Folks Discuss the Real Reasons Printers Still Suck

I have spent a good chunk of my life yelling at printers.

My roommate took the last printer I’d been using when we parted ways, and the only thing I miss about it is that it had the little automatic feeder tray to scan documents.

Because we shouldn’t even be BOTHERING with putting data on physical paper, we should be shoving whatever paper is still lying around back into digital form, right?

I mean, RIGHT?

Why, after so many fucking years, do printers still work like overpriced pieces of shit? from NoStupidQuestions

So why are printers so horrible? Let’s see if we can get a consensus from Reddit.

1. “Complicated moving parts.”

They have lots of complicated moving parts that can jam and break and go wrong.

Meanwhile the business model is to sell the printer as cheap as possible (maybe even at a loss) and make up the money on ink cartridge sales, so there’s incentive to cut every corner on build quality if it makes it possible to sell the end result even cheaper.

If you want a reliable printer, look for one that just does one thing (all the multifunction printer/scanner/copier/fax/shredder/espresso stuff just adds more complications and things that can go wrong) and be prepared to spend extra for quality.

Or buy a laser printer – toner cartridges last way longer than ink cartridges, which flips the business model away from selling refills. Colour lasers are pricey, but a black and white laser printer can be reasonably inexpensive and is a better bet for reliability than an equivalent inkjet.

– noggin-scratcher

2.”Just save everything.”

I work in IT and the one technology I hate more than anything is printers – god f*cking d*mn it why cant people just save everything online, send them in emails and let us trash the bleeding things.

Join the paperless revolution now and yeet your printer out the window

– Bisqutz

3. “Paperless is not an option.”

I’m in IT too, Unfortunately paperless is not an option (yet) in the industry. Best solution is Lease, You save on time and money, Printers are managed offsite by the provider, The consumables are automatically ordered when needed and the printers can log they own tickets!

I saved my last company 1/3 the usual yearly spend in the first year. Now in a new place with 10 year old printers I’m trying to do the same, Why it’s a hard sell is way beyond me.

– drumanddrummer

4. (That’s over a thousand pounds of paper per month.)

Used to repair industrial copiers. You’d hate being IT for the railroad then.

Only place I ever serviced where it was when, not if one would break. They had 3 huge Monochrome printers for their Engineers and Conductors work orders. Things spat out 120K pages a month, each. Full service was needed every 2 months minimum. Then you had the fact that if it did jam, some idiot would stick their grease coated hand in, grab whatever they touched and rip it out.

I arrived once to find a fuser unit just chilling on top of the machine. Those are pretty hard to get out on the models they had even using tools.

Even I wished they’d go digital.

– McDicklesP1ckle

5. “Printer = inkjet?”

Every single thread about printers being sh*t is either about inkjets breaking or about cost of inkjet cartridges. Then comes a hero and suggests laser.

I wonder whether the word “printer” = “inkjet” for americans. Do most people just buy them dirt cheap, throw away and replace? Because in my limited 3rd world experience, laser cartridges are cherished, loved, refilled and refurbished till their last black breath. And most 8+ years laser printers can be repaired for cheap.

– TrueMinoshiro

6. “What the monopoly wanted.”

Walmart.

My father worked for Lexmark for most of his working life. According to him, the big box stores came along and dictated the price of goods. They told single-stream businesses like Lexmark that they would only sell printers that cost $50 or less.

As Walmart is roughly 30% of all sales of anything in the United States (at the time) you had to do what the monopoly wanted. So factories were exported overseas, R&D budgets were slashed, and the ‘we will have to make our profit off ink cartridges instead’ model was implemented.

So the printers had to be made a sh*tty and cheaply as possible in order to be allowed to sell them at all.

All his years at Lexmark turned him to hating capitalism and the unfree market.

Once a Chinese conglomerate offered to buy Lexmark, he was happy to take the contract buyout and leave early.

– Farmerssharkey

7. “It’s a workhorse.”

A few years ago I purchased an All-in-One HP laserjet printer – copy, scan, fax, and print, including automated double-sided printing. I have not had a single problem with it. It connects to my home network via wireless. It prints color as well as black and white.

The toner cartridges are expensive, but (a) print some huge number of pages, and (b) are stable for years. I read about a man who maintained computer equipment for a small firm that found 10yo cartridges for his printers that had been stored and forgotten, he put them in and they worked without a hitch. The toner cartridge technology has gotten perfected, even to the point of making them easy to install.

I don’t remember how many years I used this before I needed to replace the B&W cartridge. It’s a workhorse.

I just looked up the price of this, retail — it’s just under $500. You can buy an inkjet for a quarter of that, and the ink is much cheaper, but they dry out while you aren’t using them, I used to have annoyingly frequent trouble with mine jamming and smearing, the printouts smear if touched too soon after printing, and also if they get wet. None of this has been true with my laser printer.

I’m afraid you’ve been buying the wrong printers.

– arghvark

8. “Worse than glitter.”

