Behaviors That Seem Nice, But Are Toxic AF

Are you ready for some real talk? Let’s talk about the way we treat each other, and the way we disguise the bad as good and the good as bad. That’s the kind of conversation that got kicked off in a post from darkwulf1 on r/AskReddit:

What is a toxic behavior that is disguised as virtue? from AskReddit

The post quickly amassed thousands of comments – a few jokes here and there, but mostly honest feedback and frustration examining morality. Here are a few examples of some of the most interesting points.

1. Do you work to live or live to work?

The workaholic.

It’s fine to work hard at something you love, but not at the expense of everything else.

– kazu-sama

2. Don’t take autonomy.

People saying they did stuff that directly affects us without our permission for ‘looking after your best interests’

– dhavalaa123

3. “Chasing” can be pretty creepy.

Persistence in relationships.

It’s always sold in Rom-coms and in relationships.

But usually your persistence is a complete lack of respect for other people’s boundaries or holding onto things that aren’t working out.

– fishnugget1

4. Good action, bad motive.

People that do good deeds so they can brag about it or use it to their own advantage.

“Look at me, I’m such a good person! I do all these nice things, not because I wanted to be a good person or anything, nope!

Just so I could tell everyone about all the good things I do! Repeatedly. Like all the time. Because I’m a good person, remember?

Hey by the way, could you do me a fav-.”

– bayleaf0098

5. We’re not all on an even playing field.

That kind of Hustle Culture where successful people give “motivational” speeches (or more often Instagram captions) where they say stuff like “if you’re not succeeding you’re not working hard enough” or “we all have the same 24 hours.” We don’t all have the same 24 hours.

If you have kids, subtract a couple hours. If you have kids without a live in nanny subtract a bunch of hours. If you have to work a minimum wage job to make rent subtract hours. If you don’t have help to cook/clean/grocery shop/etc, subtract hours.

That’s part of why Kylie Jenner’s whole “self-made millionaire” think bugs me. Even IF she came up with her own ideas and did her portion of the work, she never had to worry about financial support to start her brand, or childcare while she was working, or who was going to cook meals for her and her kid or clean her house. Her lip fillers alone, which are a huge portion of her brand, can cost up to 2000 dollars a pop.

You’re not “self-made” if you couldn’t have done it without your parent’s money.

– tomis2003

6. This is called being an enabler.

Being the “supportive” friend/significant other who will never say no even if it’s a really bad idea.

– SoundedDoughnut

7. Nothing special about being mean.

People that say they’re always 100% honest and aren’t afraid to speak their mind.

It’s definitely useful when needed, but all the time just makes the person seem insufferable and rude.

– RackingRods

8. Don’t speak for me.

Being offended on behalf of another person without knowing or wanting to know their opinion.

– Dr-Sateen

9. Corporate morals are profit-driven.

Woke companies.

They are literally just trying to sell more sh^t by piggybacking onto whatever is the cause of the day.

– Trip_The_3rd

10. Back off a little.

Helicopter parenting, that sh^t scars you, makes you unable to function like a normal adult and struggle to make your own decisions when it comes to responsibility.

– bovineexcrement

11. Be real with yourself.

Constant self-diminishing and downplaying of your abilities as “humility”.

Just accept and recognize that you’re pretty skilled / have a lot of experience in something, instead of saying that it’s easy, that anyone could do the same and the list goes on.

– Chrysophren

12. Be vigilant around charisma.

Over-the-top kindness often masks agenda. Charisma goes a long way toward hiding darker traits.

– everysperm_is_sacred

13. Self-care vs selfishness.

Aggressive self-care — sometimes people use this as a hard stop to get out of things that they do not want to do because you can’t argue with someone saying that they need self-care.

But there’s a line between doing what you need to in order to bolster emotional and mental health and being lazy/taking advantage of people who want to support self-care more.

– BoundlessResonance

14. Your nihilism isn’t impressive.

The super ultra laid back mentality.

Not everything is ok. Not everything is a joke or is cool.

It’s good to have boundaries and to take things seriously.

– coldbloodedcreatures

15. This one’s called the “Golden Mean Fallacy.”

Accepting the objective truth in the form of a compromise.

IE If one person says the sky is blue, and another says the sky is yellow, the compromise would be that the sky is green (blue and yellow mixed), which is onviously not the objective truth.

