These Tweets Show, Once Again, That Women Are Funnier Than Men

The ladies of Twitter are out in FULL FORCE in this article, bringing down the house with laughter once again!

Check out these 12 tasty examples of what happens when you give a woman a phone, a sense of humor and A LOT of time…

1. Watch out Spidey!

spider-man: weird your rug looks just like a giant piece of paper

me: [sneaking up behind him with enormous cup] that ?? weird

— Jill la Jill (@JillianKarger) August 8, 2019

2. Okay… I can see that…

The male equivalent of getting bangs is thinking about doing stand up

— Brown Peggy Olson (@ahdiv_me) August 4, 2019

3. Bitchy stopping face…

This is what everyone looks like at the end of a video when they’re stopping the video: pic.twitter.com/olsgC6hQLI

— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) August 2, 2019

4. Gurrrrrllllll…

30-50 feral hogs? sounds like my dating history lmao

— Lucy Valentine (@LucyXIV) August 5, 2019

5. I got that green dumb…

houseplants b like due to personal reasons i will be passing away…

— ???? (@sailormarspimp) August 3, 2019

6. Can’t tell the difference!

michael cera is trending so i’d like to make it publicly known that i am his doppelgänger pic.twitter.com/d7U0bza7ca

— naomi (@nayohmee) August 6, 2019

7. Yes. That is true.

*eats soup* you’re telling me an alphabet made this?

— Andrea Long Chu (@theorygurl) August 8, 2019

8. When he right, he right…

I was crying and my bf said “look at yourself. You’re wearing your big hoops and this is not big hoop attitude” you right boo

— Chelsey Mills (@Chels_Mills_) August 3, 2019

9. Perfect

my sister got a tattoo of our parents and… I — pic.twitter.com/BNhvJyNOAV

— ciara (@casualciara) August 6, 2019

10. #HotGirlSummer

Was feeling mad bummed out all day so I ate sushi and a cheeseburger and a brownie sundae and the good news is I am now in too much physical pain to notice my emotions

— Kat Timpf (@KatTimpf) August 5, 2019

11. Define “safe”

H E Y

POT TER Y

B A R N AR E Y

OU S U RE I T'S

"DISHWASHER SAFE" pic.twitter.com/Zo8TAVyOjH

— Ashley Mayer (@ashleymayer) August 9, 2019

12. She’s fine boys!

the other night my boyfriend & i got drunk together, i went to go to the bathroom & guess i was in there too long, so he told me if i’m okay to grab the cheezit pic.twitter.com/jI35CmmWRE

— nicole (@NTBnicole13) August 3, 2019

Ahhhhh… now that felt good.

*le sigh*

The post These Tweets Show, Once Again, That Women Are Funnier Than Men appeared first on UberFacts.

August 17, 2019

People on Twitter Can’t Understand a Couple Who Claims They Don’t Have a “Side” of the Bed

What kind of monsters don’t have an assigned side of the bed with their partner?

The kind of monsters who are friends with journalist Jeff Stein…

Several months ago, a couple we are friends with said they don’t sleep on the same side of the bed every night. As in, every night when they get into bed, they don’t know who will sleep on which side. Still blows my mind

— Jeff Stein (@JStein_WaPo) July 27, 2019

In every couple, there is an unspoken agreement (and nightstand full of crap you rarely need) that sits next to the side of the bed that is “yours.” That’s just the way of things, and it’s the way it should be…except for this one couple who thinks they can just sleep willy-nilly on whichever side of the bed the feel like plopping onto on a given night.

Stein admitted that though it seemed like anarchy to him, maybe there was something to it.

I gotta say while it seems like pure anarchy to me I’m also at least a little intrigued by the idea. To overthrow the chains of convention, end every night by starting anew, and let all that is solid to melt into air….

— Jeff Stein (@JStein_WaPo) July 27, 2019

Twitter was on my side, though, and basically thought those people should never speak of their strange bedroom practice again.

How do they know if they wake up on the 'wrong side of the bed'? pic.twitter.com/M5PW0tPLb2

— barrieblonde (@barrieblonde) July 28, 2019

Because who would do this?!