Yeah I think about that often. We have VR glasses, hoverboards and Sophia the robot, but printing is still a huge pain in the *ss.

Even at work, it’s just such a pain. There is always something with it and this is coming from a graphic designer that has learned to fix printers.

Like ever had a broken toner cartridge explode in your face? Worse than glitter.

– Twirlingbarbie

9. “Never buy a printer.”

Pro tip: Never buy a printer, go to FedEx Kinkos and pay $1.50 for the once or twice a year you actually need to print something.

– trush44

10. “Ink is expensive.”

First off, ink is one of the most expensive liquids in the world.

Printers are there to sell ink, and basically nothing else. If you want to buy a printer that’s big enough for a small to medium office setting these days they almost always come with a subscription to a maintenance and ink refill program to make sure you continue buying the “correct” ink and do regular maintenance (aka spending money)… A lot of printers won’t even accept any cartridges other than the ones made specifically for that printer anymore.

But apparently that’s not enough, because they want you to also buy a new printer every few years, meaning the printer is made with incredibly cheap parts and lasts about 1/10th as long as it could. Planned obsolescence is far from an uncommon business practice, but the real problem is that every printing company is buying into the business model.

Is it possible to make a superior product that doesn’t break down as often? Is it possible to make a universal ink cartridge or even one that works across all [OG printing company]? Do even the printers at [OG printing company] break down all the time? The answer to all of these questions is “yes, but money is more important”.

The one place all the printing companies actually compete is in the large scale printing production market, any machine made for a large office or printing central company is made to last and costs a fortune.

– Lesbionical

11. “Cheaper to just buy a whole new printer.”

In college I would buy the cheapest printer that only printed (no scanning no fax) and when the cartridges that came with it ran out, it was cheaper to just buy a whole new printer than new ink cartridges

– PapaRed18

12. “Actual good software.”

If you’re an actual good software engineer, you don’t get a job designing software for a printer.

– Lobanium

13. “People treat copiers like trash.”

As a MFP repairman, I can tell you the 2 most common issues I see with printers.

A, most people treat the copiers like trash (using paper with the wrong settings, over working it, never having it pm’d, using crappy paper, running unauthorized objects like paper clips and sticky notes through the document feeder, skyshots, etc.), and wonder why it breaks down.

B, they go with the cheap option which either means the machine is 5-7 years old, not the right model for their workload, or is a HP.

– BloodNinja87

14. “Include a trigger warning.”

Please include a trigger warning for questions like this in the future.

Asking my dad this question started a 5 minute rant that I’m pretty sure will repeat itself in about 10 minutes.

– lantana88

15. “In spirit.”

All printers are from 2005 in spirit.

– malatropism

So, taken together, the solution to this enigma seems to be:

If you want a printer that doesn’t drive you insane, spend the money on a decent laser model instead of picking up the cheapest possible scam of an inkjet and expecting it to not destroy your marriage.

What’s your printer approach?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Folks Discuss the Real Reasons Printers Still Suck appeared first on UberFacts.

Guys Admit What They’d Do if They Were Women for a Day

I’m a dude. And I have oft wondered what it would be like to be, say, not a dude. A woman, perchance.

My musings on this topic have ranged from how it might feel physically, to how much I would like it, to what my external treatment would change to, etc.

But this is the internet and there’s not a lot of space for nuance here, so let’s get to the weirdness.

If you were the opposite sex for a day, what would you do? from AskReddit

Here’s what some of my fellow men said they’d do given 24 hours as a woman. I’m sure they’re not gonna embarrass me at all. Let’s find out.

1. Off to a great start.

Play with my woman boobs for a day instead of my man boobs like normal.

– d*ck-nipples

2. Yeah, that’s the technical term.

I believe the appropriate response is: be a hoe.

But with my luck I’d be on my period.

– Sh*ttinwithmykitten

3. What the f*ck.

I’d probably end up in the hospital for sticking so much stuff up my vagina

– beerknowswhen

4. Ok, this is…cute?

Find out what the girls really do at sleep overs, it’s a mystery that has to be revealed

– Anon_nomy

5. A valid social experiment.

Male at the moment, so would become female.

Aside from all of the obvious sex things, I’d love to walk into a computer or gaming store, with the knowledge I have, and see if/how differently I’d be treated.

– Ratfor

6. And we’re back to weird Freaky Friday sequels.

Go on tinder and swipe right on lesbians, hopefully can have lesbian sex before my day up.

Would be awkward if my day was up mid sex

– oknh

7. Guys.

Poop so I could see if it’s true that women don’t poop

– watches_yousleep

8. Aw, this is actually kinda sweet!

Depends.

If my wife and I switched roles, I would just have sex with her so she understands my adoration for it with her.

– mountiemotorsports

9. Again, a valuable lesson I’m sure.

Assuming I’m a good looking lady go to a bar and see what it’s like to get a ton of unwanted attention.

– PoliticalNerd87

10. …Reddit, everyone.

