People Who Live in Areas Where the Virus Isn’t Being Taken Seriously Talk About What It’s Like

It blows my mind these days when I go into a store or a gas station and people are STILL not wearing masks.

It drives me nuts!

Not only is it dangerous but it’s also incredibly selfish. I don’t think it’s too much of a sacrifice to wear a freaking mask when you go out in public, do you?

I wonder how these people would have reacted during World War II when Americans had to ration materials…they probably would’ve said it was an infringement on their rights…

The point is that there are many parts of the United States where people are still not taking the coronavirus seriously and that isn’t good for anyone

Let’s see what AskReddit users had to say about where they live…

1. Nobody’s paying attention.

“Stores have implemented all sorts of things, like one way aisles. However, since like 2% of people care, nobody pays attention and somehow everyone ends up closer than they would have if the aisles would have just been normal.

A lot of people don’t wear masks, but on occasion you’ll see someone in a mask, gloves, with their phone and other belongings in a ziploc bag to keep them from being contaminated.

Oddly enough, those are typically the people that get avoided like the plague.”

2. Not smart!

“Well, a younger guy at work said he was at a packed bar over the weekend and we are ending our alternating schedule on Monday.”

3. You’re doing it wrong!

“I remember going to the store a few weeks ago and there was a lady who was just carrying an entire can of Lysol with her and spraying every single thing immediately before touching it.

She’d spray a box on the shelf, pick it up to look at it, and put it back. She’d spray a can, then grab it to put it in her cart. She sprayed the cart handle immediately before touching it EVERY TIME she touched it.

She also sprayed the credit card machine, and her credit card. She was wearing gloves, and her phone was in a ziplock bag.

She wasn’t wearing a mask and was shopping the wrong way.”

4. Let’s go to the park!

“People in my town don’t care that much, but ever since one kid got it they’ve been taking it more seriously.

But then the bomb threat made people go to the park MORE, on the basis that they “couldn’t go yesterday so I’m going to go today” when they never had plans to go anyway.”

5. This is not a hoax.

“I am an EMS helicopter pilot. Two days ago we transported a COVID positive patient that had been in the ICU in a small hospital for three days due to respiratory distress due to COVID. I watched as the crew loaded him into the back of the aircraft which is usual. I heard them asking each for drugs that we don’t normally give to people who we transport.

They were asking for those drugs because he was actively dying. They pull him back out of the aircraft and run back to the ER. Meanwhile my medic is sitting on top of him doing chest compressions while we’re running through the ER to the trauma bay.

As we were running I glanced in the rooms we were passing. Literally no patients had mask on.

I just don’t get it. This isn’t a hoax, a political ploy or a scare tactic. Wear a damn mask.

The patient was a 50 y/o man who was in good health and no previous medical history. Cause of death respiratory distress due to COVID.”

6. Lonely.

“I feel like I don’t really know anybody anymore. Never had a clue how many mild-to-insane level conspiracy theorists there were around me.

I’m not so much lonely as I am just generally let down at how willfully ignorant people are willing to be.

Maybe I’m guilty of it myself, because I genuinely thought better of my city than this.”

7. Ignorance is bliss.

“Where I am in the South its just like it was before the outbreak.

If you don’t watch the news, there’s no reason to think the world is any different.

Ignorance is bliss baby.”

8. Nothing to see here.

“Life has gone on like normal. People crowding into bars, partying like the just don’t care. I know people busy singing in their church choirs without a care in the world.

I grocery shop during church time.

The grocery store if full of people in PPE then and it seems much safer.”

9. Out in the sticks.

“Rural Florida here.

Land of the lifted truck, Trump signs, and Confederate flags.

Maybe about a third of the people in my local grocery store–the only one in a 10 mile radius–wear masks. It’s in the neighborhood that I’ve found a real challenge. Kids are out playing and people are interacting face-to-face like the virus is long behind them.

I’m an extrovert who normally enjoys being a part of that, so social isolation is rough. The children don’t understand why I’m a recluse, and they come to my door looking for me.

