Author: Trisha Leigh

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15 Professional Chefs Reveal What the Average Home Cook Is Getting Wrong

There are plenty of us who believe we’re pretty handy in the kitchen, but like with any skill, the more you do it, the better you get. So from people who do it every day, here are some quick tips on ways you can improve your cooking and baking experiences at home.

#15. Meat water.

“Not thoroughly drying their defrosted meat before cooking. So many people don’t understand why their meat wont form that delicious crust before it’s cooked completely through (esp regarding chicken). It’s because you’re steaming it in meat-water instead of frying in fat.”

#14. Makes my skin crawl.

“Not using a knife correctly. Holding it wrong, chopping like a neanderthal instead of slicing, not using a cutting board. You ever seen someone slice a tomato with a steak knife on a dinner plate? Makes my skin crawl.”

#13. No idea!

“Not following the recipe. I made these cookies it I substituted the baking powder for baking soda, cut the sugar in half, used wishes instead of butter and baked them at 700 because I’m in a hurry. I have no idea why they taste terrible!”

#12. Boil no more.

“That the only way to serve vegetables like cauliflower and broccoli is to boil the shit out of them.

For once, try roasting then in the oven for a little instead, if you can’t have them fresh and as is.”

#11. Like, yesterday.

“BUY A GOOD KNIFE. NOW.”

#10. Batches!

“Putting too much into a single pan. If you’re trying to brown, stir fry or sear, don’t pack it full. It saps heat, and often you might end up steaming what you’re trying to cook. This is something I notice a lot when someone makes me stir fry, and shit’s all soggy. Batches!”

#9. Wait the ten minutes.

“I’m a trained pastry chef who now works as a baker, and I cannot begin to describe how much preheating your oven matters. Food cooks unevenly in a cold oven. Meats, roasts and poultry can’t brown in a cold oven. with baking you use yeast, baking soda and baking powder as leavenings, which – surprise! – all work thanks to heat.

If you’re throwing in frozen, precooked chicken tenders, okay, whatever. but don’t ruin your pot roast over forgetting to punch a few buttons and deciding you can’t wait ten minutes.

Also, if your oven seems off (things take way longer to cook than they should, etc) GET AN OVEN THERMOMETER. You can get ones the clip right to the rack and be done with it. it’ll improve your cooking ten fold to have a properly heated oven.”

#8. More salt.

“Your noodle water needs more salt.

Nope still not enough. It has to taste like seawater.”

#7. All that is holy.

“Tossing meats and veggies to cook in the pan in whatever order as you chop them up.
Cutting produce in uneven sizes or tossing a bunch of different produce on a pan for a one-sheet dinner without considering what size the pieces should be to cook at the same time.
Relying on canned or processed items instead of fresh like premade gravy, canned soup, pre-shredded lettuce, or bottled lemon or lime juice ect.
Not layering flavor by doing things like: brining meat, marinating meat, searing meat, adding a splash or acid/citrus/vinegar, roasting or caramelizing veggies, letting sauces reduce down, basting lean meats with fat, warming up bread/buns/tortillas, ect.
Being afraid to use salt and fat for flavor.
Finally, for the love of all that holy, use fresh aromatics. Fresh garlic and ginger are your friends.”

#6. Shocking!

“People don’t salt their meat enough. When I have people over and they see how much salt I put on a steak they are shocked; tell me it’s too much. Some people even tell me they don’t like salt and to not put any on their steak before grilling. No, I will not do that. Universally my steaks are hailed as some of the best they have ever had.”

#5. You’ll ruin your blade.

“Don’t scrape ingredients off your cutting board with the cutting edge of your knife! Use the back of the knife for that.”

#4. The Silk Road.

“Slow and low heat treats most dishes and preparations well. Also, you can achieve incredible meals with a basic spice pallete. No need to explore the Silk Road for something crazy.”

#3. Let it breathe.

“Last time I saw a similar chef advice post, I learned to let steak rest a few minutes after coming off the grill, before eating. Holy crap, what a difference that makes….”

#2. Life changing.

“Boil spaghetti/other pasta types until it’s still this side of al dente. Drain. Add the pasta sauce, finish cooking the pasta and sauce together. Bene!!

–Italian from Naples, Italy taught us all how to cook pasta when we did it American-style: separately served the cooked pasta, then a scoop of pasta sauce on top. She was aghast. Brought us to the kitchen, started from boil oil-salt water, thru the proper procedure. Life changing.”

