I’m talking about those little annoying things you run into on a daily basis and think, “Why, in this day and age, am I still dealing with this sh*t?”
Below are 15 perfect examples of stuff we just shouldn’t have to face anymore.
#15. Whyyyyy!!
“For Christmas my dad got me a bluetooth frisbee that’s supposed to connect to your phone and play music. It doesn’t make any sense to me why this thing seemed like a good idea to make. Its heavy, it sounds like crap, you’re supposed to throw this speaker that supposedly playing music you like away from you when you get it + it’s limited on how far you can throw it because it’s connected to your phone. Also it’s hard to carry because it’s so big so it wouldn’t even be fun to bring anywhere even if you need a bluetooth speaker. Whyyy!!
*edits *Thank you kind stranger for the silver *edited first sentence for clarity (it plays whatever you tell it to not just Christmas music) *For those who asked for a link, here it is they must have known it was terrible because it’s marketed as a flying sound disc instead of a frisbee. *RIP my inbox TIL frisbee is a trademark of Wham-O?”
#14. False advertising.
“Fake Youtube Pranks and Youtube Video Clickbait
These videos are monetized so the creators are making $$$ off of False Advertising.”
#13. Brains, man.
“Depression.
My brain: “hate yourself”
Me: “but why?”
My brain: “just do it.”
Edit: oh wow my first silver. Cool!
Edit 2: now I’ve got 1 of everything! Can’t wait to pass these onto others! Thank you!”
#12. Nope.
“sushi at gas stations.”
#11. Koala rant incoming
“Koalas.
Here’s the copypasta:
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally – their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.
Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can’t afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives.
When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently…
Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they’re fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio… There’s a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn’t want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother’s anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother.
She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn’t helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating.
If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury… should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.”
#10. More harm than good.
“ticks. those fuckers carry around lyme disease and only a select few animals sometimes eat them. they cause much more harm than good.”
#9. Anything Gwyneth Paltrow sells.
“Pretty much anything Gwyneth Paltrow sells on her website.”
#8. California’s largest lake.
“The Salton Sea, California’s largest lake.
The sea has occurred naturally several times in the past, but its current iteration is an accident.”
#7. Another way.
“Periods/Vaginal Bleeding. The universe could have figured out another way. It could only bleed when going pee, that would be awesome.”
#6. By a child.
“That weird font in android phones that looks like its drawn by a child.”
#5. Impossible to peel off.
“Cheap ass paper stickers on new products that are impossible to peel off.”
#4. Why did they even have that lever?
“That lever Kronk pulls when Yzma tells him to “pull the lever!” Why did they even have that lever?”
#3. Awful.
“Those super bright headlights that temporarily blind you if you’re going opposite ways or continuously blind you if they are driving behind you. Awful.”
#2. Oddly specific.
“Velvet Pumpkins with real stems
Just…why?”
#1. Big drama queens.
“Allergies. Fuck em. Biggest over reaction by the human body ever.”
Get on it, science!
The post These Things Have No Reason to Exist, and yet Somehow They Do appeared first on UberFacts.