Category: Lifestyle

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Tweets People Who Work in Restaurants Will Understand

Restaurant jobs sure are hard. And tough.

Having worked them a bunch is sort of a badge of honor – it’s like the military service of the job market.

And who better to complain about that sort of thing in a funny way than the people of Twitter, who are serving up a steaming hot entree of sass with a side of “tip me 20%+ or go home, you cheap jerks.”

Let’s get to the tweets.

10. Boxed in

I worked at a pizza chain once and I got so good at folding the boxes I might have been some sort of world record holder.

9. Mr. Otis

It really does break all boundaries.

8. On the line

Look, I didn’t become a cook to cook food.

7. Dead serious

We can all hope for such miracles, and one day they may come.

6. On the mat

“But I heard they use chemicals.”

5. To the extreme

How can a person even have that kind of mental focus and persistence of memory?

4. Open for business

For you? Never. Get in here, ya big lug.

3. Sorry not sorry

I almost never get angry with the representative I’m talking to, I know that if there’s bullsh*t happening it is almost certainly not their fault.

2. Cold storage

In here, no one can hear you sob.

1. By the way

Just a fair warning you should probably order now, or five minutes ago, or just leave.

Here’s to all our heroes out there making it happen. We appreciate ya.

Do you have food service industry experience?

Tell us about it in the comments.

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Sleep Talkers Will Understand These Problems

Sleepwalking is what happens when your brain fails to produce the chemicals necessary to keep you still while you’re asleep so you don’t start acting out your dreams.

I’ve never really had that problem, though I’ve suffered the opposite – a phenomenon called sleep paralysis where that chemical keeps getting produced even though you’re conscious. It’s freaky. I think I’d probably trade it for sleepwalking if I could.

I do, apparently, talk just a bit in my sleep. More frequently, I was informed by an ex girlfriend, I hum little tunes. Not too surprising as I am a musician of sorts, but it pales in comparison to how interesting some of these sleep talking confessions are.

12. Bring on the Muppets tonight

Talk about being felt.

Source: Whisper

11. Say my name

Well, that’s just plain uncomfortable.

Source: Whisper

10. Secrets revealed

I wonder if they vet for this kind of thing in like professional spies?

Source: Whisper

9. Panic time

If I hear that in the night, no matter the context, I’m gonna comply.

Source: Whisper

8. Gibberish times

Those are the best.

Source: Whisper

7. Important meals

Well, you heard the lady.

Source: Whisper

6. What an embarrassment

For all you know, it’s already happened.

Source: Whisper

5. A wide variety

You should go into talk radio.

Source: Whisper

4. A class act

Were you muttering the test answers?

Source: Whisper

3. Monkey business

That would be a pretty difficult thing to hide.

Source: Whisper

2. Double trouble

What are you revealing?

Source: Whisper

1. Sexy dork fish

Um…thanks?

Source: Whisper

Absolutely wild, I’m not sure how I could sleep next to some of those folks.

Do you have experience with sleep talking?

Tell us about it in the comments.

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Major Red Flags That People in Relationships Have Ignored

I lived right by Lake Michigan for a couple of years in Chicago, and every time I would stroll over there I’d take note of the flag.

As anyone who lives near a large body of water knows, they use flags to signify the safety of being on the beach / getting in the water at that time.

A yellow flag meant proceed with caution. A red flag meant get the f**k away.

Unfortunately, when it comes to the metaphorical red flags in our lives, we don’t always listen, as pointed out by Twitter user @objsucks:

What else had people encountered? Let’s find out.

10. That’s permanent

“Hey cool but this is like our second date.”

9. Bad nuggs

What kind of sociopath…

8. That’s a big ego

Was he compensating for something?

7. Not guilty

Was she perchance a juror?

6. Bless up

Which I’m sure she repeatedly insisted was no such thing.

5. Parasocial

That’s a lot of weird rules.

4. Sing me a song

You would lose me at “watched Glee.”

3. Happily ever after?

“Hey, you wanna come pay $50 to freeze to death watching something we could see better at home on TV for free?”

2. Opposites attract

What’s to understand? It’s not complicated.

1. Bad taste

Prince wasn’t bad at anything, ya’ll. Anything musical, anyway.

As we make our way toward the beaches that are our relationships, we must watch for the red flags that are the…flags of…that thing.

GOD I’m bad at metaphors. That’s probably some kind of red flag.

What warning signs have you ignored?

Tell us in the comments.

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People Shared the Wild Ways Their Grandparents Met

I don’t have many crazy “how we met” stories from my relationships. With maybe one notable exception, it’s pretty much just been “I do theatre and she does theatre so we met doing theatre.”

I wish I had some more memorable romantic anecdote to pull, like the one in this tweet:

Or the ones in the myriad of replies that followed:

10. So driven

Next stop, marriage.

