15+ Times Ken M Proved He Might Just Be the Best Troll Around

Ken M is the kind of troll I can get behind. Maybe the only troll I can get behind.

Everyone online likes to think they are experts about everything, but Ken M usually puts them in their place in a very clever way. If you’re not familiar with the genius of Ken M, now is the perfect time to get acquainted with him:

1. Perfect

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

2.More Perfect

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

3. Perfectest

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

4. More Perfectest

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

5. Perfecter than Perfectest

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

6. The Perfection

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

7. More of The Perfection

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

8. Yes

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

9. Yes again

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

10. Amazing

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

11. My hero

Photo Credit: Reddit, KenM

12. A god damned genius

Photo Credit: Facebook, Ken M

13. I love him

Photo Credit: Facebook, Ken M

14. Awesomeness

Photo Credit: Facebook, Ken M

15. HA!

Photo Credit: Facebook, Ken M

16. Lulz

Photo Credit: Facebook, Ken M

17. So good

Photo Credit: Facebook, Ken M

18. Bestest

Photo Credit: Facebook, Ken M

19.

Photo Credit: Facebook, Ken M

h/t: smosh

We know you can choose a lot of sites to read, but we want you to know that we’re thankful you chose Did You Know.

The post 15+ Times Ken M Proved He Might Just Be the Best Troll Around appeared first on UberFacts.

15 People Share the Weirdest Date They’ve Ever Been on

Dating is odd. Sometimes you hit the jackpot, but most of the time…well, you know.

AskReddit users were nice enough to share their most cringeworthy date experiences for your reading pleasure. Share yours in the comments!

1. Run!

“Met with a girl in a dark university bar. Everything is going well. We eventually go outside because there is a mechanical bull we are goin to try. As soon as she gets on the bull, I realize she is at least 10 years older than she claimed and has a rotten meth tooth. After asking her a few questions, she admits that she has two kids outside of the state and has no interest in them.

She also admits to having a girlfriend with whom she is not sexual. She is physical with her though. She starts showing me pictures of her girlfriend with bound breasts…like ropes around them bonding them. This girlfriend of hers is white, but her breasts are black from being beaten in while bound. I was young and completely unprepared for this. We ended the night early and I even got the courage to tell her I wasn’t interested instead of ghosting her like I truly wanted to do.”

2. He knew she was a keeper

“Probably the 2nd date with my now wife. Some guy paid me to get revenge on a buddy of his and wanted me to scatter a few hundred pounds of potatoes into his buddies front yard. It was near where I was planning on taking my now wife and she said she would be cool with helping. So we drove to this guys house, made sure he was not home, filled his yard and driveway with potatoes together then went on our date.”

3. Meet my father

“I went on a date with a guy named Dan when I was in my late teens. Dan said “I’d like you to meet my father, he’s going to love you”

So I got in the car and as we started heading out of town I asked where we were going and Dan said “you’ll see, we’re almost there”

15 minutes later we pull I to a cemetery and he says come with me, I was nervous as I followed him down a little hill and he kneeled down in front of a tombstone and said “dad, she’s going to be my wife someday”.

That was the first and last date Dan and I ever had.”

4. Two tales

“I will tell about both worst weird, and best weird because, I can’t really pick one

Worst weird was this guy that was a avid hiker like me, and suggested we do a quite easy, very known and travelled circuit by the coast. The weather was great ( sunny, windy, the very best for a hike) but.. The guy spend the three hours of the circuit reciting BY HEART all the people having committed suicide on the path ( a part of it was near a cliff so people used to go Sprotch when they wanted to cancel their subscription to Life ™ ) and he knew. Just. So. Many. I mean, it was odd at first, creepy soon after and quickly descended into terrifying. Needless to say no second date was had.

Weird cute one was with a guy I dated for some time after: we were just sipping coffee on a bench when his phone went off : his brother’s wife had gone into early labor and said brother was freaking out, and in his soon to be a dad way ahead of plan frenzy, shouted: ” the baby’s room isn’t even painted!”. Cue my date leaping in with a ” I got this, stay with your wife!” , pocketed his phone, turned to me and went ” I have a double of his keys.. wanna help me paint the room ?”
“What, like, now?”

“Yep”

“Ho. ok”

And we spent half a day painting a kid’s room. That was fun, all things considered!”

5. Don’t tell anyone you’re a mechanic

“I have a bad habit of telling people I’m a mechanic too early into knowing them because I really enjoy it and I like talking about it. The last date I had involved about 20 minutes of us actually talking to each other about things like school, what books we’re reading, and video games. When we get to the part about what we do for a living, I tell her I’m a mechanic. She immediately drops all conversation and begs me to go fix her car right then and there.

I’m a little too nice of a person and couldn’t say no at that moment, so we pay for our drinks and leave. As soon as I see her car I know I made a mistake, it’s been recently wrecked and should not have been on the road. She then starts to tell me about how a friend of hers says it only needs a few repairs and it should be good to go, when in reality it probably should have been totaled with how bad the front end was caved in.