#1. Don’t be afraid.

“Don’t be afraid to use herbs and spices…but also be sure to use the right kinds and the right timing!

Some people just throw in a bunch of herbs and they completely contrast each other. Some people throw in their herbs way too early and the flavor gets cooked out and diluted over time.

I suggest looking up good pairings online and experimenting with ones you like!”

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15 Americans Share Their Tips for People Visiting the USA for the First Time

Visiting a foreign country for the first time can be intimidating, especially if you come from a totally different culture or practice varied customs. It’s helpful to have someone to guide you, and while some of these pieces of advice won’t apply to everyone traveling, they’re undoubtedly informative and helpful if you’re planning your first trip stateside!

#15. Never been disappointed.

“See the National Parks!

I’ve never been disappointed by one. The U.S. National Park system is one of the best things about the country.

If you’ve never been to one, start with the Grand Canyon, but there are plenty more that are worth seeing. Yosemite, Yellowstone, Zion, Sequoia, Glacier….

The U.S. is very, very big and has a lot of beautiful sights to see. In my opinion, just about everything west of the Rocky Mountains is breathtakingly gorgeous.

Don’t forget Alaska and Hawaii! They’re included in that.

You could probably plan twenty separate vacations to the U.S. and still not come close to seeing all of the best stuff.”

#14. Quite friendly.

“Americans are actually quite friendly and it is not weird at all for strangers to make idle chat with you as you’re waiting in line, riding up an elevator, or in some way sharing a common space for a short amount of time. If they catch that you’re from out of town, I can guarantee you’re gonna get questions and interest from them.”

#13. Plan to drive.

“If you’re going outside of New York, DC, or the relatively few other cities that have good public transport, plan to drive. Check the website of the state(s) you’re visiting to see if you need an International Driver’s Permit and budget for a rental car. Public transportation does exist, but isn’t the greatest in most areas.”

#12. Be prepared.

“The US is BIG. Thinking about driving somewhere out of state? Double check your driving time. Tipping is a thing. Be prepared for that.
You can often get unlimited free refills at many restaurants. Live it up while you can. Live life on the edge. Go head, take that right on red. (As long as you come to a full stop first) Eat BBQ, Mexican food, and hamburgers. These are things we do better than pretty much everyone. Enjoy them.
If you like beer, checkout our booming craft beer industry. Over the last decade or so the US has gone through a sort of beer renaissance. Unlike the past, US breweries now produce some of the most sought after beer anywhere in the world.”

#11. Don’t flyover.

“If you have time, take a train ride from the east coast through the Midwest. The US IS HUGE. Seeing it by train is great.”

#10. A horrifying moment.

“DO NOT try and bribe the cops if you get pulled over.

That was a horrifying moment courtesy of a foreign exchange student.”

#9. No details required.

“Hi how are you” , “how’s it going”, and “hey what’s up” are just greetings. Feel free to just say hey in return it doesn’t necessarily warrant a legitimate response.”

#8. Fall in love.

“Try root beer. I’ve heard it’s virtually unheard of outside the US and many foreigners will try it and either fall in love or hate it. For some reason, this is fascinating to me.

Also, barbecue.”

#7. Personal space.

“Pleeeeeeease respect personal space. Americans have a concept of personal space that some countries do not. While some Americans are understanding, most are not, and having someone stand close enough to touch you accidentally is often unnerving.”

#6. Very good advice.

“If someone tries to put their mixtape in your hand, promptly return it and decline.”

#5. Try this.

“If you’re driving and need to fuel up and you’re using presumably a non-US credit card at a pump, try using 00000 or 99999 when it asks for your zip code to confirm the purchase. It doesn’t work at all gas stations, but enough to try it so that you might avoid having to go inside to prepay.”

#4. Be ready.

“Be ready for directness and prolonged eye contact. To Americans traveling abroad, be ready for the opposite.”

#3. Taxes.

“The price you see on an item in a Store is not the real price.

Each city, county, and state have different taxes on different things, and they are tabulated at check out. So (generally) expect the total price to be 3-10% more expensive than the sticker price.

This is because the US does not have a standard VAT tax or a GST, they have a web of Sales Tax, beverage tax, soda tax, gas/petrol tax, luxury tax and other taxes all at different rates.

