Funny Memes For All the Ladies Out There

We’ve got some memes here that are specially curated for some lady-types, though honestly, I love ’em all, and I’m not a lady-type. I don’t think, anyway?

Note to self: look into this. Further research is needed. Also, get a notepad so you stop writing these things on your hand.

Anyway, you should not think about it too hard and just enjoy these memes.

10. Skin and bones

He didn’t survive, but he set an example for us all.

Via: Someecards

9. The big switch

Look, don’t worry about it, just keep scrolling.

Via: Someecards

8. True intimacy

We’re not gonna put on any masks tonight.

Via: Someecards

7. A shoe in

Oh, the agony of the feet.

Via: Someecards

6. Playing games

That relationship sounds exhausting but ok.

Via: Someecards

5. Space trash

Our whole planet is just some rocks that floated together after a thingy went boom.

Via: Someecards

4. I don’t take shift

You can keep that crap to yourself.

Via: Someecards

3. No butts about it

I wish I could be in charge of this stuff.

Via: Someecards

2. Card games

This is ever so slightly inconvenient, I won’t survive it.

Via: Someecards

1. The cold truth

Just put me in a furnace already.

Via: Someecards

Note to self: go find more memes, these seem fun. Also, seriously, get a notebook or an app or something, I’m running out of space to write this on my arm.

What’s your favorite place to find new memes?

Give us all of your hot tips in the comments, won’t you?

The post Funny Memes For All the Ladies Out There appeared first on UberFacts.

People Who Work For Dating Apps Talk About the Tricks of the Trade

I’ve barely used any dating apps. My history with them generally involves installing, swiping for a few minutes, feeling self-conscious, and uninstalling again.

But despite my non-committal interest, it’s a huge industry, and one Reddit user wanted to peek behind the curtain.

Redditors that worked with a dating company (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc.), what’s the most insane user stat or behind-the-scenes fact you found out about? from AskReddit

There were THOUSANDS of insights. Here are some of the most interesting!

1. What a job.

I have a friend who works for… I wanna say Tinder. Anyway, the company isn’t important; what is important is that her ENTIRE job is to remove inappropriate images.

Her JOB is to look at d*ck pics all day. Five days a week. That’s all. No stat.

Just a weird f*cking job.

– Lettuce-b-lovely

2. Going undercover.

My ex bf worked for the Yahoo Italy dating site back in the earlyish 2000s.

His job was to pretend to be a woman, and message male customers just as their accounts were going to expire. This would encourage them to pay to renew their subscriptions. Once they renewed, he would ghost them.

He only lasted for a few months due to how unethical it was.

– visualisewhirledpeas

3. Some solid stats.

Guys swipe right on 47% of profiles.

Women only swipe right on 12%.

I knew some guys would swipe right more than women, wasn’t prepared for how little women swipe right!

– elatedate

4. Let’s dig deep.

I ran operations for an online dating company (notably not affiliated with Match). From database analytics I can tell you a few things.

Men initiate contact around 80% of the time in straight matchmaking, and if you are a woman looking to date other women and you simply initiate contact with another woman you have a good chance of success simply because it’s very very very common for women to match but then neither initiates contact.

IIRC we were able to determine that it takes on average about 3 dates before sex happens (I don’t recall how we worked that out, I’m not a data analyst, but presumably it was some keyword based algorithm looking at chat messages).

We got so many requests for information from the police that we had an informal system with them, to save them from wasting time getting warrants for information about people who we didn’t have data on, they would ask about a particular name/email/whatever other identifier and we would just say yes we have data about them or no we don’t, and if we did they’d then go get the warrant to get a copy of it.

The other thing I can tell you from our analytics, that really shouldn’t be at all surprising, is to get some decent profile photos. Go get your talented friend or just hire a photographer to take some really nicely-lit well-composed photos of yourself and watch your match rate soar.

– jamesinc

5. Lotta fakes out there.

My old boss was the financial controller of a big dating site.

He kept on seeing these big invoices for modeling agencies and initially thought it was because of the big parties they used to host.

When he asked about it it turned out it was just content for the fake profiles they created to lure in users.

– jimpez86

6. It’s more powerful than you think.

Most dating sites and apps are owned by one company The Match Group.

They have a near monopoly.

I think bumble is one of the few not owned by them.

– HueJass84

7. Talk about ghosting.

This was years ago now, but I used to work with a guy who had been an engineer for Match.com. He said 99% of the profiles were inactive, and that 80% of the active profiles were men.

He didn’t provide numbers but also said the was a huge disparity between the average number of messages sent to women versus those sent to men.

According to him, all told the site was mostly men reaching out to dead profiles and never getting responses.

As I said however, this was years ago, so it’s entirely possible that they’ve cleaned the site up since then.

– CastSeven

8. A heartbreaking story…

A couple met on the dating app I worked on.

