Does Having Children Before Marriage Raise Your Risk for Divorce?

Divorce is pretty common these days but it was actually less common as recently as just a few decades ago.

That said, many people find the idea of committing to a child easier than committing to another full-grown adult, and are choosing a partner for parenting before they go all-in with a wedding.

The good news? If you do decide, after having kids, to pull the trigger on an ‘I do,” your odds for ending up divorced are no better (or worse) than if you married before getting pregnant.

Image Credit: Pixabay

While divorce rates are on a decline, it’s important to point out that the number of people getting married in the first place is also 25-30% lower than it was during the boomer generation. Fewer people (and couples) are having children at all, as well, and for the first time ever there are more unmarried than married women under thirty giving birth.

Kelly Musick from Cornell University was the study‘s coauthor, and she told Live Science that she and her team analyzed data from the CDC to compare families who had babies between 1985-1995 and those who had babies between 1997-2010. The result?

Since 1997, couples who had children first were likely to get married eventually, and no more likely to get divorced than people who married before having kids.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Why? The study says there is more than one factor at play.

“They’ve got marriage on the back of their minds, but wait to take that step until they feel they’ve met these pretty high standards. The increasing stability of relationships involving cohabitation and the declining importance of marriage timing relative to parenthood is consistent with waning social pressure to marry and the blurring of boundaries between marriage and cohabitation.”

The study did not compare planned pregnancies to unplanned ones, which could make a difference since unexpected surprises can be a huge challenge for couples to navigate. Unexpected pregnancies can make couples feel more pressure to commit to each other even if they have a sense that it won’t work.

Sexologist and author Nikki Goldstein told Fatherly “…there might not have been a long term commitment made before the baby is born, for some there might be questions. Like if they did not have a child together would they have stayed together.”

Issues like that can breed resentment, but in couples who are already living together and plan to bring a baby into the mix, it’s not a consideration.

Image Credit: Pixabay

So, as long as your pregnancies are planned, you don’t have to say “I do” before little ones come along.

But don’t think that means you don’t have to work on your marriage and make it a priority when you can – kids or not, married first or not, the chance for divorce is always lurking.

I’ll leave you on that happy note!

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March 4, 2019

Here’s What Experts Say about Eating for Comfort vs Enjoyment

If you’re anything like me, you may have a bad habit of eating your feelings. It’s actually a very common thing, but it can be seriously bad for your health if you’re not practicing moderation.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Experts agree that if we eat for comfort and it becomes a habit, we can hurt ourselves physically from overeating, while also doing emotional damage because we’re using food to avoid facing our feelings.

Karen R. Koenig, an eating psychology expert, blogger and author shared this with Huff Post about comfort food:

“A misleading misnomer if there ever was one, comfort is not something we want to keep associating with food. We want to file food in our brains under nourishment and occasional pleasure. We want to seek comfort through friends, doing kind things for ourselves and engaging in healthy activities that reduce internal distress.”

Sarah Allen, a psychologist who specializes in eating disorders has some additional advice:

“As soon as you start looking for food, stop. Think, ‘Am I hungry? Do I need food in my stomach, or is one of my triggers going off? What do I need right now?’”

But yeah, that’s good and all… but why is it so hard to NOT do those things?

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Susan Albers, author and clinical psychologist, explains the underlying factors.

“When we’re stressed, our bodies are flooded in cortisol. That makes us crave sugary, fatty, salty foods.”

Cortisol is the body’s main stress hormone. It regulates how our bodies process all the macro nutrients we consume (carbs, fats, proteins), so when stress and anxiety enter our emotional equation… we carbo-load like crazy.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The experts agree that while a hormone like cortisol is a powerful trigger to comfort eat, we need to practice more mindfulness when eating. So instead of letting our mood drive consumption, we need to concentrate on meals, not snacks. Also, emotional eating usually ends up in overconsumption, which means we aren’t even tasting the food we eat. Experience a meal, savor the flavors and understand how you feel when you’re full.

One last bit of advice? Never go cold turkey. People put unrealistic expectations on themselves, which leads to being unable to meet goals. Start off with manageable, achievable goals and then continue to build up to your ultimate goals, whatever those may be.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Basically, enjoy those treats! Because we deserve them. But try to view eating that cookie or candy or baked good or WHATEVER as a way of enjoying yourself, not consoling yourself.