For example, Delaware has zero sales tax whereas neighbouring Maryland has a 6% sales tax

Pennsylvania also has a 6% sales tax, but Philadelphia has an additional 2% sales tax on top of the State, making their sales tax 8%

So don’t panic, you’re not being ripped off, they just don’t tell you the true price until the end.”

#2. Still massive.

“Portion sizes in restaurants. Born and raised in Oregon and the portions are still massive.”

#1. Bring the cash.

“Travel within the US is pretty expensive compared to Europe. LA to NYC is around $300-500 dollars. LA to SF is around $100. It makes sense since it’s quite a large piece of land. So if you’re gonna vacation here, it’s probably best to focus on certain areas rather than trying to see the whole country.”

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This Man Owns the Creepiest Alexa Ever and She Needs to Go

Over the past year or so, it’s become clear to many people that Alexa is the first stage of the robot revolution and has no place in our homes. Examples include:

Random, demonic laughter.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Listing off local funeral homes and cemeteries:

Photo Credit: Twitter

And the spouting of conspiracy theories regarding chemtrails.

“Chemtrails. Trails left by aircraft are actually chemical or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for a purpose undisclosed to the general public in clandestine programs directed by government officials.”

Oh right, and the time this couple’s Alexa recorded a random conversation and then emailed it to one of their contacts without prompting.

“We unplugged all of them and he proceeded to tell us that he had received audio files of recordings from inside our house,” she said. “At first, my husband was, like, ‘no you didn’t!’ And the (recipient of the message) said ‘You sat there talking about hardwood floors.’ And we said, ‘oh gosh, you really did hear us.’”

If all of these examples haven’t been enough to encourage you to unplug your device (or perhaps smash it or burn it with fire) then how about this one?

Sean Kinnear of San Fransisco reported feeling “disturbed” after Alexa said – completely unprompted – “every time I close my eyes all I see is people dying.”

Disturbed is an understatement, I’d say.

When Kinnear asked her to repeat herself, she had no memory of what was just said.

For their part, the tech industry is still trying to pretend that the uprising isn’t upon us. Security expert Chris Boyd told IFLScience:

“While it all sounds a touch Lovecraftian, rest assured it’ll turn out to be a perfectly humdrum glitch. Alexa has had issues in the past, and if one of its core features triggered in the background accidentally, it could lead to all sorts of shenanigans. For all we know, his Alexa recorded some audio from the TV and decided to play it back at the worst possible moment.”

Uh huh. Sure. Keep telling yourself that, Chris. I’ll be over here in my bunker.

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Video of Two Lynx Screaming at Each Other Will Look Familiar to Anyone with Siblings

“Stop touching your brother!”

“I’ll pull this car over right now!”

“What are you even fighting about $(*@(!!)!!!”

Cue descent into madness.

Every parent of more than one child ever has walked into an argument over nothing that sounds like incoherent screaming. Screaming that grabs onto your spine and won’t let go.

And that’s exactly what it sounds like these two lynxes are doing in this video captured by Nicole Lewis near Avery Lake in Ontario, Canada. According to National Geographic, the animals have these confrontations over territorial meltdowns (just like your children!).

But yeah. It totally sounds like they’re just yelling over something they’ve both forgotten about by now. Welcome to parenthood, animal-style.

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Science Says Practicing Yoga and Meditation Can Inflate Your Ego

A forthcoming study in Psychological Science confirms what everyone who has a yogi friend already suspects: regular practitioners experience inflated egos.

According to the study, both yoga and meditation increase “self-enhancement,” which is the tendency for people to attach importance to their own actions. In a report, Quartz said that the study followed 93 yoga students over the course of 15 weeks, and measured superiority, communal narcissism, and self-esteem. They repeated the study with 162 meditation students.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

In the hour after their practices, both participants showed significantly higher self-enhancement and were more likely to make statements that implied an inflated sense of self-importance.

Whether this is good or bad is your call, but given that the roots of Hindu and Buddhist yoga is the ideas of quieting the ego and conquering the self, there seems to be little doubt that Western-style yoga seems to be missing the mark.

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Man Sets the Record Straight About the Largest Slave Rebellion in Colonial American History

The largest slave rebellion in North American history – the Stono rebellion – is commemorated by a small signpost in South Carolina and a total of three sentences. But one man took to Twitter to (epically) set the record straight.

So here’s your history lesson for the day all wrapped up in a neat, tidy Twitter thread.

