Expert Reveals 9 Rules for a Happy Marriage

Marriage is the ultimate commitment, and while there’s certainly a lot of romance to it, it’s also important to understand that it’s also work. Happily ever after is great for movies, but in real life, there are going to be plenty of moments where it takes work.

Marriage isn’t always easy or fun. Yet, if you are with the right person, someone you love and who loves you, it is always worth fighting for. If only couples could be given some kind of marriage playbook.

For that, we can look to Carrie Cole, Master Trainer and director of Seattle’s Gottman Institute. Cole has made a career of researching the traits that make a long, happy marriage.  Studying thousands of couples, she has come up with these 9 rules for a successful marriage.

1. Stay engaged during an argument.

Couples together for the long haul avoid shutting down or giving silent treatments during arguments. They take breaks to calm down and then explain what is so upsetting.

Photo Credit: Flickr

2. Work through every crisis.

A crisis doesn’t have to end a marriage. Working through a problem means expressing feelings in a healthy way and validating each other.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

3. Learn from conflict.

Conflict in marriage is unavoidable. But happy couples use conflict to grow closer together by listening to and validating each other.

Photo Credit: Pxhere

4. Be grateful for what you have.

Even when money or time is scarce, happy couples make the most of what they do have and learn to appreciate the little things.

Photo Credit: Stock-free.org

5. Stay positive.

No matter the circumstances, believe your partner has only your best interests at heart.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

6. Be a support system for each other.

Happy couples talk through their stress and problems. They listen to each other with judgement or comment.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

7. Accept each others’ differences.

Differences make us who we are.

Photo Credit: Maxpixel

8. Don’t accuse.

Accusing your partner shows contempt and sets up future conflict. Remain positive and express your needs directly with statements like, “I need you to be fully honest with me,” instead of, “You are lying.”

Photo Credit: Pixabay

9. Don’t criticize.

Attacking your partner constantly is unnecessary and creates strife. Gently pointing out when your partner is acting in an  inconsiderate way works better.

Photo Credit: goodfreephotos.com

The most important takeaway from Cole’s list is that couples should make their marriage a priority. Taking steps to make each other feel loved and appreciated is key to a long and happy partnership.

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15 Little Things You Can Do to Appear More Attractive

The older I get, the less I care about what people think of me, especially whether or not they find me attractive. I’m not really someone who thinks too hard about my appearance, and besides, the people who love me do so for reasons other than what I look like.

However, I must admit there are still times when looking attractive (or at least presentable) is required or desired. And if I were single, I would be more invested in my appearance, for sure. If that’s your current sitch, then you might be interested in what these 13+ people have to say!

#1. Magically transformed

“Be kind and joyful.

Be engaging.

Be funny.

I once saw a documentary and one of the women was objectively very unattractive, just a weird looking face, no makeup, almost looked like an alien. But she was so lively and fun, and full of enthusiasm and good humor that by the end of it she had magically transformed into an attractive person before my eyes.”

#2. A list of tips

“Be clean and well kept. Here are some of my best tips:

Cleanliness:

Shower daily, use good quality soap that isn’t overly scented
Wash and condition your hair every few days if not daily (depends on your hair)
Wear deodorant
Wear clothes that are clean and fit well
Looking healthy:

Drink plenty of water, it will make you look and feel more awake and can help clear up your skin
Eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, this will also contribute to glowing skin and can also help you shed excess weight
Get plenty of sleep. Not getting enough sleep contributes to weight gain, dull and/or blemished skin, under-eye circles, and an all around “tired” look
Grooming:

