Category: psychology

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This Woman Was Trapped in a Toxic Relationship, So the Internet Decided to Help

The internet can sometimes seem like it’s only filled with trolls and bullies looking to tear people down. But there are just as many people who use the internet for good, spreading positivity around the globe with a single click.

In this viral Twitter thread, a woman named Ciara Behrens tweeted screenshots of text messages between her friend and her friend’s boyfriend. Check out how the internet community stepped up to help.

Photo Credit: Twitter

She included the following text messages in her tweet:

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A little manipulative, but okay…

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Ugh. Gross.

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And the big finish:

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Naturally, Twitter exploded.

 

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Things got a little ugly on the thread. Some folks stuck up for the boyfriend, but most saw his text messages as manipulative.

Photo Credit: Twitter

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After lots of tweets and DMs, Ciara posted an update.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Ah, a happy ending. Thanks, Twitter!

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17 Tumblr Posts That We Can Relate To So Hard

We all have strange thoughts sometimes. Weird feelings that strike us at unexpected moments. When this happens, it’s always nice to know that you’re not alone. That’s where Tumblr comes in.

These 17 Tumblr users posted some jokes that are so relatable, you’ll feel it deep in your soul. Enjoy!

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: glumshoe

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: spookyoboro

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: coolpepcat

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: tupacabra

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: thejonymyster

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: nitrosplicer

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: ladyshinga

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: viscrael

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Photo Credit: Tumblr: jacquiehallway

We are not alone!

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Why The Salem Witch Trials Happened, According to Tumblr

Nowadays, we know that witches are nothing more than a bunch of hocus-pocus, but back in the 1600s, it was a different story. The Salem Witch Trials were a real thing that led to over 200 people being accused of witchcraft, 20 of whom were eventually executed.

While many theories exist as to the actual reason behind this strange moment in history, they’ve all been based on rumor, speculation, or ridiculous fiction. But some of the best evidence we have lies in medical reports that attribute “possession” to hallucinogenic effects.

So, a group of Tumblr users put their heads together and attempted to offer up their best guess as to how the Salem Witch Trials came about. If you ask me, it makes a whole lot of sense!

Photo Credit: Tumblr: obytheby

So, what do you think? Are you as convinced as I am?

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People Reveal Things They Hated About Themselves When They Were Young but Have Grown to Love

The teenage years are tough. While you do make some wonderful memories, you’re also constantly learning new and horrifying info about your body (and the world) and worrying about whether or not people will think you are weird.

But, as most adults will tell you, the things you hated most when you were young might not actually be that bad. In fact, you may even grow to love them with time. Twitter user Ashley C. Ford recently posed this question to her followers:

Photo Credit: Twitter: @iSmashFizzle

From there, the responses poured in. Some are a bit funny, some are a bit heartwarming, but all of them serve as a reminder that time is a wonderful healer.

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Photo Credit: Twitter: @pfpicardi

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Photo Credit: Twitter: @chkn_nguyen

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Photo Credit: Twitter: @nursing_z

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Photo Credit: Twitter: @seppichdaily

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Photo Credit: Twitter: @magsstorey

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Photo Credit: Twitter: @itsmeganross

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Photo Credit: Twitter: @Cmoenay

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Photo Credit: Twitter: @jamelazarha

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Are these bringing some memories to mind? What are some things you used to feel insecure about that you now consider a strength?

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Teacher Uses Brilliant Chart to Explain Consent to Kids

While “consent” as a term in regards to sexual interactions is relatively new, the concept has been around for quite some time.

It seems, however, that a disturbing number of people aren’t aware – or claim they were not aware – that such a societal construct has always been in place.

Consent is, however, necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling to understand why it’s important and what, exactly, it looks like in definition and practice, then this third grade teacher has your back.

Elizabeth Kleinrock, curator of the website Teach and Transform, sees herself as more than a teacher – she’s a self-proclaimed “social justice advocate” and “anti-bais educator.”

Luckily, the way she’s come up with to teach children about consent is much simpler than the way she describes her job. Brilliantly simple, even. Take a look.

