People Whose Clothes Blend Seamlessly into the Background

Picture this: have you ever accidentally worn an outfit that made you blend in with your surroundings and you felt kind of foolish about it?

These photos are NOT like that because they are the work of a very skilled photographer, but they sure are beautiful to look at.

Photographer Joseph Ford has a book dedicated to this kind of work called Invisible Jumpers. Take a look at these pics.

1. That is pretty impressive.

2. Up the escalator you go.

3. Matching with a building.

4. This one is great.

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Tom and Dre, 2019 48 hours knitting by @ninadoddknits Thanks to @burlandmusic and @_andrenels for agreeing to pose. Often when looking for models I wander the streets for hours or days, searching for inspiration. I’d wanted to step away from the stereotypes of people who fish so I went to a skatepark. Tom and Dre were surprised to be asked to model but agreed. I’d scouted the location on a grey day, and the jumper colours only matched the sea wall when the sky was overcast, so we had to wait hours for clouds to come over. We weighed the fishing line down with a thermos flask to make it look like Tom had just caught a big fish. No idea what the real anglers thought we were playing at. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #invisiblejumpers #knittedcamouflage #knitting #knittersofinstagram #hoxtonminipress #ninadodd #josephford #blendingin #fishing #angling #fishermenofinstagram #fishermen #aquamarine #seaside #seawall #anglers #pecheurs

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5. A seamless transition.

6. Knitted for a perfect fit.

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I spotted this location in Brighton a while back. I loved the rich palette of greens and blues, the dilapidated door and the ragged grey mop against the wall. It seemed the perfect place to photograph Fimber Bravo, the renowned steel pan player. I’d come across his captivating music a few years ago and wanted to work with him for a while. Nina, knitter extraordinaire, loves a challenge and spent weeks working on this jumper. Time well spent. Thanks to #fimberbravo for modelling, @dukeofwoollington as always, @infinityfoodsbrighton for allowing us to take over your loading bay and @lilli.bpayne for your help on the shoot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #fimberbravo #knittedcamouflage #infinityfoods #brighton #brightonlife #knittersofinstagram #camouflage #musician #portrait #steelpan #dreadlocks #leaves #green #chateauoart

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7. Blurred into the background.

8. Identical twins, identical clothes.

9. Tiles for days.

10. Yellow for the win.

Do you have any photos of yourself like this?

Let’s see ’em in the comments!

The post People Whose Clothes Blend Seamlessly into the Background appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Funny “Can’t Unsee” Tweets That Are Very Accurate

Sometimes you see stuff that gets burned into your brain for the rest of your days. It’s not pretty, but you have to learn how to deal with it.

In the spirit of that fact of life, here are 15 tweets that point out things you can’t unsee.

I apologize in advance…

1. That’s Roland Rat!

2. Time for some stir fry.

3. Whoa! Mind is blown.

4. Poor big fella.

5. Why, Fred? Why?

6. This, I can deal with.

7. In the “A hole.”

8. That is eerily accurate.

9. Paging Jake Gyllenhaal.

10. Totally the same energy.

11. All the same moms.

12. Slack Quack. All day.

13. Well, that’s ruined now.

14. That’s pretty creepy.

15. One more for good measure.

Do you have any of your own things you can’t unsee?

Let’s hear about ’em!

The post 15 Funny “Can’t Unsee” Tweets That Are Very Accurate appeared first on UberFacts.

Teachers Share the Most Hilarious Things Their Students Have Ever Said

Let’s take a trip down memory lane.

This one goes out to the teachers.

Throughout the school day, all teachers hope to impart wisdom into the next generation. But beyond math equations and reading groups, teachers get to experience the hilarity of what kids say.

u/moosepajamas asked Reddit:

“Teachers of Reddit, what is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a student say?”

And the forum dropped a few outrageous quotes!

10. Bathroom break time? Nope.

“One of my pre-kindergarteners was squirming as we lined up for lunch. I asked him if he needed to go to the bathroom, and he said no, but kept squirming.

So I asked if he was sure, and he said, ‘I’m OK — it’s just that my penis is so big.’ He had an erection.”

odzilla79

9. Compliment or insult?

“I wore a Captain America shirt to school for ‘Super Hero Day,’ and one of my students said I looked like Captain America before the injections.”

umero1uno

8. A wise child once said…

“One of my 7th graders asked me where babies come from, and another student replied, ‘Well, when a Mommy and Daddy love each other very much…they get a bottle of scotch and a cheap motel room.”

Reddituser

7. The kid’s got a point!

“I heard a student say, ‘I thought Astronomy would be easy because I know all about it, but he hasn’t even brought up horoscopes yet, and we’re 6 weeks in!’”

chrisrayn

6. Burn!

“I’m a math professor, and I had just finished a proof when I asked my students, ‘Does everyone understand my choices?’

One of my favorite students piped up and asked, ‘Are we talking about your proof or how you’ve chosen to live your life?’”

ColdStainlessNail

5. How did she know it’s salty?

“I was teaching a lesson on whales in my high school science class, and had just mentioned the sperm whale when a girl asked, ‘Is that why the ocean is so salty?’”

Deadsolidperfect

4. Speech impediments make for funny moments

Taught ESL for a year. Had an adorable 6-year old who could not say clock. We worked for weeks at it with her, she just could not say it.

“Poppy, what time is it?” “Its 6 o’cock!”

I couldn’t help but laugh every time.”

gaters_gat

3. Ouch

“One of my students was hugging me goodbye when they took a deep inhale, smiled up at me lovingly, and said, ‘Your shirt smells like a grandma, but your armpits smell like Chuck E. Cheese.’”

WalterWhitesHairLine

2. Jesus…

“I teach elementary band, and once we were preparing for a playing test when one student said, ‘Man, I need to practice.’

Without missing a beat, the kid next to him said, ‘My mom says I need Jesus.’”

moosepajamas

1. Good point

“One of my students once asked me, ‘If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?’

I lost it in class.”

bunsenbernerr

At least teachers get a touch of humor while they work!