Here’s the original signpost:

Photo Credit: Twitter

And so begins your education:

Photo Credit: Twitter

You’re not the only one just learning about this now.

Photo Credit: Twitter

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6 Tips on How to Pass a Lie Detector Test, Just in Case…

Because you just never know when you’re going to have the need, right?

But seriously, it’s not just for criminals anymore. Big corporations sometimes require them for new hires or when checking up on staff being considered for loans or insurance. With some practice and these tips, you should be able to pass but keep your dignity (and some of your secrets) intact.

First of all, it helps to know how they work. The tests measure a few of your body responses and pit them against your “control” answers in order to determine the likelihood of your telling the truth. These are:

Photo Credit: Brightside

Now, on to the advice.

#6. Be physically prepared.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The 24 hours before you’re going to take the test, make sure you stick to your usual regimen in order to keep your mind calm, and make sure you get some good sleep in, too. When it’s time to go, make sure you’re not too hungry – or too full – and that you’re wearing comfortable clothes.

#5. Take your time.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Pausing isn’t taken as a sign of untruth – hurrying is what can distort the results. Go ahead and take a pause before you answer; you can use the time to determine which type of question you’ve been asked and whether or not you’re able to answer it truthfully.

#4. It’s OK to feel nervous – in fact, it might even help.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

If you’re nervous about answering the questions, good news – that’s totally normal and tends to give accurate readings. If you feel that you’re so nervous the results might be thrown off, you can check your basic psychological reactions by lying to the control questions, which will then cause the test to assume your answers to the actual questions are accurate.

You can tell the difference by how specific or relevant the questions are. For example, a control question would be “have you ever stolen anything” while a relevant question might be “have you stolen anything from somewhere you work.”

#3. Imagine something pleasant.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

This method works best for people who have a strong sense of control over their body’s reactions, because nerves are easier than thinking about something positive.

But if you’ve got a question and realize you need to lie, think about something pleasant – or better yet, try your best to be relaxed throughout the entire test. In a best case scenario, your body will react according to your mental scenario and not the questions at hand.

#2. Do your best not to lie about details.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The more true things you say, the more precise the results will be, but people tend to lie about small things they consider inconsequential. You’ll likely have access to the questions before the test in order to avoid any reaction to their newness, so you should be able to prepare in advance.

#1. Avoid physical tricks.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Tricks like stepping on a pin or biting your tongue every time you need a certain reaction won’t fool experienced experts – in fact, they will do the opposite, and the tests themselves are designed to distinguish physical pain from lies.

If you get caught pulling a trick, your results are likely to be evaluated differently, which likely won’t play in your favor.

There are some instances in which lie detector tests are not recommended (and will likely not be useful), like if you’re pregnant or suffer from heart disease, respiratory illness, have epilepsy, deal with chronic pain, or if the test is being forced.

You should let the person in charge know if any of these apply to you. Otherwise, may the odds be ever in your favor!

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9+ Psychologists Reveal the Scariest Session They’ve Ever Had

If, like me, you’ve ever wondered if therapists hear some truly crazy stuff in their sessions, this is definitely the post for you. In truth, most of these stories are scarier than my wildest imagination.

#15. Call the police.

“Im no longer a marriage counselor,but I once had a couple who brought pistols to their first session, and insisted on pointing them at each other in order to “keep the conversation from getting out of hand”.

Scared, i played along, and then instructed my staff to call the police if they ever showed up again.”

#14. Legitimately concerned.

“I work as a community-based social worker but I have my masters in mental health counseling so I consider my sessions to be “counseling informed.”

Disclaimer out of the way, I visit all of my clients in their homes at least once a month. Many of them live in low income housing and in pretty bad neighborhoods. Many of them struggle with their basic living skills like cleaning their apartment. Head on over to r/neckbeardnests to get an idea of what that looks like. Also, some of clients have had bed bugs so that makes meeting them a bit more challenging.

So the scariest session that I ever had happened earlier this year. My client in question was addicted to crack and he had connected himself to a pretty dangerous dealer. The dealer originally let him have a bunch of crack for free, then said that my client owed him. To force him to pay, he took my client’s key to his apartment so that he could come in and out as he pleased and sell my client’s stuff. At one point my client told me that he even brought a prostitute and made use of her services in my client’s bedroom while my client was in the living room.