Image Credit: Instagram

First up, she defines the concept in simple terms. Next, she explains just what enthusiastic consent sounds and feels like when you’re giving or receiving it, and outlines all of the scenarios in which third graders might be in a position when they need to ask before taking an action.

In the bottom third of her chart is what is not consent – here, she addresses more complex concepts like someone’s body language not matching their words, someone changing their mind after giving consent, and someone who approved an action previously but who now doesn’t want it.

She also helps kids come up with simple phrases and ways to decline a request that they’re not receptive to or that makes them uncomfortable.

Boom. Done, and in one simple chart. Hang it on your wall. Share it with your own children. Put it up in your cubicle at work, if you think it’s needed.

Share, share, share.

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Everyone Should Read this Woman’s Twitter Thread About How She Learned to Set Boundaries

Boundaries are important for everyone to set, but they’re especially important for women. In a world that encourages passive behavior, women can often become trapped in damaging situations, not realizing they should escape until it’s too late.

Erynn Brook, a feminist writer, wrote a Twitter thread about how her mother taught her to set boundaries.

Photo Credit: Twitter

She starts by discussing the instructions her mother gave her about her first sleepover.

Photo Credit: Twitter

She asked the girl’s mom to call her mom. She persisted, even when the girl’s mom was reluctant.

Photo Credit: Twitter

The girls at the sleepover were confused. Brook’s mom continued to support her in setting boundaries.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Brook acknowledges that this advice runs counter to many of the messages we receive as women.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Brook also acknowledges that in some situations, there is no way out. In other situations, though, we could leave, but don’t realize we have permission.

Photo Credit: Twitter

As Brook continued to struggle with giving herself permission to leave, her mom asked her a key question: “What do you need so you can leave?”

Photo Credit: Twitter

Brook clarified a bit later that although this message may resonate with women, it’s an important lesson to teach all children, regardless of gender identity.

Photo Credit: Twitter

We all have the right to set boundaries, and we all have the right to leave.

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Beautiful Tumblr Post Has The Internet Looking at Love in a Different Way

Taylor Myers, the Ohio poet known for her Tumblr blog Honey Yellow, recently made a post that has people reevaluating the way they look at relationships.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

The post stems from people asking her about her biggest fear, which she discovered when taking a class called “Relationships for Life.”

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Tumblr was blown away.

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Myers was surprised to find this was her most popular poem. She decided to give a bit more background on her poem and the class.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

As we grow older, we learn that love is more than just a feeling. It’s a choice we make, day in and day out. Tumblr users agreed.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Photo Credit: Tumblr

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Myers’ post (and her update) remind us that love is, ultimately, up to us. That’s both terrifying and empowering.

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13+ People With Sociopathic Friends Share Their Most Uncomfortable Interactions

Sociopathy and psychopathy actually are tough to spot. You see, the thing about psychopaths (and, to a lesser extent, sociopaths) is that they look and act like everyone else…until they don’t. One moment things are totally normal, then next thing you know everything is out of control.

These 13+ people didn’t know who they were spending their time with at first, but after they did, some of these amazingly uncomfortable moments made a lot more sense.

#15. Every single hair on my body stood straight up.

“I remember from a very early age that my mom would just stand in the entrance to my room with a knife. This didn’t happen very often, maybe 2-3 times a year.

When I was 9, I finally asked her why she would do this. I’ll never forget how she said this. She looked me dead in the eyes and said that I was a mistake and she was deciding if she “should do what she should have done a long time ago”. I asked to move in with my grandma a week later.

Thinking about how she said it still gets my heart racing 22 years later. I don’t know if I can accurately describe it but every single hair on my body stood straight up. I was paralyzed with fear and I felt like if I moved too suddenly she would strike.

Backstory: Mom had me when she was 16 and regularly told me that I ruined her life. She was a habitual drug user and alcoholic. She told me that if she had the money she would have had an abortion.”

#14. Play things.

“When they told me they see their friends and people as play things.”

#13. Completely dead in the face and eyes.

“I dated someone who I now believe is a sociopath.

The most uncomfortable thing while we were dating was the he would constantly whisper things in my ear in public (in earshot of other people) like, “Do you think I look hot right now?” or “Do you think I’m cool?” And the first few times I thought he was joking so I laughed, and he’d get angry. He wanted a serious answer, he wanted me to tell him how much I wanted to jump his bones right there in front of all of our friends, while they were watching and listening. I’d get lectured afterwards like, “You know, you really insulted me personally when you laughed at me in front of everyone.”