If one of us accidentally falls asleep on the wrong side, we need to wake up and move. My god, we aren’t animals.

— Matthew SNOWFLAKEAF (@mshalk) July 28, 2019

It makes no sense!

We swap sides in hotel rooms. I thought that was pretty progressive. These folks are radicals!

— Ryan (@AuraLeeHarvey) July 27, 2019

Do you want chaos to reign in your bedroom?

Whoa… even when we're on vacation we keep the same relative sides. I don't think we could sleep otherwise.

— Nervous Squirrel (@Ratat0sk) July 29, 2019

What’s next? Cannibalism?

Personal log 10:02 The humans still do not suspect us.

14:17 *engage SmallTalk mode + SocialAnalysis mode*

We like sports.
(Positive result.)

Yes, your baby is beautiful.
(Positive result)

We have no set sides of the bed.
(Why are we on fire?)

— Mr Dysphemistic (@manyshovels) July 27, 2019

There really isn’t excuse for this…

burn your sources. this is a fucked up thing to grant anonymity for

— the norms misser (@cd_hooks) July 27, 2019

They should be locked up…

Bold of you to admit you’re friends with serial killers publicly.

— Alanah Pearce (@Charalanahzard) July 28, 2019

Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme.

I broke up with someone who wanted to do this

— politics and poetry (@rebelpioneer) July 27, 2019

These are important questions, y’all, and idk maybe we need a follow-up interview or something.

Or maybe there are some things we just don’t want to know details on…

The post People on Twitter Can’t Understand a Couple Who Claims They Don’t Have a “Side” of the Bed appeared first on UberFacts.

August 10, 2019

15+ Tweets People Shared About Being a Hot Mess

Hot mess express, am I right?

A lot of people call themselves a “hot mess” but how many actually LIVE IT!? Because a lot of you all like to self-shame to get attention and show how humble you can be… but we all know you’re not REALLY a mess. So you’re just low-key bragging.

We see you!

For all those REAL hot messes out there, these tweets are for you!

1. No compromise

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. I have some too

Photo Credit: Twitter

3. Punish yourself

Photo Credit: Twitter

4. That was a bad move

Photo Credit: Twitter

5. Fix me

Photo Credit: Twitter

6. Who you honkin’ at?

Photo Credit: Twitter

7. That might do the trick

Photo Credit: Twitter

8. This is awful

Photo Credit: Twitter

9. Nap time

Photo Credit: Twitter

10. Come find me

Photo Credit: Twitter

11. Not OK

Photo Credit: Twitter

12. Failure

Photo Credit: Twitter

13. Shocking

Photo Credit: Twitter

14. Downward spiral

Photo Credit: Twitter

15. I wonder why?

Photo Credit: Twitter

16. There you are!

Photo Credit: Twitter

17. Vicious cycle

Photo Credit: Twitter

Hope you enjoy all the hot messiness that entailed!

Share your own hot messes in the comments!

The post 15+ Tweets People Shared About Being a Hot Mess appeared first on UberFacts.

August 10, 2019

15 Things That Really Bother Your Starbucks Barista

There are more than a few things that customers do that, after a few hundred shifts, really get under your skin if you work in the service industry.

Baristas serve coffee and delicious pastries day in and day out, and if there’s one making your mornings better (and more caffeinated), you’re going to want to make sure you’re not pissing them off by doing one of these 15 things.

15. Changing your order a million times.

Flat whites are my favorite drink to make from starbucks

You can’t just expect them to juggle ingredients and milks while you hem and haw.

14. Asking for ice water when you pick up your other order.

yes i have a venti water for free loader from starbucks

Just pay the 20 cents for the cup, loser.

13. Insisting they spell your name right.

Me: Ok can I have your name? Her: Sure, it’s Luci with an I. from starbucks

No, they don’t care.

12. Not using the trash can.

Anyone wanna tell me why another Starbucks made my gfs drink like this. She asked for whip and he dumped out her latte and put whip then a flat lid? She didn’t know any better to ask for a dome, there’s no way this could be policy right. from starbucks

Would your mother let you get away with that?