I’ve been caving to the pressure and going out some, but then I feel unspoken pressure not to wear a mask. I have medical issues, so I don’t think I’d be looked down upon.

It just feels suddenly like I’m the uncool kid at school.”

10. Jeez…

“Everyone’s using the time off work to party, have barbecues, visit family, etc.

My family has made the trip to visit every single one of our relatives at least once this year since they have so much time off, and they’re out every other evening to go to a barbecue with or a potluck or a dinner with their friends.”

11. This is crazy.

“I live in Florida and work in the beauty industry. My clients are dropping like flies. I spend an hour in their face while they are unmasked.

Had a woman call the other day to tell me she’d been exposed to COVID and was going to get tested, and wanted to know what our policy was and if she could keep her appointment. Had a co-worker get sick and she found out she had been exposed.

She told my boss she was getting tested, and my boss asked me if I thought it’d be okay for her to come back in, because “what’s everyone going to do? Keep quarantining?” YES. YES! That’s EXACTLY what we ALL need to do.

My parents are in their 70s. I can’t go see them. What if this is the last bit of time I get with them? What if I go see them and kill them?

My best friend was just diagnosed with cancer. I can’t go see him. Will I ever get to see him again? Will he die alone?

If I get sick, how long will I be out of work with no sick leave? How long will my SO be out if he gets sick? What will happen if his compromised child gets sick? How would we afford the medical bills? Do we send him back to school? Who will watch him?

The worries are endless. And we could’ve made this so much easier if people weren’t such selfish, entitled, politicized *ssholes.”

12. Can’t do it anymore.

“I don’t even engage anymore.

I can’t have a normal conversation with them and I refuse to argue. Facts don’t matter, common sense doesn’t break the seal, and just common courtesy is a negative.

I just can’t anymore.”

13. Wow.

“I just finished a contact tracing job up in a little town with like <2000 people. My job was to monitor the health of those exposed or diagnosed with COVID-19 and I was there for a month.

Any time I would call and give someone their diagnosis and ask who they have been in contact with, I had a 50/50 shot of them being massive d*ck bags. The things I heard were that COVID-19 was a scam, was used to make big pharma rich, wasn’t real and they just had the flu or a stomach virus ect.

I told people they needed to isolate for 14 days if they were a positive case or exposed and I basically was f*cking them for 2 weeks of pay at work so that was awful. I can’t legally force them so some just went back to work and didn’t care and infected more people. We had an outbreak at an Autozone because of it.

No one wore a mask. Every food worker wore theirs without their nose covered that I saw if they were. I was generally the only one in public with one on, if not only 1 of 2 or 3 people. It was a bible-belt city so lots of “I’ll just pray it away I don’t need the hospital.”

I had a lady raise her oxygen from 2L to 4L overnight, probably due to fluid build up from COVID, which she had because she was living with a lung disease. I told her to go to the ER NOW and when she was there, she called.

She told me she was going to go in and called to ask if they could even help her, I said yes obviously. She turned around and drove home when she hung up. Called the next day to see how the ER visit went and she was at home gasping for air. Husband took her to the ER but not before making her talk to me like an idiot :/.

Oh and people hung up on me a lot when Id be calling them like 5 days in. Or they’d block my work number so we’d send police out to make sure they were alive.”

Are people taking this health crisis seriously where you live?

Please tell us about it in the comments.

We look forward to hearing from you!

The post People Who Live in Areas Where the Virus Isn’t Being Taken Seriously Talk About What It’s Like appeared first on UberFacts.

Amusing Tweets About the Sh*t Show That Is the Reopening Process

I think it’s safe to say that this whole crisis has officially turned into a shit show and has been totally botched by the people in charge.

I’m not going to name any names, but I think you can probably figure that out for yourself.

And now, with all the talk of reopening, some people are venturing out more to restaurants, bars, salons, etc. But a whole helluva lot of folks aren’t ready for that yet because this thing seems to be getting even worse.