I know many people will say this, but have sex with my best friend, but in this case not cuz he is a virgin, since he is not, but cuz even though he had sex, he never felt truly loved, his longest relationship lasted about 2 months. Since I support him and care for him, I would let him silly f*ck me, just saying.

Also, none of this is gay.

– CoffeeK_

11. Science, of course.

Get naked and touch every part of my body. For research purposes.

Cos when I revert I want to have a whole lot more intimate knowledge of female sexual responses.

– Duck_Kak

12. Ya’ll are really scared of this, huh?

Being the lucky piece of sh*t I am, I’d probably get a period

– EnderCorePL

13. I just…

I’d post my t*ts on reddit for karma.

My current tits don’t get much traction here.

– [User Deleted]

14. THE WHOLE TEAM?

Play with the new plumping, then go f*ck a soccer (football) team.

– Chrome_Armadillo

15. You’ve…you’ve already thought about this a lot.

am I hot/attractive? I’d drive to walmart, get a high quality camera and some bananas. then make some “asmr” videos. like 50 of them. 20 with my clothes on and 30 topless. and then maybe 10 more full frontal nude. just recording and storing the footage all day. if i can do more, i’ll do more. in different rooms so it looks like different days.

Then when I’m back to being a guy, I’d slowly release the videos on youtube and start a patreon and onlyfans. and then upload the nude ones to those sites. and i’d do this over the span of a few years, uploading each video once every month, sometimes twice a month. some months being skipped.

Then when I’m down to my last video, I tell people that I’m moving and need some funds to move to another state to get a ton of money from my simp army. Then when I get as much money as possible, I upload a video of my male self saying that she’s taking a break for mental health reasons and that she’ll be back. but she never comes back. and then I’d leave the donation stuff open for those who want to keep simping for no more content.

– MyStationIsAbandoned

Well. That was…enlightening. I’m gonna go see what women had to say about becoming men. I’m sure it’s…better?

What would you do if you swapped sexes for a day?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Guys Admit What They’d Do if They Were Women for a Day appeared first on UberFacts.

Memes That Will Make You Laugh Today

We don’t ever give away any of our secrets around here, but I will tell you that we’ve been hard at work in our lab coming up with great ways to make you laugh…

Yes, we consider ourselves scientists. Meme scientists, that is!

And we have a great batch here that we think are going to make you laugh in a major way.

We crunched the numbers, studied the formulas, and here are the results.

You may now proceed.

1. You clearly know what you’re talking about.

I’m impressed!

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

2. I don’t think that’s gonna happen.

Nice try, though.

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

3. You can’t forget to do that.

It’s part of everyone’s daily routine.

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

4. Why the long face?

Let’s try to get to the bottom of this.

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

5. You aged pretty fast, huh?

I guess you don’t look THAT bad for 33.

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

6. You need to rearrange that part of the playlist.

It’s just not working…

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

7. You know why…

Are you sure you don’t want to just give them to me permanently?

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

8. Which one are you?

I used to be the one on top. Now I’m the one on the bottom.

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

9. You were just following directions.

I can’t say I’ve ever seen this before…

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

10. Don’t sit there!

You’re gonna regret it…

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

11. This is not gonna end well.

This is my hood!

Photo Credit: Cheezburger

Have you seen any funny memes lately that really made you laugh?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post Memes That Will Make You Laugh Today appeared first on UberFacts.

Hilarious Times People Shared Their Favorite (and Most Embarrassing) Photos With Celebs

I guess you can’t always blame celebrities for occasionally being rude to random people out in public who want their photo with them.

It would probably get old, right?

But that’s not gonna keep folks from hounding them for a pic, because, let’s be honest, how often do you really see famous people?

People shared some funny and awkward pics with celebs.

Let’s take a look!

1. Gruesome twosome.

Not bad!

2. Gimme two!

There you go!

3. Not once, but twice.

Nailed it.

4. Keep an eye out.

There she is!

5. From a million years ago.

Do you believe in love?

6. A big flex.

And you got a hug!

7. Pretty cool.

Gettin’ down and dirty.

8. A little blurry.

Can’t recapture that one…

9. You get around!

Always ummmm…

10. My two moms.

I think you’re lying to us.

11. That’s called winning!

Who has the better hair?

Okay, now we want to hear from YOU.

In the comments, share some of your own pics with celebs if you have them.

We can’t wait to see them. Thanks!

The post Hilarious Times People Shared Their Favorite (and Most Embarrassing) Photos With Celebs appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Childhood Mysteries That They Solved Years Later

Do you remember a childhood mystery that stuck with you…

Maybe it had something to do with a weird relative or a secretive neighbor or something that was never to be spoken of in the house.

I think most of us had something in our lives like this, right?

Folks on AskReddit talked about childhood mysteries that they ended up solving later in life. Let’s see what they came up with.

1. You were lied to!

“That the brown part of bread doesn’t contain the nutrients.

