Author: Matt Gilligan

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Enjoy These Times When Kids Renamed Everyday Items Perfectly

Kids have a certain way of hitting things right on the head, and sometimes they come up with words for objects that are way more apropos than the original.

Like these 19 times.

Honestly, you’re not going to be able to argue.

19. It matters not what time of year you see them.

18. Just don’t call it that when you’re talking to the dog.

17. I only go slowing.

16. That’s…poetic?

15. Bed skins wtf.

14. Even Rhinos will love this idea.

13. It makes perfect sense.

12. Well, why wouldn’t it?

Image Credit: Twitter

11. That’s exactly what it looks like!

Image Credit: Twitter

10. Like a flamingo, but evil.

9. Morbid, but not inaccurate.

8. Daddy needs to mow.

7. Always trying to dress up a fart.

6. That’s what Dr. Seuss would call it!

5. My kid says “last day.”

4. Pockets for cheese are okay by me!

3. If only that were a job, kid.

2. They might party in a way some animals don’t like, but…

1. I think that’s close to what they’re called in German.

It’s obviously time to let kids start naming everything!

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People Share Funny Self-Deprecating Jokes

Once in a while, you gotta take one for the team, as the saying goes.

And by that, I mean you have to make fun of yourself sometimes to get a good round of laughs. Maybe even humiliate yourself.

That’s exactly what these people did.

And we thank them…

1. Not that it’s benefiting me, exactly…

2. Go ahead and stop.

Highly relatable from suicidebywords

3. Not at all.

4. Me, too!

5. That about does it.

6. Here, here!

This suicide haunts me from suicidebywords

7. Just slowly fade away…

8. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

9. Just take a look.

Photo Credit: Reddit

10. Let’s dumb it down.

Photo Credit: Reddit

11. Not exactly thriving.

Photo Credit: Reddit

12. Already living it.

Photo Credit: Reddit

13. No chance of being found there.

Photo Credit: Reddit

14. No messages to speak of.

Photo Credit: Reddit

15. Photographic memory.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Put yourself down once in a while. In a fun way, I mean!

It’s good for you!

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Desperate Ways That Celebrities Have Tried to Stay Relevant

We live in the age of social media “influencers,” and it’s pretty easy for celebrities to figure out a way to make some extra cash off of their fame. If their initial careers peter out, there are plenty of solid back-up options.

And also, plenty of not so solid back-up options. Over the years, celebrities have resorted to all kinds of wacky antics to hold onto their dying fame.

On AskReddit, users shared the most desperate bid for fame that they’ve ever witnessed from fading celebrities. These stories are pretty bleak!

1. Remix albums.

“Vanilla ice putting out an album 5 years ago with 5 different versions of Ice Ice Baby.”

“He played at my college to promote that album.”

2. Infomercials.

“Infomercials. My favorite is Montell Williams selling blenders with special guest star Silvia Browne.”

“Shaq’s icy hot commercials are pretty funny.”

“Kevin Bacon’s commercials in the UK for EE. Impossible not to cringe every time they come on TV.”

3. Phone sex operator.

“When Octomom became a phone sex operator and did porn.”

“Lest we forget the time she ‘guest starred”‘on MTV’s Silent Library. She laid back on a gyno table with her feet in the stirrups and ‘shot’ plastic baby dolls at the contestants from her vag.”

4. Stage-bombing.

“Lil Mama getting on the stage when Jay-z & Alicia Keys were performing. Oh God!”

5. Under-attended concerts.

“Aaron Carter just performed a concert in my town for a crowd of a whopping fifty people.”

6. Farfetched lawsuits.

“Lindsey Lohan apparently suing Rockstar because of stuff in GTA 5. Claiming that they are using her as an image or something stupid.”

“Will.i.am suing Pharrell for saying “I am” in a song.”

7. Fake relationships.

“Farrah Abraham faking a relationship with James Deen.

8. Reality shows.

“When any “celebrity” does a “celebrity” reality show (ie Celebrity Diving Challenge, Dancing with the Stars, Celebrity Fit Club, Celebrity Rehab). It’s just so embarrassing.”

“David Hasselhoff’s reality show. Basically every reality show.”

9. Random sitcoms.

“Kristie Alley always seems to show up in a terrible new sitcom/commercial every other year. Just stop it already!”

“This most recent one seems exceedingly desperate. Especially with Michael Richards playing a seemingly Kramer type character and Rhea Perlman who hasn’t been seen since her divorce.”

10. Selling their stories.

“Mine would be seeing Lindsey lohan sell out her “recovery story” to Oprah.”