Tell us your funniest kid moment in the comments! Even if you’ve ever been a teacher, we know you’ve heard one. ?

The post Teachers Share the Most Hilarious Things Their Students Have Ever Said appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share the Times Their Gut Feelings Turned out to Be All Too True

Have you ever had a gut feeling that just nagged at you? Did it ever turn out to be spot on?

So it’s not particularly surprising that the question was asked on redd… “What’s your greatest most satisfying “I fucking called it” moment?”

Yeah, these are fun…

11. His Name Was Charles

“Back in the early ’90s, I was in my early twenties and, as people in their early twenties often do, I spent a lot of late nights at my local Denny’s hanging out with friends and drinking cheap coffee.

The late-night wait staff was pretty small, so my friends and I wound up getting to know them pretty well — socializing with them as well. Some of them would hook us up with free fries or sodas and every now and again if things were slow, they’d sit at our booth with us.

One of the people who would hang out with us was named Charles.

Charles was an older guy in his 50s who was very nice to my friends and me, but he was a little… creepy. He would never get overt about it, but he definitely embraced the whole ‘creepy uncle’ persona. He’d tell the girls in my group how pretty they were, and how he wished he was still young, that sort of thing.

The guy was a little weird, but he was a nice guy to us.

All the same, I remember telling people, ‘Charles has a secret. He’s in his fifties, slinging coffee at an all-night restaurant, but he comes off as educated and sort of worldly. He talks about traveling and living well — I don’t know what it is, but Charles is damaged. I bet he killed somebody or something.’ I was convinced that the ‘nice guy’ bit was a cover for something dark.

UH, YEAH…

So as my group got older, people came and went, some of us fell out with others, some of us got real jobs and couldn’t stay up until 4 am at a Denny’s, and we eventually stopped hanging out there.

Never really gave Charles much thought after that, for YEARS.

Then I saw Charles on the news.

Turns out Charles was Charles Rothenberg. In what I understand was originally intended to be a murder-suicide, he doused his son David in kerosene, and lit him on fire.

David survived, but was horribly scarred for the rest of his life. Charles continued to get into criminal trouble, and was ultimately sentenced to 25 years in prison as a result of California’s ‘Three Strikes’ law.

He’s still in prison today, but in the late ’90s he changed his name to ‘Charley Charles,’ because sure, why not.

When his son was 19, he visited Charles in prison, apparently reading a prepared statement to him:

‘Charles, you are not my father. You are an impostor. Parents don’t hinder their children from experiencing a normal childhood. I wish that you could experience the trauma and pain that I have gone through.’

Afterward, David told the press, ‘He wanted me to know that he loved me. The last thing I said was, “No you don’t.” And I walked out.’

In a somewhat bizarre turn, David later legally changed his own name to ‘Dave Dave,’ mirroring the ‘Charley Charles’ name his father adopted. I have no idea if this is coincidental somehow, but the irony is not lost on me, that’s for sure.

Unfortunately Dave Dave himself passed away last year, at the age of 42 — his ongoing medical issues, which were the result of his burn injuries, eventually killed him.

So, yeah. I called it — Charles was harboring something dark when he was getting free fries for my friends and telling the girls how pretty they were. I just had no idea HOW dark.”

10. Totally Called It!

“In high school, my best friend’s little sister (16 at the time) brought home her new 18 year old boyfriend from work to meet the family. I was over at the time and talked to him for a while because we were the same age. After meeting him, I realized something was off. I got the impression that 1) He was much older than claiming 2) had been in jail.

I wound up saying something to my friend, who told his parents and sister.

Long story short, the family freaked out on me for spreading rumors that weren’t true, telling me to mind my own business, etc…

Two years later, the sister comes home from a date with him in tears. He finally came out and admitted to her that 1) He was 30, not the now 20 he was saying 2) He had spent 2 years in prison, but refused to say for what.

I was very quick to point out to the family how I called this years earlier and was basically shamed out of their house.”

9. Always Get A Second Opinion!

“My husband is super medically fragile – he’s had cancer twice and a bone marrow transplant in the last 9 years.

A few years ago, he had surgery on his wrist and I had a gut feeling he was brewing an infection despite being on antibiotics. His surgeon’s office saw him and switched the antibiotics. I contacted the cancer center because I just knew it was going to become more. They blew me off and punted back to the surgeon’s office.

I knew this was beyond the surgeon’s scope.

I pitched a tantrum fit and pretty much told them they were going to see them and I wasn’t accepting no for an answer. The triage phone nurse was condescending and telling me it was probably nothing and could wait. We got to the clinic and the nurse there started looking around the incision site. She told me that she believed my gut and pushed to admit him.

The CT showed a huge infection that landed him in the hospital for a week on potent IV antibiotics with another surgery to clean out the site.”

8. Super Creep

“When I was in sixth grade, I became friends with a couple other girls in my neighborhood. We each had completely different backgrounds, but we just clicked. For years, we three did all the things good friends do. The only thing I, personally, didn’t like was to stay over at the house of one of these girls, I’ll call her Brianna. I’d sleep over at the other girl’s house, they could sleep at mine, but I always came up with an excuse not to stay at Brianna’s.

She started to get her feelings hurt but I ignored it.

Then when we were all about 16 we all sat around drinking, like teenagers do. We got into a little debate about who is better friends with who, and I was somehow accused of not ‘liking’ Brianna as much as the other friend because I wouldn’t spend much time at her house. Since I had zero filter at that moment, I blurted out, ‘Brianna. It isn’t you. It’s your dad. He’s a child predator, I can tell just by looking at him.’

As soon as I said it, everything changed. I apologized, that didn’t work of course. Both of my best girlfriends dumped me that day. I still had a solid best friend, but I had to get myself a new group for sure. Also, they started bullying me a bit, but I just took it because of the horrible thing I said about Brianna’s dad. I felt super guilty.

Three years later, I was out of high school, living with my best friend who was still friends with Brianna.