It’s just the more cooked outer layer.

My brother lied to me to get me to eat crust when I was a kid.”

2. The truth comes out.

“My dad used to occasionally burst out with this one line of a song:

“…said Barnacle Bill the Sailor…”

Only ever that line. When I was 6 or so I asked him why and he said it was an old drinking song that was absolutely filthy and I was too young to hear the rest of it. This continued once or twice a year until I was 18.

I told him I was an adult now and he could tell me the rest of the song. I distinctly remember him looking up from the newspaper, sighing and folding it then going “The truth is I can never remember the rest of the song.”

And then went right back to reading the newspaper…”

3. Makes sense now.

“The weird smell that I referred to as a “stinky cheese smell” were probably a symptom of seizures.

I would happen maybe twice a year, it’s not really like cheese, it’s like a smell that isn’t a smell. Idk how to even describe it. It was so minor parents disregarded it. I can remember it starting in 2nd grade.

I suddenly started having it a lot more as an adult when I hit 28 and got diagnosed two years later after symptoms became way more extreme. Makes so much sense now!”

4. The secret recipe.

“Growing up I always insisted I liked the mashed potatoes at my grandma’s house better than the ones my mom made at home. My grandma once told me it’s because she uses a special recipe.

I found out last year that my mom hand mashes her potatoes. My grandma just gets the Betty Crocker boxed sh*t. Her special recipe I was gonna get what she dies is Betty Crocker.”

5. Name that tune.

“I remember being about 8, and in the car with my dad. I was in the front seat and we were driving somewhere, and this song came on the radio.

He cranked it and said something about it being the best guitar playing ever. He really jammed out, which was really uncharacteristic because he was usually so stoic. It was the only time I heard the song, and he died before I could ever ask him what song it was. When I asked around, no one knew wtf I was talking about or what song I was thinking of.

So I had this melody in my head for years, but how do you look up a song that has no lyrics? So for years and years, this song stayed on the back burner in my brain. I was afraid to forget it. Somehow this story pops up when I’m like 26 or so, chatting with my husband and we searched YouTube for “best guitar songs”.

After about 15 minutes, we find it. Cliffs of Dover was the song that I’d burned into my brain on repeat for 16 years. Now I jam out to it with my kids.”

6. I knew it!

“When I was in elementary school, I always wondered what the teachers staff room was like. It seemed so mysterious – and I remember trying to get a peek anytime I walked by and the door would open.

Later became a teacher and can fully confirm they’re dull, often toxic spaces full of cranky teachers complaining about students.”

7. You did this!

“When I was younger, like 4 or 5, my family had a pet turtle.

One day the turtle went missing and my parents told me it climbed the wall in our backyard and went to the creek behind our house. I, being a naive toddler child, did not question this logic.

Fast forward to when I was 17 and driving with my mom in the car. We saw a tortoise crossing the street and I was suddenly thrown back to my memory of us having a pet turtle. I pulled over to save the tortoise and was all “OMG MOM TURTLES CAN’T CLIMB WALLS! WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR TURTLE?!”

Came to find out it had burrowed a hole in our lawn and my dad didn’t notice it until after he ran it over with a lawn mower ? obviously it was easier to pick up the pieces and tell your kid it climbed the wall than admit you murdered it with a lawn mower.”

8. Doing time.

“I visited my dad when I was 7-years-old at the place where he worked, or so I was told.

I remember people laughing at me because I said it looked like a prison.

The people laughing were the guards and I was indeed visiting my dad at Terminal Island Federal Correctional Institution where he was
an inmate.”

9. Don’t drink that!

“Once when I was about 7 or 8, my family was having a pool party and my twentysomething aunt was sitting by the pool with a glass of clear liquid.

I was hot and thirsty, so I reached for her drink, and she said, “Don’t drink that, it’s pool water!” I wondered why in the heck she’d have a glass of pool water, but left it alone.

Years later, as my family’s alcohol consumption habits became clearer to me, I realized that she was probably drinking vodka.”

10. Nice and wholesome.

“We grew up poor and at the age of 10 my friends were all having these crazy birthday parties with petting zoos, bounce houses, clowns, etc. so my mother who is very resourceful decided I would have a sleepover for my 11th birthday.

It was great and we were gonna make ice cream cones! So we got all the stuff out with my mom, and my mother opened up the box of cones, and they were all smashed up. She said that we weren’t having regular ice cream, we were having “magic castle sundaes” (because the broken ice cream cones resembles the sections of a castle).

We all thought this was great and we had them. When my friends went home, they asked their parents to make magic castle sundaes. Two days ago I found out that my mother was getting the past sell by foods behind the grocery store (they were not expired, just past sell by date).

She had no idea that the cones were brown up until she opened them with us. She thought of the magic castle idea quickly, and we all loved it. Just goes to show how stupid kids are.”

11. Stretching the dollar.

“Growing up, I could never figure out what my dad’s obsession was with ham hocks and beans. I mean, once a month, my mom would make a huge batch of ham hocks and beans, and we would feast on it for days. Days.