I tell her this and she starts yelling at me saying I must not know what I’m doing, then says I need to fix it anyway and that she needs to borrow my car to go run some errands at 10:30 at night. I tell her no, and that I’ll call her a tow truck since I have AAA, and that I don’t think we’re going to work out. It’s been 3 weeks since then and I still get calls from her asking her what’s wrong with her car.”

6. Cat-fished

“I essentially got cat-fished by a coworker. There had been some mutual attraction months before but I decided it wasn’t a good idea and told her we should just be friends. Then she made a fake online dating profile, used her knowledge of my likes/dislikes to attract me to this profile, carried on extensive communication pretending to be someone else, and then showed up to our date expecting me to suddenly fall head over heels in love with her.

She showed up at the date and I asked her what she was doing there, she replied “I think you know why I’m here” and I got in my car and left without saying anything. Eight years later and her cubicle is still 15 feet away from mine.”

7. Sounds a little unhinged

“So many adventures, so I’ll stick with the highlights. Dinner seemed to go all right, except that he drank most of a shared pitcher of margaritas by himself, then drank all the liquor I had at home. I was kind of irked, so we go searching for more.

The first place was closing up (it’s Sunday), so he goes up and bangs on the windows, loudly demanding that they sell us some beer and calling them assholes while I die of embarrassment. At the next place, after they served us, he casually said, “Oh yeah, I don’t have any money, so you’re going to have to get that.” (Not that I expected him to pay for my beer, but he expected me to pay for for his.)

In conversation, he mentioned that his favorite book was Ulysses and compared himself to Jack Kerouac. I asked him what kind of movies he liked, only for him to snottily retort that he watches “films.” He had me read a short story he wrote that, frankly, was pretty terrible, but when I offered polite criticism, he got angry and said I just didn’t understand. That was the problem with being a “natural writer,” he said. No one understands.

At one point during the evening he wanted to check on his dog. He said it wasn’t far, but it turned out to be a long drive to the middle of nowhere. Nothing was open, and I had to piss really bad. It was the most resentful roadside pee imaginable.

After he snapped at me about not understanding his writing, I said I was tired and he should go. He asked me for $3.00 for gas. I wanted him gone so much I actually gave it to him.

I later found out that he had a huge coke problem, and he told the mutual friend who set us up that we had sex that night but that I ghosted him after. The ghosting part was true, anyway.”

8. A whole series of them

“Mine is a series of dates that led to the weirdest one.

I was a student at a big state school and it was very possible to meet someone at a party and never see them again. I chatted with a woman a few times who was always interesting and engaging. She was a Christian and outspoken about her faith. I’m cool with that, but I’m not all that outspoken myself.

I asked her out to dinner and a movie after the second or third time of running into her and chatting and she said yes. I wanted to keep it traditional and do the whole date thing, so I cleaned up and picked her up to go to a restaurant and a movie. It went well. We hugged, said our goodbyes, and that was it.

We wound up going out again for a drink or something and things seemed to go okay a second time. It was sort of platonic, but we never had a conversation where we said that we were just going to be friends or something else. In either case, we were definitely going on dates.

So, I invited her out on my signature move- a canoe trip on a local river. It’s spring-fed, crystal-clear, and there are a number of deep springs with floating docks. It’s a great time. We both worked retail and had a day off in the middle of the week so that was the plan.

When she got in the truck, she was surprised to hear that she would be needing a bathing suit to go canoeing (?) and so we stopped at Target for her to buy one. I received specific instructions to stay in the truck while she shopped. No big deal.

When she got back to the truck, she let me know that she bought a two piece because all of the one piece bathing suits didn’t work. Awesome. Things are going swimmingly. Except she followed up with “it doesn’t matter. You will never see me in a bathing suit anyway.” That was weird, but okay.

The canoeing was fun. We swam. She swam in a T shirt. That was weird. But, overall, we had fun. On the way back to town, I asked if she wanted to order a pizza and watch a movie. She said she couldn’t, because she and her roommate had a policy that boys were not allowed over alone. Then she backed up and said that well, since these weren’t dates and we weren’t dating, that it would be okay for me to come over, but I had to leave by 9:00.

Hold up, I said. These are dates. She got all weird about how these weren’t dates, that we were just friends, and that she was not going to date. God would provide her with a husband on his accord. Right, I said. And these are dates. I’m not sure how you missed that.

She went on to talk about dating and marriage and then dropped that she knew I wasn’t the one because God told her that her husband was a baseball player. She knew that her husband was going to be a baseball player and she would consider going on a date with a baseball player, but it would be a stretch.

I rescinded my offer to watch a movie and order a pizza, and that I didn’t think I was interested in going down this road. Shortly after, she called my phone about a dozen times in a row because she had a flat tire and wanted me to come change it. I told her to check with the baseball team.

Epilogue- Some time later I was at a party, standing around a keg, and doing normal college student stuff when one bro asked another bro if he remembered to invite his girlfriend to the party. People in the know laughed and eventually the story came out that this random girl would come to every baseball practice and every baseball game by herself, stare, and pray. She’d try and interject herself in awkward and creepy ways and she would randomly show up wherever they were. This was pre-social media, so it had to have taken a lot of effort to make this happen.

