Mall Santas Share Their Favorite Stories from Their Holiday Jobs

You have to be a special sort of person to take a job as a mall Santa during the holidays. For one thing, you have to look the part! Also, dealing with kids (and their parents’ expectations!) for hours every day can’t be the easiest task – especially when the season already has people stressed out.

If you want to know why they do it (or at least how they get through it) here are 15 stories that make the experience a little more real.

15. A kid that’s going places, for sure.

Not a Santa, but I have been a Mrs. Claus for the last few years and I always ask the kids what they want while we do our crafts.

My favorite was this 4-5 year old girl that told me she wanted “one of those loud horns”. She made a gesture like she was using those canned air horns and she made a little horn sound. She said she wants to use it to wake up her baby brother when he naps in the daytime so he “knows what it’s like.”

14. It’s best to be specific.

Not a santa but an elf.

I read a letter (maybe I shouldn’t have) from a child who asked for a dolphin, specifically not autistic. Not sure if he had had a bad experience with disabled dolphins or what but he was about 6 years old .

13. Well, Santa tried.

My 3 year old son asked Santa once for “a baby rhino” Santa told him that “The baby rhinos mama would be very sad to lose her baby though”

Then my son said, “okay, well I’ll take the mama too, maybe she can sleep in my moms bed”

12. Lol, yikes.

Many years ago a small girl would not tell her mother what she wanted for Christmas. Mom told me the problem and I was to tell her after the kid jumped off my lap. The little girl hopped up and told me she wanted some make up and some tits…. ok now I have to tell mom.

11. That Santa probably had some *thoughts*.

My sister asked Santa for “Black Men” for Christmas. She meant “Men in Black.”

10. I bet he had a baby sibling.

Not me but my dad

a kid asked for his moms milk he was like 7

9. This is so incredibly pure.

I was an assistant manager for a mall Santa with Noerr Programs. There was a special needs 20-something black guy that would come by nearly every day. He easily weighed more than 250 pounds so we did eventually convince him to sit next to Santa instead of on his lap. Every time he had to remind Santa what he wanted for Christmas. His list was Home Alone on DVD, Straight Outta Compton on DVD, and Prince’s 1999 album on CD. Santa was awesome and brought him the Prince CD a few days before Christmas.

8. It’s always the younger sibling you have to watch out for.

Yesterday the big sister asked for a pet mouse, the little sister asked for a snake.

7. That’s not as weird as it is sweet.

Not a mall santa my friend was one. He said that the weirdest thing he heard from a kid was a husband for his mom.

6. This is tough.

I worked in Russia as “Snow Maiden”. This is a Christmas character here, Santa Claus granddaughter. One of the children in a wheelchair asked to walk again. It was hard.

Upd. For people’s, who wanted funny answer. In my practis was a boy, who wanted a girlfriend. He was 5-6 years.

5. Being a parent is hard.

Was a Santa at a party last week. A kid asked for a whistle that she could blow at night to wake her mom up and scare her when she was sleeping.

I said “No, that would put you on the Naughty list, let your mom sleep you little gremlin.”

Mom laughed.

4. Smart kid.

My uncle was a Santa and he told me that one year a kid asked for a coffee maker because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he’d make coffee.

That kid is probably a millionaire now.

3. Bread is life.

A piece of toast.

2. You sit on a throne of lies!

For me to “stop upholding this charade”

1. Did your dad tell you to say that?

There was a joke a radio host told that I heard about 10 years ago or so and there was a mall santa and this kid, and the kid wanted a tonka truck that had a hitch or crane/hook or something, and when it comes time to tell santa what he wants the kid says “I want a truck with a hooker”

I couldn’t do it, I don’t think!

Have you ever played Santa? What’s the best/worst thing that ever happened to you when you did?

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These Great Facts Might Make Your Day a Little Bit More Interesting

I need some good brain food to get through the day sometimes.

Know what I’m saying?

Well, I have just what you need! A great set of facts for you!

Let’s begin!

1. The world’s smallest park.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

2. Wow, that’s fascinating.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source

3. The name game.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

4. Roly poly.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

5. I’m not even gonna try.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

6. Nazi hunters.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source

7. But…why?

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

8. Interesting…

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

9. The demon cat.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

10. They’re everywhere.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

Have a great day, a great week, and a great month!

