Check Out Some of the Most Brutal Burns on the Internet

The internet is really just a place where we go to fight with each other in new and innovative ways.

Luckily, some of those ways are actually funny, and some fighters use their knowledge and wits to make the battle as sophisticated and satisfying as it is brutal.

Such is the way with these particular entries. Players – start!

14. If you don’t like it, leave

It’s fun to pair your heartlessness with insults so everybody knows right away you don’t actually care what happens to anybody who isn’t you.

Hey Tomi, Washington Post shithole bureau chief here. Love your foreign affairs reporting. Did you know there are 8.7 million Americans living overseas? Can’t imagine why they would leave home. https://t.co/Vazd6Ts3Pe

— Kevin Sieff (@ksieff) January 12, 2018

13. Over the moon

What I love about this reply is the the original tweet is gone now and it doesn’t even matter because it’s a one-size-fits-all rebuttal.

Buddy it’s saturday night and you’re talking to a marshmallow sandwich on the internet https://t.co/vniddPmGoC

— MoonPie (@MoonPie) December 17, 2017

12. Just imagine

I’ll bet you’d like a little of that splash now that ya burnt so bad, huh?

imagine waiting nine months to give birth and it's you

— Magikarp The Fish (@Magikarp_Fish) August 1, 2016

11. The gold standard

An absolute classic, the metaphor we all need.

https://aetherkidatheart.tumblr.com/post/162904307683/firstdegreeliberty-heimwehr-robloxgf

10. Under pressure

The thing about gay marriage is that “believing in it” is irrelevant.
It’s just a thing that happens.
It’s not the Loch Ness Monster.

https://kaiserneko.tumblr.com/post/121816884560/rp0077-micasablumpkins

9. Soup’s on

Ok but how though?

https://keetongu.tumblr.com/post/142088033928/still-fancy-that-cup-of-soup-now

8. The they

Seriously, everyone I grew up with used “they” as a gender-neutral singular all the time and didn’t have a problem with it until people started asking them to.

https://heyheyrenay.tumblr.com/post/180041315239/mauthedoog-baras

7. Absolutely smoked

You walked right into that one.

Via: 50 Shades of Nerdy

6. This is relevant

English is just a stew.

Via: 50 Shades of Nerdy

5. Under control

We get it, you’re vaped.

Via: 50 Shades of Nerdy

4. Would love to come

It’s five bucks dude, that’s like one beer.

Via: 50 Shades of Nerdy

3. Densely speaking

Shine bright like a diamond.

Via: 50 Shades of Nerdy

2. Soup strikes back!

No idea if this response is real but I want it to be.

Via: 50 Shades of Nerdy

1. Just a little bit

Let’s get way down deep.

Via: 50 Shades of Nerdy

Well I need to go fan myself off after all that heat.

What’s the best comeback you’ve heard recently?

Tell us in the comments.

The post Check Out Some of the Most Brutal Burns on the Internet appeared first on UberFacts.

June 7, 2021

Weird Ways to Turn Lies into Money

With all the lies we’re constantly surrounded by, it’s kind of frustrating that we can’t glean SOME kind of good out of them.

But what if we could…

Every time someone lies to you, $100 gets deposited to your bank account. What is the fastest way for you to get rich? from AskReddit

How might the denizens of Reddit capitalize on such a universe? Let’s find out.

1. Start a business.

Contract myself out as a foolproof lie detector.

– GMaimneds

2. Get both sides.

Ask my mum and dad individually about how their divorce went down

– maayooo6381

3. Pretty please?

Gather all your relatives and ask “I am beautiful, right?”.

Easy cash

– [user deleted]

4. Scam-a-thon.

Give you email address and phone number out at every available opportunity and let the scams roll in

– acrobaticalpaca6464

5. Be a vet.

I’m a veterinarian.

They’re not giving the pills to the dog like I told you to, the check is not in the mail, you’re not cutting out his treats, and you’re not exercising them enough.

Seriously, I’d make a fortune.

– Algaean

6. Shop around.

Attend one political rally after the other.

And if votes are not in season, go shopping for used cars or looking for houses.

– Treczoks

7. Doing the math.

I can say “1+1=3” in .72 seconds (yes, I did time myself). If I make a full minute of that, that’s 83 (.33) lies per minute. At x10 speed that’s 830 lies per minute. If I play this track over itself such that they never line up perfectly, then I can get a lie to start at each of the smallest increments the editing software can handle. So if it can handle .01 at the smallest, then you get 83×72 (5976) recordings in one track. Played at x10 speed, lol, you get 59,760 lies per minute for $5,976,000 per minute.

If you take that track and auto tune it to every possible frequency that can be assigned by the software you use (let’s pretend it’s 1000) then you can be lied to at every frequency in every split second at x10 speed. For 59,760,000 lies per minute. This makes a whopping 5,976,000,000 per minute. Suck a dick, Bezos.

Will this sound like garbage? Ya, totally. But if I quietly dub this over whatever songs are in my music playlists then I can listen to music while I get lied to. Hell, the music might even have some lies in it. Cardi can’t have a WAP 24/7, right? According to Ben that’s not healthy.

