Category: Social

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20 Parents Who Pretty Much Gave Up Trying to Win ‘Parent of the Year’

Good parenting doesn’t actually require you to be perfect, it just requires you to be good enough. Raising kids is a LOT of work, so it’s no surprise that we all make some mistakes along the way.

I mean, hey, who wants to win “Parent of the Year” anyway?

1. Yup

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. An honest mistake

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3. What day is it?

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4. Thanks a lot

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5. Way to go

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6. That’s awkward

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7. Losing my religion

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8. You’re gonna love it

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9. Not even close

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10. So proud

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11. I give up

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12. Sure….

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13. Learn how it’s done

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14. You can do that in jail

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15. Raised by the telly

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16. That’s the way it goes

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17. Could be any day

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18. Dark humor

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19. Sounds like a winner

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20. On the fly

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Well done! Keep up the okay/decent/passable work, parents!

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15+ of the Greatest Responses to the “Text Your Boyfriend ‘I Want a Baby’” Challenge

All it takes for an article to go viral and a flood of hilarious tweets to follow is something as simple as this:

Photo Credit: Twitter

And here are the results…

1. Fur baby

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. Still a baby?

Photo Credit: Twitter

3. Not rollin’ in the dough

Photo Credit: Twitter

4. I’m the baby

Photo Credit: Twitter

5. HE KNOWS

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6. That he can do

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7. Who are you?

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8. Aquaman is pretty cool

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9. Let’s think it over

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10. Now?

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11. Boom!

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12. That’s one way to do it

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13. Hahaha

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14. No, not for lunch

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15. Sounds sketchy

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16. Awwwwww

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17. Not kidding

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18. Don’t let Mom know

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19. No, you’re not

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20. Don’t go elsewhere

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Did you send a text to your hubby or boyfriend? What did they say? Let us know in the comments.

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If You Do Any of These 10 Things, You’re Seriously the Worst

There are two rules I always try to live by: do unto others as you’d have done to you, and always try to leave places better than when you found them.

These people don’t believe in that. Don’t be like these people. And if you are, take note.

1. Please tip appropriately!

Photo Credit: Oddee

2. No one wants a dented car, but really? 4 handicapped spaces??

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/GeneReddit123

3. Don’t put your dirty feet…anywhere.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/rb0127

4. Just like at home. After you eat, clean the table.

Photo Credit: Twitter, @urmomsjuu

5. Teach your kids to clean up after themselves.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/City66

6. Produce does not belong in the office supplies aisle.

7. Hold your horses!

Photo Credit: Buzzfeed

8. Find the closest garbage can.

Photo Credit: Buzzfeed

9. Don’t be Karen. Trash does not belong on the grocery shelf.

Photo Credit: Imgur

10. Don’t eat like a child.

Photo Credit Reddit, u/Paralibel

So, don’t be a litterbug and respect those around you. Easy peasy.

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Internet Can’t Stop Laughing at Guy Who Mistook His GF’s Thermometer for a Pregnancy Test

When Izaak Torres of Costa Mesa, California got a text saying “Holy fuck,” from his girlfriend at 4 a.m. in the morning with a photo of a thermometer, he was understandably confused. That confusion may just have led to the “Most Hilarious Mistake Ever.”

His girlfriend, Vanessa Marie, sent him the picture and the text because she was running a 100-degree fever (seen in the photo below).

“I said ‘holy fuck’ because I was so frustrated that it was 4 a.m. and I was dead tired, but I didn’t want to go back to sleep until my fever went down some more,” Vanessa told BuzzFeed News.

Izaak read the text when he woke up briefly at 7 a.m. and he FUH-LIPPED OUT.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Oh, sweetie.

“I didn’t get his text until I woke up around 11 a.m. and I just died laughing,” Vanessa said.

As for Izaak, he realized his own mistake a couple of hours later when he was fully awake. He says he “felt like a dumb ass” but tried to just keep it moving.

Photo Credit: BuzzFeed

Still, Vanessa had to share the screenshot on the internet, because who can miss an opportunity to clown their boyfriend in public?

And Izaak got clowned, alright. Roasted, even.

People pointed out that he must have interpreted the reading as “100% pregnant.”

Photo Credit: Twitter

Which means that if the number had been lower, he’d still have a chance!

