Category: tweets

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Do You Remember Chuck E. Cheese? These Tweets Bring Back ALL the Nostalgia!

It might seem like Chuck E. Cheese is a relic of the past. If you don’t have kids, you probably haven’t been inside one in years, and if you do have kids, you’ve probably also not been inside one – or anywhere else – for many moons, either.

Also, now that you’re an adult, the shine has definitely worn off, right? The place is dirty, there are definitely germs everywhere, and just thinking about the ball pit makes me want to gag.

That said, these 15 tweets might just take you back to the good ol’ days when it was the place to be – the stuff birthday party dreams were made of – and if you ask me, a little nostalgia is never a bad thing.

15. Huh. I never really thought about it that way.

Where can a kid not be a kid?

14. Of course it is.

You don’t need to know this to like, know this. Like, in your bones.

13. No one was going near that stage.

They might be alive. You never know for sure.

12. Through the eyes of a parent.

But honestly…it doesn’t sound like a bad way to pass a Saturday afternoon.

11. I literally just shuddered.

Anyone who was weaned on the original Chuck E. Cheese is stone cold.

10. Only the 80s could produce this mascot.

Our parents were like, “eh, sure. Why the hell not?”

9. I’m sure there was a subconscious reason.

Like he’s scary as sh%t.

8. Did someone just…make all of this up?

Because I have some followup questions.

7. Which is really a shame.

For everyone involved.

6. The face I just made.

Do not, under any circumstances, eat off the floor of a Chuck E. Cheese unless you’re trying to get superpowers. Or kill yourself.

5. It’s all in how you look at it, love.

Live a little! Dance with meningitis!

4. Is the pizza…good?

I honestly have no recollection.

3. How many stars?

At least the skeeball wasn’t broken. That would have been the real day the music died.

2. Me yelling at every band, to be honest.

Why do they think we’re still buying their records?

1. I have no idea what I just watched.

But I am in no way mad about it.

 

Ahhhh I can almost smell the pizza and see the creepy animatronics now.

Did you have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese? Was it the best? Tell us about it in the comments!

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People Share What They Think Will Make a “Happy” Marriage

I remember when I was young, my dad said to me, “Son, before you ever get married, you make sure you do one thing to prepare.”

“What’s that, papa?” I asked, a gleam in my eye and wonder in my soul.

“Before you should propose, I think it only right you open up Twitter and scroll through for a while and figure out what a bunch of internet strangers have to say about being hitched. Write those down as a set of principles, and go from there.”

“I will, dad. I will.”

Today, I fulfill that promise.

12. The fry rule

Every day is fry day if you keep the peace enough.

11. The inverse volume law

Well but see that’s when it gets boring though.

10. The playing doctor ritual

These are things we really need to keep an eye out for.

9. The stand-up stare-down

One of us is going to blink first and it ain’t gonna be me.

8. The frosting fortune

It’s too bad, we really had a nice thing going.

7. Corporate culture

Never have I smelled something on this scale before.

6. The call and response

Some things transcend life itself.

5. The rescue reminder

Gotta keep him on a tight leash.

4. League placement anxiety

I can’t let this fall apart on me now.

3. Butter habits

There’s very little that fatty foods can’t fix.

2. The tea trade-off

Hey, we’re not here to kink-shame.

1. The pass-out principle

God I’m so envious of people who can just sleep like this.

And with those bits of knowledge, you and I are both ready. Will you marry me?

What’s your best piece of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

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Hilarious Posts for People in a Love/Hate Relationship with Marriage

The Greek philosopher Socrates once said “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

It seems that a lot of people on Twitter are caught somewhere between good and bad with their spouses and have thus turned into tongue-in-cheek-happy philosophers.

If you don’t understand what I mean, have a look for yourself.

13. If wishing made it so…

Ah, I see what you did there.

12. You’re toast

Why are these things still the most fickle pieces of technology?

11. Work, work, work

We’re all learning brand new things about each other.

10. Sock it to ’em

It’s called the clothes pile and it’s a sacred place.

9. Standard definition

Oh cool so we’re getting a divorce then?

8. The great outdoors

Wow, you’re practically an explorer.

7. On a roll

But did he put it overhand or underhand? Because there is a correct answer.

6. The cold shoulder

Is this dude famous on Twitter JUST for having an annoying marriage?

5. In the mood

We gotta set real expectations for those coming of age.

4. Seek and ye shall find

Solid medical burn right there. Gotta get you to the burn unit.

3. Birds of a feather

I guess we all gotta have a hobby.

2. Shower power

I mean it’s either that or talking about things that bother you.

1. Yes man

Good thing ya’ll are married then, I guess?

I wish you all happy marriages, and happy philosophizing.

What’s your best bit of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

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Check Out 12 of the Little Unspoken Joys of Marriage

Marriage is one of humanity’s oldest institutions and the source of a fair bit of our controversies.