He could also cry on cue to get what he wanted and as soon as he got what he wanted, it would instantly switch off and he’d turn very serious and tell me what a horrible person I was. The instant emotional switches are disarming.

When he broke up with me I went from being his favorite person in the world to instantly at the very bottom of his shit list. He laughed when I cried on multiple occasions calling me ridiculous.

What’s very alarming about people like him is how many people they can get on their side with their charm. None of his current friends know anything about his behavior behind closed doors. And they’re all new people, all the people who “caught on” when we were dating are gone from his life. He has convinced his new friends that I’m a psychopath because I tried to tell others what happened so whenever I say anything about what a creep he is, I get brigaded by the new people who are now being manipulated.

Also he is completely dead in the face and eyes until you interact with him and then it’s like he becomes animated.”

#12. He was just very enthusiastic.

“Someone in our extended family. He offered to kill my cat for me to safe a vet bill. The cat wasn’t sick. Or old. He was just very enthusiastic about helping us out with that particular issue.

He’s not allowed to be alone with pets anymore.

Edit: This wasn’t the first incident, actually. At a family gathering he took the family dog for a walk. He returned with the dog soaking wet. It was December, and he claimed the dog had chased a squirrel into the river. People didn’t entirely believe that story, somehow.

He also tends to just leave gatherings without telling anyone, sleeps in the garden instead of on the couch, and he rarely blinks. He is just altogether a little odd.”

#11. Living with her was a nightmare.

“My sister feels nothing but rage. When she doesn’t feel rage, she feels, literally, nothing. She spends her life manipulating everyone around her and satisfying that rage. She mercilessly abused me growing up. She tried to kill me three times before I moved out. No one believed me. Because I was older and larger, I was always considered to be the aggressor, even when I was being violently assaulted in my sleep. Living with her was a nightmare. The most uncomfortable moment between us wasn’t something she did to me. It was something I considered doing to her.

I’d been sent up to the crawl space to get an ornament. You could only access it from a ladder in the garage. When I grabbed it and turned around, she was at the top of the ladder, staring at me. There wasn’t any room for her to come up, she was just waiting there. Staring. She told me to get out of the way, and I told her I couldn’t. There wasn’t room for two people in the crawlspace. She’d have to go back down the ladder. She immediately switched to rage. She said she hated me, and she wasn’t going to let me down from the crawlspace. It was 110 degrees in there, and I was already exhausted.

I remember thinking… she’s at the top of a ladder… over a cement floor… I could make this stop… I’d just say it was an accident… I’m only 12… no one would convict me…

As soon as I thought that, her face suddenly went blank, and she went back down the ladder.”

#10. He actually thought it was endearing.

“In high school, my boyfriend at the time and I shared a math class together. It was well known we were dating so I would always take him his homework via teachers request if he missed (he skipped a lot). I broke up with him over Xmas break (he cheated on me). Math teacher obviously still assumed we were together so he asked me to bring him his homework. I did.

Got to his house, wanting to drop it off at his door step. He told me to come in and explain it to him. He locked his bedroom door and started saying shit like “if I can’t have you then no one else can”, “I could get you back in a second. Just admit it”… etc. Then the true kicker: “if I killed you or if you died, I would keep your body in my closet or hung behind my door just to have sex with it”. (Disclaimer: I never had sex with him and I think that killed him). He then proceeded to try to make out with me and jam his hands down my pants. He actually thought it was endearing and had no idea why I was so upset.

I got out. Called my mom to pick me up. And ran back to the school (he lived close).

Terrifying. To this day I’m still horrified about it and him. Last I heard he was trying to be a magician, looks like Charles Manson, and is in and out of psych wards.”

#9. I think my friend was about to kill him.

“I have a friend who’s a pathological liar. He’s also mostly Scottish in heritage – northern Scotland, where the Viking influence is. He’s 6’8, 350 lbs when he’s watching his weight, 400+ when he isn’t and there is a lot of muscle to go with everything else.

