Category: psychology

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Everyone Should Read this Woman’s Twitter Thread About How She Learned to Set Boundaries

Boundaries are important for everyone to set, but they’re especially important for women. In a world that encourages passive behavior, women can often become trapped in damaging situations, not realizing they should escape until it’s too late.

Erynn Brook, a feminist writer, wrote a Twitter thread about how her mother taught her to set boundaries.

Photo Credit: Twitter

She starts by discussing the instructions her mother gave her about her first sleepover.

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She asked the girl’s mom to call her mom. She persisted, even when the girl’s mom was reluctant.

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The girls at the sleepover were confused. Brook’s mom continued to support her in setting boundaries.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Brook acknowledges that this advice runs counter to many of the messages we receive as women.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Brook also acknowledges that in some situations, there is no way out. In other situations, though, we could leave, but don’t realize we have permission.

Photo Credit: Twitter

As Brook continued to struggle with giving herself permission to leave, her mom asked her a key question: “What do you need so you can leave?”

Photo Credit: Twitter

Brook clarified a bit later that although this message may resonate with women, it’s an important lesson to teach all children, regardless of gender identity.

Photo Credit: Twitter

We all have the right to set boundaries, and we all have the right to leave.

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Beautiful Tumblr Post Has The Internet Looking at Love in a Different Way

Taylor Myers, the Ohio poet known for her Tumblr blog Honey Yellow, recently made a post that has people reevaluating the way they look at relationships.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

The post stems from people asking her about her biggest fear, which she discovered when taking a class called “Relationships for Life.”

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Tumblr was blown away.

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Myers was surprised to find this was her most popular poem. She decided to give a bit more background on her poem and the class.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

As we grow older, we learn that love is more than just a feeling. It’s a choice we make, day in and day out. Tumblr users agreed.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

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Myers’ post (and her update) remind us that love is, ultimately, up to us. That’s both terrifying and empowering.

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13+ People With Sociopathic Friends Share Their Most Uncomfortable Interactions

Sociopathy and psychopathy actually are tough to spot. You see, the thing about psychopaths (and, to a lesser extent, sociopaths) is that they look and act like everyone else…until they don’t. One moment things are totally normal, then next thing you know everything is out of control.

These 13+ people didn’t know who they were spending their time with at first, but after they did, some of these amazingly uncomfortable moments made a lot more sense.

#15. Every single hair on my body stood straight up.

“I remember from a very early age that my mom would just stand in the entrance to my room with a knife. This didn’t happen very often, maybe 2-3 times a year.

When I was 9, I finally asked her why she would do this. I’ll never forget how she said this. She looked me dead in the eyes and said that I was a mistake and she was deciding if she “should do what she should have done a long time ago”. I asked to move in with my grandma a week later.

Thinking about how she said it still gets my heart racing 22 years later. I don’t know if I can accurately describe it but every single hair on my body stood straight up. I was paralyzed with fear and I felt like if I moved too suddenly she would strike.

Backstory: Mom had me when she was 16 and regularly told me that I ruined her life. She was a habitual drug user and alcoholic. She told me that if she had the money she would have had an abortion.”

#14. Play things.

“When they told me they see their friends and people as play things.”

#13. Completely dead in the face and eyes.

“I dated someone who I now believe is a sociopath.

The most uncomfortable thing while we were dating was the he would constantly whisper things in my ear in public (in earshot of other people) like, “Do you think I look hot right now?” or “Do you think I’m cool?” And the first few times I thought he was joking so I laughed, and he’d get angry. He wanted a serious answer, he wanted me to tell him how much I wanted to jump his bones right there in front of all of our friends, while they were watching and listening. I’d get lectured afterwards like, “You know, you really insulted me personally when you laughed at me in front of everyone.”

He could also cry on cue to get what he wanted and as soon as he got what he wanted, it would instantly switch off and he’d turn very serious and tell me what a horrible person I was. The instant emotional switches are disarming.

When he broke up with me I went from being his favorite person in the world to instantly at the very bottom of his shit list. He laughed when I cried on multiple occasions calling me ridiculous.

What’s very alarming about people like him is how many people they can get on their side with their charm. None of his current friends know anything about his behavior behind closed doors. And they’re all new people, all the people who “caught on” when we were dating are gone from his life. He has convinced his new friends that I’m a psychopath because I tried to tell others what happened so whenever I say anything about what a creep he is, I get brigaded by the new people who are now being manipulated.

Also he is completely dead in the face and eyes until you interact with him and then it’s like he becomes animated.”

#12. He was just very enthusiastic.

“Someone in our extended family. He offered to kill my cat for me to safe a vet bill. The cat wasn’t sick. Or old. He was just very enthusiastic about helping us out with that particular issue.

He’s not allowed to be alone with pets anymore.

Edit: This wasn’t the first incident, actually. At a family gathering he took the family dog for a walk. He returned with the dog soaking wet. It was December, and he claimed the dog had chased a squirrel into the river. People didn’t entirely believe that story, somehow.

He also tends to just leave gatherings without telling anyone, sleeps in the garden instead of on the couch, and he rarely blinks. He is just altogether a little odd.”

#11. Living with her was a nightmare.

“My sister feels nothing but rage. When she doesn’t feel rage, she feels, literally, nothing. She spends her life manipulating everyone around her and satisfying that rage. She mercilessly abused me growing up. She tried to kill me three times before I moved out. No one believed me. Because I was older and larger, I was always considered to be the aggressor, even when I was being violently assaulted in my sleep. Living with her was a nightmare. The most uncomfortable moment between us wasn’t something she did to me. It was something I considered doing to her.

I’d been sent up to the crawl space to get an ornament. You could only access it from a ladder in the garage. When I grabbed it and turned around, she was at the top of the ladder, staring at me. There wasn’t any room for her to come up, she was just waiting there. Staring. She told me to get out of the way, and I told her I couldn’t. There wasn’t room for two people in the crawlspace. She’d have to go back down the ladder. She immediately switched to rage. She said she hated me, and she wasn’t going to let me down from the crawlspace. It was 110 degrees in there, and I was already exhausted.

I remember thinking… she’s at the top of a ladder… over a cement floor… I could make this stop… I’d just say it was an accident… I’m only 12… no one would convict me…

As soon as I thought that, her face suddenly went blank, and she went back down the ladder.”

#10. He actually thought it was endearing.

“In high school, my boyfriend at the time and I shared a math class together. It was well known we were dating so I would always take him his homework via teachers request if he missed (he skipped a lot). I broke up with him over Xmas break (he cheated on me). Math teacher obviously still assumed we were together so he asked me to bring him his homework. I did.

Got to his house, wanting to drop it off at his door step. He told me to come in and explain it to him. He locked his bedroom door and started saying shit like “if I can’t have you then no one else can”, “I could get you back in a second. Just admit it”… etc. Then the true kicker: “if I killed you or if you died, I would keep your body in my closet or hung behind my door just to have sex with it”. (Disclaimer: I never had sex with him and I think that killed him). He then proceeded to try to make out with me and jam his hands down my pants. He actually thought it was endearing and had no idea why I was so upset.

I got out. Called my mom to pick me up. And ran back to the school (he lived close).

Terrifying. To this day I’m still horrified about it and him. Last I heard he was trying to be a magician, looks like Charles Manson, and is in and out of psych wards.”

#9. I think my friend was about to kill him.

“I have a friend who’s a pathological liar. He’s also mostly Scottish in heritage – northern Scotland, where the Viking influence is. He’s 6’8, 350 lbs when he’s watching his weight, 400+ when he isn’t and there is a lot of muscle to go with everything else.

The lies aren’t all that awful most of the time – he’s known as a very entertaining storyteller and everyone knows he’ll embellish greatly from time to time. But he can’t keep a girlfriend – apparently he can’t be honest, is a pathological cheater, the lies catch up with his relationships in a few weeks at most.

One day we were in a taxi together and he got the idea that the driver was taking a route that was unnecessarily long. He stopped the cheerful story he was telling me mid-sentence. His face changed and he barked at the cab driver in a voice I’d never heard, loud and angry and aggressive. The cab driver immediately pulled over and let us out with out paying, and a good thing too – I think my friend was about to kill him. I was petrified in my seat – I felt like he might kill everyone in range, I was terrified.

