These Paternity Test Results from a Zoo in Switzerland Are Straight out of “Jerry Springer”

When we think of paternity tests, particularly ones that cause drama and scandal, we tend it to think of them as a uniquely human problem. It turns out, however, that we aren’t the only species to wind up with some truly surprising paternity test results. This time, it was the orangutans in the hot seat.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Padma was born about five months ago. Her parents were thought to be Maja and Budi, a male and female who were matched specifically because of how little overlapping DNA they shared. Orangutans are part of the Endangered Species Program, so, when they are bred at zoos, increasing genetic diversity is a top priority.

But when the results of the paternity test came back…it turned out Budi was not the father.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Instead, the zoo’s dominant male Vendel was the other half of the parental equation – even though he lived in an entirely different enclosure. One that had an open border somewhere, since that was where Maja went to get what she needed from the male orangutan of her choice.

Apparently, Vendel has something that Budi does not: cheek pads. The fabulously extravagant face flaps, also known as flanges, are to female orangutans like dimples or cleft chins are to human females.

Which is to say, irresistible.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The paternity testing is standard procedure, even though this is the first time a test has come back with unexpected results – at least in Basel. The Loveland Living Planet Aquarium in Utah can sympathize, though, since they recently had some test results reveal that their usually-monogamous Gentoo penguins were sharing partners for funsies.

Which just goes to show, once again, that humans aren’t as removed from the animal world as we would like to think.

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Dad Melts Hearts with His Wheelchair-Accessible Snow Fort

Parenting is a hard job, and I’m literally only saying that with the experience of being a puppy parent! Whether you have a fur baby or a real baby, it’s hard to always find the energy to play with them – especially when it’s cold outside.

That’s why I gotta give mad props to Greg Eichhorn of Ohio, who is a father to 9 adopted, special needs children. Although two of those kids are wheelchair-bound, Greg figured that shouldn’t stop them from enjoying a snow fort like every other kid on the block.

Photo Credit: Reddit

“We built a bigger igloo – one that had a handicap-accessible hole so Elijah and Zahara could experience it, because I did when I was a kid,” he explained.

The adorable, thoughtful act garnered attention on social media when a friend of Eichhorn shared a picture of the fort and his buddy’s ingenuity on Reddit.

Comments poured in and were, true to Reddit form, all over the board. That said, the majority of people thought he was a pretty awesome dad for not only getting out there, but going above and beyond to ensure that all of his children were able to enjoy the day.

Photo Credit: Facebook

As far as Eichhorn himself, he doesn’t think he did anything special. But he is using his moment in the spotlight to advocate for adoption.

“Our family is getting kind of full and it would be great if people stepped up, took on the same roles and enjoyed the kind of joy that we do. Because yeah, we get a lot of joy out of life.”

What’s more, when people reached out with offers to donate money to Eichhorn and his family, he declined, suggesting they donate the money to their local adoption agencies instead.

He sounds like a stand-up guy – and one with some pretty serious snow fort building skills. I’m not sure what else you need to be voted Dad of the Year.

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These Memes About Marriage Will Make You Laugh and Cry

Marriage is one of those things that you’ve gotta laugh through, or else it’ll never survive. It’s a (hopefully) lifelong journey with plenty of ups and downs, so having a sense of humor is pretty essential.

These memes perfectly capture the hilarious (and at times terrible) realities of marriage. Even if you’re not married, you’ll totally sympathize (and giggle).

1. Quit cleaning the weird shit

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. You have 30 minutes

Photo Credit: someecards

3. That is terrifying

Photo Credit: Twitter

4. The answer is ‘no’

Photo Credit: someecards

5. That’s my spot

Photo Credit: someecards

6. Not very long

Photo Credit: someecards

7. You ready?

Photo Credit: someecards

8. Forever nachos

Photo Credit: someecards

9. May I ask why?

Photo Credit: someecards

10. Just don’t

Photo Credit: someecards

11. A bit of a difference

Photo Credit: someecards

12. Prepare

Photo Credit: someecards

13. Proof

Photo Credit: Twitter

14. Not so hard

Photo Credit: someecards

15. Ah, Sundays

Photo Credit: someecards

16. Life revolves around food

Photo Credit: someecards

17. This is gonna be close

Photo Credit: someecards

18. I’ve never heard that

Photo Credit: Twitter

19. Too real

Photo Credit: Twitter

20. That’s what it’s all about

Photo Credit: Twitter

Ahhhhh, married life. Isn’t it glorious?