Keep your eyebrows maintained – if you don’t get them waxed, be sure to pluck stray hairs, especially between your brows. You can also spritz an old toothbrush with hair spray and brush your eyebrows, which keeps them in place and neat throughout the day
MOISTURIZE! This is especially important in the dry winter months. Invest in a good moisturizer for your body and another for your face. You don’t have to spend a ton of money, they have good moisturizers at drugstores and supermarkets
Keep your hair neat and brushed, styled with a little product if necessary. If you dye your hair, don’t let your roots grow out too long
Keep your nails clean and trimmed/filed/manicured. If you wear nail polish, either touch it up or take it off when it starts chipping. If your nails are long, be sure to clean underneath them regularly
Find a perfume or cologne that you like, that isn’t too overpowering, and that mixes well with your body. Wear it regularly
KEEP YOUR TEETH AS NICE AS YOU CAN. Teeth are a HUGE factor in attractiveness. If your teeth are crooked, you can’t change that (at least not immediately), but you can floss daily, brush twice a day, and wear your retainer/mouth guard if you have one. Take the best possible care of your teeth that you can
Style:

Dress appropriately for your job; this differs depending on the job, obviously
Wear a few classic pieces of jewelry. A watch, nice bracelet, rings, etc. Jewelry is fine, but don’t go too over the top with cheap, gaudy jewelry
Invest in a few pairs of nice shoes. Again, what type of shoes you invest in depends on your job and lifestyle.”

#3. Memory

“Remember the persons name and use it when appropriate. Not being able to remember my name 5 minutes after meeting me is a huge turn off.”

#4. Kind of my specialty

“Stripper here, I’m a bit late to this party but this is kinda my specialty so figured I’d contribute. People think good looks are all luck or genetics or whatever, nope. They’re attainable by almost anyone imho.

Hygiene is #1. You could be a perfect 10, but smell bad or have bad breath and that drops you instantly to about a 3. Shower everyday. Listen to the dentist, brush and floss everyday.
Have a bit of a tan. It makes you look about 5-10 pounds slimmer instantly. You dont need to lay In the sun to do this either – I use Jergens Natural glow moisturiser which is like $8.59 at Target and won’t give you skin cancer.
Whiten your teeth. You don’t need expensive procedures or veneers to do this. Crest Whitestrips work just fine. They’re about $50, for a week long treatment that lasts a year.
If you are a lady, having long hair makes you look much slimmer and more attractive. Straightening it is a bonus. Just be careful with heat treatments – if you straighten every day like I do, use a product to protect from heat. Anything by Redken is great.
Learn the art of makeup, ladies. Guys say they appreciate “natural beauty” but their idea of this is so rare it almost doesnt exist. You want to be wearing makeup but have it look like you aren’t. Learn contouring and a subtle cat eye, for example. Done right, this will up your “score” by a good 2 pts. My SO (we are very honest w each other) knows all my makeup routines; he says I’m a 7 without makeup and a 9 with, and he isn’t wrong.
Wear clothes that fit. If you’re a medium buy a medium rather than trying to squeeze into a small.”

#5. Clean and confident

“Hydrate your skin and take care of your hair.
Smell good.
Take care of your teeth.
Wear clean clothes that make you feel confident.

But most importantly: smile and make eye contact (not staring!) with people.”

#6. Posture, posture, posture

“I had success with a mixture of:

rolling out my thoratic spine (helps with slouch)
barbell rows (pulls shoulders back. ideally you’d work out your full body)
core work (straightens hips)
think about being pulled up by strings like a puppet to straighten up. eventually it becomes natural to do if you practice it enough.”

#7. Clean and trimmed

“Keep your fingernails clean and trimmed. No one cares if you look like Idris Elba or Olivia Wilde if your nails look like you pick your ass with them.”

#8. Strengths and weaknesses

“Lean on your strengths, forget about your weaknesses.

Figure out what your best feature is and make that as noticeable as possible. If you have great hair/eyes/butt/whatever, draw as much attention as you can to it.

The idea behind this goes like this – people generally only notice/remember one or two things about about a person. If you can impress on them that you have really strong shoulders or really great tits that’s generally all they’ll remember. “Karen?… Oh right, the girl with that beautiful long curly red hair! She’s pretty.” But if Karen is a little overweight or has an ugly voice, they will be less likely to remember that than if she has a good feature that she can make stand out.

