15 Interpreters Reveal the Most Awkward Things They’ve Ever Had to Translate

Being an interpreter is a pretty interesting job. You have the potential to really help someone who doesn’t speak a given language (or possibly doesn’t speak/hear at all). That being said, it’s also extremely challenging at times – imagine if you mess up a translation between two hostile world leaders… you could end up starting a war!

Even when the stakes aren’t that high, there’s still plenty of potential to have to translate something rather awkward/unpleasant. Case in point: these responses from translators on AskReddit.

1. Try to remain calm

“I’m an interpreter for the deaf as well, and over the past 11 years interpreting, I’ve had quite a few awkward experiences.

My first most awkward was when I was interpreting for a client and his mom, both were deaf, the son was on probation but had done something to get called into his Probation officer’s (PO) office. He was cussing out both his mom and PO. I’m sure that was just a normal situation for them both, but to force myself to say the vulgar words and phrases he was using was painful for me. Don’t get me wrong, I can cuss like a sailor, but I know my place when I’m in the company of someone in authority and my own family, so I would never say such things in front of people like them. But I did because that’s what he was trying to convey and he has that right.

Second one that comes to mind is when I was interpreting for a couple trying to conceive. They had to test the husbands sperm count so he had to ejaculate into a cup. He’d never done this procedure before so the nurse had to explain step by step what he had to do. Trying my best not to blush was the hardest part of this job.

I just maintained as neutral a face as possible and did this job as professionally as I could, but when I walked out of that room I knew what he was doing behind that door, and then I had to wait with him in the lobby until they analyzed the count. Then there was more after this to explain the results. It was very detailed, and I know they had to give that information and this office deals with it everyday, but I don’t and it was a very interesting experience.”

2. Bad news messenger

“There are a few. One of the worst is having to relay bad news, like cancer diagnosis, especially when the doctor is extremely blunt or hurried. As an interpreter, you cringe and wish you could change even just the tone or the insensitive wording to make it sound more humane, but you really shouldn’t because as an interpreter your job is to relay the info as closely as possible.

Another difficult situation is when you’re called to a patient that is coding (this was especially difficult when I worked with pediatric patients at the Children’s Hospital and trying to calm down the frantic parents).

Another one is being called to the ER and then upon arriving, finding out it’s a person I know outside of work, like a family friend. In that situation, I would try to get someone else to interpret because of ethics, but it’s still a tough situation, because you want to help as much as you can while you wait on someone else to take over. I honestly could go on and on, but these are usually the exceptions, as I love my job. There’s just some days that are more difficult than others.”

3. Not gonna translate

“This may not be awkward/uncomfortable per se, but I once worked for an American teacher in Taiwan who expected his interpreters to be able to translate puns into another language. He did not or would not understand that a pun in English isn’t a pun in Chinese.”

4. Time for a talk about the birds and the bees

“I’ve been on multiple medical trips to Mexico with my urologist father. Bringing translators that have little to no medical experience is incredibly difficult, and in the OR, no one knows the different names for instruments (differs between states/ countries).

I’ve sat in on multiple appointments and surgeries with translators, and by far the worst is when my dad makes the (usually very religious) translators talk about sexual health.

In addition, often times people only speak Mayan in this particular village, so there has to be a English to Spanish translator, and a Spanish to Mayan translator.”

5. RIP

“I was interpreting for a high school teacher who was participating in an event to try to get dropouts to come back to hs in a majority hispanic neighborhood. Anyway, the school gave us a list with addresses that we had to go to to try to persuade the kids/parents. We go to this one house and ring the bell, the mother answers. I start translating what the teacher was saying and we go back and forth with the mother, asking her to see the kid, lets call her Maria. The mom kept insisting we couldn’t talk to Maria and the teacher kept giving the whole spiel about dropping out and to think of the future etc.

About 10 mins into the conversation, the frustrated teacher wants me to ask the mother why on earth couldn’t we talk to Maria, to which the mother breaks down crying and says that she died a week before from a long illness, that’s why she had dropped out. Ensues the worst and most awkward maybe 5 mins of our lives, between apologies and condolences. Needless to say, we didn’t go to any other house that day.

Btw, the school turns out was aware of the kid’s passing but had forgotten to take her out of the list, smth…”

6. Your number

“I was called to the lab to help a patient register for, understand, and drop off his semen analysis following his vasectomy. I am a female. As we were finishing up the interaction, I asked the patient if he needed anything else.

“Your number.”