So, there you go. Don’t not date crazy religious women who are betrothed to collegiate athletes.”

9. Impostor

“The guy faked an Italian accent the entire time.

He was from Florida.”

10. Okay…

“Once had a girl get up and go to the bathroom during a make-out session. Came back with her head shaved.

I asked why she did that, she told me her “head was too hot” and she “had been thinking about doing it for a while”

Okay.

Made out for a little while longer until I could think of an excuse and got the hell out of there.”

11. Oh my

“I’ve got a weird one

met a girl at a bar

went back to her place

she did the whole whipped cream bikini thing

the whipped cream was spoiled

I muscle through sour whipped cream

30 minutes into fun time her daughter walks in on us that I didn’t even know was there or that she even had kids

another 15 minutes and her Aunt & Uncle walk in on us… yeah- wasn’t even her house but her Aunts.

She then breaks down in tears and starts telling me about being abused and her old heroin addiction.

then proceeded to tell me about her 2 other kids

I nope right the fuck out of there

a week or so later I see in the newspaper that she was in a car accident and died

surviving family members in the obituary included her current husband.”

12. Getting back out there

“First date after a broken engagement for me.

This girl kept telling me how much she wanted to go on a date with me off tinder. I was hesitant but she was persistent. Well, we got to the coffee shop and had some really nice conversation. Then she said she had some coworkers down the street that were at the Arcade Bar playing in a Mario Kart competition and if I would like to join in? Hell yes! We went down, got some beers and met the coworkers, super cool dudes.

She spent the rest of the night dodging around the bar trying to avoid them. Kept telling me how weird it was that they were here… uhh yeah but this was YOUR idea girl. Then she went to the bathroom and as she was getting up looked and me and said,

“can I bring my beer or are you going to drug me?”

Me “Uhh, what?”

“Are you going to drug me?”

“No, why the hell would I do that?”

“Ok.” Gets up to leave… “Actually, i’m going to bring my beer.”

Then when she gets back..

“My mom isn’t going to like YOU.”

Me “Uhh, ok why not?”

“You have me drinking on a thursday, I never do this. I can’t believe you made me.”

me “All of this was your idea, every single thing about it!”

Then when I walked her back to her car, she sprinted the last block to her car, got in and drove off. Then texted me telling me what a great time she had and if we could set up a time to meet again.

Edit: since people are enjoying this.

I had another tinder date with a second girl.

She invited me over to watch a movie. I came over and she was watching a movie with her roommate. They were already 25 minutes into the movie when I got there.

They didn’t want to talk while they watched the movie either.

So I sat awkwardly for two hours at a movie I didn’t know what was going on in. And neither of them would tell me what was happening.

Then movie ended and I got the hell out of there.”

13. Hi mom!

“Tinder date. Woke up to her mom knocking on her locked bedroom door and she made me hide under her bed while she had a full conversation with her mother.

She had her own apartment.”

14. AWKWARD

“I was on an exchange program with a French school and matched with one of the girls in my class on tinder. We didn’t speak before but we made an appointment via messages to meet at her place to watch a movie. We then realized that I didn’t speak French at all and that she could only communicate with me because she put everything I wrote and everything she wanted to say into google translator but she didn’t speak a single word in English.

So we watched a Movie and tried not to be awkward. I wanted to make a move but not being able to speak with her made it very weird for me I don’t exactly know why. So I didn’t do anything and when the movie ended there was a long uncomfortable silence… that was probably the most awkward moment in my life.”

15. Just like a Seinfeld episode

“She talked about herself in the 3rd person the whole time. I didn’t realize until the date was almost over that she did not have a best friend with the same name as her.”

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A Family of Four Accidentally Booked Tickets on a ‘Pride Flight’ and Had a Total Blast

If you suddenly find yourself into an unexpected situation, you might as well make the best of it and have a good time, right?

That’s exactly what happened when Kerry and Sean Powell and their two sons recently booked a flight from London to New York City. What the Powells didn’t realize when the booked the flight last September was that it was for Virgin Atlantic’s Pride Flight. The family found out a month after they booked the flight and decided to keep it anyway.

Fast forward to late June and the Powells found themselves on the trans-Atlantic flight hosted by TV star Tituss Burgess and featuring celebrities and drag queens. The flight was also staffed with Virgin Atlantic employees who identify as LGBTQ. And the Powells had a great time!

The kids sure look like they’re having a good time in that video dancing and listening to Lady Gaga. Kerry Powell said, “It was amazing. We knew what it was all about, it wasn’t a surprise. Everyone was so lovely to the kids.”

The flight coincided with the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots that took place in New York City in late June-early July 1969. The riots are seen as a turning point in the fight for gay rights in the United States.

The flight was such a big hit that Richard Branson announced that Virgin Atlantic will do the Pride Flight next year as well. I have a feeling that this will become an annual event for many years to come. Looks like a blast!

The post A Family of Four Accidentally Booked Tickets on a ‘Pride Flight’ and Had a Total Blast appeared first on UberFacts.

