Hey, there!
It’s time for some posts! Some posts with the most!
The most what, you may ask? I don’t know, I may answer! Just stuff! Laughs! Words! Enjoyment!
Why, these posts have so much most in them that I don’t think my own intro could inject any more mostly most into them, so I’m gonna stop writing it now and just get to the posts.
Posts!
15. The food paradox
I doubt, therefore I am.
how can my spouse equally…
~not know where they want to eat
~know where they don't want to eat
~and, also, don't care where we eat
— An English Human (@English_Channel) October 28, 2020
14. Squatch and talk
One of the greats, Hedberg.
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here. ~ Mitch Hedberg pic.twitter.com/NZkBViKj3A
— The What If? Podcast (@WhatIfPod) October 8, 2019
13. Read between the lines
Nothing we can do about it now, it’s in the cards.
[mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like me flying a hot air balloon into power lines]
Me: is that good— cat pics & links to podcast/stream (@boring_as_heck) May 30, 2015
12. Stick with it
Repeat process for infinite stick. Stick win every time.
i found a really good stick. but i chewed it too hard. and it broke in half. which was disappointing until i realized. now i have two sticks. today has been. an emotional roller coaster
— Thoughts of Dog® (@dog_feelings) January 3, 2019
11. Cat got your tongue?
This feels like the opposite of all the DARE program I had to take as a kid.
@ramtops RT @marginoferror: Don't fight a cat. Use your brain. Use drugs. (From a veterinary textbook) pic.twitter.com/Mznoznuj3O
— Alan Charlton (@agcstoat) January 13, 2019
10. Textbook case
Here’s hoping they don’t throw the book at him.
If he returned any of it, he'd get like 30 cents and a stick of gum. so I see his point.
— Drake's Accent Coach
(@risingdemise) February 13, 2017
9. Herbicide
Hey ScienceAlert, are you alright? Do you need to talk maybe?
Whoever wrote this sounds mad as hell at plants https://t.co/GUrdPdfqBt
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 26, 2019
8. Putting on a front
Even the horse looks like he’s losing his will to live.
Patron: So one of the horses will be drawn from the side and the other will be from the front.
Medieval artist: From the.. front?
Patron: Right. You know how to draw
horses from the front, right?Artist: Y-yeah, totally. pic.twitter.com/znNXldGKci
— Dorsa Amir (@DorsaAmir) November 2, 2020
7. What a wonderful phrase
It just clicked for me: Timon and Pumbaa aren’t just carefree sidekicks, they’re stone cold nihilists.
RT leakypod: simba: my uncle murdered my dad
pumbaa: sheesh lol
simba: then he blamed me for it
timon: yikes. have u tried just not fucken worrying about it lmao
— Complayment d'Objet (@ComplaymentdO) January 6, 2020
6. Have your cake and pan it too
This is me pretty much every night.
the human said. they might make pancakes in the morning. so the faster i fall asleep. the sooner i get a pancake. as you can imagine. it’s hard to snoozle. under so much pressure
— Thoughts of Dog® (@dog_feelings) August 11, 2018
5. Too expensive
I’m focused on “live” at this point, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
live, laugh, AND love????? in this economy???? are you fucking insane.
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) April 10, 2020
4. My eyes are up here
No thank you please.
3. Tea for two
Yeah, I don’t know if I would advise that.
2. Going up?
There’s no knowing where we’re going.
1. True grit
These lyrics have played in my mind over and over again.
Man. Those sure are some posts with the most. So much so that I’m full.
Who are your favorite funny people to follow on the internet?
Tell us in the comments.
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