The lies aren’t all that awful most of the time – he’s known as a very entertaining storyteller and everyone knows he’ll embellish greatly from time to time. But he can’t keep a girlfriend – apparently he can’t be honest, is a pathological cheater, the lies catch up with his relationships in a few weeks at most.

One day we were in a taxi together and he got the idea that the driver was taking a route that was unnecessarily long. He stopped the cheerful story he was telling me mid-sentence. His face changed and he barked at the cab driver in a voice I’d never heard, loud and angry and aggressive. The cab driver immediately pulled over and let us out with out paying, and a good thing too – I think my friend was about to kill him. I was petrified in my seat – I felt like he might kill everyone in range, I was terrified.

It was the last time I spent time with him, though I’d known him for 20 years. I later learned that he won’t associate with someone after they’ve “seen him snap,” as one of his other ex-friends put it.”

#8. He thought it was funny.

“This kid in my 8th grade class. He showed us a video of him lighting a cat on fire while it was alive. He thought it was funny. We reported the video to the school and he was apprehended next day.

I believe you can find a news story online about it. It happened in Maryland a few years ago.”

#7. I would just awkwardly nod my head.

“When he would tell a story that I was apart of and make up huge lies of what happened. Even sometimes switch his role and mine. And I would just awkwardly nod my head and wonder if he truly remembered it that way.”

#6. How dangerous she actually was.

“By far figuring out how she dangerous she actually was. I grew up with her until she was removed from the house due to trying to burn it down with us in it; she said it was a suicide attempt. Okay, whatever, maybe. Years later I find out her house burned down with her disabled daughter in it; she said it was an accident, candle or some bullshit like that. Possible conicidence, but highly unlikely. She did other things too, e.g. poured paint over every item I owned when I was around ten, slept with a knife under her pillow, etc..”

#5. Do you trust me?

“We were cleaning our guns. This guy pointed the gun at me and ask me if I trusted him. Do you think the gun is unloaded? He asked me. I could be negligent or evil and I could left a bullet in there. He pull the trigger, laugh, and carry on cleaning the gun like nothing. He thought it was funny.”

#4. He still can’t help himself.

“I’ve been long time friends with a sociopath. He is honestly like my brother. We have developed this relationship that basically treats me like his moral compass, but it doesn’t always work. He is still manipulative and cruel at times, and he does only truly care about himself, but he tries to be a good person because he doesn’t want to be an asshole.

This being said my most uncomfortable moment with him would have to be when he was telling me about watching some guy almost die. He was telling me how he knew he should have stopped watching and helped him, but he was too interested in what the outcome would be if he didn’t help. It was creepy to know that as hard as he may try to be a decent person. Sometimes he still can t help himself.”

#3. I woke up three days later.

“My sister is a sociopath, it took me a lot of years to realize this and stop rationalizing it. I’m a diabetic and have been in comas. During the last one in 2015, after a year of no contact, she showed up at the hospital saying I had expressed to her that my wishes were Do Not Resuscitate. About 12 of my friends shouted her down and I woke up 3 days later on my own. If I had coded during that time, however, there would have been a lot of grey area around if they were allowed to revive me. About 4 months later she took out a life insurance policy on me and asked me to sign it….I said no lol. I no longer speak to her.

Oh man, this blew up. I should add that I now have very clear wishes notarized and copies kept with my doctors and trusted friends. She’s not taking me out that easily!! Thank you guys for being concerned, it’s great advice for everyone in a medical situation to have just in case.”

#2. Will never forget that psycho grin on his face.

“My uncle. We found out things in bits and pieces.

My dad and he work together. He got my dad fired by saying all sorts of lies to their boss. And then pretended to be the white knight by offering him a job in another country where he’s living. Money was tight back then and we were in a lot of debt so dad agreed. He took him there, gave him work, but also made him a slave to his wife and kids who also lived there. Dad was expected to cook food, wash the dishes, clean up the dining table after uncle’s family ate and then eat himself. Yeesh. Dad didn’t tell us until much later. According to the rules set by uncle, he wasn’t to contact us often, should mind his own damn business even if his daughter didn’t turn up home all night, and keep his mouth shut about work. Dad was miserable there and we couldn’t do much because, again, that job was a welcome relief to us. Uncle, meanwhile, would come every night to our home, have breakfast and dinner that my mom generously cooked because his family was abroad, while bitching about my dad in front of us. One day I had finally reached my breaking point and I started crying because I felt horrible for dad who was trying so hard to make things right for us. Uncle just sat opposite to me smiling. GODDAMN SMILING. Will never forget that psycho grin on his face. Days later dad suddenly turned up unannounced at home. Turns out he’d been dumped by uncle to our city without prior notice. Dad had no guts to tell us what happened.

