16 Tweets That Accurately Capture the Struggle of Adulthood

“Youth is wasted on the young.”

I often think about this quote when I ride in to work every day and consider what I’ve done with my life. Because we had all that time! And what did we do with it? Eat gummy fruits and watch reruns? Why wasn’t I investing in stocks?!

Thankfully, there’s Twitter. Where comedians hang out and tweet funny shit that we can all relate to.

Let’s have fun.

16. I scream! And… that’s it. I just scream.

15. MINE!

14. Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? A: An employee, apparently.

13. Drugs help.

12. So much me. So much.

11. I didn’t ask for this!

10. 4 hours at least. 6 hours at the most.

9. What a pain!

8. Why doesn’t anybody stop me from doing these things?!

7. Time works differently now.

6. OMG. This is so true!

5. Too expensive!

4. Can I hire a domineering mom for another 5 years?

3. I read lots of Böökes

2. Stop jumping! I want to get back on my feet!

1. Wait… how much is THAT?

Now that was some good adulthood! I feel MUCH better about ALL my choices.

What do you think? Do you struggle with being all grown up and stuff?

Let us know in the comments!

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10 Funny Tweets About Living with Your Significant Other

Living with another person is difficult. If it’s your family, a roommate, a partner – human beings (including ourselves, I guess) are just weird and gross and we have habits we don’t even realize are annoying until someone else points it out.

Cohabitation can be a real test for a relationship, but less so if one or both parties can manage to keep their sense of humor.

In that way, at least, these 10 tweets should help.

10. How else are things going to get done once you’re gone?

9. I mean, can he not see it?

8. This is the truth.

7. Because getting up is just out of the question.

6. It’s important to be there for each other.

5. You know she still loves you because she pretended to listen to the whole thing.

4. And then, Your Honor, I grabbed HIS pillow…

3. Can I get an amen?

2. That was so cute.

1. Don’t mess with that one.

Good luck out there, romantics. Try to keep some of the mystery alive.

What’s your advice for people getting ready to live together for the first time?

Let us know in the comments!

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13 Funny Tweets About Living with Another Person

There’s really no better way to get to know a person than to move in with them, right? Whether you’re talking roommates or romantic partner, sharing space is not the easiest thing in the world.

In fact, doing it while still maintaining a good relationship and not murdering anyone is damn hard.

If you’re doing it, you’re going to really feel these 13 tweets.

13. I’m going to guess this isn’t the first time you’ve said idk.

12. Financial responsibility is so romantic.

11. Really just separate beds would do.

10. So what if I did? Was it where it didn’t belong?

9. Mistakes were made. I’m not going to say by who.

8. This is the best relationship advice I have seen in a while.

7. Spoiler alert: it will always be you.

6. Also protect you from your eventual want-to-be murderer.

5. She’s a totally neutral party, she swears.

4. And God help you if you don’t answer right away.

3. It really is a miracle he made it this far.

2. Please, let’s just agree my way is right.

1. I was looking forward to those ALLLL DAYYYYY.

I mean, I’m not saying I want to live alone (because ghosts), but these are spot on!

Do you love living with someone? Do you live alone?

Share your funny cohabitating stories in the comments.

DO IT NOW OR WE WILL FIND YOU!!!!!

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17 Hilarious Tweets About the Trials and Tribulations of Marriage

Let’s talk about how hard and how wonderful, how fun and how maddening, how rewarding and how insane it is to agree to live every day with another human being for the rest of your life.

Hard to sum up in a tweet, I know, but these 17 people sure do give it their best shot.