The post These Great Facts Might Make Your Day a Little Bit More Interesting appeared first on UberFacts.

Best Friends of Nearly Eighty Years Are Now Stirring up Trouble Together in the Same Nursing Home

My best friend and I have been BFF for just over three decades at this point, and while neither of us is getting out of this friendship anytime soon, eight decades still seems like a long way off.

For Olive Woodward and Kathleen Saville, though, the decades might have seen them following their own paths, but those roads have wound around and come back together again eighty years on – at the same care facility.

The pair met when they were just 11, at primary school in Nottingham back in 1941. They were neighbors, as well, and grew up best friends.

They married men who worked at the same company and lived on the same road as adults, as well, and staying close through all of life’s ups, downs, and the daily stuff in between.

After 35 years of marriage, Kathleen’s husband died in 1989. She lived on her own for many years afterward before moving into Berry Hilly Park, a care home in Mansfield.

Olive was married 50 years before her husband died, and she too lived alone for a while…before joining her best friend in Berry Hill Park.

Now 89, the pair are the oldest women in the facility (though they’re sure they don’t look a day over 63, and we agree!).

“I’m so glad Olive is here now,” Kathleen confided to Bored Panda. “We’re like giggling schoolgirls, and we still put on our lippy and get dressed up. We always say to each other ‘if you’ve got it, flaunt it.’”

The women also admit to “knocking the staff into shape” and to racing the managers around just for fun. They love to laugh together, and age isn’t going to stop them having a good time.

They’re definitely #goals! Just 50 more years and I’ll be there myself (at least I hope so), and I can’t think of a better way to spend my golden years than raising cane with my bestie!

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Married Folks Should Enjoy These Tweets About How ‘Date Night’ Changes After You Get Hitched

Do you emember those date nights before you got married? Those evenings were hot, sultry, and full of romance.

Now that you’ve tied the knot? Maybe not so hot anymore…

Sleep! Now that’s exciting!

Enjoy these hilarious tweets about how date night…kind of fizzles out after you get married.

1. So happy together.

2. Sounds like a blast.

3. Hmmmmm…

4. In sync.

5. That’s a date, right?

6. Maybe in 12 years.

7. That is HOT.

8. Very romantic.

9. Now you know.

10. Oh, how things change.

11. Doesn’t seem equal.

12. Time to get $1.50 off.

13. Pay attention to the tenses.

14. Can we go home yet?

15. A picnic at home.

Tell us about your last date night with your spouse.

We want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly!

The post Married Folks Should Enjoy These Tweets About How ‘Date Night’ Changes After You Get Hitched appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share What They Think Are the Toxic Ideas Spread on Reddit

Reddit can be a good site to connect with people and to learn about different topics, but let’s face the facts: there are a lot of people out there with dangerous ideas that spread like wildfire on the Internet.

That’s why it’s important to find your news from reputable sources…which can definitely be hard to do these days.

Folks on AskReddit shared what they think are the toxic and potentially dangerous ideas and beliefs that people share on Reddit. Share your thoughts in the comments.

1. Deviating from the norm.

“Absolutely hating on those that deviate from the norm. Hating on people that conform to society’s norms but not Reddit’s norms. Hating on people trying to have fun or hobbies.”

2. Pure selfishness.

“Glorification of selfishness. I get the impression a ton of people on this site have difficulty asserting themselves, or recognizing or setting their own boundaries, because Reddit is full of advice geared toward people with these problems.

What these posters seem to forget is that not everyone is codependent with self-esteem through the floor. And yet anytime anyone wants to get out of something that someone else wants them to do, Reddit leaps to “no is a complete sentence! Put yourself first! Don’t JADE!” In real life though, maintaining healthy relationships requires sometimes doing things you aren’t thrilled about for others’ sake.”

3. Let’s see the proof.

“Reddit is very much “Guilty until proven innocent”.

They will jump straight down the throat of any alleged criminal with 0 facts, 0 context, and demand they be sentenced to years behind bars, or worse.”

4. Quick to judge.

“Reddit has a tendency to label people “toxic” and encourage relationship advice that isn’t great.”

5. That’s bizarre.

“Worshipping celebrities. 10 year olds don’t need to receive death threats because he’s never heard of a 55 year old actor.”

