There’s nothing like getting a laugh at the expense of another parent, right?
I mean, you’re laughing with them, because you know for a fact that tomorrow (or in twenty minutes) your kid could be the one being tweet-worthy, right?
Because they have been in the past, and all kids are a little bit as$hole when it comes down to it.
So quick, before they turn on you – read through these 14 tweets from other real parents who are in the thick of it.
14. The thing you couldn’t wait to quit.
It becomes the thing that makes you openly weep over a bag of milk.
I just found a bag of breast milk in the freezer. I stopped breast feeding a year ago, but I can’t bring myself to throw it out. I’ll probably mix it into the cocktails at my daughter’s graduation.
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 16, 2020
13. All’s fair in love and war.
Now go to your room and think about what you said.
As I hugged my 3yo she looked up into my eyes, kissed my cheek and said ‘mummy I don’t think it’s fair you have more hair on your chin than daddy has on his head’
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 16, 2020
12. Everyone is alive, though?
And now you get to do it all again!
As homeschooling draws to a close for the summer I realise my 8yo may not have learned how to do fractions but he also learned very little about anything else
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 15, 2020
11. Every woman knows that’s justifiable homicide.
Fingers crossed for a lady judge.
He died doing what he loved: Lying down with a “headache” at 5 pm after his wife had been home alone with two kids all day.
-My husband’s epitaph, probably
— TeacherMom
Unexpected SAHM (@TweatingForTwo) July 16, 2020
10. Don’t even bother because you’re never cleaning it up.
My daughter just used glitter for a craft project, so I guess I'll see you in 5 years when I'm finished cleaning it up.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) July 15, 2020
9. A mint in paper towels.
Or two loads of laundry every day instead of one. Take your pick.
A typical cup holds about 8 ounces of liquid.
But if a child spills it, that number increases to 8 gallons.
— A Bearer Of Dad News
(@HomeWithPeanut) July 13, 2020
8. Or around the blobs of food they dropped on you.
Or the drips of sunscreen that were supposed to be on them.
Beach body just means tan lines in the shape of my toddler
— TeacherMom
7. There is room for a third option.
Not much, though.
Are you a sane person or do you have children?
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) July 11, 2020
6. If she’s asleep, you want her to move just a bit.
Motherhood is constant contradictions.
Having a toddler is so confusing.
I’m constantly wishing she’ll be quiet. Then, when she’s quiet I’m hoping she will make some noise so I know she’s not doing something crazy like burning the house down or eating cotton.— Jordyn Armour (@survivingmommy_) July 15, 2020
5. Spoiler alert: It’s because he didn’t actually eat dinner.
He’s been holding out for snacks the whole time.
Which one is higher?
a) number of bricks in the Great Wall of China
b) number of stars in the sky
c) number of digits in π
d) number of times my 3 year old says he’s hungry after he’s just eaten dinner
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 14, 2020
4. Or trying to teach a toddler how to do anything.
Maybe that’s just my toddler. *counts gray hairs*
Worst ways to die
1. Burned alive
2. Suffocate
3. Die from frustration teaching your child to blow their nose— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) July 15, 2020
3. And your partner can’t stop laughing.
Sounds about right.
My kids heard me yell “twat waffle” last night and have requested them for breakfast with a side of bacon.
— Maryfairyboberry
(@maryfairybobrry) July 13, 2020
2. That’s not a bad way to look at it.
It’s better than screaming into the void.
Me: *Walking into grocery store with kids*. Buddy, you need to put on your mask. Coronavirus rules.
4: *Proudly puts on his skull and crossbones mask* Mommy, does the Corona Birus mean it’s Halloween all the time now?
Me: You’re not wrong, buddy.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) July 16, 2020
1. Oh come on we all forget words sometimes!
And stand in front of the open freezer trying to remember what we were doing.
Me: What are you doing with the freezer?
6: I’m trying to make frozen water in the cup
Me: ……..you mean “ice”
6: oh ya
? ??????? ?? ??? ??? ??????? ?? ???? ????’? ???? ?????????
— Kids_kubed
(@Kids_kubed) July 13, 2020
I’m feeling relieved to know I’m not alone!
How are your kids today? Fist-bump for getting through it!
The post 14 Times Tweets From Parents Got Really Real appeared first on UberFacts.