Here are some funny posts about what people are really thinking about this whole reopening thing right now…

1. Never mind…

You shouldn’t have said that out loud.

2. I’m with you on this one!

Let’s have another drink!

3. He’s slowly losing his mind…

But I wouldn’t mind going to see a movie sometime soon…

4. Yeah! What the hell?!?!

Could’ve been doing this all along?

5. On second thought…

Let’s just back up for a second…

6. Bored AF.

Well, at least we’re alive.

7. There’s no going back now.

It’s a lifestyle that is now permanent.

8. Just a fraction of what it used to be.

It used to be 1,500 pages.

9. Man, I hope that’s a joke.

It’s a joke, right?

10. Not so fast…

Let’s think this over again…

11. Let’s do it!

Our time to shine!

12. Does this describe you?

Sounds mixed up, but it really isn’t…

13. Sounds pretty terrifying.

Are you willing to risk it?

How are you holding up right now?

How has your life changed and have you tried to do anything in regard to places reopening?

Talk to us in the comments and please stay safe out there!

The post Amusing Tweets About the Sh*t Show That Is the Reopening Process appeared first on UberFacts.

Hilarious Posts About Calling Out People Who Are “Totally Over” the Current Health Crisis

Do you want to know what I’m over?

THESE PEOPLE who are acting like we’re not all pissed off and struggling with this worldwide shutdown.

Of course it sucks and of course we’re all incredibly frustrated, but science is science and we need to wear masks when we got out and stay the hell away from people in public.

It’s really not very hard, but some folks are acting like it’s ALL ABOUT THEM and that they are so inconvenienced.

So much for doing your part, huh?

Here are some funny posts about how annoying these folks are who are “over” the current health crisis…enjoy…and try not to get your blood boiling.

1. Might as well die then, I guess.

Hey, you only gave me two options.

2. It’s gonna magically go away…

Now, where have I heard that before?

3. We’re bored!

Well, you better get used to it.

4. Short and to the point.

Thank you for this!

5. A sad state of affairs.

Shaking my damn head.

6. This is on point.

Just stay home and shut up.

7. This is depressing.

Get it together, people!

8. This is 100% true.

What the hell happened?

9. This is gonna blow your mind!

Get a load of this: when you get into a car…

10. Yeah, me too.

WEAR A MASK.

11. The pretending doesn’t seem to be working.

Which is pretty surprising to me.

12. We’re totally lost.

What are we gonna have to deal with next?

13. And there you have it!

She’s right, you know…

Now we want to hear from you!

In the comments, tell us how you’re holding up and let us know if you’ve had to deal with any total DICKS during this crisis.

Put them on blast! We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Hilarious Posts About Calling Out People Who Are “Totally Over” the Current Health Crisis appeared first on UberFacts.

Funny Posts About Those Folks Who Are “Over” the Health Crisis That Has Us Living This Way

I shouldn’t be too surprised, but I have to say that it’s pretty disheartening that people are acting like total spoiled brats during this national shitshow we’re all dealing with right now.

Some people (including very powerful people who shall remain nameless) have decided to make this entire crisis about them for some reason and it makes my damn blood boil, if I’m being honest about it.

Well, now it’s time to put these people in their place, okay?

Here are some funny and accurate posts that call out these folks who are apparently “over” this whole fiasco.

Those poor babies…

1. You dumbass!

Yes, we’re all judging you for not wearing a mask.

2. Yeah. It’s not that hard.

Why make this so complicated?

3. How the hell do I know?

Do I look like Dr. Fauci to you?

4. I like this.

Getting creative with the judgment!

5. Seriously. Quit whining and wear it.

Do it for you, your family and friends, and STRANGERS, as well.

6. There you go.

Should be common sense.

7. This. Right Here.

You are correct, sir!

8. Get over it.

The kids won’t care for much longer. Let’s move on.

9. How did that get flipped around?

What a shitshow.

View this post on Instagram

It was supposed to be the other way around ?

A post shared by memesrant (@memes_rant) on

10. You’re doing it all wrong.

Come on, everybody!

