Relationships are so complicated, in fact, that some people prefer to just avoid them altogether and remain single.
Other men and women are single through no fault of their own and they actually want to be with someone and it just hasn’t worked out for them for one reason or another.
Either way, this is hard stuff.
Folks on AskReddit opened up their hearts and got real about why they are single.
1. A little too aimless.
“I always get the feeling that most women wouldn’t realistically go for an aimless person (I’ve been in college for 7 years and I still have no idea what to do for a career), but they would rather someone who looks like they have their life on track.”
2. Let’s. get real.
“I’m a pretty bad boyfriend to be honest. I get tired of people and want to be left alone for long periods of time. That’s not great for relationships.
Mix that with some trust issues and well…. at least I got my hand.”
3. Do what you want.
“Single for 5 years now. I stayed single after my past relationship because I realized that I have much more freedom than I did when I used to be in being in relationships.
I can do anything I want without having to worry about anyone else. Less stress.”
4. A bunch of reasons.
“In no particular order:
— Waited too long to get started… I’m now at an age where most of my peers are coupled and raising kids. Having never been on a date or experienced any kind of romantic intimacy at this point is shameful and I can’t imagine anyone accepting me if they knew this. Oh, did I mention my hair is going gray from head to toe? That’s distressing.
— Self-esteem/dependency issues… I was very sensitive to teasing when I was younger and struggled to fit in living in an affluent, white, Christian suburb. It’s made me a naturally quiet and introverted person who’s hesitant to speak up/out, even when I always dreamed of being the life of the party (or just being invited to a party).
Not to mention that I grew up with an absent father and absent-minded mother who prevented me from being independent and taking control of my life when I was a young adult. I now fear moving out and being on my own and likely never will.
— Lack of friends… The few friends I’ve made in the past 10-15 years were ultimately just using me for something, and once they got that something, I never heard from any of them again. It’s like people could sense that I was naive and eager for any scrap of interaction and they took advantage of it.
It’s made me guarded and slightly distrusting of people. Even though I desperately crave friendship, I haven’t got a clue where I can go to meet sincere people at this stage of life.
— Depression… All of this has completely crushed my spirit and will to live. I now spend weekends in bed. I haven’t filed my taxes in years and I’m past due on a few bills. I stopped exercising a few months ago. I think about killing myself everyday and cry on a regular basis. I don’t know how to continue and I would truly be grateful to die.
I remember being a teenager and wondering when I’d meet that person and have my first kiss, my first relationship, my first heartbreak, etc. Every year I’d ask myself “Is this the year?” That time has passed and I now realize it’s gone.”
5. Not a strong point.
“I suck at starting conversations. I enjoy talking and don’t think I’m too socially awkward, but I just don’t like being the one to start.
And maybe no one finds me attractive either.”
6. Likes being alone.
“I took care of my late papa for 6 years and nephews for two of those. I didn’t want to make anyone feel that they had to sign up for what I did. Now, I am adjusting to life without my Papa and being alone for the first time in my life. I have come to like being alone.
I also wouldn’t know where to begin looking.”
7. A lot of people feel this way.
“Because I’m not the guy you end up with, I’m the guy that gets you to the one you’re supposed to end up with.
Nobody has seen me as the choice, only an option.”
8. Not ready for it.
“I am extremely scared to hurt another person. Also by that I’m not willing to be vulnerable, to open up, after few relationships I’m scared of my own energy and how intense can I be.
I know that someday I’ll have to open up and I’m sure it’s coming, but I’m not ready and I want to work on my career and skills.”
9. Afraid to get to know people.
“I don’t go out to the places people meet other people, I’m awkward, and I’m ace so I’m too afraid to get to know someone and have them drop me for it.”
10. Ruined financially.
“I’m divorced. It ruined my life financially.
I dated a bit afterward. There’s only two ways it goes, either back to being single or to another marriage.
The thought of getting married again terrifies me. If i do she needs to have a 2+mil net worth and a good job, while being a decent person and sexually attractive. So I’m basically looking for a unicorn because i don’t want to risk being the breadwinner and having my shit go bye again.”
11. Content by myself.
“I did decades of taking care of people and now that my kids are grown, I have no desire to have my life governed by someone else’s anxieties, fears and needs — my own are quite enough to deal with.
I really don’t need anyone so I would be in a relationship with the right like minded co-conspirator, but I’m content to be myself until they come along, if they ever do. And yes I am very happy and content on my own.”
12. The laundry list.
“Pretty sure mine is called Severe Singleness Syndrome
Chronic loner – I don’t like big groups of people, so I rarely go to bars/clubs. I don’t have any friends in the town we live. And still live with my parents (shitty financial decisions)
Social Anxiety – I have no idea how to approach someone
Useless at reading people – What is flirting?!?
Awkward personality – I get… weird when I like someone, and so far it’s pushed most away
Jealousy – I blame this one on my first serious gf who cheated on me twice, but if somehow a girl gets past the other issues, I’m a pretty jealous guy.”
13. Not a fan of relationships.
“For starters, I have crippling anxiety. And I’m currently between jobs, so I’m broke as well as being unable to hold a conversation.
Then there’s the fact that my “type” seems to be women who will eventually cheat on me. Every relationship I’ve ever had, including an engagement that saw me prepare to move to another country and my most recent having her infant son involved, has ended with them shacking up with another guy and cutting me out of their lives without a goodbye.
Then there’s my depression and sense of humour. I have a fairly dry wit and am fond of self-deprecating humour. I was recently on a date with a girl WAAAAAAY out of my league, who took me to go drinking and bought me a fair few JD and Cokes despite not drinking herself.
On the way back she suggested she come see me in my hometown (she lives in Nottingham, I’m in Leicester), and hating my city my response was something along the lines of “Yeeeeah you don’t wanna do that… it’s kinda shit there hahahaha we should go somewhere else”.
After that date I never heard from that girl again. Unmatched on Tinder, never called, the whole shabbang. In hindsight I realise it kinda sounded like I didn’t want to see her again, which after a very awkward night with little conversation besides me nervously rambling about myself must have been the nail in the coffin.
I’m now very much against the idea of relationships. They’re few and far between but I always seem to end up worse off after each and every one.”
14. Wow…this one…
“I am not a very ‘manly’ guy. I am not handy, have no goals or aspirations, and my interests are all very niche. My humour (for what its worth) is dark and sometimes a bit too perverse (not creepy perverse, just generally perverse). I am not actively seeking out someone else.
I have no muscle strength and have been balding since a young age. I have a very weak immune system. I tend to carry on about niche shit in convos and unintentionally ‘one-up’ people in the moment and only realise my mistake after conversations. I miss very obvious flirtation and have somewhat high standards for a partner.
Frankly I am amazed I am not a virgin.”
Like I said, relationships are very complicated…and sometimes, so is being single.
What do you think?
Do you prefer to be with someone or are you a bit of a lone wolf?
Talk to us in the comments and let us know what you think?
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