It was the last time I spent time with him, though I’d known him for 20 years. I later learned that he won’t associate with someone after they’ve “seen him snap,” as one of his other ex-friends put it.”

#8. He thought it was funny.

“This kid in my 8th grade class. He showed us a video of him lighting a cat on fire while it was alive. He thought it was funny. We reported the video to the school and he was apprehended next day.

I believe you can find a news story online about it. It happened in Maryland a few years ago.”

#7. I would just awkwardly nod my head.

“When he would tell a story that I was apart of and make up huge lies of what happened. Even sometimes switch his role and mine. And I would just awkwardly nod my head and wonder if he truly remembered it that way.”

#6. How dangerous she actually was.

“By far figuring out how she dangerous she actually was. I grew up with her until she was removed from the house due to trying to burn it down with us in it; she said it was a suicide attempt. Okay, whatever, maybe. Years later I find out her house burned down with her disabled daughter in it; she said it was an accident, candle or some bullshit like that. Possible conicidence, but highly unlikely. She did other things too, e.g. poured paint over every item I owned when I was around ten, slept with a knife under her pillow, etc..”

#5. Do you trust me?

“We were cleaning our guns. This guy pointed the gun at me and ask me if I trusted him. Do you think the gun is unloaded? He asked me. I could be negligent or evil and I could left a bullet in there. He pull the trigger, laugh, and carry on cleaning the gun like nothing. He thought it was funny.”

#4. He still can’t help himself.

“I’ve been long time friends with a sociopath. He is honestly like my brother. We have developed this relationship that basically treats me like his moral compass, but it doesn’t always work. He is still manipulative and cruel at times, and he does only truly care about himself, but he tries to be a good person because he doesn’t want to be an asshole.

This being said my most uncomfortable moment with him would have to be when he was telling me about watching some guy almost die. He was telling me how he knew he should have stopped watching and helped him, but he was too interested in what the outcome would be if he didn’t help. It was creepy to know that as hard as he may try to be a decent person. Sometimes he still can t help himself.”

#3. I woke up three days later.

“My sister is a sociopath, it took me a lot of years to realize this and stop rationalizing it. I’m a diabetic and have been in comas. During the last one in 2015, after a year of no contact, she showed up at the hospital saying I had expressed to her that my wishes were Do Not Resuscitate. About 12 of my friends shouted her down and I woke up 3 days later on my own. If I had coded during that time, however, there would have been a lot of grey area around if they were allowed to revive me. About 4 months later she took out a life insurance policy on me and asked me to sign it….I said no lol. I no longer speak to her.

Oh man, this blew up. I should add that I now have very clear wishes notarized and copies kept with my doctors and trusted friends. She’s not taking me out that easily!! Thank you guys for being concerned, it’s great advice for everyone in a medical situation to have just in case.”

#2. Will never forget that psycho grin on his face.

“My uncle. We found out things in bits and pieces.

My dad and he work together. He got my dad fired by saying all sorts of lies to their boss. And then pretended to be the white knight by offering him a job in another country where he’s living. Money was tight back then and we were in a lot of debt so dad agreed. He took him there, gave him work, but also made him a slave to his wife and kids who also lived there. Dad was expected to cook food, wash the dishes, clean up the dining table after uncle’s family ate and then eat himself. Yeesh. Dad didn’t tell us until much later. According to the rules set by uncle, he wasn’t to contact us often, should mind his own damn business even if his daughter didn’t turn up home all night, and keep his mouth shut about work. Dad was miserable there and we couldn’t do much because, again, that job was a welcome relief to us. Uncle, meanwhile, would come every night to our home, have breakfast and dinner that my mom generously cooked because his family was abroad, while bitching about my dad in front of us. One day I had finally reached my breaking point and I started crying because I felt horrible for dad who was trying so hard to make things right for us. Uncle just sat opposite to me smiling. GODDAMN SMILING. Will never forget that psycho grin on his face. Days later dad suddenly turned up unannounced at home. Turns out he’d been dumped by uncle to our city without prior notice. Dad had no guts to tell us what happened.

We realised uncle was a psychopath later. He’d routinely mentally torture people and enjoy their misery while pretending to offer sympathies and help. He’s in a powerful spot so he offers his victims jobs. Once they accept, he makes them entirely dependent on him. He’d them put his victims under even more psychological stress be it threatening to cut off ties or getting them fired if they disagreed with him. My dad was really messed up for days. He’d swing from utter despair to not speaking for days to extreme violence to absolutely broken. Got beaten up a bit for trying to calm him down. Dad could finally regain his mental sanity after we cut off all ties to that uncle. Last we heard, he wants to contact my dad because they’re brothers and people realised what a piece of shit he is so they avoid him too. Dad’s like oh hell naw.”

#1. It clicked.

“I’m an ex-friend of a sociopath.

I think it was when we were hanging out and we started arguing about me going to his house. I had left my wallet there and I told him this and told him we needed to go back so I could get it.

He then started claiming that his parents didn’t like me and didn’t want me at his house. He said since they weren’t home that would just make it worse. I just kept saying I need my damn wallet and that he could get it for me. He proceeded to call me selfish and a monster for arguing with him. Like he yelled it in my face at in a public area. I was shocked and had nothing to say.

Then he proceeded to act like nothing happened. Asking me if we should get food, etc.

I eventually got my wallet back from him. He didn’t spend any money of mine or anything, but needless to say we aren’t friends anymore.

Honestly I didn’t even consider him a sociopath until telling my therapist about how he manipulated me into thinking everything was my fault and how me being better mentally was never enough. She basically told me straight up he’s a sociopath and it clicked. He used me just to fill his ego.”

 

Keep your friends close and all of that…

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30+ Ways to Deal with Depression and Anxiety That Actually Help

According to the World Health Organization, depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide. Did you know that more than 300 million people struggle with the illness globally? Not to mention anxiety, a frequent companion of depression, is the most common mental illness in the United States.

Many of those with anxiety and/or depression have struggled with finding effective ways to cope, and the stigma associated with mental illness certainly doesn’t help. This AskReddit thread gives 35 coping strategies for depression and anxiety that are actually helpful.

#35. The power of pets

For me getting a new kitten tugged me out of depression. I’m a huge cat person and this kitten just chose me like we got home and she came out of the cage straight to my lap to nap. Two years later her just being here loving me has made me a totally different person.

#34. Healthy living

Working out and eating healthy. Friends dragged me into it. Changed my life.

#33. Following a routine

Making a positive routine to replace the negative one you’re stuck in.

For instance I would take my phone into my room and go to bed and watch s DVD then waste time on the Internet for a bit and eat some junk food and then try to sleep, which wouldn’t happen and would lead to a pattern of sleeping during the day and being awake during the night.

So I went into my spare bedroom which unlike mine was bare at about 11pm without any phone or kindle or food and climb into the covers to sleep.

I slept better and broke that negative cycle and had the day to do things where I was awake properly.

Exercise and getting out if the house is another one

#32. Working on yourself

Doing things for myself, and putting work into myself. There’s nothing wrong with saying I want to do this for me. For me it was guitar, reading, and writing. I’m bad at all of them but I do them for me.

And leaving bad things behind, bad people behind. Thinking critically about negative aspects of my life. Consciously asking myself how they’re affecting me, and how I feel about them.

#31. Focusing on yourself

Plenty of water, regular exercise, a diet that is plant-based and varied, sunshine/light box/vitamin D supplements as needed/, lithium orotate, evening primrose oil, vitamin B p5p, adequate sleep, essential oils for different occasions.

To be honest I stopped talking about my problems so much. Keeping quiet about what I might be feeling at every moment helped me assess when I really was feeling something that I needed help with. I stopped going to therapy when I found myself repeating the same worry, I wasn’t getting anywhere. When I realized I could help myself I felt better because I was in control of my life.

I was labeled as a person with Borderline Personality Disorder which made me work harder to not be that person. It doesn’t feel good to have something “wrong” with you and it gave me more incentive to be someone who helps make everything positive around them. Hopefully I make others feel good in a genuine way every day. While I am far from reproach, as I also have feelings/opinions and am not a doormat, I think that I’m doing pretty well in my objective.

#30. Being your own bully

I bullied myself out of severe social anxiety. It got to the point where being in a moderate to large group/crowd of people would give me terrible diarrhea. It got to the point where it was a hopeless spiral of fear of shitting myself in public (only ever happened once and no one noticed) and fear of crowds feeding into each other.