11. Getting kinky…

She must be a FREAK.

12. I’m tired of these people.

How about you?

Now it’s your turn!

In the comments, give us a little life update about how you’re doing and tell us if you’ve had any bad experiences with people who are being real jerks during this whole pandemic situation.

Please and thank you!

The post Funny Posts About Those Folks Who Are “Over” the Health Crisis That Has Us Living This Way appeared first on UberFacts.

Dental Transformations That Are Truly Stunning

Nobody grows up hoping they’ll have to get braces – or hoping they’ll have to pay for braces for their kid(s). That said, even though some people have to wear them for years and endure a non-insignificant amount of pain, I don’t know of anyone who wishes they didn’t have straight, gorgeous teeth.

Smiles say a lot about a person, and especially during the teen years, confidence is key.

I can say for sure that these 10 people would agree, and that they’re out there smiling it up, feeling better than ever.

10. I wonder how long she had them on?

She looks like she feels like herself!

At age 23 my braces are finally off and I couldn’t be happier!! Here’s a before&after. from pics

9. Being able to smile without thinking about it is something so many take for granted.

It should be a thing everyone can do.

I got braces on when I was in 5th grade because of how messed up my teeth were, and for the next 9 years I was always embarrassed to smile. Now here I am in my second year of college, able to smile without worrying about what others think of my teeth – it’s an amazing feeling! from happy

8. Braces should get more credit for changing people’s lives.

A miracle for self confidence.

Tjought I’d share the fact that I got my braces off today, after a year and two months. Here’s a before and after picture from pics

7. I can only imagine how much more confident she must feel.

A pretty girl either way, but still.

Image Credit: Reddit

6. This is so much to endure.

She definitely looks happy with the results though – as she should!

Five years: braces, double jaw surgery, sinus lift, bone grafting and dental implants and I’M FINALLY DONE!!! I couldn’t be happier. from happy

5. Two important rites of passage.

You can see her confidence shining through.

14 to 20 (now)! Got my braces off and stopped trying to do my own eyebrows. from uglyduckling

4. Was it the braces that made the difference?

I guess we’ll never know, but I guess it was part of it!

My puberty: went from a hipster with braces to having an actual personality, straight teeth, clear skin and cheeckbones! from uglyduckling

3. She had her teeth lengthened, too.

Isn’t modern science a miracle?

Finally got my braces off! 17 month journey. Love my new smile!!! from braces

2. She looks happy in both pictures.

That makes me happy.

Found the goldmine of embarrassing preteen pics at my mom’s house. 11 on the left, 31 on the right. Thank the lord for braces and puberty. from uglyduckling

1. This kid’s smile just makes me happy.

It’s infectious!

Before and after braces. 4 years is a long time… from PastAndPresentPics

Braces are funny, right? They hurt, they’re ugly, but everyone realizes they do more good than harm in the long run – what a rarity?

Did you have braces? Was your transformation huge? Tell us about your experience in the comments!

The post Dental Transformations That Are Truly Stunning appeared first on UberFacts.

Dental Transformations That Blew Us Away

A smile can be the difference between confidence and being bullied, because children are terrible to each other for little to no reason. Many of us had braces, but there were many more whose parents couldn’t afford them and had to wait until they were adults to fix their own smiles.

And while maybe beauty shouldn’t matter so much, when it’s standing in the way of a person feeling good about themselves, it definitely does – which is what makes these 12 transformations so special.

12. What’s cute at 12 seems not so much later.

I’m sure her mom really tried, though.

12 vs 22. My teeth aren’t perfect yet (wish I’d worn my retainer!) but still thank you for braces and haircuts that are not by my mum! from uglyduckling

11. This is a RADICAL transformation.

I can’t imagine needing surgeries on my face.

November 2010 vs March 2020 – 4 years of braces, double jaw surgery and a whole lot of smiles later! from braces

10. Love her smile in both pictures, though.

I think most people feel like braces are worth the pain.