We realised uncle was a psychopath later. He’d routinely mentally torture people and enjoy their misery while pretending to offer sympathies and help. He’s in a powerful spot so he offers his victims jobs. Once they accept, he makes them entirely dependent on him. He’d them put his victims under even more psychological stress be it threatening to cut off ties or getting them fired if they disagreed with him. My dad was really messed up for days. He’d swing from utter despair to not speaking for days to extreme violence to absolutely broken. Got beaten up a bit for trying to calm him down. Dad could finally regain his mental sanity after we cut off all ties to that uncle. Last we heard, he wants to contact my dad because they’re brothers and people realised what a piece of shit he is so they avoid him too. Dad’s like oh hell naw.”

#1. It clicked.

“I’m an ex-friend of a sociopath.

I think it was when we were hanging out and we started arguing about me going to his house. I had left my wallet there and I told him this and told him we needed to go back so I could get it.

He then started claiming that his parents didn’t like me and didn’t want me at his house. He said since they weren’t home that would just make it worse. I just kept saying I need my damn wallet and that he could get it for me. He proceeded to call me selfish and a monster for arguing with him. Like he yelled it in my face at in a public area. I was shocked and had nothing to say.

Then he proceeded to act like nothing happened. Asking me if we should get food, etc.

I eventually got my wallet back from him. He didn’t spend any money of mine or anything, but needless to say we aren’t friends anymore.

Honestly I didn’t even consider him a sociopath until telling my therapist about how he manipulated me into thinking everything was my fault and how me being better mentally was never enough. She basically told me straight up he’s a sociopath and it clicked. He used me just to fill his ego.”

 

Keep your friends close and all of that…

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30+ Ways to Deal with Depression and Anxiety That Actually Help

According to the World Health Organization, depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide. Did you know that more than 300 million people struggle with the illness globally? Not to mention anxiety, a frequent companion of depression, is the most common mental illness in the United States.

Many of those with anxiety and/or depression have struggled with finding effective ways to cope, and the stigma associated with mental illness certainly doesn’t help. This AskReddit thread gives 35 coping strategies for depression and anxiety that are actually helpful.

#35. The power of pets

For me getting a new kitten tugged me out of depression. I’m a huge cat person and this kitten just chose me like we got home and she came out of the cage straight to my lap to nap. Two years later her just being here loving me has made me a totally different person.

#34. Healthy living

Working out and eating healthy. Friends dragged me into it. Changed my life.

#33. Following a routine

Making a positive routine to replace the negative one you’re stuck in.

For instance I would take my phone into my room and go to bed and watch s DVD then waste time on the Internet for a bit and eat some junk food and then try to sleep, which wouldn’t happen and would lead to a pattern of sleeping during the day and being awake during the night.

So I went into my spare bedroom which unlike mine was bare at about 11pm without any phone or kindle or food and climb into the covers to sleep.

I slept better and broke that negative cycle and had the day to do things where I was awake properly.

Exercise and getting out if the house is another one

#32. Working on yourself

Doing things for myself, and putting work into myself. There’s nothing wrong with saying I want to do this for me. For me it was guitar, reading, and writing. I’m bad at all of them but I do them for me.

And leaving bad things behind, bad people behind. Thinking critically about negative aspects of my life. Consciously asking myself how they’re affecting me, and how I feel about them.

#31. Focusing on yourself

Plenty of water, regular exercise, a diet that is plant-based and varied, sunshine/light box/vitamin D supplements as needed/, lithium orotate, evening primrose oil, vitamin B p5p, adequate sleep, essential oils for different occasions.