17. I prefer the “change it whenever you walk by and see HE changed it” method.

16. It’s a high-stress environment.

15. Hint: it’s because he’s not listening.

14. I feel personally attacked by this tweet.

13. I mean honestly it’s probably not worth fighting about at that point.

12. You should know where the spoons go by now. You idiot.

11. Mistakes have been made by all parties.

10. He should really know not to get between you and future you like that.

9. Why would I wake him up?

8. Sweaty palms and everything.

7. Yep. You’re going to need backup.

6. It’s important to be able to have honest discussions.

5. I don’t hate this idea.

4. Sleep is so underrated by the young and child free.

3. Why do we do this?!

2. Husbands have no halfway.

1. He thought he was being smart but he messed up.

I’m impressed (and tickled) about how spot-on these thoughts are!

Are you married? Have you been? How would you sum up the experience in 280 characters or less?

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10 Weird Facts That Might Surprise You

These facts are very solid and they might just throw you for a major loop.

But that’s a good thing. It’s important to keep working out that brain of yours! Let’s get started!

1. Good advice for all of us.

Photo Credit: did you know?

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2. Stop doing that!

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3. I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t *meow*.

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4. No need to put it out there.

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5. Some parents might disagree…

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6. Matt the male stripper.

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7. That makes sense.

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8. I knew I liked him for some reason.

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9. Get all the sleep you can.

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10. What kind do you get?

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Surprised? Impressed? I know I sure am…

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This Map Shows the Cost of a Date Night in Every State

Maybe you can put a price on love…

Have you been on any dates lately? The money can really add up.

Recently, I took a girl out for a nice meal (Sonic Drive-In) and then to a free Bingo Extravaganza at the local Knights of Columbus Hall. I wonder why I haven’t heard back from her yet…

Anyway, the point is that dating in this day and age is EXPENSIVE. Obviously, taking a date out for a night on the town varies from state to state because of the cost of living, but across the board, it’s pretty pricey.

Match.com crunched the numbers, and in some places, a date is gonna hit you in the wallet harder than others.

A lot harder.

The top five most expensive states for a date night are:

New York, $297.27

New Jersey, $259.60

Hawaii, $239.95

Connecticut, $230.34

California, $226.35

It’s probably no surprise that the tri-state area around New York has three of the top-five most expensive entries. Although…$200??

The two least expensive states for date night? South Dakota and North Dakota, at $38.27 and $42.43, respectively. Those cold and snowy Dakotas aren’t looking that bad right now, are they?

Of course, the amount of money people spend on dates is going to vary wildly. Some folks prefer to be big spenders and wine and dine a guy or gal and drop hundreds of dollars. Others prefer to take a walk along the beach or go on a long bicycle ride together.

And, let’s face it: if you’re with the right person, getting stuck in an elevator can turn out to be a good time. Good luck out there in the dating world!

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15 People Confess to the Deepest, Darkest Secrets They’re Hiding Right Now

Secrets can be terrible to have but delicious to hear about – as long as they have nothing to do with you.

So, sit back and relax, and enjoy the fact that none of these bombshells are gathering anxiety in your closet.

15. Dank memes.

“That the girl I’m currently dating and beginning a relationship with started messaging me on Facebook because she liked the memes I posted so much. We had never met and she thought I was cute and really funny, so she initiated things.

We tell people that we met by being introduced by her sister-in-law. I have no idea who her sister-in-law is, and have only met her a couple of times.

Everyone asks “how did you meet?” and we’re too embarrassed to tell the truth about dank memes and her pursuing me as a result.”

14. I was such an idiot.

“I’m very embarrassed to admit that I’m hurt over this so I haven’t told anyone. I was talking to someone for a few months and turns out, he has a girlfriend he never mentioned. We went on dates, kissed, and finally had sex.

Told me he’s working on ending the relationship but can’t right now because it’s complicated. Sounds like bullshit. I don’t want to tell my closest family and friends because I was such an idiot.”

13. The next best time.

“I bought the ring, I’m just waiting for a good time. Our vacation out of country is coming up but I don’t know how easy it will be to get a very expensive piece of jewelry with me without her noticing so I’m trying to find the next best time to propose.”

12. A stupid game.

“My gf, her friend, and I went out for mini golfing. I had the score card. I got second and my gf got third, but I botched the numbers and put her as second and me as third.