6. Hostile to the facts.

“Reddit is extremely hostile to actual expertise. If you state outright “I do this professionally and you are wrong” it will send people into an impotent rage. If you don’t say so, they will smugly keep missing the point. There really is no good way to try to correct misconceptions or bad information.”

7. Amen to this one.

“To an extent, Reddit plays a role in the growing anti-intellectualism. There seems to be a large assumption that this is a website of experts and lengthy replies must be credible. I saw a fellow redditor describe it perfectly, “you finally realize how little most redditors know when they start talking about a topic you happen to be well researched in”.

I see this in two places primarily, topics about public education (I am a middle school teacher) and topics such as anti-vaccine. I understand reddit hates anti-vax for good reason, but it is also stuck in the old “anti-vaxxers are just stupid” stereotype. Instead of educating and helping the problem, they just poke fun. This unfortunately drives more anxious parents toward anti-vax communities. A little empathy, understanding, and education would do more to combat ideologies such as anti-vaccines than anything reddit actually does.”

8. Does that mean you can do whatever you want?

“Those people who make introversion out to be an excuse for some pretty terrible antisocial/misanthropic/unacceptable behavior.

I don’t like loud spaces and can feel overwhelmed by crowds of people; I would pay not to go to a concert. I also genuinely love the people in my life and will always make time for anyone who needs me. In my experience this is true for everyone extroverts and introverts alike.”

9. Don’t take this advice.

“Everyone is an armchair psychologist. You post about feeling sad sometimes and inevitably someone is like “thats because you have atypical depression and bipolar disorder” or whatever.”

10. Come on Reddit…

“One example of this….a medical doctor posts a well written comment about the dangers of over prescribing anti biotics. Top comment of the thread. Tons of awards. Later a 2nd year med student posts a similar comment. Still well written but maybe misses a few key points specifying how and why. Again…top comment of the thread. Gilded to the nines.

Later a college freshman bio major writes a pretty bad summary of the situation but it’s part of the Reddit hive mind echo chamber so anyone who bothers to correct him gets misinterpreted and downvoted. And so on and so on until someone LITERALLY TELLS ME they read on Reddit that taking antibiotics is dangerous and will lead to a super disease that will wipe out humanity. Come on Reddit….”

11. Stereotyping.

“Stereotyping, in general, seems rampant. Many comments and posts seem to believe that individuals are incapable of independent thought and just reflect the race/religion/gender/ethnicity/group/nationality/political party/subreddit/culture they belong to.

People are varied even within ideologies. Argue points and issues, not identities.”

12. That’s not good.

“If your partner does anything at all that you dislike, you should dump them, take them to the police, avoid all other partners in the future, etc etc.

Particularly prevalent in Relationships, Relationship Advice, AmITheAsshole and even just AskReddit itself. It’s rather appalling, and it seems to be pushed by people who have no idea what being in a relationship is actually like. It’s not fucking easy basically, you want to love something and be in a completely committed relationship? Prepare to fight for it, because it is not easy.”

13. What about the gray areas?

“Failure to acknowledge any nuance or gray areas. People feel the need to go all in on one side for any issue. I think they feel they’ll look weak or hurt their argument by relenting on any point. Or having a discussion on any point.”

14. Bad advice.

“That whenever someone in your life isn’t behaving perfectly or 100% supporting of you all the freaking time, you need to “cut them out of your life” because they are “abusive” and “toxic”.

I’m curious how many families have been ruined by such destructive advice.”

15. Most people are good people.

“Most Americans I know are nowhere as racist, dumb or fat as reddit makes everyone else think.

A good bunch of them are smart, hardworking people, and are also nowhere as extremist as to be considered far-right, far-left, etc. Reddit might be a huge echo chamber in politics, but, at least the Americans I know, have moderate views and are easy-going people.”

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Parents, These Funny Tweets About ‘Screen Time’ Will Probably Look Familiar

I hear a lot of parents talk these days about “screen time.” I can’t seem to escape it for some reason.

Limiting screen time, extending screen time, it never ends!