To be honest I stopped talking about my problems so much. Keeping quiet about what I might be feeling at every moment helped me assess when I really was feeling something that I needed help with. I stopped going to therapy when I found myself repeating the same worry, I wasn’t getting anywhere. When I realized I could help myself I felt better because I was in control of my life.

I was labeled as a person with Borderline Personality Disorder which made me work harder to not be that person. It doesn’t feel good to have something “wrong” with you and it gave me more incentive to be someone who helps make everything positive around them. Hopefully I make others feel good in a genuine way every day. While I am far from reproach, as I also have feelings/opinions and am not a doormat, I think that I’m doing pretty well in my objective.

#30. Being your own bully

I bullied myself out of severe social anxiety. It got to the point where being in a moderate to large group/crowd of people would give me terrible diarrhea. It got to the point where it was a hopeless spiral of fear of shitting myself in public (only ever happened once and no one noticed) and fear of crowds feeding into each other.

One day, I’d just had enough. Enough missing out on things and excluding myself from concerts. I think it was the night my sister and her husband brought me to see Les Mis when they were on tour, and I shat myself on the way to the bathroom.

So I started being my own bully. I told myself: “Ya know what, Atlas_Mech? You are going to do this, even if you shit yourself in the process. Don’t want that? Too fucking bad. Bring an extra pair of panties and pants. You’re nervous? Oh fucking well. You’re shaking and trembling and having a fucking panic attack 3 days in advance? Too fucking bad. You made a promise to be there, and you don’t ever fucking break a promise.”

And it wasn’t an instant success. I bailed early at parties and events, but people were glad I showed up. I told someone about my social anxiety and consequential diarrhea and they said, “that’s okay, it’s what I have a washer and dryer for! Oh! And now you can try on my clothes! I’ve got your back.”

#29. Letting go of what doesn’t matter

Started to stop giving fucks about things I used to care and started to work out. The beginning was the hardest though.

#28. Try a new hobby

Video games. Not kidding.

During my one and only anxiety/panic attack my friend took me to a LAN party at someone’s house. There was a steep learning curve on whatever war strategy game we were playing but I didn’t care, it did the trick.

#27. Take a unique approach

Exercise, the keto diet, daily 10 minute mediations, and lsd. I was anxious my whole life and now it’s gone. I was depressed and passively suicidal for years and now that’s all gone too. It feels like enlightenment but I don’t know if a person should say they’re enlightened lol.

#26. Medication

Medication. People shit on it, but when it works it really works.

#25. Cutting out caffeine

Besides meditation for me a HUGE thing was cutting out caffeine. I used to drink one to two cups a day in the morning and then take preworkout in the evening When I stopped I noticed almost an immediate enhancement to my quality of life. I know it doesn’t change everyone’s life but it definitely made a huge difference in mine.

Besides that, a daily routine. Writing out your goals every week and holding yourself accountable for accomplishing those goals. If I don’t actively have something to learn or move towards then I instantly get the sads. Go to the gym, go be outside. And as crippling as depression and anxiety can be, force yourself to be in social situations. Because no matter how hard it is to be in public, it will only get harder the longer you abandon society.

#24. Spending time with friends

Getting a job..

Hanging out with people who cared about me. I was very lonely as I just moved to a new city and had no friends at all. The source of my depression was essentially that I truly felt no one cared about me at all. Or even liked my prescence [sic]. Some friends came into the city for the weekend and I realized again that there are people out there who like me.

#23. Ignoring social media

Staying off social media seems to be overlooked but it helps me a lot. It’s not the total cure but a piece to the puzzle. You’re subconsciously comparing your life to a bunch of fake portrayals of other people’s happy lives which can make you feel down.

#22. Helping someone

I’ve learned that I can usually get out of bed to help someone else. It’s just a temporary fix, and maybe it’s sad that I can’t get out to help myself, but if I set my mind on doing something nice for another person, it’s much easier to get up. The motivation is good, and brightening someone else’s day is extremely rewarding. I encourage friends to always reach out if I can help with anything, because it helps me too. Even if they just want someone to bring them coffee or lunch at work.