9. Take me home tonight

Well, I guess that’s that.

8. Lap it up

When I do that I just get slapped but OK.

7. Look out for her

Buddy you better look out for you.

6. Dude had game

Dang.

5. Wait, how?

Don’t hate the player.

4. Do the math

I, too, am a little bit lost.

3. Breakdown break ups

Driving in cars with boys.

2. Grandpa Chet

Peace out, ya’ll.

1. I’m sorry?

She’s quite the wing lady.

I guess you never know where or how love might find you!

Do you know any cool real-life “how we met” stories?

Tell us in the comments.

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Couples Share the Best Parts of Intimacy After Getting Married

In the book Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, Sheila Wray Gregoire says:

“Intimacy is about sharing something with your spouse that you don’t share with anybody else. It’s letting him in. It’s laughing together. And it’s also feeling that deep hunger for each other!”

But how long can that deep hunger for each other last? Conventional (some might say cynical) wisdom says that once you’re married, it’s just a downhill climb in true intimacy, or desire.

But if these thirteen real confessions from married folks are any indication, that’s far from the whole truth.

13. Too much of a good thing

What, are you like doing it on their laps at restaurants or something?

Image Credit: Whisper

12. Twenty five and still alive

Congratulations!

Image Credit: Whisper

11. The spice of life

It’s a pretty simple way to keep things fun.

Image Credit: Whisper

10. Get the message?

Nothing will make you feel like a teenager quite like that.

Image Credit: Whisper

9. Get your reps in

Four to six times? Dang, how?!

Image Credit: Whisper

8. One for the record books

Do you literally keep like a tab of them?

Image Credit: Whisper

7. Parking in cars with boys

Better be on the lookout for the mean old principal.

Image Credit: Whisper

6. Work it out

Now that’s some exercise we can all get behind.

Image Credit: Whisper

5. I get high

Ya’ll just keep going up, up, and away.

Image Credit: Whisper

4. Comfortable and rarin’ to go

It’s sort of the best of both worlds.

Image Credit: Whisper

3. Can’t wait

Traffic never feels so slow.

Image Credit: Whisper

2. Relieve the tension

Release the chill.

Image Credit: Whisper

1. Playing around

Just don’t let the neighborhood kids see you.

Image Credit: Whisper

Sounds like a wild ride, maybe marriage isn’t so mild after all!

Are you married? What’s your sex life been like?

Share if you dare in the comments.

The post Couples Share the Best Parts of Intimacy After Getting Married appeared first on UberFacts.

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Funny Memes for Anybody Over 30

I saw a tweet not too long ago that pointed out that we’re officially at the point where if your birth year starts with a “1,” you’re legally allowed to buy alcohol.

The Millenium has officially passed the drinking age. Soon it will be old enough to rent a car, and before we know it, old enough to run for President.

I don’t like thinking about that. I don’t like thinking in general, but especially not about that type of thing, because that type of thing reminds me that I am very much not a kid anymore, but then I see these memes about the over 30 experience and I’m like “Lol whatever, at least the bits are funny.”

10. Sync up

My sister blasted the music from her room so I know every one of these songs pretty much by heart.

Via: Someecards

9. Crushing it

Ok, rude.

Via: Someecards

8. Players gonna play

Places that leave pianos around and insist that nobody play them should be sued out of existence.

Via: Someecards

7. Picture perfect

Also RIP to the four SD cards full of pictures you never did anything with that are sitting in a forgotten box somewhere.

Via: Someecards

6. Going up

When it comes to waist lines, I don’t waste time.

Via: Someecards

5. Spot the difference

I assure you, these were two different bands.

Via: Someecards

4. Good genes

You might trip over every other step but it’s gonna be well worth it.

Via: Someecards

3. Dawson’s Crinklefries

Doo DOOO do doo… Doo DOOO do doo…

Via: Someecards

2. Go to tape

And if you hit even the slightest bump in the road, it’s all over.

Via: Someecards

1. Don’t have a cow, man

This is the embodiment of something strange and powerful.

Via: Someecards

I may be getting old, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the ride.

What’s the strangest thing about being your age?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Funny Memes for Anybody Over 30 appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Funny Memes for Anybody Over 30

I saw a tweet not too long ago that pointed out that we’re officially at the point where if your birth year starts with a “1,” you’re legally allowed to buy alcohol.

The Millenium has officially passed the drinking age. Soon it will be old enough to rent a car, and before we know it, old enough to run for President.

I don’t like thinking about that. I don’t like thinking in general, but especially not about that type of thing, because that type of thing reminds me that I am very much not a kid anymore, but then I see these memes about the over 30 experience and I’m like “Lol whatever, at least the bits are funny.”

10. Sync up

My sister blasted the music from her room so I know every one of these songs pretty much by heart.