As well, you can’t have awesome/perfect everything. So rather than trying to work on everything all at once, or trying to change things like height/face shape, just try to improve and highlight something you already have. Hide your weaknesses in plane sight.

So, figure out what your “thing” can be and accentuate that as much as possible.”

#9. Practice

“Learn your angles!! Practice smiling in a mirror and figure out what expressions look best on you.”

#10. Double points

“You’d be surprised what a shower a day, and clean clothes will do. Double points for having well kempt hair.”

#11. Always a jokester in the crowd

“Low lighting.”

#12. Simple things

“The same answers appear every time this gets asked, and ultimately boils down to the same pointers.

– Decent haircut (also hair that isn’t greasy).

– Clothes that fit properly (Not to baggy or purchased from Walmart, I like Ross and sometimes I’ll frequent the mall, I like the vans store).

– Cut your nails

– Smell nice (There are memes referencing a woman’s “hoe side coming out” when smelling a nice fragrance.

I’m not the best looking guy out there, kind of chubby with big glasses at times, some times I wear contacts. My girlfriend is a knockout though, and I like to think covering the previously mentioned pointers helped me out.

Side Note: If you want to meet women you have to talk to them, starting the conversation is half the battle, Introduce yourself, ask a question that may lead to another question to keep things going.

I.E. ” Do you like coffee”? Followed by “Would you like to get coffee:?​

This will may lead to intercourse but is not guaranteed.”

#13. Niceties 

“Be nice to other people. Show gratitude. Laugh a lot. These things are very attractive to other people even if they can’t pinpoint why they like someone. This attitude or way of being will start to show in other aspects of your life.”

#14. A great haircut

“Always have a great haircut or hairdo and smell nice.”

#15. Physical activity

“Physical activity of any sort, doesn’t have to be weightlifting but that’s an option.”

Go forth and stun!

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10+ Experts Give Advice on the Worst Things to Say in Your Next Speech

Fear of public speaking is a real thing. In fact, it’s actually one of the things people apparently fear more than death itself! What is it about speaking to a room of people that fills so many of us with the worst kind of existential dread?

I have found that practice and experience make everything easier (even public speaking), but advice from people who have been there can’t hurt, either. So, the next time you’re sitting down to write a speech, keep these no-no openers in mind!

#1. Clickbait.

“Top 13 reasons clickbait works. Number 10 will blow your tits clean off.”

#2. Here we go.

“I was lucky enough to be on the receiving end of “I know your all want to get out of here, and aren’t interested in a long speech, but that’s too bad, here we go…”

#3. It’s not pretty.

“I’m imagining you all in your underwear, and it’s not pretty.”

#4. Just no.

“So I was reading on the internet the other day…”

#5. Hardy-har.

“Just flew in from LA

boy are my arms tired.”

#6. Solid.

“When I in grade 4 the teacher told us opening line of speech should get people’s attention. So, my friend made a speech, and he yelled, “SEX! Okay, now that I’ve got your attention, I would like to talk about the environment.”

#7. Definitely not that.

“Once I was giving a speech and the podium wasn’t attached right, so just as I was about to start and I leaned on the podium it lifted up and the microphone hit me in the mouth.

When it was an inch away from my mouth, I had just finished the first word of my speech:

FUCK”

#8. A stunner.

“Webster’s dictionary defines <topic> as…reads dictionary definition in its entirety.”

Well this is going to be a stunner of a speech in already sure of it.”

#9. On mothers.

“As a mother…”

#10. An hour from now.

“An hour from now you’re all going to be asking yourselves ‘Is this guy EVER going to get to the point ?’ and an hour after that you still won’t know.”

#11. Hopefully.

“I am much smarter then you so hopefully you get what I am about to say.”

#12. Yawwwwn.

“Hello, my name is <name> and I’m going to talk to you about…..”

#13. Like…

“So like, uhhhh…”

#14. Insert zodiac sign.