One day, I’d just had enough. Enough missing out on things and excluding myself from concerts. I think it was the night my sister and her husband brought me to see Les Mis when they were on tour, and I shat myself on the way to the bathroom.

So I started being my own bully. I told myself: “Ya know what, Atlas_Mech? You are going to do this, even if you shit yourself in the process. Don’t want that? Too fucking bad. Bring an extra pair of panties and pants. You’re nervous? Oh fucking well. You’re shaking and trembling and having a fucking panic attack 3 days in advance? Too fucking bad. You made a promise to be there, and you don’t ever fucking break a promise.”

And it wasn’t an instant success. I bailed early at parties and events, but people were glad I showed up. I told someone about my social anxiety and consequential diarrhea and they said, “that’s okay, it’s what I have a washer and dryer for! Oh! And now you can try on my clothes! I’ve got your back.”

#29. Letting go of what doesn’t matter

Started to stop giving fucks about things I used to care and started to work out. The beginning was the hardest though.

#28. Try a new hobby

Video games. Not kidding.

During my one and only anxiety/panic attack my friend took me to a LAN party at someone’s house. There was a steep learning curve on whatever war strategy game we were playing but I didn’t care, it did the trick.

#27. Take a unique approach

Exercise, the keto diet, daily 10 minute mediations, and lsd. I was anxious my whole life and now it’s gone. I was depressed and passively suicidal for years and now that’s all gone too. It feels like enlightenment but I don’t know if a person should say they’re enlightened lol.

#26. Medication

Medication. People shit on it, but when it works it really works.

#25. Cutting out caffeine

Besides meditation for me a HUGE thing was cutting out caffeine. I used to drink one to two cups a day in the morning and then take preworkout in the evening When I stopped I noticed almost an immediate enhancement to my quality of life. I know it doesn’t change everyone’s life but it definitely made a huge difference in mine.

Besides that, a daily routine. Writing out your goals every week and holding yourself accountable for accomplishing those goals. If I don’t actively have something to learn or move towards then I instantly get the sads. Go to the gym, go be outside. And as crippling as depression and anxiety can be, force yourself to be in social situations. Because no matter how hard it is to be in public, it will only get harder the longer you abandon society.

#24. Spending time with friends

Getting a job..

Hanging out with people who cared about me. I was very lonely as I just moved to a new city and had no friends at all. The source of my depression was essentially that I truly felt no one cared about me at all. Or even liked my prescence [sic]. Some friends came into the city for the weekend and I realized again that there are people out there who like me.

#23. Ignoring social media

Staying off social media seems to be overlooked but it helps me a lot. It’s not the total cure but a piece to the puzzle. You’re subconsciously comparing your life to a bunch of fake portrayals of other people’s happy lives which can make you feel down.

#22. Helping someone

I’ve learned that I can usually get out of bed to help someone else. It’s just a temporary fix, and maybe it’s sad that I can’t get out to help myself, but if I set my mind on doing something nice for another person, it’s much easier to get up. The motivation is good, and brightening someone else’s day is extremely rewarding. I encourage friends to always reach out if I can help with anything, because it helps me too. Even if they just want someone to bring them coffee or lunch at work.

#21. Writing down your thoughts

Making use of a journal and writing in it daily. It is key to get of your head and putting your thoughts down on paper is what helps. And most importantly doing rather than thinking. Of course visualizing is great, but be careful you’re not day-dreaming. Again, get of your own head and do something.

#20. Doggos are the best

Getting a dog. Funny thing is I didn’t even want to get one, I’m a cat guy and had a bad experience with a dog when I was younger. However my wife put up with my 2 cats for long enough so it wasn’t fair of me to refuse her when she wanted a dog, so here we are. Having something that both loves AND depends on me makes a huge difference – no offence [sic] to my wife or cats, but they’re pretty independent!

#19. Financial independence and awareness

Getting a job. I was quite badly depressed (with ups and downs) all throughout HS, University and that one terrible year of unemployment after my graduation. At some point I pushed myself to just go and get a job because I was afraid to lose my then BF (that’s not why we broke up). I find that even though I’ve had some short depression periods since, it never blew up to the same extent.

Being financially inedpendent [sic] helped me be at peace with who I am, as well as allowed me to invest money into the things I like. Having a schedule and something to do every day didn’t allow me to slip into the old patterns of procrsatination and let me have a purpose for the day. I don’t love my job, I actually hate how boring it is, but I’m working on changing that.

Another important part in overcoming the depression and anxiety is awareness. Digging deeper for the cause of it all, linking it to my family and the way I raised, again, helped me to accept myself and understand that not everything is my own fault. It was a huge relief in allowing myself to exist and be happy sometimes.

#18. Starting over

Moving on. Moving to a new town, starting college, essentially cutting myself off of my previous life with anxiety. I know, not very practical, but it helped me to break away from the stigmas that came from acquaintances observing your anxiety.

#17. Realizing you can change

The realization that I could change my reality.

I was unhappy with my weight so I started walking… Then running.. And then I was thin.

That simple cognitive realization tore down all of my self limiting barriers and enabled me to grab life by the balls.

#16. Building relationships

You know how everyone says that to find a significant other, you must first learn to love yourself and be happy alone? When I was depressed, I felt so lonely. But someone started to like me. My confidence started to come back. Feeling loved felt like I was a real human being, worthy of love, and I started to believe it. It was the best thing that happened to me, a year later I didn’t feel depressed anymore. And after we broke up, for unrelated reasons, I still have the feeling that I’m not such a worthless person, someone did love me. I can do this.

#15. Live in the moment

I learned from watching kids and dogs. Feel your emotions in the moment, then let them go and don’t worry about it so you can enjoy the simple things.

#14. Meditation and therapy

Mindfulness meditation/Cognitive behavioral therapy. Realizing that you are still in control of what you consciously attend to, the thoughts and feelings that run through your mind do not have to consume your identity. Observe them without judgement, let them pass without indulging in them and they will fade away.

#13. Understanding and accessing your emotions

Coming to understand why I had become the way I had become, felt the way I felt.

My condition caused me to increasingly lock away my emotions over a decade. Made me robotic and excessively logical. Manifested what would eventually be diagnosed as chronic depression.

When, through the help of therapy and a particular theory of emotional development, I had come to understand what had lead me to become this way, my emotions came flooding out. Never did I cry so much before, and never was I so happy to do so.

It’s been a little 4 years since that fateful weekend, and I have much greater access to my emotions. There’s still a risk that I’ll slip back towards more robotic behavior, and “periods when I feel low and unmotivated” characteristic of chronic depression still occur, but they occur with much lesser intensity and frequency over time.

#12. “Don’t tell me what to do”

I just don’t like it when things try to force me to do something, and when I realized that my depression was just neurochemicals [sic] in my brain making me feel completely disengaged from everything and everyone I used to love and making me just want to sleep 24/7, I just told myself no more. Otherwise the chemicals win, and fuck that. More than I hated my life at that point, I hate it when I’m forced to be a certain way. Don’t tell me what to do.

#11. Release oxytocin

A nice release of oxytocin works wonders, especially when it comes in the form of a hug or kiss.

#10. Start your day off right

Get up and take a shower

Put on fresh and clean t shirt and pants

Do this everyday and don’t forget about it.

#9. Find financial stability

For me… Making good money and finishing my 3yr long job training. I was constantly stressed and not the outgoing type before, so of course that did not help. But once I finished my training and had some decent money to do things without counting what I spent, I was surprised how I said to myself “now you stop worrying all the time, and go have some fun”.

I’m still getting used to being around people, but I’m on a good track, I think.

#8. Run, Forrest, run

Running. Run like Forrest Gump himself, a few miles a day and my nerves are calmed, self-worth improved.

#7. Enjoy the fiber arts

Knitting and crocheting. The feeling of creating something nice and warm in this cold world. (Not ironic).

#6. Try something new

In my teenage years I fell back on music to get me through. Just knowing I wasn’t alone helped a ton with my depression. Now that I’m a lot older my thing is new experiences or just a change of scenery. I’ll take a trip somewhere a few hours away or go to a concert. Or if it’s an option I’ll get a new tattoo.