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March 3, 2019

15 Incredibly Helpful Books for Kids Struggling with Anxiety

We tend to think that things like anxiety or depression wouldn’t affect children, but that’s actually not true. As a matter of fact, these can often be tougher for kids because they tend to go unaddressed, or thought of as just being a “phase.”

These 15 books were written to help parents approach the subject of anxiety and other negative feelings. They range from illustrated children’s stories to workbooks that actually help kids cope with anxiety.

1. “Is a Worry Worrying You?“

Photo Credit: Amazon

2. “Help Your Dragon Deal With Anxiety“

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3. “What to Do When You Worry Too Much“

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4. “Stuff That Sucks“

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5. “My Anxious Mind“

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6. “The Worry Workbook for Kids“

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7. “Listening With My Heart“

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8. “Wilma Jean the Worry Machine“

Photo Credit: Amazon

9. “Always“

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10. “Outsmarting Worry“

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11. “Wemberly Worried“

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12. “Coping Skills for Kids Workbook“

Photo Credit: Amazon

13. “Tiffany Sly Lives Here Now“

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14. “Up and Down the Worry Hill“

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15. “Pilar’s Worries“

Photo Credit: Amazon

Now get to reading so you can kick that anxiety in the butt!

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March 2, 2019

Here’s Why Young People Prefer Saying “No Problem” Instead of “You’re Welcome”

Millennials take a lot of heat from older people for the way they do things. In many cases, it stems from the older generation wanting the younger one to do things their way. But things change, and it’s not always bad – like how the youth respond to “thank you”.

Professor Tom Nichols branded himself the quintessential grumpy old man back in 2015 when he tweeted this angry response to what he perceived as a rash of poor customer service.

Image Credit: Twitter

“Dear Every Cashier in America: the proper response to ‘thank you’ is ‘you’re welcome,’ not ‘no problem.’ And *you’re* suppose to thank *me*”

He received a number of responses, the vast majority mocking his attitude, but it one person’s detailed and thoughtful reply makes a lot of sense.

Bottom line? It’s not about being polite, it’s that our views on gratitude are evolving.

Image Credit: Imgur

“Actually, the “you’re welcome/no problem” issue is simply a linguistics misunderstanding. Older ppl tend to say “you’re welcome,” younger ppl tend to say “no problem.” This is because for older people the act of helping or assisting someone is seen as a task that is not expected of them, but is them doing extra, so it’s them saying, ‘I accept your thanks because I know I deserve it.”

“No problem, however, is used because younger people feel not only that helping or assisting someone is a given and expected but also that it should be stressed that your need for help was no burden to them (even if it was).”

Image Credit: Pixabay

“Basically, older people think help is a gift you give, younger people think help is a requirement.”

The explanation, of course, doesn’t apply across the board. There are people in every generation that view service as “no problem” and people who feel like they are doing others a favor, but the idea that “no problem” is somehow disrespectful just isn’t right.

The people who use it are, quite genuinely, sharing that helping you out is “no problem.”

Image Credit: Pixabay

Maybe, if we realized that doing the right thing – simple or not so much – is actually “no problem” we’d have fewer problems in general.

I mean, maybe not, but it’s worth a shot.

The post Here’s Why Young People Prefer Saying “No Problem” Instead of “You’re Welcome” appeared first on UberFacts.

February 26, 2019

13+ People Confess How They Crossed a Line They Swore They Never Would

“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

Even a lovelorn Meatloaf knew that you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. We all have certain things we swear we’ll never ever do, but sometimes life gets in the way of best-laid plans and you end up breaking that promise to yourself. Maybe it’s not that big a deal (like not following through on the “No Girls Allowed” policy for your bedroom), or maybe it’s something life-altering like falling victim to substance abuse.

It can be hard to admit when you’ve gone to your own personal dark side, but that’s just what these 15 people are about to confess…

#1. Just like you’d expect.

“Taking back a cheater. Turned out just like you’d expect.”

#2. I was naive!

“Thought I’d never have sex before marriage. I WAS NAIVE.”

#3. There you go.