– LondonDude123

I highly recommend scrolling through some of the other top comments on the original post, it’s a really fascinating bit of human self-reflection.

What else could go on this list?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Behaviors That Seem Nice, But Are Toxic AF appeared first on UberFacts.

Positive Thinking Isn’t Always Best For You

If you read a lot of wellness blogs, you might be under the impression that it’s important to think positive all the time.

There’s nothing wrong with being grateful for good things that occur in your life, but there’s also a time and place for acknowledging when things are not so great.

Photo Credit: Pexels

It’s important to point out when bad things are happening in life.

Let’s delve into some reasons why.

3. Denying Emotions Is Never Good

Author Brené Brown did a podcast about human suffering and mentioned that it’s important to acknowledge negative emotions in an Unlocking Us podcast.

She says,

“The emotions that you are feeling, that we feel, when we deny them, double down.

They burrow. They fester. They metastasize.

Not only do our feelings double down and grow, they invite shame over for the party.”

Photo Credit: iStock

2. Acknowledging Negativity Can Help You Become More Empathetic

Everyone struggles. Whether it’s spousal/partner issues, problems at work, or being unable to spend time with loved ones during special occasions, we all have something to grieve.

There’s some solace in knowing that you’re not the only one who has lost a friend, family member, partner, or job.

A lot of people struggle with paying bills or feeding their families. Naming the things that cause you grief can help you and others too.

Photo Credit: Pexels

1. It’s Never Good to Minimize Your Feelings

Minimizing feelings or circumstances makes it hard to find solutions to your problems. If you’re always happy, what incentive do you have to seek changes?

Hopefully, these tips will help you realize that although positive thinking is helpful, you can and should talk about the things that bother or sadden you.

What has helped you deal with life’s negativity? The comments section is probably a great place to crowd-source the benefits of acknowledging negative events or emotions, or finding practical solutions.

The post Positive Thinking Isn’t Always Best For You appeared first on UberFacts.

These 10 Compelling Facts Will Make You Think

It can be very difficult to impress people these days.

And when I say that, I mean that it can be hard to impress them with anything.

But we think our fact sets knock the ball out of the park on a regular basis. Because we work hard to curate our facts day in and day out.

So, without further ado, dive into these facts, let them sink in, and enjoy!

1. The effects of corporal punishment?

I have a feeling many parents don’t do this anymore…

Photo Credit: did you know?

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2. I really wish this wasn’t true.

There’s no such thing as “alternative facts”, people.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

3. Try to keep it separate.

If you can, that is…

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

4. All hail the Ravenmaster!

A tradition that goes way, way back.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

5. Take that, Boomers!

Hey, leave those young people alone!

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

6. Flatter than a pancake.

The verdict is in.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

7. That makes sense to me.

God bless Texas!

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2 Source 3

8. A terrifying real-life killer.

The inspiration for a lot of movies…

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source

9. Next on the list.

Scary to think about.

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

10. A total accident.

But we’re all glad it happened!

Photo Credit: did you know?

Source 1 Source 2

There are some damn good facts in there, if I do say so myself.

Now we’d like to hear from all the readers out there.

In the comments, please share something interesting with us that you think we’d all enjoy: an interesting fact, a story, a unique photo, etc.

We look forward to hearing from you!

The post These 10 Compelling Facts Will Make You Think appeared first on UberFacts.

Psychological Tests That Yielded Fascinating Results

Psychology experiments and tests can yield some interesting insights into human and animal minds. Like any other search for scientific answers, these experiments start out with a hypothesis to try to understand something.

An AskReddit thread asked commenters to share whatever they knew about psychology exams and the types of results they had. Here are some of their best answers.

15. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

“I’m late but nobody has said it yet. The self-fulfilling prophecy studies are very important to social psychology and their findings have many real world applications.

Basically they brought together a group of kids and formed a class with a real teacher. They gave the kids a test for overall academic skill at the start of the course, but didnt really use the scores. Instead they told the teachers that a few students, picked at random, were very brilliant and scores very highly. They then observed the class for a long period of time and noticed that the teachers gave the kids they thought were brilliant much more attention. At the end of the study the kids took the test again, and they found that the kids who were randomly named brilliant at the start actually scores higher than the rest of the class. The kids, again, at the start didn’t score any different from the rest of the class, but through the self fulfilling prophecy they became the best in their class.