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Tumblr Provides Definitive Proof That Humans Are Adorable

In this world of crazy, bad news all the time, it’s nice to have the occasional reminder that most people are good and decent. Thankully, this Tumblr thread is here to remind us of the adorable things that humans do. For example:

Photo Credit: Imgur

Ow? Ow!

Also:

Photo Credit: Imgur

Well, yeah. Shiny things are great! And who doesn’t love the beach?

Photo Credit: Imgur

Soft, fluffy bedding sounds amazing.

Photo Credit: Imgur

Sneezes are kind of amazing. And frustrating.

Photo Credit: Imgur

I do love my reassurance treats. This note sums things up nicely.

Photo Credit: Imgur

Humans – we’re delightful (sometimes)!

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20 Comics That Perfectly Sum Up Sharing a Bed with Your Partner

A major part of learning to be in a long-term relationship is learning how to share a bed with your partner. It’s one of those things that you can simultaneously love and also be driven insane by.

Maybe you go back and forth a little bit, alternating between being really annoyed and extremely content and comfortable.

Whatever your feelings are on the subject, these comics will look very familiar to you…

1. No escape

2. World’s tiniest bladder

3. So HOT in here

4. Blinded by the light

Photo Credit: Facebook,Hedger Humor

5. You’re on my side

Photo Credit: Dina Odess

6. Keeping the other person up

Photo Credit: Yehuda and Maya Devir

7. Split personality

Photo Credit: Facebook,Six Pack Mom

8. Ahhhhhhh

Photo Credit: Our Super Adventure

9. That awful morning breath

10. You’re on my hair!

Photo Credit: Yehuda and Maya Devir

11. Claws

12. Uh oh

Photo Credit: Our Super Adventure

13. Still need a little touch

Photo Credit: Yehuda and Maya Devir

14. Different methods

Photo Credit: Facebook,Hedger Humor

15. Too much sun…don’t touch me

16. No eating in bed!

Photo Credit: Our Super Adventure

17. Isn’t it always this way?

Photo Credit: Facebook,Hedger Humor

18. Too tired to shower

Photo Credit: Yehuda and Maya Devir

19. Stare into my eyes

20. No sex, sorry

I bet a lot of these hit close to home, didn’t they?

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According to a study…

According to a study from UC Berkeley, the most successful marriages were those where the wife was able to calm down quickly after arguments – The husbands’ emotional regulation had little to no bearing on long-term satisfaction.

Grandma Takes Incredible Boudoir Pics to Prove That #RelationshipGoals Have No Age Limit

Boudoir pictures are all the rage these days. If you’re unfamiliar, they’re basically just some racy photos one usually takes (often with the help of a photographer) as a sexy surprise for their significant other.

But sexy photos are usually the purview of younger couples. You know, the set that doesn’t have to worry about extra skin and stretch marks and saggy boobs, et al.

Then again, screw body negativity! Once your kids leave the nest, it seems like the perfect time invest in some sexy snaps!

Maybe that’s what Georgia grandma Lisa Bishop thought when her daughter Samantha, who takes boudoir photographs for a living, offered to photograph her. However, they decided to take the boudoir idea and turn it on its head – or knitting needles as the case may be.

She told Scary Mommy:

“I’m a boudoir photographer and my mom and I talked about doing a shoot. She said she’d only do one if we could do it in a bathtub full of yarn.”

And thus, this beautiful, hilarious idea came to fruition.

It may have begun as a joke but as they went along, Lisa really started to get into it. They started with the yarn, but then took things a step further…

Your eyes do not deceive you — those are Wether’s Originals pouring over her bare legs. This is how a legend is born.

Her daughter revealed that they didn’t even have to buy any of the props.

