wear is required, people got hotel rooms, and we’re getting out early to get ready, it’s basically highschool where I’m forced to go to prom and I’m scared
— lili michelle (@lilsmichelle) December 13, 2019
4. All by yourself.
When you show up to the office on time the morning after the company’s holiday party pic.twitter.com/nSymFE4OX2
— Boosh (@whatsupboosh) December 13, 2019
5. Nice one!
my office crush bumped into me while I was drinking wine and apologized so I tried to say “no worries” but my mouth was full so I drooled wine on myself how’s everyone else’s holiday season going
— Cherokee McAnelly (@cherokeeclare) December 12, 2019
6. Where’d this come from?
I’m at this casino-themed holiday party for my j*b and I’m just sitting here amazed bc I didn’t realize we had the money for all this
— Donovan (@d0n0vaaaan) December 13, 2019
7. A perfectly fine excuse.
My boss hates going to office events so much that he told me he was skipping the holiday party tonight because he had to meet his son’s cat.
— Legally Caffeinated (@LCaffeinated) December 13, 2019
8. So…
We have reached the “so, are you bringing a plus one to the holiday party??” season of office small talk and, dear reader, here’s hoping your answer does not disappoint
— Priyanka Aribindi (@priaribi) December 13, 2019
9. Must’ve been one hell of a cake.
me calculating how much I spent on a cookie cake for the company party so I could be reimbursed https://t.co/wbuvqglVsh
— ducki (@DUCKIGYAL) December 13, 2019
10. Standing ovation.
Yall.. the bar at my company's holiday party is self serve pic.twitter.com/ljnV0TJWhJ
— C. (@chrystiandior) December 13, 2019
11. Misread the vibe on this one.
There’s nothing like showing up to a company holiday party and seeing how great everyone looks in their Christmas dresses & suits!
(You notice it more when you didn’t know that was the vibe & you yourself are in jeans, a sweater & combat boots.)
— Kat Timpf (@KatTimpf) December 11, 2019
12. These are delicious!
Them cheesecake bites at them holiday party’s hit different when you ain’t pay for them
— TaReef KnockOut
(@TaReefKnockOut) December 13, 2019
13. Much better than a bonus, right?
One time at an office Christmas party, me & the other staff were hoping for Christmas bonuses because the HR dept had been teasing a "surprise gift" from our CEO. Then, with great drama, they revealed the gift was a man playing holiday songs on an acoustic guitar at top volume.
— Emily Gaudette, Holidaze edition (@emilygmonster) December 6, 2019
14. Here we go…
*One drink in at the office holiday party*
My brain: Don't say anything weird.
Me: pic.twitter.com/gpBiBtPO7x— ??? & ?????: ??? (@nbcsvu) December 13, 2019
15. Don’t do it!
Me holding in my political rant 3 bottles of wine deep at my office party tonight pic.twitter.com/g5z2q8wACc
— Hattie (@HattieJoness) December 13, 2019
Have you had any hilarious/ridiculous/amazing/crazy experiences at holiday parties at work?
Share your wild tales in the comments!
The post Funny Tweets About the Ridiculousness of Office Holiday Parties appeared first on UberFacts.
Funny Tweets About the Temptation of Christmas Cookies
The Christmas season comes with a lot of familiar traditions: parties, gifts, travel, holiday movies and music…and cookies…LOTS AND LOTS OF COOKIES.
I think we’re all going to be dreaming of sprinkles for the next three months because we’re cramming so many of these babies in our mouths right now…
Let’s take a look at the tweets.
1. That’s why.
5-year-old: We have to eat all the Christmas cookies.
Me: Why?
5: So Mom makes more Christmas cookies.
Me: *starts eating all the cookies*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 21, 2017
2. A perfect plan.
A Single Jewish Girl's Guide to Christmas Eve: "Well SOMEbody in this house has to eat all of these cookies tonight if Santa isn't coming."
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) December 25, 2014
3. A precarious game.
My mouth is playing a losing game of Just The Tip with this Christmas tree cookie.
