Category: tweets

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Hilarious Marriage and Relationship Tweets You Need To Check Out

I know what you’re going through: you just got into another spat with your significant other and you feel like really letting them know how you feel…

But let me give you some advice: just blow it off and laugh about it!

Instead of letting the situation escalate and explode, come visit us as much as you need to and we’ll make you laugh with funny tweets about livin’ that relationship life!

And we have a totally solid collection for you to look at today, friends.

So go lock yourself in a closet somewhere away from your partner and have some laughs!

Hey, you’re welcome…

1. The remote wars continue…

There’s really no escaping it once you’re married.

2. Sounds like a perfect marriage to me.

People, pay attention to this one.

3. What size am I, again?

That’s a little humiliating…

4. How does this whole thing work?

You either are a morning person or you’re not.

5. Hahaha. This is good.

Don’t you think this looks pretty familiar?

6. That sounds awesome!

Yes, dear…Yes, dear…Yes, dear…

7. That was a rude awakening.

I was planning on sleeping in today…

8. That’s true love, right there.

Romance is not dead, people!

9. Your husband and I have a lot in common.

Do you think it’s a little bit warm in here?

10. And around and around it goes.

Isn’t this great?!?!

11. You had a good run.

But he obviously made a fatal error.

12. You would have been gone a long time ago.

She sounds like a very patient woman…

Now we’d like to hear from you.

In the comments, tell us how everything is going in your relationship during these crazy times we’re living in.

Please and thank you!

The post Hilarious Marriage and Relationship Tweets You Need To Check Out appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Share Their Favorite Nostalgic Memories From the 2000s

The 2000’s. You really just had to be there. And if you weren’t there, I guess that means you can’t even like, drive yet, so most of this is definitely not gonna make sense to you.

But for those of us who saw that glorious dawning of a new millennium, especially those of us who came of age in it, there’s just a certain patina that will never wash off.

Let’s take a stroll through memory lane with these tweets, shall we?

10. Came in like a wrecking ball

Then: oh man, she’s so hot!

Now: WOAH. THAT IS A CHILD.

9. It was lit

I worked at Blockbuster just before they went out of business.

Favorite day job I’ve ever had in my life.

8. That’s a stretch

If it was bright and moved around weird, it was in high demand.

7. The parachute

Providing seconds upon seconds of non-panicked fun.

6. Dystopian young-adult fiction

One of the most weirdly specific genres to ever emerge.

5. You’re watching Disney

And you’re probably never gonna stop.

4. Don’t talk back

The app that was in some ways ahead of its time, and in others just a disaster.

3. It’s called fashion, sweaty

I can smell all of this.

2. Living the dream

Those full keyboard PDA’s seemed like such a natural choice but in retrospect were kinda garbage.

1. Living in images

Wait, how old is The Fault in Our Stars?

*googles*

…my God.

Man, I’m practically bursting with memories now. I should probably see a doctor about that.

What’s your favorite memory of the 2000’s?

Tell us in the comments.

The post People Share Their Favorite Nostalgic Memories From the 2000s appeared first on UberFacts.

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Check Out Some of the Weirdest Things Found in Guys’ Bathrooms

Men have weird bathrooms. I already knew this, as a dude who’s done my share of odd bathrooming, but I didn’t know it as hard as I know it now that I’ve scrolled through this tweet thread.

The horrors and oddities you will find here can never be unseen, so be warned. Be they from a house, apartment, dorm, school, or just a plain ol’ public men’s room, the things shown and described here defy all reason and are sure to leave you changed forever… to some degree.

But if you’re curious still, scroll on. And see what Twitter hath for thee.

11. The combo

For those keeping score at home, this would appear to be some ungodly hybrid of a plunger and a “toilet” brush.

10. Safety first

I cannot fathom how this is working.

9. No words

We’ll have no bones about it.

8. Jeff go boom

You were so busy trying to find out if you could do it that you forgot to ask if you should.

7. Bird is the word

He is clearly trying to think something through, please leave him be.

6. Orange you glad?

The juice is most definitely loose.

5. Absolutely blinding

Honestly I could maybe use something like that.

4. Storage solutions

We’ve found it. We’ve found the single most “Kyle” photo that will ever grace the internet.

3. Magically delicious

I have so many questions and I want none of them answered.

2. Super sword

Um. Why.

1. Be my guest

My companion, my second, my number two, if you will.

I may never poop again.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in a bathroom?

Tell us in the comments.

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A Woman’s Question Kicks Off Weird Parade of “Boy Bathroom” Discoveries

Twitter user @JodieeGrace may or may not have known what she was getting herself into when she tweeting the following:

Far from being an isolated incident of weirdness, responses on Twitter began to pour in by the thousands. You may think you know the sort of thing you’re about to see, but trust me, you probably don’t.