#5. Accomplish something, even if it’s small

Being busy, not spending too much time on Reddit. Eating right helps a ton too. If an unhealthy mind can cause an unhealthy body, then an unhealthy body will cause an unhealthy mind. Produce each day. By that I mean do something productive, even if it’s only doing a load of laundry.

#4. Get moving

I can’t believe I’m giving the answer I always hated hearing:

Exercise.

It doesn’t change the shittiness but it adds energy to your reserves to deal with the shittiness.

Also mindfulness/dialectical behavioral therapy helped a lot. It helped me change my “I want to die” thoughts to “This sucks” thoughts. Made a huge difference.

#3. Enjoy nature

Long walks through nature and working out in my room while watching hearthstone streams.

#2. CBD oil

My wife suffers very bad anxiety and depression. We live in Maryland and I was thinking about sending her on a trip to Colorado to try Cannabis oil. She has a backpack full of meds currently. We do not drink. I don’t think she has ever smoked pot. She hates the idea of smoking anything, or vaping for that matter. She is 30 and has been living with this for quite some time now but it does not seem to be getting any better. She hates taking so much medicine but if she does not it can get pretty bad. She mostly does it for our kids, if not for them she would probably stop taking them and deal with the craziness. We talked about this Cannabis oil for a while but the closest place is D.C and have to have medical waiver. I don’t really have the cash to send her out to Colorado but if it helps it would be worth it. Just to see if it helps.

#1. Crafting

Honestly? Crafting. I need something to do with my hands, so knitting/crocheting has been my lifesaver. Even if it’s just simple squares or a doily, making things has helped me tremendously. Bonus points for being able to donate to the local warming centres and humane societies with the stuff you make.

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Now Millennials Have Ruined Divorce, Too

People like to blame millennials for ruining everything. So…what have they ruined now? According to a recent study by Philip N. Cohen from the University of Maryland, they have ruined divorce.

Americans younger than 45 (an age group that technically includes the youngest Gen Xers) are taking a different approach to marriage. Rather than marrying young and divorcing like their parents, they are waiting to get married until they are older. This gives them an opportunity to get their careers and finances on track before tying the knot and starting a family.

With these changes, the divorce rate dropped by 18 percent from 2008 to 2016.

Photo Credit: Philip N. Cohen

Bloomberg presents a few possible theories as to why the divorce rate is falling. One possibility is that it’s actually due to our aging population. Older people are less likely to divorce. According to Cohen’s data, though, this isn’t the case. Even when he controlled for age, the divorce rate still showed an 8 percent drop.

Another theory is that the divorce rate is lower because fewer people are getting married. Although that’s true, Cohen compiled his numbers by looking at the number of divorces compared to the number of married women. Even looking at the divorce rate in this proportional way, the divorce rate still shows a decline.

Cohen’s data also shows that the decline in divorce is largely due to younger people. The Boomers have continued to have a high rate of divorce, even as they age. This trend has even spawned a new term: gray divorce.

Photo Credit: Philip N. Cohen

Overall, fewer people are choosing to marry. Those that do marry are statistically more likely to stay married. So millennials haven’t ruined divorce; they’re just less likely to need it because they are waiting to marry until they are financially and professionally secure.

But let’s go ahead and blame ’em anyway.

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People with Multiple Personality Disorder Tell What Their Lives Are Like Day-to-Day

While most of us have probably heard of dissociative personality disorder, also known as multiple personality disorder, many people still don’t know very much about it.

In this AskReddit article, people who live every day with dissociative personality disorder open up and reveal what it’s really like to live day-to-day with multiple personalities.

1. Not like TV

“I was diagnosed with DID a few years ago. I live in England.

For many, including myself, there are no alters, its not like on TV. All the “me’s” are me.

Imagine there is a me who hates bananas and a me who loves them. When my mind responds to stress, it might be banana lover me who is in control. ‘Control’ means heavy influence, not complete, cast iron domination. But the banana hating me is fucking miserable with the banana spree, so she screams in my ear so loudly, so incessantly, that I both love bananas, hate bananas and am just so fucking confused.

I do have episode of lost memory, and complete dissociation, but those episodes are rare. Perhaps two in a bad year. I might come to myself and realise I have bought £800 worth of bananas. I might find a bunch I don’t recall buying.

I have spent a loooot of time in the nuthouse. A lot. I have never met a fellow DID with alters. I have met many people with severe BPD who dozens of them.

I am NOT gatekeeping DID. I live in England, and am diagnosed privately & under the NHS. I don’t know the US criteria, nor the prevailing attitudes the psychs there have I strive to support every brother & sister of mine fighting their own mind. But, whereas I will tell anyone I meet about the rest of my mental health landscape, I tend to keep the DID diagnosis to myself because it is so deeply misunderstood. I have met others with this diagnosis who have the same problem.

If you have ever seen Deep Space 9, Jadzia Dax has very, very similar experienced to DID, but handles it beautifully. The episodes where she is replaced by Ezri show the bad side of it.

I am happy to answer questions, with love, but, DID is a bit different in life than it is on Tumblr.”

2. Formed out of trauma

“I’m one of those alters, made an account just for this. From the outside we don’t seem too different from anyone else. (Maybe a little eccentric, but that’s not really related to DID.) Basically we all work together to take care of the body and support the host. They also take care of us to a certain degree.

We were formed because of trauma.

When there’s situations that the host can’t handle, one of us steps in. Sometimes we use the body completely but more often we sort of drape a ‘film’ over the every day world, if that makes sense. Everything is experienced at a slight difference. It’s like wearing tinted glasses, the world is still the world but it’s coloured differently.

Anyway I’m the only one who’s ‘fronted’ as myself. I used to have my own friends separate from the host’s but we drifted away which kind of sucks. NGL it can get a little lonely, but it is what it is. Sometimes the host and I integrate to a certain extent. It’s disorienting to both of us. Not necessarily a bad thing though. I feel like we’re more balanced when we’re together but it’s also weird because then its more his life than mine, you know? If we could be reincarnated I’d want to be my own person. I think I’d form a rock band.

The host tends to be a little … lets people get away with a lot of stuff I guess. Lets people be mean or abusive towards him. I don’t. If I can get control I’m more likely to tell people to fuck off or just walk away from the situation. I can also handle anger a lot better than him — when he gets upset he self-injures, when I get upset I just sit with it and wait for it to go away.

We have different preferences for music and different writing style. I feel like I’m a little more motivated too. I’m more willing to sit and work away at something but the host’s like, something has to happen right away!

Other than me, there’s:

Isiah — chill guy, likes people and customer service so yeah he comes out sometimes when we have to get through long work days. Likes ice cream so sometimes after a bad day we walk to get some

Ichi — Isiah’s friend, kinda gloomy but a good guy.

?? — someone else, doesn’t come out much but it’s cool when she does. I think she’s younger than the rest of us, doesn’t talk much. When she’s out we sometimes look like a typical “crazy” person, like walking in circles and humming to ourselves and someone’s gotta watch the body to make sure we don’t wander off the subway tracks or something.

Recently, we’ve all been a little more integrated with one another. Not sure why. We tend to split more when there’s more stress.”

3. Like a teenage boy

“My friend’s dad has DID due to a history of child abuse, which was then heavily triggered, because he worked in journalism, often on child abuse stories, which just wore him down after a while. The person at the top of the thread that said, it’s all “me” and not like characters on a TV show is totally right. I love United States of Tara but it is nothing like that.

He is probably in his early 60’s, and I have only seen one alter personally. I didn’t even realize it was an alter. Apparently, when he gets stressed, he gets a little like a teenage boy super obsessed with comics, Star Wars, all that stuff. I found this out because we have a very long and in-depth conversation on Godzilla. I guess that is just a happy place for him, so that’s what happened.

Secondhand, I have heard from my friend that he does have an alter that basically does not want to be a husband or father. He joins dating sites, has lashed out violently at his adult children, and has no recollection of any of this. He genuinely is the sweetest person, so it was shocking for me to hear this, because my friend’s family is super close. It has just been something they learn to deal with, and from my understanding, this angry personality is not a common thing. He is much more likely to slip into teenage boy obsessing over nerd culture state.”

4. Lost time

“My alters are me. They don’t have names and they don’t “come out” very often. For example, only one has been “out” so far in 2018.