#21. Writing down your thoughts

Making use of a journal and writing in it daily. It is key to get of your head and putting your thoughts down on paper is what helps. And most importantly doing rather than thinking. Of course visualizing is great, but be careful you’re not day-dreaming. Again, get of your own head and do something.

#20. Doggos are the best

Getting a dog. Funny thing is I didn’t even want to get one, I’m a cat guy and had a bad experience with a dog when I was younger. However my wife put up with my 2 cats for long enough so it wasn’t fair of me to refuse her when she wanted a dog, so here we are. Having something that both loves AND depends on me makes a huge difference – no offence [sic] to my wife or cats, but they’re pretty independent!

#19. Financial independence and awareness

Getting a job. I was quite badly depressed (with ups and downs) all throughout HS, University and that one terrible year of unemployment after my graduation. At some point I pushed myself to just go and get a job because I was afraid to lose my then BF (that’s not why we broke up). I find that even though I’ve had some short depression periods since, it never blew up to the same extent.

Being financially inedpendent [sic] helped me be at peace with who I am, as well as allowed me to invest money into the things I like. Having a schedule and something to do every day didn’t allow me to slip into the old patterns of procrsatination and let me have a purpose for the day. I don’t love my job, I actually hate how boring it is, but I’m working on changing that.

Another important part in overcoming the depression and anxiety is awareness. Digging deeper for the cause of it all, linking it to my family and the way I raised, again, helped me to accept myself and understand that not everything is my own fault. It was a huge relief in allowing myself to exist and be happy sometimes.

#18. Starting over

Moving on. Moving to a new town, starting college, essentially cutting myself off of my previous life with anxiety. I know, not very practical, but it helped me to break away from the stigmas that came from acquaintances observing your anxiety.

#17. Realizing you can change

The realization that I could change my reality.

I was unhappy with my weight so I started walking… Then running.. And then I was thin.

That simple cognitive realization tore down all of my self limiting barriers and enabled me to grab life by the balls.

#16. Building relationships

You know how everyone says that to find a significant other, you must first learn to love yourself and be happy alone? When I was depressed, I felt so lonely. But someone started to like me. My confidence started to come back. Feeling loved felt like I was a real human being, worthy of love, and I started to believe it. It was the best thing that happened to me, a year later I didn’t feel depressed anymore. And after we broke up, for unrelated reasons, I still have the feeling that I’m not such a worthless person, someone did love me. I can do this.

#15. Live in the moment

I learned from watching kids and dogs. Feel your emotions in the moment, then let them go and don’t worry about it so you can enjoy the simple things.

#14. Meditation and therapy

Mindfulness meditation/Cognitive behavioral therapy. Realizing that you are still in control of what you consciously attend to, the thoughts and feelings that run through your mind do not have to consume your identity. Observe them without judgement, let them pass without indulging in them and they will fade away.

#13. Understanding and accessing your emotions

Coming to understand why I had become the way I had become, felt the way I felt.

My condition caused me to increasingly lock away my emotions over a decade. Made me robotic and excessively logical. Manifested what would eventually be diagnosed as chronic depression.

When, through the help of therapy and a particular theory of emotional development, I had come to understand what had lead me to become this way, my emotions came flooding out. Never did I cry so much before, and never was I so happy to do so.

It’s been a little 4 years since that fateful weekend, and I have much greater access to my emotions. There’s still a risk that I’ll slip back towards more robotic behavior, and “periods when I feel low and unmotivated” characteristic of chronic depression still occur, but they occur with much lesser intensity and frequency over time.

#12. “Don’t tell me what to do”

I just don’t like it when things try to force me to do something, and when I realized that my depression was just neurochemicals [sic] in my brain making me feel completely disengaged from everything and everyone I used to love and making me just want to sleep 24/7, I just told myself no more. Otherwise the chemicals win, and fuck that. More than I hated my life at that point, I hate it when I’m forced to be a certain way. Don’t tell me what to do.

#11. Release oxytocin

A nice release of oxytocin works wonders, especially when it comes in the form of a hug or kiss.

#10. Start your day off right

Get up and take a shower

Put on fresh and clean t shirt and pants

Do this everyday and don’t forget about it.