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) December 23, 2013
4. It’s gonna get ugly.
You think you cringed watching your kids decorate the Christmas tree? Wait until they help bake cookies.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 8, 2018
5. You do you.
"O, night. O night divine," I sing softly as I prepare to eat an entire batch of Christmas cookies all by myself.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 28, 2016
6. Good job!
Me: what was your favorite part of our Christmas party? Friends? Staying up late? Knowing Christmas is soon?
5: nobody knew how many cookies I took from the table. I must have had 20.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) December 17, 2017
7. No self-control.
Me: I always get sick just before Christmas.
Him: Do you get flu shots?
Me: Why? Would they stop me from over-eating Christmas cookies?
—
Just Linda
8. Why am I doing this?
Baking Christmas cookies with your kids is a great way to question all of your life choices.
— Foxy Wine Pocket (@FoxyWinePocket) December 12, 2016
9. Santa’s in for a surprise.
If all the Christmas cookies turn out like the ones my kids just made we may have to leave Santa fortune cookies.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 8, 2019
10. Explain that one.
ok i just watched The Knight Before Christmas and I need to know why they used BREAD FLOUR to make COOKIES, but ALL PURPOSE FLOUR to make BREAD??? pic.twitter.com/EDGoFbwnX6
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) November 24, 2019
11. You ARE an all star!
'hey now, you're an all star' i cry sing, cramming a tenth christmas cookie in mouth
— beth, christmas being over enthusiast (@bourgeoisalien) December 25, 2018
12. They’re long gone.
That moment when you finally finish the last batch of rolled Christmas cookies and your kids lost interest 40 mins ago.
— Jenna Fischer (@jennafischer) December 21, 2016
13. A long process.
"Ugh! Why do Christmas cookies take so long to make?"
-me, while placing break-n-bake dough on the cookie sheets
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 22, 2016
14. You must finish the job.
I was supposed to go to bed an hour ago, but these Christmas cookies aren't going to eat themselves.
— Nicole Chung (@nicolesjchung) December 23, 2014
15. Tips from Mom.
"I want you to make a Christmas cookie where people look at it and say, 'wow, that looks like a Christmas cookie.'"
– my mother— wikipedia brown aka silk bonnet spectre (@eveewing) December 24, 2015
Do you tend to go overboard on the cookies around this time of year?
Don’t feel bad about it! We do it, too!
The post Funny Tweets About the Temptation of Christmas Cookies appeared first on UberFacts.
Check out These Hilarious Tweets About Christmas Wish Lists
It’s time to double-check those Christmas wish lists your kiddos gave you so you can make sure they have the best holiday ever…or at least until they present you with next year’s list…
Let’s take a deep dive into some hilarious Christmas lists from kids who will hopefully get everything they asked for this year…
1. “Fake head that is not alive.”
The three year old i watch had her older brother write her Christmas list & i…. pic.twitter.com/cTnyfOqHsF
— han (@hahahannahcf) December 10, 2019
2. That’s a lot!
My 10 year old daughter must be out of her mind with this Christmas list
pic.twitter.com/Qqsje79rda
— @A_Johnson412 (@a_johnson412) November 13, 2019
3. I want a scary ghost, too.
Please enjoy my 3 year olds Christmas list for Santa “a scary ghost”
pic.twitter.com/VtmueGg7Vb
— sammy (@sammylynn_) November 23, 2019
4. This kid is not messing around.
I swear my son’s Christmas Lists get better every year. #christmaslist pic.twitter.com/yN9ZNAd3GW
— Erica Correa (@CodeWithCooties) December 7, 2019
5. Have to include that trademark.
I appreciate that my 6 year old is concerned with respecting @Mattel #HotWheels registered trademark, on his #ChristmasList. #Christmas #parenthood #dadlife #fatherhood #my2sons #kids #funny #laugh #boys #comedy #nolawsuits pic.twitter.com/ysg6vNeBmL
— Donovan Corneetz (@Donovan_VO) December 23, 2018
6. You did the right thing.
I found my Christmas list from 2007 and I really scratched off world peace for Hannah Montana tickets
