Category: jokes

Posted on

Amazing Bits of Tumblr Nonsense For Your Viewing Pleasure

If you haven’t been on Tumblr in a while, you’re missing out. Yes, there’s a lot of dumb nonsense to wade through, but there’s also a lot of GREAT nonsense to be mined out. The kind of nonsense that puts a smile on your face. The kind of nonsense that makes you feel proud to be a citizen of the internet. What does it mean to be a citizen of the internet? Absolutely nothing. It’s nonsense. That’s the point. Keep up.

Here are 10 thoroughly delightful absurdities from the jabberwocky connoisseurs at Tumblr.

10. Easy, tiger

Big kitties make their own rules and we just gotta respect that.

https://mloreley.tumblr.com/post/138460084954/opalescentdragon-lehrastar-bunnyfood-get

9. Why oh Wyoming

Am I the only one who pictures this as some sort of slithering motion?

https://rootsoftherevolution.tumblr.com/post/134947983827/kiba2-dead-hey-what-are-you-doing

8. Don’t lose your head

There’s a fine line between love and hate.

https://zellethegal.tumblr.com/post/82967419034/laurassbutt-littoralbones-buttodenkirk

7. Not today, Satan

Cool cool cool, I’ll just go ahead and never swim again, thanks.

https://starfleetrambo.tumblr.com/post/77161868328/fuckinglesbian-thorsies-having-seaweed-rub

6. Butter arm, though

Compared to my cooking skills you’re still doing great.

https://illinoisbysufjanstevens.tumblr.com/post/70211123337/roughrimjob-i-burned-like-%C2%BE-of-my-forearm-on

5. The dark lord rises

This is how you turn lemons into lemonade.

https://admiralrainbow.tumblr.com/post/62926371111/punned-i-get-bloody-noses-a-lot-and-i-can

4. Be careful what you wish for

Osamah here did their good deed for the day.

https://sesh.tumblr.com/post/53247485766/lvysaur-osamah-lvysaur-i-could-use-a-good

3. Perturbing punctuation

E.E. Cummings would be very proud.

https://reqlized.tumblr.com/post/175375825619/consultingsonic-superwholockmunity-i-just

2. Maybe he’s born with it…

…♪♪ maybe it’s Mephistopheles. ♪♪

https://monswoon.tumblr.com/post/120611184943/0-memento-mori-0-glassbottledemon

1. Rock your face off

The only way to stop a bad guy with a crystal is a good guy with a crystal.

https://morticious-delicious.tumblr.com/post/165992004222/crystals-for-banishing-someone

Now that’s the kind of nonsense that fills my soul right up. Thank you, humans of Tumblr. Please continue your noble cause.

What’s your favorite kind of thing to find on Tumblr?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Amazing Bits of Tumblr Nonsense For Your Viewing Pleasure appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Posts You Can Check Out to Give Your Brain a Break

Do you need a break? No worries. We’ve got you covered with some good old fashioned random bits of internet. Today’s fine selection comes from some especially funny Tweeters and Tumblrs and terribly terrific typers who have whipped up just the right balance of lols to give your brain the boost it needs.

So without further ado, enjoy a breather with these 10 particularly priceless posts.

10. Use the force

Man, ever since Rise of Skywalker suddenly EVERYBODY’S a Palpatine. So predictable.

9. Water water everywhere

Why get high when you can get hydrated?

8. The gig economy

Hold on, gotta go write my new screenplay “Sub-Contract Killer.”

7. Spill that tea

Look, I’m not here to relax, I’m here to explode into my own brain.

6. Under a full moon

She’s connected to something very ancient and powerful and you should respect that.

5. Crunchwrap supreme

There is absolutely nothing a-peeling about this.

4. Do ya like jazz?

Dude, just use the buzzer next time.

https://thebeeblogger.tumblr.com/post/159753415771/acegodzilla-so-i-got-a-notification-from-our

3. Love/hate relationships

The great thing about pets is they have no idea what you’re saying.

https://beddle.tumblr.com/post/183442042642/thc-mx-mechalesbian-there-are-two-types-of

2. Holey Yeezus

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat on a wage.

https://fozmeadows.tumblr.com/post/160726210441/peak-capitalism-is-not-immediately-knowing-if-this

1. All the news that’s fit to print

Yes this is how the majority of journalistic output makes me feel as well.

https://w-igglytuff.tumblr.com/post/112731733420/creepydear-memeguy-com

Hope that was a nice break! If it wasn’t long enough, we recommend scrolling back up and reading it again. You can literally do it for free all day if you want. We won’t mind, and we won’t tell.