Image Credit: Reddit

9. Braces don’t get enough credit.

They’re kind of a miracle.

Yesterday i got my braces off just in time for my 19th birthday. It’s amazing what 2.5 years of braces can do. from pics

8. When you feel like a totally new person!

That is the best feeling, isn’t it?

Image Credit: Reddit

7. Before, during, and after…

She was always pretty but what a difference!

Definitely worth it✌? from braces

6. Some doctors are so good at their jobs.

This is a killer team!

This is what over 2 years of braces, wisdom teeth removal and 2 jaw correction surgeries looks like. (Me, 2017-2019) from PastAndPresentPics

5. Happier and more confident is the goal.

This is the best possible outcome for sure.

It’s the two year anniversary of when I got my braces on. Two weeks ago I got debraced. I am so much happier and confident with my new smile ❤ from braces

4. I’m sure this wasn’t without pain.

Her smile says she’s glad she did it!

13 months and a lot of powerchains later. from braces

3. Her teeth are gorgeous.

A++ work, orthodontist.

It was worth it from braces

2. Five years might seem like a long time…

But it’s a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things.

About age 9 to age 21, I guess those 5 years of braces paid off from uglyduckling

1. Rocking the new haircut, too.

His smile is the best.

M/20/5’9’’ [137 lbs] 15 months. Left to right: Start Date: November 12th 2018. Finish date: February 27th 2020! Just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of heart for my orthodontist in helping me give something to truly smile about – a handsome, warm smile. ??? #bracesoff. from progresspics

I love all of these pictures!

Did you have braces or other dental work done? How did it change the way you see yourself? Tell us your story in the comments!

The post Dental Transformations That Blew Us Away appeared first on UberFacts.

Killing a House Centipede is NOT a Good Idea

You’re gonna want to pay attention to this.

Countless house centipedes have met their fates at the receiving end of a rolled-up magazine, a cup, or a shoe.

But they’re getting a bum rap.

While they’re indeed creepy and crawly, and they’ve certainly sent the heartiest of us out a room screaming, they’re good to have around. If you can get past your squeamishness, it’s best to let them live.

Photo credit: Pixabay

Centipedes are on a constant search for their next meal. They dine on mostly unseen and more problematic insects, including silverfish, termites, moths, flies, and cockroaches.

House centipedes can have anywhere from 15 to 177 pairs of legs, depending on the species. They use them to stun and capture prey with a technique called “lassoing.” With the pair closest to their head, they poison their victims with venom and wrap themselves around the dying insect for a satisfying meal. This bug is also one of the few that doesn’t have a nest or web and isn’t problematic in terms of disease or destruction to your home.

Photo credit: iStock

If you can’t live with house centipedes, the best defense is a good offense.

Start by getting rid of their food. This means reducing moisture with a fan or dehumidifier, sealing off cracks where pests are prone to settle and lay eggs, and keeping trash indoors to a minimum.

Photo credit: Pixabay

Sure, the occasional centipede will still find his way in, no matter what you do. Just resist the urge to whack one out clean out of existence. You’ll reap the benefits of fewer pests and walk away with improved karma.

Do centipedes make you uncomfortable? Let us know in the comments below!

The post Killing a House Centipede is NOT a Good Idea appeared first on UberFacts.

Killing a House Centipede is NOT a Good Idea

You’re gonna want to pay attention to this.

Countless house centipedes have met their fates at the receiving end of a rolled-up magazine, a cup, or a shoe.

But they’re getting a bum rap.

While they’re indeed creepy and crawly, and they’ve certainly sent the heartiest of us out a room screaming, they’re good to have around. If you can get past your squeamishness, it’s best to let them live.

Photo credit: Pixabay

Centipedes are on a constant search for their next meal. They dine on mostly unseen and more problematic insects, including silverfish, termites, moths, flies, and cockroaches.

House centipedes can have anywhere from 15 to 177 pairs of legs, depending on the species. They use them to stun and capture prey with a technique called “lassoing.” With the pair closest to their head, they poison their victims with venom and wrap themselves around the dying insect for a satisfying meal. This bug is also one of the few that doesn’t have a nest or web and isn’t problematic in terms of disease or destruction to your home.