“The lab has our number (their interpreter team) and can get us if anything else is needed or to call you for results.”

“No, I need your number.”

“Um, sorry but I don’t give out my personal number to patients.” Cue guy putting sunglasses on inside, under the florescent hospital lights and awkwardly trying to get out of there as fast as possible. It still took at least 5 minutes before he was done confirming everything with the lab team.”

7. Sexy time

“I worked at a place that captioned telephone calls for customers who were hard of hearing. We only heard one side of the phone call then basically repeated what we heard into our voice recognition software and then corrected it on the fly. Most of the conversation we’re boring as hell old people talking to other old people, 50 people in a row calling in to vote for Dancing with the Stars.

But ever so rarely you get a good one, mine was what I’m assuming was a deaf young lady and her boyfriend because the conversation very quickly turned from how are you doing to I want to to tie you spread eagle on the bed and lick you all over. This continued for about 15 minutes but the best part is all the cubicles around you hearing you loudly and very clearly speak (so the voice recognition doesn’t f— up) graphic sex acts while they are trying not to lose their shil*t laughing and still keep up captioning an old ladies cookies recipe.”

8. Vulgar language

“The company I work for has a Spanish translation team that I use very frequently and know all of them. We basically do customer service. The most awkward conversations is when you have an irate person on the other line that is cussing you out. Our translators are supposed to translate word for word unless vulgar language is used, then they can summarize.

Basically what I hear is about a minute of someone screaming at me, using multiple choice words that I can recognize as curse words, then the translator “translating” essentially “they are not happy with your answer.”

It’s awkward for everyone because the translator is basically getting yelled at and has nothing to do with anything other than he picked up that call, and I have to just sit there for minutes at a time listening to someone scream and a short 5 word translation. The customer usually catches on after the first tirade or two that there is no point and they should just calm down and be a decent human being and talk it out.”

9. I don’t need your advice, thanks

“Similar to others, not an actual translator but my parents spoke poor English when I was younger. When I was 12 they filed for bankruptcy and took me to the lawyers office to translate for them. Having them go through and tell me everything they blew money on was extremely uncomfortable. Now as an adult they get offended when I don’t want to take financial advice from them.”

10. Metaphors

“Translator – was working with a group translating transcripts that were going to be used in a legal case, and the speakers were using really filthy, really creative curse words. We all had to discuss frequently, either to figure out what it meant, or the best way to say it in English.

So there we all are in a law office, in our suits and ties, deciding whether it should be “rip his a** up and drag him home” or “plow his a** and drag him home”. (Subject matter was financial, they just enjoyed a colorful metaphor, those guys).”

11. Not until the age of 50

“My elderly parents spoke English very poorly and I often translated for them. After my father passed away, I took my mother to the Social Security office to take care of paperwork. One of the questions they asked was whether there were any other potential beneficiaries of my father’s benefits such as other children or ex wives. Being an only child, I immediately answered “no”.

My mother asked me what the question was. I interpreted with my answer. She looked at me sheepishly and answered, ‘that’s not exactly correct’. It was then, at the age of 50 in the Social Security Building, that I learned that my father had previously been married and had had a child. Mother and baby died during childbirth.”

12. Try to keep up

“I was translating during a divorce trial. You have to swear that you’re translating to the best of your ability, just like a witness swears that they’re telling the truth. No sweat. You’re pretty much a machine, you just translate whatever they say so the judge, clerk, attorneys, and husband and wife hear what is being said.

Well, at one point the accusation comes out that he was sleeping around. Well the husband loses it and starts cursing up a storm, calling her a whore, prostitute, etc. Well… I just translated what he said the best I could. Eyebrows were raised and I just shrugged my shoulders. Just doing my job. The judge reprimanded him (the wife was testifying at the time) and the guy yells back at me asking what did I say? The judge was cool and winked at me. It was awkward. But he did tell me afterwards that I did a great job.”

13. Cussin’

“My mom is a sign language interpreter. And she’s the most sweet as pie mom you can imagine. I’ve never seen her take a single sip of alcohol (I’m 30), she says things like oh durn, and son of a gun…

She told me about one time interpreting on the psych ward at the hospital. The deaf patient was throwing chairs at the doctor and signing every obscenity you can think of and many that don’t even have an actual sign to them. And, as an interpreter should.. my American sweet as pie mommy had to aggressively cuss the doctor out word for word.

It was the best thing I could ever picture… I was dying laughing.”