I got home from class and there was Brianna sitting on the living room couch. It was SO uncomfortable. I decided to try to apologize again. ‘Hey, I know you are probably sick of hearing this, but I am so very sorry for what I said about your dad, Brianna. Please forgive me, I still don’t know why I’d say such a thing.’

She sort of chuckled and said, ‘It’s no big deal, he assaulted all of us.’

I never questioned my intuition again, because I called it the second I saw that creep.”

7. Bridal Woes

“Remember the Runaway Bride? Not the movie, the actual woman?

Well, there was a woman who was ‘kidnapped’ before her wedding (maybe a couple days before, if I’m not mistaken), and the whole world started looking for her. If I remember correctly, she was able to make a phone call to her family and she told them she was kidnapped by some ‘Mexicans.’ As soon as she said that, I knew she was lying. Whenever people specify a race when explaining a crime, my ears perk up, but I understand why she did it.

People will believe it.

Either way, my girlfriend at the time got so mad at me saying, ‘You always think you know it all! This woman was kidnapped and all you can do is think of something to be right about! Have some compassion.’

Couple days later, guess who shows up?

Apparently she didn’t wanna get married and decided to get ‘kidnapped’ rather than call it off. Luckily the state made her pay back all the money they spent to search for her, but of course, no jail time.

I never said ‘I told you so’ to my girlfriend, but I know she was waiting for it by how she was acting, didn’t speak much, acted aloof.

So we never spoke of it after.”

6. Live That Single Life!

“The first paramour my mom met was this guy from a city about an hour and a half drive from us on a less than reputable dating site. Soon she started dating him and promptly gave him a key to her house. DUMB, right? So she’s my mom and I respect her, but at the same time, I want to keep her safe. I meet the guy and can instantly tell there’s something not quite right about him. He was nice to me but he seemed unnaturally shy and would rarely make eye contact with me.

And he would always try to buy my affection. As they continued to date, my mom would get mad at me for being cold to him. And of course I couldn’t articulate why I felt the way I did. Fast forward about a year, they are married. She finds out he has been sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet women. She divorced him and he knocked up some woman half his age.

So then she meets this guy, on the SAME SITE.

I met him and he seemed nice enough. Way more personable and outgoing but something still seemed off about this guy. He told my mom he was 52. Also, he told her he was in the Navy and was a SEAL. Obviously I was skeptical because SEALs don’t have to brag about being SEALs and he really didn’t seem the personality. Fortunately for me, one of my best friends’ step-dad was a legitimate Navy SEAL. I asked my mom’s boyfriend some details about it (when he served, his BUD/S class, etc.).

My friend’s step-dad has access to BUD/S class records and this dude is nowhere to be found. Told my mom and called the dude out on it, he folded and admitted he was in the Navy but lied about being a SEAL to impress the both of us. Not only that, but I get on this court records website the courts in our area use and find out he is not 52, but 60!

Mom is currently doing just fine living the single life.”

5. Sketchy AF

“After breaking up with my first girlfriend, she rebounded with a very sketchy dude at her work. Within a month, he was living with her and she had become a completely different person. I tried warning her she was being gaslit and manipulated. Her friends tried. But the dude had his teeth sunk in too deep and she was not listening to any of us.

After 6 months, he dropped the act and made up an elaborate story about his mother (who he had previously said died of cancer) having faked her death and being alive in California.

So he left for a week at which point he stopped all contact with my ex. She panicked and came to me saying she was worried. And within days, his entire construction fell like a house of cards, and it became clear he wasn’t coming back. He had gotten what he needed. My ex was devastated. I always did have a bad feeling about him.”

4. This Is A Rollercoaster Ride

“A few years ago, a friend of mine had gotten caught up in the ‘letgo’ app (like ebay and tinder had a baby). He found a crazy good deal on an Audi and wanted to check it out. I was apprehensive about the low price and how it was advertised in a lower income community. He told me not to worry and invited me to come along to check it out.

My friend was texting the seller throughout the day trying to make this deal happen.

He, his girlfriend, and I went to the seller’s house to check out this car. We couldn’t see the car anywhere and figured it was in a garage or something. We arrive at the house of the seller and we’re greeted by a young guy (early 20s) dressed in laid back, lazy day on the couch, bum-around the house basketball shorts and t shirt. At this moment, I knew something was up.

We hop out of our car and the seller leads us to the back yard of this little suburban house with no garage, but a shed – ALMOST wide enough to fit a car…

The seller says that the car is in the shed and his brother has the key. He begins to walk up the steps to the back door and from around the corner of the house pops out a thin guy with a hoodie and a ski mask on. His right hand is hidden behind the lining of his hoodie but is posturing that he has a weapon and is ready to shoot.

We all freeze.

Not because we’re paralyzed with fear, but because the absurdity of the moment.

It’s 2:30 in the afternoon on a bright sunny day in a modest suburb in everyday America, and here we are getting robbed.

I look at the seller and see the weakest surprised face I’ve ever seen. It was clear to me that this was a set up and we bit the hook. But luckily for us, these two guys were the laziest fishermen in the state.

We didn’t move an inch, we stood calmly and silently thinking the same thought: ‘If he actuality has a weapon, then we can panic.’

We stood there for a few seconds waiting for the ski mask to engage us and make his move, but he just stood there at the corner of the house! After about 30 seconds of silence, the ski mask dipped back behind the house and I urged us to leave. We pile back into our car and head back home.

Now, this should be a near miss story, and you all are waiting for the ‘I called it!’

You see, on the car ride home, my friend was trying to get back in touch with the seller!

He didn’t believe that the whole situation was a set up, and that we got out of it untouched because of the ineptitude of those guys. He kept texting him and told us to pull over at a gas station so he could try to get this Audi.

I sat and argued with him for literally 58 minutes, explaining that this car, this price, this seller, all of it, was a lie to try and rob us. I said, ‘We got lucky and avoided getting robbed or hurt or killed and now you want to go back and put the SAME HOOK IN YOUR LIP!?’

My friend argued that even a chance at a car at this low a price was worth it. ‘If I can arrange for this deal to happen somewhere in public, then I can get this car!’ He texted something to that effect to the seller and didn’t get a response. My friend started the car back up and we went home.

