Category: tweet

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People Share Tweets That Will Make Your Life Much Funnier Today

Twitter is a place where all kinds of things are happening all the time. I don’t know how better to explain it than that. You know stuff? You know how there’s a large variety of stuff?

Well, picture all of that variety happening simultaneously, and you’ve got Twitter.

Lucky for us, a lot of what rises to the top of that maelstrom is funny, and we get to laugh at it. Let’s do so now, shall we?

15. Speaking in code

Maybe he’s just trying to keep things interesting.

14. I am the night

Some people just live for the drama, I guess.

13. Bon Bon

We can’t know. There’s just no way to know.

12. Chuck him in

It may not be the righteous path, but it’s my path.

11. Who??

And your mom will watch an actor in 100 movies and still never know who they are.

10. Mask off

Pretty sure that’s what was happening already anyway.

9. Shoot for the floor

And you really can’t miss.

8. The fit

I don’t know why, but I find this really unsettling.

7. Know the difference

“Terrible, Incompetent Cats” is what the movie adaptation was originally called.

6. Atlas mewed

Carry on, celestial soldier.

5. I’m just sayin’

“Oh so NOW y’all wanna hear what we have to say, huh?”

4. The doors

Everything about this seems impractical.

3. It’s official

Sorry to be the one to break this news to you.

2. Birth giver

I’m not sure why so many of this thought this was a proper joke for so long.

1. By the fire

You make the best of things in this world.

Hope you enjoyed those!

Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.

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Funny Marriage and Relationship Tweets You Need To Check Out

I know what you’re going through: you just got into another argument with your significant other and you feel like really letting them know how you feel…

But let me give you some advice: just blow it off and laugh about it!

Instead of letting the situation escalate and explode, come visit us as much as you need to and we’ll make you laugh with funny tweets about livin’ that relationship life!

And we have a totally solid collection for you to look at today, friends.

So go lock yourself in a closet somewhere away from your partner and have some laughs!

Hey, you’re welcome…

1. The remote wars continue…

There’s really no escaping it once you’re married.

2. Sounds like a perfect marriage to me.

People, pay attention to this one.

3. What size am I, again?

That’s a little humiliating…

4. How does this whole thing work?

You either are a morning person or you’re not.

5. Hahaha. This is good.

Don’t you think this looks pretty familiar?

6. That sounds awesome!

Yes, dear…Yes, dear…Yes, dear…

7. That was a rude awakening.

I was planning on sleeping in today…

8. That’s true love, right there.

Romance is not dead, people!

9. Your husband and I have a lot in common.

Do you think it’s a little bit warm in here?

10. And around and around it goes.

Isn’t this great?!?!

11. You had a good run.

But he obviously made a fatal error.

Now we’d like to hear from you.

In the comments, tell us how everything is going in your relationship during these crazy times we’re living in.

Please and thank you!

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Delicious New Tweets For You to Enjoy

Do you sou smell that?

We’ve got some fresh out of the oven tweets for you here today. Home made and hot on the plate, just like Grandma used to make.

Savor each bite and enjoy these 14 new(ish) tweetly treats.

14. Let’s get physical

I looked at it for a solid 8 seconds before it clicked and now I feel stupid.

13. Attitude

A picture is worth at least a thousand words.

12. City slickers

Cool, so you know your way back out then?

11. At least you tried

Here, have some gym shorts for your face.

10. Growing older

Where’s all the wisdom that was supposed to come with this age?

9. Bottomless regret

That face when it’s noon and you’re already spent for the day.

8. Milky white

What we will and won’t put in our bodies is basically a crapshoot.

7. False dichotomy

Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

6. Quit your sass

Squidward is bitter because he knows in his heart he should have a better life.

5. Shut it down

Um, you sure? Cause I don’t think most states actually got the memo.

4. No peeping

If I need to write, delete, and repeat nine times before sending that’s my business.

3. Cat’s out of the bag

If you’re not about those felines how are you even living?

2. Let me get this straight

Is it weird that this is making me hungry?

1. Poor coverage

Well, I’m definitely getting mixed signals.

Absolutely deliciously delicious! Finally some good freakin’ internet food.

What do you go to Twitter for?

Tell us in the comments.

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Funny Tweets From People on the Struggle Bus

A philosopher once said, “Seek not perfection, seek only to live, for in living there – aw, dammit! I just spilled coffee all over my smock. My NEW smock. Dad was right, I’ll never make it as a philosopher. Stupid Carl. STUPID.” And you know what? He was right.

Here are tweets from ten people who are trying and failing and trying again.

10. Skin deep

Honestly even the fact that you’re talking about cleaning your room seems a little braggy to me.

9. High standards

When you realize that you may not be the catch you imagine yourself to be.

8. Don’t mind me

When you’re so in the moment you can’t smell your kitchen on fire.

7. Minimalism

I’m less concerned about the folding chair and more concerned about the two dozen paddles on the back wall.

