These People’s Families Were Upended by DNA Websites, and Here Are Their Stories

I know a lot of people who have done DNA tests and gotten some fascinating results. Personally, I’m still wary of handing over my DNA to some corporation, who could easily decide to sell their database of information to, say, a pharmaceutical company.

Judging by these responses from AskReddit users, I think I might have the right idea.

1. Holier than thou

“Spouse found out his dad wasn’t his dad. His judgmental holier than thou Catholic mom had some explaining to do. He lost an immense amount of respect for her, especially when the bio dad tried to reach out to him. She is still in contact with the married man she had an affair with over 4 decades ago. He refuses to speak to him and has limited contact with her.”

2. Neanderthal

“I discovered that I have some of the highest known Neanderthal DNA, more than 99% users and over 4% of my total DNA. 3 tests submitted and a flight provided to a university in Australia for a testing. Was cool at first, and then not.

It bothered my wife a bit at first thanks to watching a couple documentaries.”

3. No one ever told them

“Not me, but one of my bar regulars did the test with her older sister. Turns out not only are they not related to each other, but both of them are adopted. And, their adoptive parents are both dead. And, their entire extended family knew the whole time but no one ever told them.”

4. I feel like this probably happens a lot

“I found out I’m not Irish after taking one….I have an Irish tattoo. My mom’s family always bragged about how Irish we were. My life obviously wasn’t destroyed but funny anyways.

It was over twenty years ago, I was 18 and stupid. The tattoo is a nautical compass with a Celtic knot in the middle on my shoulder.”

5. A happy ending

“My story has a rough beginning, but a happy ending. I apologize, this will be a bit lengthy.

I ordered 23andme to try to figure out “what” I was, not to track down any long lost family members. I had known since I was a teenager that my dad who raised me wasn’t my biological father. I used to ask my mom if I was adopted because I don’t look like anyone in my family.

My mom is almost 100% Irish and my dad (who raised me, he is and always will be my dad) is also Caucasian and I look a bit ethnically ambiguous. Olive (but fair) skin, dark hair, and green eyes; no one else in my family looked like me. My mom finally told me the truth when i was 16.

When I got my report back, I was mostly European by my breakdown, I was still confused. I had several cousins show up, but contacting them didn’t interest me at all. One day I got a notification that I had new relatives and a half sister popped up. This caught me completely off guard and I didn’t know what to do…because I wanted to contact her.

For the first time ever, I wanted to know more. I messaged her, not telling anything about myself, just that if she’d like to know more about me, I would be open with all that I knew. I never got a reply, this kind of broke my heart if I’m being honest, but I accepted that she probably knew nothing of me and that the revelation of my existence may have hurt their family horribly.

A few months later a second cousin popped up and she was shown to be the first cousin of my “half sister,” this confused me even more. Why was she my second cousin and my half sisters first cousin?She contacted me because she thought I may have answers for her, I told her that I had tried to contact my half sister but heard nothing and apologized for not being able to help her. (Her story is oddly similar to mine.) She also told me that she had communicated briefly with her first cousin, but after bringing me up, she cut off contact with her.

That made me feel horrible. But through our brief interaction, i realized that the three of us were connected through my “half sisters” maternal blood line. I know my mom is my mom, there’s no question there, so I started thinking, how could this be?..then I realized that my “half sister” was actually my aunt, my biological father’s sister. Half-siblings, aunts and uncles, and grandparents all share 25% of their DNA, all the connections on these websites are based on probability.

I messaged her again and told her that I thought she may be my aunt and I told her more about myself…my birthdate and where I was conceived, and that if she had a brother who was in that area at that time, he was my biological father. She messaged me back in no time. It turns out that my paternal grandfather had passed away years ago and when she got the first message and saw the half sister connection, she assumed her father had a child that none of them knew about. I’m younger than her and her siblings, obviously, so I would have come along after them.