Later that evening, I was with my family watching the local news, and who should pop on screen? A mugshot of the guy who was ‘selling an Audi.’

He was caught by the police later that day for trying the exact same trick! I sent my friend a screen shot of the mugshot with the message:

‘Look, it’s your boy!’”

3. Preggers

“In Canada, we have a holiday called Family Day in February. In 2008, my wife was dealing with a sick family member out of town, and had come back for a visit.

We were trying to have a child at the time. Well, with our crazy schedules, we had one chance and it was on Family Day.

The moment we were done, I jumped up, gave her the double thumbs up (first time in my life) and said, ‘Bam! You’re pregnant.

Twin girls, red hair.’ Turns out I got everything right except the hair, her Italian genes beat me in that one.

I win for our entire marriage with that prediction.”

2. Lost And Never Found

“In college, I went to a theme park with my boyfriend, right before I moved away to California. He has really bad eyesight and had just gotten brand new glasses, I believe they were very expensive. As we’re going up the stairs in line for a roller coaster, I said, ‘Hey, why don’t you give me your glasses and I’ll stick them in my purse.’

He said, ‘Nah, it’ll be fine.’

And I said, ‘Are you sure? You’re making an expensive bet where if you win you just get to keep what you already have.’

And he said, ‘The forward momentum of the roller coaster will keep them on my face.’ So I thought, he’s an adult, whatever.

Literally first drop of the roller coaster I hear him yell over the roar of the wind, ‘DO YOU HAVE MY GLASSES???’ so we spent the next hour walking around the base of the roller coaster looking for them and leaving a report at the lost and found booth.

I then had to drive us home in his SUV, which I had never driven before, because I did not want him navigating blind.”

1. Blame Canada!

“When I was 19, my girlfriend and I, along with another friend of ours, took a road trip up to Toronto to visit a friend of ours who lived there during the summer. It was my first time leaving the United States since I came here when I was 3 years old, so I was excited.

We were there to see our friend but we had also heard that in Toronto they have these ‘novelty ID’ shops where you could get a fake ID from a U.S.

state. She was starting college in a few months, and I would be joining her the next semester, so we wanted to have fake IDs to be able to buy for ourselves.

We went into the city one day and found one of these shops. It was pretty crazy, they had a whole book of sample IDs featuring every state and also some other random novelty IDs. We heard from someone that Michigan was the one that looked the realest, so we made ours from there.

We paid them they gave us a form where we basically filled in all the info except an address. I told my girlfriend to make sure she got the year right, since she could be absent-minded sometimes and she said, ‘Yeah, yeah I got it, make sure you got your’s right.’

They took a picture for the ID and then handed me a Michigan State hoodie. Part of the cost included a second form of ID, in this case a college ID, and by wearing the hoodie it gave the illusion that the pictures were taken on different days.

After a short wait we had our two IDs and were set to be able to buy back in the US.

We get in the car and are about to drive back to our friend’s house. I ask my girlfriend to see her ID because I wanted to see if her address was the same as mine or if they used random ones. As I’m looking at her ID I notice that the year on hers is wrong. I told her, ‘Babe, you got the year wrong. This says you’re 20, not 21.’

She laughed and said, no it doesn’t, and grabbed the ID from me. She stared at the ID for a few seconds and then her smile turned into a scowl. She didn’t say another word for the rest of the ride back and I was trying so hard to hold back my laughter because I knew something like that was gonna happen.”

Got a moment or situation like this that you totally called? Ever get that nagging, gut feeling?

Well, you know what to do, right?

Share your story in the comments!

The post People Share the Times Their Gut Feelings Turned out to Be All Too True appeared first on UberFacts.

14 Times Parents Gave Babysitters Really Weird Rules to Follow

Babysitting can be a weird job. For many teens, it’s their first job, and it’s actually incredibly important. Taking care of somebody’s kids is not a small job… so why is the pay often less-than-spectacular?

Add on to that the fact that parents often leave lengthy lists for babysitters, covering things like feeding times and routines and screen time. Sometimes parents are a little over the top, though. These 15 babysitters told reddit the strangest rules parents gave them:

1. Severe allergy

Not necessarily a rule but the first time I went to their house they told me about their daughter’s very serious peanut allergy, walked me through the epi pen, prevention, phone numbers of their neighbors who were doctors- all fine so far. I took this very seriously. But then the mother put her hands on my shoulders and said “if she dies we wouldn’t blame you. It wouldn’t be your fault”. While I appreciate the thought this freaked me the hell out and I was 100 times less comfortable

2. Seems sketchy

The mom had me put her kids in their car seats and sit in the driveway with all the car doors open while she just hung out inside the house. 5 hours of me standing in the driveway watching them sit inside their car. Never returned.

Edit: I meant I never returned to babysit for her again, not that the mother mysteriously disappeared.

As for people asking why I didn’t take them somewhere, she specifically asked me to just sit in the driveway with them. I also didn’t have my drivers license yet so I couldn’t have taken them anywhere even if I wanted to. The kids were twins who were 4 years old, I think. They were weirdly, weirdly well behaved and didn’t complain about what we were doing. To this day I have no idea what she was doing inside or why she didn’t just let them play in the yard. I am just as confused as you.

3. Still in diapers at 6?

I had to change the kids cloth diaper every 2 hours on the dot. The kid was 6. I assumed it was for some sort of disability or something, but no. His parents just didn’t want to potty train him, and the kid was content with being babied. I remember just making the kid put his own diaper on and encouraged him to use the bathroom if he had to go. I never went back.

4. Bribery works

On the opposite end of the spectrum, The family gave me instructions to let their kids drink chocolate milk, which they were otherwise not allowed to have. I think they wanted their kids to associate baby sitter time with fun time, so the parents could go out more often. Seemed to work out well for them, the kids both grew up to be successful people.

5. Uh, no

Asked me to drive their three year old twins around in my personal vehicle for 2.5 hours because “that’s the only way they can nap”.