Photo Credit: Twitter

This unborn baby just can’t make up its mind!

Photo Credit: Twitter

Or perhaps Izaak thought that his girlfriend was having 100 babies?

Photo Credit: Twitter

One hundred babies is a lot. Even 0.7 fewer babies would be better.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Either way, this dude clearly is not ready for a baby. Not even 50% of one, probably.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Which is really fine because neither is Vanessa.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Luckily the two of them are on the same page and still going strong as a couple. Hopefully, Vanessa is down to a normal temperature by now – 98.6% pregnant.

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10 People Reveal the Moment They Lost Respect for Their Parents

When we’re kids, we view our parents as all-knowing and indestructible. Then we grow up and things slowly change – and we come to realize more about how the world works. Some of us even end up losing a lot of respect for our parents, which can be hurtful, difficult, and strange all at once.

But these 10 Reddit users came face-to-face with their pain by sharing their incredibly personal stories – so I think we owe them an ear, don’t you?

1. The Hypocrites

“When I found out that, despite my parents ostracising me for having The Gay, which is Sinning and means I’m Going Straight To Hell, it turns out my mum has had three affairs that we know about. But that’s okay, because it’s hetero cheating, which apparently is just fine.”

2. The Betrayer

“Right after I graduated high school, I got my first car and was on my mom’s car insurance policy. After a year I had been a very good driver and I wanted to call my insurance company to see if I could lower my rates. Turned out my mom kept the policy active for 1 month so I had an insurance card to put in my glovebox, but then cancelled the policy and pocketed the money for herself.

As much as the monetary aspect hurts, it’s crazy to think that my own mom would let me drive my car having me believe I was covered. I could have destroyed my life if I made some horrific mistake.”

3. The Thief

“When I was a teenager, my mom used to come in my room in the mornings when she thought I was asleep and steal cash from me.

Lots of other things happened after that, but that was the start of it.

Edit: To be fair, they had no money. But I started working at 14 to pay for everything for myself because they couldn’t/wouldn’t help me out with my expenses. Last thing I needed was my mom taking a few bucks from me every morning. I started keeping tabs eventually and she took a few hundred dollars, a couple dollars at a time.”

4. The Favorites

“Oh… so many things.

Mom says she doesn’t have favorites but there are obviously favorites.

I could be the first US woman president and still be a disappointment because I don’t want/have kids

Dad telling me I may as well hurt myself when I went on Prozac as a teenager

Mom and dad bought my twin sister a fully refinished 67 mustang on our 16th birthday. I got a 95 Corolla that would regularly turn off randomly

During the early 2010s my parents needed money. We loaned them 10k. Never got it back. The following year they gave my sister 5k to help pay for her wedding because “she’s always dreamed of being a bride”.

Mom hates dad. Refuses to recognize they should have split up a long time ago. To make sure they don’t have to actually come to terms with their marriage, they continue to let two of my sisters, their husbands, and kids live in their house. When one of those sisters decided to get a divorce (hm, wonder why… perhaps living in a house with 6 other adults doesn’t work well for a healthy marriage?), they stopped talking to that sister. Which is hard because… you know… they all still live together.

I could go on. Let’s summarize with they pretend their lives and their family is pure gold and instead we’re just as f*cked up as everyone else.”

5. The Mental Abuser

“About two years ago, I struggled heavily from depression. My mom is one of those people who doesn’t really understand the depth of mental illnesses, and on top of it, she was verbally abusive and always made cutting remarks about my academics, appearance, anything to degrade my self worth. She broke me down to a point where I said I didn’t want to live anymore and wanted to kill myself. She told me to do it.

I ended up in foster care for about a week because my friends called because they knew I wasn’t safe with her, and she is a manipulator and finessed the system to get me back quickly, and made it sound like she did nothing wrong.

I finally got therapy, but it wasn’t family, just me since she felt she did nothing wrong. She is treating me better and learning to respect my boundaries, but I will never forget my own mother scoffing, telling me to kill myself. I will never be able to respect her after that.”

6. The New Wife

“When my father came home from a tour in Korea he brought with him a new wife. We had never met her nor heard of her until he said he was coming home. We all moved together to his next posting. Three months later, wifeypoo gave him an ultimatum. “Either the kids go or I go.” He called up our mother (I have a sibling) and told her he was sending us to her. He then called us to the phone to “talk to your mom”. I had no memory of her.