She didn’t contact me because she didn’t want to hurt her mother, and I’m sure she was hurt by this too. I understood, completely. She then went on to tell me that they all knew about me but didn’t want to disrupt my life. She said my biological father never forgot about me…I had always thought I was his dirty little secret. (He and my mother were both married to other people when I was conceived..that’s another long story.)

Anyways, my husband, children, and I have since met them all. I actually have three half siblings that also knew about me. It was so strange to finally meet people who I resemble. I’m a spitting image of my paternal grandmother when she was young, they were all blown away by that. We stay in contact and I couldn’t be happier that I bought the 23andme kit.”

6. Scandalous

“My 75-year-old grandmother just found out her dad was not her real dad. Turns out her mom had an affair with the family doctor and never told a single soul. Not only did she find out her family doctor was her real dad (the one who birthed not only her but also all of her own children) but turns out this family doctor was sleeping with a lot his patients.

She now has a bunch of new half sisters and brothers, some of them knew who their real dad was and some of them didn’t. My great grandmother was quite the secret keeper.”

7. White mystery

“My dad turned out not to be my dad. So the basic 23andMe family surprise I guess? Also found out that my heritage can best be described as white mystery.”

8. Pissed

“When my birth mom was pregnant with me she was too ashamed to admit who my father was. She was too young to be a mom and so she gave me to my current parents when I was born.(they were 10 years older than her and already had a kid) I love my parents and couldn’t care who my birth father was but I wanted to see what I was made of.

Everyone was pretty pissed when we found out my dad was my birth dad.”

9. At least three

“Not destroyed, it just confirmed what we already knew that there was more than one Father between 5 siblings. At least three as it turned out.”

10. Dreading the future

“My grandpa passed away from Alzheimer’s, so my family uploaded our raw DNA to another site to see if any of us have the same genes that make it likely for any of the rest of us to have it as well. Luckily most of us didn’t have the gene my grandpa had, but my uncles have it. So while my immediate family knows we’ve got average chances, my poor uncles are probably dreading the future.”

11. Finding family

“I’ve been searching for my father my whole life and through 23andme I just found a half-brother, finally answering the question. Our father is unfortunately passed, but we’re meeting in person in April.

A couple weeks after we found each other we were also contacted by another half-sister.”

12. Inconclusive

“My brother got our whole family 23andMe kits for Christmas last year. Everyone did the swab and got their results back which showed how we’re all related and yada yada yada, but my results came back inconclusive. 23andMe sent me a new kit to do it again and THAT one also came back inconclusive. So the company sent me an email basically saying I can never do it again probably because I’m using a bunch of resources with no results.

Anyway now my family says I don’t have any human DNA and that I must be a lizard. They make lizard sounds when I’m around and I am ashamed.”

13. What are the chances?

“Kind of the opposite. I found out I have an older sister, apparently my dad was being a little promiscuous lol. RIP old man. And she also shares my birthday, what are the chances?!”

14. He didn’t know

“I just got off the phone with my newly found bio dad. My mom died in 1980, my dad in 2012. I logged Friday in to AncestryDNA to get my results from their Black Friday sale. It said that this person in NC was my father, no doubt. Turns out it was my moms boyfriend before my dad came along. I have no idea if anyone knew. My newly found father certainly didn’t.”

15. Oh, Papa

“Ours was backwards. A French lady messaged my mom and said she thought they shared a father. Very believable because Papa was a proven whore. Sure enough she did a 23andMe and sure enough papa is a great big slut. Rest in peace.”

 

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Apparently, Smelling Your Partner’s… Gas… Could Help You Live Longer

In today’s edition of adorable but also disgusting news, scientists have determined that smelling your partner’s… gaseous emissions (aka farts)… may just help you live longer.

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

A study in the journal Medicinal Chemistry Communications showed that exposure to hydrogen sulfide, the same gas you that pass, can help ward off mitochondrial damage that causes various health problems.

Researcher Dr. Mark Wood said, “Although hydrogen sulfide is well known as a pungent, foul-smelling gas in rotten eggs and flatulence, it is naturally produced in the body and could in fact be a healthcare hero.”

