Marriage is a beautiful union between two people where all your dreams immediately come true…right?
Well, maybe it’s not exactly the fairy tale it’s made out to be…
Or maybe these people just have really good senses of humor and want to put their partners on blast?
Either way, these tweets are winners!
1. What’s it gonna be?
Marriage is 50% your wife being upset that you don't do enough chores and 50% of her yelling at you for ruining her shirt by doing the laundry.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 14, 2019
2. It’s over!
My husband just got back from the gym and took a nap on the freshly washed sheets and he could have just told me he wanted a divorce
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) January 6, 2020
3. Pretty much everything.
Wife: You're doing it wrong.
Me: What?
Wife: *motions vaguely in the direction of my entire life*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 6, 2020
4. Things are heating up.
My husband arguing with me about how much I like to argue is the spark that keeps this marriage alive.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 3, 2020
5. She’s winning this one.
I have a cold and it’s pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that’s way worse.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 3, 2020
6. I can’t believe it’s not working.
Instead of asking my husband to do something, I just casually mention 300 times that it needs to be done and hope he picks up what I’m laying down. And so far, this strategy has been wildly unsuccessful.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 4, 2020
7. Son of a…
My husband surprised me with a night out to celebrate the anniversary of our first date. I was reminded of the man I fell in love with.
We arrived at the theater and learned the movie was playing at a different location a full hour earlier. I was reminded of the man I married.
— She Writes Good (@GoodSheWrites) December 23, 2019
8. Now what…?
A marriage is like a car in the sense that I have no idea what to do when it breaks down.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) December 30, 2019
9. I’m gonna score!
What I say to my husband: “Let’s cuddle on the couch and watch something.”
What he hears: “Let’s have sex in like 15 minutes.”
— Marriage And Martinis (@MarriageMartini) December 15, 2019
10. What am I doing here?
I've been married for over 16 years, I barely can remember what that thing I like is.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) December 27, 2019
11. Sparks are flying.
Thank you for loading the dishwasher but you did it wrong
~ a love letter to my husband
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) January 4, 2020
12. Not in my house!
Me: I think I’m getting sick.
Wife: Hold on, I have something for that.
Me: Okay.
Wife: [starts smothering me with a pillow]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 6, 2020
13. The natural progression of things.
My husband came home from being gone for 6 days, walked through the door & went straight to the dog.
And that’s what it’s like to be married for 20 years.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 6, 2020
14. No, I can’t.
Wife: Can you do something for me?
Me: Sure.
Wife: Can you do it without complaining?
Me: I'll get someone else.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 5, 2020
15. Where the hell were you?
My husband came home with pizza sauce on his collar and no pizza and now I know what it’s like to be cheated on.
— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) December 28, 2019
Those seem pretty on point…even though I’m not married. But hey, they seem right on the money to me!
What do you think? Do these tweets illustrate marriage realistically?
Share your thoughts with us in the comments!
The post 15 Brutally Funny Tweets About Married Life appeared first on UberFacts.