Who are the funniest people to follow on the internet right now?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Posts You Can Check Out to Give Your Brain a Break appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Memes That Might Feel a Little Too Real

When I die, rather than have some pithy quote as my epitaph, I’d like chiseled upon my gravestone the meme that I found most relatable in my lifetime. It could easily become a trend among those of us who have lived our lives mostly or entirely in the era when memes are practically the most common form of self expression. Keep your Shakespeare quotes and your “loving husband” designations and what not, I’ll take a classic Salt Bae or Dat Boi to express what my life was all about.

Of course, with so many highly relatable memes out there, it would be a difficult prospect to choose just one to truly represent me. Here are a few possibilities.

11. TV troubles

The children of today don’t know the burdens of our past.

10. PJ armor

You don’t expect to GAIN weight during a crisis, but, here we are.

9. Tastemakers

Whew, I’m safe.

8. Don’t @ me

Actually do @ me, please, I crave validation at all hours.

7. Night and day

Can’t sleep in if you don’t sleep.

6. Struttin’

Still gonna expect that assignment submitted by the stroke of midnight, though.

5. Consider carefully

I guess technically I’m a con man?

4. Microbro

This has a real heady feel to it.

3. Pave the way

Like getting a speed boost when you’re not racing.

2. Sky high

Santa has never looked so lost.

1. Eyes on the prize

At least I’m reading.

I just can’t decide what meme best expresses me. I’d better do some more research; there’s lots more to sift through on this great big internet of ours!

If you have to pick one meme to express who you are as a person, what would it be?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Memes That Might Feel a Little Too Real appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Memes That Are So Stupid They Might Be Genius

Even though I’ve worked in comedy on and off for a long time, there are still certain comedy-related concepts that I just can’t quite find words for. One of them is that feeling of something that’s so stupid you laugh at it, and then get kind of angry at yourself for enjoying it, because you know, deep down, that you should be more sophisticated than that, but you aren’t.

So far as I know, no such English word exists – yet. Guess we’ll just have to come up with one ourselves. In the meantime, here are 10 examples of the kind of thing I’m talking about.

10. No bones about it

The ancients worshiped the spooky boi of wisdom.

9. Crash diet

“Hey wine is a vegetable, right?” – people in the 70’s.

8. On a roll

I looked at this meme and suddenly three couches appeared in my yard.

7. Thicc burger

Nothing wrong here, move along everybody.

6. They grow up so fast

Seriously was looking at a real baby considered a sin?

5. Road.exe has crashed

Why do these options even exist, my computer literally never cares.

4. Toaster coaster

It’s a rootin’, tootin, shiny scootin’.

3. A sign of the times

OK but in 2020 this is actually super necessary.

2. Good fountains

“It was as if a thousand dads cried out at once, and then suddenly, silence.”

1. Saucy times

She pleas for the cheese.

Welp, all of that was extremely stupid and enjoyable. I still don’t have a good word for it though. Shamegiggles? Dumbchuckling?

Do you have any ideas for what this kind of humor should be called?

Share ’em in the comments.

The post Memes That Are So Stupid They Might Be Genius appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

People Love This Big Friendly Baby Boi

I don’t know what to think about the internet anymore. I don’t know what to do with this information. I don’t know how to process the fact that people all over social media are losing their minds over a big baby. And I don’t mean, like, someone who cries a lot and is immature. I mean literally just…a really big baby.

The kid in question – apparently named Gavin – was brought to the internet’s attention by a TikTok account operated by his parents. Here’s the spark that started the fire:

@kat.027

#gav #boom #babypowder

♬ Woah – KRYPTO9095

That’s pretty much all it took for folks to start being ridiculous.

Look, we all know that people reach for hyperbole on the internet as a means of semi-ironic humor, but this time around we’re talking about a BABY. And a lot of the comments are so mean and gross that I don’t even want to dignify them with a share on this page.

Others, however, welcome our big boi overlord.

Pretty much any time Gavin pops up anywhere, the jokes start rolling out in an endless cascade.

This above-average toddler is, apparently, the very most shocking thing anyone has ever seen, ever, in their whole lives, ever.

A lot of the riffing wanders away from the mean and into some more clever meme-mixing territory, though.

Imagine what this kid is going to think when, years later, he stumbles upon the origin story he was living without even realizing it.

And what about the parents in all this? Well, they’re continuing post new TikToks of Gavin, a lot of which are pretty clever and endearing. And every time, the riffs start rolling in (pro tip: if you’ve got a big baby joke to make, scroll up and make sure it hasn’t already been said 400 times.) The account currently has over 150 thousand followers and nearly 3 million likes.