In fact a prior step parent told us she was dead. I believed her. So he sent us to meet this stranger with the intention of giving custody to her under the guise of vacation without him. Our belongings followed. He gave us back to woman he divorced and believed was a danger to us just 11 years prior.

I lost a little respect for him for placing his new wife (she left him once she got a green card) over his children.”

7. The Bad Mom

“My mom:

-compared me to friends constantly but would also use my grades or achievements as a way to compete with my aunt

-fakes illnesses when she wants attention or to guilt my siblings and I. She’s lied about having cancer, strokes, etc. When we figured out she was lying and stopped going to the hospitals, she calls family members and cries that we won’t help her/how she’s basically terminal/how we don’t Care

-has basically scammed my sisters, elderly grandma and I out of thousands and thousands of dollars. Just found out about 6 months ago, that she had gotten a pretty sizeable settlement from when I got hit by a car 20 years ago. She denied it and when i showed her proof, she threw my late father under the bus (he was a recovering addict) and claimed he was in charge of all that

-she was a nurse and when I attempted suicide, she didn’t want to get me professional help because it would look bad on her and my problems “aren’t everybody’s business”… so she just medicated the shit out of me for a bit.

Believe it or not, there’s more.”

8. The Terrible Advice

“My mom believes that if you just believe hard enough, you always get what you want.

I challenged her as to why we haven’t won the lottery. She said because she let past experiences influence her thinking as well as evidence. She then said, “I try not to let evidence influence my beliefs. I know I’m not supposed to…”

Yeah. An anti-evidence stance. :/ “

9. The Grown Child

“My parents are divorced. Mom had to move in with my dad for a bit because she didn’t have a place to stay. She wouldn’t clean up after herself or her daughter (my half sister) and she took over my brothers room and would just stay locked away in there doing seemingly nothing to change her situation.

When my dad confronted her calmly about her rudeness telling her that she needs to be courteous and clean up after herself she screamed at him and cursed him out saying things like “I don’t have time to be courteous” and “You’re not my parent”. I’ve never been so angry at another person, and although it was a stressful time for everyone she had no right to be so ungrateful. I didn’t have a whole lot of respect for my mom at this point in the first place, but that definitely made me lose any that I still had.”

10. The Unfair Expectations

“They put my sisters through their undergraduate degrees, but have not provided me with any finances.

I am not trying to sound like a spoiled brat, but it sucks that I am expected to be at the same place they were at when they were 24 – yet I am in student debt, not done with my degree & have to pay everything on my own.8. The Hypocrites

“When I found out that, despite my parents ostracising me for having The Gay, which is Sinning and means I’m Going Straight To Hell, it turns out my mum has had three affairs that we know about. But that’s okay, because it’s hetero cheating, which apparently is just fine.”

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15 Young People Share the Life-Altering Advice They Got from an Elder

One of my favorite things to do is try to strike up some conversation with the elderly. It’s the folly of youth to think you know everything, and you better believe I am all ears whenever an elder wants to share some valuable life advice with me.

As these stories from Reddit prove, we have a LOT to learn from old people, so treat them with respect!

1. You can’t ignore it

“Once you become aware of a wrong doing or injustice – the responsibility to correct that in yourself can not be ignored.

Basically if you know better – you’re required to do better.

Olowale was his name , he was a family friend originally from Nigeria. He was super smart and very humbled. He taught 14 year old me a lot about self responsibility and has no idea how much that one thing clicked for me and changed my life.”

2. Stop being a coward

“A street preacher who was homeless told me to stop being a coward and switch to the career I wanted.

He had earlier helped me when I was lost in bad part of the town I was living in. We talked for a while – him about his life, me about mine. He told me that he worked in finance for years before quitting because he was miserable, had forsaken his physical possessions, and decided to live on the street and spread the gospel. We had very similar educational backgrounds.

He didn’t want anything, except a promise that I wouldn’t waste his advice. I never saw him again.

If you believe in angels, it would be hard to find a better candidate than him for being one.

I followed his advice and am very happy I did.”

3. You might still get nothing

“My Nannie grew up in rural NC after the Great Depression to a poor family. She had hundreds of great stories about life growing up “on the Charles” or her grandparents’ farm, but one that sticks with me, and will color how I raise my daughter, was about Christmas. She and her siblings believed in Santa, but they rarely got more than fruit or maybe new clothes as presents.