— julianna (@julirogo_) August 15, 2019
7. Color-coordinated.
Gah damn my sister is so extra with her Christmas list LMAO pic.twitter.com/k6pTPXUF7j
— Changle your bells
(@Chhaannggg) December 8, 2019
8. You better make it happen.
mila’s xmas list
pic.twitter.com/wcZwjJ4WpY
— titi
(@yourrucca) December 16, 2019
9. Proper dictation.
Please enjoy my daughter's christmas list that she dictated to me: pic.twitter.com/L4fm6BDFPP
— Dan Cassaro (@Dan_Cassaro) December 9, 2019
10. Playing mind games.
My child really put “things that I like but I can’t think of” on his Xmas list….
pic.twitter.com/qRUyWVeBvW
— Hill Rodriguez (@hillsss3) December 12, 2019
11. You definitely need that intro.
My son asked for my daughter’s help with his xmas list. So together they wrote it out. I love that my daughter cannot write anything without an intro.
“If so, here are our lists.” pic.twitter.com/Z318pIkZ5H
— ? ? ? ? (@SocialSara612) December 8, 2019
12. All the way to the top.
My 5 years olds Christmas List.. she had to make sure the @Simone_Biles Leo was at the top of the list where it belonged when she realized order might matter
— kaitielynch (@kaitielynch1) September 30, 2019
13. That is sweet.
Ok. But why is my cousins Christmas list to Santa the cutest thing I’ve ever read? pic.twitter.com/mjIYAe7niu
— em girl (@Emicristina1010) December 15, 2019
14. That’s quite a list.
We asked my youngest son to text us his Christmas list…here ya go pic.twitter.com/eOvxBZzWbU
— Daniel Jeremiah (@MoveTheSticks) December 10, 2019
15. I’m with him on this one.
My 8 year old Michael’s letter to Santa. #7 “A lot of queso”. #christmaslist #smartkid pic.twitter.com/MbqTZ8lBFc
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 12, 2019
What was on your kids’ lists?
What are the trendy toys this year?
Or maybe you just gave them a lump of coal?
Let us know in the comments!
The post Check out These Hilarious Tweets About Christmas Wish Lists appeared first on UberFacts.
Funny Tweets From Parents Who Are Totally Over the Holidays
Moms and dads…at least you can take comfort in the fact that we’re in the home stretch right now.
The holidays have been long and stressful, but now there’s an end in sight.
So put your shoulders back, put a smile on your face, and power through!
It’ll be 2020 in no time!
1. The “updated” list.
Have kids so you can be done with your Christmas shopping & they can hand you their "updated" list which includes nothing you bought.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 19, 2017
2. Tell them the truth.
I’m starting to wonder if it’s time to do away with the collective idea that Santa drives a sleigh guided by flying reindeer, and just tell my kids the truth: Santa drives a UPS or FedEx truck, and he is guided by people shopping Prime in their underwear.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets
(@gfishandnuggets) December 5, 2019
3. Put a ride to school on there, too.
Kids: Mom, we need toothpaste!
Me: Cool, you can add it to your Christmas lists.
Me, every time my kids ask for anything in the month of December.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 3, 2019
4. Perfect!
If you’re looking for Christmas gift ideas for my child, they wear a size “sleepover at Grandma’s house.”
— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) December 10, 2019
5. That’s the way it works.
Sorry kids but Santa said you can only ask for toys that are Amazon Prime eligible.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 13, 2015
6. Not a bad deal!
If you're stuck on what to get your kids for Christmas this year, my kids just spent the better part of the evening entertaining themselves with an empty Doritos bag.
Empty. Doritos. Bag.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) December 2, 2019
7. A lot of peaks and valleys.
The evolution of every mom in December:
Dec 1: Deck the halls!
Dec 4: did decorating always suck balls?
Dec 8-17: SANTA IS WATCHING!
Dec 18: <glimmer of hope>
Dec 19: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!!
Dec 20: *googles all-inclusive adult only resorts*
Dec 24-25: THE BEST Christmas yet— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) December 11, 2019
8. Don’t even bother.
5-year-old: The elf on the shelf never comes here.