A Bunch of Men on Twitter Came Unglued at the Mere Mention of a Female Playing ‘The Joker’

Male comic book nerds continue to flip out about gender-flipped heroes (and villains), even though Dr. Who, the Ocean’s cast, and Ghostbusters have all been rebooted with women at the center (and Wonder Woman was, arguably, one of the best superhero movies to come out in recent memory).

Case in point: writer Geraldine DeRuite jokingly suggested reasons why the Joker should be re-cast in the new Batman to be a woman.

Her reasons were pretty hilariously on point, too…unless you’re a man with fragile feelings and stuff.

Because guys. They cannot handle it.

Image Credit: Twitter

At some point @everywhereist started playing misogynist Twitter Bingo and became the hero we all deserve.

Moral? Be careful what funny and insightful thoughts you decide to put out there on Twitter.

The misogynists are waiting….

The post A Bunch of Men on Twitter Came Unglued at the Mere Mention of a Female Playing ‘The Joker’ appeared first on UberFacts.

Clam Chowder Popsicles Are Here to Potentially Ruin Your Summer

I bet you can’t wait to chase down the ice cream truck down to get your hands on a popsicle this summer!

Well, I don’t mean to ruin your good mood, your love of popsicles, or your life, but some evil person posted the photo below on a Reddit page and outraged just about everyone. Oh, and they posted on it on the BOSTON Reddit page for good measure.

Ladies and gentlemen…the Clam Chowder Popsicle.

Summah is here! #NewEngland #clamchowdah from boston

Some of the comments on the photo on Reddit include:

“I’m calling the FBI.”

“I will spend 10 whole minutes in the Red Line rather than eat that.”

“I can smell this, you wretched f*ck. I can smell the picture.”

“I regret being born with eyes.”

“Oh my god. So f*cking gross…and what self respecting Bostonian eats Chunky f*cking chowder. My god you can get decent clam chowder here almost as easily as you can get a large regular from Dunkin.”

I think it’s safe to say that people on Twitter are not happy about this new development in the world of frozen treats, either.

Because why would anybody do this?

Whyyyyyy?!?!?!

They clearly only have a heart filled with evil.

And someone tweeted this out, which may lead to months of therapy for some of us.

Apparently, the person who posted the photo said in a Reddit message, “I did not make or eat the thing. My friend made it. I have no idea why she did it.”

So the good news is these babies aren’t for sale…yet.

I’m sorry you had to see this…

The post Clam Chowder Popsicles Are Here to Potentially Ruin Your Summer appeared first on UberFacts.

People Who Said No Marriage Proposals Describe What Happened

Unless you’ve been on either side of this situation, you really have no idea what it’s like…or what happens in the aftermath.

It’s why you have to dig into these stories of rejected proposals from AskReddit users.

1. Strike!

“Not me, but some poor soul at my local bowling alley.

We were rolling rocks on a Friday night, the bowling alley was happening. The tunes stopped and the guy on the intercom asked if we could all direct our attention to lane 16.

A guy dropped to his knee and asked his lady friend to marry him. She said no. She looked embarrassed and stormed out.

He took a swig of his beer and rolled a ball down the lane. I’d like to think he thought the music would come back on and everyone would go about their business. Nope. Everyone was shocked and just watched him bowl like 4 times before the music came back on and he finally just sat down. Felt like an eternity of cringe.”

2. Mom

“My mother had a sweetheart back in the 50s who got her name tattooed on his arm and then proposed. She turned him down. [cue sad trombone]

Last she heard, he had married someone with the same name as her.”

3. Get that figured out

“My mom turned down my dad’s original proposal.

My parents had been dating for roughly three months when they got pregnant with me. They had moved in together and things had been going well. My mom was making dinner and my dad was on his knees fixing the kitchen door and out of nowhere he asks her to marry him. She thinks he’s kidding and tells him he can’t be serious. His exact line was “well I’m already on my knees.” He had married before but had been separated from his ex wife for a number of years, but they were still technically married. So my mom told him he needed to get that figured out and propose in not such a dopey way.”

4. Apology proposal

“I found out my ex was cheating on me and immediately broke it off with him. The next day he showed up on my doorstep, in the snow crying. When I went outside he got on one knee and presented me with a heart shaped ring.

I went back inside and baked cookies. It was a great decision, as I met my current boyfriend a few years later and he makes me truly happy.”

5. Want to elope?

“There was a weird guy who worked at a thrift store where a friend of mine worked when we were in high school; he was in his early 20s. I was about 16 when this happened; I became friends with a few members of the staff and he was a part of that group. He was always weird and kinda creepy but we had similar tastes in music and hung out with some of the same people.

Teenage priorities. He was pretty upfront about finding me attractive from the get-go although I made it clear I wasn’t into him in that way. Because I was so young and inexperienced with these things and pretty live-and-let-live I didn’t see any reason to not be nice.

I agreed to go over to his apartment one time while killing time waiting for another friend to get home from her job so we could hang out. kept complimenting me and talking about how “perfect” I was. I cut the visit short because it wasn’t sitting well with me.