Between mid-February and late May I lost a lot of time. I can’t remember attending my sisters birthday, even though there are photos of me with her from that night. I can’t remember spending almost £400 on camping equipment on ebay (I don’t even like camping), and I can’t remember sending an e-mail to my University department head telling him I was dropping out. I’m a heavy smoker, but I would randomly find my cigarettes in the bin. I’m a nail biter, but I would suddenly realize that my nails were clipped and filed down. It’s just silly things like that. I hear them in my head, and I talk to them more often than they “come out”. Mostly, they comfort me when I’m in a bad place, but sometimes they’re very harsh with me. Cruel, occasionally. (edit: I’m aware I’m talking to myself when this happens, but lots of mes in different moods)

I don’t have a lot of friends and I’m not close to my parents, but my sister, brother-in-law and best friend of 20 years have met at least one of my alters. The general impression I got from them was that the change isn’t dramatic like you see on TV. For example, whichever alter my friend met maintains eye contact when speaking, which I can’t do. They also don’t swear, whereas I have a really bad habit of swearing in every second sentence. The most intimidating thing my friend told me was that the alter “looked different” somehow, like they wore facial expressions that she had never seen me display in the 20 years we’ve known one another. But no, they didn’t rush off to change clothes, they didn’t talk in a different accent and they didn’t do anything bad.

I resent saying this, but my experience of DID is very “boring” compared to most fictional portrayals. And I resent saying that because on bad days, I’m so miserable that I want to kill myself. Losing time, even if it doesn’t happen often, terrifies me and I spend a lot of time just waiting for it to happen again. Sometimes I just feel so empty inside that I just spend weeks lying in bed, thinking and feeling nothing. Sometimes I have no idea who I am, and I don’t actually think I’m real. But other times I’m alright, and I just get on with things. Therapy has really helped me.”

5. Detached

“Hi. I’m in the US, diagnosed and in treatment. Almost 40, female.

All of the dissociative parts of my personality are aware that we are one person. We perceive reality very differently, and feel differently about it, but accept that we’re parts of the whole. We know our legal name, the body age, etc. We feel detached from it in a variety of different ways, but we know it’s reality.

My everyday life consists of each of my parts trying to do the best they can, just like anybody else. We get up, we keep our body clean and healthy, we socialize and work, we have passions and interests, etc. We have to spend a lot of time working on inner alignment and resolving inner conflict and we spend a lot of time in therapy, reading, writing, self-analyzing, and other types of “doing the work”.

The biggest challenges we face are related to our trauma, and the other disorders it spawned. General anxiety and panic attacks, intense phobias, nightmares, flashbacks, etc. Relationships are really tough too.

I’ve also organized the sh*t out of our life. I’m a professional project manager and use the things I’ve learned on myself, regularly, to try and help us function as a team. Like I keep a lot of lists so that whoever comes out has a battle plan and knows what’s been done already.”

6. 8 different personalities

“I have 8 alters and then myself. Most of them are quiet and not around much (a couple not at all). The most prevalent are a 4 yo girl, a woman in her early 20’s and myself. It is very rare that I lose any time and I am most likely what would be called a gate keeper or main “personality.” I believe that the 4 yo is the original though.

My issues stem from childhood loss, one alter is a result of molestation and the teen alter is around because the 8 yo alter that was molested hid away. The young woman is the nurturer and caregiver of the home and children (she was a single mother of my oldest daughter). She married a man who was violent and tried to destroy who she was as a person mentally and nearly killed her so I took over. I carry all the memories of the violence in the marriage. Then there is another alter who is the protector but she isn’t around anymore because we don’t need her. There are others but their parts to play are minimal and rare.

I am in a position in my life right now where I don’t need them anymore. Some I am unsure if they even exist anymore or if they are just quiet. I don’t know where they are to be honest. The 4 yo comes and goes and shes a delight. I would love to merge the young woman and myself because I think our qualities compliment one another and would make me a more well rounded woman.”

7. “A whole bunch of us”

“I have DID and there are a whole bunch of us, but probably about four, including me, who handle most situations on the “outside.” The rest either mainly handle situations on the inside, they have more specialized skills, or they would just really rather stay inside. Honestly I couldn’t get through life without their help. We survived our childhood as a team and, while some people get us into some weird situations, we’re all just trying to heal. I know I couldn’t have survived what we went through alone.

I know for me, the other alters aren’t really my “problem.” My poor mental health is because of the flashbacks and other symptoms of trauma, and the other alters and I have to handle these effects together. If I had a magic wand, I personally wouldn’t want to heal the DID, despite the grief certain alters have given me, but I’d definitely want to heal our PTSD and other mental health issues.

I’m not going to use our real names on here on the incredibly off chance that someone recognizes us, but here’s a rundown of the main four fronters:
Alter #1 (me): Host. I do school, work, and family stuff. I don’t really know how to describe myself but I usually do well in school, though I’ve been struggling lately. I’m pretty patient and I’m a good listener, which helps with friendships. I’m nerdy so I like to stay in and do stuff in small groups or with one other person.

Alter #2: Protector. She’s very stoic, reserved, and formal. She is a lot faster, stronger, and wittier than I am. She comes out when we feel physically and sometimes emotionally threatened. She handled a lot of physical abuse and mental games. She enjoys hiking, sports, and leather jackets and is actually a lot like Rosa from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Alter #3: Internal Self-Helper. She’s very submissive and shy, but she’s coming out of her shell. She soothes alters on the inside if they’re upset and she helps us regulate flashbacks or other intense emotion. She handled a lot of the emotional manipulation (ex. women’s roles, “I love you… just kidding,” “God wants you to do X,” etc.) and sexual abuse from our primary abuser. She likes knitting, cooking, cat videos, that kind of thing but she absolutely HATES germs.

Alter #4: Protector. She’s very outspoken and flirty. She used to drink, party, get us into trouble, etc. but she’s incredibly helpful and friendly now, and will sometimes take over for me if I need a break with school. We were forced to provide “adult entertainment” in our childhood as part of our cycle of abuse. She’s the one who experienced most of that. She’s interested in fashion, being outdoors, and board games with friends.”

8. I was never one person…

“So when most people think of DID, they think that there is one original identity that splits into parts due to trauma, but that’s not actually how it works.

DID is caused by trauma during very early childhood, during the time when children are actually going through a stage of development when something called “identity integration” is naturally happening. During this stage of development, children naturally develop one cohesive sense of self, where they can naturally shift from one identity state to another seamlessly, and with a flowing, natural autobiographical memory. For example, they might behave differently at school than they do at home, or with their friends, or with their grandmother, but they are still the same child in all those situations, and they maintain their sense of self and their memories during all those situations.

A child exposed to severe trauma and repeated dissociation does not experience identity integration. Their identity forms in pieces. I was never one person. I have always been many pieces.”

9. The demon

“I suffer from BPD. Borderline personality disorder. But, the idea of me having DID has been tossed around.

Mostly, I do things and then later can’t believe I have done them. I will have faint memories but they feel more like dreams. I will say things to others and barely remember even talking with them at all. It is like someone else had control of me during that episode. I don’t hear voices (at least I don’t think I do. I have intuition, of course but, I don’t have more than that one voice helping me make decisions each day)

With my meds, I am pretty good. Keeps episodes down to a very minimum (once a year or less). But, I have to rotate between a few different concoctions due to tolerances.

Prior to my wife convincing me to get help, I would have moments of full black out anger. Thankfully, I only ever directed this at myself and inanimate objects. (I would hit myself and break things). And, strangely, my wife could eventually pull me out of it and I would come back not really realizing what I had done or said. (She actually can’t watch the scene where Black Widow calms down the Hulk. She said it just brings up too many traumatic memories)

I also have a mountain of other diagnosed issues. MDD. Bi-Polar. ADHD. I stutter badly…. Pretty much, my brain chemistry is fucked.

When I am the regular me, I am nice and kind and fun to be around. But, when the demon comes, it isn’t good. I thank my wife daily for dealing with me for so long. She just says I am lucky I am cute otherwise she would have kicked me to the curb. She’s a strong woman and a wonderful mother. She took care of 2 kids and me.

Mental Illness is no joke. I sure wish it would stop getting treated like it is.”

10. Protecting and surviving

“Well we are a system for someone who has DID. The central person is purely internal, they never face outwardly. Facing is up to the rest of us. There are 4 main people, 2 secondary (think highly specialized) and then the “core” which is actually 2 people. So 8 on total.