14. Emoji translation

“I’m a trained interpreter and translator but I’m a better at the former. I recently had to translate a document for immigration that were text messages from a married couple that frequently used emojis. It makes sense, they’re two people still learning each other’s language, so they would use the emojis to completely replace the words in the text (eg I love your ?). I had to send out a huge email blast to my colleagues on how to translate emojis, it was a bizarre moment for me. I think I’ll stick to the spoken form.”

15. “Not kind things”

“I work tech support and often have to use a language line. My favorites are Asian languages and when people are pissed. The interpreters bless their hearts will faithfully translate, but every so often will say “They are saying not kind things about you personally.”

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This Tumblr Account Collects the Final Text People Got from Loved Ones

This Tumblr account collects the final text messages people ever received from a loved one – both from people who have passed away or from those no longer in their lives for other reasons.

The messages are oddly touching, occasionally spooky, but always a brief, poignant glimpse into humanity just before some of our most trying moments.

#1.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

“I don’t have a message, but this is the last picture I took with Mrs Brown whom was practically my grandmother. She became a patient and soon after a resident at my facility when I was working as an aid. We became close to the point where she would call me at home and I’d see her on my days off. I may have crossed that line a tad considering she was a patient there, but I didn’t care. She was my favorite person and we shared a lot and she gave me the best advice and listened, which is what I needed.
Our administration told me our friendship was in appropriate and thought it was best I didn’t contact Mrs Brown. My DON went as far to lie to me and tell me that her family didn’t want me around her. At all.
Long story short, she declined when they stopped our contact and she died on September 28th. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. They fired me that day.
It was a complete innocent friendship with no mal intent or sick motive or anything of the sort.
I know the DON was lying about the family because the family had single handedly requested for my participation at her memorial.
I miss her so much. She was so understanding and so honest and so happy. She was 92.

I pray you’re looking down on me Helen. I loved you like a mother. I wish this never happened.”

#2.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

“My dad died 6 weeks later flying the plane in this picture.”

#3.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

“My good friend’s dad died around Thanksgiving. Two weeks later he drank himself to death.”

 #4.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

“This is the last text I got from my mom before she died of Stage IV brain cancer at the age of 53. It left her completely paralyzed on the left side of her body, hence the typos in the texts. What she was saying was, “you’re missing music therapy” and “Almost as good as Good Friday church giggles.”

A few years prior to this, we went to the Good Friday service at our church. The choir was absolutely horrendous and couldn’t sing whatsoever. She and I sat there, in the most serious, somber church service of all, laughing hysterically, unable to stop for the life of us. She sent me this text while she was in hospice and I was in school.”

#5.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

 “She had sent me a message earlier asking me not to contact her anymore. I woke up to one last message. We’d dated for 3-5 years and when I came out as trans, the relationship fell apart. I still think about and miss her every day.”

#6.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

“I sent this to my grandpa on Thanksgiving. Two days later he unexpectedly had a heart attack and passed. He was my favorite person in the world and nothing has been the same since. I refuse to delete this message.”

#7.

Photo Credit: Tumblr

“The last text he sent me. The next day I got a call from his daughter that he was still very much with his wife and I wasn’t the only one he was cheating on her with.”

h/t: good.is

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The Strange Reason Iceland Gets Its Ice from Other Countries

The first time I found out about this, it totally tripped me up. You see, Iceland – a country with 11% of its surface covered by glaciers; a country whose name literally starts with the word “Ice” – imports most of the ice they use in their beverages. What the what?

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Maybe not so much, when you consider that the country’s rugged geography makes extracting many natural resources difficult. Not only that, but economics play a part; Iceland has extremely high domestic labor costs compared to cheap inbound shipping costs, which means they can import ice for far less than it would cost to pay a crew to harvest it.

If you’re interested in learning more, check out the video below from Half as Interesting.

The imported ice cubes are sold in grocery stores for far less than the price of native cubes, which can be up to 40% higher, and come from Norway, the U.K. and the U.S.

Biologist Rannveig Magnusdottir, who works at Icelandic Environment Association, commented that he finds “this completely insane, as I’m sure most people do, and I think our cousins in Norway and Scotland laugh at the fact that they can sell Icelanders ice.”

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Funny or not, believe it – it’s true!

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The Shocking Discovery this Woman Made in Her Hotel Room Is Straight out of a Horror Movie

Staying at a hotel definitely has plenty of potentially skeevy elements: bed bugs, dirty sheets, hidden cameras, and who knows what else. But, most of us deal with it and try to keep these things out of our minds. I’ll warn you: If you’re one of those people who reads a story and can’t get it out of your mind, you might want to stop here.