She would return to school and see a little girl in her class that was a notorious bully and particularly cruel to Nannie with fancy new dolls, new clothes, things money could get you and she felt awful because she believed she was doing her best to be a good student, to be a caretaker for her younger siblings, to follow her religious beliefs. Traditional Santa mythos tells you good gets rewarded but that’s devastating for kids who work hard at following the rules, being kind, etc. and still get nothing.”

4. Don’t put work before family

“I was at a close friends wedding and most of his family was fairly well off. Many of them were feeling nostalgic because they were surrounded by family and everyone has grown up. Many said they regretted how many hours they worked when their kids were young in order to be a better provider. Up until recently I was making great money and working 60+ hours a week.

When I noticed what I was giving up I did some networking and took a job as a contractor in a small consulting company. I work 40 hours a week now and leave my laptop at the office and don’t have work email on my phone. I now feel like more of a provider because I’m a lot more active in my family’s lives and it’s awesome.”

5. One at a time

“Don’t do more than one illegal thing at a time. That’s what gets you caught.” Security guard at my high school. It’s good advice.”

6. Them’s the rules

“One of my high school teachers who just passed away a couple years ago gave me advice that I still live by to this day. He called it the “Four rules to breaking rules.”

Don’t break the rules
If you break the rules, don’t get caught.
If you get caught, take responsibility for your actions and make yourself better.
If you can’t do number 3, refer to rule number 1.”

7. Tell the truth

“Tell the truth all the time so you if you have to lie they will believe you.”

8. Wise words

“Met a woman in a nursing home while on clinicals who the nurses called a nightmare. Actually talked to her and she was not only incredibly kind, but also wise.

Not an anecdote, but she said something she lived by was a poem she had memorized in grade school. “Suppose”, by Phoebe Cary. Just a snippet, but I recommend reading the whole thing:

And suppose the world don’t please you, Nor the way some people do, Do you think the whole creation Will be altered just for you? And is n’t it, my boy or girl, The wisest, bravest plan, Whatever comes, or does n’t come, To do the best you can?
She allowed me to record her reciting the poem. I’ll remember her fondly, and I hope the nurses treated her well after we left.”

9. Sticks with them

“Met an elderly hispanic lady at a bus stop in Albuquerque. We went back and forth in Spanish for a bit (I’m a white guy so she was pleasantly surprised) and she told me about her travel plans to go to her son’s wedding–a real cute story involving him and his high school sweetheart finding each other after a long time being broken up.

I had recently been dumped, and said something a bit mopey like “I wish I could find love like that someday.”

She smiled, shook her head and said “Chico, love like that isn’t just found. It’s built. How many perfect, decorated temples do you think my ancestors stumbled across in Tikal or Tenochtitlan? No. They found a good, level spot, maybe some water nearby, and said ‘Here. We can build something here.’ Look for a clearing in the forest, young man. Not a hidden city.”

That one will stick with me for years.”

10. Get through it

“Sometimes you’re not meant to go over, or under, or around it. Sometimes, you’re meant to go through it. You just have to get through it.

Elderly client in a lucid state, describing his battle with dementia.”

11. Right now

“My old friend (he was 99) HATED when people said, “if only it was like the good ol days.” He would always say something along the lines of “the good old days??? Picking cotton every day for $2 a week wasn’t ‘the good ol days’ right now are the good days!” “

12. Do it smart

“If you’re going to do something stupid, do it smart.” We were playing with… “Fireworks” at the time

That was a lesson that I’ve taken to every job I’ve worked at since. Every time I go to do a job I look it over and see the stupid things I am about to do (Dangerous parts of my job) and try to figure out how to do it smart (Figure out how to minimize the danger in my work.)”

13. Just do it

“The path looks tougher and longer before you start walking.” My grandad used to say something similar to that , can’t translate it perfectly. He passed away a couple of years back. When I think of him, I always remember these words.”

14. Always present

“For my college religion class, we visited a Jewish Synagogue and observed their service. They have a ritual where they pray for loved ones who have died, and an old woman (80-90) participated with tears in her eyes. The Rabbi explained to us that she was a Holocaust survivor, and only she was able to escape as a girl. She didn’t know if anyone in her family was dead or alive, but since they’re presumed dead, she still prays for them every service.