Right now we’re working on integration. The workhorse of our group is finally feeling emotion and it’s been really overwhelming and painful. Imagine having absolutely no emotional experiences for 30 years and then one day you feel a twinge of frustrating and the next day you’re so full of rage you want to break anything you can get your hands on…. It’s been hard, but we have good support. We support each other, and we have really amazing people in of life, and an especially good therapist.

I don’t think most people would ever be able to tell we’re a system identity. The whole point of DID is protecting and surviving, and being at all off inhibits that. So we have struggles, but most people are none the wiser that they are talking to a completely different identity; they just chalk it up to me being a little forgetful now and then.”

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10+ People Who Never Had Kids Reveal Why They Stand By Their Decision

To have kids or not to have kids…that is the question. And when it comes to debating this issue, people get pretty heated.

If you have chosen NOT to have kids, you’re bound to get endless questions from people about your decision. These AskReddit users explain why they stand by the decision not to have children.

1. Words of wisdom

“A therapist once said to me the test of whether you are ready for a relationship is – Can you keep a plant alive? Great. Now you are ready for a pet. Can you keep a pet alive and happy? Great. Now you are ready to branch out into a relationship.

I have no idea what the test is for having children but somehow like you, I think I might not be ready yet!”

2. That’s what siblings are for

“I was constantly taking care of my older siblings kids when I was 15-16, decided then and there that I didn’t want kids. I don’t regret it.”

3. No regrets

“Mid-fifties here too, married almost 28 years – never regretted not having kids. Not even a little bit. I don’t have the patience, knew I was not meant to be a parent, and yes, obviously you discuss that (and everything else) before you marry.

I’d do it all over again, exactly the same way.”

4. Harsh

“I have had co-workers look at me as if I grew an extra head with horns when I revealed I had no kids and was not planning on having any. They were the worst. Shaking their head in pity, whispering behind my back, patting me on the head while saying “you’ll change your mind.” I have had people tell me I was evil for not wanting kids, that I would burn in hell.

It got so bad, so persistent at about 30yo, I started telling people I was infertile…

BTW, for those of you in their 20s – you will be harassed until about 40…..

Yet, my family accepted it 100%.

There was one point at 35, we wishy washy tried to get pregnant. All I did was go off the pill. We also went to genetic counseling. When we found out there was a 50% chance of a babe being learning disabled like dyslexia (both of us had LD) and a 25% chance of the babe being disabled in other ways like CP or developmental disorders because of a quirky piece of my DNA, I went back on the pill.

Before you all start yelling at me, my CAREER is working with people with disabilities. In theory, I would have been an AWESOME mom of a child with a disability because I knew about IEPs, therapists, interventions, etc. But I knew in my heart, I could not get pregnant knowing I may produce a child that may suffer through what my hubby and I had gone through.”

5. The promise

“I figured that out by 15 when my first nephew was born. I made a promise to myself that I was going to avoid that life no matter what it took.”

6. Oh hell no!

“I’m 51, wife is 53, been married 24 years.

Knew from and early age that kids weren’t for me, saw the struggles of raising one and said “Oh hell no !” to that. Had plenty of others trying to tell me different along the way.”

7. Not gonna happen

“Being the oldest girl from a family that multiplied like rabbits made me the automatic babysitter. I think that’s where my resentment for kids comes from. I love my cousins and will love the siblings to come, but I don’t ever want to care for another kid unless it’s an absolute last resort.”

8. Advice from a parent

“As a parent, I completely respect this outlook and opinion. I actually advocate this. I love when people who don’t want to have kids recognize it for what it is and refuse to let other people pressure them into the “societal norm.” We are at a point in the world where people are perfectly capable of having children later in life. It’s completely normal for women in their 30’s to get pregnant naturally and it’s not unheard of for women in their 40’s to do it either.

And, as long as both people are healthy, it’s perfectly possible to get pregnant with help if you struggle to do so naturally. That being said, there is no rush for people to decide if they want to be parents or not. If you hit 35 and still have no desire to have children, it is extremely unlikely you will ever change your mind. I’d rather have fewer children in the world than more parents who don’t want and/or don’t love the children they brought into the world. So I applaud your honesty with yourself and the world. Good on you!”

9. Can’t change my mind

“This gives me hope. I’ve never wanted children and it seems the men that I date try and change my mind and obviously they can’t. I’m coming towards the end of a relationship that will end because… you guessed it, he wants them and I don’t.

I’m losing hope that I’ll ever find a suitable partner that doesn’t want children but I love hearing things like this because they make me feel just a little better 🙂 Thank you.”

10. Good idea

“I can’t even keep house plants alive. This is best for everyone, including me.”

11. Best decision

“I am 42, never wanted kids and I knew this even at age 12.

I got a lot of random cliches given to me throughout the years, stuff like “you are still young” or “you haven’t found the right girl yet” and the classic “Its different when they are yours” lol that last one always cracked me up.

Fast forward to today, its still the best decision I have ever made, I am happily married, I get to travel, have fun, take up multiple hobbies, enjoy plenty of time for anything I damn well please.

Don’t get me wrong, kids are great and I don’t hate them, I am a proud uncle and godfather. But its just not for me or my wife and that’s how we like it!

Life is good because we are happy and not having kids is a huge part of that happiness.”

12. Not maternal

“I knew even as a teenager that I didn’t want children. I feel like I was born missing that “maternal” gene (except when it comes to animals lol). I too heard it all, “you’ll change your mind” “you’re still young” etc etc. As a woman it can be very hard because a lot of other women (especially in the workplace, I’ve found) will judge and belittle you for not having children. I’m 43 now so hopefully those comments will come to a close soon.”

13. Not for me…

“Love animals, find kids to be weird and gross and not for me. I’m a bit younger (34) and I’m getting the “Tick, tock” comments from people.

I’m an interesting person, my sole reason for being isn’t to pop out a kid. This isn’t the middle ages. There’s several billion women on the planet willing to step up and have plenty of kids. It’s fine if I don’t.”

14. Please leave me alone

“I’ve always known I will never be a parent. My husband and I are totally aligned in this, and live a great life, just the two of us. As a woman, I’ve had to deal with more than two decades of constant condescending “oh dear, you’ll change your mind one day!” Thankfully, at 46, they finally leave me alone.”

15. On our own terms

“My wife and I are 40 and selfishness is the primary reason we don’t have kids. We get to live the life we want on our own terms. A few weeks ago I said “wanna take a road trip to a place that’s 8 hours away this weekend?” We did and it was amazing. No planning needed, just gassed up the car, packed up the dogs and went.”

The post 10+ People Who Never Had Kids Reveal Why They Stand By Their Decision appeared first on UberFacts.

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15 People Share What Happened After They Caught Their Spouses Cheating

You might think we live in a romantic world, but the numbers don’t lie. A staggering amount of people cheat on their significant others.

In this AskReddit article, people who got cheated on share their horror stories about what went down.

1. That one stings

“Had a really close group of friends who would always prank each other. One of my mates found out the Facebook password of another, so while on Skype the whole call – included myself, logged into his Facebook account (being 7 people) to make a stupid status. At the same time my partner of 5 years was messaging him on Facebook about how good sex was last night and about meeting up again.”

2. Sketchy

“Me and my girlfriend were long distance and she had a habit of going quiet sometimes. She’d been texting me for the last few weeks but had made excuses not to come visit.

I went to a party that my friend had organised. I met a friend of his who told me he had a new girlfriend. I was surprised he hadn’t mentioned her, so I asked who she was. This lady introduced me to my girlfriend. She’d told everyone that we broke up, and had been dating my friend for about a month. She didn’t bother to tell me.”

3. Surprise!

“Walked in on my girlfriend while she was having sex with another guy. “What are you doing here?!” she says. “You gave me a key, remember? I ended up not working today and wanted to surprise you.”

15 years later she reaches out, leaves me a message that she’d like to talk. I figure she’s doing some 12-step thing or something and wants to make amends.

Nope. She wanted to try and sell me on Amway.”

4. Caught in the act

“Came home early. They were fast enough to get dressed but not in a natural state of being, if that makes sense. It was obvious something was just going down. Very cliched “got walked in on and tried to play it cool” like you see in tv. I asked him to leave and he did.