6. Special delivery

I’ll bet he just ate all your fries and didn’t want to admit it.

5. This is just grate

How…how did you manage to get home like that?

4. The juice is loose

Gonna clean those things down to a pulp.

3. The pie goes on forever

Hey last time I checked you were my bank, not my mom.

2. Recipe for disaster

Honestly I thought the food might just be more impressive.

1. Shoe-less and clueless

At least you’re not stomping around trying to pretend your rights are being violated.

None of us has it fully together. And that’s ok. Just make sure to share your failures with others, because they’re usually really, really funny.

What’s been your biggest fail moment lately?

Tell us about it in the comments.

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Hilarious Questions Teachers Heard Over Zoom

Everyone agrees that teaching kids over Zoom isn’t ideal, but everyone – teachers, students, parents, administrators – has done their best to adapt.

Teachers, especially, have worked to give kids grace as everyone adapts to this new way of being or doing, which is good, since no one probably thought we’d be doing it quite so long.

There are plenty of downsides, but if there’s an upside, it’s that kids are hilarious, and they keep us on our toes – a fact these 12 comments totally prove!

12. Sometimes you’ve just gotta know.

But I mean, come on. Everyone likes grilled cheese.

11. Kid was really dealing with some stuff that day.

The first hangnail is quite the learning experience.

10. Teachers can learn things, too.

Especially the important stuff, like superheroes.

9. No, even though he could ha–

You know what? That’s a whole other discussion.

8. You have to know when they need a break.

Now more than ever.

7. You can teach them life lessons, too.

Unless you don’t know how to cook.

6. That’s what she’s been thinking about all this time.

We all get distracted, right?

5. It’s all over now.

Just go get the dog.

4. She did say they were done with their work.

What was she expecting?

3. I don’t know how the kinder teachers do it.

Those are just babies. They don’t know!

2. What a time to unmute yourself, kid.

Now we all get to find out together.

1. Just try to follow the train of thought.

You can’t. It’s a trick question.

Image Credit: Twitter

The kids are the things that are driving us crazy, but also keeping us sane at the same time, don’t you think?

If you’re a teacher, please add your story in the comments!

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Do You Remember Chuck E. Cheese? These Tweets Bring Back ALL the Nostalgia!

It might seem like Chuck E. Cheese is a relic of the past. If you don’t have kids, you probably haven’t been inside one in years, and if you do have kids, you’ve probably also not been inside one – or anywhere else – for many moons, either.

Also, now that you’re an adult, the shine has definitely worn off, right? The place is dirty, there are definitely germs everywhere, and just thinking about the ball pit makes me want to gag.

That said, these 15 tweets might just take you back to the good ol’ days when it was the place to be – the stuff birthday party dreams were made of – and if you ask me, a little nostalgia is never a bad thing.

15. Huh. I never really thought about it that way.

Where can a kid not be a kid?

14. Of course it is.

You don’t need to know this to like, know this. Like, in your bones.

13. No one was going near that stage.

They might be alive. You never know for sure.

12. Through the eyes of a parent.

But honestly…it doesn’t sound like a bad way to pass a Saturday afternoon.

11. I literally just shuddered.

Anyone who was weaned on the original Chuck E. Cheese is stone cold.

10. Only the 80s could produce this mascot.

Our parents were like, “eh, sure. Why the hell not?”

9. I’m sure there was a subconscious reason.

Like he’s scary as sh%t.

8. Did someone just…make all of this up?

Because I have some followup questions.

7. Which is really a shame.

For everyone involved.

6. The face I just made.

Do not, under any circumstances, eat off the floor of a Chuck E. Cheese unless you’re trying to get superpowers. Or kill yourself.

5. It’s all in how you look at it, love.

Live a little! Dance with meningitis!

4. Is the pizza…good?

I honestly have no recollection.

3. How many stars?

At least the skeeball wasn’t broken. That would have been the real day the music died.

2. Me yelling at every band, to be honest.

Why do they think we’re still buying their records?

1. I have no idea what I just watched.

But I am in no way mad about it.

 

Ahhhh I can almost smell the pizza and see the creepy animatronics now.

Did you have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese? Was it the best? Tell us about it in the comments!

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People Share What They Think Will Make a “Happy” Marriage

I remember when I was young, my dad said to me, “Son, before you ever get married, you make sure you do one thing to prepare.”

“What’s that, papa?” I asked, a gleam in my eye and wonder in my soul.

“Before you should propose, I think it only right you open up Twitter and scroll through for a while and figure out what a bunch of internet strangers have to say about being hitched. Write those down as a set of principles, and go from there.”

“I will, dad. I will.”

Today, I fulfill that promise.

12. The fry rule

Every day is fry day if you keep the peace enough.

11. The inverse volume law

Well but see that’s when it gets boring though.

10. The playing doctor ritual

These are things we really need to keep an eye out for.

9. The stand-up stare-down

One of us is going to blink first and it ain’t gonna be me.