Via: Someecards

9. Crushing it

Ok, rude.

Via: Someecards

8. Players gonna play

Places that leave pianos around and insist that nobody play them should be sued out of existence.

Via: Someecards

7. Picture perfect

Also RIP to the four SD cards full of pictures you never did anything with that are sitting in a forgotten box somewhere.

Via: Someecards

6. Going up

When it comes to waist lines, I don’t waste time.

Via: Someecards

5. Spot the difference

I assure you, these were two different bands.

Via: Someecards

4. Good genes

You might trip over every other step but it’s gonna be well worth it.

Via: Someecards

3. Dawson’s Crinklefries

Doo DOOO do doo… Doo DOOO do doo…

Via: Someecards

2. Go to tape

And if you hit even the slightest bump in the road, it’s all over.

Via: Someecards

1. Don’t have a cow, man

This is the embodiment of something strange and powerful.

Via: Someecards

I may be getting old, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the ride.

What’s the strangest thing about being your age?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Funny Memes for Anybody Over 30 appeared first on UberFacts.

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Tweets for Anyone Over the Age of 30

I am in my 30’s, and I don’t mind telling you about it. Today I got up slightly too fast and the entire room started spinning so ferociously that I thought “better go lay down or they’ll find me dead in this kitchen.”

Why? No reason. Because 30’s, that’s why. Hope you made the most out of your cool human body because it is officially on the decline now and also you’re gonna get really passionate about home and gardening shows for some reason.

But it’s not all bad news, at least there are a bunch of funny tweets about getting older.

12. The golden age

And then there’s that jerk Tom Brady still winning Super Bowls in his 40’s because he sold his soul to Satan.

11. Party’s over

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

10. The checklist

Yep, that’s me all the way down.

9. Checks and balances

Be sure to panic a lot and then buy things to make yourself feel better.

8. Four wheel driven

Time to go check my credit score again.

7. The one

This makes sense and I hate that it makes sense.

6. Egg-citement!

There’s no accounting for it, it’s just something that’s gonna happen.

5. Mixed messages

I’ve also found that I’m trying very hard to like new music so I’m not the old guy in the room but it is impossible.

4. Holy sheet

You will look forward to it all week.

3. Have a seat

Wait, did some of you NOT have to do this before?

2. Rank and file

You better shape up if you wanna hit that top eight.

1. Gloss over it

Rude.

Bring on the rest of my life, I’m ready for it!

What’s the strangest thing about being your age?

Tell us in the comments.

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Memes That Bring Something New to Your Day

I noticed that on my Facebook feed today that a lot of people were asking for memes.

Like, maybe in this strange day and age where little changes for most of us over the course of the week, we can at least count on the idea that fresh memes have entered our lives and the lives of loved ones, and that we will be able to share that bounty amongst ourselves.

And we can take comfort in that. And rejoice. For the day is new so long as the memes are new.

Amen.

12. The great diagram

Those tricky little colors.

11. We are here!

That loud summer buzzing is literally hundreds and thousands of bugs trying to get laid.

10. Carry on

In the beginning was the word, and the word was with bird, and the word was bird. Bird was the word in the beginning.

9. Bear with me

It’s time to paws for reflection.

8. The great lie

I mean, I’m ALSO tired so it’s not too far afield.

7. Hot topics

Well what are you waiting for, sign me up!

6. Do it yourself

Weirdly depressingly inspirational.

5. Fair and square

The storms are coupling up and making new storms together but everything’s fine, we’re cool.

4. An absolute murder

It does sort of seem inevitable.

3. Cut it out

Given my culinary skills, these should all just say “finger.”

2. SABOTAGE!

It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy.

1. Bean there, done that

I’m thinking about those beans.

Whatever this day or week has thrown at you, be glad, for it has also given you these memes.

What are your favorite kinds of memes to find?

Tell us in the comments.

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Stories About When People Saw Things They Definitely Weren’t Supposed To

There are many moments where we find ourselves going “Welp. That wasn’t for my eyes,” and then trying desperately to figure out what to do next.

A massive collection of such moments came about when Reddit user BK_2_times started this thread:

What’s something you saw that you weren’t definitely supposed to see? from AskReddit

General content warning: there’s some pretty upsetting stuff in some of these answers.

1. Looking it up.

My dad gave me his phone to order something because mine was out of battery and on google

The first tab I see is “how to tell your child a loved one is dying”. my mum has been ill for years now and I’ve been in denial about it getting any worse but this finally broke me

– punctuwashion

2. Not for me.

I have the same first name as the CFO of my former employer.

The CEO was not very technically savvy, and emailed me confidential company documents more than once.

– Inevitable_Professor

3. Whoops.

When I was young, maybe 6-8 I was at my grandparents house.

I was talking with my grandma and said “I wonder if there is a website named after me”.

She was just as curious as me so we go to look it up.