Photo credit: iStock

If you can’t live with house centipedes, the best defense is a good offense.

Start by getting rid of their food. This means reducing moisture with a fan or dehumidifier, sealing off cracks where pests are prone to settle and lay eggs, and keeping trash indoors to a minimum.

Photo credit: Pixabay

Sure, the occasional centipede will still find his way in, no matter what you do. Just resist the urge to whack one out clean out of existence. You’ll reap the benefits of fewer pests and walk away with improved karma.

Do centipedes make you uncomfortable? Let us know in the comments below!

The post Killing a House Centipede is NOT a Good Idea appeared first on UberFacts.

Doctors Share the Best Excuses They’ve Heard From Patients With Something Stuck Wayyy Up Yonder

I have a good friend who’s a nurse and he told me that people come in wayyyyyyy more than you’d think with things stuck in their butts that need to be removed.

Ouch!

And the excuses? They usually sound like total bullshit, as you can probably imagine.

So let’s see exactly what’s going on out there.

AskReddit users shared their painful stories.

1. Let’s try something new.

“Had a guy with a screwdriver up there (handle first).

He was honest. Said the wife wanted to try something new.

Why the screwdriver? Something shaped like a dick would have been gay.

I always thought that was a real weird place to draw that line.”

2. Walking awkwardly.

“Guy comes in, walking kinda awkwardly.

Doesn’t take a seat.

When it’s his turn, he’s called up to triage and again, refuses to sit.

“What brings you in today?” I said.

“I.. uh…. I’ve lost a glass. You know, like a tumbler.”

/Shuffles

“Ok. So, why are you here?”

“Well, we had a party that got out of hand last night. I was cleaning the house this morning and I noticed one of my drinks glasses was missing. And I think it might be up my ass.”

That’s it as far as explanation, but sure enough, there it was on x-ray. Rim-side first, so after it disappeared up his asshole, it basically filled itself with shit.

Now, any time people that know the story ask if I’ve seen something they’ve lost, I ask if they’ve checked their asshole.

3. This is what happened.

“Guy came to my hospital with a cue ball stuck in his rectum. Said him and his wife were having sex and this happened. Made no excuses and showed no shame.

ER doc was unable to remove it with forceps and he had to get anesthesia to have a minor surgical procedure to get it out. My job was basically to just go through a pre surgical check list and send him on his way. When I’m done he shouts excitedly ‘Alright, let’s get this ball rolling!’

I almost died laughing. It was near the end of my shift and I always wonder what happened to him. I’m sure he did fine and is back to having amazing kinky sex with his wife.”

4. Ouch!

“Guy told me he was constipated so he stuck the broom handle up there to break up the poop. I almost believed him.

It was half of a broom handle, cut off and wrapped in electrical tape.

All the way inside…”

5. Fun with Barbie!

“My brother was a triage nurse and examined someone that came in with a barbie doll up their arse….

Don’t know if they were male or female though.”

6. That sounds…terrible.

“My sister is a surgical nurse and a guy came into to the hospital with a pool noodle shoved up his ass. It was so deep that they had to cut open is abdomen, intestines and colon to cut the foam out of him.

He said he “fell on it” while swimming nude. But when they cut him open it had a condom stretched over the end of it.

When they confronted him he said “please don’t tell me wife”.”

7. Back in med school…

“I went to med school in the deep south.

Burly, middle aged southern gentleman showed up in the ED. Chief complaint: rectal pain. After a full history, and physical examination couldn’t ascertain the case of his pain other than him saying “feels like something’s up there,” we decided to start with some X-rays.

Before we obtained them, he says: “Alright I’m gonna be square with you. I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when these thugs jumped me out of nowhere, and held me down and stuck a cucumber up my butt. Please you got to get it out.”

I immediately went to get my attending. One surgical consult and G.I. consult later, a cucumber WRAPPED IN A CONDOM was extracted from this man’s rectum.”