#9. Find financial stability

For me… Making good money and finishing my 3yr long job training. I was constantly stressed and not the outgoing type before, so of course that did not help. But once I finished my training and had some decent money to do things without counting what I spent, I was surprised how I said to myself “now you stop worrying all the time, and go have some fun”.

I’m still getting used to being around people, but I’m on a good track, I think.

#8. Run, Forrest, run

Running. Run like Forrest Gump himself, a few miles a day and my nerves are calmed, self-worth improved.

#7. Enjoy the fiber arts

Knitting and crocheting. The feeling of creating something nice and warm in this cold world. (Not ironic).

#6. Try something new

In my teenage years I fell back on music to get me through. Just knowing I wasn’t alone helped a ton with my depression. Now that I’m a lot older my thing is new experiences or just a change of scenery. I’ll take a trip somewhere a few hours away or go to a concert. Or if it’s an option I’ll get a new tattoo.

#5. Accomplish something, even if it’s small

Being busy, not spending too much time on Reddit. Eating right helps a ton too. If an unhealthy mind can cause an unhealthy body, then an unhealthy body will cause an unhealthy mind. Produce each day. By that I mean do something productive, even if it’s only doing a load of laundry.

#4. Get moving

I can’t believe I’m giving the answer I always hated hearing:

Exercise.

It doesn’t change the shittiness but it adds energy to your reserves to deal with the shittiness.

Also mindfulness/dialectical behavioral therapy helped a lot. It helped me change my “I want to die” thoughts to “This sucks” thoughts. Made a huge difference.

#3. Enjoy nature

Long walks through nature and working out in my room while watching hearthstone streams.

#2. CBD oil

My wife suffers very bad anxiety and depression. We live in Maryland and I was thinking about sending her on a trip to Colorado to try Cannabis oil. She has a backpack full of meds currently. We do not drink. I don’t think she has ever smoked pot. She hates the idea of smoking anything, or vaping for that matter. She is 30 and has been living with this for quite some time now but it does not seem to be getting any better. She hates taking so much medicine but if she does not it can get pretty bad. She mostly does it for our kids, if not for them she would probably stop taking them and deal with the craziness. We talked about this Cannabis oil for a while but the closest place is D.C and have to have medical waiver. I don’t really have the cash to send her out to Colorado but if it helps it would be worth it. Just to see if it helps.

#1. Crafting

Honestly? Crafting. I need something to do with my hands, so knitting/crocheting has been my lifesaver. Even if it’s just simple squares or a doily, making things has helped me tremendously. Bonus points for being able to donate to the local warming centres and humane societies with the stuff you make.

The post 30+ Ways to Deal with Depression and Anxiety That Actually Help appeared first on UberFacts.

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Now Millennials Have Ruined Divorce, Too

People like to blame millennials for ruining everything. So…what have they ruined now? According to a recent study by Philip N. Cohen from the University of Maryland, they have ruined divorce.

Americans younger than 45 (an age group that technically includes the youngest Gen Xers) are taking a different approach to marriage. Rather than marrying young and divorcing like their parents, they are waiting to get married until they are older. This gives them an opportunity to get their careers and finances on track before tying the knot and starting a family.

With these changes, the divorce rate dropped by 18 percent from 2008 to 2016.

Photo Credit: Philip N. Cohen

Bloomberg presents a few possible theories as to why the divorce rate is falling. One possibility is that it’s actually due to our aging population. Older people are less likely to divorce. According to Cohen’s data, though, this isn’t the case. Even when he controlled for age, the divorce rate still showed an 8 percent drop.

Another theory is that the divorce rate is lower because fewer people are getting married. Although that’s true, Cohen compiled his numbers by looking at the number of divorces compared to the number of married women. Even looking at the divorce rate in this proportional way, the divorce rate still shows a decline.

Cohen’s data also shows that the decline in divorce is largely due to younger people. The Boomers have continued to have a high rate of divorce, even as they age. This trend has even spawned a new term: gray divorce.

Photo Credit: Philip N. Cohen

Overall, fewer people are choosing to marry. Those that do marry are statistically more likely to stay married. So millennials haven’t ruined divorce; they’re just less likely to need it because they are waiting to marry until they are financially and professionally secure.

But let’s go ahead and blame ’em anyway.

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