Rise and shine! It’s time to get your dose of funny tweets! The best part of the morning!
Or maybe it’s afternoon or night where you are. In which case ignore that very first part. But don’t ignore these tweets, because you’ll regret it!
15. Et tu?
The revolution WILL be televised, apparently.
caesar on ellen
ellen: so I heard you were supposed to beware the ides of march
*ellen pulls out knife*
caesar: omg ellen you didn’t
— alex (@asroarke) March 6, 2019
14. Spell it out
He learned to speak just for this moment.
[spelling bee]
judge: your word is "walk"
me: walk, W-A-L-K walk
judge: [takes off judge's mask to reveal he is my dog] i fucken knew it you piece of shit
— Terry F (@daemonic3) December 27, 2019
13. Copy that
It’s like they prayed for a child and God was like “you suuuuure about that?”
When you hit print hella times and all the copies come out at once https://t.co/1wXt8wCRAM
— unfuckwitable (@MoveBackBug) January 18, 2018
12. That’s amore
This is the definition of non-hostile architecture.
Can I take a picture of the moon?
Pisa Tower: yea sorry pic.twitter.com/y6D63wjjJz— Faisal (@itsFaisallll) February 4, 2020
11. Clear the fog
I had to explain how the defroster works to a friend of mine who’d been driving her entire adulthood.
She was 37.
Sometimes I feel like I got my life together but then my windshield gets foggy and I don’t know what temperature to use to get rid of it
— Ashley Ponticelli (@ashponticelli) July 22, 2018
10. Pick a lane
Don’t mind me, I’ve never been on the road before.
Me switching lanes to a lane that merges into the lane I just switched from pic.twitter.com/YdWyyyQLC9
— Lyl (@lylianlongoria) August 12, 2019
9. Hit it
“I see it’s still in a warehouse four states over. Good. Everything is going according to plan.”
I track my packages soon as i hit confirm payment
— normal boy quanno
(@longlivedtae) December 18, 2019
8. Wriggle in
You’re not gonna worm your way out of this one.
God *created a worm* hello little buddy!
Worm: Thanks for the "worm" welcome haha
God *creates birds*
— ScamaDinBuricuInternetului (@DinScama) February 4, 2020
7. The waiting game
It’s that special look that gets the whole thing going.
My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping that they're braver than me…
— eoin (@aksjfhksadfhkas) February 23, 2012
6. Personal attention
Just wait till you see my bedside manner.
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes – meet me in the parking lot."
— Joke Mug (@JokeMug) April 24, 2018
5. You’re so vague…
…you probably think this song is about stuff.
interviewer: whats ur greatest weakness?
me: im vague
interviewer: can u elaborate?
me: yeah— buttsword (@buttsword) September 10, 2015
4. Carry that load
I’ve never thought about this before and now it’s all I can picture.
why tf do baby clothes got pockets they don’t even own shit
— juice man (@PunkHippie420) April 10, 2019
3. Two wolves
Things are about to get ugly.
I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in a body of a person who wants to sleep a lot
— Ammar (@Elunmoskbhai) August 30, 2017
2. Trigger happy
“Any problem that can’t be solved with a gun is not worth solving.” – America, probably
“Yea, when my mom fell down the stairs and broke her hip, we just shot her.” pic.twitter.com/7t197jKoD0
— Jason Mustian (@jasonmustian) April 16, 2018
1. Morning rush hour
Not sure what good that does me but thanks anyway.
No one :
*blood cells in the morning : pic.twitter.com/l7nHxiA5OA— Deactivated Ted Lee (@hamady_saleh69) March 13, 2020
Don’t you feel refreshed? I certainly do. As refreshed as my browser is as I check for new tweets on my feed every ten seconds.
Who are your top people to follow on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.
The post The Best Part of Waking Up Is These Hilarious Tweets appeared first on UberFacts.