11. Talk shows.

“I think the Sarah Palin show. I live in Alaska and that shit was just embarrassing for this state.”

12. All things Kardashian.

“Anything anyone with the name Kardashian does.”

“If you really think about it, they were just a little bit famous because the Robert Kardashian (the dad) was OJ Simpson’s lawyer. Kim kept that fame by sleeping with Ray J, who was also clinging to fame behind his older sister Brandy. So really, the first thing Kim did in her career was something desperate to stay relevant.”

13. Plotting with paparazzi.

“I’ve read that Jennifer Love Hewitt will personally call some of the paparazzi, but act like it’s an anonymous call, to let them know where she will be so they can show up and photographer her.”

14. American Idol.

“Becoming a “judge” on American Idol.

Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez, Paula Abdul. People we haven’t heard anything out of in years join the show and release more shitty music.”

15. Sex tapes.

“Dustin Diamond aka Screech doing a sex tape and having a rap career, probably.”

“The Chyna sex tape is right up there.”

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This New Breed of Apple Stays Crisp for up to a Year

Apples are the perfect snack to have in the house – tart and tasty, they’re great for baking, in yogurt, or by themselves…until the day you go to grab that last apple and find that it’s mushy and overripe.

Well, science is thinking it can help make that disappointing moment a thing of the past with these new “Cosmic Crisp” apples.

The Washington-grown hybrid was bred at Washington State University and is a cross between Enterprise and Honeycrisp apples. Researchers began working on the patented breed in 1997, and now, over 20 years later, it’s officially ready to hit stores.

According to reports, the Cosmic Crisp apples resist bruising and browning better than any other kind of apple. It also has an extremely long storage life – to the tune of around six months in a regular fridge. In a suitably controlled atmosphere, the apples can stay nice and crisp up to a full year.

Which means that not only will you not have to deal with mushy, past-their-prime apples, you also could have in-season fruit pretty much any time of the year you’d like.

The long shelf life also means less waste in the long run, but what about taste?

Well, a 2012 report published by the American Society for Horticultural Science claims that a control group of consumers rated the Cosmic Crisp apple higher than Fuji in the categories of sweetness, sourness, flavor intensity, crispness, firmness, juiciness, and overall acceptance.

The creators even boast that, if you’re baking with the apple, you should be able to reduce the amount of sugar your recipe calls for.

If you’re curious, the whitish specks on the apple’s skin earned it its name – Cosmic – and allow the apple to exchange gases with its environment.

Isn’t science kind of a miracle all on its own? I certainly think so!

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These Tweets Might Just Turn Your Frown Upside down

We all need a little help now and then, and even though I am in no way encouraging you to smile if you don’t feel like it or telling you that you owe one single person a smile (you don’t), if YOU feel like you could use a laugh, well….here you go.

I’m just going to set these 13 tweets full of wholesome goodness right here and let you enjoy at your will.

13. Let me think. No.

12. This is your daily PSA about drinking too much and why it’s bad but also can be amusing.

11. Ladies, you know what he really wants.

10. Nothing to see here but AWWWW.

9. I don’t know about you, but I can relate to this.

8. When you’re just too good at making breakup playlists.

7. A George Costanza for the modern age. #doaleavebehind

6. “Dork a** losers” is officially my go-to now.

5. He identifies with Parker’s grandpa so much.

4. I think about this when I hand out papers but I still do it because THEY STICK OKAY.

3. I think this is Dakota’s official statement.

2. Pardon me I may have been mistaken.

1. It’s the decimal points that make the tweet.

Now that’s what I’m talking about – A+, internet!

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Check out the History of the “Shiny Brite” Christmas Ornament

I bet that your grandmother had box-loads of these beautiful, brightly colored and extremely fragile ornaments. You can also find them in antique and vintage stores, and, if you’re lucky, thrift stores. They’re called Shiny Brite, and the story behind them is rooted, surprisingly, in war.

Photo Credit: Public Domain

Shiny Brite originated with a German toymaker named Max Eckardt. Eckardt was born in 1890 in Oberlind, which was 20 miles away from the glass ornament hub of Lauscha. In 1926, he opened his first ornament company in Oberlind with his brother, Ernst. Presciently, they also opened an office in New York City, where Max emigrated in the late 20s.

In 1937, Eckardt foresaw a second world war on the horizon, and he feared he would no longer be able to import his glass ornaments from Germany. So he decided to open his own factory stateside. He called it the Shiny Brite Company because the insides of the balls were coated with silver nitrate, which kept them shiny and reflective.

That same year, Eckardt approached the Corning Glass Company. He told them Woolworth’s would buy a sizable amount of ornaments if their light bulb production machinery could be modified to make the glass balls. Corning was able to successfully produce the glass globes that Eckardt needed – and Woolworth’s very first order was for 235,0000.