Because you’ll never be able to forget what you’re about to read, and I might never stay in a hotel alone again.

Victoria Rothe is a regular gal, returning to her hotel room with a co-worker after grabbing a meal or drinks or whatever. They’re probably in town for a work conference and not expecting too much excitement.

Photo Credit: Facebook

Then, she opens the door to her hotel room and finds a strange woman inside. She’s holding bags full of Victoria’s personal items and stares, caught like a deer in headlights. She mumbled nonsense about her key still working but was clearly unable to come up with a good excuse for being in a stranger’s room holding her things.

Assuming (correctly) that she’s being robbed, Victoria asked to see what was in the bags. Then, stunned and feeling slightly as if she’d walked into an alternate universe, Victoria let the woman go.

Photo Credit: Facebook

Then, she realized her medication was missing and tried chasing the robber down. When she couldn’t find her, Victoria called the police. They came, took a report, and went over the situation in the room.

There were some odd things left behind – a baseball bat, a necklace, and a flashlight that all must have belonged to the thief, since they weren’t Victoria’s, and bits of drywall in the sink that no one could really explain.

Photo Credit: Facebook

There was no forced entry, no unlocked windows, no adjoining room, so the police and Victoria assumed the woman must have somehow gotten hold of a spare key, or had previously stayed in the room and the hotel hadn’t reprogrammed the card (even though they denied it was possible). But later, Victoria got to thinking about those bits of drywall.

Photo Credit: Facebook

She and her coworker (who I assume was now her  roommate because HOW COULD YOU SLEEP ALONE) looked behind the mirror in the bathroom…

…and found a hole big enough for a person to crawl through.

Not only that, they found a space big enough for a person to live in, and enough personal effects to make it clear this woman (likely a drug user) had been doing just that for some time.

Photo Credit: Facebook

Photo Credit: Facebook

Living. In. The. Wall.

She had access to more than one room and was probably crawling out when people were gone to go through their things and steal medication she could take or sell.

I literally screamed when she got to the punchline.

Photo Credit: Facebook

Just. Nope.

I don’t know about y’all, but in the event I find a way to get up the nerve to stay in a hotel again, I will be checking all of the walls.

Shudder.

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American Kids Are Starting to Sound British After Watching Too Much ‘Peppa Pig’

It’s a pretty well-known fact by now that young kids love Peppa Pig. Like, a LOT.

The popular children’s show debuted in 2004, and has steadily taken over the world by indoctrinating the world’s children ever since.

Photo Credit: Entertainment One

But American parents have noticed lately that there’s been one strange consequence of their kids’ watching lots and lots of Peppa Pig.

Photo Credit: Twitter

As strange as it sounds, parents in the U.S. are noticing that their little ones are developing British accents from watching Peppa Pig.

And this guy isn’t alone. Look at all these other folks who are also experiencing the same phenomenon.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Roberto Rey Agudo, language program director of the department of Spanish and Portuguese at Dartmouth College, says the British accents are weirdly prevalent among kids in the U.S. “in part because Peppa Pig has been such a phenomenon with the 2 to 5-year-old crowd and it’s considered cute, whereas I don’t know what other shows have that kind of currency right now.”

I wonder why this didn’t happen with Mr. Belvedere when I was a kid…

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10+ Facts About Popular Romantic Comedies That Few People Know

If you love a good rom-com (it’s a guilty pleasure of mine, I just love a good love story), then you’ll definitely love these 15 facts about some of the genre’s most classic films!

#1. Viggo Mortensen was almost cast as Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles.

Photo Credit: Wikimedia CC

They kissed during the audition and Ringwald confessed “he made me weak in the knees. He really did.”

Image Credit: Universal Pictures

He wasn’t cast, but the two did star together in Fresh Horses, where Mortensen told her he thought he hadn’t been cast because his kissing was poor.

 

#2. The blue door in Notting Hill belonged to writer Richard Curtis.

Image Credit: Working Title Films

The exterior of Hugh Grant’s apartment in the film was once owned by screenwriter Richard Curtis. The home’s owners painted it black after the movie came out because they were sick of gawkers, but the current residents have restored it to blue.

#3. Sleepless in Seattle mentioned the Soup Nazi two years before Seinfeld made him famous.