This obviously has tons of application in the world and especially education.”

ehbacon23

14. The Monster Experiment

TW: childhood trauma

“The monster experiment! Although it is horrible how they left the children with mental health issues at the end, this experiment gave very good insight to how to parent a child.

On this experiment, they took groups of orphaned children and separated them into 3 groups. One was the control, the second were told they has a lips and were doing bad, and the third was told that their speech was perfect.

As the experiment went on, group 2 began developing lisps after being berated constantly. They became shy and reserved. They were scared to speak because they didn’t want to get in trouble because of their poor speaking skills. Group 3, however, had the opposite happen. They talked better, they were more willing to improve. They were encouraged to keep speaking and told that their speech was amazing and perfect.

By the end of the experiment, they had one group with no change, one group with now mentally ill children with a speech impediment, and one group with great speaking skills.

It truly shows that encouraging children is the way to go and that verbal abuse can be just as, if not more, harmful as physical abuse.”

Buniny

13. The Monopoly Study

“The Monopoly Study by Paul Piff.

He basically brought two strangers into the lab together and had them play a game of Monopoly together. He randomly assigned one participant to start the game with twice as much money than the other and that participant also got to roll both dice to get around the board (i.e., the other participant started with half the money and could only roll one dice). At the end of the game when he asked the participants who started with more money why he won the game, they would chock it up to their excellent strategy and gamesmanship rather than the fact that they had started the game with way more resources.

It says a lot about how we deal with being born into a privileged state.”

respectfullydissent

12. The Three Christs Experiment

“The Three Christs of Ypsilanti

Psychologist forces three people who believe that they are Jesus Christ to live together.

It does not go well.

The psychologist, Milton Rokeach, had heard of a case where two women who believed that they were Mary, mother of Christ, were forced to live together and one of them broke free from their delusion.

So he figured, three Christs…what would happen.

They were angry at each other. Often had physical fights. They eventually started getting along by avoiding the topic. He would ask them about the others and each would say that the others were crazy. That they, of course, were the real Jesus.

No cures. Some unethical stuff. Interesting though.”

hateboresme

11. Milgram’s Small World Experiment

“I’m a huge fan of Milgram’s Small World Experiment. It is more sociology than psychology, but I still think it is really cool.

Milgram sends out 160 letters containing the name and address of a stockbroker in Boston to people in Omaha, Nebraska. They had to send it to someone they thought would get the letter closer, but they couldn’t mail it directly to the stockbroker. Interestingly, most people that sent on the letter sent it on to the same group of people on the 5th degree. It only took 6 people (hence the six degrees of separation) to arrive, on average.

It shows how interconnected our world is, even before the internet, which is happy to think about.”

MegosAlpha

10. This Candle Trick

“If you stare into a dimly lit (i.e. candle-lit) mirror for 10+ minutes you start to see hallucinations. What individuals see tends to vary, but they’ve used this as a test to simulate schizophrenia before because some see monsters / deformities / general weird shit.

I did a variation of it for a mate at uni and completely wimped out of it. After my face started not looking like my face anymore (I had a complete dissociation) I stopped looking and just waited out the time.

Edit: I can’t find the exact study as I don’t have journal access anymore but here’s a decent summary of it in laymans terms

Edit2: This is a weird visual trick that your brain can play on you, but the effects can seem super real so maybe don’t do this if you are susceptible to hallucinations / are a wimp with this kinda shit like me

Edit3: Thanks for the gold! and yes it is basically a scientific bloody Mary.”

mitzimitzi

9. Red is Influential!

The influence of the colour red in sports: Judges were shown a video of a Tae Kwon Do match and awarded more points to the red competitor (versus the blue competitor). When the colours were digitally reversed, judges awarded more points to the other, now red, competitor.

Since there’s a lot more interest than I expected, here’s some more info: Red may be a signal of dominance as reddened skin is associated with higher testosterone (or possibly higher fertility in women). Wearing red may induce intrinsic psychological effects which increase dominance in addition to altering the perception of others. Researchers found that putting red leg bands on birds increased dominant behaviour, as they took the “lion’s share” of the food.

For my psychology degree dissertation, I presented photos of men to be rated on a scale of Friendly (0) to Threatening (10). Men received a higher threat score if I photoshopped their t-shirt to be red :).