@kat.027

#gav #donttouchmytruck #chevy

♬ My Truck – Breland

Despite all the insanity surrounding the internet’s reaction to their kiddo, Gavin’s parents seem to be managing it alright. They’re continuing to post, they disable comments when they get out of hand, and they’re even memeing like champs.

@kat.027

#Gav #king #dotheroar #bigbaby

♬ original sound – kat.027

Some commentators have taken it upon themselves to declare that Gavin must not be healthy to be the size he is at the age he is. And while I’m sure everyone offering those criticisms is definitely a medical professional and not just speculating, their parents have insisted that he is just fine.

They respond pretty regularly to the positive comments. At the end of the day, there are a lot of people just enjoying Gavin’s cheerful presence on the internet. He does seem to have a pretty irrepressible joy to him.

And look, if you can’t say anything nice, at least say something funny and original.

Personally, I’m on team Gavin.

You can follow Gavin on Instagram here. Highly recommend the one where he’s splashing around in a puddle. Very heartwarming. Much cute.

What’s something you’ve seen on the internet lately that made you stop in your tracks?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post People Love This Big Friendly Baby Boi appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Tweets That Remind Us We Have No Idea What Day It Is Right Now

The great Grouch Marx once said, “Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.” If you don’t get it at first go back and read it a few more times. It’s a delightfully confusing quote about time that keeps rolling through my head in an era when nobody, including me, seems to have any idea where we are chronologically, ever.

At least the people on Twitter are being funny about it. Here’s 14 examples of tweets about how we’re all sort of lost in the wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey stuff.

14. The 8 Commandments

Yeah I think I remember these from The Bible.

13. Days’d and confused

If my phone breaks I think I’ll actually lose my soul.

12. A Planner Darkly

Failing to plan is planning to fail.

11. Thank God it’s whatever

We can start drinking even earlier! Or later? I don’t know how it works now.

10. The days are years

We need a whole new set of idioms.

9. Time is relative

It’s always now.

8. Public service announcement

Quit trying to take Rebecca Black’s job, she has this ONE THING.

7. It slows

I don’t know what “take your time” even means anymore.

6. Eternal matrimony

For as long as you both shall live.

5. Hot take

Whoa there buddy, I’m on Twitter to have a good time.

4. I hate Mondays

I wonder how Garfield feels about this latest revelation.

3. Digital fatigue

Even our robot butlers are bored.

2. Show-offs

Nobody likes a bragger.

1. Oh no…

But the other tweet said…ah, nevermind.

Maybe it’s time to invest in the sundial market. That seems about as sensible as anything else right now!

Oh, also, what day is it?

Tell us in the comments. We genuinely don’t know.

The post Tweets That Remind Us We Have No Idea What Day It Is Right Now appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Funny Tweets About How Time Has No Meaning Anymore

Do you have the time? I mean, you probably do have some extra time right now. But like, do you know what time it is? Does anybody? If Twitter is any indication, the answer to that question is a firm “No.”

When your usual routine gets thrown off, it’s amazing how quickly your entire outlook goes into disarray. Lucky for us, some of the responses are really funny. Like these!

15. Dish, girl

It’s kinda like how geological time is measured in rock layers.

14. Ok, Google

This is all just a part of their plot to make us fully rely on them.

13. Underwhen

There’s a joke here about being “brief” that, to my eternal shame, I can’t seem to find.

12. Handy rhymes

Then another 90 days of fear,
For each month of the entire year

11. Time keeps on slippin’

Slippin’, slippin’, into the futuuuuure.

10. TGIW

Every day is Friday when nobody cares.

9. Homewreckers

I think maybe it’s Thruzeday?

8. It never ends

It’s a band, I think?

7. It all makes sense

Ushering in a new era.

6. Back to the future

A simpler time when time was literally simpler.

5. Nailed it

I mean, you have a clock and a calendar on your phone but ok.

4. A hard day’s night

I should be sleepin’ like a log.

3. Superimposition

It’s every day, every day.

2. Classic

Tell ’em, Peters.

1. April showers bring indifference

At least I’m the only one who has to deal with me.

Hope you enjoyed that list! But how long have you been looking at it? A couple of minutes? A week? WHAT YEAR IS IT?!

Any tips for keeping to a good schedule?

Drop ’em in the comments.

The post Funny Tweets About How Time Has No Meaning Anymore appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Everybody’s Drinking on Zoom Now and We’re Totally Here for It

Can’t go to happy hour? You’ve always got the internet to keep you company while you’ve got a drink in your hand. Specifically Zoom, the video platform which has surged in popularity and found itself host to an unexpected array of makeshift online bars and parties.