But on a smaller scale, it’s the framework in which you can just get mad at each other for opening cans wrong or whatever.

But don’t take it from me, take it from the actually married couples of Twitter.

12. Sleep tight

I don’t know if you really knee’d me all that much.

11. Shop around

Never shop on an empty stomach.

10. Whose job is it anyway?

Join us tomorrow, same time, same channel!

9. Chew on this

Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.

8. Pack it in

But do you just toss in a couple shirts and pants or do you prepare like you’re going to be staying at that hotel for the next four years?

7. Stay on target

It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

6. Can’t get it back in the tube

These are the kinds of peacekeeping measures our leaders should imitate.

5. Just checking in

Didn’t know if I needed to call the cops or whatever.

4. Well blended

Try to use it to make him something delicious right away, he’ll forget he was mad.

3. This is the way

Ah, alright, I’ll just stop living then.

2. Let them eat cake

Why must we play these games?

1. Spoon feeding

Ok we’ve been joking around a lot but this is serious – some kind of heavy intervention is warranted here.

To all the married folks – here’s to you. Try not to kill each other.

What’s marriage like in your experience?

Tell us in the comments.

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12 of the Most Amusing Things Kids Ever Said

When I was a kid, I realized that as we got older, we got taller. So far so good. I was also informed by my mom that some day, I would most likely be taller than my older sister, since boys tend to be taller than girls on average.

With these two bits of information in my head, I came to the conclusion that one day, I would be older than my older sister. I was elated. Because age means seniority, and seniority is power. Soon I would be at the top of the pecking order. I lorded this over her, only to have her shut it down with a “no, that’s not how it works.”

I was livid. Inconsolable. My dumb kid brain couldn’t put it all together. But it makes for a funny story now. Just like these tweets!

12. I’m sorry?

We need to find a new way to communicate this sentiment in English.

11. I said IF

That kid’s gonna grow up to have an anxiety disorder.

10. Screen it

It’s fun to have superpowers for just a little while.

9. Pig out

She a little confused but she got the spirit.

8. The nug

He’s just trying to improve the recipe, why won’t you live a little?

7. Baby you’re a firework

It’s gonna be an explosive realization later in life.

6. The nose knows

Riiiiight, that’s your story and your sniffing to it.

5. Ahoy there!

Hey, as long as they’ve got a name to attach to it.

4. Sleepy time

Sounds like you need to find a better dealer, kid.

3. Master of sneak

Kids love this game and every single one of them is horrible at it.

2. A magical realm

Not sure if this really happened or not but man is it funny.

1. Cyber sleuth

*Hacker voice* I’m in.

From the mouths of babes, am I right?

What’s a dumb thing a kid has said to you?

Tell us in the comments.

The post 12 of the Most Amusing Things Kids Ever Said appeared first on UberFacts.

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These People Are Living Their Best Married Lives

Audrey Hepburn once said “If I get married, I want to be very married.”

She was married and divorced twice in her life, so it seems like maybe she accomplished the goal of being very married, and good for her.

A lot of other people who fit that description seem to be mostly hanging out on Twitter, complaining/venting/joking about it to the rest of us.

Just take these very married tweets for example.

13. Special delivery

Ya gotta keep things fresh, yanno.

12. Flavor of love

Kinda sounds like you’re both childish but ok.

11. Folding in

Pay attention, because this is going to be extremely important, apparently.

10. Not ok

These are the signs that you are officially slipping into old age.

9. Play the fool

You gotta pay attention.

8. Very alarming

If this were me we’d be sleeping in separate bedrooms. Maybe separate houses.

7. Sleepy time

You set a new record!

6. I scream, you scream

How else am I to enjoy a cool Summer treat in the winter?

5. You’ve been replaced

Your one function on this earth has now been eliminated.

4. A toast to you!

Look don’t make me say it again.

3. A special meeting

Now, if you’ll all open up your binders…

2. The reason for the season

He’s gonna be real confused when those fifty boxes turned out to be one tie, somehow.

1. Must see TV

You know that you can’t look away.

Welp, it doesn’t get much more married than that.

What’s your best bit of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

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Funny Tweets That Are Sure to Make You Chuckle

You sure look like you could use some laughs.

Am I right, or am I right?

I think I’m right!

Hey, you’re not alone! We could all use a little sunshine in our lives right about now.

And we think these funny tweets are a good start. Let’s take a look!

1. I have a feeling that they probably did…

That’s just my hunch.

2. Duh! Who doesn’t know this?

Jeez, some people…

3. You don’t need another one.

Just trust us on this one.

4. You’re at that phase, too?!?!

Hey, join the club!

5. Those were the good old days.

Just constantly looking at your phone? I miss it!

6. I’m just here because I enjoy this.

Oh, you’re actually here to do business?