It wasn’t until I turned 17-18 that I figured out the reason: times got tight towards the end of every month and this was my parents way of stretching the almighty dollar.

My dad told me one night before he died – – we were reminiscing – – “I actually hated ham hocks and beans…”

12. Ghosts!

“I live and grew up in the Deep South.

As a child from earliest memories until about 8, we would take a winter trip up to Stowe, Vermont to see the grandparents. I would have scary nights hearing ghosts wailing outside the windows. it was terrifying! GPs moved south and we stopped going.

When I was in my 30’s I took another trip up to Vermont. first-night stay, I heard the ghosts!!! Turns out the winter winds up north are waaay different than the winds of southern nights.

Suddenly my general fear of the dark disappeared as I realized fully what the source of the sound was.”

13. The big punch.

“The reason my aunt punched her husband at the pool during a huge family vacation.

It was because she found out that the long distance charges to the hotel room they shared had a ton of calls to a woman he was known to…think were swell…”

14. Kleptomaniac.

“When I was 10 my godfather gave me 20 dollars as a christmas gift.

At the end of the dinner the money had disappeared. For years my parents blamed me for being irresponsible with my money.

Years later we figured out, after she was caught stealing stuff from my aunt’s house, that my cousin’s fiancée at the time is a kleptomaniac. Turns out she was the one that stole the money.”

Now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us your own childhood mysteries that you solved when you were older.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post People Share the Childhood Mysteries That They Solved Years Later appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Childhood Mysteries That They Solved Years Later

Do you remember a childhood mystery that stuck with you…

Maybe it had something to do with a weird relative or a secretive neighbor or something that was never to be spoken of in the house.

I think most of us had something in our lives like this, right?

Folks on AskReddit talked about childhood mysteries that they ended up solving later in life. Let’s see what they came up with.

1. You were lied to!

“That the brown part of bread doesn’t contain the nutrients.

It’s just the more cooked outer layer.

My brother lied to me to get me to eat crust when I was a kid.”

2. The truth comes out.

“My dad used to occasionally burst out with this one line of a song:

“…said Barnacle Bill the Sailor…”

Only ever that line. When I was 6 or so I asked him why and he said it was an old drinking song that was absolutely filthy and I was too young to hear the rest of it. This continued once or twice a year until I was 18.

I told him I was an adult now and he could tell me the rest of the song. I distinctly remember him looking up from the newspaper, sighing and folding it then going “The truth is I can never remember the rest of the song.”

And then went right back to reading the newspaper…”

3. Makes sense now.

“The weird smell that I referred to as a “stinky cheese smell” were probably a symptom of seizures.

I would happen maybe twice a year, it’s not really like cheese, it’s like a smell that isn’t a smell. Idk how to even describe it. It was so minor parents disregarded it. I can remember it starting in 2nd grade.

I suddenly started having it a lot more as an adult when I hit 28 and got diagnosed two years later after symptoms became way more extreme. Makes so much sense now!”

4. The secret recipe.

“Growing up I always insisted I liked the mashed potatoes at my grandma’s house better than the ones my mom made at home. My grandma once told me it’s because she uses a special recipe.

I found out last year that my mom hand mashes her potatoes. My grandma just gets the Betty Crocker boxed sh*t. Her special recipe I was gonna get what she dies is Betty Crocker.”

5. Name that tune.

“I remember being about 8, and in the car with my dad. I was in the front seat and we were driving somewhere, and this song came on the radio.

He cranked it and said something about it being the best guitar playing ever. He really jammed out, which was really uncharacteristic because he was usually so stoic. It was the only time I heard the song, and he died before I could ever ask him what song it was. When I asked around, no one knew wtf I was talking about or what song I was thinking of.

So I had this melody in my head for years, but how do you look up a song that has no lyrics? So for years and years, this song stayed on the back burner in my brain. I was afraid to forget it. Somehow this story pops up when I’m like 26 or so, chatting with my husband and we searched YouTube for “best guitar songs”.

After about 15 minutes, we find it. Cliffs of Dover was the song that I’d burned into my brain on repeat for 16 years. Now I jam out to it with my kids.”

6. I knew it!

“When I was in elementary school, I always wondered what the teachers staff room was like. It seemed so mysterious – and I remember trying to get a peek anytime I walked by and the door would open.

Later became a teacher and can fully confirm they’re dull, often toxic spaces full of cranky teachers complaining about students.”

7. You did this!

“When I was younger, like 4 or 5, my family had a pet turtle.

One day the turtle went missing and my parents told me it climbed the wall in our backyard and went to the creek behind our house. I, being a naive toddler child, did not question this logic.

Fast forward to when I was 17 and driving with my mom in the car. We saw a tortoise crossing the street and I was suddenly thrown back to my memory of us having a pet turtle. I pulled over to save the tortoise and was all “OMG MOM TURTLES CAN’T CLIMB WALLS! WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR TURTLE?!”