“She’s an avid crocheter, so we already had the yarn on hand.”

No word on the Werther’s, though I figure Lisa’s got lots more where those came from…

The good news is the last few pages of the photo album are blank, which means we can all cross our fingers for follow up shots.

You can see by her husband’s reaction that he’s hoping for the same.

“Oh good,” he says. “There’s room for more.”

Amen, Mike. Amen.

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People Reveal Some of the Pettiest Reasons They’ve Ended a Relationship

Relationships often come to an end. Sometimes, that end is amicable and based on some pretty sound reasons that make breaking up the best option for both parties. Other times, the reason is seemingly trivial, like someone leaving dirty socks ALL OVER THE PLACE. It may sound silly, but if that little thing is a trigger for you, it can be a dealbreaker.

Those little, deal-breaking things can honestly be pretty hilarious – they just go to show how particular people can be. Some of the ones in this AskReddit post even feel like they’re straight out of a Seinfeld episode. Maybe we’ll see some of these relationship-ending quirks on the next big sitcom?

1. Condescending

“She had been to university and I hadn’t, wasn’t really much of a big deal to me. Until one day she had her friends round, and they were talking and I was obviously trying to engage in conversation and make a good first impression.

At which point she said “aw you don’t have to try to talk to us, you can watch TV” I can see how it might have been innocent, but f*cking hell it felt condescending. I’m not a child, I can be part of an adult conversation without a degree.”

2. The bus was the culprit

“When I was in high school I broke up with my boyfriend when it came time to pick our bus seats for the semester. I knew he’d want to sit together. I also knew we’d probably break up during the semester, and then have to go through the drama and embarrassment of getting our seats changed. So I broke up with him before the seating charts came out to make my life easier down the road.”

3. Didn’t see an issue?

“I was the dumpee not the dumper. I shared a post on Facebook of the new Dragonball Z Adidas sneakers. My fiance’s sister’s BF commented calling my friends and I nerds and threatened to kill us. Fiance didn’t see an issue with this and sided with him. We got in a huge fight a bout it which led to her texting me at work a few days later to end our 4 year relationship via text.”

4. Rumors

“A girl I rode the bus with in middle School asked me out, I said sure. On the way home that same day she complimented my eyes and asked if I wore mascara. Being that I’ve always been a sarcastic ass I said, something like “Yup. If you like that, you should see me with my lipstick on.”

She broke up with me on the spot and started a rumor that I was gay. I’d blame her for the fact that I didn’t get any other girlfriends until high school, but it didn’t exactly score me any boyfriend’s either… so I guess it was just me. Lol.”

5. Unforgivable

“She criticized the way I cut green peppers. I learned from professional chefs, and she just butchered them when I asked her to show me how I was “supposed to do it”.

Also, she didn’t think dinosaurs ever existed. She was 23, and I was 24.”

6. That’s annoying

“I was seeing this guy who would always say “I forgive you” any time we slightly disagreed on something or I did something little like shut the car door too hard. I got so annoyed of being “forgiven” for things I hadn’t even apologized for.

Still irritates me and it’s supposed to be a polite thing. Irksome.”

7. The dreaded brown shirt

“He wore this one brown shirt I absolutely hated like once a week at least. I figured I didn’t really like him that much if I was so focused on one shirt. I was also 15.”

8. Realization

“Haha, that rings a bell with me. My first gf did something similar:

We went to the FiBo (Huge fitness fair in Germany) and got in line to get some goodies. The stand we were at handed out T-Shirts, both of us got the same size (she wanted hers oversized). A couple days later she mentioned that she didn’t really need or like her shirt and I said I’d take it – she wanted 5 bucks in exchange.

I really wanted that shirt, so I said screw it and gave her the money.

Month or two later, she wanted her shirt back. Didn’t give me my money back.

That was some serious Scrooge McDuck move lol. It made me realize however (along with a lot of other things she did) that this isn’t a person I wanna be with.”

9. $2

“She wanted $2 for my share of the pizza we bought after I filled up my car to take us and some friends to the mall. There was about 5 years of bullsh*t before that… but that $2 was the final straw.”