Image Credit: Columbia TriStar

Of course, he was already famous in NYC, where he sold soup at Soup Kitchen International. In the movie, one of Meg Ryan’s fellow reporters pitches a story about a man that “sells the greatest soup you have ever eaten” but he is “the meanest man in America.

#4. Cameron Crowe believes Friends is a ripoff of Singles.

Image Credit: Warner Bros.

He says Warner Bros. Television asked him to turn Singles into a show about “a group of six 20-something roommates searching for love” but he declined. When Friends debuted in 1994, he had his lawyer look into it, but was advised that enough of the details were changed to make a lawsuit tough.

#5. Karen McCullah, one of the writers of 10 Things I Hate About You, came up with the title because of one her ex-boyfriends.

Image Credit: Buena Vista Pictures

She ran across a diary entry title “Things I Hate About Anthony” and when she shared it with co-writer Kirsten Smith, they latched onto it for the title.

Her ex likes the movie, and loves that she named it after him!

#6. The original script for Pretty Woman was quite a bit darker.

Image Credit: Buena Vista Pictures

It was a gritty tale of two damaged individuals who spend a week together that ends in tears and zero hope for hookers with a heart of gold everywhere.

#7. Annie and Duckie were supposed to have a happily-ever-after in Pretty in Pink.

Image Credit: Paramount Pictures

The original script had them ending up together, but Ringwald didn’t think it was believable, since Duckie was played by John Cryer and not, say, Robert Downey, Jr. The director, Howard Deutch, seemed to feel the same way.

“Duckie should have the girl and it was all built for that and it was designed for that. And I could have ended that way, had I not f*cked with one thing: I cast Jon Cryer.”

#8. The Princess Bride was written for the author’s daughters.

Image Credit: 20th Century Fox

William Goldman told Entertainment Weekly that he told his young daughters that he would write them a story, and when he asked what it should be about, one replied “a princess” and the other said “a bride.”

The title stuck.

#9. People walked out on the first American showing of Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Image Credit: Working Title Films

The Salt Lake City town council left the theater after the first f-bomb. Probably the wrong audience, given the number of Mormons in attendance.

#10. Lloyd Dobbler from Say Anything was based on director Cameron Crowe’s neighbor.

Image Credit: 20th Century Fox

The writer-director describes his neighbor as “this friendly guy with a crew cut who just wanted to meet everybody he could.”

He would pop by and chat about anything and everything, making writing difficult – at least until Crowe realized his inspiration was literally knocking.

#11. There’s a reason for Andie McDowell’s drink choice in Groundhog Day.

Image Credit: Columbia Pictures

Sweet vermouth is director Harold Ramis’ wife’s favorite.

#12. Woody Allen thought Annie Hall would be different than it turned out.

Image Credit: United Artists

He didn’t intend on making a love story – he and co-writer Marshall Brickman imagined a story that explored the main character’s psyche and her inability to feel joy.

#13. Steve Carell lost 30lbs to play The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

Image Credit: Universal Pictures

Judd Apatow was convinced it was a good idea for Carell to be “ripped” because it helped establish the fact that Andy was a virgin because he was shy and awkward, not because of his looks.

#14. Harry and Sally are based on the (non-romantic) relationship between Rob Reiner and Nora Ephron.

Image Credit: Columbia Pictures

They met in the 80s and first worked  together on When Harry Met Sally, during which they had extensive discussions about how men and women view sex, love, and relationships differently.

#15. Before the success of The Philadelphia Story, Katharine Hepburn was considered “box office poison.”

Image Credit: MGM

She had a string of flops in the 1930s that led to her need for redemption as far as ticket sales – and The Philadelphia Story delivered.

I’m off to re-watch!

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Fascinating Illustration Shows All the Different Ways We Draw Our X’s – and What It Means

When you write out the letter “x,” what motions do you use? Which corner do you start with first? It seems that the answers to those questions can actually reveal quite a bit about your personality.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Oprahmag posted the graphic on Instagram, prompting thousands of people to stop what they were doing, grab pen and paper, and make X’s.

Who knew there were so many different ways to make an “x”?

Brie Schwartz, deputy editor of Oprah Magazine, contacted a handwriting analyst to see what she had to say about the great “X” debate.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kathi McKnight, certified handwriting analyst provided some clarification.

Most people were taught method 8, and most people reported making their X’s with the same method. These X-scribers were more likely to be comfortable with rules and structure and not likely to get out of line (so to speak).

Interestingly, other methods indicated a rebellious or negative streak in a person’s character.