No. I simply put the kids in their beds, closed the door, and they were asleep in 15 minutes.

6. A bottle?

To give him warm milk in a baby bottle right after every dinner – he was a fully functional 10 year old boy.

Edit: To answer some of the quesions: Yes, he was fine with it; His parents were otherwise normal (as far as I saw), the kid himself was great; His teeth seemed fine from what I can remember (not that I really would have paid attention to that back then), but I just found him on facebook and it looks like he did have braces around 14-15 years old

7. Sleepy CD

I had to put the kids to sleep with the CD player going. That wasn’t the weird part.

It was a recording of their parents basically going “Molly, you are wonderful. You are a star. You’re going to shine bright.” That isn’t super weird…But it was like several hours long, and apparently they listened to it every night.

8. Let him out

“If Brady stands by the door it just means he needs to go out. Open the door, and let him back inside in a few minutes.”

Brady was a four year old boy.

9. No Fleetwood Mac

OMG thanks for asking because you reminded me of a weird thing.

The 3 year old daughter HAD to watch this vhs tape of a live Fleetwood Mac concert before bed.

I was like, okay cute , that’s adorable, 3 year olds love the weirdest things she’s so quirky and this will be fun.

But she didn’t love it. She always wanted to watch land before time instead. But it was always on the note left for me. Like /pager number, pediatrician, chicken soup for dinner is in fridge and, and WATCH FLEETWOOD MAC at 630 before bed/

Obviously the family eventually found out I wasn’t making her watch it, as I had no fucking reason to believe it was a secret. They were clearly upset by this and I was never called back to babysit.

So that was weird…

10. A stomach of steel

No hot sauce after 9pm.

Edit: To give some context, the kid LOVED hot sauce…but his folks were super over protective…maybe they had heard of ppl eating too much hot sauce an throwing it up as it would not settle?

Honestly the kid was made of solid steel…we went to Taco Bell pretty much every time I babysat.

11. This is a test

Wasn’t a rule, but on my first day they sent over an adult male friend of theirs who asked to come in. I said no, and was then told I was being tested and I had passed.

12. Not staying for a home birth

Hippy family. The two year old had no bedtime and no rules. “She can eat what she wants, no bedtime, and if she falls asleep, leave her wherever she crashed.” The parents came home at 2:30 to a toddler eating chocolate cake on the couch with her preferred American Pickers on tv. That’s fine apparently.

6 months later the mom is very pregnant and asks that when the baby is born, if I could wrangle the toddler while the mom gives birth in a bathtub at home. The two year old was to be in the room, watching, while I explain what’s happening. I left that evening when the parents came home (fried chicken in the toddlers hand, Keeping Up with the Kardashians on tv) and denied their next request to come sit. As a 20 year old, I wasn’t prepared to see the mess of someone else’s home birth!

13. Seems oddly specific

I was told that the only thing she specifically wasn’t allowed to do was eat a bowl of sugar

14. I heard you the first time

I used to babysit for this family when I was in high school (in the 80s) and they had no books or reading material of any kind, except that there would usually be like two sections of the WSJ and a running magazine lying around. No. Books.

Anyway, once I went over there and the mom told me like nine times, BEGGED ME, not to eat the box of ‘Nilla Wafers that was in the cupboard because she needed them for a recipe the next day. BEGGED. I was like, “Ok, got it. They’re totally safe because I don’t even like vanilla wafers!” She kept mentioning it, and it was the first thing she asked me about when they got home.

The post 14 Times Parents Gave Babysitters Really Weird Rules to Follow appeared first on UberFacts.

Women Will Probably Enjoy These “Men Have an Underdeveloped Frontal Lobe” Tweets

Guys are…not the smarter sex. We’re rude, crude, ignorant, and we should thank our lucky stars that the ladies put up with us at all.

This is especially true when we’re younger. But who am I kidding, a lot of us never grow up and our frontal lobes never fully develop like they’re supposed to by age 25.

What I’m trying to say is that we’re children.

Ladies, these tweets are for you.

1. Don’t hold your breath.

2. A long, long wait.

3. That’s being very generous.

4. Drop the zero, get with the hero.

5. It’s not my fault.

6. Might never happen.

7. Might not even happen then…

8. Wow. There’s that.

9. That’s your excuse?

10. Wish it was a better movie.

11. Times are tough.

12. Just like babies!

13. The ladies have it pretty rough.

C’mon guys, let’s get it together, okay?

Ladies, I apologize for all of us…

The post Women Will Probably Enjoy These “Men Have an Underdeveloped Frontal Lobe” Tweets appeared first on UberFacts.

A Mom’s Story About Poop on a Playground Slide Might Make You Reconsider Having Kids

This is one parenting story that you hopefully won’t relate to too much…

Brittany Berry, mother of three, shared this viral story on Facebook. It’s a disgusting one, but she decided to tell it anyway — “if only to serve as birth control for the younger generation.”

It all started when Brittany went for a run and took her children to the playground one weekend. She was sitting at a picnic table and catching her breath after her run when her daughter Sadie approaches her with wet shorts. Brittany assumed that Sadie had peed her pants, and thought, “No big deal.”

Upon a closer look, she realized — nope, that was poop, not pee. Still, NBD, poopy diapers are standard mom stuff.

“Then I start to change her and realize it’s a poop-trophe,” she wrote. “I’m talking on of them poops you usually see in a newborn, where it’s all up then back and down their legs and you contemplate just throwing the whole baby away.”

Posted by Brittany Nichole Berry on Monday, September 30, 2019

STILL, that wasn’t the horrible part. The horrible part came when Brittany realized that she didn’t have nearly enough baby wipes to deal with the situation.

“This isn’t a four wipe kind of poop it’s pressure washer or open fire hydrant kind of poop,” she wrote.

She went to her van to search for more, and that’s when it happened.

Posted by Brittany Nichole Berry on Monday, September 30, 2019

Brittany heard “that painful SQQQUUUEEEAAAKKKKK of skin getting stuck to a plastic slide on the way down. I look up and yes, of course, it’s Sadie. She’s going down the slide, butt naked, COVERED in poop, leaving a long skid mark of poop allllllll the way down on her way.”