Some were text descriptions while other provided photo or even video receipts, some were from private homes while others originated in public bathrooms or shared dorm facilities. No matter where they came from, the message was clear: we guys gotta get our s**t together when it comes to bathrooms.

10. White boy summer

Hey man, you gotta let it grow somewhere.

9. Bag it up

Some kid out there very nearly understands how a toilet works.

8. What’s the story?

Actually nevermind, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear it.

7. Soup’s on

Why was somebody eating in the bathroom and how sure are you that that was soup?

6. Taking a dump

It’s hard work, but somebody’s gotta do it.

5. Dear diary

Been sitting here for as long as I can remember now.
I may literally be getting too old for this s**t.

4. Only the essentials

I get the magazine but why the country cro-oooooooh.

3. Drip drip drip

“My lights are leaking.”
“Are you high again?”
“Yes but that’s irrelevant.”

2. Morning snack

This is gonna put me off my dinner, I swear.

1. Travel the world

Ah the glorious life of a pilot.

Well, that’s enough of that. You only get one set of eyes in this life.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in a bathroom?

Tell us in the comments.

The post A Woman’s Question Kicks Off Weird Parade of “Boy Bathroom” Discoveries appeared first on UberFacts.

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Tweets for People Who Are Perpetually Single

There are people out there who, once they’re out of a relationship, are immediately getting back into the game, and within a week or two are probably dating someone new.

I’ve never understood that. I don’t get it. It takes me forever to recover. And I know I’m not alone in that. I know that a lot of y’all, like me, are pretty much perpetually single, and that it’s a state of mind that you kind of get used to and learn to laugh at, because, hey, it’s your thing.

To help us laugh along about it, here are some funny tweets. From single Twitter funny peeps.

10. The cycle continues

Look, it’s been a very long afternoon, we’ve been through a lot together.

9. Lonely hearts club

Hey now, let’s not make any sweeping conclusions.

8. The big sleep

And they said that romance was dead.

7. Hoping and praying

And how has that gone for you so far?

6. The realization

The grass is always greener on the other side of the bed.

5. So extra

Ooo, look at me, I can afford “avocado” and “breakfast.”

4. Unsolved mysteries

We can’t know. There’s just no way to know.

3. Remember these steps

It might just save your life.

2. The cold light of day

To be fair, nothing is as fun sober.

1. Red flag alert

Cut your losses and live your life.

Being single can be a drag but it’s not all bad. I mean, consider this: you get all the oreos to yourself.

What’s the best part of being single to you?

Tell us in the comments.

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10 People Share the Worst Marriage Advice They Ever Got

It seems like when you get married, or are even thinking of getting married, people fall all over themselves to try to give you advice about it…

…especially if you didn’t ask.

And unsurprisingly, a lot of it turns out to be bad.

A ton of people chimed in after this prompt on Twitter. Let’s see what “words of wisdom” really aren’t.

10. Hard work

Isn’t this supposed to be like, an enjoyable part of my life?
Why should I expect it to be so miserable?

9. The good fight

Believe it or not there are ways to communicate that don’t involve constant quarreling.

8. Sexpectations

Believe it or not there are other things.

7. You are his

In a romantic sense, sure, in an ownership sense, nope nope nope nope nope.

6. The conversion rate

I guess it probably depends on how seriously you each take your faith.

5. Don’t get comfy

So you want me to spend the rest of my life uncomfortable?

4. You’ll always wonder

Yeah, this seems like a sad justification.

3. Happy wife, happy life

This mentality has always sort of reeked of “marriage is all about running around trying to make sure your wife isn’t angry” and painted, for me, a pretty grim picture of the idea.

2. Just kidding

Pretty absurd and insulting.

1. Hit the joint

Some couples find that keeping general finances separate saves them a lot of headaches.

So, if you want some good marriage advice, maybe just follow the opposite of all that.

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever gotten?

Tell us in the comments.

The post 10 People Share the Worst Marriage Advice They Ever Got appeared first on UberFacts.

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People Shared Their Injuries That Are Just Too Dumb

Our bodies are just plain weird.

I mean on the one hand they’re these fascinatingly complex machines forged by eons of adaptation and struggle and death and trial and error, and on the other hand if you look at them weird they kinda fall apart.

That’s the lesson that many people on Twitter are learning.

Oh but it gets worse. Here are some more examples.

14. Bunt it

I think it’s safe to say you’re out.

13. Bemused

Yeah that sounds about right.