Unfortunately, the man passed away and the lady returned to the app where they met for remembrance.

One day, a bug in the system made some profile likes to be sent again after months and she received one from her deceased boyfriend.

Her bug report was heartbreaking.

– Sighne

9. Not so subtle.

Lots of gay guys get banned from grindr selling weed. Would get a lot of emails of “why am I banned”.

Go to their profile and will say “HMU for that ?

– PayneTrayne

10. You WHAT?

We used to create fake accounts and chat with users.

It was everything from someone having a premium account that wasn’t getting responses to bored employees.

– SupermanistheDR

11. Careful about the pics.

I never “worked” at OkCupid but years ago I reported a few profiles and then they made me a mod.

There were more fake or scam profiles than d*ck pics.

We think some profiles were reported just because someone didn’t like how they acted, but once you start image searching, you would typically find that those profiles are fake, or belong to real people that are definitely not on a dating site.

There were a bunch of accurate and proven catfish reports, and a lot of cute pets (pictures have to be of you, not your dog) and we would comment for the other mods “cute dog but breaks rules”. Also google the image of the dog and sometimes find out that it’s someone else’s dog.

– taffypulller

12. Why oh why.

I used to work at a dating site in the UK. I was on the tech side but most of the staff was a group of young women who manually approved images and text changes to profiles. There was about 10-15 of them and the turnover rate was about one a week. The work was just so mind numbing.

About 10 times a day they’ed shout that they’d “got another one”. Which basically meant one of the hundreds of thousands of men on the site has differently thought “I’ve thought of something nobody else has tried, I’ll upload a picture of my c*ck” at which point they’d all laugh at it, cancel the profile upload and go back to reading about people’s choice of pets or whatever else they thought was interesting

– mvrander

13. Everybody lies.

I worked for Match for a couple years.

This is probably widely known but women frequently lie about their age and weight and men lie about their height and salary.

Also, it’s a big problem that women are inundated with DMs while most men get none.

– ChickumNwaffles

14. Yikes.

A dude with over 2000 right swipes and no matches

– [user deleted]

15. Oh, the irony.

The creator of Match.com got cheated on.

She left him for a man she met on Match.com.

– GreyFoxNinjaFan

So the next time you use a dating app, remember, it’s a business. And when dealing with a business, you gotta look out for yourself.

Do you have a crazy dating app story?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Who Work For Dating Apps Talk About the Tricks of the Trade appeared first on UberFacts.

Memes That Will Be Especially Funny if You’re a Woman

We’ve got some memes that will be funny to anybody but might be especially funny if you happen to be a lady.

Or a fire-type. Or a water-type.

Wait, I’m thinking of Pokémon again. Look, nevermind, let’s just get to the memes.

Here are ten bits of fun for girls who just wanna have it.

10. Heart shattering truths

Our actions are like a window into our souls.

Via: someecards

9. You say that now

Beauty is in the eyeliner of the beholder, I guess.

Via: someecards

8. Don’t sweat it

I’m comfortable as all get out and that’s really all that matters.

Via: someecards

7. Reunited and it feels so good

This is why you gotta keep ten or twenty spares on ya, just in case.

Via: someecards

6. Get mad, stay mad

It’s just the worst. Period.

Via: someecards

5. High and mighty

But if ya’ll could go ahead and never say anything bad about me that would be great, thanks.

Via: someecards

4. The breast of times

Just point the way.

Via: someecards

3. She bangs, she bangs

Is this what everybody in that movie was supposed to be screaming about?

Via: someecards

2. Crushing it

Surely the planets have something to say about this.

Via: someecards

1. Change the channel

Which one you find more relaxing says a lot about you and your relationship status.

Via: someecards

For a balanced media diet, I recommend reading up on lots and lots of memes and then flipping back and forth between Hallmark and Lifetime. Just keep everybody in your life on their toes. It’s an exciting way to live.

What are your favorite kind of memes?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Memes That Will Be Especially Funny if You’re a Woman appeared first on UberFacts.

People Share What They Think Will Make a “Happy” Marriage

I remember when I was young, my dad said to me, “Son, before you ever get married, you make sure you do one thing to prepare.”

“What’s that, papa?” I asked, a gleam in my eye and wonder in my soul.

“Before you should propose, I think it only right you open up Twitter and scroll through for a while and figure out what a bunch of internet strangers have to say about being hitched. Write those down as a set of principles, and go from there.”

“I will, dad. I will.”

Today, I fulfill that promise.

12. The fry rule

Every day is fry day if you keep the peace enough.

11. The inverse volume law

Well but see that’s when it gets boring though.

10. The playing doctor ritual

These are things we really need to keep an eye out for.

9. The stand-up stare-down

One of us is going to blink first and it ain’t gonna be me.