Woolworth’s Five-and-Ten-Cent Stores started selling them in 1939 for up to ten cents each.

Eckerdt’s foresight paid off. By 1939, with Hitler in power and the British setting up blockades, glass ornaments from Germany were impossible to import.

Corning was making 300,000 Shiny Brite ornaments a day by 1940. They lined the balls with silver nitrate and coated them with lacquer before sending them out to the artists, including the ones at Eckerdt’s factory, for decorating. After the artists painted the silver balls in vibrant colors, they were packaged to be sold in their iconic brown and green boxes.

Over time, other designs emerged such as tops, bells and icicles.

While World War II waged overseas, Eckardt had to make some adjustments. Silver nitrate and lacquer became scarce, so the company had to paint directly onto clear glass. Metal caps and hooks were eliminated in favor of cardboard and yarn. And the tiny bits of tinsel inside some of the ornaments had to be taken out altogether.

Then, when the war finally ended, the U.S. government asked Eckhardt to go to West Germany and help rebuild the original ornament industry there.

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?”It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”? This is my favorite part of my Christmas decor, and this is part of my collection of vintage glass ornaments. I don’t always save it for last…it just worked out that way this year because I ordered a new flocked tree for these beauties to shine so brite. It arrived a few days ago, and I’ve been busy with other things ever since. But now is the time! See you in a couple of days! ???????????????????? * * * * * #shinybrite #vintage #vintageornaments #vintagechristmas #crazy4christmasdecor #tujloveschristmas #acottagegirlcrushes #fleamarket #fleamarketdecor #cottagesandbungalows #thrift #thriftstorefinds #familyheirloom #madeinpoland #madeingermany #madeinjapan #flockedtree #christmasdecor #christmaspast #vintagepackaging #retrochristmas #ourthriftstoredecor

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Here in the States, Eckardt’s business continued to boom, with thousands of machine-painted Shiny Brite ornaments flying out factory doors daily from four facilities throughout the 1950s.

Eckardt died in 1961, right as plastic ornaments began to get popular. Glass ornaments slowly fell out of favor, and their production eventually stopped.

Then, in the late 90s, designer Christopher Radko obtained the Shiny Brite name and began making and selling replicas.

But keep an eye out for boxes of the original Shiny Brite ornaments – if you spot one, you’ll get to hang a little vintage luxe in your tree.

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These Jokes Would Have Made Absolutely No Sense at the Beginning of the 2010s

We’ve come a long way in the past ten years. It’s hard to keep up with all the technology flying at us. Heck, I’m still trying to figure out the appeal of Twitter.

So, in the spirit of laughing at our ignorant past selves, scroll through these 10 jokes that would have made no sense at all in 2009.

1. We are getting into cars with strangers and asking for rides. In the olden days, this was called hitchhiking and our parents would ground us for doing it.

2. Girls roll out of bed in sweatshirts, pull on short shorts and put their hair in a scrunchie to go out for the day. In the olden days, this is how girls got ready for bed.

3. We are all wearing cool in-ear speakers. In the olden days, we attached entire stereos to our clothing and got tangled up in the wires.

Photo Credit: Memes Monkey

4. Alexa takes care of us. In the olden days, we had to do our own things.

5. “Millennials have ruined the society we’ve worked so hard to build.” In the olden days: “Millennial babies are so cute. They’re our future.”

6. We cannot agree on anything now. ANYTHING. In the olden days, WE WERE PERFECT.

7. We get ready for the day on social media. In the olden days, we got ready for the day in the bathroom. With the door closed.

8. Our watches are computers. In the olden days, our watches told us what time it was.

9. We don’t need to see each other to have a relationship. In the olden days, we went on dates. Together.

10. We spend a la-oht of money on our phones. In the olden days, we counted our money.

Do you feel old now? Or, are you wondering how we crawled out of our mud holes into these modern times? Discuss.

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The Melting Permafrost in Siberia Revealed a Mysterious 18,000-Year-Old Puppy

It turns out that maybe humans haven’t changed all that much in the past 20,000 years.

At least, not when it comes to puppy love.

Scientists believe the male animal, found near the Indigirka River in Siberia, was around 2 months old when it died. Despite it being preserved by the freezing temperatures with its fur, whiskers, and teeth intact, researchers are not entire sure what species the little guy belongs to.