Photo Credit: Public Domain Pictures

Depending on which way a person strokes the lines could show difficulties in personality. For instance, figure 1 and figure 2, showing upstrokes, could mean an individual has trouble moving on from a problematic past. Figure 3, because of its opposition in direction to the normal figure 8 way, points to a rebellious nature.

Still, a desire to stay with figure 7 or 8 may say the writer resists independent thought and change.

Or it all says nothing! Because there is so much more to handwriting analysis, like pressure, slant, size, and of course the fact that it’s not 100% reliable anyway.

What do you think?

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Check Out This Hilarious Tumblr Thread About What Angels Really Look Like

Tumblr is a very diverse community – you’ve got posts of all kinds from questions blogs and poetry to hilarious stories and/or users just going off the rails theorizing about stuff.

Take this thread for example. It started off innocuous enough, but quickly turned into a hilarious discussion of what angels not only look like but also how humans might react to seeing them.

Photo Credit: Tumblr, @mckitterick

Photo Credit: Tumblr, @mckitterick

Photo Credit: Tumblr, @mckitterick

These depictions are very different in some ways, almost as if people couldn’t really explain what they were seeing. But it’s these next folks who really kick it up a notch.

RUN!

Photo Credit: rearfront

Yep, accurate.

Photo Credit: rearfront

Hilarious!!

Photo Credit: rearfront

If Mary’s there, then all is safe.

Photo Credit: rearfront

God’s got jokes! Thank goodness for Tumblr, otherwise, I would have felt odd screaming at an angel.

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15+ of the Dumbest Things Anti-Vaxxers Have Ever Said

I try my best to be understanding of others, but I’ll be honest: I do not understand anti-vaxxers. What’s worse is that it seems like they’re growing in numbers every day.

Here is a list of some of the absolute dumbest things they’ve ever said.

1. Now how it works

Photo Credit: Facebook

2. Great…

Photo Credit: Facebook

3. Yup

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4. Oh, really?

Photo Credit: Facebook

5. They all died

Photo Credit: Facebook

6. Seems logical

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7. New name, same disease

Photo Credit: Facebook

8. Probably Option B

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9. Please discuss

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10. Imagine that

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11. The work of demons

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12. The “flue”

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13. Zing!

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14. Called out by Mommy

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15. Don’t do it!

Photo Credit: Facebook

16. From my opinion…

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17. No need

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18. Can’t find one…

Photo Credit: Facebook

19. That DNA vaccine

Photo Credit: Facebook

20. Go test it out

Photo Credit: Facebook

I’ll never stop shaking my head at these folks…

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Behold the “Avozilla:” a Giant Avocado That’ll Make Millennials Go Berserk

The world’s recent obsession with avocados, possibly fueled by the millennial love for avocado toast, might have you thinking they’re a newcomer to the culinary scene, but they’ve actually been around for a long, long time. Avocados are heart-healthy, jam-packed with nutrients, and they pretty much go great with anything.

Basically, the only thing that could make an avocado better is if it were bigger, smoother, or more easily spreadable.

If only…

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

But, hang on. Agriculture heard our wails and has acted benevolently. Giant avocados – called “avozillas” – actually do exist. According to The Guardian Australia, a farm in Queensland is cultivating enormous avocados “as big as your head.” They are, in fact, about four times larger than a normal avocado.

Photo Credit: Peaches Fresh Food

Holy guacamole.

A company in South Africa owns the rights to the variety, which was produced via cross-breeding. Anyone interested in growing their own avozillas must pay to obtain permission and then pay royalties. Currently one farmer in Australia has the lock on a few hundred trees, so the giant fruit (it’s a fruit) is available in a few cities there. They have also exported them to England.

What’s keeping the avozilla from taking over? Ian Groves, the first to have grown them on his Australian farm, believes they may be too niche.

He also told The Guardian, “There is a nursery we buy different trees off, and when we were planting a bunch of avocados 10 years ago, they gave us one as a trial. And after about four or five years, we tried a few of the fruit and thought we’d give them a go. So we planted a small block of about just under 400 trees. They’re coming up to about four years and this is their first production.”

Clearly it takes some forethought to get from idea to table.

Avozillas may not be available everywhere guac fans are, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from falling head over pit for them.

Photo Credit: Instagram

The avozilla’s majesty is inspiring.

Photo Credit: Twitter

And brunch is served.

Photo Credit: Instagram

So, how about it, California and Mexico? Let’s have some avozillas!

We’ll wait.

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