The next time we hung out he tried to convince me to run off right then and there and elope with him. I thought he was joking at first. He wouldn’t come off of it and then I realized he was actually serious. He had this weird intensity that was extremely off-putting. I left immediately when I realized he was actually serious and managed to never see him again. It’s been 20ish years and I still feel gross typing this out. Was he actually joking? I hope so but jfc that was awkward.”

6. Priorities

“A girl asked to marry me in 3rd grade. I said no, I don’t have time for marriage, I need to play with my friends.

She said OK. I went on to play with my friends.

All things considered, I think that went well.”

7. God told me…

“High school bf had dumped me after two years, revealing that he had never truly loved me. I went to college, and we still had occasional contact over my first semester. When I came home for Christmas break, he asked me to give him a ride home from where we had been with a group of friends, telling me he needed to ask me something.

In my car in front if his apartment, he told me that he didn’t want an answer right then, to go home and pray about it, but God told him to ask me to marry him. I went home and went to sleep instead, then told him no thank you the next day. He seemed disappointed but totally unsurprised.”

8. Different cultures

“Not me, but my wife.

While she was at BCT for the National Guard, (before we were married, but we had been dating about 5 years at that point) a guy with a very thick accent told her that he needed to speak to her father. Well, she has not had contact with her father since sometime early in high school (hell, I’ve never met him, never plan to either) and she told this guy such. He then went on and said that he must speak to her father. Eventually it comes out that he wants to speak to her father about her dowry.

Something about his father has many cattle and he could provide for her very well. I think she told him something about how that’s not how things are done in the US, her father had no say in who she married, and she was happily dating someone. Dude backed off and apparently was otherwise pleasant for the rest of the time there, just a monstrous amount of culture shock. I still laugh about it every time I remember her telling me about it.”

9. Cheater

“We’d only been together for a few months. Both military and stationed in Germany. I was about to deploy and my contract ended pretty much as soon as I was set to return. She said we should get married so we could stay together when I got back. I’d already been divorced at this point and wasn’t about to marry some girl I’d only been with a few months. So I told her we’d see how we held up with me deployed and cross that bridge when we came to it.

About 2 months into my deployment she and a friend of mine eloped. I was hurt but boy did I dodge a bullet.

Also their marriage ended exactly how you’d expect… Divorced in less than 6 months. She was f*cking a couple other guys on the side and he was too stupid/naive to realize. Remember folks; if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.”

10. I will own you

“We had only been dating for about a month, he was pretty obsessive at first but I thought maybe it would just be a phase so I blew it off. One day, he brought me to a jewelers to get my ring size and I could pick out the ring. I also thought it was just a promise ring, no biggie, people do those kinda things early on as well. What got ME was when he bought it, took me to a park, got down on one knee and said “I love you baby…I knew I wanted to do this the moment we matched (unfortunately on Tinder)…you’re the love of my life. Now I can show everyone that I own you. Will you marry me?”

He was gonna OWN me. Like a pet. I wanted to wring his neck for saying that. I don’t get offended easily but saying “owned” really pissed me off. I helped him up back to his feet tho and we walked back to his car that he was current living in, right down the street from my condo so he could “keep an eye on me”, and I told him I wasn’t going to marry him and that I thought it was best we should break up and move on. I didn’t feel comfortable having him drive me home so I took an Uber after that.

Unfortunately, still being the obsessive guy he was, he tried with the coming to my condo every day with gifts and crying and just trying to make me feel bad and get back together. Then it got to him getting angry and threats. After about a month, he gave up. And I haven’t seen him since, it’s been a year now. Thank god.”

The post People Who Said No Marriage Proposals Describe What Happened appeared first on UberFacts.

911 Operators Remember the Calls They’ll Never Forget

It should be no secret that the people on the other end of the 9-1-1 line have super stressful jobs. They’re talking to human beings in their most desperate moments (and also some stupid and hilarious moments, of course), so of course they have some pretty good stories.

Like the 17 below, categorized by people on the job as totally “unforgettable.”

#17. It was slugs.

I’ll go with a lighter one. I once had an elderly woman complain that gang members tagged her shed. She also said she didn’t want a black deputy (this is the south). The (black) deputy arrived and found that it wasnt spray paint, but that her shed was so dirty that slugs had eaten paths in the filth that created patterns.

#16. Miscommunication can be horrifying.

Had some one call saying a man had been killed by a goat. Turns out goat is what they also call the machine that picks oranges off of trees. Miscommunication can be horrifying.

#15. She’d been laying down in the back seat without her seatbelt on.

This one still bothers me because it’s so fresh and our community is hurting from it as well. Took a call from a hysterical woman advising me of a rollover crash that happened near her house. She lives near the top of a blind hill that people like to “jump” (like catching that butterfly feeling in your stomach, although you can get air in the right vehicle). She tells me that a girl is laying on the ground about 30 feet or so from the vehicle.

When asked if the girl is alive, she says, “Oh yes, honey she’s wiggling around on the ground. My daughter is a nurse, she’s checking on her now.” Awesome. We hardly ever are lucky enough to have a trained professional on scene before a med unit can get there. But then she tells me her daughter is starting CPR. To be honest, that didn’t surprise me. My caller was getting hysterical again and we already had first responders on the way, so I started asking more questions about the scene. Her daughter breaks CPR to get on the phone with me. Tells me she can do compressions only, that the girl’s jaw is completely gone.