Posted by Brittany Nichole Berry on Monday, September 30, 2019

Brittany had to rush home to grab a mountain of Clorox wipes to clean what she called her kid’s “slug trail” of poop off of the slide. Cleaning a slide without actually sliding down it is very difficult. Brittany eventually opted to just slide down and clean as she went.

“This was not easy. I did not look elegant or attractive, I’m sure. I’m 254lbs of sweaty fat flopping around this children’s slide like a fish out of water.”

Finally, Brittany was satisfied with her cleaning job and turned to go home — only to realize that her shirt was absolutely covered in poop. She threw the shirt away and drove home in her bra.

Posted by Brittany Nichole Berry on Monday, September 30, 2019

Her moral of the story?

“Always bring extra wipes, extra clothes, extra blankets, extra everything! Don’t clean out your car, ever. And if you aren’t mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to roll around in another person’s feces… use a condom.”

Here’s the whole thing for you…

I’ve debated on sharing this, just because it’s so embarrassing and I failed as a mother on so many different levels….

Posted by Brittany Nichole Berry on Monday, September 30, 2019

Horrifying?

Yes. Definitely yes.

The post A Mom’s Story About Poop on a Playground Slide Might Make You Reconsider Having Kids appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Hotel Housekeepers That Have Seen Some, Um, Interesting Things

Anyone who has worked or does work in the service industry has some pretty amazing stories to tell. Working with the public is just that way, because people are people and some days, dealing with them is really a lot.

So, if you dare, scroll through the self-confessed weirdest discoveries of these 15 hotel staff members.

15. The motor. Was burned. Out.

OH I GOT one. I was a night auditor though.

This one starts out benign enough, my NA shift starts, and I have a small line. It’s Saturday and we’re near a couple of casinos, not unusual. A very polite man checks in, and rents a top level suite for him and his wife. I get him in and start checking in the next couple. Being distracted, I barely noticed the previous couple come back in, only that the wife was partially obscured by the luggage cart and I remember thinking to myself, “that’s an ugly woman.” The night is quiet and I leave. I come in the next night to hear what unfolded after I left. The couple never came back down to check out, and have not been seen since. When housekeeping entered the room they immediately alert the FDM. Every surface of the room is covered in lube, the bed, the couch, the jacuzzi, even the minifridge is covered in bottles and bottle of lube and baby oil. We know for sure it’s lube, because a dozen bottles are left in the tub. But wait, there’s more! In addition to the lube, there is a rather large horse dildo left behind with thick black scuff marks, and cracked down the center. My FDM, in her infinite wisdom, decides that they must have been junkies and this dildo is where they are hiding their needles. She decides to pick it up to open it “safety” reasons, but when she does, all that falls out is a rather impressive motor that has been burned out.

The icing on this cake comes when they review the security tape. The “wife” is clearly a man in a wig. It’s a big burly dude wearing a cheap wig.

14. I’m going to go ahead and blame it on the booze.

I walked in on a couple sleeping on the bathroom floor of a hotel room in the hotel I work for. The bed was untouched and everything was normal with that one exception.

13. I bet you didn’t feel like you had to leave a tip.

We had a hotel room one time and checked in around 3-4 ish (can’t remember what hotel it was). When we walked in one of the housekeepers was asleep in the chair, apparently had taken a rest and checked out, for who knows how long. We woke her up when we came in the room. She was very apologetic and took her cart and stuff with her right away. We never said anything to the staff or saw her again, the room was all clean and set up so nothing to complain about.

12. This is very curious.

Cleaned a room that contained both a deck of Uno cards and a knock-off deck of Ono cards

11. That IS a hasty retreat.

This couple made a hasty retreat from a five star hotel I was working for. They left an entire brick of cocaine on the bathroom counter.

10. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

I worked as a Concierge for an upscale hotel so, naturally, because there wasn’t a line for my desk, I fielded complaints regularly. One day a woman, very nice and patient (rare) calmly explained to me that her five year old opened the door to their bathroom and there was a housekeeper pooping in there. The housekeeper and the boy screamed so loudly that I had already gotten noise complaints from the adjacent rooms. Needless to say, that family got a free night and an upgrade.

(Edit: GOLD??? You all made my day!)

9. What on earth was he DOING in there?

Hotel worker.

Had an American guy come into our hotel, meant to be staying for 3 days. Went into his room and never left the room in over 2 weeks (he kept phoning down to extend his stay).

The strange thing was, he had the same routine every day. Around 8am, he would order 8 bottles of beer and 20 cigarettes to be sent up to his room. He’d sign the cheque off to his room for the beers but had to pay cash for the cigarettes as they came from the hotel shop, which wasn’t owned by the hotel therefore wasn’t able to charge to the room. The cigarettes came to around £11, and he would always give us a £20 note and told us to keep the change.

Lunchtime rolls around, and again, 8 bottles of beer, and 20 cigarettes.

Come dinner time, again, another 8 beers, but 40 cigarettes this time (assuming to keep a stock of when the shop closed at night time).

This happened every day he was staying with us. No one ever saw him leave the hotel, so assumed he had a stack of £20 notes to pay for his cigarettes. He also instructed housekeeping not to clean his room.

When he eventually left, the maid was greeted with hundreds of empty beer bottles, the bin was half full with cigarette ends and ash, and the room was left remarkably clean, albeit smelling awful.

We tried to research the guy, but could only find he was part of an American broadcasting company (it was a long time ago and can’t remember), so assumed he was over here to lie low.

He checked out, paid off his bill (didn’t even bother to check the bill), into a taxi and never to be seen again.

8. You may never know why exactly people do the things that they do.

I stayed at a hotel that hosted a Magic The Gathering tournament (was visiting Atlantic City, only realized what it was as I played magic a decade ago). In the morning as I was leaving a housekeeper had a room opening and cleaning; he stops me and says “wtf is this? Is it worth money?” I look in and someone has filled the bathtub nearly to the brim with lands/commons.