In the spirit of SCREEN TIME, let’s look at these funny tweets…

1. Sure…

2. Not gonna happen, friends.

3. Don’t bother me anymore.

4. Great job.

5. Can’t get away from it.

6. Changed pretty quickly on that one.

7. You’re lying!

8. A different kind of screen.

9. Cat enforcer.

10. Don’t torture yourself.

11. The choice is yours.

12. Didn’t even bother looking.

13. A serious threat.

14. Definitely the better option.

15. That’s why she’s doing it…

Moms and dads out there, how do you deal with screen time for your little ones?

Tell us your methods and tips in the comments so we can all compare notes.

The post Parents, These Funny Tweets About ‘Screen Time’ Will Probably Look Familiar appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Times Kids Asked Hilarious and Ridiculous Questions

You can be sure that kids are always going to ask ridiculous and inappropriate questions at the worst times.

Hey, their filters aren’t fully developed yet, so give them a break.

Let’s see some perfect examples of this…

1. Now I feel dumb.

2. That’s a great question!

3. Need some help with this one.

4. Someone needs to patent this ASAP.

5. All ‘Frozen’, all the time.

6. She’s already annoyed about it.

7. Brilliant!

8. I’d like to go there.

9. Not yet…

10. It is like a church.

11. I can’t answer that.

12. Makes you feel old.

13. Better get it for them.

14. Fight club.

15. An interesting concept.

Now, we know that those of you out there with kiddos have A TON of these kinds of stories.

Share them with us so we can laugh at your embarrassment!

The post 15 Times Kids Asked Hilarious and Ridiculous Questions appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Weirdest Places They’ve Ever Fallen Asleep

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever fallen asleep? At your job? Your car? In a dumpster? It’s okay, you can tell us, we won’t judge you.

AskReddit users shared their stories…tell us your stories in the comments.

1. Sleeping on the job.

“On film sets.

First time we were sat in a comfy auditorium for hours on end fake clapping and laughing. One after another someone would doze off and if an AD noticed they’d wake us up – unless the person was quiet enough and the others were making enough noise. During a particular slow turnover I dozed off, and during this period of my life I was a bit phlegmy so I didn’t realise my head had rocked back and I was snoring….. Loud .

Eventually when I came to – the crew were still doing adjustments, I remember this girl’s face as she looked up at me with the most appalled look on her face. I must’ve been snoring badly.

Second time this happened it was very unexpected, I was playing a refugee in a tent with other extras – the director had to place me further away from the others and turn me away from the camera because of how I looked. I lay there awake but pretending to be unconscious for the first and second take. I then wake after who-knows-how-long to clapping and an AD praising us: “…and that’s a wrap guys!”.

My friend on set (another extra) came up to me to say that I didn’t move an inch even when he tried to tell me jokes (we had just clicked on set and were having a lot of fun that day). I had to ask him how long has it been since we started rolling and find out that it’s been a good 3-4 hours….. Easiest paycheck I have or will make in my life.”

2. Very ironic…

“I fell asleep one time waiting before a medical procedure. They had to wake me up so that I could sign paperwork permitting them to put me to sleep.

Oh the irony.”

3. Must’ve been a slow day.

“In the back of an ambulance.

I’m the paramedic.”

4. That sounds scary.

“In a crawlspace when I was a technician for a laboratory.”

5. Very dangerous.

“Underneath the car while doing an oil change.”

6. Didn’t see that coming.

“Wiz Khalifa concert.

Everyone was so high, I fell asleep for a few minutes standing up & the crowd was so thick I didn’t even fall over.”

7. Standing up.

“On the bus, standing up.

In my defense, it was a traffic jam and I hadn’t slept the previous night.”

8. Thanks for the blanket.

“In college, I took a cognitive neuroscience course that involved designed experiments to be carried out in an MRI and how to analyze the brain images afterwards. As part of the course, we all carried out our studies, and I volunteered to be a participant for a few.

When I went to get in the MRI, the tech said I couldn’t wear my sweatshirt in due to the metal near the aglets, so she got me a blanket to keep warm. And to keep my head propped at the right angle, they gave me a stack of pillows.

I definitely unintentionally fucked with someone’s data by falling asleep mid-study.”

9. Sounds kind of nice.

“When I was a kid, like 5 or 6, there was a tree in the front yard I really liked climbing. There was a branch perfectly shaped for little me to lie down on. Early one morning, I woke up and decided to take my sleeping bag up the tree and went back to sleep.”

10. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

“On the deck of a trawler, with a mix of seawater, fish guts, and crude oil lapping against my makeshift bed.”

11. Out in the fields.

“On a tractor while plowing a field. I was doing night shifts during the summer and decided to get some extra hours in during the day so I was tired when doing my actual shift.

I switched on the tractors gps and set it to give me a signal 50 meters before the field ended to wake me up to turn around. The fields were about 1200meters long so id get about 10 mins of sleep befor having to turn around again.”

12. Sounds like a nightmare.

“Techno party with my head on top of a big ass speaker.”

13. They must’ve been desperate.

“During a job interview. He actually had to shake me awake. Weirder yet, I still got the job.”

14. Narcoleptic.

“Bathroom floors, standing up, in the middle of eating. I have narcolepsy so I can seep pretty much anywhere, not always by choice.”

15. Just for a second…

“I volunteered at the local firehouse when I was a teen/early 20s. We got a call one night on the interstate which was a 20 minute drive. Sick me decided to close my eyes thinking I would wake up when the sirens stopped. I woke up when the truck pulled back in the station and turned off with everyone laughing at me.”

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These Cats Definitely Thought They Were Hiding from the Vet

Nobody likes going to the doctor, and when you think about it, the experience is probably doubly uncomfortable for animals. After all, they don’t know why they’re there, they aren’t prepped (and can’t consent) for treatment, and the vet is a mostly-stranger who probably frightens them.

So, it’s no wonder they put on the brakes on the way in the door, and maybe even try to make themselves invisible once in the exam room.

Sadly for them (and us, honestly) there’s no invisibility spell currently available, no matter how hard these 12 kitties were willing it to be so.

12. Stop looking over here, you’re gonna give me away!

My cat also hates the vet/loves sinks. from aww

11. The classic “if I can’t see them they can’t see me.”

My cat went to the Vet today from aww

10. I am she and she is me.

My cat’s vet office strategy: blend in with the knick-knacks from aww

9. I hope somebody tall works there.

My mom took my cat to the vet today… from aww

8. He didn’t quite go all in.

Took apart my cat’s crate at the vet because he wouldn’t come out. Didn’t work! from aww

7. I will not go down without a fight!

My cat came out ready to fight someone at the vet. from aww

6. Nothing to see here, just another bill to pay.

This cats foolproof method of avoiding their vet checkup from aww

5. I can’t get past that his name is Yam tbh.

I see the dogs and cats in the corners of the vet, and I raise our cat, Yam. He escapes through the trash hole. from aww

4. Awww, Little Bob. It won’t be that bad.

Little Bob desperately hiding at the vet from aww

3. If only she was a calico.

My cat’s attempt at camouflage at the vet from aww

2. Regretting all of those extra treats now, aren’t we.

My cat doesn’t like the Vet from aww

1. This one is pretty impressive.

The vet thought we came in without her… from aww

 

Once again, cats prove they’re one of the main reasons for the internet.

I hope all of these little furballs got better soon!

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Here Are Some of the Weirdest Books on Amazon

A person can get lost – and I mean lost – on Amazon if you start exploring that site’s book titles. It’s a never-ending wormhole that will consume you and eventually will rule your life.

That’s where we come in! Instead of spending your precious personal time doing that, we’ve put together the weirdest, most unusual book titles that Amazon has to offer…

There really is a book for everything, isn’t there?

1. Yeah, bro!

Photo Credit: Amazon

2. This is a very important book.

Photo Credit: Amazon

3. What if…?

Photo Credit: Amazon

4. A moving volume.

Photo Credit: Amazon

5. Can’t get enough of this.

Photo Credit: Amazon

6. It’s handy!

Photo Credit: Amazon

7. Hmmmmm…

Photo Credit: Amazon

8. I love the look on his face.

Photo Credit: Amazon

9. A must-read for all teens.

Photo Credit: Amazon

10. You probably shouldn’t take this advice.

Photo Credit: Amazon

11. They do?

Photo Credit: Amazon

12. Okay…

Photo Credit: Amazon

13. Ladies, this one’s for you.

Photo Credit: Amazon

14. A worldwide bestseller.

Photo Credit: Amazon

15. A very timely issue.

Photo Credit: Amazon

Now I need to get my hands on all of those books to use for stocking stuffers this Christmas!

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