“Well… as a insert zodiac sign I think that…”

 

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Woman Pays It Forward at Starbucks as a Social Experiment, and the Result is Spectacular

Have you ever “paid-it-forward?” For those who may not know, paying it forward is the idea of doing something nice for someone, and then asking them to return the favor by doing something nice for someone else. There’s something truly beautiful about bringing a smile to a stranger’s face through an unexpected act of kindness.

With that in mind, one woman decided to attempt a little social experiment.

Photo Credit: Imgur, @kellylymcdaniel

<Eats popcorn> Read on…

Photo Credit: Imgur, @kellylymcdaniel

Looks like paying-it-forward is, indeed, contagious. Are you smiling yet?

Photo Credit: Imgur, @kellylymcdaniel

Smiling now? I thought so. Think about this the next time you’re in line at Starbucks, the grocery store, or even a drive-thru, consider treating a stranger to a smile and pay-it-forward. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

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The Truth Behind How Alcohol Really Impacts Your Mood

It’s a pretty commonly held belief that if you’re stressed out after a tough day, a drink (or two) can help you wind down and relax. This belief is bolstered by the fact that a glass of wine in the evening has become a crucial ritual for many a stressed parent trying to relax.

Luckily, for us, it’s not an unsubstantiated practice. Believe it or not, studies have shown that certain types of wine can have legitimate health benefits beyond the mental stress relief.

Photo Credit: Pixabay 

 

Alcohol quickly boosts our serotonin levels, which results in an elevated or euphoric improvement to our mood. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter (a biological chemical, basically), and it’s a key player in our happiness and mood. People who experience anxiety and depression often have lower than average levels of serotonin in their gut, blood and central nervous system.

The problem is, after that initial boost in serotonin brought on by a couple of drinks, serotonin levels fall down even lower than they were prior to your drinking. So if you drink habitually, it means that you’re regularly lowering your serotonin levels to below what is considered average, and that can eventually rewire your brain.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

If you’re someone who doesn’t struggle with depression and anxiety, then you may not have anything to worry about – but if you do, having a drink or two every day might be something you want to rethink.

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10 Deeply Profound Shower Thoughts

Shower thoughts are the random little epiphanies that you experience while you’re showering (hence the name). There’s just something about idly scrubbing between your toes that opens up your mind in ways you can’t access at other times. Some of these thoughts can be truly revelatory. Others… are a bit more random.

Reddit’s “Shower Thoughts” thread is chock full of these useless ideas.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/tr666ple_6

 

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/JetSetMiner

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/k1l2327

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/PainMatrix

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/Free-Tshirts

The next time you step into the shower, remember your thoughts aren’t as crazy as you might think.

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This Hidden Shrine of Danny DeVito Inside a College Bathroom is Raising So Many Questions

Danny DeVito is a pretty famous guy. He’s played some memorable roles in films like Matilda and Get Shorty, as well as his extended run on TV’s It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. But he’s not exactly the kind of actor you’d think would have a shrine dedicated to him, right?

Wrong. Apparently, students at New York’s SUNY Purchase College have done just that… or they created a cult following for their leader, Danny DeVito. Who knows.

Here’s what we know: recently, someone discovered a secret shrine in one of the college’s bathrooms, hidden behind a paper towel dispenser.

Photo Credit: Twitter, @reasonssmile

Not only is it wonderfully creepy and/or charming (depending on who you ask), it’s filled with treasures left behind for the It’s Always Sunny in Philiadelphia star. Plastic spoons, cigarettes, liquor bottles, and a graffiti picture of Squidward, to name a few, were laid at the feet of a cardboard cut out of DeVito.

Photo Credit: Twitter, @reasonssmile

Photo Credit: Twitter, @helaineDiane

Once the Administration caught wind, they tweeted:

Photo Credit: Twitter, @SUNY_Purchase

But soon after it went viral and students began clawing to give thanks and service to the shrine, the school sealed it up.

Photo Credit: Twitter, @Lauren_f0StER

Many students, as well as other twitter enthusiasts, took to reviving it in various ways to show the love and support every fallen shrine deserves.