7. He REALLY didn’t want to leave the machine.

I worked in a casino where I watched a middle aged man literally shake a solid turd down his pant leg, sit back down and continued on his machine. I turned around with backpack vacuum on and went to my lunch break. I didn’t get paid enough to pick up stranger’s shit.

6. Are you sure that wasn’t part of their sales pitch?

This is related but not exactly the question. When my wife and I were looking at wedding venues, one we went to was a hotel. The event manager wanted to take us up and show us the “honeymoon” suite.

She opened the door, and there were two, old men (like 60s-70s), shirtless drinking vodka in the room. She was so extremely embarrassed and apologetic. She was very sweet too, but you could tell she was so mad at whoever screwed that up for her.

We didn’t choose the place (wasn’t why), but I hadn’t thought about that in awhile, and figured someone else may get a kick out of it.

5. That’s a lot of vitamin C.

I worked for a hotel chain in Colorado and one day my coworker and I went to strip a bed and the bed was full of oranges. The dresser oranges. Side table, cans of mandarin oranges. Not exactly shocking or disgusting, but it was weird.

4. He had to know that you noticed.

Not a housekeeper but I was a bartender at a Marriot hotel years ago. Along with regular bartending duties, I also delivered bar orders as part of room service. One night I received a typical order (Wine, beer) from a room that called down to the bar. I brought the drinks to the room and was greeted by an early 50’s man wearing a white robe. He greeted me and asked me to place the drinks on a dresser fairly close to door. As I went to place the drinks down I noticed the bed had between 10-13 dildos laid out neatly along the foot of the bed. The sizes ranged from normal to horse. They were evenly spaced and all facing towards the headboard.

While he was signing I made my way to the door and as soon as he handed me the book I smiled and said “thank you, have a great night! He just smiled and that was it, 0% acknowledgement on his end.

3. I mean why didn’t they take it with them, though?

Worked housekeeping for a few weeks, guess the weirdest shit was a 70 ish couple left their room so I went to clean it. Big bottle of ky and a dildo so big even Ron Jeremy would have been jealous left out on the bed.

2. Yeah that is never okay.

Someone I know worked housekeeping at a casino. He walked in on a guy smearing shit over the walls with his bare hands. He was pissed that he lost money and thought he was justified to do it. Housekeeping called security, he was charged and banned.

1. Yes, I’m sure they “disposed of it” alright.

In the late 90’s I had a roommate who managed a hotel in Manhattan. He came home one night and told me they found a 3 foot Nitrous tank in one of the rooms. They disposed of it personally. These days they would probably call the bomb squad.

Kind of makes you want to bring your own tiny house everywhere you go, doesn’t it?

Have you got a great customer service story? Share it with us in the comments!

The post 15 Hotel Housekeepers That Have Seen Some, Um, Interesting Things appeared first on UberFacts.

15 Hotel Housekeepers That Have Seen Some, Um, Interesting Things

Anyone who has worked or does work in the service industry has some pretty amazing stories to tell. Working with the public is just that way, because people are people and some days, dealing with them is really a lot.

So, if you dare, scroll through the self-confessed weirdest discoveries of these 15 hotel staff members.

15. The motor. Was burned. Out.

OH I GOT one. I was a night auditor though.

This one starts out benign enough, my NA shift starts, and I have a small line. It’s Saturday and we’re near a couple of casinos, not unusual. A very polite man checks in, and rents a top level suite for him and his wife. I get him in and start checking in the next couple. Being distracted, I barely noticed the previous couple come back in, only that the wife was partially obscured by the luggage cart and I remember thinking to myself, “that’s an ugly woman.” The night is quiet and I leave. I come in the next night to hear what unfolded after I left. The couple never came back down to check out, and have not been seen since. When housekeeping entered the room they immediately alert the FDM. Every surface of the room is covered in lube, the bed, the couch, the jacuzzi, even the minifridge is covered in bottles and bottle of lube and baby oil. We know for sure it’s lube, because a dozen bottles are left in the tub. But wait, there’s more! In addition to the lube, there is a rather large horse dildo left behind with thick black scuff marks, and cracked down the center. My FDM, in her infinite wisdom, decides that they must have been junkies and this dildo is where they are hiding their needles. She decides to pick it up to open it “safety” reasons, but when she does, all that falls out is a rather impressive motor that has been burned out.

The icing on this cake comes when they review the security tape. The “wife” is clearly a man in a wig. It’s a big burly dude wearing a cheap wig.

14. I’m going to go ahead and blame it on the booze.

I walked in on a couple sleeping on the bathroom floor of a hotel room in the hotel I work for. The bed was untouched and everything was normal with that one exception.

13. I bet you didn’t feel like you had to leave a tip.

We had a hotel room one time and checked in around 3-4 ish (can’t remember what hotel it was). When we walked in one of the housekeepers was asleep in the chair, apparently had taken a rest and checked out, for who knows how long. We woke her up when we came in the room. She was very apologetic and took her cart and stuff with her right away. We never said anything to the staff or saw her again, the room was all clean and set up so nothing to complain about.

12. This is very curious.

Cleaned a room that contained both a deck of Uno cards and a knock-off deck of Ono cards

11. That IS a hasty retreat.

This couple made a hasty retreat from a five star hotel I was working for. They left an entire brick of cocaine on the bathroom counter.

10. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

I worked as a Concierge for an upscale hotel so, naturally, because there wasn’t a line for my desk, I fielded complaints regularly. One day a woman, very nice and patient (rare) calmly explained to me that her five year old opened the door to their bathroom and there was a housekeeper pooping in there. The housekeeper and the boy screamed so loudly that I had already gotten noise complaints from the adjacent rooms. Needless to say, that family got a free night and an upgrade.

(Edit: GOLD??? You all made my day!)

9. What on earth was he DOING in there?

Hotel worker.

Had an American guy come into our hotel, meant to be staying for 3 days. Went into his room and never left the room in over 2 weeks (he kept phoning down to extend his stay).