11. Acting like you’ve been waiting forever when you haven’t.

BOGO at Tarbucks with 1 espresso machine. FML from starbucks

There’s a system. We all need our coffee. Wait your turn.

10. Too many customizations.

Happy Sunday to everyone except Kate from starbucks

Seriously, you’re just trying to be difficult.

9. Getting annoyed if they ask you to repeat something.

When your SSV tells a car in DT it’s okay to place a 20 drink order… from starbucks

Big group orders are a pain no matter where you work.

8. Talking on the phone while you order.

This Starbucks has a TV screen menu??? from starbucks

This is so rude. Don’t do it.

7. Expecting them to interpret your mumble.

View this post on Instagram

Dropped by @starbucks today to treat everyone to one of my #CupsOfKindness drinks supporting @btwfoundation! $.25 from each one sold through 6/19 is donated to the Foundation! how did I do as a barista?

A post shared by Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) on Jun 16, 2017 at 2:54pm PDT

E-nunc-i-ate. Also it’s loud in here.

6. Not being ready when you get to the front of the line.

All of these drinks got placed in a mobile order 20 minutes before the 50% happy hour from starbucks

5. Pointing and ordering “that.”

Use your words, folks.

4. Asking “is that my drink?”

My name is Lucy from starbucks

Is your name on it? Then no.

3. Taking the wrong drink.

made a drink during my shift today that was so ungodly awful i had to make it for my friends and let them try it. it’s been accurately described as “pain in a cup” by another partner. from starbucks

Nope, still not your name.

2. Reaching over the counter.

My BOGO nightmare. All while our primary bar kept flooding the counter from starbucks

This is my dance space. This is your dance space.

1. Dumping your coffee in the trash to make room for cream.

View post on imgur.com

It’s called asking for “room” noobs.

Whew.

I think I’m good!

The post 15 Things That Really Bother Your Starbucks Barista appeared first on UberFacts.

August 7, 2019

15 People Share How Awful Airports Can Be

There are a few places on earth that most people could agree might be one of the circles of actual hell – the DMV, Walmart on a Saturday afternoon, and the airport all come to mind.

These 15 people tweeted from airports and honestly, I think they’re making an airtight case.

15. I mean you should have known better than to ask.

At the airport today, I asked my TSA agent how he was doing, and he said “just working at the TSA, where dreams go to die.” So everything is great.

— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) January 10, 2019

14. Just focus on comfort like the rest of us, Cheryl.

People who wear cute outfits to the airport, what are you doing

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 4, 2015

13. They’ve even managed to ruin the people watching.

Two guys in the airport bar are amazed a margherita pizza has no alcohol in it and they're the reason you can't leave bags unattended.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 23, 2016

12. Get it right, adults.

My favorite person at this airport is the little girl who keeps yell-insisting: "It's not a bag, it's my suitcase!"

— dadpression (@Dadpression) January 1, 2018

11. It’s a major commitment.

the most unrealistic thing about love actually is that someone will pick you up from the airport

— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) December 24, 2017

10. An accurate depiction.

The official seal of LaGuardia Airport is a sad family eating sadwiches on the floor

— Erin Ryan (@morninggloria) December 20, 2017

9. Deep thoughts.

Florida : ballot design :: New York : airport design

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) November 10, 2018

8. All you want to do is buckle in and get ready to hold your breath.

The time between getting to the airport and actually getting on the plane is the worst. So close to a nap, and yet so far.

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) September 3, 2018

7. It’s like the rapture happened except you went to hell instead.

Never felt as forsaken as I did from 2:30 to 4am at JFK airport

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) January 17, 2017

6. Someone was hungry.

i just heard a TSA agent say “i mean there’s passion & then there’s love” & shortly after, my chia pudding was confiscated, this has been another episode of airport

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 26, 2019

5. Freeing up your hands is an art form.

I will always admire anybody confidently strutting through the airport wearing a neck pillow.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 4, 2018

4. Are we sleeping together? Then no.

When someone asks for a ride to the airport pic.twitter.com/2VVS8o8iXj

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 22, 2017

3. If only Greek choruses were still a thing.

People ordering Frappuccinos at an overwhelmed airport Starbucks at 6:30 am should automatically be placed on the no-fly list

— Erin Ryan (@morninggloria) July 21, 2018

2. Gotta be prepared for those layovers.

I just took out a second mortgage on my house in case I get hungry at the airport tomorrow.