That really hit me, because people my age tend to think of the Holocaust as more of a historical event that happened a long time ago. But for these people, it’s ever present in their lives. They also had a Torah that was badly burned that had been recovered from the Holocaust, I think as a reminder of those that were lost.”

15. Patience

“Take your time (with answering questions), whoever is listening can wait.”

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Dictionary.com Wrecks Transphobic Celebrity Who Insisted “They” Can’t Be a Singular Pronoun

Generally speaking, you wouldn’t think that Dictionary.com had a particularly exciting presence online. I mean, sure, everyone knows to go visit them when they need a definition for a word, but I never thought I’d consider their Twitter account a must-follow, and yet here we are.

One reason I’d make such a recommendation? Well, let’s take what happened when notoriously controversial actor James Woods recently put out a not-so-subtly transphobic tweet about gender pronouns.

Woods essentially argued that “they” can only be used as a plural pronoun, and that using it as a singular pronoun is just an invention of “hare-brained liberals.”

Photo Credit: Twitter, James Woods

Well… it wasn’t long before Dictionary.com stepped in to drop some knowledge:

Photo Credit: Twitter

Boom!

This is hardly Dictionary.com’s first foray into the realm of trolling bigots. They’ve used their extensive knowledge of the English language to serve up tasty burns to all sorts of people. Like Vice President Mike Pence…

Photo Credit: Twitter

The word, by the way, is “sycophant.”

And of course, being the lovable language nerds that they are, they couldn’t let the president slide for his misspelling of the word “collusion.”

Photo Credit: Twitter

Generally speaking, any time the president needs to learn some new words, Dictionary.com is there with a helpful suggestion.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Dear Dictionary.com,

Please, never stop being who you are. Thanks.

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15+ of the Most Savage Moms Ever

One of the better perks of being a parent is that your kids eventually get old enough to understand sarcasm, allowing you to unleash your inner smartass upon them with little to no mercy.

If that sounds like something you’ll definitely be looking forward to (or putting into practice as soon as possible) then you’re going to want to take notes from these 17 moms – because they are not pulling any punches just because the target of their sass came out of their nethers.

#1. Fair.

Image Credit: Twitter

#2. That wouldn’t be exactly the same movie.

Image Credit: Twitter

#3. Definitely a boy mom.

Image Credit: Twitter

#4. This woman is goals.

Image Credit: Twitter

#5. It’s good to know where you rank.

Image Credit: Twitter

#6. So sweet when your mom is thinking about you.

Image Credit: Twitter

#7. Daaannnnngggg.

Image Credit: Reddit

#8. Legit hilarious.

Image Credit: Twitter

#9. Definitely putting this one in the bank.

Image Credit: Twitter

#10. Mom is always getting the last laugh.

Image Credit: Twitter

#11. You should definitely think twice before bringing a girl home.

Image Credit: Twitter

#12. There’s no comeback for that.

Image Credit: Twitter

#13. I would so do this.

Image Credit: Twitter

#14. Baller.

Image Credit: Twitter

#15. I mean it’s something to consider.

Image Credit: Reddit

#16. Hey, ask an honest question, get an honest answer.

Image Credit: Twitter

#17. She’s just trying to be helpful, I’m sure.

Image Credit: Twitter

I’m going to go hug my mom, now. You should, too!

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13+ People Confess How They Crossed a Line They Swore They Never Would

“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

Even a lovelorn Meatloaf knew that you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. We all have certain things we swear we’ll never ever do, but sometimes life gets in the way of best-laid plans and you end up breaking that promise to yourself. Maybe it’s not that big a deal (like not following through on the “No Girls Allowed” policy for your bedroom), or maybe it’s something life-altering like falling victim to substance abuse.

It can be hard to admit when you’ve gone to your own personal dark side, but that’s just what these 15 people are about to confess…

#1. Just like you’d expect.

“Taking back a cheater. Turned out just like you’d expect.”

#2. I was naive!

“Thought I’d never have sex before marriage. I WAS NAIVE.”

#3. There you go.

“The Maginot Line

I was a poor kid from the States and thought I could never afford to be one of those fancy pants who backpacked Europe for the summer but hey, there you go.”