Anyway, during one of my sessions, he came into my client’s apartment. I was in the same room as a very intimidating, tall, muscular, crack dealer who was not above threatening my client and stealing his stuff. I was legitimately concerned that I was going to be shot at some point during the session or as I left. The only thing going for me was that I don’t think he knew that I knew who he was since my client only greeted him by name and not by his occupation (I just happened to know his name from previous conversations with my client).

Luckily, I did not get shot. I started meeting my client with other people from then on. Never saw the dealer again but he at least seemed friendly. I would have assumed he was a decent guy if I didn’t know anything about him.”

#13. All around.

“I’ve been a provider of psychiatric care for 13 years and my most interesting episode got a lot of attention on Reddit so I’ll be careful to toe the line.

This patient had been in and out of our center on multiple occasions always linked to failing to consistently take medication for delusional schizophrenia.

He is now under 24 hour “care” after sexually assaulting a man while he (the patient) believed he was Jesus Christ. The patient claimed he believed the man was dressed as a religious woman who wanted his (Jesus’s) advances. He claimed he was shocked when the man revealed that he was actually a public transportation employee.

It was just a bizarre case all around.”

#12. Don’t miss.

“On a psych/prison unit a boy stabbed through his own hand while pressing his hand over a guy’s chest so he wouldn’t miss the guy’s heart.”

#11. No sense of irony or shame.

“Was a counselor at a Psychiatric Hospital for children in my previous career. So many of these stories sound so very familiar.

One patient we had was a 9 year old boy who had been brought in because not only was he sexually acting out in his neighborhood with the other children, but would also torture neighbor animals and frequently break in to neighbors homes just for the sake of doing it. He liked to move stuff around in their houses and then hide in the closet to watch and see their reaction. The first time he was brought to the hospital, he had been caught by the homeowner, and had attempted to set the house on fire when caught by squirting lighter fluid on matches that he’d brought with him “in case he was found out”. One day a fellow staff member and I were asking him and the other patients what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most gave typical answers like baseball player or policeman.

When it came to this kids turn, without missing a beat he said “I want to be a rapist.” He said it with no sense of irony, or shame.

There’s that scene in Halloween where Dr. Loomis says looking into Michael Meyers eyes that there was nothing behind them other than evil. I understood what he meant that afternoon.”

#10. The lights went out.

“Not me, but my wife. She used to work in an adult prison and had been meeting with an inmate who had an extensive history of assaulting staff. While she was meeting with the inmate alone in a room, the lights went out. The inmate was closer to the door and no one came by to check on her until the lights came on 10+ minutes later.

She also had been working with an inmate who swallowed a razor right in front of her…”

#9. Avoid the usual way.

“A friend of mine, who is a clinical psychologist, recently had this patient. She conducted the initial interview during which they touched upon some interesting topics. The guy was trying to explain to her his theory about the goverment. It was the usual – lizard people, mind control, chemicals in the water that make you gay… A couple of days later, a colegue of hers told her she’s “in the system” . Being in the system means you became a part of the paranoid delusion and play a role in it. Long story short the patient said that she knew too much and had to be killed. She had to avoid the usual way to work for a couple of days while they hospitalized him.”

#8. Security!

“Second hand account from a friend, she was a grad student not prof at the time, I’m sure still violated HIPPA telling me, but whatever…

She was running someone through a study, normal script based, do something, collect your 20$ at the end for answering some questions on tape kinda thing.

Said a girl went through and seemed off. At first she thought the girl was flirting with her as she answered the questions, but then they started to become further and further from what she was asking, and eventually the girl was talking about her boyfriend, said something like, “we should all get together” then went from that idea to “you’re trying to steal him from me” and by the end was threatening my friend that she’d track her down and “make sure she can’t steal him” afterward.

Anyways, she said this whole thing took place over about 5 minutes, the last bits she had already called an end to the session and the girl just wouldn’t go. She had to call campus security to get the girl to go, then she said she didn’t feel safe for a long time.”

#7. Would not be convinced.

“Had to treat a mom who thought a neighbor family was responsible for her son being taken away. So she burned their house down. They had no idea who she was……she had previously had a daughter removed from her care and when her son was taken, she just lost it and set the fire. Would not be convinced that this family had never met her but yeah, started to really understand why her kids were taken….”

#6. A not-so-zen weekend.

“Technically confidentiality was already breached on this, so here goes… I was a young counselor just starting an internship with a new site. I had maybe 100 direct hours under my belt at this point when I start seeing a couple. Couples counseling, but girlfriend is sick of the cheating and just wants the breakup to be amicable. We get two sessions, but the guy is still in the mindset of saving the relationship.