The strange thing was, he had the same routine every day. Around 8am, he would order 8 bottles of beer and 20 cigarettes to be sent up to his room. He’d sign the cheque off to his room for the beers but had to pay cash for the cigarettes as they came from the hotel shop, which wasn’t owned by the hotel therefore wasn’t able to charge to the room. The cigarettes came to around £11, and he would always give us a £20 note and told us to keep the change.

Lunchtime rolls around, and again, 8 bottles of beer, and 20 cigarettes.

Come dinner time, again, another 8 beers, but 40 cigarettes this time (assuming to keep a stock of when the shop closed at night time).

This happened every day he was staying with us. No one ever saw him leave the hotel, so assumed he had a stack of £20 notes to pay for his cigarettes. He also instructed housekeeping not to clean his room.

When he eventually left, the maid was greeted with hundreds of empty beer bottles, the bin was half full with cigarette ends and ash, and the room was left remarkably clean, albeit smelling awful.

We tried to research the guy, but could only find he was part of an American broadcasting company (it was a long time ago and can’t remember), so assumed he was over here to lie low.

He checked out, paid off his bill (didn’t even bother to check the bill), into a taxi and never to be seen again.

8. You may never know why exactly people do the things that they do.

I stayed at a hotel that hosted a Magic The Gathering tournament (was visiting Atlantic City, only realized what it was as I played magic a decade ago). In the morning as I was leaving a housekeeper had a room opening and cleaning; he stops me and says “wtf is this? Is it worth money?” I look in and someone has filled the bathtub nearly to the brim with lands/commons.

7. He REALLY didn’t want to leave the machine.

I worked in a casino where I watched a middle aged man literally shake a solid turd down his pant leg, sit back down and continued on his machine. I turned around with backpack vacuum on and went to my lunch break. I didn’t get paid enough to pick up stranger’s shit.

6. Are you sure that wasn’t part of their sales pitch?

This is related but not exactly the question. When my wife and I were looking at wedding venues, one we went to was a hotel. The event manager wanted to take us up and show us the “honeymoon” suite.

She opened the door, and there were two, old men (like 60s-70s), shirtless drinking vodka in the room. She was so extremely embarrassed and apologetic. She was very sweet too, but you could tell she was so mad at whoever screwed that up for her.

We didn’t choose the place (wasn’t why), but I hadn’t thought about that in awhile, and figured someone else may get a kick out of it.

5. That’s a lot of vitamin C.

I worked for a hotel chain in Colorado and one day my coworker and I went to strip a bed and the bed was full of oranges. The dresser oranges. Side table, cans of mandarin oranges. Not exactly shocking or disgusting, but it was weird.

4. He had to know that you noticed.

Not a housekeeper but I was a bartender at a Marriot hotel years ago. Along with regular bartending duties, I also delivered bar orders as part of room service. One night I received a typical order (Wine, beer) from a room that called down to the bar. I brought the drinks to the room and was greeted by an early 50’s man wearing a white robe. He greeted me and asked me to place the drinks on a dresser fairly close to door. As I went to place the drinks down I noticed the bed had between 10-13 dildos laid out neatly along the foot of the bed. The sizes ranged from normal to horse. They were evenly spaced and all facing towards the headboard.

While he was signing I made my way to the door and as soon as he handed me the book I smiled and said “thank you, have a great night! He just smiled and that was it, 0% acknowledgement on his end.

3. I mean why didn’t they take it with them, though?

Worked housekeeping for a few weeks, guess the weirdest shit was a 70 ish couple left their room so I went to clean it. Big bottle of ky and a dildo so big even Ron Jeremy would have been jealous left out on the bed.

2. Yeah that is never okay.

Someone I know worked housekeeping at a casino. He walked in on a guy smearing shit over the walls with his bare hands. He was pissed that he lost money and thought he was justified to do it. Housekeeping called security, he was charged and banned.

1. Yes, I’m sure they “disposed of it” alright.

In the late 90’s I had a roommate who managed a hotel in Manhattan. He came home one night and told me they found a 3 foot Nitrous tank in one of the rooms. They disposed of it personally. These days they would probably call the bomb squad.

Kind of makes you want to bring your own tiny house everywhere you go, doesn’t it?

Have you got a great customer service story? Share it with us in the comments!

The post 15 Hotel Housekeepers That Have Seen Some, Um, Interesting Things appeared first on UberFacts.

These Students All Have Very Cool Teachers

I had some teachers I didn’t like too much when I was growing up, but the really, really awesome ones definitely made up for it.

And these students have some real gems right here. These teachers all seem pretty great.

Let’s just hope the students appreciate them!

1. I like their style.

History professor teaches about the first man in space. from funny

2. Don’t be stupid.

A little wisdom from my Physics professor from funny

3. He’s a true wizard.

Our professor wears his hat and cape every time he conducts an experiment from funny

4. This is pretty cool.

George Fox University’s iMac Box Wheel

5. You better be quiet.

Genius teacher from funny

6. The substitute cat is here.

My teacher is the greatest from wholesomememes

7. One of the good ones.

“My face physically hurts from smiling so much today, I love teaching you guys” -my professor, who’s such a good soul from MadeMeSmile

8. This guy is awesome.

9. Follow the face.

My teacher raises a picture of his own face to make sure no student is lost during the fire drill. from mildlyinteresting

10. Better have a good argument.

All set for my meeting with the student that missed more than 30 classes this semester and emailed me to set up an appointment to talk about his grade.

Posted by David Red on Tuesday, April 24, 2018

11. Please act accordingly.

Spotted in the window of a biology professor office at a community college. from funny

12. Algebra is cool, bro!

The coolest math teacher in town from pics

13. “It’s in the syllabus!”

Frustrated with the same old questions, my profeesor ripped off his shirt in the middle of lecture from funny

14. Just go with it.

15. We have a winner!

My professor gave me a present today.. from funny

Let’s give it up for all the teachers out there!

They do their best every single day and put up with a ton of BS from kids and parents. Bravo!

The post These Students All Have Very Cool Teachers appeared first on UberFacts.