Relationships are complicated, and dating even moreso.
People are often told to look out for “red flags” when dating, but what really constitutes a red flag?
Redditor TaxiDriverThankGod asked:
“What is seen as a red flag in dating which you believe is actually a ‘green flag’?”
It’s Not Always An Overshare
“Depending on the situation, oversharing. Some times you just gotta put it all out there right away and if they don’t like it, you’re not wasting your time.” -Cyndas-quil
“I’m lucky enough to be married to the love of my life and together for 15+ years since we were teenagers so don’t need to worry about dating but I have ADHD and am the absolute worst for over sharing, I’ll tell you my life story and all my deepest darkest secrets if you so much as hint that you might give a sh*t.” -InncnceDstryr
“I have very severe anxiety and I tend to get a lot of panic attacks so that’s something I like to make known right away because I’ve had too many experiences with guys dumping me and blaming my anxiety for it.”
“Mental illness can really complicate things when it comes to dating because it’s different for everyone so you can’t expect everyone to understand and want to stick around. You’re so lucky to have found someone who has been with you every step of the way no matter what. It’s not easy to find people like that.” -Cyndas-quil
“I overshare because I’m way past the point of giving f*ck about keeping up with false appearances or trying to seem like my life is more perfect than it is. These days I’d rather both sides lay it out straight, let’s not waste my time or theirs playing that stupid back and forth footsie game only for one of us to back out once all the information becomes clear. F*ck that, I’ve wasted far too much time due to that exact thing.” -Captain_Aizen
Excitement Is A Good Thing
“Being excited to go on another date, immediately.”
“Could be codependency, or it could be that you’re genuinely that interesting to her. Why wouldn’t I want to spend a lot of time with someone I like?” -uselessthrowawaydude
“Yeah it’s weird that society expects people to act like they don’t care that much when dating.” -vercetti87
“It’s really weird when it contradicts how you’d treat a friend. Like, it makes sense to not jump the gun and make grand statements of love and affection and so on right off the bat, but for schedules to really work and all that, any friend group knows that it helps to set up the next meetup, get an idea of work schedules, etc.”
“Yet with dating, it often seems the opposite and you get people trying to get the romance and the affection while limiting the discussion of logistics.”
“Ftr, it’s understandable why this springs up in context, but it just… seems like a miracle that anybody actually gets it to work this way.” -country2poplarbeef
Different Skills Entirely
“Being bad at dating in general. Dating and relationships have completely different skill sets. One requires timing and guarding your information and trying to show your best self and not being too weird and handling these various interested people while the other requires opening up and sharing your true self with just one person. Totally different skill sets. People who are terrible at dating might be just great at being in a relationship, ya know?” -TommyTuttle
“100% me. I absolutely LOATHED dating. HAAAAAAAAAATED it. I wasn’t good at the trade craft of it all.”
“I think I am a pretty darn good partner though. Now that all that BS is behind is, we can just get down to the business of being together.” -LifeOpEd
“Agreed. Awkward people can make the best friends and soulmates. I’m outgoing and my SO was always awkward and bad at flirting but we get along like nothing else.” -Helicocccter
Shouldn’t Wanting To Communicate Be A Good Thing?
“Being open. Texting multiple times. Not caring to much about social dating rules.” -goudendonut
“This. If a guy I’m interested in answers my text soon, not wait a day or a week later, it shows he’s interested and prioritizes me.” -PuzzledInside123
“It also makes it more authentic instead of going to that overthinking mode for cool responses.” -goudendonut
Why Make Them Wait?
“The three day rule is just plain stupid. I can’t count the number of times I’ve assumed someone wasn’t interested because after a first date they didn’t text for days. And have had several who thought I was weird for texting within that time. How is showing interest a bad thing? If it’s a bad date sure, but I don’t see any reason for this social norms bs of ‘don’t seem too eager or they’ll think you’re weak.’” -EvieJC
Find Out If You Want The Same Things
“Discussing life goals and future desires such as kids, marriage, work or education within the first few dates. Some people think it’s to heavy for getting to know someone, but to me nothing is more freeing than knowing the expectations and goals the other person has set so we can both make an informed decision.” -4Gotten1
“Yeah I’ve had friends who got engaged really quickly and I’ve asked them about things like if they’re gonna have kids, where do they want to live other things like that and they admit that they haven’t talked about it at all. Like you need to know about those things before you marry someone.” -Mangobunny98
“How do you make a commitment to a life with someone when you don’t even know if they want the same kind of life you do?? That’s wild to me.” -Proud_Hedgehog_6767
Being Able To Talk About Emotions Is A Good Thing
“Oversharing their emotions. I am too weak in understanding people. So if someone is very expressive about how they feel… I’m all in.” -friday_panda
“My girlfriend was like this when we first started to date. Wasn’t a red flag. More like a yellow flag at that time. But it’s turned out well because she’s always open to communicating and sharing her feelings whenever something is bothering her in life or in our relationship. We rarely ever get into arguments because she chooses to share and communicate and encourages me to before it gets to the point of it causing a fight.” -texxmix
Companionable Silence Rocks
“Running out of things to say. It’s a good sign that the person you are with is comfortable not jabbering” -SlapDickery
“If you can feel comfortable with them in silence, that’s a green flag. You don’t necessarily want the silence to be due to lack of mutual interest, but it is important that not every moment needs to be filled with speaking.” -omgtater
“Agreed! I’m generally the person in a conversation who likes to facilitate what others are saying and play more of a supportive role, but the people who will monologue at others like a steamroller on meth just drive me insane. Being talkative =/= social skills.” -MyGreatBurner5198
Weirdness Makes Things Interesting
“Honestly weirdness, I need someone interesting. Mutual weirdness is the way to go.” -Firm_Egg2505
“Weird can mean many things, good and bad. But I think I know where you’re coming from. I’m down for weird as in forgetful, goofy and funny way.” -DyingOfExcitement
Nerds Unite!
“Hardcore hobbies. Nerds make great lovers.” -RedneckNomad
“I’ve met my favorite lovers through medieval reenactment.” -Kataphractoi
Not everyone communicates the same ways, or looks for the same things in relationships.