It’s a phenomenon probably nobody would have predicted, but here we are. And Twitter is talking about it. A LOT.

14. Come on and Zoom

Brought to you by viewers like you.

13. Pace yourself

Or brace yourself.

12. Broadcast slumber

It’s like an accidental self-Truman Show.

11. Nothing to wine about

Hey, I can’t give you any good Riesling not to.

10. Party foul

Did you at least do it off camera?

9. Never grow up

The times they are a’changing.

8. Life as we know it

Leggo my ego.

7. The hangover

Welcome home?

6. White claws

Hey all you cool cats and kittens!

5. Drink & Ink

Gonna come out of this with some fresh tats.

4. Blanket statements

Hey, to each their own.

3. Cried and prejudice

When there’s nobody to hang out with in the afterglow.

2. Internal clocks

According to my watch, it’s tomorrow.

1. Reach for the stars

I guess this counts as trying out some new things?

Maybe this trend will become the new normal. If so, I’d like to claim a position as a virtual bartender. I won’t actually serve anybody drinks but I’ll take a rag and constantly wipe down my desk while saying things like “tell me about it” and “livin’ the dream!” I feel like that’s a service that needs to be filled, no matter the circumstance.

Have you had a drunk Zoom time?

Tell us about it in the comments.

The post Everybody’s Drinking on Zoom Now and We’re Totally Here for It appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Tweets That Capture the Vibe of Our Wardrobe Choices Right Now

Even though the fashion industry is worth over a trillion dollars per year, if we all had our way, we’d probably just wear sweat pants and snuggies all the time. A lot of us have certainly learned that about ourselves, and many have taken to Twitter to express this inconvenient truth in hilarious ways.

Here are 13 examples of people who will never look at style choices the same way again.

13. All about me

Not caring what other people think is a lieeeeee.

12. Where to where?

Yanno maybe we never needed all those outfits.

11. Don’t be a scab

We’re all on strike from life, get in line.

10. Ready? FIGHT!

This is some subtle video game brilliance.

9. Lemons and lemonade

This joke has layers and it’s wonderful.

8. My big day

Why should you only get to wear it once, anyway?

7. Freedom

Burn that crap.

6. Denim deluxe

Well, look at Mr. Fancy Pants.

5. Keep it simple

And don’t even get me started on tying shoes.

4. My natural state

They mustn’t know this is the real me.

3. Changing standards

Look I don’t want to brag but I managed to clean an entire dish today.

2. Half asleep

The key to success is knowing you could totally go do stuff if you wanted to.

1. Don’t overpack

Again, the only conclusion I can come to here is that most of us just have way too many clothes.

If you happen to actually be wearing pants while reading this, I hope you enjoy your ivory towers, you elitist.

What’s your wardrobe been like lately?

Let us know in the comments.

The post Tweets That Capture the Vibe of Our Wardrobe Choices Right Now appeared first on UberFacts.

Posted on

Funny About Everybody’s 2020 Wardrobe

Here’s a movie pitch: it’s like Toy Story except with clothes. A plucky wardrobe full of colorful characters have to team up to solve a mystery when, suddenly, nearly all of them stop being worn. I’d imagine that’s what a lot of our closets feel like, based on what people are saying on Twitter right now.

But while I’m looking for a producer who will finance this masterpiece, enjoy some tweets about what high fashion is like in 2020.

14. Lace-less

See, this is the inciting incident of the movie I was pitching.

13. Upper-crust

Oh, well, aren’t you just a fancy pants?

12. I am enough

Get out of here with that garbage.

11. RIP

Back in my day we paid good money for jeans like that.

10. Swim-where?

Weird motivational flex but OK.

9. Bye bye bags

The revolution has begun.

8. Camera angles matter

Bae caught me slippin’.

7. Winning

Don’t fly too close to the sun.

6. Beautiful lies

Come on Victoria’s Secret, who are you kidding?

5. Hat-itude

Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone…

4. Don’t sweat it

Oh, look at Mr. “I have multiple pairs of sweat pants” over here.

3. Choking hazard

Butt weight, there’s more!

2. Creatures of habit

It helps me pretend things are normal.

1. At least you tried

The important thing is that you stop doing that.

So we’re all a little sloppy. Big deal. There are far worse fates. We could go back to JNCO jeans.

We don’t mean this in a creepy way, but like, what are you wearing?

Share and compare in the comments.

The post Funny About Everybody’s 2020 Wardrobe appeared first on UberFacts.