Me: Our house is too messy. He'll come if we clean.
5: Not worth it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 6, 2019
9. Get those diamonds!
5yo: What does Santa bring if I'm bad?
Me: I hear it's coal.
5yo: Is it true you can make diamonds out of coal?
Me: Possibly.
5yo: I'm gonna be pretty bad.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) November 30, 2017
10. You better start working!
My teenager asked for a $400 gaming system for Christmas, so guess who's waking up Christmas morning with a stocking full of job applications?
— KarateAndPopTarts (@KarenReneK) December 18, 2017
11. That’s what moms are for.
I don't do Elf on the Shelf because if I want someone to sit in silent judgement of my family with a fake smile on their face, I'll just invite my mother over.
— Ashley the Abominable Snow Monster
(@AshToTheFuture) December 5, 2019
12. That makes sense.
Drove our kids around town to look at Christmas lights but they brought an iPad so they could watch a different kid drive around his town looking at lights.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 10, 2019
13. Got carried away.
Bought some nice holiday chocolates for my kids’ teachers today.
I tasted one to make sure they were good and long story short I have to go back to the store and buy more chocolates
— The Mom Who Knew Too Much (@Gilapfeffer) December 10, 2019
14. It’ll work like a charm!
My son announced a plan to "trap" Santa that involves cookies and wine and I was like not gonna lie that shit will absolutely work
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 20, 2017
15. Not exactly a relaxing night…
The children were nestled
all snug in their beds
until they had to pee
get a drink
show me they can whistle
and ask me if birds have teeth.— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) December 20, 2016
Have you had enough of your family and holiday festivities yet?
Tell us all about it in the comments!
The post Funny Tweets From Parents Who Are Totally Over the Holidays appeared first on UberFacts.
15 Funny Tweets About Couples Therapy
Going to therapy is nothing to joke about…oh wait, yes it is!
At least it is according to these folks who decided to tweet about couples therapy.
Let’s dive right into the pain…and the laughs!
1. Who’s ahead?
Me: What's the score, who's winning?
Therapist: Ok so that's really not how couples counseling works.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 31, 2017
2. I’ve heard enough out of you.
Me: I just don’t see how Luigi could afford a mansion like that on a plumber’s salary, especially since he worked for his brother
Wife: see what I mean?
Therapist: shut up for a second he has a point— The Dad (@thedad) March 2, 2019
3. Hahahaha.
[couples therapy]
HER: He's always talking down to me
ME: *heavy sigh* It's called being condescending but I doubt you knew that, Karen— Floyd (@dafloydsta) November 24, 2015
4. Maybe you are…
Therapist: So why…why are you…here?
Me: My wife thinks I’m immature
T: And has she…has she actually CAN YOU STOP DOING THAT??!!
M: (I put the bubble wrap down)— The Abominable The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) February 21, 2018
5. Doesn’t look good…
*Bob the Builder takes Wendy's hand at couples therapy*
…Can we fix it?— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) July 16, 2016
6. That’s a tragedy.
Couples therapy 1999: he doesn't tell me I'm pretty anymore
Couples therapy 2017: he hasn't liked one of my tweets in like 8 months
— deck the halls w kimmymonte
(@KimmyMonte) May 7, 2017
7. You’re not a doctor!
[Couples Therapy]
HER: He keeps pretending he's a doctor. This relationship is dead
HIM: I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:26
ME: OMG SEE!
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) July 31, 2015
8. That is crucial.
[marriage counseling]
She doesn't think I'm very romantic
"He wears a fanny pack to bed"
IT'S FOR HOLDING SNACKS, KAREN
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 28, 2017
9. I see…
THERAPIST: why do you want to end your marriage?
ME: she uses the flesh colored emojis instead of the default yellow ones
THERAPIST: [nodding]
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) May 20, 2018
10. You moron!
When you say something like that, I feel like YOU'RE A DAMN MORON.
(This marriage counseling is really helping me express myself better.)