Photo Credit: Flickr,Eli Duke

The study showed that exposure to hydrogen sulfide in small amounts can help reduce the risk of strokes, heart attacks, and cancer. Another researcher spoke about how the team created a new compound called AP39 that they believe will help the body produce the right amount of hydrogen sulfide and that the compound can be delivered to certain cells. Matt Whiteman said:

“When cells become stressed by disease, they draw in enzymes to generate minute quantities of hydrogen sulfide. This keeps the mitochondria ticking over and allows cells to live. If this doesn’t happen, the cells die and lose the ability to regulate survival and control inflammation.

We have exploited this natural process by making a compound, called AP39, which slowly delivers very small amounts of this gas specifically to the mitochondria. Our results indicate that if stressed cells are treated with AP39, mitochondria are protected and cells stay alive.”

Now that you’re armed with this information, you know what you have to do…

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This Woman Finally Got the ‘Smoking Hot Body’ She Always Wanted… In Her Obituary

If you’re fortunate enough to live a long life, one long enough that you can actually plan for your passing away, do yourself a favor and write your own obituary.

If you need more convincing, take the example of Sybil Marie Hicks. She wrote her own obituary shortly before she died on February 2, and it is absolutely hilarious.

Hicks started the obituary by saying, “It hurts me to admit it…but I, Mrs. Ron Hicks from Baysville, have passed away.”

She also called her husband a “Horse’s Ass” and joked about her children who she says she “tolerated over the years.”

But Ms. Hicks saved the best line for herself: “I finally have the smoking hot body I have always wanted. Having been cremated.”

Photo Credit: Twitter

Zing!

Hicks also talked about a “Dorothy” now taking care of her husband, but some think it was just another example of the late woman’s sense of humor.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Hicks’ obituary rightfully went viral and her daughter commented on the attention.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Man, this lady was hilarious.

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20 of the Greatest Tinder Profiles We’ve Ever Seen

You’ve gotta spend a LOT of time on dating apps before you find someone you’d actually consider meeting up with. On the other side of that, it also takes more effort than ever to get noticed and stand out from the crowd.

If you’re lucky, you’ll come across some folks like these with funny and unique profiles.

1. Some kind words

Photo Credit: Tinder

2. Sense of humor is a must

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3. Get it?

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4. Judy!

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5. She’s a gem

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6. That’s weird?

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7. Ouch

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8. Don’t mess with her

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9. Hey o!

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10. Pros and cons

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11. What a gentleman

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12. Reviews

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13. What to expect

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14. All sound like good options

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15. Needs a new companion

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16. Bless her heart

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17. LOL

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18. Not smelly

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19. You got Rick rolled

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20. No nudes

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Are you looking for love? Any luck?

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15 of the Pettiest Reasons People Have Swipe Left on Dating Apps

Dating has always been tough, but in the modern age, it seems to have become more complicated than ever! Now we have the option to not even have to look someone in the face as we reject them. All it takes is a simple swipe.

Sure, it’s easier in some ways, but it’s also kind of impersonal and allows people to be pettier than ever

Photo Credit: Twitter

Me? I used to decline anyone who had no “last book read” in that section of their profile.

Photo Credit: Twitter

In the interest of science and love and all that, check out 15 reasons people give for automatically swiping left.

#1. Netflix and pizza, plz.

Image Credit: Twitter

#2. In theory.

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#3. Hard pass.

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#4. Somewhere in between but I’m not mad.

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#5. Save that particular torture for parenthood.

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#6. So much.

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#7. I don’t see the problem.

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#8. A list of grievances.

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#9. You don’t know me.

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#10. Dont @ me.

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#11. Stop it.

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#12. I don’t need to date anyone who’s going to make me feel bad about myself.

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#13. You’re too much work.

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#14. I don’t want to do that.

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#15. Fail.

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Good luck out there. It’s rough!

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These 15 Parents Honestly Deserve an Award for Their Patience

Parenting is easily one of the hardest jobs out there, and I honestly tip my hat to all the parents out there. You’re doing great!