She was jumping up and down excited she beat me for the rest of the day, and even brought it up the next day.

I’m very happy my secret could make her this happy, even if just for a little bit over a stupid game.”

11. It’s the medicine.

“That i’m taking antidepressants. everyone thinks I’ve gotten my shit together on my own. but it’s the medicine that is keeping me going.”

10. A massive bill.

“When I was about 16, 3-way prank calling was a thing. If you 3-way called someone that person could call someone and on and on.

We had a line party of about 10 or so people. I was feeling bored and 3-way called a fetish porn line which played the introductory message for the whole party who thought it was hilarious.

1-800-WET-FART, 1-800-FAT-LADY, etc etc…

When the phone bill came it reflected a charge of 99 cents for each call I had made.

It was a massive bill.

My mom had no idea it was me. She got the charges removed and I’m glad I never had to explain why her 16 year old daughter was calling those numbers.

Edit The charges were likely from using the 3-way feature I’m not sure. I believe it was free to call the numbers. The numbers still showed up on the phone bill. My mom called the very first number on the bill and it was my friends grandmas house. The lady told her she didn’t have kids in the house. After that my mom dropped it and assumed the “wires got crossed”. Thankfully she never dialed any of the 1-800 numbers.”

9. I really miss her.

“I still really miss my ex, and nothing in my life has come close to filling that void. The thing is, we had a connection from day one and the relationship was really good and just flowed well. It was such an abrupt ending that I think I’m still in shock. We tried to stay friends, but it didn’t work out (mainly because I was still hurting at the time), and I really miss her.”

8. Literal decades.

“People used to confide in me who they had crushes on back in elementary school, I have been keeping that shit under wraps for literal decades now.”

7. He deserves a break.

“I bought my boyfriend tickets to see his favorite NFL team for his birthday. I’ve already got everything set and his boss will let him take the days off. He’s a hard worker and deserves a break.

Hopefully he likes it!”

6. We just don’t know how.

“My wife an I lost our unborn child 3 weeks ago. We still cant tell our family or friends. We just don’t know how.”

5. Stuck doing it.

“The one place I deliver to thinks I have Tourettes. About 5 months ago I started a job being a beer delivery driver. My first day on my route I was delivering to a gas station and there was an Utz snack truck ahead of me delivering as well.

So I’m standing outside my truck waiting to deliver and being bored I started saying Utz to myself in a weird fast way over and over again (pretty much how a samurai would say it I guess). I turn around and there is the manager of the gas station giving me a weird look. My dumbass thought it was a good idea to keep saying it to make him believe I have this weird tick of saying the word Utz. Even filling out his order for him I would throw in Utz. So I get in my truck and think to myself what the fuck did I just do and start cracking up. So for the past couple months everytime I deliver there I throw out the word Utz every couple sentences then get in my truck and start cracking up.

That might make me a shitty person but I’m pretty much stuck with doing it until I find a new job or route.”

4. In 2 and 1/2 years.

“I’m buying my mother a plane ticket to Salt Lake City for Christmas to visit my two brothers who live there one of which she hasn’t seen in 2 1/2 years.”

3. I hate it here.

“I’m studying to take the bar in another state with much better job prospects. I want to leave this state (have never lived anywhere else) because I hate it here. I will be far, far away from any family in the new state.

My family will freak. I’ve always been the one everyone goes to when shit needs fixed. My siblings have all done jack shit for my parents all of their lives. It’s always been my job. I’m bitter, and I want to force them to pick up some of the slack.

Plus, I want to live in a city that actually has stuff to do – not BFE where no one wants to be and everything shuts down at 4:30 pm.”

2. I can’t wait!

“My husband’s 40th birthday is next week. I’ve got tons of surprises planned — concert tickets, football game tickets, surprise party, lots of great gifts— but best of all— his entire family is coming into town to celebrate. I can’t wait! Shhh.”