We argued, she tried to lie but soon confessed. It wasn’t the first time she cheated but it was the first time that I caught her in the act. Everything in the past was just texts and stuff. She said that she never slept with the other people and it was just pics and flirting. In retrospect, that may not be BS.

We divorced, both remarried. Not friends by any stretch, but civil.”

5. Bad homecoming

“Mt St Augustine erupted in Alaska in 1986. They had to evacuate all planes out of Elmendorf AFB due to ash in the air. This sent my unit home from Korea 3 days early. I got home at 2 AM and there was a guy sleeping next to my wife in our bed.”

6. Nice guys finish last

“Not me but a medical resident who I met on rotation recently. One of the nicest guy I ever met, super intelligent and hardworking, and training to be a trauma surgeon by humble as they come. He had been married for 2 years to his wife. One night he gets off a 30 hour call early and heads home to surprise his wife with some flowers and her favorite dessert (it was the anniversary of the day they first met). Only to find her in bed with a random dude.

He was so exhausted and confused, he didn’t know what to do and just left and went back to the hospital. I saw him at 5AM, sitting in the parking lot, hunched over crying. He didn’t even have his phone with him, he was just sitting there. Man, nothing breaks your heart more than seeing a grown man cry, it’s not something you see often. We called his dad up and he came and picked him up, the guy ended up taking a leave from his residency. Turns out, it wasn’t the wife’s first time sleeping around. Hope he gets back on his feet, he will make an amazing physician.”

7. Hurts like hell

“Long story short, I suspected something for a few months. Like an idiot, I opened her phone while she was asleep and found exactly what I was looking for, like you always do when searching through someone else’s phone. Even with all of the texts right there to see she still lied about it multiple times. She eventually admitted to it but downplayed it heavily.

She told me about two nights ago that he asked her out on a date and she said “I had to say no” and was visibly sad about it.

In the process of getting a divorce now. Hurts like hell.”

8. “Jennifer”

“College girlfriend and we lived together for a year after I realized she would always have her phone on silent or just plain ignore calls from “Jennifer.” One day I write down the number and call it a week later. It ends up being her other boyfriend who she had never broken up with before she came to college. Neither of us knew about each other and she had being visiting him when she went home to see her parents on some weekends and breaks. Broke up soon after and her mom said that sometimes you just have to accept things and how I owed her an apology for breaking up with her. It gets worse but that was the gist.”

9. Brother ‘fessed up

“Dating this girl a few years back and I became really good friends with her brother just because he appreciated my help during a difficult time for their family (their father had abruptly passed away).

2 years into the relationship the brother contacts me and asks to meet up for coffee and a serious conversation.

Apparently HE caught his own sister with another guy (mutual friend of ours) and this sh*t had been going on for like a year.

As soon as he found out, I was told.

Broke up with her. Still friends with her brother. Go figure.”

10. Dread

“Things had been a little shaky as I was working a lot and felt sapped when she wanted to go be social with friends so I often stayed home.

I wanted to do something nice for her for Valentines day so I sent her friend a text asking if there was something that she may have mentioned she would like to do. As I was waiting on that text I was in another room I saw her phone buzz with her friend’s name. The number was below the name and since I had just sent her a text I knew they didn’t match.

There are very few times my blood has been that cold and feelings of dread.

I called the number with my phone and it rang and rang before going to voicemail. Needless to say it was the other guy.

I confronted her about it and she said she was waiting to leave and had a bag packed in case I found out. She had no intentions of trying to work things out so a month later she had moved out.

I made a decision then that I could be broken up and miserable or that I could choose to be happy and be open to a relationship if it was available. I’ve since remarried and have two beautiful boys with my amazing wife.

Regardless of the sh*ttiness and horror in these stories there is always the opportunity to be happy. If you’re reading this thread because it happened to you or just from morbid curiosity : choose to be happy. Be the person that you can be proud of and move on to better things.”

11. Ruined vacation

“On family vacation, I picked up his phone because I was bored and the kids were playing on mine. Saw a message to some girl describing the sex he and I had the night before. Spent the rest of the vacation fighting via text while trying (and failing) to act normal.”

12. That’s not good

“Her phone went off and she asked me what it said. I looked at it and it said, “I wanna bend you over and spank you.” “

13. Over and done with

“Found my wife’s notebook. Written on the first page was a 10-step plan detailing how she was going to leave me for another guy.

I turned it into one step.”

14. Shit happens

“Woke up to her on her phone with hearts scrolling in Facebook Messenger.

We were married 7 years at that point. 2 kids.

It was my birthday.

Edit: I won’t feign total innocence: marriage is hard. I was working and in school full time so she could be a stay at home mom, which was our goal. She realized she wanted something else and moved on. Shit happens. Roll with the punches.”

15. That’s a lot of messages

“Caught my now ex husband. Something was way off, I was 6 months pregnant with our second child and my best friend at the time was also off. Picked up his phone at 2AM when it went off and found a secret password locked messenger (GO messenger?) Password was his birthday, real winner. I found over 7k messages along with photos, some insinuating I was present with either one of them while they were messaging.

I was upset and woke him up- he locked himself in the bathroom and pulled the attempted suicide card. There’s another year of trying to work it out shenanigans after this incident but I’m so glad that chapter in my life it over.”

The post 15 People Share What Happened After They Caught Their Spouses Cheating appeared first on UberFacts.

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10 Women Share Their Creepiest Encounters with “Nice Guys”

For having the name “Mr. Nice Guy,” the guys in this article don’t really live up to their title.

In fact, they’re pretty shady dudes who put on a nice front in order to get things from people. We all know guys like the ones the AskReddit users are talking about here.

1. Creeper

“When I was in college, there was this guy that hung around my friend group. No one actually knew which one of us brought him in, so maybe he just decided to crash, who knows. But he was creepy. He hit on ALL the girls in the group aggressively and whine DAILY about how we should just give him a chance to show us “how a lady should be treated”. We usually just rolled our eyes, although a few of the guys took him aside on separate occasions and told him to knock it off.

He also went way over the top in a lot of ways. He’d bring the girls flowers or memorize their favorite candy/soda/snacks and present them as a “token of his great affection” (yep, he called it that). He had a bad habit of insisting, like legit would not take no for an answer, on walking the women wherever we needed to go. Myself and my best friend at the time both told him his behavior was creepy.

There were three women in the “core” group, and five others who were close enough that they’d show up at LAN parties or whatever we were doing. He asked every single one of us out at least 50 times. Every single time we said no, he’d go off on this awful tirade about how women didn’t want nice guys, and how we should just be open to the possibility of him being “the love of our lives”. It did not matter how many times we told him we were not interested, not attracted, or IN RELATIONSHIPS.

Sophomore year, a new girl joined the group. For whatever reason, she liked our Nice Guy. A lot. Weird. But he wasn’t in to her at all. A few of us started using his own BS rhetoric against him when he began whining about her not leaving him alone. It was pretty gross.”

2. Swooped in

“Anyhow, nothing ever happened and I got a boyfriend until I was 23 at which time we broke up.

This is when Mr nice guy swooped in showing up at my house with flowers and gifts unannounced. I never gave him my address….he asked MY MOM. Then he would notice I posted I had a cold on Facebook and would show up with cold medicine and soup. Which would be nice if I had ANY interest in him but I didn’t. He would look where I checked into on FB and COINCIDENTALLY just be there. I felt bad being like “dude STOP” because my mom invited him to every family function and I didn’t want to make things weird.

It hit the pinnacle when he got a job where I worked just to be closer to me and he told everyone we were dating. Spoiler alert- we were definitely NOT. I flipped out on him and told him he was creepy and that after all these years he never took the hint after me never answering his calls/texts or taking him up on his relentless attempts to take me out to dinner. I quit my job and moved, blocked him on everything and had a firm conversation with my mom about keeping him away from me. She was upset and made excuses for him but ultimately obliged.

Years later I’m now married with a baby and he still relentlessly pursues me if he sees me in public.”

3. Dodged a bullet

“I was friends with a coworker. We had hung out a few times socially after work and got along well but it never really occurred to me to wonder if he was interested in me. At that point in my life I did not get a lot of male attention, and honestly was pretty cringey myself, but that’s for a different thread.