“The Maginot Line

I was a poor kid from the States and thought I could never afford to be one of those fancy pants who backpacked Europe for the summer but hey, there you go.”

#4. I’d never do that.

“I remember being a teenager, looking at all my friends going out drinking and doing drugs and thinking that I’d NEVER do that.

Welp.”

#5. Funny how that works.

“I never thought I would start smoking. It’s funny how it works. A drunken drag off a friend’s turns into a bummed smoke which turns into buying your own and then waking up coughing and realizing you’ve been smoking for X years.

Luckily I’ve been off of them for 8 months now, and quitting sucked so badly that I never want to start again. But then again, I never thought I would start in the first place.”

#6. Every parent.

“One that pretty much every parent does at some point in their life.

When I was 12, I was all like “I’m never gonna be THAT parent that stops my kid from doing what I wanted to do right now but Dad said No.”

Now, I’m like all “Now listen here you little shit.”

(Not really. I use “brat”. But I think “shit”.)”

#7. Shooting up.

“Shooting up. Been an addict since 15 years old but i had never shot, then i did and loved the shit out of it. 3 ODs, scars on my arm for life. Just made it to 6 months off the needle on aug 7th.”

#8. What I know I need to do.

“200 lbs. Then 250. Now I’m staring down 300, telling myself I can’t go there, but it’s so hard to do what I know I need to.”

#9. Two of those things.

“I always told myself I’d never ride a motorcycle. “They’re fast, you dont have self control, you’ll kill myself.” Turns out I was right about two of those things.”

#10. Cardboard crack.

“Buying Magic the Gathering singles. It’s cardboard crack, it really is.”

#11. Weird fetishes.

“Probably my weird fetishes relative to sex. My partner just so happened to have the very same so here we are wearing latex suits and calling each other names.

Edit: A lot of these responses have been pretty hilarious and genuinely “heartwarming”. Thanks guys.”

#12. For obvious reasons.

“Always said I would keep my work life and personal life separate for obvious reasons. Dated a co-worker.”

#13. Not overly different.

“Having sex with a girl on her period. Always thought it was very wrong. Turned out to be not overly different.”

#14. After college.

“I never thought I’d live with a family member after college.

But then I started thinking more about expenses. Long story short, I can deal with annoying family debacles if I’m saving over 12 grand a year from rent.”

#15. The most shameful thing I’ve done.

“I was blacked out drunk and drove home. I don’t remember when I left, which route I took, or where I parked my car. I thought I took a cab home until I went to get my mail and saw my car parked outside.

It’s one of the most shameful things I’ve done. I was young and dumb, and it shook me to my core. I didn’t realize how easily someone could make that decision and am forever thankful no one was injured. It’s a line that should never be crossed and I swore up and down I wouldn’t ever. After that night, I either plan ahead or take a cab. Especially with Lyft and Uber being so prevalent these days, there’s just no excuse.”

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February 26, 2019

Teacher Attempts to Simulate a Dictatorship in Her Classroom and It Did NOT Go Well

Diana Leygerman is a high school teacher who does a unit on George Orwell’s 1984 with her class every year. It’s a truly classic work with which to explore themes of totalitarianism and oppressive regimes. As part of the unit, she also turns her classroom into such a regime.

She starts by informing her kids that the teachers and administration have identified “Senioritis” as a serious problem, and are implementing a strategy that has had “immense success” in other schools across the country.

Photo Credit: Amazon

She hangs motivational posters adorned with quotes and falsified statistics, the whole nine yards. The students believe that in order for them to succeed, they need to follow her strict classroom rules. Each time they don’t behave as expected, they lose points. They gain points for reporting other students who don’t follow the rules.

“I tell students that in order for this plan to work they must trust the process and not question their teachers.”

Everyone joins in the school-wide effort, and every year, the students fall in line, one-by-one.

Photo Credit: Diana Leygerman

Except this year, they didn’t.

“A handful of students did fall in line as always. The majority of students, however, rebelled. By day two of the simulation, the students were contacting members of administration, writing letters, and creating protest posters. They were organizing against me and against the administration. They were stomping the hallways, refusing to do as they were told.”

And the rebellion began to spread.