10. I need some space

“I was 17 and leaving for the Army. We had only been dating a couple months, and the night before I shipped out, she gave me one of those cringey morph photos of what your kids would look like based on pictures of the couple.

She wasn’t typically crazy, just really insecure and young me saw my life flash before my eyes. I sat her down and explained that it was a crazy stressful time, she was still a sophomore or junior in high school, and that I needed some space to get some life momentum and couldn’t string her along into the unknown. She cried, we hugged and kissed goodbye for about an hour, and that was that.”

11. Musician problems

“A friend who is obscenely into classical music was dating a violinist and broke up with her because she mispronounced Shostakovich.

Musician problems I guess.”

12. Bonus

“She was pissed I wasn’t sharing my year end bonus with **her**. She obviously snooped in my checkbook at home office.”

13. Can’t get past that tat

“A bad tattoo.

She had a really big (and bad) Alkaline Trio tattoo on her lower back. It was clearly from another time in her life. But for some reason I just couldn’t move past it. We’d be having sex and I just couldn’t stop looking at it.

Other than that I was really attracted to her. But I can still see that tattoo in my mind and it makes me cringe.”

14. Actually…

“She was mad at me because she thought I didn’t like her cat.
I liked the cat better than her, so I figured it was time to bow out.”

15. Choose

“She gave me one of those Force FX lightsabers, even though she wasn’t a Star Wars fan at all. 30-minutes later, she starts a fight and tries to take the lightsaber. I said it was a gift. “It’s me or the lightsaber,” she says.

It’s sitting above my office desk as I type this.”

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15+ Dads Who Totally Out-Dadded Themselves This Year

Dads are a whole other breed of human. I’m not sure if “Dad-ness” (which includes symptoms like lame jokes and wearing New Balance shoes) is something that all men just carry dormant within them, or if it’s a side-effect of having kids. Either way, it comes for all of us one day.

But that’s what makes Dads such wonderful (and funny) people.

And these dads are taking it to the next level.

1. Hahahaha

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. F-A-R-T

Photo Credit: Twitter

3. Meow

Photo Credit: Twitter

4. He needed that

Photo Credit: Twitter

5. He’s an expert now

Photo Credit: Twitter

6. Backup

Photo Credit: Twitter

7. Proud papa

Photo Credit: Twitter

8. We can get toast, too

Photo Credit: Twitter

9. Yes, you do

Photo Credit: Twitter

10. Which one are you again?

Photo Credit: Twitter

11. This is incredible

Photo Credit: Twitter

12. Solid move

Photo Credit: Twitter

13. Sorry, Dad

Photo Credit: Twitter

14. Noooooooooo

Photo Credit: Twitter

15. Sounds familiar

Photo Credit: Twitter

16. Why not?

Photo Credit: Twitter

17. Slang

Photo Credit: Twitter

18. He blew it

Photo Credit: Twitter

19. You’ve been lied to

Photo Credit: Twitter

20. Going way back

Photo Credit: Twitter

Let’s all tip our caps to the dads out there. They keep us entertained, if nothing else.

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This Family’s Christmas Card Gets Better and Better Every Year

When it comes to their annual Christmas card, the Stanley family from Charlotte, North Carolina has it all figured out.

For the past five years, Mom, Dad, two brothers, a new little sister (this year) have mailed out a hilarious and crazy Christmas card to friends and family.

Jonathan Stanley said, “The very first time we tried to take a “traditional” Christmas card photo we had hilariously bad results.” So why not do something different.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Jonathan added, “We were new parents with a one-year-old and everything went wrong – baby cried the whole time, it was windy, the lighting kept changing, you name it. If 2 of us looked okay, the third one blinked. We laughed so hard at how bad the photos were that we decided just to send them out as is and our family loved it. From there the tradition was born – instead of trying to send perfect cards, we would send something that represented the chaos of parenting.”

Scroll through the Stanleys’ cards and you’ll see the evolution of the family and the laughs.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Photo Credit: Reddit

Photo Credit: Reddit

Photo Credit: Reddit

Can’t wait to see next year’s version.

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