Anyway we were walking side by side and I guess he went to put his arm around me. It surprised me (like that ‘someone is tapping you on the opposite shoulder’ trick) and I turned abruptly. He took it as incredibly rude, gave me an angry lecture about leading people on and how disgusting you make someone feel when you literally flinch from their touch, and called me a b*tch. Uh… sorry for my reflexes?

About a week later another friend came to me at work to let me know that guy was telling everyone I was a whore who was sleeping my way through the department. Nice!

The dumbest part was that I probably would have gone on a date with him if he’d asked–I just had no idea he was thinking along those lines. Bullet dodged!”

4. Creepy client

“I have a client who hits on me. He knows I am married because he mentions it. He also lashes out verbally if I say things he doesn’t like, which is truly scary. He is 55+, never moved out of his parent’s house, and spends his mom’s money for everything. She is in her 80’s and works two jobs to pay for his toys. One day, she came in with him to see if there was anything we could do to get his bills lower since she is struggling, and he started lashing out at her. “Shut the F*ck up. SHE ISN’T TALKING TO YOU!” and “YOU’RE STUPID!! SHUT UP!” I felt honestly worried for his mom.

Anyway, he would purposely let his insurance lapse so he would have an excuse to come in and sign a form so he could talk to me. He was very blatant about it as well. He always threw his mom under the bus for not “paying his bills” but then would talk about how he bought this or that and then would say “I know I should’ve paid that insurance, but I couldn’t pass up a chance to come say hi to you.”

One time, he said he couldn’t come in until Saturday to sign the form and asked if I could make arrangements to be there on the weekend instead. I told him we were closed. My coworker, and elderly man of 60+ said he would be here if I had the forms ready. The guy got angry and said he wanted me to be here on Saturday, alone, and that I should cancel my plans and be here no matter what. My mind got stuck on the “alone” part and I told him I couldn’t do it but that I would be back on Monday (with a full staff, just in case).

One day, he called to use his mom’s credit card to pay his bill. I didn’t answer the phone right away because I had another client with me. He keeps calling over and over and over again. Finally, after the client left, I picked up the phone and he started yelling at me. I asked him why he was so upset and he said “I COULDN’T GET YOU ON THE PHONE TO PAY MY BILL SO I USED THE MONEY TO BUY BASEBALL CARDS!!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! NOW I CANNOT PAY MY INSURANCE! THIS! IS! YOUR! FAULT!!” then slammed the phone down on me.

Just this past month, his vehicle broke down, so he had to go buy another one. His mom went with him. He had insufficient credit, so his mom had to buy it under her name. I told them I could not add the vehicle to the policy since the vehicle was not titled to him. We would have to cancel the policy and she would need to put it on her insurance plan, which was with a different agency.

Finally! I was free!

Until he came in last week to sign the cancellation form, a document that is time-stamped. When he arrived and I didn’t have the form already printed out, he went off on me right there. ‘YOU SHOULD’VE HAD THIS FORM READY!” and claimed I was being incompetent. I told him it was a time-stamped form and that the document is not generated until the client is sitting in front of me and ready to cancel because it has to be signed that moment. He signed the form and stomped off. I felt relief that I wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore until he came back in the door and said “Btw, let me know when you break it off with your husband! I might have to come back and get insurance from you again.”

I let me husband know everything, just in case.”

5. Not a good approach

“He wanted to impress upon me what a good guy he was, and he was also too scared to ask me out like a normal person. He killed two birds with one stone by having his “split personality” tell me it really wanted to kill me, but Nice Guy was bravely holding it back because he liked me so much. Obviously I fell head over heels immediately. Not.”

6. A story from a guy

“I worked with a gay guy for a 5 month period. I was only at the job temporarily and he was nice and wasn’t weird at first. I am sure he was interested because he kept commenting on my body, like if I would scratch my arm he would mention that I was ‘showing my arm and flexing.’

I made it known I wasn’t gay at all and he didn’t take my declines nicely.

I eventually moved back home as the temp job was over with. I had to make up a lie about getting rid of my phone and deleting my social media to focus on my life. Blocked him on social media but this was before you could just easily block someone’s number. He would text me randomly even though I told him I ‘got rid’ of my phone. Really gave me chills even having to remember something from years ago.”

7. Sounds like a psycho

” “Nice Guy” who worked down in HR. (Was completely incompetent too but that’s another story.)

Anyway, he’d come up with excuses to come see all the single women in the building. He’d stand too close to you. Sometimes he’d stand in your doorway and just stare for a while without saying anything. Always very creepy when you’d look up and there’d he’d be.

He liked to ask incredibly personal and invasive questions. He’d complain to anyone who listened about how women just didn’t want a “nice guy” like him. He faked being into several different religions trying to pick up a “good girl” because he didn’t want a smoker or drinker (despite being both those things himself) and wanted a virgin who wasn’t a “fatty” because he was a “man not a whale” (he was tubby himself.)

He also believed that if he met up with a group that had women in it, those women were dating him. And he’d get very mad if said women paid more attention to another man in the group than him, sometimes just get up and leave.

One Friday a group of workers were going out for drinks after work. He invited himself along, so one of the women in the group said, “See you there!” He decided this meant they were dating. Then when she didn’t pay attention to him much during the night and talked more to her new, male coworker – he just got mad and left without a word.

Nobody knew what happened to make him leave. Until the rumor mill started up because he told everyone that his female coworker had “cucked” him (his fancy word for cuckolding) that night.”

8. The dangers of online gaming

“In college, I played a lot of online video games. I posted on forums related to these games often. One guy, we’ll call him Bob, decided to show me how careless I’d been with my personal information. This lead to a phone call, on a number I never provided, during which he told me what dorm I lived in, at what campus, as well as information from public records regarding my family. On this call he told me how easy it would be for him to get there. This was quite frightening, and when I put him on blast publicly for it, he stated he was “trying to show me how careless I’d been” and prove a point so I would be more careful and how he was just trying to protect me.

Years later, I went to a group meet-up with a bunch of people from this forum with a guest I knew already, and he called me, on the same number (should’ve changed it) to ask me to wait for him outside, because he knew what I looked like. My guest and I met up with everyone and pretty quickly left.”

9. The waiter

“A waiter at a restaurant left his number on my bill and asked me on a date. I was single and agreed because we had mutual friends who vouched for him and he seemed nice.
Night of the date, he shows up to my house absurdly overdressed (there was a vest involved) with a single rose that he presented to me. He took me to a basketball game, and the second I sat down the stranger to my left just says “Oh, you must be L! We’ve heard so much about you.” Turns out the two people sitting to my left were not strangers but in fact HIS MOTHER AND FATHER. We then go to dinner, he turns white as a ghost and excuses himself to the restroom for maybe 30 minutes. At this point I start to worry and get the check. He then comes back looking incredibly unwell and I say, clearly you’re ill, don’t worry about taking me home — I’ll grab a cab. He wasn’t having it and insisted on taking me home because he had another “surprise” planned for me. There’s a road that has famous views where I live, and he took the road to one of the lookout points, parked the car, and turned on Cheek to Cheek by Frank Sinatra. He got out and asked me to dance with him, and I said we should just look at the view. Then he proceeded to vomit absolutely everywhere. I shrieked and jumped back into the car to avoid him vomiting all over me. He takes me home and then calls me an hour later to tell me it was the best night of his life.

I tried to tell him I wasn’t interested but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He claimed I would never find anyone who treated women like queens the way he did, said I would never find anyone more chivalrous, and dropped off a letter at my home in the middle of the night that contained the most horrible things anyone has ever said to me. He also had a major affinity for three-piece suits and porkpie hats. Fun times.”

10. Sounds stable

“A guy tried to take my phone and use it to text my then-boyfriend that we were over. When confronted, nice guy said my boyfriend didn’t treat me right, or else we wouldn’t be doing long distance this was during college, and he was 1.5 hours away by train.

When I obviously got mad, he called me a b*tch, a whore, and an idiot for not realizing what I had in front of me. Cue 3 days of emo/angsty facebook statuses with me tagged in them. I block him. He cries about why we aren’t friends anymore, I ask him to give me some time and we can try again. 1.5 days later, dick pic. When I didn’t respond to that, he sent me a long, handwritten letter about how perfect my body and how he would treat me like a princess, especially in bed.”

The post 10 Women Share Their Creepiest Encounters with “Nice Guys” appeared first on UberFacts.