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Un cane di 18.000 anni. In Siberia è stato trovato  un cucciolo di animale di circa due mesi perfettamente conservato in uno strato di permafrost: risale a 18 mila anni fa e gli scienziati, che l’hanno mostrato lunedì per la prima volta dopo il ritrovamento avvenuto un anno e mezzo fa, lo stanno analizzando tramite prove sul DNA. Nonostante sia ben conservato, con naso, pelo e denti ancora intatti, la creatura ha spiazzato gli stusiosi. I test, infatti, non sono stati ancora in grado di stabilire la sua specie. Forse un cane dell’era glaciale, forse un lupo. O, ancora, l’anello della transizione evolutiva da lupo a cane Il cucciolo, che era maschio, è stato chiamato Dogor: ha pelliccia, scheletro, denti, testa, naso e baffi ancora intatti. #dogor #siberia #ritrovamenti #scienza #science #animals #life #evolution #anellimancanti #curiosità #scoperte #scopertesorprendenti

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“The Centre has Europe’s largest DNA bank of all canines from around the globe, yet in this case they couldn’t identify it from the first try,” admits Love Dalen, a representative from the Swedish Centre for Palaeogenetics.

 

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They do know it’s around 18,000 years old, though preliminary gene sequences was unable to confidently call it a wolf or a dog – or really anything we currently know about.

Well-preserved remains of an ice age wolf were discovered in the area a few years ago (40,000 years old), and dozens of woolly mammoth bodies have also been recovered from the frozen ground. Some scientists hope they’ll be able to use the partial DNA sequences to bring the species back to life (because clearly they’ve never seen Jurassic Park).

As far as humans, it appears that they settled in the northernmost parts of Russia around 32,500 years ago. Previous research suggests that people began domesticating dogs anywhere between 10,000-40,000 years ago, so this little guy could have been a pet, a protector, a working dog, or a wild wolf species – we just don’t know.

Scientists have called in Dogor, which means “friend” in the local Yakut language.

“This is intriguing, what if it’s a dog? We can’t wait to get results from further tests,” says Sergey Fedorov from the Institute of Applied Ecology of the North.

I’d have to say that’s an understatement, because I don’t think I’ve ever been more curious about an 18,000-year old anything in my entire life.

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Man Steals Electric Shopping Cart from Walmart and Drives It from Bar to Bar

Many of us have done some pretty stupid things when we’ve had too much to drink, but, if we’re lucky, we don’t get caught – and it definitely doesn’t become national news.

That’s not what happened to this guy.

Also, side note: if Bill Murray can drive around the streets of Stockholm in a golf cart, why can’t this guy have a little fun?

For the record, we don’t condone drinking and driving any kind of vehicle…but this is still kind of a hilarious story.

A man in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana, stole an electric shopping cart from a Walmart and proceeded to drive it from bar to bar. The man, Brice Kendell Williams, 32, said he did it because he didn’t want to get a DUI, though he still ended up being charged with a felony for “Unauthorized use of a moveable.”

Someone at a bar in Houma, Louisiana, reported to police that a man had arrived there on a motorized shopping cart after midnight. Police arrived at the bar and found the cart parked between cars in the parking lot. After he was arrested, Kendell told police that he had been at another bar earlier when he decided to steal the cart so he (hopefully) wouldn’t get a DUI.

Captian America

I mean, why would a motorized cart from Walmart draw any attention if someone drove it up and parked it at a bar, right?

Kendell’s bond was set at $2,500.

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Running Once a Week Is Linked to a Decrease in the Risk of Early Death

This is excellent news for all you runners out there. And for those who don’t incorporate running as part of your regular routine, this might make you dig out your jogging shoes and hit the gym or the track pretty soon.

A study from the British Journal of Sports Medicine compiled data from 232,149 people whose habits were tracked for between 5.5 and 35 years. The researchers found that those who ran had a 27% lower risk of death than people who didn’t run.

Tp be clear, the study doesn’t guarantee that being a regular runner will lower your risk of early death, but it shows that there is definitely a link between the two.

Running with Sue

The results of the study also suggest that you don’t need to be an extremely dedicated runner to get some of the health benefits, either. Researchers found that people who run less than 50 minutes per week, only once a week, or at speeds below 6 mph had similar results as intense runners re: early death rates. Non-runners did not.

Željko Pedišić, a co-author of the study, said, “This finding may be motivating for those who cannot invest a lot of time in exercise, but it should definitely not discourage those who already engage in higher amounts of running.”

Jogging 2010

So if you’re not a serious runner, or your schedule of work, family, kids, etc. doesn’t allow for you to run every day, at least consider getting out for one long jog a week or a few shorter jaunts.

Pedišić says that this also might help with your blood pressure, cholesterol, and keeping cancer and cardiovascular disease at bay.

Get out there and start running!

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