8. Loads of stories.

“Friend is a stomach surgeon so always gets called in to pull things out of arses.

He has loads of stories but the one I remember is a guy who had a glass ketchup bottle up his arse. He’d claimed to have returned home with his grocery shopping, realised he’d lost his key so put shopping down and attempted to climb through a high window.

He slipped, fell backwards arse-first onto his groceries and SHLUM! The ketchup bottle just shot up his a-hole. (Ignore that guy was presumably not naked at time).

After removing it at the hospital, my Dr friend said ‘Thats strange. The ketchup you bought is only half full.’

I think the worst thing is that it suggests he was gonna eat the rest of it another time.”

9. Sounds painful.

“A light bulb.

You could always tell when someone came in to the ER with something lodged in their rectum because everyone would be standing around looking at the X-ray. It was still in perfect light bulb shape.

I have no idea how the patient got it up there without breaking it.”

10. If you loved me…

“Had a patient who showed up with his soon-to-be ex-wife. They were “reconciling” at a nearby motel. She convinced him that if he loved her, he would let her put a dildo in his ass. Only it wasn’t a dildo, it was her vibrator without a flared base.

Rule number one of anal play is make sure that it has a flared base. Rule number two is nothing sharp.

The whole thing went up there and he couldn’t get it out. I had to take it out under anesthesia. She felt awful and was crying the whole time. He was a very blue collar, normal dude and she was dressed in very fancy clothes.

An unlikely match in my mind. He was just happy that they were at my urban hospital and not the uppity town about 15 miles away where they lived.

I often wonder what became of them and their marriage.”

11. I don’t remember…

“A glass water bottle in his ass and he’s desperately trying to find an excuse (not one would really ask at that point actually ) he finally said: I don’t remember who put it there.

Couldn’t you just fell from some stairs or something?”

12. Very interesting…

“My friend is a nurse.

She told me about a guy who came into her ER. He claimed to have fallen out of a tree and a branch went right up his ass. They x rayed him and he had this perfectly round wooden rod up his ass. When they removed it they saw that it was sanded, painted and primed.

That branch must’ve come from a genetically modified species of tree lol.

Do you have any particularly embarrassing medical stories?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Doctors Share the Best Excuses They’ve Heard From Patients With Something Stuck Wayyy Up Yonder appeared first on UberFacts.

Doctors Share the Best Excuses They’ve Heard From Patients With Something Stuck Wayyy Up Yonder

I have a good friend who’s a nurse and he told me that people come in wayyyyyyy more than you’d think with things stuck in their butts that need to be removed.

Ouch!

And the excuses? They usually sound like total bullshit, as you can probably imagine.

So let’s see exactly what’s going on out there.

AskReddit users shared their painful stories.

1. Let’s try something new.

“Had a guy with a screwdriver up there (handle first).

He was honest. Said the wife wanted to try something new.

Why the screwdriver? Something shaped like a dick would have been gay.

I always thought that was a real weird place to draw that line.”

2. Walking awkwardly.

“Guy comes in, walking kinda awkwardly.

Doesn’t take a seat.

When it’s his turn, he’s called up to triage and again, refuses to sit.

“What brings you in today?” I said.

“I.. uh…. I’ve lost a glass. You know, like a tumbler.”

/Shuffles

“Ok. So, why are you here?”

“Well, we had a party that got out of hand last night. I was cleaning the house this morning and I noticed one of my drinks glasses was missing. And I think it might be up my ass.”

That’s it as far as explanation, but sure enough, there it was on x-ray. Rim-side first, so after it disappeared up his asshole, it basically filled itself with shit.

Now, any time people that know the story ask if I’ve seen something they’ve lost, I ask if they’ve checked their asshole.

3. This is what happened.

“Guy came to my hospital with a cue ball stuck in his rectum. Said him and his wife were having sex and this happened. Made no excuses and showed no shame.