A bit stunned, I tell her to continue compressions. But rather than getting put back on with the original caller, I hear the scared voice of a teenage girl, the driver. “Is my friend going to be okay?” I can’t find anything to say for a moment. Finally, after what seemed to be too long, I say “They’re doing CPR, dear. And we have help on the way. Are you and the other passenger okay?” “We’re fine. Just please tell me she’s okay.” The girl on the ground was confirmed D.O.A. She had been laying down in the back seat without her seat belt on because she had a headache. She was 15.

#14. The type of scream…

Answered to the sounds of a couple of women absolutely screaming and wailing (I’m sure anyone that has done the job long enough knows the type of scream I mean – that blood curdling scream of someone in genuine anguish). Knew something was up and got police and ambulance on the way. Trying to get them on the phone to get details and a boy of no more than five years old comes on the phone and says “my daddy is swinging from the roof and his eyes are open and staring”.

He had hung himself while his family were out doing their shopping.

#13. Pretty messed up.

This actually happened a few days ago. I’m an ER tech, but one of our unit secretaries (someone who transfers calls and does other important tasks that keeps the place afloat) is an EMT in the next county over. I was waiting for a patient to return to their room, talking with her, when she looks down at her phone. She tells me she has the dispatch app or whatever for ambulances and fire trucks, and every firehall in the county had just received a call about a possible decomposing body. Apparently the neighbor called about a terrible smell coming from the property. Hazmat was called and everything, expecting a dead human body.

Once they broke into the house, they found that it wasn’t a dead human, but 38 dogs in the house. 11 of the dogs were dead and in “varying states of decomposition”. The place is still pretty much under wraps, but 16 more dogs were found in the shed yesterday. The two people who owned the house have since been arrested and charged with 51 counts of animal cruelty. All of the animals left alive were taken to the humane society, where half of the county has just about donated food or blankets.

The whole thing is pretty messed up, but I now for sure respect the hell out of the EMTs and paramedics that walk through our doors everyday. They really never know what they’re going to see when they walk into a place.

Here’s the most recent article: https://www.carrollcountytimes.com/news/local/cc-dogs-cruelty-040919-story,amp.html

#12. Biggest WTF.

Well, my buddy is a fireman and dispatch had just alerted them of a man having chest pains. They get to the guys house, and as soon as they open the door, the dudes dog runs outside. The dude shouts “you let my dog out! go get my dog! Please!” So my buddy immediately starts chasing the dog.

He catches the dog, comes back to the house, and when he walks in the door he sees that the man having “chest pains” had actually shot a HOLE IN HIS CHEST while cleaning his gun.

Old dude shoots himself in the chest, tells 911 it’s chest pains, and when help arrives, he makes them go chase his dog down before tending to his own life threatening wound. Biggest WTF of my buddies career

#11. It really messed with my head.

I’ve been a 911 dispatcher for 11 years in a medium size center (population ~180,000). We have more than our share of crazy calls but there are only a few calls that have stuck with me. For me the ones that I can’t get rid of aren’t even close to being the craziest or most brutal.

7-8 years ago I took a 911 call from a man who came home to find his adult sister had been raped and beaten. The suspect had wrapped a telephone cord around her neck then tried to push her through the window of the apartment. He was understandably very distraught. She was still alive and was able to talk to me. She had not been blindfolded and I was certain I could get a description of the person who had done this to her. She answered all of my other questions but absolutely refused to give me any info on the suspect. I later found out that the reason was self-preservation, the person who did it was the brother who called 911 for help. He was so believable it really messed with my head. I also felt horrible that I had continued pressing her for info with the person who hurt her was right there and that I could have potentially put her in more danger without realizing.

#10. He couldn’t let it go.

Not me, but my sister is a dispatcher. One time she received a call from a man who said he just killed his sister and brother. She kept him on the phone for 5 or 6 minutes to make sure he didn’t run before officers arrived. She got him to admit they had all been drinking and playing cards, then got into an argument when one of them accused the other of cheating. The other two went to bed, but this guy stayed up stewing. Apparently he couldn’t let it go. He shot each of them in their beds while they slept, then called 911. I heard a partial recording of the call and she sounded calm AF. She told me she was screaming on the inside the entire time.

#9. Got you now, you little sh*t.

I have a few.

I took a call from a man who’s ~1 year old daughter fell in the pool while unattended. At the time of the call she was not breathing, unresponsive, and had no pulse. My partner dispatched out fire and EMS while I was on the phone. Got the child’s mother to start CPR. Fortunately she was certified and didn’t require very much instruction at all, just had to tell her to count her compressions out loud so I could keep up. Before first responders arrived, the baby starts breathing again. I believe she sustained some brain injury but nothing life threatening. Had to go take a walk around the block after that one. Please please please, if you aren’t CPR certified, get certified. It very well may have been the difference between that child living and dying.

