Isn’t marriage wonderful?
No worries, no fighting…just the two of you staring into each other’s eyes and falling in love all over again every single night over a candle-lit fire…
Yeah right! Who are we kidding?!?!
It’s a constant battle of Good vs. Evil, Right vs. Wrong…and we’ll leave it up to you to figure out who’s on the “correct” side of your own battles.
Well, now that we’ve come to grips with that reality, let’s enjoy some funny tweets about marriage! Here we go!
1. Hey, this is a great surprise!
Are you sure about that…?
The best acting I do every year is pretending to be surprised by the gift my wife bought me, like I haven’t been secretly tracking its delivery on Amazon for weeks.
— The Dad (@thedad) December 25, 2020
2. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?
Hey, I’m trying to sleep over here!
Mornings when my wife can sleep in:
Me: [tiptoeing around in socks, whispering to kids, moving objects gently to minimize noise]
Mornings when I can sleep in:
Wife: HEY ALEXA VOLUME 10 HEY ALEXA I NEED A RECIPE FOR SMOOTHIES [sound of blender]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 15, 2020
3. This is some very good planning.
We got a smart one here!
My husband is grocery shopping so I'm using my phone tracker app to make sure I stay out of the house long enough for him to get home and put the groceries away.
— Northern Lights
(@PinkCamoTO) December 19, 2020
4. Can we all stop doing this?
It’s enough to drive a person nuts!
It’s snowing again!
Just kidding, my spouse just left Kleenex in her pants again and I’m shaking out each article of clothing before it goes to the dryer.
— Lezz Mom
(@lezzimomof2) December 19, 2020
5. That pretty much sums it up.
And if I were you I wouldn’t ask any questions…
marriage is all about compromise*
*doing what your wife told you to do in the first damn place
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 23, 2020
6. That’s one way to prove a point…
Honey, why is there another bottle of A1 open in the fridge?
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I open a bottle of some condiment when there’s already one open.
— Boyd's Backyard
(@TheBoydP) December 27, 2020
7. You don’t want to feel left all alone.
I can help you out with this.
My wife will be on work calls all day. Please send some random chores or shout something sarcastic, so I don’t miss her. Thank you
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 18, 2020
8. Everything is firing on all cylinders.
You gotta love it!
Husband just told me he loves the sound of the dishwasher running because “it means the house is taking care of itself.”
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 19, 2020
9. Yeah, what about those parachute pants?
You should just probably keep your mouth shut…
My wife wears yoga pants, but rarely does yoga.
I thought it was funny until I realized I never went parachuting in the 80s.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) December 23, 2020
10. Hey, it might be a good deal!
Give me all the details!
Me: Can you believe someone on Facebook is trying to sell a bucket of old screws?
Husband:
Me:
Husband: How much?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 18, 2020
11. You’re really doing it, aren’t you?
Now it’s time to show you off!
I finally remembered to shave both armpits so I guess I’m a trophy wife now
— Maryfairyboberry
(@maryfairybobrry) December 27, 2020
12. Ummmmm, you did your nails?
WRONG ANSWER.
Wife: [after cutting 1 centimeter from her hair] Notice anything different?
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 18, 2020
Okay, now we want to hear from all the readers out there.
How’s your relationship with your significant other going these days?
Tell us what’s going on in the comments. And yes, we are your new therapists…
The post Want Some Funny Marriage Tweets? Here You Go! appeared first on UberFacts.