You have to be a special sort of person to take a job as a mall Santa during the holidays. For one thing, you have to look the part! Also, dealing with kids (and their parents’ expectations!) for hours every day can’t be the easiest task – especially when the season already has people stressed out.

If you want to know why they do it (or at least how they get through it) here are 15 stories that make the experience a little more real.

15. A kid that’s going places, for sure.

Not a Santa, but I have been a Mrs. Claus for the last few years and I always ask the kids what they want while we do our crafts.

My favorite was this 4-5 year old girl that told me she wanted “one of those loud horns”. She made a gesture like she was using those canned air horns and she made a little horn sound. She said she wants to use it to wake up her baby brother when he naps in the daytime so he “knows what it’s like.”

14. It’s best to be specific.

Not a santa but an elf.

I read a letter (maybe I shouldn’t have) from a child who asked for a dolphin, specifically not autistic. Not sure if he had had a bad experience with disabled dolphins or what but he was about 6 years old .

13. Well, Santa tried.

My 3 year old son asked Santa once for “a baby rhino” Santa told him that “The baby rhinos mama would be very sad to lose her baby though”

Then my son said, “okay, well I’ll take the mama too, maybe she can sleep in my moms bed”

12. Lol, yikes.

Many years ago a small girl would not tell her mother what she wanted for Christmas. Mom told me the problem and I was to tell her after the kid jumped off my lap. The little girl hopped up and told me she wanted some make up and some tits…. ok now I have to tell mom.

11. That Santa probably had some *thoughts*.

My sister asked Santa for “Black Men” for Christmas. She meant “Men in Black.”

10. I bet he had a baby sibling.

Not me but my dad

a kid asked for his moms milk he was like 7

9. This is so incredibly pure.

I was an assistant manager for a mall Santa with Noerr Programs. There was a special needs 20-something black guy that would come by nearly every day. He easily weighed more than 250 pounds so we did eventually convince him to sit next to Santa instead of on his lap. Every time he had to remind Santa what he wanted for Christmas. His list was Home Alone on DVD, Straight Outta Compton on DVD, and Prince’s 1999 album on CD. Santa was awesome and brought him the Prince CD a few days before Christmas.

8. It’s always the younger sibling you have to watch out for.

Yesterday the big sister asked for a pet mouse, the little sister asked for a snake.

7. That’s not as weird as it is sweet.

Not a mall santa my friend was one. He said that the weirdest thing he heard from a kid was a husband for his mom.

6. This is tough.

I worked in Russia as “Snow Maiden”. This is a Christmas character here, Santa Claus granddaughter. One of the children in a wheelchair asked to walk again. It was hard.

Upd. For people’s, who wanted funny answer. In my practis was a boy, who wanted a girlfriend. He was 5-6 years.

5. Being a parent is hard.

Was a Santa at a party last week. A kid asked for a whistle that she could blow at night to wake her mom up and scare her when she was sleeping.

I said “No, that would put you on the Naughty list, let your mom sleep you little gremlin.”

Mom laughed.

4. Smart kid.

My uncle was a Santa and he told me that one year a kid asked for a coffee maker because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he’d make coffee.

That kid is probably a millionaire now.

3. Bread is life.

A piece of toast.

2. You sit on a throne of lies!

For me to “stop upholding this charade”

1. Did your dad tell you to say that?

There was a joke a radio host told that I heard about 10 years ago or so and there was a mall santa and this kid, and the kid wanted a tonka truck that had a hitch or crane/hook or something, and when it comes time to tell santa what he wants the kid says “I want a truck with a hooker”

I couldn’t do it, I don’t think!

Have you ever played Santa? What’s the best/worst thing that ever happened to you when you did?

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