12. Hot times

This kid is going places. I don’t know where, but places.

11. Way up high

This is like some absolutely horrific version of slapstick.

10. What are ya, chicken?

Seems like you should just stay away from animals forever.

9. The blackout

At least you were around a nurse?

8. The wall

You’re gonna have to back up a minute and walk me through this.

7. A delicate balance

This hurts so much to read.

6. So romantic

The things that young men think women will be impressed by for some reason never cease to amaze me.

5. Just to be safe

Don’t do drugs, kids.

4. Back to basics

Totally worth it though.

3. Sock it to me

Ageing is a lot of fun.

2. Headfirst

You really gotta brace yourself.

1. Hippo impressions

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, kids are dangerous.

I need to go put on some bandages. Just in case.

What’s your dumbest injury?

Tell us the tale in the comments.

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Tweets to Help You Make Sense of the World

Were you aware that it’s time to go? Go to the Twitterverse, go watch the show? Did you see that it’s time to be? Be at one with the Twitter in thee?

Genuinely I did not start writing that first sentence with the intention of turning it into a bad poem. It just sort of happened. That’s how inspired I am by these funny tweets. They’re lifting me to a new plane of existence.

And now, you can be lifted too.

10. The brand deal

Make it look like you’re richer than you are with this one neat trick.

9. Fed up

I mean, I knew that, but you don’t have to rub it in.

8. Thai me down

Let me just buy a week’s worth of ingredients for a dish I will never ever attempt to make again.

7. Working it out

Whatever gets that heart beating fast.

6. Long story short

Just say “long story” so people know what they’re in for and can prep accordingly.

5. It gets better?

You’re never gonna feel like you get it.

4. On the sly

Nancy with the hot goss.

3. Bill’s coming due

Don’t worry, they didn’t mean any of it either.

2. Beneath the mask

This is how I feel about literally all reality shows.

1. The road to nowhere

As someone who frequently road trips across the midwest, can confirm.

Image Credit: Pleated Jeans

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This tweet list is over,
I bid you adieu!

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.

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Fellas…We Need to Talk About These Tweets

Guys, we need to talk about some things.

We’re gettin’ called out on Twitter and rightfully so. Don’t take this as a time to get all defensive and rev up for a fight, just listen for a minute, maybe laugh along a bit, and let’s all just try to make the world slightly better, starting with us, eh?

Here are a few things that have been brought to our attention.

13. Decisions, decisions

Don’t get mad at the symptoms before you’ve taken a second to understand the disease.

12. Reverse!

Not everybody needs you to save them. Get that bread.

11. Across state lines

Ok but for serious tho.

10. It’s fine, period

Honestly guys, grow up. Yeah human bodies are weird as heck but we all got ’em.

9. “Boys will be boys”

This is a cause I firmly believe in.

8. Oh come on

Learn to find solutions for both of ya’ll.

7. Braided together

Don’t pull this on people who work for you, leave them be.

6. Mansplain

It’s all fun and games until you devastate yourself like this.

5. Passing the bar

Are we just belittling for fun?

4. The shame game

Just don’t.

3. The double standard

All jokes aside it’s really sickening.

2. Just talking

I dunno man, what were you saying before?

1. Very mature

I never heard either but I get it.

There we go. That wasn’t so bad, huh? Now let’s try to be decent people…. if that’s even possible.

What might you add to this list of observations?

Tell us in the comments.

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Tweets That Will Make Your Day A Lot Better

It’s that time of day again. That time when we all look at Twitter for a while and laugh.

Sounds good? Do I need to sell you on it any more than that? Didn’t think so. Let’s get to the tweets.

14. The Shining (1980)

Come feed us forever and ever.

13. A broken record

My how the turntables have turned.

12. Community organization

I mean for non-laundry related political causes.

11. Let them eat cake

Is that even edible?

10. Just a little hit

Hey, that’ll do it.

9. Down by the ranch

Ok for real, if you’re the person processing this order, how do you not call and double check?

8. Feeling IL

As a person who lives in Chicago and almost never has reason to be in any other IL city or town, I concur.

7. Moving swiftly

Nobody needs to know about all that.

6. Looking back

We’ll all be listening to the music of our youth forever.

5. Bowl me over

If it’s stupid and it works…

4. The power

The chaos.

3. High class glass

For only the most extravagant occasions.

2. Book it

Did they say anything about buying new video games before I’d played through the ones I’ve got?

1. What a croc

But why would anyone want these.

Adding all of those to my favorites so I can never forget this beautiful moment we’ve shared together. Thank you for being a part of it.

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Tweets That Will Make Your Day A Lot Better appeared first on UberFacts.