I type in my name then .com and to both of our horrors it was a porn website.

– pomagratitay

4. Family business.

When I was around 10 years old my mom and I went to visit an aunt and uncle as my uncle, my moms brother, had just had a major surgery.

During the visit my aunt and my mom cooked a big dinner and my aunt tells me to go call for my cousin to eat dinner. I go to his room and open the door to be greeted by the sight of guns lining the bed, and I vividly remember seeing, bricks of what I later learned were cocaine, and big burlap sacks of weed.

I blurted out “YOURMOMSAIDCOMEEAT” and immediately slammed the door shut. It was no secret to anyone in our family the type of business that our cousins were in.

He came out of his room a few minutes later and scolded me for not knocking.

I was scared sh*tless but the young kid brain in me was also extremely fascinated to see that they were real life “drug lords”

– Muthafuxajones

5. Call the police.

Saw my upstairs neighbor and another man push a crying girl through a door.

I knew they were involved in drug-related business so I felt it necessary to call the police despite suspecting that I was being a busybody.

I’d asked for my name to be kept out of the case so I wasn’t told the specifics, but my neighbor was gone for good so he was definitely up to no good.

– Fisherman_Gabe

6. Addiction is a monster.

When I was 8 I saw my mom have a seizure due to being physically addicted to alcohol and her trying to quit .

It was a very violent seizure and I went into shock . In the terms of traumatic childhood events I probably was not supposed to see that but I have quite a few

– Kloc34

7. Nothing to see here…

I went to pay a ticket I got while driving with my headlights turned off.

I walked into the courthouse office I was supposed to be in and looked through the glass to see the elected male sheriff giving the female magistrate a back and shoulder rub. They both went white when I knocked on the glass.

The sheriff immediately stopped and walked to another room. The magistrate gave me the weirdest look and said “I guess Christmas came early for you” STAMP and gave me the receipt of the voided ticket. Sometimes it pays to see something you’re not supposed to see.

– pleasedontmak3m3

8. Bad tunes.

One time I went to a concert at a dive venue that was tucked away in some back alleys.

Was having a dart with a buddy out front during the show and amidst the surrounding abandoned housing, I saw two dudes make an exchange of what looked very much to be a bag of guns and a bag of money. The bigger dude instigating the handoff immediately noticed and made eye contact with me. He slowly started reaching towards his waist.

I held my cool and casually looked back towards my buddy who was drunkenly ruining a joke and followed him back inside. I know what I saw. The man knew I saw him. I didn’t look back.

– Krindsley

9. Slow your scroll…

My mom’s old friend came over. She is a little crazy but sweet, too. She said I looked JUST like her daughter, and then spent about 10 minutes scrolling through her camera roll with me to find a picture of her. In the process I saw like 2-3 d*ck pics. She was a bit embarrassed but just said “I’m sure you’ve seen a penis before… sorry.” I assured her it was fine.

Honestly by the looks of the d*ck I was more concerned for her.

– AnonymousDifficulty

10. Business as usual.

I was definitely not supposed to see my former boss banging the woman from the housekeeping agency.

I was also not due the 35% raise that came my way the following month but hey.

– indiblue825

11. Pinball wizards.

One time, right after turning 21 my dad takes me to one of his friends new bar, and we’re drinking having fun.

I realize at one point I lost my dad so I go looking for him, and I find him in the back room.

He’s with one of my friends that works in the kitchen at the restaurant we all work at together and my dad is instantly “get out of here, don’t look! Just go”.

It took me a couple years to realize they were doing lines off the pinball machine.

– Thunder_dancer83

12. Can’t put my finger on it.

When I was a kid I was playing with my dads phone and stumbled upon a video of him and his coworkers fingering the receptionist.

– Ghris-Lee

13. WAAAY too much.

Album and a shoebox full of Polaroid sex shots of my grandmother, VHS tapes of my grandparents having group sex with other people, their bestiality fetish tapes, their Nazi paraphernalia. Found it all while clearing out my grandfather’s trailer after he died.

Also found jars full of p*ss, but I don’t think he cared whether I saw those or not.

– 7456HHggtre77253

14. A flash of inspiration.

I teach high school. While I was taking attendance at the beginning of a Zoom class a few months ago, one of the girls in the class was clearly video chatting with her boyfriend on the side, because she lifted up her shirt for him and flashed the whole class.

That made for an awkward communication to her parents.

– Ghsdkgb

15. Irony.

My exes reddit where he was asking for relationship advice.

– yeeeeteeeereee

Ok, that’s enough for me, I need to go wash my brain out and slowly lower my eyebrows off my forehead.

What’s something you saw that you weren’t supposed to?

Tell us the tale in the comments.

The post Stories About When People Saw Things They Definitely Weren’t Supposed To appeared first on UberFacts.