7. I still didn’t know this until just now.

Thank you for the information!

8. This year didn’t go as planned.

Hey, there’s always next year…

9. Let’s change this whole thing up!

I bet you can find someone to fund this idea.

10. That oughta do it.

Just a little snack.

11. You’ll be checking it every 30 seconds.

But remember to take it out so it doesn’t explode.

12. I agree with you on this one.

Why couldn’t he have been a little bit more chill?

13. Yeah, what about us?!?!

Throw us a bone, will ya?

Okay, ladies and gents, now we want to hear from you.

In the comments, please share some funny stuff you’ve seen that has made you laugh on social media lately.

We’re excited to see what you come up with!

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Funny Tweets That Really Hit the Spot!

It’s about that time again…

Time to sit back, kick your feet up, crack open a cold beverage of your choice, and enjoy some hilarious tweets! Come on, you know you want to!

And I gotta tell you, these tweets really hit the spot in a major way. I’m talking about that sweet spot where your funny bone just feels like it can’t take it anymore.

We like to call it “laughter overload.”

So what do you say? Are you ready to get busy with all this funny business? Let’s check it out!

1. You’re in the wrong ‘hood.

It gets scary out there…

2. This is gonna get weird.

And I don’t think there will be a second date!

3. Hahahah. I really hope he said that.

I have my fingers crossed on this one.

4. Oh, NOW it’s not a contest?

When did that happen?

5. Your body is a temple.

But I never said what kind of temple…

6. You clearly read the book.

Did that pick-up line work?

7. Soaking wet carrots.

They’re always like that, aren’t they?

8. Can I get some foregiveness?

That would sure be nice?

9. He’ll totally think you’re paying attention.

Just trust us on this one…

10. Sure, you were…

And so was I…

11. Pick out a new weekly outfit, okay?

And yes, you’ll get 7 full days out of it.

Now it’s your turn!

Have you seen any hilarious tweets lately that you really loved?

If the answer is YES, please share them with us in the comments.

Thanks in advance!

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Funny Tweets for Your Viewing Pleasure

We want you to come and get it! What on Earth is this crazy person talking about, you might be asking yourself? Well, I’m gonna fill you in!

We’re here today to present you with yet another batch of funny tweets that we’ve carefully hand-selected to make you laugh your *sses off!

What else do you need, really?

The answer is NOTHING. Nothing at all…

And we are almost 100% certain that these tweets will make you laugh so hard, you might not even have an *ss anymore…so just be sure to check when you’re done looking at this stuff, okay?

Okay, enough with the chit chat, let’s get it on!

1. Come on! Come on!

I thought this only happened in elevators…

2. Don’t pray for him anymore.

I think that’s enough! Thanks though!

3. Throw it back to you.

Is that cool?

4. You always have to check.

Just in case…

5. Give me another.

And keep ’em coming!

6. I think you’re getting a divorce.

Are you happy now?

7. He had to do it.

You know he couldn’t pass that up!

8. That’s the good stuff!

More of that, please!

9. Bill did it again.

He always makes it all about him.

10. The pain I have caused others…

Take some time for yourself to reflect…

11. This is really all you need to know.

Get rid of all your other books.

12. The candles number looks a little bit off.

Just a thought…

How about you?

Have you seen any funny tweets lately that you really love?

If so, please share them with us in the comments. Thanks!

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Are You Married? These Funny Tweets Should Look Familiar.

There are some things about marriage that are just universal: arguing over how the dishwasher was arranged, arguing about whose turn it is to take the dog outside, arguing about the wallpaper, etc.

Are you noticing a theme here?

Yes, we’re talking about arguing. And bickering. Because you know it’s all true.

But there’s some really great stuff about marriage, too, right?

Right…?

I’ll let you ponder that question while you read these hilarious tweets about marriage. Enjoy!

1. That thing is now in a landfill.

It was good while it lasted…

2. Remember five years ago…

NEVER LET HIM FORGET.

3. What’s the point of all this?

Mass chaos isn’t going to work in this household.

4. You always have to keep reminding them.

Hey, that’s your JOB.

5. I’m not sure what you’re talking about, honey.

That was a close call.

6. Who knew that this would be rude?

I really had no idea.

7. What’s the WiFi password?

I’ve told you a million times!

8. This is really not easy.

But somebody’s gotta do it.

9. That is what true love is all about.

Life can be beautiful!

10. No, you stop yelling!

And around and around you go.

11. Just keep asking “why” all the time.

It’s enough to drive them crazy!

12. You won this round.

Nice work!

Okay, now we want to hear from all of you out there.

In the comments, give us a life update and tell us how everything is going.

Are you and your spouse getting along or are you both climbing the walls?

We’re here to listen to you!

The post Are You Married? These Funny Tweets Should Look Familiar. appeared first on UberFacts.