Came to find out it had burrowed a hole in our lawn and my dad didn’t notice it until after he ran it over with a lawn mower ? obviously it was easier to pick up the pieces and tell your kid it climbed the wall than admit you murdered it with a lawn mower.”

8. Doing time.

“I visited my dad when I was 7-years-old at the place where he worked, or so I was told.

I remember people laughing at me because I said it looked like a prison.

The people laughing were the guards and I was indeed visiting my dad at Terminal Island Federal Correctional Institution where he was
an inmate.”

9. Don’t drink that!

“Once when I was about 7 or 8, my family was having a pool party and my twentysomething aunt was sitting by the pool with a glass of clear liquid.

I was hot and thirsty, so I reached for her drink, and she said, “Don’t drink that, it’s pool water!” I wondered why in the heck she’d have a glass of pool water, but left it alone.

Years later, as my family’s alcohol consumption habits became clearer to me, I realized that she was probably drinking vodka.”

10. Nice and wholesome.

“We grew up poor and at the age of 10 my friends were all having these crazy birthday parties with petting zoos, bounce houses, clowns, etc. so my mother who is very resourceful decided I would have a sleepover for my 11th birthday.

It was great and we were gonna make ice cream cones! So we got all the stuff out with my mom, and my mother opened up the box of cones, and they were all smashed up. She said that we weren’t having regular ice cream, we were having “magic castle sundaes” (because the broken ice cream cones resembles the sections of a castle).

We all thought this was great and we had them. When my friends went home, they asked their parents to make magic castle sundaes. Two days ago I found out that my mother was getting the past sell by foods behind the grocery store (they were not expired, just past sell by date).

She had no idea that the cones were brown up until she opened them with us. She thought of the magic castle idea quickly, and we all loved it. Just goes to show how stupid kids are.”

11. Stretching the dollar.

“Growing up, I could never figure out what my dad’s obsession was with ham hocks and beans. I mean, once a month, my mom would make a huge batch of ham hocks and beans, and we would feast on it for days. Days.

It wasn’t until I turned 17-18 that I figured out the reason: times got tight towards the end of every month and this was my parents way of stretching the almighty dollar.

My dad told me one night before he died – – we were reminiscing – – “I actually hated ham hocks and beans…”

12. Ghosts!

“I live and grew up in the Deep South.

As a child from earliest memories until about 8, we would take a winter trip up to Stowe, Vermont to see the grandparents. I would have scary nights hearing ghosts wailing outside the windows. it was terrifying! GPs moved south and we stopped going.

When I was in my 30’s I took another trip up to Vermont. first-night stay, I heard the ghosts!!! Turns out the winter winds up north are waaay different than the winds of southern nights.

Suddenly my general fear of the dark disappeared as I realized fully what the source of the sound was.”

13. The big punch.

“The reason my aunt punched her husband at the pool during a huge family vacation.

It was because she found out that the long distance charges to the hotel room they shared had a ton of calls to a woman he was known to…think were swell…”

14. Kleptomaniac.

“When I was 10 my godfather gave me 20 dollars as a christmas gift.

At the end of the dinner the money had disappeared. For years my parents blamed me for being irresponsible with my money.

Years later we figured out, after she was caught stealing stuff from my aunt’s house, that my cousin’s fiancée at the time is a kleptomaniac. Turns out she was the one that stole the money.”

Now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us your own childhood mysteries that you solved when you were older.

We’d love to hear from you!

The post People Share the Childhood Mysteries That They Solved Years Later appeared first on UberFacts.

12 of the Most Amusing Things Kids Ever Said

When I was a kid, I realized that as we got older, we got taller. So far so good. I was also informed by my mom that some day, I would most likely be taller than my older sister, since boys tend to be taller than girls on average.

With these two bits of information in my head, I came to the conclusion that one day, I would be older than my older sister. I was elated. Because age means seniority, and seniority is power. Soon I would be at the top of the pecking order. I lorded this over her, only to have her shut it down with a “no, that’s not how it works.”

I was livid. Inconsolable. My dumb kid brain couldn’t put it all together. But it makes for a funny story now. Just like these tweets!

12. I’m sorry?

We need to find a new way to communicate this sentiment in English.

11. I said IF

That kid’s gonna grow up to have an anxiety disorder.

10. Screen it

It’s fun to have superpowers for just a little while.

9. Pig out

She a little confused but she got the spirit.

8. The nug

He’s just trying to improve the recipe, why won’t you live a little?

7. Baby you’re a firework

It’s gonna be an explosive realization later in life.

6. The nose knows

Riiiiight, that’s your story and your sniffing to it.

5. Ahoy there!

Hey, as long as they’ve got a name to attach to it.

4. Sleepy time

Sounds like you need to find a better dealer, kid.

3. Master of sneak

Kids love this game and every single one of them is horrible at it.

2. A magical realm

Not sure if this really happened or not but man is it funny.