Photo Credit: Twitter, @cfields1031

Photo Credit: Twitter, @Mildly_Fun

Photo Credit: Twitter, @heIIishboi

Danny had a good laugh as well and sent an important message about garbage:

Photo Credit: Twitter, @DannyDeVito

But questions still remain…Who did this? Why the obsession with DeVito? And how in the world did they find a removable paper towel dispenser? Alas, we may never know the truth, and I hope it doesn’t keep you up at night wondering as well…

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Target Is Selling Affordable Weighted Blankets, and You Are Definitely Gonna Want One

I was visiting a friend recently, and all she could rave about was the weighted blanket she’d just bought. She admitted that she was basically obsessed with her new purchase. Frankly, up until she went on a 15-minute rant about these blankets, I had no idea these even existed. So, I went home, fired up Google, and did a little research.

These products are all the rage because they’re helpful for people who have anxiety, are stressed out, or just want to get a really good night’s sleep. But the big drawback has always been that they’re pretty expensive.

Not anymore, ladies and gents!

Target is selling a 12-pound weighted blanket for $70, significantly less than most weighted blankets on the market.

While they’re less expensive, they are also a little lighter than standard weighted blankets – often it’s recommended that weighted blankets weigh about 10% of the user’s body weight. Though maybe that’s just Big Blanket…

I haven’t actually tried one of these babies out yet, but all I’ve heard are glowing reviews from friends and reviews online. And they’ve been scientifically proven to relieve stress and anxiety. So grab them up while you can! Perhaps as a Christmas gift?

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12 Stories That Prove People Can Empathize with Just About Anything

Humans are incredibly empathetic creatures. We have the ability to understand the emotional state of others. We can (with practice) discern what someone is feeling, whether they’re a person or an animal, and children even extend this to their toys and dolls. And if you think they’re alone, well, check out the 12 stories below.

They prove, without a doubt, that people can see human traits in objects that aren’t human – or alive – at all.

#12. We should let them use their power for good.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#11. Someone has to love them.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#10. Never tip your soft-hearted hand, kid.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#9. Everyone needs someone to love them.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#8. He put it on his lap. OMG.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#7. So many good men out there.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#6. Savior complex achieved.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#5. Too many kids raised on Toy Story. That’s what it is.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#4. Marry that man!

Image Credit: Tumblr

#3. I’m not alone in talking to random objects. Yay!

Image Credit: Tumblr

#2. I’m sure it understood.

Image Credit: Tumblr

#1. Some people are monsters.

Image Credit: Tumblr

I wonder if these stories will one day charm our robot overlords. I guess we can hope!

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Scientists Confirm That Pregnancy Can Be Contagious

Most women know that, once you get to a certain age, pregnancy seems to be contagious. You hear about one friend who got pregnant, and suddenly it’s like everyone on your friend circle has gone baby crazy. Meanwhile, you’re either peeing on a stick and hoping or crossing yourself and wearing garlic, depending on your feelings about having a child (or another child).

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Well, back in 2014 the American Sociological Association published a study that supports what we see in our social circles – pregnancy can indeed be contagious.

The study lasted 10 years and analyzed over 1700 women to identify the trend. During the interviews, women mentioned “friendship ties” as a reason they thought more about getting pregnant – basically saying that environment and interpersonal interactions influence decisions around starting or expanding family.

Image Credit: Facebook

Other possible factors for the “contagion” are: seeing a friend managing motherhood may give a woman more confidence in her own ability to do the same, and seeing a friend become a mother may leave a woman feeling behind.

Those friendship ties can also influence the number of children a woman has for the same reason – if your pal can make three kids look easy, then you might feel as if you can do the same, and you might feel left behind if you’ve only got 1 child to her friend’s 4.

Image Credit: Facebook

Interestingly enough, this “contagion” doesn’t extend to siblings, a fact that some researchers attribute to the fact that in today’s day and age, friends are more likely to influence us than family (which is fascinating in its own right).

The moral of the story is that your family size might be tied to your friends, so, as always, choose wisely.

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