Great Tweets to Feed Your Daily Need for Comedy

I can’t recall the entire Lord’s Prayer from my Sunday School days, but I’m pretty sure there was a part in there about asking the Lord for our daily tweets. Or was it bread? Did Jesus say “Let’s get this bread?” Is that communion?

Sorry, not to blaspheme, it’s just that getting a daily allotment of tweets is practically a religion for me at this point so it’s sort of sunk its way into my brain in place of a lot of other stuff.

Without further ado, let’s get this bread. I mean tweets.

10. Skip ahead

Surely this is what the Olympians themselves must have felt.

9. I kneed your touch

After this it’s not gonna take much.

8. Fun in the sun

Well now he’s not the only one who’s gonna be hot.

7. Get your jollies

For me, it’ll probably be Reese’s Pieces. Not the entire Reece. Just a piece.

6. From the jump

Our entire lives are being permanently catalogued, we’re all screwed.

5. No, this is Patrick

And suddenly the Romance of that impossibly beautiful place is gone.

4. Just watch

DO NOT BETRAY US LIKE THIS. WE HAVE FEELINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE ANGER.

3. Turnabout’s fair play

Yeah we are pretty screwed.

2. Explosive news

Now let’s all be cool here…but down the blue explosives…

1. Read for liftoff

Yeah, why does that happen?

And with that, our daily tweets sustain us. Amen.

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter, and why?

Tell us all about them in the comments.

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