The student government president wasn’t even in her classes but wrote her an email demanding she end the program, that it was “simply fascism at its worst” and that “statements such as these are the base of a dictatorship rule, this school, as well as this country, cannot and will not fall prey to these totalitarian behaviors.”

Photo Credit: Diana Leygerman

She fought the rebellion, bribing the president to publicly resign, but it did not deter the others, who began to fight harder, with more vigilance. They found a new leader and kept pushing forward.

The teacher ended the experiment two days earlier than planned and says she’s learned something important, something that gives her hope – and that should do the same for all of us: teenagers will not go down without a fight when it comes to the integrity of their futures.

“For the first time since I’ve done this experiment, the students won.”

Perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising that kids weaned on books like Harry Potter and The Hunger Games are empowered, and that they realize the strength and abilities they possess despite their age. Kids saved those worlds, after all – who’s to say they aren’t going to save ours, too?

Photo Credit: WarnerBros.

Adults should take a lesson from the kids of today, teens like this teacher’s students and the kids from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida. There’s no room for laziness or complacency when it comes to our rights, to fighting for the kind of society where we want to live and want our kids to flourish. There’s no time to give up.

In the words of one teacher who has witnessed their determination firsthand, “Do not get in their way. They will crush you.”

I, for one, couldn’t be more excited to see what sort of future they hold in their hands.

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February 25, 2019

10+ Secrets About Men That Women Probably Don’t Know

I’m always amazed when my female friends complain to me about how difficult men are to understand. Maybe it’s just because I just live it every day, but I’ve never had a hard time understanding another guy. It wasn’t until I got married that I finally gained perspective on just how different a day in the life of a man is compared to a woman.

It turns out there’s a whole lot about being a guy that women have no idea about – but not anymore, courtesy of these gentlemen of Reddit:

1. Men like our hair however we wear it. There is no need to ask a million times.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/banjohusky95

2. Keep the compliments coming, ladies!

Photo Credit: Rear Front

3. My heart just burst. Cuddle your man!

Photo Credit: Rear Front

4. Is there any other way?

Photo Credit: Rear Front, u/InevitableSignUp

5. Direct communication.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/DepressedBard

6. They truly have a mind of their own.

Photo Credit: Rear Front

7. There’s no need to feel like men are hiding something.

Photo Credit: Rear Front, u/AmericanPixel

8. So sweet!

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/Krzysiuu

9. Man, that sucks!

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/gregn8r1

10. Men are fixers so give a heads up!

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/realbadaccountant

11. Patience is key.

Photo Credit: Rear Front

12. We all show our emotions differently.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/ShakaWTWF

There you have it, ladies. Keep it simple, communicate directly, and be concerned for their junk. Easy peasy!

The post 10+ Secrets About Men That Women Probably Don’t Know appeared first on UberFacts.

February 24, 2019

8 Awesome Facts About All Sorts of Stuff

These facts are about a wide variety of topics, but they’ve got one very important feature in common: they’re memorable, interesting facts that’ll impress anyone you drop them on.

Heck, you might even share them with your pals.

You may proceed.

1. American Badass

Photo Credit: did you know?

2. Enjoy yourself

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3. Did you know that?

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4. A full investigation

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5. Face to face

6. Keep that cat quiet

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7. It’s that simple

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8 Genius

Photo Credit: did you know?

Charles Darwin needs to be honored for this achievement.

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February 24, 2019

10+ People Who Survived When Others Didn’t Share How They Deal With It

It’s hard to imagine what it must be like to survive an event in which other people lost their lives. If they were people you knew, the sense of grief and potential guilt you’d feel would undoubtedly haunt you for the rest of your life.

In this AskReddit article, people who survived such incidents share how they cope.

1. Guilt

“I met a man who survived the Korean airliner crash on Guam. He had bent down to tie his shoe at the moment the plane hit the mountain and a fireball went through the interior of the plane. He told me he felt so bad that so many had died while he had survived. At the time, I was so confused and only years later realized he suffered from Survivor’s Guilt.”

2. Strong current

“I was swimming off a beach in Vietnam. There were a whole bunch of people. I was on the edge of the group further out. There was another guy, maybe 50 years old maybe five feet further out than me. Strong current swept me and the older guy out even further away from the group. In a slight panic, I started swimming and made it back ok. The older guy did not. I remember making it back to the shore and the lifeguard on duty was being yelled at by other people to go save the old guy.