8. The Negativity Bias Experiment

“There have been some experiments conducted, but the negativity effect/negativity bias is really sad to me: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negativity_bias

It basically says that negative things have a greater emotional and psychological toll on our health than positive/neutral things. So you got an A on a test, that’s great. But you totally fail a test, and the world crumbles and it’s a total disaster. A hundred things can go right and work perfectly throughout the day, but it goes totally undetected in our minds. Then someone cuts us off in traffic and we fume and rage. I learned about this theory almost three years ago and think about it all the time. Reminds me to appreciate and notice the many little things in my day that do go right.”

omgyoucunt

7. Mice Have Empathy

“Mice were put on two sides of a wall with a door in. Only the right mouse could open the door. Slowly, they filled the left mouse’s room with water and eventually when right mouse saw them in danger, they opened the door. However, mice that had previously been on he left side and were now on the right (mice who had previously been “wetted”) opened the door considerably faster because they knew how unpleasant it was to be in the other scenario. Basically mice have empathy

Link here: http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20150514-rats-save-mates-from-drowning.”

6. The Car Crash Experiment

“The Car Crash Experiment.

It demonstrated that the way investigators word a question has an immediate effect on the subject’s memory of an event. It was part of a suite of studies by Elizabeth Loftus (with various other co-researchers) that began to call in to question the veracity of eyewitness accounts.

https://www.simplypsychology.org/loftus-palmer.html.”

5. This “Drunk” Experiment

“One time I participated in a paid research experiment. I was basically tricked into thinking I was drunk.

I was placed in a room with 2 other people and we were instructed to drink vodka with cranberry juice over a period of time while we socialized. After we drank I was placed in a room where I had to read some flashing words on a computer. I felt pretty drunk at this point. When the researcher came back into the room he gave me my car keys and said I was never actually given alcohol. He briefly told me that because I was anticipating drinking for this experiment that my brain had tricked me into feeling the effects of being intoxicated.

I immediately snapped out of it and was completely amazed at how I felt.”

Extrasherman

4. This Conformity Experiment

“Solomon Asch’s experiment on conformity. He set up a test wherein he would show 3 lines of different lengths to 5 or 6 individuals (I forgot the exact number) who had to state which line was the longest of the 3. The thing is, only the last individual is the participant and the others are actors paid to answer in a specific manner. For the first few questions, they choose the correct answer, but later on they start choosing the wrong one. The participants are conflicted as to whether they will say the correct answer or conform to the wrong answer as to not be judged by others or due to self-doubt of their own answers. In the end, most do conform.

It’s really interesting since it shows how powerful conformity is in the face of doubt, up to a point that some even question their own sanity during the test.

Another variation of the experiment also had interesting results. It had the same set up with 5 individuals with the last person being the participant. However, this time some of the actors say the wrong answer while 1 actor says the correct one. There was an increase in participants who would choose the correct answer and avoid conformity. It shows how much doubt one can have on oneself when alone, but be brought back to self-confidence when they find outside support.

Edit: Conformity in participants might be caused by either being afraid others’ judgement or due to self-doubt.”

gerik_sinovercos

3. Misattribution of Arousals

“Aron and Dutton (1974) – Misattribution of arousal.

Men who had just walked across bridge (either steady or unsteady) were approached by a female psychology student, posing to do a project on the effects of exposure to scenic attractions on creative expression. The men had to complete a questionnaire and write a short dramatic story about a picture she provided and she gave them her phone number if they had more questions. Men who walked across the shaky bridge were more likely to call her up because they misattributed the arousal from the bridge to the woman.

TLDR: watch a horror movie on the first date.

Edit: grammar. Sorry about the confusion.”

memesandreams

2. The Phantom Limb Experiment

“The phantom limb experiment is pretty fascinating.

Basically, you can be tricked into feeling something that’s not there.

Here’s an article about the experiment.”

elee0228

1. Why We Expect Good or Bad Things to Happen To People

“Not just one experiment, but a whole thesis and series of works supporting it:

According to the Just world Fallacy we expect good or bad things to happen to people for a reason and go to pretty interesting length to make up for the lack of justice. Like someone winning the lottery and us thinking they deserve it.”

NS-11A

These psychological experiments showed us some interesting facets of animal and human behavior.

Have you heard of other experiments that prove we’re a little weirder than we thought?

Chime in with this insight in the comments!

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