— Tracie Tom (@tracietom) July 24, 2018

1. That’s what you’ll look like in the bathroom mirror, too.

Waiting for my flight in this airport like… pic.twitter.com/dTRrcqoS6m

— Lilly Singh (@IISuperwomanII) December 18, 2016

Here’s to short layovers in your future!

The post 15 People Share How Awful Airports Can Be appeared first on UberFacts.

August 7, 2019

12 Funny Tweets That Have Lots of Laughs

It’s been a long day…

But rest assured, these 12 tweets are going to stand the test of time and be there for you when you need them…

12. We’ve got seconds for that.

Behind every strong woman is 5 other strong women who proofread her email real quick when they had a second

— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) April 25, 2016

11. Wanna borrow it for the day?

i pulled out my insulin pump in class and sarah leans over and goes “is that the new iphone 10!?”. fuck u sarah it’s diabetes

— Jake Hullinger (@_LitRomney) December 5, 2017

10. I feel seen.

me:
white woman’s kitchen:

H
E
L ????
L &&
O ??????

yum

coffee

john 3:16

— ً (@taIIant) March 7, 2019

9. snort

how'd he have time to write all those plays then pic.twitter.com/O6I4qc4YPY

— #softmom (@tatianawrites) March 20, 2017

8. Oh and here’s my cool card just keep it.

[slipping DJ $20] my good sir would you turn it down a skooch

— Mark Magark (@markedly) December 2, 2017

7. Very good advice.

I’ve learned in my 27 years of life that you cannot send 2 questions to a man in the same text message, or separate messages before receiving a reply to the first one. You will only get an answer to one of your questions. Simple creatures. Slow down for them.

— peach (@paigelokkesmoe) March 11, 2019

6. Now tell your brother you’re sorry.

our cats had a fight and my parents are trying to make them resolve it lol pic.twitter.com/O7IHihmPo1

— allie oetken (@allieoets) June 26, 2016

5. You know it’s confusing.

stop naming your babies James. name him Jame. he is one Jame.

— kelly johnson (@ohheyohhihello) November 13, 2017

4. All valid.

socrates: to do is to be

plato: to be is to do

scooby: do be do

— lemonard mouth (@avantnard) March 13, 2019

3. Sick burn.

"Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know"

Me: wow 3 kids… those are pretty damn permanent CAROL

— Emily Barry (@EmiBarry) July 26, 2017

2. Goals.

I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend "are you ready to fucking rage" as they walked into target together and that's what I want

— k80 (@kpfeffss) June 25, 2017

1. It’s not the 70s, people.

no one:

not a soul:

literally NOBODY:

me: pic.twitter.com/896bahseZM

— sarah (@cmbgaga) March 21, 2019

We’ll see if I’m right in 5 years or more!

The post 12 Funny Tweets That Have Lots of Laughs appeared first on UberFacts.

August 5, 2019

A Guy Live Tweeted His Uncle and Grandpa’s Hearing Aid Appointment

As anyone who has older parents, aunts, uncles, or grandparents, knows, it can be hard for people to accept the fact that they need a little assistance with their hearing.

That said, as anyone who has tried speaking to one of these people without a hearing aid can attest, the results can be annoying and hilarious. And annoying.

Which is exactly the scenario that Ryan Kober found himself in when he took his uncle and grandfather to get their hearing aids checked.

It started the moment they climbed into the car. Ryan really had no choice, you can clearly see.

I'm bringing my grandpa and great uncle to get their hearing aids checked.
*they enter my car*
Uncle: See, I can hear you just fine, I don't need to go.
Me: I didn't say anything.
Uncle: What?
Grandpa: Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 24, 2019

The look on his face says that he’s questioning his sanity in volunteering for this outing.