On a lighter note, I also had a guy call in claiming he was having a heart attack. None of the info I got from this guy indicated he was even remotely at risk for one. Mid 20s male, average weight, no history of heart problems (or any other medical history for that matter). Turns out he had smoked some particularly strong pot about 30 minutes prior to calling. Absolutely nothing wrong with him other than he was stoned stupid. We got a pretty good laugh out of that one.

I also took a call from a kid who was about 10 years old who thought it would be funny to prank call 911. He started off by saying there was a fire. I could hear him giggling in the background. Followed that up with meowing at me over the phone. Managed to get a good location off the call and got his address. Read the address to him and asked if that’s where he lives. CLICK. Alright, got you now, you little shit. Had a deputy go out to the house as is our policy and he explained the situation to the parents. Deputy told me later the kid got the ass chewing of a lifetime. Super gratifying.

#8. We still had to check for spiders.

“A woman complaining of spiders in her vagina”

In college, I worked as an EMT in a major city. Not the craziest call I ever had but one of the wackiest call outs we ever got was to respond to “a woman complaining of spiders in her vagina”. I’ll never forget pulling up to this major intersection where, sure enough, there’s this old lady lying on the sidewalk with her pants off and legs spread up in the air. Turns out it was this transient lady in her 70s who had been having some wild hallucinations.

We still had to check for spiders ?

#7. It was a wild time.

A woman masturbating on the phone.

The first time she called she sounded normal at first. Asked for an officer that never worked here. General conversation about this officer while she progressively got more.. extreme with her moaning. I eventually (and gracefully) ended the conversation. It was a wild time. I still remember her name and voice.

The second and third times she called I asked if it was her and she hung up right away.

Why are you like this Ms. Roberts? What is your end game?

Edit: For clarification, we traced the number down to a woman in Florida. We’re located in Missouri and our agency is tiny (part of why I like this job). Hunting her down and bringing her to justice probably would have gotten her offwouldn’t have been worth the hassle.

#6. It will stick with me forever.

Student Paramedic here. Had a call being general broadcasted over radio when I was chilling in base with my mentor (we were on a 2 man car ambulance) operator who was broadcasting said something along the lines of: “female, reportedly unconscious, police on scene, major trauma (pause)… CPR in progress confirmed arrest by police on scene.”

my mentor looks at me, we’re off in 30 mins at the end of a night shift but we go anyway. We’re around the corner. Make it there in no time at all. There’s police EVERYWHERE. at least 7 squad cars. I’m nervous as hell and so is my mentor. As we approach the house, a man emerges, handcuffed by police. He looks content enough and smiles at us as we walk by. Police shout for us to hurry, we run over with equipment to front door and are met with one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen and will always be there in my mind.

There’s a woman lying on the ground, with the left side of her head caved in, blood absolutely all over the place and brain matter scattered around the floor too. Police are doing CPR, we stop them when we see the Patient has signs of pooling and rigor mortis. I’m literally sweating and on the verge of tears, this is not how I wanted my shift to end. Then, we hear from behind us more police in the house and the sounds of children. 2 kids are escorted out of a bedroom behind us with their eyes covered and one of them asks:”what’s going on Where’s Mommy?”. My heart melted. I’ve never been exactly traumatised by a job but those kids being shielded from what just happened to their mother will stick with me forever.

I bring equipment back to the ambulance as my mentor starts to do paperwork and we wait for someone to move the body. Social services arrive and take the kids, blissfully unaware of what’s just happened. Was off 3 hours late after all the paperwork and interviewing from police. Good job, but man has it lefts it’s mark on me.

#5. Profoundly sad.

Older lady, I want to say maybe early 70s, calls in with a sort of polite urgency in her voice, tells me she thinks she’s having a stroke. Tells me she has her grandchild at the house with her, asks me to call her daughter to come get the child.

By the time she’s done giving me the phone number there’s just a very slight slur in her speech. By the time EMS got there (probably no more than 5 minutes or so) I couldn’t understand a thing she was saying. Fascinating, disturbing, and profoundly sad hearing someone stroke out on the phone as they’re talking to you.

#4. Not something I’ll ever forget.

For me, the worst ones are always the calls you can relate to on a personal level. I took a call last month from a father who discovered his son with a bag over his head and a note next to his body. I’ve taken a ton of suicide calls, but this one was particularly difficult for me because the son was my age, and the way the father pleaded with his son was almost exactly the same way I’ve imagined my dad if I were to ever do the same. I’ve had the same “Come on, buddy! Don’t do this to me!” running in my head at least 2-3 times a day since.

Also, not technically a call but my first shift on my own, I dispatched the deputy I did my ride along with to a domestic that he ended up being shot and killed at. Hearing his blood-gurgled “shots fired” scream on the radio won’t be something I’ll ever forget.

#3. She was laughing so hard she could barely give me her safety password.

I was a dispatcher for a residential alarm company similar to ADT. I would call people when their alarm was tripped and ask them if they were okay.
One day I received a signal from a residence from a glass break sensor on a window in the bathroom.
When i called the lady was laughing so hard she could barely give me her safety password.
Turns out she was cleaning her bathroom and when she bent over she farted so hard and loud it set off the sensor on the bathroom window.