8. The frosting fortune

It’s too bad, we really had a nice thing going.

7. Corporate culture

Never have I smelled something on this scale before.

6. The call and response

Some things transcend life itself.

5. The rescue reminder

Gotta keep him on a tight leash.

4. League placement anxiety

I can’t let this fall apart on me now.

3. Butter habits

There’s very little that fatty foods can’t fix.

2. The tea trade-off

Hey, we’re not here to kink-shame.

1. The pass-out principle

God I’m so envious of people who can just sleep like this.

And with those bits of knowledge, you and I are both ready. Will you marry me?

What’s your best piece of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Share What They Think Will Make a “Happy” Marriage appeared first on UberFacts.

Hilarious Posts for People in a Love/Hate Relationship with Marriage

The Greek philosopher Socrates once said “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

It seems that a lot of people on Twitter are caught somewhere between good and bad with their spouses and have thus turned into tongue-in-cheek-happy philosophers.

If you don’t understand what I mean, have a look for yourself.

13. If wishing made it so…

Ah, I see what you did there.

12. You’re toast

Why are these things still the most fickle pieces of technology?

11. Work, work, work

We’re all learning brand new things about each other.

10. Sock it to ’em

It’s called the clothes pile and it’s a sacred place.

9. Standard definition

Oh cool so we’re getting a divorce then?

8. The great outdoors

Wow, you’re practically an explorer.

7. On a roll

But did he put it overhand or underhand? Because there is a correct answer.

6. The cold shoulder

Is this dude famous on Twitter JUST for having an annoying marriage?

5. In the mood

We gotta set real expectations for those coming of age.

4. Seek and ye shall find

Solid medical burn right there. Gotta get you to the burn unit.

3. Birds of a feather

I guess we all gotta have a hobby.

2. Shower power

I mean it’s either that or talking about things that bother you.

1. Yes man

Good thing ya’ll are married then, I guess?

I wish you all happy marriages, and happy philosophizing.

What’s your best bit of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Hilarious Posts for People in a Love/Hate Relationship with Marriage appeared first on UberFacts.

Check Out 12 of the Little Unspoken Joys of Marriage

Marriage is one of humanity’s oldest institutions and the source of a fair bit of our controversies.

But on a smaller scale, it’s the framework in which you can just get mad at each other for opening cans wrong or whatever.

But don’t take it from me, take it from the actually married couples of Twitter.

12. Sleep tight

I don’t know if you really knee’d me all that much.

11. Shop around

Never shop on an empty stomach.

10. Whose job is it anyway?

Join us tomorrow, same time, same channel!

9. Chew on this

Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.

8. Pack it in

But do you just toss in a couple shirts and pants or do you prepare like you’re going to be staying at that hotel for the next four years?

7. Stay on target

It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

6. Can’t get it back in the tube

These are the kinds of peacekeeping measures our leaders should imitate.

5. Just checking in

Didn’t know if I needed to call the cops or whatever.

4. Well blended

Try to use it to make him something delicious right away, he’ll forget he was mad.

3. This is the way

Ah, alright, I’ll just stop living then.

2. Let them eat cake

Why must we play these games?

1. Spoon feeding

Ok we’ve been joking around a lot but this is serious – some kind of heavy intervention is warranted here.

To all the married folks – here’s to you. Try not to kill each other.

What’s marriage like in your experience?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Check Out 12 of the Little Unspoken Joys of Marriage appeared first on UberFacts.

These People Are Living Their Best Married Lives

Audrey Hepburn once said “If I get married, I want to be very married.”

She was married and divorced twice in her life, so it seems like maybe she accomplished the goal of being very married, and good for her.

A lot of other people who fit that description seem to be mostly hanging out on Twitter, complaining/venting/joking about it to the rest of us.

Just take these very married tweets for example.

13. Special delivery

Ya gotta keep things fresh, yanno.

12. Flavor of love

Kinda sounds like you’re both childish but ok.

11. Folding in

Pay attention, because this is going to be extremely important, apparently.

10. Not ok

These are the signs that you are officially slipping into old age.

9. Play the fool

You gotta pay attention.

8. Very alarming

If this were me we’d be sleeping in separate bedrooms. Maybe separate houses.

7. Sleepy time

You set a new record!

6. I scream, you scream

How else am I to enjoy a cool Summer treat in the winter?

5. You’ve been replaced

Your one function on this earth has now been eliminated.

4. A toast to you!

Look don’t make me say it again.

3. A special meeting

Now, if you’ll all open up your binders…

2. The reason for the season

He’s gonna be real confused when those fifty boxes turned out to be one tie, somehow.

1. Must see TV

You know that you can’t look away.

Welp, it doesn’t get much more married than that.

What’s your best bit of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

The post These People Are Living Their Best Married Lives appeared first on UberFacts.