ER doc was unable to remove it with forceps and he had to get anesthesia to have a minor surgical procedure to get it out. My job was basically to just go through a pre surgical check list and send him on his way. When I’m done he shouts excitedly ‘Alright, let’s get this ball rolling!’

I almost died laughing. It was near the end of my shift and I always wonder what happened to him. I’m sure he did fine and is back to having amazing kinky sex with his wife.”

4. Ouch!

“Guy told me he was constipated so he stuck the broom handle up there to break up the poop. I almost believed him.

It was half of a broom handle, cut off and wrapped in electrical tape.

All the way inside…”

5. Fun with Barbie!

“My brother was a triage nurse and examined someone that came in with a barbie doll up their arse….

Don’t know if they were male or female though.”

6. That sounds…terrible.

“My sister is a surgical nurse and a guy came into to the hospital with a pool noodle shoved up his ass. It was so deep that they had to cut open is abdomen, intestines and colon to cut the foam out of him.

He said he “fell on it” while swimming nude. But when they cut him open it had a condom stretched over the end of it.

When they confronted him he said “please don’t tell me wife”.”

7. Back in med school…

“I went to med school in the deep south.

Burly, middle aged southern gentleman showed up in the ED. Chief complaint: rectal pain. After a full history, and physical examination couldn’t ascertain the case of his pain other than him saying “feels like something’s up there,” we decided to start with some X-rays.

Before we obtained them, he says: “Alright I’m gonna be square with you. I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when these thugs jumped me out of nowhere, and held me down and stuck a cucumber up my butt. Please you got to get it out.”

I immediately went to get my attending. One surgical consult and G.I. consult later, a cucumber WRAPPED IN A CONDOM was extracted from this man’s rectum.”

8. Loads of stories.

“Friend is a stomach surgeon so always gets called in to pull things out of arses.

He has loads of stories but the one I remember is a guy who had a glass ketchup bottle up his arse. He’d claimed to have returned home with his grocery shopping, realised he’d lost his key so put shopping down and attempted to climb through a high window.

He slipped, fell backwards arse-first onto his groceries and SHLUM! The ketchup bottle just shot up his a-hole. (Ignore that guy was presumably not naked at time).

After removing it at the hospital, my Dr friend said ‘Thats strange. The ketchup you bought is only half full.’

I think the worst thing is that it suggests he was gonna eat the rest of it another time.”

9. Sounds painful.

“A light bulb.

You could always tell when someone came in to the ER with something lodged in their rectum because everyone would be standing around looking at the X-ray. It was still in perfect light bulb shape.

I have no idea how the patient got it up there without breaking it.”

10. If you loved me…

“Had a patient who showed up with his soon-to-be ex-wife. They were “reconciling” at a nearby motel. She convinced him that if he loved her, he would let her put a dildo in his ass. Only it wasn’t a dildo, it was her vibrator without a flared base.

Rule number one of anal play is make sure that it has a flared base. Rule number two is nothing sharp.

The whole thing went up there and he couldn’t get it out. I had to take it out under anesthesia. She felt awful and was crying the whole time. He was a very blue collar, normal dude and she was dressed in very fancy clothes.

An unlikely match in my mind. He was just happy that they were at my urban hospital and not the uppity town about 15 miles away where they lived.

I often wonder what became of them and their marriage.”

11. I don’t remember…

“A glass water bottle in his ass and he’s desperately trying to find an excuse (not one would really ask at that point actually ) he finally said: I don’t remember who put it there.

Couldn’t you just fell from some stairs or something?”

12. Very interesting…

“My friend is a nurse.

She told me about a guy who came into her ER. He claimed to have fallen out of a tree and a branch went right up his ass. They x rayed him and he had this perfectly round wooden rod up his ass. When they removed it they saw that it was sanded, painted and primed.

That branch must’ve come from a genetically modified species of tree lol.

Do you have any particularly embarrassing medical stories?

If so, please share them with us in the comments.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Doctors Share the Best Excuses They’ve Heard From Patients With Something Stuck Wayyy Up Yonder appeared first on UberFacts.