1. Worst part of it all.

“There was a fly on our large (like $2000+) living room window, and my 3 year old daughter informed me of this. From my natural reflexes, I went to go smack it dead.

It must be noted I got married a few short weeks before this, and wearing a wedding ring was still new to me. Also, I picked a tungsten carbide ring. Yes, one of the heavy beasts.

The initial sound of the metal on glass was enough to realize I fucked up bad. I left a small dent in that glass, not as bad as it could have been. Enough for me to notice, but not too noticeable unless you look for it.

Worst part of it all, I didn’t kill the fly.”

Got any secrets you want to get off your chest? That’s what the comments section is for. Don’t worry, we won’t share it with anybody else.

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15 Memes That Will Look Familiar If You Have Brothers

If you grew up with brothers in your family, you know that things got ROUGH and that your parents were not prepared. Ever.

Thankfully, we have memes that will make all that pain seem like something far, far away…

1. Does this look familiar?

2. Not my problem

3. NOW I want it

4. Run!

5. Not quite…

6. This is all you’re getting

7. How could you?!?!

8. Treated like a king

9. I barely touched you!

10. The way it goes

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❤❤

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11. That’s not happening

12. Well, technically…

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heyyyy

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13. We weren’t fighting

14. The answer is NO

15. Power struggle

So… does this bring back good memories or bad ones?

Let us know in the comments! We love reading about people’s pain… good or bad!

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Ryan Reynolds Called His Children ‘Thankless A**Holes’ and That’s Just the Start

Can all celebrities just be like Ryan Reynolds?

He’s handsome (naturally), but he also has one of the best senses of humor I’ve ever seen. And it’s because of that keen intellect and sharp wit that he was able to will the anti-hero Deadpool into box office success.

It’s in that spirit that Reynolds posted this hilarious series of shots from a recent photoshoot for Aviation Gin… and tore his kids a new one in the process.

Just in case you didn’t catch that caption…

Photo Credit: Ryan Reynolds/Instagram

Oh yeah, and The Rock tried to get in on the fun…

Photo Credit: Ryan Reynolds/Instagram

No ROCK! NO! You’re NOT funny. Go home!

But this is nothing new for Reynolds, who trolls his kids and his wife as only an expert smart ass can…

His daughter is gonna be FUNNY when she grows up…

Because, honestly, there’s nobody funnier in the game right now…

He nails it EVERY SINGLE TIME!

And, as mentioned, his wife is the target of his “take no prisoners” humor…

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Happy Birthday, @blakelively.

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We salute you Ryan! Not because you’re funny. Everybody knew that. But because you take the piss out of your family on the regular.

They’re rich. They can handle it.

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Pregnant Women Confess: “I Don’t Know Who the Father Is and I’m Freaking Out.”

Think about if you were in this situation…

You weren’t planning on it, but you find out you’re pregnant. Filled with the mixed emotions that come with an unplanned pregnancy, you realize there’s another issue to work out.

Who is the father?

Yeah, yikes. You’ve been letting THAT many guys drop it while it’s hot? Oh boy…

These 12 women share their struggles with not knowing who fathered their unborn baby.

1. Yeah, but are you REALLY never gonna get drunk again… hmmmm…

Photo Credit: Whisper

2. Wait… SIXTY?!?!

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3. Sad, but I imagine this isn’t uncommon…

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4. Well, take that responsibility on your shoulders! You go!

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5. I can’t even imagine lying to somebody about this. Whoa.

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6. Get. Your. Tubes. Tied.

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7. There’s another option. It’s called family planning for a reason.

Photo Credit: Whisper

8. Yeah, that is the worst. Facing something like this by yourself is ROUGH.

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9. And that’s absolutely your right.

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10. There’s no way to find out?!

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11. Yikes!

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12. That is a wild and weird month, indeed!

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Well, that was a rollercoaster ride! Who would have thought that these women would have to go through situations like these, but that’s the reality.

So then… have any confessions you need to drop? Let us know in the comments!

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