1. Cyber sleuth

*Hacker voice* I’m in.

From the mouths of babes, am I right?

What’s a dumb thing a kid has said to you?

Tell us in the comments.

The post 12 of the Most Amusing Things Kids Ever Said appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share Really Embarrassing Childhood Moments They Laugh at Now

We’ve all been embarrassed before, and these folks can’t help but share the times that they got red in the face.

Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. We’ve ALL been there.

Here are 10 people’s stories that we can all relate to in some way, shape or form.

Let’s take a look!

1. Happens to the best of us.

I was about 3, in a Bloomingdales with my mom, who was looking at purses. I had to go pee. She couldn’t hear me. So I just pulled down my pants and went.

Another time, I was in Mexico City with my family and my sister was running towards the glass sliding doors but missed, instead hitting a window. Her nose mark was there the whole day.

And finally, I peed my pants in the middle of science during 4th grade.

2. This is like, a rite of passage.

When I was about 6, my mom and I were putting ornaments on our Christmas tree. She showed me an ornament, and told me that she’s had it since she was my age.

I said “Wow, it must be really old!” without malicious intent, but oops.

3. Won’t be the last time.

So this happened when I was in kindergarten.

I had just walked into the bathroom, and I went to look for a stall that wasn’t being used. I started checking for ones that had unlocked doors, and I found one.

I pushed it open, and there was another little girl sitting on the toilet.

I was flustered, and apologized quickly.

4. Why are boys?!

So when I was around 12 or 13 it was that time of that month. And I didn’t know that cuz it started and i didn’t know. So me and my crush were partners on a school project. (And just to mention i was wearing white jeans) So he dropped his pencil and he looked up and said trinity you have a red stain on your hoo haw.

And i turned so red in my face. But the loud mouth kid heard and screamed ” TRINITY’S ON HER PERIOD!”

We did just learn about periods and puberty in health the day before and i didn’t want to return and now my crush at that time is now my bf of 5 years and reminds me of that day every couple months.

5. The poo-fect experiment!

My parents are both scientists, so naturally I was and am a very nerdy person. One time, when it was lightly snowing during recess, I saw that a dog had pooped near the playground.

I grabbed a bundle of twigs and leaves, knelt down next to the poop, and began to ‘dissect’ it. The teachers were very made when they saw me with my very clean hands and snowsuit, with a group of children huddled around watching me, and they nearly dragged me inside.

Somewhat embarrassing, but my parents told me that it was good that I was interested in the world around me when I got home.

6. Ah, young love.

I was in 5th grade and we were coding. Everyone has a little childhood crush, and so the “genius” that I was, I sat down next to him in my computer science class. That day we were coding, and there was a really cute code thingy that you could make your choose an animal and you make it dance with music that you pick.

At the time, I loved loved LOVED 80s music, and some 90s and when I saw the song that I was currently obsessed with, “Take on Me” I choose it. Once I finished the code, I got some headphones and turned up the music super high. A bit into the music I started to hum the song and watch the little animal dance his butt off.

When it finished, I looked up and saw everyone staring at me. I said “Uhh? Is there something on my head?” and a girl replied back to me by saying: “Well, you were singing a song, I thought you were talking to me, so I responded and you never said anything back besides the lyrics of the song…” I could literally feel my checks burning up.

To make matters worse, everyone started to laugh at me; including my crush. Even the teacher was laughing at me. I still get a little flustered reciting it smh.

7. I love that dad took a picture.

One time, a few months ago, my cousin and I were playing hide and seek at my house, and I found the PERFECT spot. So my little brother has a bunk bed and a trundle bed and the trundle bed doesn’t have a mattress in it yet. So of course I crawled in there because if I could get in, I could get out right? Wrong. So I called for my cousin and we spent like, 20 minutes just trying to get me out and then he left and got my dad (the whole time I thought he abandoned me) and my dad took a picture of me and took his sweet time getting me out. I obviously eventually got out, but yeah.

Okay so the other one was in second grade, there was a boy that I liked and I used to chase him around the playground during recess. So one day I got super close to catching him and he tripped and fell down like a tree. So naturally I tripped as well, resulting in chipping my tooth on his butt. (It wasn’t a bad chip)

8. Way to go, dad.

I was about 6 and we (my close family) were going to have a dinner party that night so my dad was taking me on errands. we were in this small, local market, and right next to the cashier where my dad was, there was a giant jar of taffy. i was really craving candy, so i took one out and asked my dad if i could have one.

he was talking to the cashier and just told me to wait a second. I put the candy in my pocket and just looked around some more. then he got me and we rushed out. we had to go in a hurry, so we were going pretty fast. we were about half way down the street when i reached into my pocket and felt the candy. i had totally forgotten about it, but was terrified because i thought i would go to jail, so i told my dad.

he flipped out because he thought i meant to steal it. that wasn’t even the worst part. as we were walking back to the shop, my best friends mom came around the corner and asked what we were doing. my dad told her that i stole something. i was mortified

9. Puberty is the worst.

OK so when i was around 11.

