Aren’t kids just precious? Well, at least some of the time they are. Other times? Maybe not so much…
Parenthood is a constant tug-of-war with the little humans you’ve brought into the world, and, if you have kids, you know that there is a lot of hilarity involved on a day-to-day basis.
And here are 15 perfect examples.
1. Totally over EVERYTHING.
asked my 5 year old if she was done with lunch and she stood up and said “I am done with lunch. AND I AM DONE WITH THIS WORLD!” then she threw half a hot pocket at me and ran out of the room crying and I have never had more respect for anyone
— Sweatpants Cher
(@House_Feminist) September 2, 2019
2. Doesn’t want to hear it anymore.
Me: I’m only going to ask you to clean this mess up ONE more time.
6-year-old: That’s good. I was tired of hearing you ask.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 4, 2019
3. Got it, see you tomorrow.
Last night I tucked my four-year-old into bed, gave him a hug and a kiss and said, “I love you so much,” and he responded, “Got it, see you tomorrow.”
— Arash Karami (@thekarami) September 4, 2019
4. Zing! She showed you.
daughter: dad can we go see frozen 2
me: frozen to what lol
daughter: dad i'm serious!
me: hi serious, i'm dad hahaha just kidding, what's it about
daughter: it's about 2 hours lmao
— Terry F (@daemonic3) August 30, 2019
5. Yes, it is kind of like that.
6yo daughter after a long mountain bike ride: “It’s kind of like getting punched in the butt a thousand times.” pic.twitter.com/b5NDUsul5E
— Michelle DuBarry (@DuBarryPie) September 1, 2019
6. Cherish these wonderful memories.
This morning my son asked me if I lied a lot and that's why my nose is so big, but yeah I cherish every moment of parenthood.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) September 4, 2019
7. I can’t keep track of all that.
“There are six boys. How am I supposed to know who they are?”
—my 5yo, when asked about a particular person in her kindergarten class— Ian Bogost (@ibogost) September 4, 2019
8. It’s gonna get ugly.
Me: hey bud, what are you excited about at your first day of preschool?
4yo: the fight area
Me: uh, there’s no fight area?
Him: yeah there’s a jungle gym with a fight area
My 4-year-old is apparently ready to fuck some shit up in a toddler thunderdome
— Sam (@mastrap84) September 4, 2019
9. He’ll learn about that later.
“Mummy, why are there hookers in a car?”
Turns out my 5yo doesn’t know the word ‘hangers’
— Angie O'Reilly (@ngorlly) September 5, 2019
10. Write everything down just in case.
Asked my 5yo “what should we do tonight” and she started giggling and said “drink daddy’s blood” so I’m pretty much just tweeting this to get everything on the record before I go missing
— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) August 29, 2019
11. Not a fan of the rotten grapes.
My 7yo’s first Yelp review, left for me in her lunch box. Well geez! pic.twitter.com/GKxoARTYdr
— Bryan Haggerty (@bhaggs) August 31, 2019
12. That kid is speaking for all of us.
My 5yo coming out of the kitchen and screaming "I NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO MY STORY!" is really just all of us.
— Rachel Wecht (@rachelwecht) September 3, 2019
13. Right….evacuate…that’s what you said, right?
*fire alarm test*
Me: we're going to practise what we do when the fire alarm goes off….
*alarm sounds*
Me: so what do we do?
6yo: QUICK, EJACULATE, EJACULATE!
Me:*long pause*…. that's right EVACUATE!
— Jude D (@heyitsJudeD) August 27, 2019
14. Not a fan of your singing, apparently.
6yo: mom, who sings this?
Me: Queen
6yo: can you let them sing it
Me: damnMy job here is done he's ready
— Marcy G
(@BunAndLeggings) September 2, 2019
15. Isn’t that just so sweet?
6yo: I hope you live forever.
Me: Oh that’s sweet.
6yo: Because even when I’m an old man I’m going to ask you to wipe my butt.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) September 3, 2019
Ahhhh, adorable little monsters angels, aren’t they? What a joy!
Share your own stories of your funny kids in the comments below!
The post 15 Funny Tweets About Raising Kids appeared first on UberFacts.