Help pic.twitter.com/GO3nN0moUh

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 24, 2019

I mean. It was aloud? Right? Ha!

*doctor is giving my uncle a hearing test*
Grandpa: *LOUD HUMMING*
Me: Grandpa stop humming
Grandpa: YOU CAN HEAR THAT?

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 24, 2019

Humming in unison when they can’t hear each other takes some serious talent!

The doctor is out of the room and they are both humming very loudly in unison. I keep laughing and they keep thinking I'm talking to them.

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 24, 2019

Do they think they’re in the shower?

The doctor took out Grandpa's hearing aids to adjust them in the next room and now he's screaming/singing a broken English version of "It's A Small World After All"

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 24, 2019

You never know what you’re missing, I guess!

Now my uncle can hear himself so well he's whispering because he was so used to not hearing his own voice for so many years.

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 24, 2019

Meaning… EVERYTHING you’ve been missing.

*coming out of the bathroom*
Uncle: I can even hear myself pee! I can't believe it!

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 24, 2019

The results? Two happy customers.

The happy customers pic.twitter.com/1PrT8Q8EN7

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 24, 2019

And a happy internet.

Ummm I'll be on Access Hollywood at 7:30PM ET tonight talking about/doing bad impersonations of my Grandpa and Uncle because apparently my tweets about taking them to get their hearing aids checked got way more popular than I ever imagined
TOON IN I'M SO EXCITED!@accessonline pic.twitter.com/VI7ErY4eQD

— Ryan Kober (@GrizzlyKobear) June 28, 2019

What more could a person ask for, right?

The post A Guy Live Tweeted His Uncle and Grandpa’s Hearing Aid Appointment appeared first on UberFacts.

July 31, 2019

Funny Tweets About Moms Who Have Parenting down to a Science

Moms have a tough job. Can we all agree on that?

If you’re a mom and you’re on Twitter… you’ll appreciate these.

If you’re not on Twitter, well, quit messing around and get on there!

1.

Why I’m nervous all the time: subject lines from my mom (who I talk to EVERY DAY): pic.twitter.com/kJyXJYi0wX

— Maureen Johnson (@maureenjohnson) November 14, 2016

2.

So you guys wonder why I’m crazy. Cuz I was born from this lady.. My Mom’s master plan to take the garbage out pic.twitter.com/gKpc7xtdgi

— Graser (@Graser) December 28, 2016

3.

When your mom is mad at you and then you ask her to make breakfast pic.twitter.com/Cja2ajBIvV

— Stumbler Top (@StumblerTop) March 13, 2015

4.

im at Disney and this mother just told her son “this is the happiest place on earth, don’t make me slap you”

— The Communist (@htk_____) December 25, 2017

5.

Why’d my mom reply to a pic of my titties with this can she just let me be great for once pic.twitter.com/ttD3SeupiC

— #1 dad (@TATERTH0T) June 18, 2019

6.

Alright check this out lmao:

My mom seriously wanted me to stop drinking boba and made a PSA about it in our little family group chat: pic.twitter.com/D7bOHeWfbZ

— gigletttt (@gigletttt) June 23, 2019

7.

why does my mom have to talk like a robot when she’s mad at me pic.twitter.com/D8CznFHMI6

— Ylloh (@hollzmcnallz) February 14, 2017

8.

I don’t know why my mom came at me so hard pic.twitter.com/7D4jDQKbCB

— chris (@ChrisMoon__) February 14, 2019

9.

Why you gotta do this to me mom pic.twitter.com/qHvIUbj78p

— Kelly Koch (@kellymkoch) December 4, 2016

10.

my mom always holds onto the cart when I’m pushing it like WHY DOES SHE FIND ME SO UNCAPABLE OF PUSHING IT ON MY OWN pic.twitter.com/5V1k8Tj8KW

— Kom! (@komalammm) July 19, 2016

11.

my moms fed up pic.twitter.com/iTSEw00ab6

— savannah (@missssgeorge) October 10, 2017

Moms, how do you feel now? A lot better?