I especially have to give props to these parents, who deserve a Nobel Prize or a new car.

1. I’d say genius

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2. That’ll help

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3. Keep going

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4. Not a good Saturday

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5. Not like that!

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6. For sale

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7. Amazed

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8. Zzzzzzzzzzz

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9. Dog?

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10. They’re real

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11. Not a pancake

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12. I like this term

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13. Tomato warning

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14. Unprepared

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15. Me, too

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And the award goes to…

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15 Tweets That Are Just So “Mom”

Is your mom a funny mom? I know mine definitely is – both intentionally and unintentionally (like moms are supposed to be, in my humblest opinion).

1. Listen up, Mama

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2. Guilt trip to the max

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3. Babied

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4. That’s the cause

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5. Viruses everywhere

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6. Not going anywhere

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7. #3 is intense

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8. NO

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9. Not what that means

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10. Don’t let it out!

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11. Better start defrosting that

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12. They’re closed!

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13. Hmmmm

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14. Just LOL

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15. Double-edged sword

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Mom…she’s at it again!

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15+ Absolutely Hilarious Things Kids Said to Their Parents

I’ll say it: Kids are weird. I don’t even feel bad saying it because ou know I’m right.

And thankfully we have parents who are willing to share their kids’ weird sayings with all of us so we can enjoy their weirdness!

1. Not what I meant

Photo Credit: Twitter

2. That’s all for today

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3. That’s a lot

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4. GET HER

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5. Not me

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6. Hmmm…

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7. Feet traps

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8. Good question

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9. RUTHLESS

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10. That sounds good to me

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11. I kind of like that

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12. Who knows?

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13. Not real

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14. Questioning life now

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15. Not entirely wrong

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16. What a coincidence

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17. That’s all it takes

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18. Don’t worry about it

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19. Thanks for ruining it

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20. Hahaha

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But weird in a good way!

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Son Posts Mom’s Painting Online, Sets off a Chain Reaction of Creativity

Having your work critiqued is always difficult. It’s a very vulnerable position to put yourself in, because you never know how someone will react to your work.  Particularly for beginners, it can be a disheartening process.

A Reddit user wanted to encourage his mother, Cindi Decker, to stick with her artwork, so he decided to post a photo of her holding one of her first paintings.

Here is the photo of Decker and her painting with the caption, “My mom painted this and said no one would like it. It’s her 2nd painting.”

Photo Credit: Imgur

Little did mother and son know that the online floodgates were going to open, in a good way. A Reddit user suggested “Someone paint the photo of his mom holding her painting and repost it with the same title for extra extra karma.” And what do you know…

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And then, well…the Internet spiraled into a vortex of fun creativity.

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And we continue further…

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Cindi Decker said of all the hoopla, “Even though people say, ‘You inspired me to paint,’ I don’t know that it was so much me. I really give credit to the first artist who painted. You know, I’m not a painter. I’m just somebody who went out and did a little painting thing, so I got lucky to get caught up in all this fun craziness.”

I love when the Internet comes together for good instead of evil! Let’s see more of this!

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This Guy’s Duck Story on Tinder Is Easily the Greatest Way to Score a Girl’s Number

Dating these days is… well, let’s just say it’s not like it used to be. Thanks to Tinder, manners and charm have seemingly gone out the window. Welcome to the world of the insta-date. Swipe right, swipe left, match, get the number, set up a date, sleep together…then what? Lather, rinse, repeat, I suppose.

Well, this guy has all the other Tinder men beat with his funny and intriguing story about a duck – all to get the girl’s number. His creativity charmed her, and I bet he actually made her laugh enough to hand over the digits.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/mattythegee

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/mattythegee

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/mattythegee

Many people applauded his creativity and are thinking of trying it out for themselves.

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/LUCIEN

Photo Credit: Reddit, u/drkrogue

Photo Credit: Ruin My Week

Photo Credit: Ruin My Week

Take note gentleman (and ladies)! This is a game changer.

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