The lifeguard froze up and it was several minutes before he swam out there and pulled the guy back in. The old guy was limp and they didn’t even try CPR. They just loaded him up on an ATV and drove him off.

I think about it and wonder every now and then if I could have saved him. But not being a great swimmer or trained rescuer, I probably would have died too if I tried.”

3. Remorse

“Was in a boat accident with my entire family when I was 8. I wasn’t injured but my sister was killed. I saw her bloody body in the arms of my grandfather in the remains of what used to be his boat. He was never the same man after that. I’m still unpacking how much it’s affected my life, but I know I’ll never forget the image of my dead sister.

Yes, I have very real survivors remorse, as this boat trip was the first time the whole family had been on the boat together, and my sister and I fought over sitting at the tip. I won, she died.”

4. I see their faces

“In the summer of 2012 I was taking a road trip with my family when we got T-boned by a guy going 50 mph. Luckily I was sitting on the left side of the car right behind the driver seat but my sister and my step mom weren’t so lucky. Almost every day I see their faces right before the crash happened and the sheer terror split second before they died. I very rarely take automobiles now and only like biking or trains.”

5. Boston bombing

“My mom was waiting for my sister at the Boston Marathon bombing. She saw the bombs go off and as a medically trained professional, she felt that she should have gone there to help but she also didn’t know where my sister was and whether more bombs would go off.

So she left and found out that my sister had only avoided being at the finish line because her period had started in the last mile of the marathon. It took them hours to get out of Boston. My mom said she could still smell the bombs and felt intense guilt for not helping and a lot of rage towards the bombers.”

6. Lucky to be alive

“Hit by car at 50 mph.

Ironically the girl in the car died from all of the glass and I only needed a few months to recover been 6 months still can stop thinking about her.”

7. Crazy story

“A relative of mine served in WWII, and apparently when he was stationed on an island base in the pacific (fighting Japan) a Japanese plane just showed up out of nowhere and landed on the airstrip. They just kind of left it there for a few days until they decided that it probably wasn’t a kamikaze, and went to confront the pilot.

They found him there starving to death and chained to the cockpit. Eventually he told them that he was supposed to have been a kamikaze pilot, and that all of the propaganda about how brave and willing to die all of the kamikaze pilots were was just to cover up the fact that no kamikaze pilots were volunteers, and they were all forced to die in those planes.”

8. A sad story

“I was in a head-on collision in which a drunk driver hit me and another car in the lane next to mine. The 82-year-old lady in the other car died the next day due to her injuries. When she was pulled from the car, one of her legs looked badly twisted and broken. But other than that, she looked much younger and in good shape, so I figured she’d be fine. I walked away with only some scratches from glass in my face, and some soreness. The drunk driver was taken away on a stretcher, but she survived and is in jail now.

I felt terrible for the lady who was killed. I didn’t find out till a day or two later when a police officer called to get my statement. I didn’t feel survivor’s guilt, because it had nothing to do with me, and I just felt lucky to be alive. I was 41 years old and getting married a few months later. The daughter of the lady who was killed contacted me a few years later, just to hear first-hand what happened that morning. I felt terrible for her and her family, especially since i lost my own mom and dad within two years after that accident. But I didn’t feel guilty. Just sad.”

9. Bomb

“I was on my way to school with my sister, our driver was making a turn onto the street where our school was when a bomb went off. Everything stopped and I huddled my younger sister under me as glass exploded.

It was just scary because I had no idea what to do in that kind of situation, I was just 13.

What’s crazy is that we had stopped for gas otherwise we wouldn’t have been late. A few kids and teachers lost their lives and one happened to be a teacher I was very close with.

I wasn’t able to attend school there anymore, I used to get scared from the vibration of big trucks and loud pops, even balloons lol. I don’t have survivors guilt but always will have that morbid feeling in my stomach wondering what if we hadn’t stopped for gas.”

10. PTSD

“Las Vegas shooting.