That’s what I thought…

The post Funny Tweets About Moms Who Have Parenting down to a Science appeared first on UberFacts.

July 21, 2019

People Share the Times They Were Savaged by Their Parents and Family

Writer Alanna Bennett’s mom savaged her and she just had to share the shame on Twitter…

Please tell me about a time your parents unintentionally dragged you within an inch of your life. I’ll go first: Once in college my mom sent me a care package that was just acne face washes and the book He’s Just Not That Into You

— alanna bennett (@AlannaBennett) March 26, 2019

Ouch.

And that memory has apparently never gone away.

I’ve tweeted about this before and I will tweet about it again because it haunts me to this day

— alanna bennett (@AlannaBennett) March 26, 2019

Once Alanna shared, you know other people wanted to jump in on the fun.

Like Julia’s dad and his hush money…

When I was 12, my dad passed a $20 to the person he thought was my sleep-away counselor for ‘putting up with me’ for four weeks. In front of me. Turns out it was the girl who had bullied me all summer.

— Julia Halpern (@jhalpy) March 27, 2019

Or Alan’s “gift”…

Around 10 years old I went to the birthday party 4 a female friend the same age. It was a last-minute invite and my mom bought a present. I had no idea what it was. Imagine my face as she opened the package girls panties. Pink yellow and white. Believe me I remember the colors.

— AlanRLibforLife (@AlanR00FER) March 27, 2019

Rita’s dad doesn’t know how to refer to breasts correctly…

The time my Dad told me I needed to buy a “brassiere” because I was starting to grow bosoms (which he pronounced “ba-zooms”). I was 10, and he said it in front of a friend.

— Rita Winters (@wintersritab) March 27, 2019

And Leigh’s dad is kind of a dick…

When I told my father that I didn’t want any children, he scoffed and said, “why? it’s not like you need to worry about losing your figure.”

— suddenleigh (@Suddenleigh88) March 28, 2019

Oh look! Another fun daddy/daughter exchange!

My parents showed up for my PhD graduation with my ‘dowry’ because as my dad said: “you aren’t get married anytime soon”. I bought great furniture with it.

— NCoviello@Lazaridis (@nicole_wlu) March 27, 2019

These parents are apparently SO proud!

Two years ago when I went home for thanksgiving my mom had put on the fridge:
-a picture of my sister and her husband
-a picture of my brother and his wife
-a selfie of me that she screengrabbed and printed from my instagram

— Carrie Soom (@iamcarriesoom) March 26, 2019

This dad had a solution for his picky eater…

I, a picky childhood eater, once complained loudly about what we were having for dinner and sat down to find a single pea on my plate, underneath a clear glass lid

— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) March 26, 2019

Oh hai cats!

My mom’s bio for her high school reunion had several sentences about my sister followed by “Karen isn’t married, but she does have a cat.”

— Karen Willenbrecht (@kdbrecht) March 27, 2019

Sometimes, siblings can make up for the savageness that parents can’t supply…

Not parents but Mom’s crazy sister: Christmas at our house, opening gifts. Uncle opens a fancy magnifying glass. Aunt turns to 13 yoa acne-riddled me holding it in my face & says “Oh look! I see a zit!”

— Prodigal Episcopalian (@BlumeLikeJudy) March 28, 2019

Or best friends!

I once got The Worst Case Scenario: Dating and Sex book from both my mum and best friend for my birthday, if that helps.

— Ruth Fry (@ruthiehooch) March 27, 2019

What are some savage moments your friends and family destroyed you with?

Personally, I have none. Me and my family always get along great and we support each other in everything we do. Always.

And if you believe that…

The post People Share the Times They Were Savaged by Their Parents and Family appeared first on UberFacts.

June 23, 2019

A Comedian Tweeted an Epic Play-By-Play of the Breakup Happening Right Next to Him

Comedian Kyle Ayers was just trying to enjoy the view on top of his NYC apartment building when a couple began breaking up right next to him. Instead of going back inside, he decided to stay out there and live tweet the whole thing. And boy are we glad he did.

Continue reading below to experience the entire epic saga for yourself.