#4. I’d never do that.

“I remember being a teenager, looking at all my friends going out drinking and doing drugs and thinking that I’d NEVER do that.

Welp.”

#5. Funny how that works.

“I never thought I would start smoking. It’s funny how it works. A drunken drag off a friend’s turns into a bummed smoke which turns into buying your own and then waking up coughing and realizing you’ve been smoking for X years.

Luckily I’ve been off of them for 8 months now, and quitting sucked so badly that I never want to start again. But then again, I never thought I would start in the first place.”

#6. Every parent.

“One that pretty much every parent does at some point in their life.

When I was 12, I was all like “I’m never gonna be THAT parent that stops my kid from doing what I wanted to do right now but Dad said No.”

Now, I’m like all “Now listen here you little shit.”

(Not really. I use “brat”. But I think “shit”.)”

#7. Shooting up.

“Shooting up. Been an addict since 15 years old but i had never shot, then i did and loved the shit out of it. 3 ODs, scars on my arm for life. Just made it to 6 months off the needle on aug 7th.”

#8. What I know I need to do.

“200 lbs. Then 250. Now I’m staring down 300, telling myself I can’t go there, but it’s so hard to do what I know I need to.”

#9. Two of those things.

“I always told myself I’d never ride a motorcycle. “They’re fast, you dont have self control, you’ll kill myself.” Turns out I was right about two of those things.”

#10. Cardboard crack.

“Buying Magic the Gathering singles. It’s cardboard crack, it really is.”

#11. Weird fetishes.

“Probably my weird fetishes relative to sex. My partner just so happened to have the very same so here we are wearing latex suits and calling each other names.

Edit: A lot of these responses have been pretty hilarious and genuinely “heartwarming”. Thanks guys.”

#12. For obvious reasons.

“Always said I would keep my work life and personal life separate for obvious reasons. Dated a co-worker.”

#13. Not overly different.

“Having sex with a girl on her period. Always thought it was very wrong. Turned out to be not overly different.”

#14. After college.

“I never thought I’d live with a family member after college.

But then I started thinking more about expenses. Long story short, I can deal with annoying family debacles if I’m saving over 12 grand a year from rent.”

#15. The most shameful thing I’ve done.

“I was blacked out drunk and drove home. I don’t remember when I left, which route I took, or where I parked my car. I thought I took a cab home until I went to get my mail and saw my car parked outside.

It’s one of the most shameful things I’ve done. I was young and dumb, and it shook me to my core. I didn’t realize how easily someone could make that decision and am forever thankful no one was injured. It’s a line that should never be crossed and I swore up and down I wouldn’t ever. After that night, I either plan ahead or take a cab. Especially with Lyft and Uber being so prevalent these days, there’s just no excuse.”

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10+ Foodies Talk About the WORST Meals They’ve Ever Had

Are you a foodie? I don’t love the term -because I think just about everyone is a foodie to an extent in that everyone loves a great plate of food – but I am definitely someone who goes out of their way to find a great place to eat. Sadly, when the food doesn’t come out the way you’d expect it to, it can be a massive disappointment.

I’m not sure I could have handed any of these experiences, tbh. You?

#1. It used to be great.

“Paid $9 for a tiny burrito that contained a spoonful of rice, two pieces of fried tofu, about a teaspoon of pico and about three shreds of Monterey jack. It was soaked in a sauce that was so spicy I felt it for hours afterwards, and then all over again when it passed through. Absolutely disgusting. I was with a group who insisted that the food would be absolutely delicious. Talked to a relative who knows the area and she said that the restaurant used to be great but had gotten to be terrible within the last year.”

#2. Noped out.

“My aunt made some Hamburger Helper and fucked it up. I will never understand how you can mess up Hamburger Helper. Even my two year old cousin noped out of eating it.”

#3. I tasted tacos for the next two days.

“My husband made tacos. He misread the seasoning instructions and put in 3/4 cup instead of 3 tablespoons. I remember thinking that the mixture looked a lot darker than normal before I took a bite. I seriously tasted tacos for the next two days. He’s not allowed to make tacos anymore without supervision.”

#4. I hate milk.

“Mom made me drink some milk right after I’d eaten a grapefruit and the milk curdled in my mouth. I hate milk.”

#5. Don’t mess around with chicken.