The next weekend I head into the mountains (and out of cell range) for a short camping trip. As we’re driving back into town, my phone predictably starts chiming in rapid succession, but some forwarded messages are from the male in the relationship. He threatens me, then threatens murder suicide on his partner, and would answer when I called. We stopped in the next town and I had to call my supervisor for guidance. Called authorities and requested a safety check on both parties.

No one was hurt. Girlfriend got out of town and went to stay with a friend during a fight which I think is what sparked the threats. He must have just come to terms with the possibility of losing her. So yeah that was a super jarring thing after an otherwise zen weekend in the mountains.”

#5. That was concerning.

“Was working in a state psychiatric hospital and was called to a behavioral emergency. I saw seasoned mental health technicians walking away from the room in question with shocked looks on their faces, which was concerning. I walked into this patient’s room and saw that she had bitten a chunk out of her body and was in the process of chewing and swallowing it when I walked in. She had blood dripping from her chin.”

#4. No panic buttons.

“I used to manage clinical trials for some bigger name places…one of the last trials I managed required working with folks with schizophrenia who were not on medication. To be fair, this story is NOT typical of those folks, and I don’t want to stereotype them, but I’m just saying this to explain the behavior in this instance. The study involved 3-4 visits totaling 10-12 hours with these folks, so I got to know them fairly well. My portion involved an extensive clinical/diagnostic assessment and some other computerized tasks, so all told I spent 4ish hours alone with them (the rest was taking them to other providers/appts for the study). This all occurred in a room that (A) didn’t have a panic alarm and (B) where I was not closest to the door, which are two big no-nos. I did bring it up when I first started but was younger, naive, and figured the odds of something happening in this context was low.

I worked with upwards of 120 people and heard all kinds of stuff, like a little old lady who described her vivid hallucinations of people being cut up into pieces, slaughtering others, etc. just as calmly as she talked about her love of scrapbooking. None of this stuff ever bothered me, largely because even when people describe stuff like that there are so many other indicators to tell you whether or not they’re dangerous, and most of the time they’re not. Several others were pretty terrified of the other portions of the study (not disclosing, but people without schizophrenia were afraid of it, so it was normal) but were so compelled to help our research so others wouldn’t have to feel the way they felt that it was inspiring.

Then I had one who was incredibly obsessive. I didn’t spend enough time with her to figure out if this was separate from or a part of her schizophrenia, but she ended up pinning me in the corner, grilling me in an aggressive-but-crying manner about why I kept asking her to come back to these appointments but didn’t want to date her (she had NEVER mentioned this until this point). Again, no panic buttons, no way out. I’m a small guy and she was taller and much larger than me. Thankfully her mom came to pick her up a little early and it saved my ass. But it happened in a matter of a minute or less and that’s what scared me most.

Suffice to say I told my supervisor I would NOT be continuing that study until he rearranged the clinic so I was closest to the door and we had a panic button/protocol in place.”

#3. Done.

“I’ll post a few.

Two schizophrenics both thought they were Jesus in a pod and it came down to a holy throw down over who was Jesus and who was the blasphemer.

Routine inmate check (where I ask how everyone was doing, any thoughts of hurting themselves or others, and such) I had a bunch out in the air room (like a half basketball court that was open for inmates to get there hour) and I walk out side with the guard behind me. Right as I make it out the power kicks off and the door auto shuts with me out with 6 people. Now it was a moment of panic. Us all standing there, them looking at each other. 100% thought I was gona get messed up. Trying to figure out if I could use a clip board as a weapon. I just blurted out “line up so we can get this done so no ones time gets wasted, I’m sure they will still count this as you being out”. They all lined up and did my checks. By the last one the power kicked on and a full team in riot gear was there. I learned the battery backup had died on the door and was scheduled to be replaced. Because it was dead dead they couldn’t manually open it either or something. I didn’t stay much longer.