8. The frosting fortune

It’s too bad, we really had a nice thing going.

7. Corporate culture

Never have I smelled something on this scale before.

6. The call and response

Some things transcend life itself.

5. The rescue reminder

Gotta keep him on a tight leash.

4. League placement anxiety

I can’t let this fall apart on me now.

3. Butter habits

There’s very little that fatty foods can’t fix.

2. The tea trade-off

Hey, we’re not here to kink-shame.

1. The pass-out principle

God I’m so envious of people who can just sleep like this.

And with those bits of knowledge, you and I are both ready. Will you marry me?

What’s your best piece of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

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Hilarious Posts for People in a Love/Hate Relationship with Marriage

The Greek philosopher Socrates once said “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

It seems that a lot of people on Twitter are caught somewhere between good and bad with their spouses and have thus turned into tongue-in-cheek-happy philosophers.

If you don’t understand what I mean, have a look for yourself.

13. If wishing made it so…

Ah, I see what you did there.

12. You’re toast

Why are these things still the most fickle pieces of technology?

11. Work, work, work

We’re all learning brand new things about each other.

10. Sock it to ’em

It’s called the clothes pile and it’s a sacred place.

9. Standard definition

Oh cool so we’re getting a divorce then?

8. The great outdoors

Wow, you’re practically an explorer.

7. On a roll

But did he put it overhand or underhand? Because there is a correct answer.

6. The cold shoulder

Is this dude famous on Twitter JUST for having an annoying marriage?

5. In the mood

We gotta set real expectations for those coming of age.

4. Seek and ye shall find

Solid medical burn right there. Gotta get you to the burn unit.

3. Birds of a feather

I guess we all gotta have a hobby.

2. Shower power

I mean it’s either that or talking about things that bother you.

1. Yes man

Good thing ya’ll are married then, I guess?

I wish you all happy marriages, and happy philosophizing.

What’s your best bit of marriage/relationship advice?

Tell us in the comments.

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Check Out 12 of the Little Unspoken Joys of Marriage

Marriage is one of humanity’s oldest institutions and the source of a fair bit of our controversies.

But on a smaller scale, it’s the framework in which you can just get mad at each other for opening cans wrong or whatever.

But don’t take it from me, take it from the actually married couples of Twitter.

12. Sleep tight

I don’t know if you really knee’d me all that much.

11. Shop around

Never shop on an empty stomach.

10. Whose job is it anyway?

Join us tomorrow, same time, same channel!

9. Chew on this

Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.

8. Pack it in

But do you just toss in a couple shirts and pants or do you prepare like you’re going to be staying at that hotel for the next four years?

7. Stay on target

It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

6. Can’t get it back in the tube

These are the kinds of peacekeeping measures our leaders should imitate.

5. Just checking in

Didn’t know if I needed to call the cops or whatever.

4. Well blended

Try to use it to make him something delicious right away, he’ll forget he was mad.

3. This is the way

Ah, alright, I’ll just stop living then.

2. Let them eat cake

Why must we play these games?

1. Spoon feeding

Ok we’ve been joking around a lot but this is serious – some kind of heavy intervention is warranted here.

To all the married folks – here’s to you. Try not to kill each other.

What’s marriage like in your experience?

Tell us in the comments.

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12 of the Most Amusing Things Kids Ever Said

When I was a kid, I realized that as we got older, we got taller. So far so good. I was also informed by my mom that some day, I would most likely be taller than my older sister, since boys tend to be taller than girls on average.

With these two bits of information in my head, I came to the conclusion that one day, I would be older than my older sister. I was elated. Because age means seniority, and seniority is power. Soon I would be at the top of the pecking order. I lorded this over her, only to have her shut it down with a “no, that’s not how it works.”

I was livid. Inconsolable. My dumb kid brain couldn’t put it all together. But it makes for a funny story now. Just like these tweets!

12. I’m sorry?

We need to find a new way to communicate this sentiment in English.

11. I said IF

That kid’s gonna grow up to have an anxiety disorder.

10. Screen it

It’s fun to have superpowers for just a little while.

9. Pig out

She a little confused but she got the spirit.

8. The nug

He’s just trying to improve the recipe, why won’t you live a little?

7. Baby you’re a firework

It’s gonna be an explosive realization later in life.

6. The nose knows

Riiiiight, that’s your story and your sniffing to it.

5. Ahoy there!

Hey, as long as they’ve got a name to attach to it.

4. Sleepy time

Sounds like you need to find a better dealer, kid.

3. Master of sneak

Kids love this game and every single one of them is horrible at it.

2. A magical realm

Not sure if this really happened or not but man is it funny.

1. Cyber sleuth

*Hacker voice* I’m in.

From the mouths of babes, am I right?

What’s a dumb thing a kid has said to you?

Tell us in the comments.

The post 12 of the Most Amusing Things Kids Ever Said appeared first on UberFacts.