– Arkmer

8. Ho ho ho!

Talk about your suspicions of Santa’s validity, in a large crowd, while holding a 5y on your lap.

– [user deleted]

9. Spare some change.

Beg on a busy street.

“I’m hungry, do you have some change?”

– ozdkyt

10. Your own terms.

Make a website where someone has to check a box stating they’ve read and agree to the terms and conditions

– grungerat_

11. What an opportunity!

Go to an MLM convention.

Those hun bots will get you rich quicker than they claim LuLaRoe will!

– cmonyy

12. Be precise.

Ask them everyone how old they are.

They could say 26, but in reality they are actually 26 years, 3 months, 12 days, 8 hours, 2 minutes and 22 seconds.

– Ooodles-of-nooodles

13. Farm it out.

giving 10$ to every person that lies to you.

– NotAFatAlien

14. Work in tech.

I mean, I work at a tech company and we get lies all the time.

I’m pretty sure half of the people could just go to work and make an easy thousand dollars

– billionai1

15. Not OK.

Just go around saying “Hi, how are you?”

“Good!”

$100

– peon2

Of course, the definition of “lie” might challenge some of these. Does it have to be something simply untrue, or something the speaker KNOWS to be untrue? Does anything involving an opinion count or does it have to be objective?

There are many things to consider.

Keep the conversation going in the comments.

The post Weird Ways to Turn Lies into Money appeared first on UberFacts.

June 3, 2021

People Admitted the Dumbest Ways They’ve Injured Themselves

We’ve all injured ourselves in dumb ways at one time or another, am I right?

You know it!

And now it’s confession time, folks…

Let’s see what these folks had to say about the dumbest ways they’ve injured themselves.

1. Not cool!

How do you explain that one?

I broke my arm by falling off a chair in an attempt to reach a LEGO Draco Malfoy https://t.co/7IRPll4vzx

— Kairav Kukkala (@kairavbk) March 22, 2021

2. A painful dance.

Gotta be careful!

dislocated my knee doing the cotton eye joe in 5th grade music class https://t.co/OZrj3IAhqJ

— Erin Mackey (@erinmackey_) March 22, 2021

3. It was all over…

You should’ve sat that game out!

I dropped a 30 pound watermelon on my bare foot and broke my toe…THEN wrapped it in gauze/multiple pairs of socks and proceeded to play in a basketball game until one girl stepped on my foot and it was all over

Not one of my best moments https://t.co/nU7AlXK4Yu

— Christina Talamo (@christinatalamo) March 22, 2021

4. The demonstration went awry.

Bad idea!

I re-broke my toe by accidentally kicking a bedpost while demonstrating to someone how I accidentally kicked the goalpost and broke my toe https://t.co/vVMaMYIPwK

— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) March 22, 2021

5. Top three.

You’re definitely accident prone.

Actually, my top 3:
3) Blew out knee trying to keep pace with a young woman on nearby treadmill.
2) Tore my other knee jumping off stage at Wing Bowl to interview contestant.
1) Broke my toe kicking an end table after Tommy Hutton fumbled to lose MNF game vs. Dallas. https://t.co/GiH85rKG0U

— Glen Macnow (@RealGlenMacnow) March 22, 2021

6. This one hurts.

And you have to lie about it.

Was reading a newspaper, and the corner of the page started to wilt. I snapped it with my hands to get it to stand up again, and sliced a paper cut directly across my eyeball.

Scratched cornea. https://t.co/sgLC5IXrfi

— Mike Schmidt (@The40YearOldBoy) March 22, 2021

7. Just standing around…

That sucks.

Last year I broke my knee standing on a soccer field

No, I didn’t trip

No, I didn’t roll anything

No one tackled me

Didn’t kick the ball wrong

I wasn’t even playing

…I was coaching

And that’s what happens when you go outside after 3 months of being indoors https://t.co/zzVwaVxnCr

— ya mama (@notwallyworld) March 22, 2021

8. Head first!

Not a good idea.

I jumped into my couch headfirst to celebrate the Timberwolves making the Western Conference Finals.

My neck was in a brace for three weeks. https://t.co/UxXvlbXssb

— Shahbaz Khan (@ShahbazMKhan) March 22, 2021

9. Always a dangerous maneuver.

Not many have pulled it off.

I have nerve damage in my leg trying to slide from a hot tub into the connecting pool https://t.co/tqF9q0uMel

— Julie Stewart-Binks (@JSB_TV) March 22, 2021

10. Oh, man!

Bad timing.

Brushed off some frost off some bacon and then subsequently slipped on the melted ice and broke my elbow, a week before my wedding. Fortunately did not need a cast but had a sling to wear on and off and couldn’t keep my arm totally straight for wedding pics.

— Steve Silver (@SteveTSRA) March 21, 2021

11. That doesn’t feel right.

Straight to the ER!

My teenage daughter taught me her dance routine. To her surprise, I got it. We got my hubs to film us, I tore my calf muscle on the first 8 count. This surpassed my previous stupid injury of tearing my MCL by bending over to pick up a book in high school.

— Shannon Hunt (@Shansanity) March 21, 2021