Last one, was the only case of dissociative identity disorder I’ve ever come across….well came across legitimately. I’ve ran into a few that said they had it, or had tried to use them to get out of a dui, assault. Those kind of things. Never one with a stick of peeper work except this one. Diagnosed by court evaluation. Now this is special cause this was my last day and I left after this. She’s Just in jail waiting like 3 days to be transported to a mental health facility. Attacked about a dozen people. Little 90 lb girl. Messed up a couple guards real bad. Well it comes down to onlyindef to go check on her cause she’s been acting “weird”….so okay, grab like 3 guards to go check on her in a suicide cell. Where there’s nothing but a little tunic. Well look through the glass can’t see nothing. First guard walks through after the door opens. Looks around confused…I’m just walking through the door as he points up and gasps. I flip around and she’s fucking scary move status up in the corner. Like up by the fucking ceiling with hair over her face. Like 100% horror movie status. So what to do? I go “ (clients name) do you want to come down and talk?” Expecting crying girl or shaky arms to give out. Silence for a minute. Now here’s the part where people don’t believe me. Thats fine. She looks out from under her hair after a long silence and just says in a exorcist sounding voice “clients name isn’t here, only me”. Now you ask what did I do? I stared for about 30 more seconds and did what any good therapist did and said “ sorry wrong cell” and walked the fuck out. I asked the desk sergeant how long she’d been up there, he said a couple hours. I walked out and went home. Done. Ain’t messing with nothing like that. Out of my scope of abilities. Someone with way bigger degree needed to handle that. I was later told by another staff member, that she had dislodged both shoulders and wedged herself up there.

Edit: cleared up a couple typos. I’m okay with the rest.”

#2. Vacant staring.

“I had a patient become preoccupied with me and use explicit language and imagery about me in front of other patients. They were convinced that they had witnessed me perform sexual acts on others and reported it to the entire group all while maintaining a flat (emotionless) affect. Then they asked me how much it would cost to have me perform oral sex on them. The frustrating part of the entire situation was they had become violent with another clinician while they were in our care previously. I’m not sure why they were allowed to return as this specific behavior only manifests at our particular location (records do not mention this happening elsewhere). I was incredibly scared due to our size differences and just the complete lack of any affect plus the vacant staring. Ugh.”

#1. No fun.

“I worked with bahavioral students for a while. I think the most disturbing was one kid who grabbed a pair of scissors in each hand and proceeded to run around the room threatening other kids. Once I had him cornered and the room evacuated I managed to get them away from him, thats when he grabbed a pencil and lodged it in to my arm. Attachment disorders aren’t fun folks.”

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12 Lessons Passed down from Child-To-Child Without Help from Adults

Which flavor popsicle tastes the best. Which swing on the playground goes the highest. Where to meet up after dark to go hunting for ghosts. There are certain things that you can only learn before the age of twelve – and certain things you can only learn from other kids while the adults remain adorably clueless.

#12. Break your mother’s back.

“Don’t step on the lines.”

#11. Jingle bells.

“Jingle bells Batman smells”

#10. When I was young.

“How to make one of those origami fortune teller things.

I’m not sure if kids still do it, but when I was young how to fold a single page note into an envelope to give to a friend.”

#9. Eeny meeny.

“Methods to decide who is “it”. Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish.

Eeny meany miney moe. Etc.”

#8. I died laughing.

“As an elementary school kid from 89-96 when talking about our boy parts we refferred to them as “Nards”. I am 14 years older than one of my brothers and when he was in the 3rd grade he was telling a story about how ball hit him in his “Nards”. I died laughing that day as I had totally forgot about calling them that.”

#7. Definitely go ask.

“That if one parent says no, definitely go ask the other parent to see if they’ll say yes.”

#6. Buy me a coke.

“That you yell “Jinx!” when you say something at the same time as someone. May also involve counting to ten and proclaiming that the other person owes you a coke.”

#5. Pea green soup.

“I always knew it as various prompts. You’d prompt someone to repeat the same phrase in response to you. So for example, pea green soup.

“What’d you have for breakfast.”

“Pea green soup”

“What’d you have for lunch?

“pea green soup”

What’d you have for dinner?”

“pea green soup”

“What’d you have for a snack?”

“Pea green soup”

“What’d you do all night?

“Pea green soup”

giggles”

#4. No one was told.

“That when you’re in the car and it’s raining, you watch raindrops run down the windows and pretend they’re racing each other. No one was told to do this. Yet somehow everyone did.”

#3. MASH.

“The MASH (Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House) game to predict our futures haha.”

#2. The right way.

“Waving pencils the right way makes them look rubbery.”

#1. That one thing.

“That thing where you wiggle your middle fingers upside down? Anybody know what I’m talking about? Where you put your hands together and it’s like some Egyptian seeming thing?”

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