“I got salmonella poisoning from undercooked chicken. After throwing up once I basically dry heaved for a few hours. Also, I had an insanely high fever, like 103/104 and hallucinated that I went to hell. I was dripping in sweat and saw shadowy figures in my peripheral vision dancing around in a circle.

After experiencing that I can totally see why people think they were visited by demons or went to hell. Don’t mess around with chicken.”

#6. She whipped up some food.

“My first time at one of my best friends house, his mom decided to make is a snack while we did homework. She was a single mom for a lot of his upbringing, so she worked all day and was usually not up for cooking lunch/dinner. She wanted to be nice and offer me something though, so she whipped up some food. She served us undercooked whole wheat pasta. She also didn’t have any sauce or topping for it, so she just crumbled some Triscuits over the top of them. My friend was severely embarrassed. His mom has since remarried and has learned much more about cooking food for others.

Edit: a word”

#7. The same damn thing.

“I made a microwaved pizza for myself when they first came out in the late 1980s. I loaded it up with extra cheese.

I hear the microwave go BING. I pull it out and it flips over onto my hands. I had boiling hot cheese stuck to my fingers. I screamed like a banshee. My mom looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo. And my best friends was there and started laughing at me with blisters forming all over my hands.

A few weeks later I was over at his parent’s place with him. He throws in a microwaveable pizza. I hear BING then him screaming like a banshee. He did the same damn thing.”

#8. I still remember the flavor.

“Probably a tie between the bad tortilla chips that gave me food poisoning and the time my sister tricked me into eating Cat Chow. Decades later and I still remember the flavor.”

#9. Like sweaty balls.

“Back in the days when I used to hate sushi I tried some in Tokyo just for the bragging rights. I don’t know what I ordered but it was slimy and gooey and salty and tasted like sweaty balls. It took all my strength to stop myself from chundering at the table.

Love sushi now so would probably enjoy it if I tried today.”

#10. A near poisoning.

“We travelled to Sicily and decided to get some pizza. Found a really nice place at the beach, where we could watch the sunset over the sea. We ordered our pizzas and everything seemed perfect. Then the pizzas came and my bf tasted his. First he thought his pizza had a funny seasoning and gave it a shot, but after a few bites he said his tongue began to tingle. I tried a few bites myself and it was a really weird sensation in my mouth. Like when something is really spicy, but more in the acid kind of way. So he tried to explain to a waitress something was off with the pizza. There was a huge language barrier, so in the end she took the pizza away and looked quite irritated. My bf decided to walk towards the kitchen because we had the feeling they didn’t understand our complaint. From my point of view, a saw different staff members rushing out of the kitchen, including a cheff, and tried to explain something to my bf in quite a panicky way. Turns out their dishwasher was broken and all the plates where covered with highly concentrated dish soap. Their head chef ate some pizza and had to be picked up by an ambulance, fortunately we didn’t get food poisoning and just left the restaurant with empty bellies.”

#11. I had to excuse myself.

One of my ex boyfriend’s grandmother had the whole family over for dinner one night. She cooked spaghetti and my ex’s mom warned me that it would be terrible. Boy, was she right. His grandmother boiled water, put in the noddles, DID NOT DRAIN THE WATER, and then dumped some salt, pepper, and KETCHUP into the pot and served it. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so I could dry heave over the toilet.

#12. Disgusting beyond belief.

“I tried to eat andouillette, a kind of pork sausage, while I was in France. It’s notorious there. When I ordered it the server sort of said ‘are you sure?’ It was disgusting beyond belief. I was actually retching.”

#13. To this day.

“Food poisoning Benihana Millburn NJ. Age 16. BRUTAL. Cold sweats when passing any Japanese steakhouses, to this day.”

#14. Like we were eating houseplants.

“I had Chinese take away that was sub-par a couple weeks back. The rice was meh, nothing to write home about.

But then I tried the chow mein. Somehow, it tasted like soil.

I thought my tastebuds were tripping, but my girlfriend then tried hers and, yep: Like we were eating houseplants.

I still don’t understand.”

#15. For the next two years.

“I got food poisoning from a Mexican restaurant. I shit my pants twice, popped a blood vessel in my eye from vomiting so hard, and I couldn’t even think about Mexican food without getting nauseous for the next two years.”

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