I was on my period and i didn’t realize it and my crush and i were partners on a school project and he dropped his pencil and was like “hey, you have a red stain on pants near you hoo haw” and the kid who cant keep their mouth shut seriously yelled “She’s got blood on her pants!”

It was right after health class and we just learned about periods and puberty.

So yeah that was embarrassing.

10. That’s just funny.

So, I was in Sweden at an amusement park, and it had a big wooden hamster wheel, and I was walking on it, and my pants, because they were big, got caught between two boards.

I fell down and went all the way up, then dropped down. worst part is, my pants fell down when it happened because…

It was still stuck.

Of all the things that happened to me as a kid, being embarrassed is among the things I miss the absolute least. Ugh!

Did you find any of these situations relatable? Have a story of your own you’d like to share?

Let us know in the comments!

The post People Share Really Embarrassing Childhood Moments They Laugh at Now appeared first on UberFacts.

Some of the Best Facebook Posts of the Year That Will Give You the Laughs You Need

How are you doing, friend? Good, I hope. And it’s about to get better. Much better.

Why? Because we went out to the Twitter… to find the best of Facebook.

Make sense? Yeah, of course it does. How can it not? It’s so easy to follow.

Let’s take a look at these 11 Facebook posts that will give you life, laughs and love.

1. Lol… my kid is trash. Pls help me.
Gotta love the honesty!

Poor kid ? from sadcringe


2. Merry Beanmas!
This is gross… but also fantastic, right?


3. That’s actually how it works.
Do you even Spanish, bro?


4. Gotta give ALL the love to Dolly, fam!
Jolene… Jolene… Jolene…


5. Oh snap! You got the daughter you need.
I honestly don’t even know how to read this.


6. When you find these diamonds in the rough…
Gotta polish them up!


7. I am endlessly fascinated by this!
What in the heck are people doing during quarantine?!


8. When you just want your money back from your mistake…
Go to Facebook and GET THAT MONEY!


9. People get THIS excited about Christmas?
Good lord!


10. Doing it Fred Flintstone style!
Hope you’ve got some great shoes!


11. What in the actual what?
I mean… at least they can rhyme.

And that, my friends, is how laughter is made. One Facebook at a time… and one Twitter post that highlights that Facebook post.

All of that makes sense, right? It’s not really that hard to figure out. It’s a clear path from Facebook to Twitter to here. Simple!

Okay, any of these make you laugh out loud? Let us know in the comments!

Thanks, fam!

The post Some of the Best Facebook Posts of the Year That Will Give You the Laughs You Need appeared first on UberFacts.

Hilarious Fails People Were Brave Enough to Share

Do you know what’s totally hilarious? People failing.

You know what’s even better? When people fail AND share those fails with the world.

It takes a big person to bring out the worst in people, and make it their best… but that’s what we have in these 12 posts, AND WE ARE HERE FOR IT!

Let’s take a look!

1. Alright, who planted a bomb in the paint?

I mean… I have sooooooo many questions about this. Where to begin?!?

Gonna be a long day.. from Wellthatsucks

2. That stupid thing when you forget you’re melting your lappy.

“Oh dang… that’s hot.”

My dad says, “Google is doing this stupid thing where the blur the top left part of the results. Facebook is doing it too actually.” He melted the top left corner of his screen. from Wellthatsucks

3. I mean… would anybody take this job for $25?

More like $100 to get that unf**ked!

Image Credit: Facebook

4. Hey, at least she found them!

That’s a plus, right?

Facebook

5. My guess is the applesauce is on the right.

What do you think?

One of these is applesauce. One of these is grease from a deep fryer. Guess which one I ate a spoonful of a few minutes ago from RuinedMyDay

6. When you hear your iPhone ringing, but you can’t figure out where it is.

Anybody ever look OUTSIDE of the car? Ha!

Image Credit: Facebook/IDK

7. I hear that’s good luck!

Just don’t drink that lucky drink… #truth

Walking to my first job this morning with a fresh cup of coffee. That’s not cream, it’s a crow shit hole in one. from Wellthatsucks

8. An important distinction in 2020.

“Why are my hands are sticky?!”

Image Credit: Know Your Meme

9. I’ll give you ONE guess.

Or… I’ll give you 630 guesses.

10. Wow… somebody wasn’t paying attention.

Or maybe… they were getting revenge!

11. I didn’t even realize they melted!

Did you know they melted?!

12. I mean… this might be somebody’s DREAM, right?

Extra pepper? More like ALL the pepper!

My pepper grinder broke this morning. from Wellthatsucks

There you have it! All the hilarious fails you can handle, and for the low, low price of completely free.

What a deal, right?

Alright, we want to hear from you. Which one of these made you laugh the most? Let us know in the comments!

The post Hilarious Fails People Were Brave Enough to Share appeared first on UberFacts.