15. Wake up!
Ah, my grandmother. While we were on our way to getting her hair done, she was fuming in the passenger seat. When I asked her what was wrong, she said “I’m sick and tired of people falling asleep in the chairs in the lobby.” (She lived in a nicer assisted living home.) So I pried some more and she kept going with, “they fall asleep with their mouths hanging open and drool coming out and they look so ridiculous. Why can’t they walk down the hall to their room? I walked up to one of them before leaving and yelled ‘WAKE UP’ at him.”
I miss my Grams.
16. Metallica to brighten your day
In a similar vein, when I worked in a hospice I showed up one day in a Brazilian version of the Metallica “One” T-Shirt, with the mummified Pushead baby on it. One of the elderly patients remarked, “Oh, I just LOVE your jumper, dear! Such lovely colours! You always wear the most gorgeous colourful clothes – they really brighten up my day!”
17. Advice
My grandmother loves to give me relationship advice. Her favorite is “men can eat everything, but they don’t have to know everything.” Also: “Always keep money on the side. You never know.” She’s in her 80s now, so she comes from a generation when marriage and kids where what you did. Now she always says to me:”Don’t get married. At least not too soon. And nobody needs kids to be happy.” I think she’s right, but it’s also adorable because she is married for 60 years or so and my grandparents truly love each other. Although now she says:”Nah, with over 80 there’s no being in love. We just get along and don’t care to get mad at each other.”
I love my grandparents.
18. Ancient ways
I was creating an account on some website back in the early 2000s for my Grandfather. I was reading off all the questions to him and he would tell me what to type in. We get to a question asking “what is the best way of contacting you?”, to which he replies keeping a straight face, “Smoke signal.” I promptly fell onto the floor.
probably one of those things where you had to be there, but coming from an 85 year old WWII vet was something completely unexpected.
19. Awkward
I am a health care worker, so I get to hear a lot of funny stuff. The one that sticks out right now is when I helped a 60-ish year old man get to bed. I took his power wheelchair and plugged it in, he laid there thinking for a second and said, “how would you like if I plugged you in?”
Or giving an 85 year old man a bath and washing his genitals. He says “I had an ex girlfriend that used to do that. Her name was Tess, Tess Tickles.”
20. Speed demon
My 78 year old grandma upon getting a speeding ticket for going 35 over “I told the officer ‘There wasn’t anyone else on the road!!!!’ and he still gave me a ticket!”
My mom loves to tell the story about a time when she asked Grandma how fast a train was going and she replied “Lets find out!”
21. Hair fetish
Whilst on a huge cocktail of medication in hospital, my grandma told us that the hospital was a set, and everybody there (doctors, nurses, cleaners, visitors, and even us) were actors. She also got a huge crush on a male nurse because he had dreadlocks, and kept saying “Ooh, I do like his hair.”