#2. Not even a little bit.

Not 911, but tele-nursing, people called me plenty when it should have been 911.

Grandma, calls me about her 16 year old, 40 week pregnant, grand daughter.

GM: Hey my grandbaby is pregnant and she just went to pee and said the cord is hanging out….is that normal?

Me: No…..not even a little bit

#1. Kindness and compassion in his last moments.

A young man 23 years old called and told me he was going to commit suicide. He was my first call of my shift that day, very early in the morning. He planned to set his car on fire with himself inside. He was upset and crying but he apologized to me. He said he was sorry I picked up the phone and he was sorry for how this was going to affect me. He hung up on me and the second time I was speaking to him I could hear liquid splashing in the background. He ended hanging up again and I never got him back. He did end up setting the on fire and it was fully engulfed by the time anyone got there. I’ll never forget his name or voice and I simply hope I showed him kindness and compassion in his last moments.

Edit: Thank you for the gold and silver kind strangers! I appreciate all the comments. I’m fine. Im lucky enough to have an amazing support system in my co-workers and I have an awesome spouse to keep me grounded. This call made me a better dispatcher. It’s easy to become desensitized to the horrific things we hear and this young man renewed my passion for helping people.

I couldn’t do it. Glad others can!

The post 911 Operators Remember the Calls They’ll Never Forget appeared first on UberFacts.

A Guy with a Saxophone Serenaded Cows by the Roadside and It Is Adorable

Cows lead a pretty boring existence and they need a little entertainment once in a while, just like humans. That’s why Rick Herrmann nailed it when he stopped on a rural road in Oregon and serenaded a pasture full of cows with his saxophone.

Rick’s daughter, Erin Herrmann, posted the videos her father playing his smooth sax to the cattle. The crowd of cows just couldn’t resist these silky tunes.

The videos went viral because… duh!

Wait for the neighbor to shout “Tequila” at the end of this one!

I love it!

Herrmann said he’s been playing the sax for about seven months, and when he saw a video of people playing music for animals him and his wife took a ride so he could play for some cows nearby.

“I thought they might be curious. I guess I didn’t expect them to crowd the fence so much.”

Erin Herrmann said that the cows appreciated her father’s playing much more than the family dog.

“Our dog, Piper, hates the noise so much, she even chewed up all his reeds once. My dad was running by the field on June 25 and thought that maybe the cows would appreciate his music more than Piper would. He was definitely right! We always talk to and go see the cows near the house because they are his favorite animal and they make his so happy … He’s just such a good hearted guy and likes to be goofy and enjoy the simple things in life! He loves that he’s making people so happy!”

The story went viral in such a big way that even legendary sax player Kenny G weighed in on the story.

Nice work, Mr. Herrmann, and keep at it!

There are a lot of animals out there who wouldn’t mind a break from their daily routines.

The post A Guy with a Saxophone Serenaded Cows by the Roadside and It Is Adorable appeared first on UberFacts.

These 30 Kids Are Really Bad at Hide-And-Seek

Not everybody can be a natural at hide-and-seek. For some, it takes practice.

In homage to all of those people, here are 30 kids who are still learning the ropes of the game:

#30. This one’s pretty impressive, but also a poor spot.

Photo Credit: Jackie Blackshear

#29. A blindingly bad idea.

Photo Credit: imgur

#28. So much wrong going on.

Photo Credit: greecedlightnin

#27. Sometimes, you gotta bag it up.

Photo Credit: Stephlynn3

#26. Points for attempted camo.

Photo Credit: octbar

I had a hard time deciding how to rank? Cutest? Worst? Funniest.

I’m still not sure how I decided to rank them, but I know they’re all f’n awesome.

These People All Texted the Wrong Numbers and Got the Best Answers Ever

Have you ever accidentally sent a text to the wrong person? Especially when you were drunk?

Yeah you have…

These people who texted the wrong person weren’t necessarily drunk, but after getting these responses, they probably wish they were!

Enjoy!

1. No he does not look like a Jessica.

Photo Credit: Ranker

2. A very standard response

Photo Credit: Ranker

3. Murica!

Photo Credit: Ranker

4. This joke is prehistoric…

Photo Credit: Ranker

5. We haven’t all been there. Sorry not sorry.

Photo Credit: Ranker

6. They don’t know how cats work?

Photo Credit: Ranker

7. That escalated quickly!

Photo Credit: Ranker

8. Who doesn’t want to party?!

Photo Credit: Ranker

9. Saxy!

Photo Credit: Ranker

10. Make ’em laugh!

Photo Credit: Ranker

11. Grill, you got me hot and bothered!

Photo Credit: Ranker

12. It’s not JUST a car…

Photo Credit: Ranker

13. Bruh.

Photo Credit: Ranker

14. Best. Response. Ever.

Photo Credit: Ranker

15. So… they reported this, right?!

Photo Credit: Ranker

Well, that’s was fun! You know what else is fun? Sharing funny posts with friends.

So do it!

The post These People All Texted the Wrong Numbers and Got the Best Answers Ever appeared first on UberFacts.