—
11. That’s great!
You think you have a good marriage? Well, at couples therapy my wife and I threw our shoulders out from high-fiving each other so much!
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 25, 2012
12. I’m gonna need to pat you down.
[at couples therapy]
"He’s always so suspicious."
I am not.
"You patted my father down for a wire at Christmas."
He has a moustache.— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 3, 2015
13. Uh oh…
My wife just made me put the fitted sheet on the bed by myself so I guess we are going back to couples counseling.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) February 23, 2013
14. Never a good sign.
{marriage counseling}
I guess it all started when I saw him put the toothpaste on before the water…
*therapist scribbles furiously*
— Marlalala la la la la (@Marlebean) July 28, 2015
15. He just can’t bring himself to do it.
(at marriage counseling)
Him: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
Me: Why are you afraid? What do you think will happen if you refill the soap dispenser?— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) December 19, 2016
Have you ever given couples therapy a whirl?
If so, let us know how it went in the comments! We’re here to listen!
The post 15 Funny Tweets About Couples Therapy appeared first on UberFacts.
Is Your Dog Spoiled Rotten? Then These Tweets Are for You!
We all do it, right? When I’ve had dogs in the past, I treated them like royalty…BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE.
You know what I’m saying, right?
Dogs are our best friends – they love us unconditionally, and therefore they deserve to be spoiled rotten.
The people who wrote these tweets definitely agree with me…
1. Just call it a dog bed.
My dogs sleep on a dog bed. It's a king size one in the master bedroom that my husband and I sleep on too, but yeah, it's a dog bed.
— Stacey (@skittle624) November 3, 2017
2. Not you…
*Arriving home at the end of the day*
Me: Hi handsome
Husband: Hi
Me: Sorry I was talking to the dog— sophielouwho (@sophielou) July 17, 2019
3. You’re absolutely right.
Husband: Sometimes I think you love the dogs more than you love me.
Me: (awkward silence)
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker
4. Why do you say that?
Wife: I think you're taking the idea of the dog being part of the family too far.
Me: [sitting dog at table with plate and silverware] why
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) June 27, 2017
5. Maybe?
wife: "have you spent all our money on stuff for the dog again?"
me: "no!"
[the dog rolls past the window on two hoverboards]
me: "okay yes"— k e i t h
(@KeetPotato) June 8, 2016
6. That’s a lie.
wife: You forgot to turn the TV off last night
[flashback to me leaving it on so the dog could finish watching Air Bud]
me: No I didn't
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) July 25, 2016
7. Living her best life.
this lady has her dog in the front seat and husband in the back. this will be me as a wife someday. pic.twitter.com/371b5K4tfp
— Paige Russell (@paige_russsell) February 28, 2016
8. Don’t upset the dog.
My husband and I get along better since realizing how much our yelling upsets the dog.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) August 22, 2019
9. That’s totally normal.
My wife and I have taken four photos together in the last two years, meanwhile we have ninety three photos of our dog sleeping since last week.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 22, 2018
10. Sorry, gotta go.
My husband told me he’s not feeling well and I told him I didn’t have time to worry about that…my dog is sneezing and she needs me.
— Stacey (@skittle624) July 12, 2018
11. Hell no!
Wife: “You want to come upstairs?”
Me: “Hell yes!”
Wife: “I was talking to the dog.”
— Bart (@bartandsoul) November 11, 2018
12. We all do this, right?
[leaving for work]
*gives wife a quick kiss*
*spends 10 minutes saying bye to the dog*— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 18, 2017
13. Party night!
My wife is working late tomorrow and I’m going to let the dog have extra junk food and watch R-Rated movies.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 10, 2017
14. The floor is fine for you.
My dog and I have this cute bedtime routine where he sleeps in my husband’s spot and I let him.
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker
15. Honey, we need to talk…
I want to surprise my wife with plans for a vacation getaway but I want the surprise to be that it’s just me and my dog going.
— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) September 2, 2019
Do you have an extremely pampered pup?
Let’s see some photos in the comments!
The post Is Your Dog Spoiled Rotten? Then These Tweets Are for You! appeared first on UberFacts.