I actually don’t have survivor’s remorse, but I think I have (minor) PTSD from it. I feel uncomfortable in large crowds because I’ll imagine gunshots going off and seeing people running everywhere in chaos. It’s gotten better but still unsettling sometimes.”

11. Awful

“I do have survivor’s remorse. 13 years ago, I was running errands with my mom and my little brother.

My brother, who was 17 at the time, had just got his first job in the cafeteria of our local hospital. He just needed to complete his pre employment drug screen. We stopped by the clinic first thing to get it out of the way. After waiting for a bit I went back to my car because I wasn’t feeling well. I was a few weeks pregnant with my son and had awful morning sickness.

While I was in the car I saw a truck come speeding through the parking lot towards the clinic. I thought “wow they’re going too fast to take the turn” and they were. The truck hopped the curb and slammed through the clinic’s window at the end of the little road. My mom and my brother were sitting right where the truck hit. They died an awful, painful death and I nearly did too.

I feel so guilty for not being with them. It’s taken years but I have realized that my mom and brother wouldn’t be angry or upset that they died and I didn’t. I miss them so much.”

12. I miss him

“When I was 21, I was in a tandem hang glider accident that killed my dad. Just a few seconds after takeoff from the hill, a wire came loose and the glider plummeted to the rocky hillside. He took the brunt of the impact for the both of us and died two days later, while I was relatively unscathed.

My dad raised my brother and I on his own from the time my brother was still in diapers. I credit him for my values and my resilience in the face of misfortune. He died just as I was starting my career and finding my own way. I often miss being able to share my trials and triumphs with him – adventures, marriage, births and his grandbabies growing up.

But I never once wondered why it had to happen this way. Our only thought on the subject was to imagine that he would’ve had it no other way. Maybe he even, in those last few seconds, did what he could to shield me from injury. He was a skilled and advanced pilot, achieving his instructor rating after almost three decades of enjoying the sport. He likely knew the outcome of our predicament. But I’ll never know since the seconds before and after the impact are a blackout.

So no, there’s no guilt. That’s not where my head goes for acts of pure chance, however tragic. I just miss him, sometimes terribly.”

13. Poor souls

“I was born with cancer in the late 80s (Canada) and at the time chemo wasn’t really used on kids. A European doctor came to Toronto and took 14 of us and gave us chemo. I was cancer free by the time I was 4 but only half of us walked off the floor. I’m 31 now and have 4 kids but I often think about those poor souls who didn’t make it.”

14. Close call

“I didn’t ‘survive’ it, but I did make a choice to not get in the car that killed one and severely injured my best friend.

The driver was the one killed, but there was no remorse for the guy. He was always a dangerous driver.

However, there was a bit of anger towards him for what he did to my friend. It changed him. Years of childhood memories wiped away due to the head injury. The stuff he did remember was some of the bad times we had, including the argument that led to me not getting in the car.

Our friendship was never the same after that.”

15. Terrorist attack

“I survived a terrorist attack. Many people died and I survived and now I have the worst survivors remorse. I remember reading headlines about all the people that died. There was a father and a son who died together and the son was little like 12. I feel so guilty every single day that I got to to go my prom, go to college, make mistakes, have fun, get my driver’s license, and keep doing all those things when this little boy can’t do anything ever again.

He doesn’t get to keep learning every day like I do. His family will never get to learn his personality, he’ll never meet his first love, or feel pain, or accomplishment, or try something really hard and succeed. Its really hard to put in words the feeling that I feel every day. Its not that I want to die, its more that I feel this incredibly deep sadness and this feeling that I don’t deserve any day or any joy that I feel.

Other than that, any time I hear a loud noise, my entire body stops working for a second. I cant run or I have a flash back of running. Sometimes I feel like ‘That’s So Raven’ because I’ll be doing a totally normal thing and then everything just stops and I am transported back to the place. And I have a permanent bruise on the top of my foot which is annoying. Also, I have learned to use humor as a coping mechanism and it makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable, which is a bummer.”

The post 10+ People Who Survived When Others Didn’t Share How They Deal With It appeared first on UberFacts.

February 24, 2019

10 Fast Facts to Take a Look at Right NOW!

We get it, we’re all in a rush to get things done these days. So here are some fast facts that you can squeeze into your day at any time, then get back to it!